Boys. Aren’t they phenomenal? My husband and I have five boys ranging in age from 12 to 28. They’re loud, they’re gross, they’re physical, and I wouldn’t trade them for girls in a hot minute. While I love my daughter and the precious relationship we have as girls, I genuinely feel like God specially crafted me to be a mom of boys.
But boys will be boys, and girls will be girls, and sometimes, as “girls,” we moms need to think outside the pretty pink box of femininity in order to relate to, and rightly raise, these extraordinary creatures God has blessed us with. Here are six ways I’ve learned through the years to raise a Godly man.
1. Remember you’re raising boys.
Despite what you might hear from the scientific community, boys and girls are not the same except for genitalia. The way God wired them to see and relate to the world, think, react, and solve problems, is completely different from the way God wired girls to do these things. In 1 Corinthians 16:13, Paul tells the men of the church at Corinth:
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
There’s a certain way that men (and boys) act, and it’s not the same as the way girls act. God made them that way, and we must parent them like they’re boys, not anatomically male girls.
2. Make way for Daddy.
There have been so many times I have been tempted to baby my boys over bumps and bruises or give them a light scolding for disobedience. It took a lot of lip biting to stand out of the way while my husband told them to walk it off or got out the paddle for correction. But husbands know better than we do what it’s like to be a little (or big) boy. Point your boys to your husband as an example, and make sure you’re not getting in the way as they relate to each other “man to man”.
3. Tell them to take a lap.
One thing that moms often don’t realize about boys is that they are wired to need physical activity for their emotional, behavioral, and educational well being. Require them to sit still and be quiet for hours at a time, and you may have a son who gets that need for physicality out of his system by acting out behaviorally. God created boys with a need to run, throw, and hit, so honor His design by letting them.
4. Show them what a godly woman looks like.
They won’t be able to find a godly woman to marry one day if they don’t know what one looks like. Show them. Study your Bible. Pray. Repent and apologize when you sin. Submit to your husband. Manage your home well. Be hospitable. Serve your family and your church. Give them a gold standard to shoot for.
Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. Proverbs 31:29
5. Instruct them, from a woman’s point of view, godly ways to honor women.
Because boys don’t think the way girls do, they need to be taught how women like to be treated by men. Boys tend to have an “every man for himself” mindset, so things like “ladies first,” opening doors for women, keeping bodily functions to themselves, and helping out around the house don’t always occur to them. They have to be proactively taught these things as a way of “serving one another in love” (Galatians 5:13).
(Oh, and by the way, they will never learn to keep bodily functions to themselves. Ever. Sorry.)
6. Realize the impact of your role in building godly men.
Samuel. Jesus. Timothy. Godly men, all. And every one of them had a godly mother – Hannah, Mary, Eunice – who raised them to love and serve God. Don’t ever think of yourself as “just a mom.” God has given mothers the enormous responsibility and privilege of pouring the gospel into little boys and raising them to godly manhood. Thank Him for that and steward your influence well.
Boys are strange and wonderful little beings. There’s nothing like being a mom of boys to drive you crazy, drive you to your knees in prayer, and drive you to rise to the challenge of being a godly mom raising godly men.
1. What are some attributes or character traits of a godly mother from Proverbs 31 that we can emulate? In today’s lesson, rather than attributes to emulate, we’ll be focusing on God’s instructions to obey for mothers. We’ll examine how we’re to regard motherhood and our children, how we’re to train our children in godliness, how we’re to discipline our children out of ungodliness, and the example we’re to set for our children. Some of these instructions can also apply to childless women in their relationships with their spiritual children (i.e. younger women or children they disciple) and others. As you read over today’s passages, explain how childless women might apply some of these Scriptures.
2. Examine the first three passages (Psalm 127-Titus 2) together. What do these passages say about how we are to regard motherhood and our children? What should the attitude of our hearts be? In what sense are children a reward? How do we know that Psalm 127:3 does not mean that if you act in a way that pleases the Lord He will reward your good behavior with children? What does this verse mean? Is loving your children (Titus 2:4) simply a feeling of affection toward them? If so, why would young women need to be trained to love their children? When you finish today’s lesson, come back to Titus 2:4 and give a fully-orbed biblical definition of what it means to love your children.
3. Examine the next five passages (Proverbs 22-Ephesians 6) together. Why does God want us to train our children in godliness? Explain the phrase “in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6). How does the gospel figure in to training your child? Look carefully at the three Old Testament passages. At what age should we begin training our children in godliness and the Scriptures and how long should this training continue? Is Proverbs 22:6 an iron-clad guarantee or promise from God that if we raise our children in a godly home they will definitely get saved and turn out to be godly adults? Why not? (Scroll down to the Deuteronomy 21 passage if you need help.)
To whom are the Colossians and Ephesians verses addressed? Does this mean they don’t apply to mothers or that it’s OK for mothers to provoke their children, but not fathers? If they apply to both parents, why are they addressed to fathers? How are we not to deal with our children according to these verses? What does it mean to provoke your children? Why are we not to provoke them (Colossians), and how are we to deal with them instead (Ephesians)? Compare Ephesians 6:4b to the Old Testament verses in this section. How are they similar?
3. Examine the next three passages (Proverbs 29-Deuteronomy 21) together. What is the purpose of godly discipline? What are the biblical definitions of the words “discipline” and “reproof”? Are discipline, reproof, and training the same as punishment? Why or why not? What are some of the consequences of disciplining your child? The consequences of refusing to discipline your child? According to Proverbs 13:24, what motivates someone to discipline her child? What motivates someone to refuse to discipline her child? Are “love” and “hate” simply emotional feelings in this verse or an attitude, posture, or orientation of mindset toward the child? Look closely at Deuteronomy 21:20. Is this passage most likely talking about a very young child or an older child/teenager? According to the Deuteronomy 21 passage, does godly discipline always result in an obedient son or daughter, or can there be exceptions to the rule?
Why is it important to both train your child in godly ways and discipline him out of ungodly ways? Explain how this fits into the “put off the ungodly, put on the godly” model of biblical sanctification.
4. Examine the last five passages (Deuteronomy 21-Matthew 10) together. What do these passages teach us about the godly example we need to set for our children?
Sometimes we see implicit instructions to parents in passages that explicitly teach children how to treat and regard their parents. For example, if there were a verse that said, “Children, love your parents,” we could learn from that verse that we need to act in a way (lovable) that makes it easier for our children to obey that Scripture. Considering this concept, look at the Exodus 20 and Proverbs 1 passages. If your children are to honor you, in what manner should you behave? What should your teaching be like if your children are not to forsake it and to consider it a “graceful garland” and a “pendant”?
What is the context of Ezekiel 16? To whom is the parent/child metaphor in this passage addressed? Explain the phrase “like mother, like daughter”. Why is it important to set a good example for our children with our own behavior, and why was this a good metaphor for God to use in addressing Israel’s unfaithfulness to Him?
Examine the Deuteronomy 21 and Matthew 10 passages together. What is to be a mother’s highest priority – her relationship with her child, even the life of her child, or her love for, obedience to, and loyalty to Christ? Do you love Christ more than your child? If you had to choose between your child and Christ, who would you choose? What message does it send to our children when we show and tell them that we love Christ more than we love them? How can you demonstrate to your child that your highest love and loyalty is reserved for Christ?
Homework
Examine each of the instructions in Deuteronomy 6:6-9. Make a list of practical ways your family could put each of these instructions into practice and discuss it with your husband. Together, pick one of these practices and implement it with your children this week.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
This week on the blog, in anticipation of Mother’s Day, it’s all about the mamas. Here’s a roundup of Mailbag articles and other resources on motherhood and parenting…
As a stay-at-home / homeschooling mom of boys, how can I make sure they’re getting the male leadership and influence they need during the day while my husband is at work?
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
My oldest daughter is turning 12 this week, and I see a lot of heart issues in her that I would like to help her with. She is a triplet, and also has three younger siblings, and I think she feels like she doesn’t get as much attention from me because of the neediness of the other children, which has turned into bitterness and disrespectful attitudes in her. Is there a book that you know of that I could take her through that would help us both with these things? Really, anything directed at her age discussing how to be a godly older sister. I want to be a good mom for her, raising her to be a kind and loving older sister, but I feel like I am failing.
Being a mom is pretty challenging, and we all have moments and seasons when we feel like we’re failing. Ask the best, most godly mom you know, and I’m sure she’ll agree. Sometimes, it’s because we have failed, which means we need to repent – to God and to our children – and obey Him. But often, we take those feelings of failure upon ourselves when we’re truly doing our best, and/or when the situation is unavoidable or isn’t our fault.
Let me give you a few resources that may help…
First, you’ll want to get your own heart and mind in order – according to Scripture – about your feelings of failure. Check out my article: Guilt and Shame- Burden or Blessing?
Your daughter is the perfect age for the two of you to study the Bible together. If she’s not yet a Believer, you’ll want to explain the gospel to her. If she is a Believer, study through a book of the Bible together. The Bible is a book, it’s directed at her age, and it addresses all of the things you’ve mentioned both textually and transformatively. (If I may be a little blunt: your daughter needs godly parenting from the best people for the job – you and your husband – and either salvation or sanctification by the Holy Spirit more than she needs to read a book written by someone else.) If you’d like, the two of you might also enjoy working through my Bible study Imperishable Beauty: A Study of Biblical Womanhood. Studying Scripture together will also help address the issue of her feeling like she’s not getting enough attention from you.
And don’t forget to pray for your daughter on your own, with your husband, and with her. Prayer is also transformative. It will help you, your husband, and your daughter get on the same page with God.
Finally, let your church be the resource for you that God wants it to be. This is a textbook Titus 2:3-5 situation. Find a godly older woman in your church or in your family, and ask for her help and guidance. If you don’t know anyone like that, set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel and ask him to point you in the direction of a godly older woman who can disciple you through this.
Although doctrinally sound books can sometimes be helpful, the means and methods God has prescribed in Scripture – the Word, prayer, and the church – should always be our “Plan A”.
I’m 19 years of age and I’m currently at war with my parents because I told them I wanted to start wearing pants. They believe my salvation is not real because I’m going against Deuteronomy 22:5…..And it has made me so confused about my stand with God. Am I really sinning against God or am I misunderstanding something?
I think there’s definitely some misunderstanding and some sin going on here, but maybe not like you might be thinking. Let’s sort it out according to Scripture.
In and of itself, it is not a sin for a Christian woman to wear modest women’s pants. If your parents genuinely think you’re not saved solely because you want to wear modest women’s pants, then they are misunderstanding Deuteronomy 22:5 (and possibly the New Testament concept of Christians being under the covenant of grace rather than the Mosaic covenant). I’ve explained all of this in detail in my article The Mailbag: May Christian Women Wear Pants?.
However there aresins being committed in this situation that you may not have considered. If you’re “at war” with your parents about this or any other issue of adiaphora/Christian liberty, you’re probably committing the sins of pride, dishonoring/disobeying your parents, failing to live at peace with them so far as you’re able, and failing to bear with their weakness in this area. (Your parents may also be committing some of these sins as well as provoking you to anger, but you can only control whether or not you’re sinning, and how you react to their sins.) I would encourage you to study the Scriptures I’ve linked here, ask God to humble you and help you understand whether or not you’ve sinned in any of these areas, and, if you have, repent – to God and to your parents.
Now, there is one more dynamic at play here: It doesn’t sound like you’re married, so are you still living under your parents’ roof and/or financial support (e.g. You live in a dorm or apartment they’re paying for, they’re paying for your education, etc.) or are you living on your own and supporting yourself? Those are two different kettles of fish.
Your parents have the right to make the rules for their house, and they have the right to decide what they will and won’t support financially, even if those rules and conditions seem wrong, ridiculous, or unfair to you. At nineteen, you are an adult, and you have the right to decide whether you want to live under those rules in their house, and whether you want to abide by the conditions under which they will financially support you. It’s just a question of which is more important to you at this point in your life – housing and financial support or wearing pants. If you want to live at their house and/or receive their money, you need to humble yourself and abide by their rules without complaining. If you want to wear pants, you need to move out and pay your own way.
A few final thoughts:
If you’re still living at home or receiving financial support from your parents, you can lovingly and humbly ask if they might be open to the compromise of you wearing split skirts or palazzo pants / skirts. Go into this conversation prepared to graciously accept an answer of “no”.
Give 1 Peter 3:1-6 a good study. This passage is not about the parent-child relationship, but about Christian wives softening their unsaved husbands’ hearts to the gospel by their godly, submissive behavior. Are there any principles you can glean from this passage that can be applied to your relationship with your parents as you submit to their authority in their home and under their financial support?
When you do move out and support yourself, you’re free to wear modest women’s pants whenever you like, but Scripture doesn’t allow us to exercise our Christian liberties in ways that unnecessarily offend others. In other words, when you go visit your parents, put on a skirt.
I am curious as to why Kenneth Copeland and Rhema Bible College [founded by Kenneth Hagin] are NOT on your list of false teachers. Thank you for your ministry but I believe these are important ones to highlight as well.
I agree, the two Kenneths are/were rank heretics, and Rhema “Bible” College knows nothing of the Bible. No one should have anything to do with any of them.
Here’s why they (and a number of other blatant heretics) are not listed at my Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page). Let’s start with an excerpt from that page that perhaps you didn’t see:
Please understand that this isnot a comprehensive list of every false teacher inexistence (there are thousands of them, so that would be impossible)… I provide information here largely in answer to questions from my readers. In other words, if you don’t see it, it’s either because I haven’t been asked about it, or I haven’t had time to get to it yet. The names you see are simply some of the most well-known teachers my readers have inquired about.
Generally speaking, my audience consists mostly of Christian women in passable to vibrantly doctrinally sound churches. They’re not asking me if the Kenneths are false teachers; they can watch or listen to five minutes of either of those guys and know.
Women who are so undiscerning that they’re following these guys are almost certainly not saved (and aren’t following me). What they need is to repent and believe the gospel, or they’re neither going to understand why, nor believe that the Kenneths are heretics, and, like the pigs and dogs they are, spiritually speaking, they’re going to turn and attack me for trying to convince them
There are tens of thousands of false teachers out there. I am one person with a husband, family, church responsibilities, friends, a podcast, speaking engagements, and other topics I have to blog about. I have to spend my time, not on the obvious false teachers, but on the more subtle ones my readers are actually asking about.
I have also attempted to help out readers who don’t find the false teacher they’re looking for on the list (again, from my Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends page):
In this article, you’ll not only learn how to research teachers for yourself (a skill every Christian should develop), you’ll also find a list of trustworthy discernment ministries who may have the information you’re looking for.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Againthe next day John was standing with two of his disciples, and he looked at Jesus as He walked, and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God!” The two disciples heard him speak, and they followed Jesus. And Jesus turned and saw them following, and said to them, “What do you seek?” They said to Him, “Rabbi (which translated means Teacher), where are You staying?” He said to them, “Come, and you will see.” So they came and saw where He was staying; and they stayed with Him that day, for it was about the tenth hour. John 1:35-39
When we speak of “following Jesus” today, we mean that we follow in His footsteps figuratively. We keep His teachings. We obey Him. We submit to His leadership.
But when Jesus was physically present on earth, people were literally able to follow Him. Around. As in, walking right behind Him. Maybe even stepping on the backs of His sandals like my children do to me sometimes.
Which got me to thinking. Why do people follow other people around? And who are these people who follow other people around? And why are my children and my dog always following me around? And why does it annoy me when my children and my dog follow me around? (Ok, I haven’t figured that one out yet, but there’s some kind of a sin issue in there somewhere, I’m sure.)
Who? First of all, you don’t usually see an adult following another adult around unless one of them is a stalker. But there are a some occasions in which it might be appropriate and legal, for example, if the person being followed is a tour guide, or if the person being followed is a seasoned employee training a new hire. Much of the time, literal followers are children. And at my house, the dog.
Why? Why do people follow people around? Think about it– have you ever followed somebody around? Why did you do it? Do people follow you around? Why do they do it?
People generally follow another person around because:
a.) they are interested in what that person is doing, or b.) they want to learn from that person, or c.) they have no idea where they’re going and the person they’re following does.
That’s why people followed Jesus around. They had heard that he spoke and taught as no one ever had before. They had heard about the miracles and healings. They were curious. Were the rumors true? What might they see? Would Jesus do something for them?
For some, that initial interest blossomed into a desire to sit under the tutelage of Jesus. They couldn’t get enough of His teaching, so these first century groupies followed him from speaking engagement to speaking engagement.
Certainly, none of the people who followed Jesus around had a clue as to where they were going, spiritually speaking. Jesus did. He not only knew the way to the kingdom of God, He was the Way. Who better to follow?
So why do my children and my dog follow me around?
Well, my dog follows me around because hope springs eternal in her that I will drop food on the floor, or that one miraculous day, the meal I’m cooking in the kitchen will actually be for her. She’s not interested in learning anything from me and she knows her way around the house just fine.
My children follow me around for the same basic reasons people followed Jesus around. They’re curious. They want to know what I’m doing, and they hope it will be something fun that will involve them. When they’re young, even cooking, sweeping, and folding the laundry seem interesting to them (yeah, my kids don’t get out much) and they want to learn how to do it just like Mom. When we’re in an unfamiliar place, they follow me because they don’t know how to get where we’re going, and I do.
Which makes me think.
How am I walking? Am I walking the way Jesus walked? Do I walk uprightly? Do I walk in integrity? Do I walk blamelessly?
Do I follow Jesus so closely that by following me around, my children can learn to follow Him too?
