Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
There are so many little details to attend to when you’re planning a wedding. Will the guests throw rice or blow bubbles? Will the bouquets be wrapped with pink ribbon or white? Will the groomsmen wear bow ties or regular ties? For someone like me who has to see absolutely every option available to her before making a decision, it can be a daunting and time-consuming task. Such was the day I sat down to pick out napkins for my reception.
Before I undertook the planning of a wedding, I never would have guessed that it would take more than about 30 seconds to choose napkins. You just pick out some napkins that go along with the color scheme of the wedding, right? Au contraire. In my day, there were huge ring binders (yes, that’s binders, plural) chock full of hundreds of napkins in every imaginable color, size and texture. Once you nail down those preferences, you have to choose what you want embossed on the napkins. There, too, the choices are nearly endless.
So, I flipped through page after page of embossment designs, finding them either too corny, too plain, or otherwise unacceptable. Finally, I came to a very interesting one that I eventually chose. It quoted the second half of Ecclesiastes 4:12, “A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”.
I had never noticed this little verse before that day, but I thought about how beautifully the principle behind the passage could apply to a Christ-centered marriage. When a person is alone, she can quickly become overwhelmed. A spouse can help to bear the burdens of life, but the strength of a marriage of only two people pales in comparison to a marriage centered around a third Person- Christ.
The primary reason our marriages must center around Christ is that it brings Him glory. But there are certainly blessings to our homes that go along with honoring and obeying Christ in our marriages. Study after study has shown that children do best in a home where their parents are married to each other. They are physically and emotionally healthier, do better in school, are less likely to commit crimes, etc. But when you add in the component of spouses treating each other in a godly manner and striving to set a godly example for their children, the quality of the home environment rises even higher. Just as putting God first in our own personal lives makes us better parents, so, putting Christ first in our marriages glorifies God and benefits us and our children exponentially.
I want to handle a situation biblically. I am on my church’s mission committee. We have been asked to support [a parachurch missions organization, henceforth, “PMO”]. Several members of the committee have voiced concerns over the PMO’s position on CRT [Critical Race Theory] and LQBTQ issues. We have provided evidence in the form of video and internal PMO documents. We voted not to support this PMO, but after the meeting, the elder who oversees our committee emailed and said we can only voice issues if we have evidence from the PMO’s public website, and he has scheduled a meeting for us to listen to the PMO’s representatives share their ministry because he believes we are misrepresenting it. I do not want to attend this meeting. I am not even sure if I should continue serving on the committee. He only gave us 24 hours notice of the meeting. How should I respond?
(I have redacted the name of this particular PMO because the reader’s question is about how to handle this situation, not about the PMO itself, and because my answer could apply to any number of demonstrably false teachers or organizations. To name this well known organization would require me to provide and explain the voluminous evidence that this PMO does, indeed, vehemently endorse CRT (watch the video series linked above) and is becoming increasingly unbiblical in their position on perversion. I plan to deal with that in another article about this particular PMO at some point, but dealing with it here would make this article much too long and involved.)
I know that’s a difficult spot to be in, and, having been in similar situations myself, I certainly sympathize.
If you’re married, and your husband is a Christian, the first thing you should do (which you probably have done, I just like to begin at the beginning) is to thoroughly discuss this with your husband and find out what he wants you to do, and do that.
Hebrews 13:17a says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account.” This elder is not doing his Titus 1:9, 3:10-11 duty to keep watch over the souls of his flock. He is harming them and calling some of them (the discerning committee members) liars. And he will have to give an account of all of that to God. You discerning committee members are actually God’s grace to him to protect him from this sin and subsequent judgment, and he apparently doesn’t realize or appreciate that.
He’s got several credible, doctrinally sound committee members coming to him, warning him about a legitimate biblical issue, and he’s basically telling them they’re wrong in favor of letting the serpents come into the church and further deceive him and the other, less discerning, members of the committee.
The point of this is for the members of the committee to be swayed to support him and the PMO because this is what he wants. He wants to support the PMO. If they’re doing the things you and the other concerned committee members say they’re doing (and they are – there’s plenty of reputable evidence out there to prove it, including what you found), does he really think the representatives are going to admit to it when they visit? Of course not. They’re going to speak, softly, gently, and lovingly. They’re going to be personable and witty. They’re going to give all the right biblical answers. They’re going to say whatever they think this elder wants to hear so he’ll side with them and give them the church’s money.
Something Amy and I have discussed several times on the podcast is this dynamic of sensuality (in the classical sense of the word: “appealing to the senses” of sight, hearing, etc.). It’s exactly what Satan did in the Garden to convince Eve to eat the fruit (see the section on Genesis 3, here). He smooth talked her and appealed to her senses – her feelings – which she followed over her reason: that which she already knew with her brain that God had commanded. (Sensuality is why, for example, it’s easier to be objective about whether or not the lyrics of a worship song are biblical when you read the lyrics from a piece of paper rather than listening to the song. The music appeals to your sense of hearing and your emotions, which can override your rational, objective reasoning.)
That’s why – whether he realizes it or not – your elder is bringing these people in to meet with you in person. It’s a lot easier to appeal to people’s senses and feelings face to face and with your sincere tone of voice and sparkling personality than it is to sway them with facts on a piece of paper.
I really hate to say these things about your elder, but either he’s being underhanded, or he’s well intentioned, yet incredibly gullible and undiscerning. (In fact, he may be allowing his feelings of sentimentality for this PMO to sway him even though he can clearly see the evidence that their beliefs and practices contradict Scripture.)
Either way, assuming this is his general state instead of this being a one time slip up, both of these things are disqualifying (see the qualifications for elders in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9). One of the requirements for elders in the Titus 1 passage is in verse 9:
He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.
He’s not “rebuking those who contradict” sound doctrine (the PMO), he’s being a corrupt gatekeeper and welcoming the wolves into his sheepfold. If he doesn’t repent, especially if this is a pattern for him, he has disqualified himself from eldership.
An additional issue is – what in the world is going on here with your church’s polity? Your committee voted not to fund this PMO and this elder singlehandedly overrules the committee? Why does the committee even exist? Is it just supposed to be a rubber stamp for whatever any particular elder wants? That’s not biblical.
Furthermore, why is he so locked in on this particular PMO? There are dozens of doctrinally sound missions organizations out there that your church could support and that your committee and your elder could probably unanimously agree on. Why does it have to be this PMO? (My guess: He worked for them in the past or has some sort of personal connection to them, ergo, the sentimentality, or there’s somebody he knows who works for this PMO that he wants to support using the church’s finances. This could be a conflict of interest.)
What I would do is to go to the meeting with my phone in hand, voice memo app open, and let it be known that you’re going to be recording the meeting so you can listen to it again later to make sure you haven’t misunderstood or missed anything. Do not try to hide the fact that you’re recording it. That makes you look sneaky and deceptive, plus, you have nothing to hide. You’re not doing anything wrong. This is just an electronic form of taking notes. Additionally, if you’re told, by the elder or the PMO representatives, that you can’t record the meeting, that speaks volumes about their motives.
After the meeting, the discerning members of the committee should go back to the elder and talk to him again. (You might want to really emphasize my point above that if the PMO were guilty of doing these things, they wouldn’t admit it.). If he digs his heels in and your church hierarchy has another elder or head pastor above him in the chain of command, make an appointment with him, take your whole group, and express your concerns to him. Go as far up the chain of command as you can until you get to the top or until somebody listens and deals with this elder.
If the elder is at the top of the chain of command, and supporting false teachers/doctrine is typical of the way he operates, and he doesn’t repent, you need to find out what your church’s protocol is for initiating church discipline with an elder and the discerning male members of the committee, your husband, and/or other appropriate men should initiate it. If there is no protocol and he can’t be removed and doesn’t repent, I’d go ahead and find a new church. But until you do (or if you decide to stay at this church despite this issue), explore your church’s options for designating your offerings so your money doesn’t go to support this PMO.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” Deuteronomy 6:5
Christians were designed by God to glorify Him, and the way we do that is for Christ to have preeminence in every aspect of our lives. It’s kind of like having your car in the proper alignment. When you’re a Christian and you’re striving after God’s heart for your life, even when problems arise, things tend to go much more smoothly and peacefully. God comes first, and everything falls in line behind that. If you’re a Christian walking in disobedience to God’s Word or trying to do things in your own strength instead of depending on Christ, there is going to be an undercurrent of feeling out of whack (because, let’s face it, things are out of whack), like you’re spinning your wheels. You’re likely to be more irritable, fearful, and confused.
From which of these spiritual places do you want to come when relating to and rearing your children? Which is more beneficial to you and to them? Which is more pleasing to God?
When you’re obeying God and staying in His Word and in prayer every day, He is working in you to make you more Christlike. More patient, more kind, more conformed to His image. He’s making you a better daughter to Him, a better wife to your husband, a better mother to your children, a better friend to those around you, a better employee to your boss.
It’s the Army’s slogan, but I think it fits Christianity so much better: “Be all that you can be.” And that can only be done in Christ, because without Him, we are nothing. Pursue Christ first- to glorify God, for your own good, and to better serve your family.
I am so sick of women’s ministry/discipleship/”Bible” study that centers around narcissistic navel-gazing, I could vomit. My hurts, my feelings, my opinions, my self image.
Newsflash- You’re not the only person on the planet who’s ever been hurt or had problems.
And wallowing in the hurt and your emotions has never been the way to heal and feel better. Healing from the hurt comes from taking your focus off yourself and placing it on Christ: studying the actual Bible, obeying His commands, walking in holiness, praying, worshiping, serving others.
These canned “Bible” studies that masquerade as teaching the Bible – maybe even have the name of a book of the Bible in the title – yet all the “study” questions are about you, your preferences, and how you feel, are doing you no favors, ladies. They are keeping you enslaved to your hurts and self idolatry so you’ll continue to buy more and more of these books. Don’t be naive. Lifeway, CBD¹, and all the major “Christian” publishers know that there’s no money to be made in telling you to study your Bible. If you study your Bible you might actually grow in Christ, learn to glorify Him instead of your own opinions, heal from your hurts, and learn to handle your problems in a biblical way. And then all these divangelistas – whose main function in life seems to be exegeting stories from their own lives and telling you all about their pain- will be out of a job because you won’t need them, their books, their DVDs, their conferences, their simulcasts, or their merch, any more.
The Christian retail machine doesn’t make money when you follow what the Bible says to do: sit under good preaching and teaching at your own church, disciple women in your own church, be discipled by godly older women in your church, serve your church, attend your church like your life depends on it (because your spiritual life does), study your Bible every day, live in obedience to Christ.
You’re being played and you’re being used by Big Christian Retail, ladies. Stop clinging to the pretty little gilded shackles they have locked around your wrists. Break free and experience the freedom in Christ that can only come from walking faithfully with Him in His Word.
I’m no prophet, nor a son of a prophet, but sometimes I think I might have a tiny inkling of how Jeremiah felt when he said:
If I say, “I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,” there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot. Jeremiah 20:9
When I see the way so many professing Christian pastors, leaders, and teachers in the public eye damage the spiritual lives of their followers by adulterating God’s Word, biblical anger wells up inside me. And sometimes, the pressure gets to be too much and it finds a way to escape, like it did the other day when I tweeted the remarks above.
I hatewith a holy, biblical hatred what the Christian retail machine, overall, has done to Christians, particularly Christian women, by feeding them fluff and false doctrine.
Go back and read the robust theological thoughts and writings of some of the women who helped usher in the Reformation. And then go stick your head in the door of the average women’s “Bible” study at the church down the street and listen to the teaching and comments. We didn’t get to where we are today without somebody poisoning the water hole.
So it was with no small sense of irony that two days after I had let the fire loose on Twitter, I found myself clicking – with much trepidation – on an article from Lifeway Women that popped up in my feed: You Have What It Takes to Lead a Bible Study.
It was written by a darling young lady named Mickey who made several very good points and was charming and encouraging. I’m certain she wanted the article to be helpful and edifying, and I have no points of contention with her personally. This article was a work product. It expresses Lifeway’s position, not necessarily Mickey’s personal thoughts and opinions. (I wrote for a Lifeway publication once. Believe me, if what you’ve written doesn’t match what they’re trying to convey, they edit it until it does. Which, as a business, they certainly have a right to do.)
“What might Lifeway Women think qualifies someone to lead² a Bible study?” I wondered, as I waited for the page to load. “I have what it takes? What does it take in their eyes?”
The first point of the article was to address women’s feelings of inadequacy about leading a Bible study and reassure them. Feelings. Not what the Bible says about teaching God’s Word, or the qualifications for doing so, or even the other women’s need for the teaching of Scripture. Feelings. For Lifeway, the major obstacle to overcome for a woman who’s on the fence about teaching a Bible study is her feelings of inadequacy.
And how did Lifeway address those feelings of inadequacy and offer reassurance? Again, not with Scripture (indeed, no Scriptures are quoted or even referenced in the article), but by exegeting a personal anecdote from the author’s life. “I felt inadequate too, but then I gave it a try and I was successful. So if you’re feeling inadequate to lead, just give it a try. You’ll be successful, too.” It may be an oversimplification, but that’s the take away.
If this methodology sounds familiar to you, maybe it’s because you’ve worked through one of Lifeway’s most popular women’s “Bible” studies. Generally speaking, this is the core of the majority of Lifeway’s women’s “Bible” study products: your feelings and the exegesis of personal stories from the author’s life to relate to and address those feelings.
The article went on to quote a recent Lifeway Women survey which asked women,
“What is the biggest obstacle keeping you from leading a Bible study?”
Know what the number one answer was? “I don’t feel like I know enough to lead.” (Again with the feelz.)
Is it any wonder, when, for decades now, evangelical women have been fed a steady diet of nothing but girlfriend stories that they feel inadequate to teach the Bible? Of course they feel inadequate! They don’t know their Bibles because the materials they’ve been getting from Lifeway all this time haven’t taught them the Bible. They likely know more about their favorite author than they do about Jesus. Most of them probably correctly feel inadequate because they don’t know enough to lead.
Feelings of inadequacy aren’t wrong simply because they make you feel bad. Sometimes your feelings of inadequacy are wrong because you’re neurotic or unrealistically anxious, and sometimes they’re right because you don’t have the skills to handle the task you’re attempting. We’ve all watched enough American Idol auditions to know that.
Our feelings need to be informed, molded, and submitted to the facts of God’s written Word. And what does God’s written Word have to say about whether or not you have what it takes to lead a Bible study?
Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. James 3:1
Where Lifeway issues a blanket “anybody can do it” encouragement to the hundreds of women (whom Lifeway has never laid eyes on and has no idea whether or not they’re biblically qualified to teach God’s Word) reading this article – “…trust me, friend, you have what it takes, too” – the Bible says that teaching Scripture is a solemn, weighty ministry fraught with the burden of responsibility of imparting God’s Word correctly. And precisely because of that, “not many” should become teachers.
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15
What does Lifeway think qualifies someone to lead a Bible study? “…a willing spirit, an open heart for new friendships, and thirst for more of God.” Is that what the Bible says about qualifying for the lofty responsibility of teaching God’s Word? No. The Bible says we need to work hard at studying, understanding, and rightly handling God’s Word so that we don’t end up twisting it or teaching something that conflicts with it. We need to be able to stand before God unashamed to say, “I worked hard, and studied long, and did my very best to teach your Word accurately.”
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. 2 Timothy 2:24-25a
Lifeway seems to think getting over your feelings of inadequacy means you have what it takes to lead a Bible study. The Bible says there’s a much higher standard. Are you even able to teach – to accurately explain what God’s Word says, in a way women can understand, and help them correctly apply it to their lives? Are you quarrelsome? Kind? Able to endure evil patiently? Do you know and can you handle Scripture well enough to correct someone who makes an unbiblical argument, and can you do it gently?
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Titus 2:3-5
Lifeway doesn’t address the character needed to teach the Bible. The Bible says you’re to be mature and behave reverently, you’re not to gossip or slander others, and you’re not be controlled by alcohol (or anything else, for that matter).
While one of Lifeway’s tips for leading a small group is to choose a study that fits the “interests, preferences, and characteristics” of the women in your group, the Bible doesn’t really care what they’re interested in or prefer to learn. It prescribes what they need to learn. Do you know “what is good” according to Scripture? You have to know that if you’re going to teach it. And you also have to know what the Bible says about wives loving and submitting to their husbands, loving their children, being self-controlled, kind, and pure, and working at home, if you’re going to teach those things.
The Bible says you have to know your Bible to teach a women’s Bible study. You have to have certain skills, abilities, and character traits. Not just anybody can do it. Not just anybody should do it.
Do you have what it takes to lead a Bible study? If you want to know, don’t check with Lifeway. Check your Bible.
¹Christianbook.com – It used to be called Christian Book Distributors. Old habits die hard. :0)
²McBible Study and the Famine of God’s Word After I finished writing You Have What it Takes to Lead a BIBLE Study? I noticed that the Lifeway article exclusively used the phrase “lead a Bible study” rather than “teach a Bible study.” This is likely due to the fact that many Lifeway studies do not require the leader to teach so much as to play a DVD of a popular Lifeway author teaching. It is probably also intentional – to encourage women to lead without that pesky little need to be biblically qualified to teach. However, most people still rightly understand “leading a Bible study” to mean teaching the Bible, thus the survey response of “I don’t feel like I know enough to lead,” and Mickey’s own fear that “I don’t know enough about the Bible to lead…”. You don’t need to know much about the Bible to push a button on a DVD player. McBible Study and the Famine of God’s Word addresses this harmful practice and the need for the church to have trained teachers teaching the Bible.
Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er, kinda? sometimes?😀) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
The other day, a man left this comment on my Facebook page on a 2022 post* in which I shared my article about Tara Leigh Cobble / The Bible Recap / D-Group (henceforth, “TLC”). I wanted to share my response to him with you (below, slightly edited) to provide an example of how to think biblically and critically, as well as respond biblically to one unbiblical claim professing Christians often make about false teachers.
(*Why do people dig up Facebook posts from years ago to comment on? I’m baffled.)
A doctrine that’s crucial to keep front of mind in situations like this is the doctrine of the authority of Scripture. When we’re presented with a choice of believing rightly handled (2 Timothy 2:15), in context Scripture or believing a fallen, sinful human being’s personal testimony, beliefs, opinions, etc., which conflict with Scripture, we are commanded and obligated to believe Scripture over that person’s testimony.
You are sadly mistaken! She has completely changed my bible study for the better by making the scriptures speak to me. She and her ministry are truly blessed by God!!
I’m afraid all your comment has accomplished is to prove that everything I said in the article is true.
You’re a man who apparently doesn’t know that God doesn’t want women teaching the Bible to men in the gathering of the Body. If TLC is such a great Bible teacher, how come she’s never taught you that? Maybe because she’s too busy rebelling against that part of God’s Word?
No human being can “make the Scriptures speak to” anyone. Only the indwelling Holy Spirit does that, and only for genuinely regenerate Believers. It’s called illumination. I’m sure you didn’t mean to, but by attributing the role and the work of the Holy Spirit to a human being, you’ve been unintentionally blasphemous. If TLC is such a great Bible teacher, how come she’s never taught you all of that?
God does not “bless” false teachers and their ministries. False teachers and their ministries are God’s judgment on those who follow them. If TLC is such a great Bible teacher, how come she’s never taught you that?
If TLC is such a great Bible teacher, how come your comment has no Scripture in it whatsoever? All I see is your feelings about her and your personal, subjective opinion about her. If you’re a Christian, your authority for life and the practice of Christianity is Scripture, not your feelings and opinions. That’s called the doctrine of the authority of Scripture. If TLC is such a great Bible teacher, she would have taught you how to defend her with rightly handled, in context Scripture.
You’re judging me unbiblically, because you’re judging my warnings about TLC by your feelings and opinions instead of judging them by rightly handled, in context Scripture. If TLC is such a great Bible teacher, how come she’s never taught you the difference between biblical and unbiblical judgment and how to judge biblically?
A minor point, but how come TLC has never taught you that the words “Bible” and “Scripture” are capitalized?
In Matthew 7:15-27, Jesus teaches us about the fruit false teachers bear. Not just the fruit of their personal character and practices (such as teaching men and yoking with false teachers) but also the fruit of their ministries.
As someone who follows, receives teaching from, and defends TLC, you are the fruit of her ministry. And, as I’ve outlined above, that fruit is ignorance of, misunderstanding of, and disobedience to Scripture. That is bad fruit (you) from a bad tree (TLC), once again proving that Scripture is true and everything I’ve said in the article is true.
TLC isn’t the great Bible teacher you’ve been deceived into thinking she is. Get out now while you still can.
I get two or three emails or DMs like this a month, usually about teachers who are more on the obscure side that I’ve never heard of…
Hi Michelle- What do you think about Jane Smith, the women’s Bible teacher and conference speaker? I’ve done a little research on her and found out that she preaches to men, yokes with false teachers X, Y, and Z, and teaches this, that, and the other unbiblical thing. I guess I probably shouldn’t be following her, right?
My dear readers who have sent questions similar to this one, I can’t tell you how much it encourages me that you are out there doing the research and comparing what these teachers do and teach with Scripture. You are exercising your God given discernment and being good Bereans. Way to go!
If you have researched a teacher to see whether or not you should be following her, you’ve compared her actions and teaching to rightly handled, in context Scripture, and you’ve found clear evidence that her actions or teachings don’t align with what the Bible teaches, then don’t follow her.
Although I’m honored and humbled you would want my feedback, and you’re always welcome to email and ask (though I’m usually not able to answer), I want to make sure you understand that you do not need validation or confirmation from me. I am not your authority for who to follow. Scripture is. If Scripture says you shouldn’t be following someone, there’s your answer.
If you feel a little unsure of yourself when it comes to doing the research on a teacher, I’ve got some resources to help you.
First, grab some of my long form articles (for example: this one or this one) I’ve written about various teachers at the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) and read through a few of them to get a feel for the kinds of things you should be looking for.
Ask God to give you wisdom and discernment, and to help you handle His Word accurately, and trust Him to do so.
We have had trouble finding a doctrinally sound church, but finally found one. My husband spoke to leadership and everything seemed good. He met with the pastor for lunch and we were very enthusiastic about it. Solid verse by verse preaching. He started with Ephesians and it took about 6 months to finish. No heretical church music either.
One thing. My husband noticed a box of “surgical masks” at the entrance to the sanctuary. We both agree it’s ridiculous to wear them but he feels it is “promoting a lie” by just having them there for those who want one. No one is currently wearing them. He spoke to the pastor and deacon chairman and they disagreed. The box stays for those who feel “more comfortable” wearing one. My husband will not commit to joining this church because of this one issue. I am heartbroken. I know it’s eating him as well. Everything else checks out. Just this. Is he being hyper-critical? Is this a good reason to not join a church. Praying without ceasing over this. Your advice is welcomed and appreciated.
Great question! These disagreements in marriage do come along, don’t they? It’s never pleasant when they do, but, praise God, He has explained to us how to handle them.
A few months ago, I posted an article called Prayers for a Godly Marriage that contained this graphic. Now, not only do we need to pray that God will help us to do these things, we also have to do them!
I would start by having a calm, kind, loving conversation with your husband than doesn’t contain even a hint of nagging, complaining, or otherwise expressing your displeasure. Whether you end up agreeing with him or not, you want to make sure you fully understand his heart on this issue.
You might say something like, “Honey, I really want to be clear on what you’re thinking about all of this. Can you help me understand all of the reasons why you feel so strongly about the masks being available in the lobby?”. And then really listen and do your best – whether you agree with him or not – to understand his position.
When he gets finished explaining, reflect back to him what you’ve understood him to say: “So here’s what I’m hearing you say- You don’t like the masks because they’re purple. The company that makes the masks supports abortion. And, you’re concerned that people will trust the masks more than they trust God to keep them healthy (or whatever his reasons might be). Did I get all of that correct?”.
When he says, “Yes,” thank him and let him know you’re going to think about and pray about what he’s said for a few days – and do that. Ask the Lord to help you understand and accept where your husband is coming from – even if you don’t agree with him. Pray that God will give you wisdom, love, and respect for your husband when you revisit the issue with him. Pray for wisdom for your husband as he makes this decision for your family.
When you go back a few days later to talk to your husband again, start things off with submission: “Honey, I love you, and I want you to know that I’ve been praying that the Lord will help you and give you wisdom as you make the decision for our family about whether or not to join this church. Whatever you decide, I will joyfully support you and follow you. If you would like, I have a few thoughts about the situation that I would be glad to share if you think that input would be helpful to you in your decision-making process. Would you like to hear them?”
If he says no, accept that answer graciously and don’t share your thoughts. If he says yes, pick the two or three points that are most important or urgent to you, frame them logically, objectively, and helpfully, not emotionally, manipulatively, or naggingly, and be as concise as possible.
You’re his helper. You’re doing this to provide helpful information so your husband can make the most godly decision possible. Think of yourself as a surgical nurse handing your husband, the surgeon, the instruments he asks for at the right time. You hand him that retractor, and that’s where your role ends. He takes it from there.
Once you’ve provided your input, again reassure your husband that you’ll continue to pray for him and gladly support whatever decision he makes, and let him take it from there. Bear a few things in mind that may help:
The Bible doesn’t command you to join this particular church, but it does command you to respect and submit to your husband.
This is a situation God is using to sanctify you. Be sure you’re being obedient to Him as you walk through it.
Matthew 7:12, the Golden Rule, tells us to treat others the way we want to be treated. If the shoe were on the other foot and you felt strongly against joining a certain church for what you had determined was a good reason, would you want your husband to insist on joining?
God could very well be using your husband’s uneasiness about the masks to keep you from joining a church He doesn’t want you to join, or to protect you from something that could happen in the future. What if, instead of submitting to your husband, you insist that your family join this church, your husband gives in, and a year from now the church implodes in some sort of horribly sinful situation? How are you going to feel then? How is your husband going to feel?
About 20+ years ago, I was a member of a church whose women’s ministry was just getting started, and they decided to kick things off with a Beth Moore Bible study. Well, Beth wasn’t as well known back then as she is now, and I had no idea what discernment was. So before shelling out the money for the book, I went to the library and checked it out to see if I liked it.
I didn’t. Beth’s writing style grated on my last nerve. It was the literary equivalent of a hummingbird flitting from one thing to the next and doubling back every two seconds. I knew there was no way I’d make it through that book without throwing it up against the wall, so I chose not to sign up for the class.
Imagine if I had signed up for it and had gotten hooked on Beth Moore. But God used something so stupid and inconsequential as my irritation at her writing style to protect me from what could have been years of deception. He could be doing the same kind of thing in your situation. You never know, so it’s always best to obey Scripture and submit to your husband. Even if your husband turns out to be wrong, you still did the right thing.X
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
