Mailbag

The Mailbag: You can’t always get what you want, but Jesus is all you need.

Michelle Lesley

Originally published April 23, 2024

I found this article because I am a Christian single 37 year old woman. I have yet to meet a man that would be a suitable partner. And by that I mean everyone I’ve dated over the last two decades has shown major red flags I can not in good conscience ignore. Impossibly entitled/self oriented, pushing for sex without commitment/marriage, all taking no giving, general apathy, not marriage minded, secret addiction issues… You name it. I’ve seen it. And as soon as I do see it I don’t stick around long. I really have done everything I can think of and stayed out of trouble.

In any case, the church has no great answers for single women who are running out of time and followed all the rules so to speak. What is life even supposed to look like without a family… without a husband? Are we to marry bad men if good ones aren’t available? Are we to forgo the joys and meaning of rearing our children and creating life? The highest and most sacred calling the church asks of women? I feel quite powerless, and I’m beginning to get twinges of resentment towards men in general for failing me and many other great women. All the families and children that will never be. Life’s natural and beautiful progressions and chapters cannot take place without a good husband. The enormity of the grief I’m beginning to feel if I don’t meet someone in time is beyond comprehension. If you were to get a call one day and learn your husband and children all died… It’s like that. Except you didn’t even get to have any time with them in your life at all. Let that sink in before you judge or talk someone out of making the best out of a less than ideal situation to make a family. Get mad at the men. No one wants to do it alone. I’m sure this wasn’t her preferred plan. Or start speaking to what God’s plan is for single women. Cause mathematically there’s more single Christian ladies than single men and this outcome is quite inevitable and predictable. Yet the church stays quiet or rails on about getting married which causes a great silent pain in many hearts like mine… To whom shall I marry?

My dear sister, my heart goes out to you in your pain. Although I felt much the same way before I met my husband, I was much younger than you are, and I was not single as long as you have been. So, I won’t say I know how you feel, because I don’t. But I do sympathize. I understand that your pain is very real, and though I wish there were something I could do to alleviate it, I can’t.

But Jesus can.

I don’t mean that in some trite, Pollyanna way. I mean that in the way Scripture means it. You must find your contentment, your completeness, your satisfaction, in Christ, despite your circumstances. And that goes for all of us, because all of us suffer in one way or another. So let’s all take a look at God’s way of working through these types of difficult situations.

You must find your contentment, your completeness, your satisfaction, in Christ, *despite* your circumstances.

You must be born again.

I’m not accusing you of not being a Christian because of your question or the way you expressed yourself. But I don’t know you. And on the internet: anyone can claim to be anything, a lot of people don’t have a biblical definition of the word “Christian,” and there are a lot of false converts out there. So I never assume that someone who says she’s a Christian has actually been born again. Besides that, I just like sharing the gospel.

If, for some reason, you (or anyone reading this) have never heard the biblical gospel and responded to it in repentance and faith in Christ, you must do that today. Immediately. Your eternity is at stake. Additionally, you will never find the peace and contentment you seek if you are not in Christ.

Click on the What must I do to be saved? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, and prayerfully work your way through it. When you get finished with that, work through my Bible study on assurance: Am I Really Saved? A First John Check Up.

Become a faithful, active, member of a doctrinally sound local church.

Not just any church. A doctrinally sound church.

If I had to guess from some of the thoughts and phraseology in your comment, I would guess you’re either not in church right now or not in a doctrinally sound church. Why?

In a doctrinally sound church, you don’t find that “everyone” of the single men are “impossibly entitled/self oriented, pushing for sex without commitment/marriage, all taking no giving, general apathy, not marriage minded, secret addiction issues…”. Generally speaking, men like that aren’t saved and don’t hang around doctrinally sound churches.

Additionally, if you were in a doctrinally sound church, you would have been taught and discipled not to date men like that because they’re most likely not saved, and Scripture commands you not to be unequally yoked in marriage with an unbeliever.

Furthermore, this: Let that sink in before you judge or talk someone out of making the best out of a less than ideal situation to make a family. Get mad at the men... is patently unbiblical. I realize you may have just been venting and didn’t really mean it, but you did not learn this line of thinking in a doctrinally sound church. This is pragmatism and bitterness. Christians do not “make the best out of” anything by sinning. Christians obey God even when their flesh wants to do something else. And my telling a Christian that is not “judging,” it’s biblical instruction.

You need to immerse yourself in a doctrinally sound local church immediately.

I want to be very clear that I am not telling you to join a good church in order to catch a good husband (although you certainly have a much better chance of that if you’re in a good church).

I’m telling you to join a good church a) because it is every Christian’s obligation and privilege to be joined to a doctrinally sound church, and b) because a solid church will train you, help you, encourage you to learn to be content in Christ, and will comfort you in your pain when you’re having a rough day.

Click on Searching for a new church? in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. If you’re already a member of a church, start reading the resources in the What to look for in a church section, and see if your church matches up. If it doesn’t, or if you’re currently disobeying God’s command not to forsake the assembly, repent and scroll back up to the church search engines section. (I’d recommend starting with Founders first, then G3, then The Master’s Seminary, then the others.)

Pursue Christ, not a husband.

…The highest and most sacred calling the church asks of women?

The highest and most sacred calling a doctrinally sound church will call women and men to is to pursue Christ. For a church or an individual to put anything ahead of pursuing Christ is idolatry.

I know what you’re going through grieves you, but you’re going to be even more miserable if you continually focus on what you don’t have – a husband and children – than what you do have as a Believer – Christ. Discontent – in any circumstance – only makes things worse. Believe me, I’ve been there.

You’re going to be even more miserable if you continually focus on what you don’t have -a husband and children- than what you do have as a Believer- Christ. Discontent -in any circumstance- only makes things worse.

Focus your life on pursuing Christ. Get up every day and study the Word. Spend copious amounts of time in prayer. Faithfully attend and serve your church. Share the gospel. Disciple younger women. Be consumed with Christ and you won’t be consumed by discontent.

Be consumed with Christ and you won’t be consumed by discontent.

RSVP to the Pity Party:
☑️ Will Not Attend

Brace yourself. It’s time for a little tough love. For all of us:

Suck it up, buttercup. Yes, your suffering is real and not unimportant. Yes, it’s excruciating at times. But nowhere in Scripture will you find God saying that self-pity is a godly pastime. And you’re not the only one out there who’s suffering. Look to Christ. He suffered far more than any of us, yet He didn’t feel sorry for Himself. In His season of greatest suffering, He served.

…Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

Therefore, let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.

1 Peter 2:21b-23, 4:19

Recently, I was reading several related psalms, and I noticed the repeated phrase, “I will lift up my eyes”. Stop the narcissistic navel gazing and lift your eyes up to Christ crucified for your sins, raised for your justification, ascended into Heaven, and seated at the right hand of God. And then look around you at the people He would have you serve, following in His steps.

Self-pity leads to bitterness. Just say no.

You can’t always get what you want.

We all have to face up to the fact that just because we want something doesn’t mean that’s what God wants for us. You may never get married. Some women are unable to bear children. I have a friend who has been disabled all his life. There are lots of things he wanted to be able to do, physically, that he’s never been able to do. I have another friend who will never have grandchildren because of the choices her children have made. God is denying me something in my own life right now -maybe permanently- and it’s extraordinarily painful.

We all have to face up to the fact that just because we want something doesn’t mean that’s what God wants for us. And He is still good.

And He is still good. Everything He does in our lives is for His glory and our good. He knows what’s best for us. The question is,

  • will we submit to what He wants rather than insisting on what we want?
  • will we trust that He knows, far better than we do, what’s best for us?
  • do we want Him more than we want that thing we’re so desperate for?

Being a Christian means surrendering everything we are, and everything we want, to Christ to do with as He pleases. What do we get in return? We get Him. And He is far more than enough.

Being a Christian means surrendering everything we are, and everything we want, to Christ to do with as He pleases. What do we get in return? We get Him. And He is far more than enough.

Let’s get specific…

What is life even supposed to look like without a family… without a husband?

It is supposed to look like a godly single woman pursuing Christ, being content in Christ, and loving and serving her family, friends, and church.

Are we to marry bad men if good ones aren’t available?

Of course not. Even pagans know better than that, and certainly no doctrinally sound Christian or church would suggest such a thing, especially when the Bible commands otherwise.

Are we to forgo the joys and meaning of rearing our children and creating life?

Yes. If God doesn’t see fit for you to marry, you are absolutely to forgo those joys and meanings. You are to joyfully open your hand, let go, and sacrifice those things to Him knowing that He has something different for your life. Something that will bring more glory to Him and will consequently be better for you.

I’m beginning to get twinges of resentment towards men in general for failing me and many other great women.

Stop that right now. That is, indeed, sinful resentment. Repent of that. You also need to examine your heart and consider whether or not your desire for marriage has risen to the level of coveteousness. Demanding, idolizing, and fretting over something God has told you “no” about right now is coveting. If that’s what’s happening, repent.

“Men in general” have not failed you or anyone else. Stop blaming them. God is sovereign over every atom of this universe. If He wanted you to be married right now, you would be.

All the families and children that will never be.

There are precisely the number of families and children God wants there to be. God decides that, not people.

Life’s natural and beautiful progressions and chapters cannot take place without a good husband.

No, marriage’s natural and beautiful progressions and chapters cannot take place without a good husband. Just because you don’t have a husband doesn’t mean you don’t have a life. You have a life that, right now, is to be lived for the glory of God as a single woman. And that life is not devoid of beauty. God don’t make ugly, honey.

The enormity of the grief I’m beginning to feel if I don’t meet someone in time is beyond comprehension.

Yes, your grief is valid and real. It is also to come under the lordship of Christ and not consume you. When grief overwhelms you, praise Him. Worship Him. Thank Him. Remember His promises. Ask Him to get that grief under control and put it where it belongs: at His nail-pierced feet.

Ask God to get that grief under control and put it where it belongs: at His nail-pierced feet.

I would encourage you to read through and pray through the Psalms, especially the ones in which the psalmist cries out to God in the dark night of his soul. Nearly all of them end with him praising God. And so many of those psalms, and others, encourage us to “wait upon the Lord”.

Waiting upon the Lord is not running ten miles down the road from what He’s currently doing in your life and hollering after Him to hurry up and catch up with you, while you impatiently tap your foot and drum your fingers. Waiting upon the Lord is what we see Israel doing during their forty years in the wilderness. When the pillar of cloud set out, they would follow it to their next destination. When it stopped, they set up camp and waited for it to move again. A day. A couple of weeks. A few months. Whatever length of time it took.

“In time” is God’s time. Trusting Him includes trusting His timing.

Trusting God includes trusting His timing.

If you were to get a call one day and learn your husband and children all died… It’s like that. Except you didn’t even get to have any time with them in your life at all.

It’s nothing like that. Refusing to be content in Christ in the season of life in which He has currently placed you is not comparable to grieving the loss of my husband and children. Now, if, after I had lost them, I refused to be content in that new season of my life, that would be comparable.

Let that sink in before you judge or talk someone out of making the best out of a less than ideal situation to make a family.

Again, this is not biblical. You are speaking from fleshly grief and self pity, not from the mind of Christ or the Word of God. You’re lashing out at me because you’re hurting.

When I tell someone that the Bible says something is sin and she can’t do it, I’m not offering my biased, subjective personal opinion and pragmatic advice, nor am I “judging” her. I’m telling her what God says because I love her.

You can’t make the best out of a bad situation by sinning. You can only make the best out of a bad situation by obeying God’s Word. Sinning just makes a bad situation worse.

You can’t make the best out of a bad situation by sinning. You can only make the best out of a bad situation by obeying God’s Word. Sinning just makes a bad situation worse.

Get mad at the men.

No. It is not “the men’s” fault that you’re single or that the woman in the IVF article defied God’s plan for the family or chose to abuse a child by intentionally denying him a father. Stop blaming other people for the season of life God has sovereignly put you in, bow the knee to Him, and find your contentment in Christ.

No one wants to do it alone. I’m sure this wasn’t her preferred plan.

Is that what she’s going to say when she stands before God on Judgment Day? “So what if I defied You? I didn’t want to do it alone. This wasn’t my preferred plan.”.

This is pragmatism and excuse making.

Or start speaking to what God’s plan is for single women.

Honey, I’m one of the few doctrinally sound voices out there who is speaking to what God’s plan is for single women. And married women. And divorced women. And widowed women. And childless women. And women with children. And disabled women. And able bodied women. And women who stay home. And women who work outside the home. And…

Single women aren’t a special class of Christian, and neither are any of the other categories I just named. God’s plan for all of us is to wake up every day and live in obedience to His Word in whatever circumstances He has sovereignly placed us in. Period. That’s God’s plan for you, single woman.

And furthermore, I did speak specifically to what God’s plan was for the single woman in the IVF article and you didn’t like it. You accused me of being unsympathetic and judgmental. You can’t have it both ways.

Cause mathematically there’s more single Christian ladies than single men and this outcome is quite inevitable and predictable.

Sin. God’s will. Obedience to Scripture. None of these things are determined by statistics, by the ends justifying the means, or by pragmatism. They’re determined by God’s written Word.

Yet the church stays quiet or rails on about getting married which causes a great silent pain in many hearts like mine.

Forget what “the church” is or isn’t doing. You don’t have to listen to “the church,” you only need to concern yourself with your church. If your church is either unbiblically staying quiet or unbiblically railing on about getting married, talk to your pastor about your concerns and, if nothing changes, find a doctrinally sound church.

If your church is teaching biblically about marriage, you’re the one who needs to change. Ask God to help you. Stay in the Word and in prayer. Set up an appointment for counsel with your pastor. Find a godly older woman in your church – preferably one who’s single, if possible – to disciple you.

If you’re currently forsaking the assembly, sweep around your own front door, stop blaming “the church,” repent, and join a doctrinally sound church.

To whom shall I marry?

You’re asking the wrong question. Stop coveting a husband and start asking God how you can bloom where He has planted you. How you can glorify Him by submitting your will to His. How you can honor Him by your obedience to Scripture.

God never promised us a bed of roses on this earth. He told us to count the cost.

Now let’s all pick up our crosses and get moving. There’s Kingdom work to be done.

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.

1 Corinthians 7:17a

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Apologetics, Movies

Movie Time: The Marks of a Cult

Michelle Lesley

Originally published July 11, 2017

“A fascinating analysis examining the core of Christian orthodoxy; where denominations within the true Church ends…and a cult begins.

Once again, The Apologetics Group has developed a scholarly presentation addressing a vital current issue. This new production not only deals with how to identify The Marks of a Cult, but in its own right is a type of “mini-systematic theology” that will greatly benefit any individual or church group. I highly recommend it for a better understanding of cult beliefs and practice, as well as, developing your understanding of historic Christian theology.” Dr. Kenneth G. Talbot — President, Whitefield Theological Seminary

In today’s religiously diverse and relativistic culture, labeling a group a cult may seem extreme to many people, not to mention rude. Even people who believe in absolute Truth and further believe that Jesus is the only way to eternal life can get confused about just what constitutes real Christianity. Just why are Baptists properly considered Christians, but Mormons are not? Or why is the Jehovah’s Witness religion classified as an anti-Christian cult while Presbyterians or Wesleyans or Pentecostals are simply seen as denominations within the Christian faith?

With the explosion of different sects that claim to honor and follow Jesus, how does one differentiate between true Biblical Christianity and an aberrant religious movement? Just what are “the marks of a cult?”

Join us for a journey into the heart of Biblical revelation and the constant struggle of truth against lies, the apostolic faith against the “doctrines of demons.”

This new documentary from The Apologetics Group does more than simply point fingers. It explains in great detail the absolute essentials of the Faith and just how and why Christians can properly and necessarily refer to certain sects as “cults.” Not only a tool for recognizing and understanding false teaching — and for reaching people held captive to it — The Marks of a Cult is also a powerful apologetic on the need for Christians to become more rooted in the Biblical historic faith, with its creeds and confessions, and to be better prepared to give “a defense to any one who calls you to account for the hope that is in you.” (1 Peter 3:15)

Featuring: Dr. James R. White, Alpha & Omega Ministries — Dr. E. Calvin Beisner, Knox Theological Seminary — Dr. R. Fowler White, Knox Theological Seminary — James Walker, Watchman Fellowship — David Henke, Watchman Fellowship — Dr. Steve Cowan, Apologetics Resource Center — Craig Branch, Apologetics Resource Center — Clete Hux, Apologetics Resource Center — Jerry Johnson, The Apologetics Group“

My posting of this video is not a blanket endorsement of any of the people who appear in it nor The Apologetics Group ministry. I do not endorse or recommend any participants in the video nor the organization which produced it insofar as any of them deviate from my beliefs as stated in the Statement of Faith and Welcome tabs at the top of this page.
Church, Discernment

Persecution in the Pew

Michelle Lesley

Originally published August 7, 2015

Beheadings of Christians by ISIS. Crosses forcibly torn off churches by the Chinese government. Pastors imprisoned. Believers tortured for leaving Islam or sharing the gospel.

The treatment our brothers and sisters across the globe receive at the hands of pagans is nearly unfathomable. They are made to suffer – simply for claiming the name of Christ – by those who openly hate God and want nothing more than to stamp out Christianity.

This is how we, as the American church, have come to define persecution. Outsiders, non-Christians, and the government, all on the attack against the Bible, our faith, our practices, and other beliefs we have long held dear. It’s a correct definition, but it’s not a complete definition.

While we already see a “light” form of this type of persecution in the U.S. – mainly over the issue of homosexuality – there’s another kind of Christian persecution that is mushrooming right under our noses, which most church members either seem oblivious to, or are actually participating in. It’s the persecution in the pew.

If you’re a Christian who has ever dared to vocally take a stand on the truth of God’s Word against the false teaching so prevalent in today’s pop Christianity, you’ve almost certainly experienced this type of persecution at the hands of people who call themselves “Christians.”

Don’t believe me?

Try posting a Facebook status that says the Bible prohibits women from being pastors or teaching men.

Demonstrate from Scripture to a Beth Moore, Joyce Meyer, or Joel Osteen groupie that she’s following a false teacher.

Talk to a church member who supports Planned Parenthood “because they provide health care”.

Explain why Christians ought not attend same sex weddings.

Discuss the Bible’s account of Creation with someone from your church who has embraced Darwinian evolution.

Certainly, there are new and immature Christians who simply don’t know these things are unbiblical and are still struggling to embrace God’s Word in these areas. And there are those who know what God’s Word says, but rebel against it in these areas, who silently ignore Christians who espouse biblical truth, or can politely discuss why their “Christian” views differ from Scripture. However, the willfully biblically ignorant, “screaming banshee” contingent is growing, both in volume and in number.

Surprised? Me too. I’ve been on the receiving end of verbal abuse (and I do mean abuse – name calling, swearing, mocking, the questioning of my salvation, and any number of other nasty and condescending remarks) from “Christians” defending these and other unbiblical views numerous times and I still can’t get over my shock every time it happens.

Call me crazy, I guess I just expect people who call themselves “Christians” to love, obey, and uphold Scripture, not attack those who actually do.

But this kind of thing really shouldn’t be cause for wonder and amazement. We should expect it. Persecution of God’s people by those who claim to be God’s people has been happening since the Old Testament.

Jeremiah:
Now Pashhur the priest, the son of Immer, who was chief officer in the house of the Lord, heard Jeremiah prophesying these things. Then Pashhur beat Jeremiah the prophet, and put him in the stocks that were in the upper Benjamin Gate of the house of the Lord. Jeremiah 20:1-2

Amos:
Then Amaziah the priest of Bethel sent to Jeroboam king of Israel, saying, “Amos has conspired against you in the midst of the house of Israel. The land is not able to bear all his words… And Amaziah said to Amos, “O seer, go, flee away to the land of Judah, and eat bread there, and prophesy there, but never again prophesy at Bethel, for it is the king’s sanctuary, and it is a temple of the kingdom.” Amos 7:10, 12-13

Isaiah:
For they are a rebellious people, lying children, children unwilling to hear the instruction of the Lord; who say to the seers, “Do not see,” and to the prophets, “Do not prophesy to us what is right; speak to us smooth things, prophesy illusions, leave the way, turn aside from the path, let us hear no more about the Holy One of Israel.” Isaiah 30:9-11

Perhaps Jesus had in mind some of these instances of Israel’s persecution of the prophets when He said in the Sermon on the Mount:

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:10-12

The balance of the New Testament is rife with examples of Christians, and even Jesus Himself, being persecuted by those who claim to be God’s people:

Stephen was martyred by “the people and the elders and the scribes,” while Paul, “circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee;” who went on to be a zealous “persecutor of the church” held their coats.

It was the “high priest, the senate of the people of Israel, and the Pharisees” who imprisoned and flogged the apostles and “charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus” in Acts 5:17-42.

Peter and John were arrested by “the priests and the captain of the temple and the Sadducees” and threatened by “Annas the high priest and Caiaphas and John and Alexander, and all who were of the high-priestly family.”

Even Jesus “came to his own, and his own people did not receive him.” He was nearly stoned twice by Jewish leaders. And, even though it was the Romans who actually carried out the crucifixion, it was only because it was illegal, under current Roman law, for the temple authorities to execute their own criminals.

It was one of Jesus’ own followers who betrayed him to the chief priests. It was the “chief priests and the elders” who arrested Jesus. It was “the high priest…scribes and the elders” who presided over the kangaroo court that condemned Jesus to death. And it was “all the chief priests and the elders of the people” who finally handed Jesus over to Rome.

We may think of these people as Jews, scribes, and Pharisees, but they were the “church people” of their day. It was these “church people” – as much, if not, at times, more so than pagans – who were the ones shouting down, threatening, persecuting, and murdering Jesus and Christians who upheld the truth of His Word.

Jesus knew this would happen. In John 16:2-4 He warned the disciples:

They will put you out of the synagogues. Indeed, the hour is coming when whoever kills you will think he is offering service to God. And they will do these things because they have not known the Father, nor me. But I have said these things to you, that when their hour comes you may remember that I told them to you.

And so it goes today. Deceived, self-proclaimed “Christians”, those inside the church who are often just as unsaved as the pagans outside the church, those who prove that they don’t belong to Christ by fighting against His Word instead of loving and obeying it, these “church people” are the ones viciously attacking Christians who dare to stand on and for the truth of Scripture. And they think they’re doing God a favor by acting this way.

Continue to cling to Christ and His Word and you’ll be one of their victims. It’s inevitable. Jesus said, “If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.” But keep your eyes on Jesus, not on your circumstances, and remember He also said, “Blessed are those who are persecuted…theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” When you’re persecuted, even by “Christians” you can “rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven!”

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs

Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 7, 2020

I get lots of great questions, and sometimes, they’re the same questions from lots of different people. So I thought today it would be fun, instead of answering just one person’s question, to answer lots of people’s questions. Here are the top 10 Mailbag questions readers most frequently ask:

1.

“Do you know anything about [Christian pastor/teacher/author] or his/her materials? Is s/he doctrinally sound?”

The best way to find out if I’ve written anything on a particular teacher is to put her name (make sure you spell it correctly) into the search bar, which is located at the bottom of every page of the blog. You can also check the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab and the Recommended Bible Teachers tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) to see if the teacher’s name is located there.

If you need answers on a certain teacher right away, and I haven’t written anything about her, you will need to do the research yourself, which is a skill every Christian needs to hone anyway. (You should never just take my, or anybody else’s, word for it that a particular teacher is or isn’t trustworthy.) In case you need a little help getting started, I’ve described how I do my research, complete with some quick litmus tests and shortcuts in my article Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring It Out on Your Own. 

If I haven’t written an article about a teacher you see as problematic who’s reaching a wide audience, you’re welcome to send me her name along with any links you may have to her unbiblical teaching or behavior. If I get enough questions about a particular teacher, I’ll probably write an article on her.

2.

“Can you recommend a good
women’s/children’s/teens/particular topic Bible study?”

No. On principle, I do not recommend what I call “canned” (book, workbook, DVD, etc.) Bible studies- not even doctrinally sound ones. The church has become so utterly dependent on books and materials written by others that the majority of evangelicals have no idea how to simply pick up the Bible and study or teach straight from the text of Scripture. I may be the only one to stand against that tide, but I’m standing against it. We need to, as a general practice, cut out the middleman and get back to learning and teaching straight from the Bible itself.

If studying or teaching directly from Scripture is new to you, I would encourage you to check out the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, which explains more about my philosophy of Bible study and provides numerous resources to help you learn how to study or teach the Bible itself.

One of the resources you’ll find is all of the Bible studies I’ve written. They are all free, all suitable for individual and group use, and you are welcome to print out as many copies as you need. My studies are learn-by-doing “training wheels” that teach you: how to study/teach the Bible in a systematic way, the kinds of things you should be noticing in the text, the kinds of questions you should be asking of the text, and how the various parts of the Bible fit together to tell God’s grand story of redemption through Christ. Work through a study or two. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll be ready to unbolt those training wheels and study or teach on your own without needing to rely on anyone else’s materials any more – including mine.

Here are a few additional resources:

The Mailbag: Can you recommend a good Bible study for women/teens/kids?

The Mailbag: “We need to stop relying on canned studies,” doesn’t mean, “We need to rely on doctrinally sound canned studies.”

McBible Study and the Famine of God’s Word

3.

“You shouldn’t be warning against [popular false teacher]
for [X,Y,Z] reason!”

Sorry, but that’s not what the Bible says. The question isn’t, “Why am I warning against them?”. The question is, “Why aren’t you?”

Answering the Opposition- Responses to the Most Frequently Raised Discernment Objections

4.

I’m trying to find a doctrinally sound church. Can you help me?

It is my delight to help my brothers and sisters find a solid church. Please check out the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

If you’re newly saved and/or coming out of the New Apostolic Reformation, prosperity gospel, New Age, Catholicism, Mormonism, etc., I would strongly recommend reading through all of the resources in the “What to look for in a church” section of that tab before beginning your search for an actual church. You need to know what makes a church doctrinally sound (or not), and those resources can help.

Notice that there are multiple church search engines at the top of that tab. If you don’t find something in your area at the first search engine, go to the next one, and keep going until you’ve exhausted all of them.

Keep in mind that doctrinally sound churches are becoming scarcer and scarcer. You may have to drive longer than you’d like to get to one. It may not meet all your preferences. You might have to try a different denomination than you’re used to. The most doctrinally sound church you can find within achievable driving distance may have a few biblical “warts” (for example: a generally solid preaching/teaching church but the women’s ministry uses materials by false teachers). It is possible that God may put you in that less than perfect church to sanctify you, or for you to help bring about biblical change.

Sometimes people e-mail me asking if I can help them find a church. Your best bet is really to use all of the resources at the “Searching for a new church” tab. I want to reassure you that, unlike Walmart, I don’t have any churches in the back store room that haven’t been stocked yet. With the exception of a handful of churches my readers have recommended that I haven’t had a chance to vet yet, everything I have is out on the shelves at that tab. :0) (I would also encourage everyone reading this – if you attend a doctrinally sound church, click the link above and see if your church is listed on at least one of the three most popular church search engines: Founders, G3, and/or Master’s Seminary church search engines. If not, talk to your pastor about submitting your church’s information to one or more of these so people can find you! You are also welcome to submit your church for inclusion on my Reader Recommended Churches list, but that list doesn’t reach nearly as many people as the aforementioned other three do.)

If you’ve made a good faith effort at the “Searching…” tab and have exhausted all of the resources there, and you still can’t find a passable church within achievable driving distance, you have two options (one of which is not giving up on church and staying home): move to an area that has a solid, established church, or look into church planting.

If you’re considering moving for a church, do everything in your power to make sure that church is solid and is going to stay that way. Find out about their history. Watch their worship services online regularly for a few months. Set up a Zoom call with the pastor or elders, explain your situation, and “interview them”. Don’t be shy to ask any, and as many questions as you need to. You’re picking up your entire life and moving based on what they say. Churches are apostatizing at an alarming rate. The last thing you want to do is move somewhere for a church you thought was sound, only to have it take a turn toward sin or false doctrine six months after you get there.

Personally, I think church planting is the preferable option for at least two reasons. First, you don’t have to go through the hassle, logistics (“Will I be able to find a job in this new place?”), and emotional upheaval of leaving family and friends behind that comes with moving. Second, if you’re in an area where you can’t find a good church, neither can any of your neighbors. You could be the person God uses to bring a solid church to an area without a gospel witness. How amazing would that be? Pick up the phone or fire up your email and start contacting the church planting organizations listed. Explain your dilemma. Ask for their help. If none of the church planting organizations can help, contact the nearest doctrinally sound church, explain things to the pastor, and ask about his church planting a church in your area.

5.

(I’m combining two questions here because the answers to both, and the resources for both, are similar and overlap.)

The leadership at my church is kicking off a new Bible study using materials by a false teacher. What should I do?

It breaks my heart that this is, indeed, a frequently asked question. Please see my article The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?.

My friend is following a false teacher. How can I help her see this? 

Here are some resources that can help:

Words with Friends: How to contend with loved ones – at A Word Fitly Spoken (many additional resources linked here)

Words With Friends by Amy Spreeman

Clinging to the Golden Calf: 7 Godly Responses When Someone Says You’re Following a False Teacher 

6.

My church uses …
or
I’m looking for a new church,
and I found one that’s really sound, except they use…
Bethel / Jesus Culture / Hillsong / Elevation music
or other music from heretical sources.
What should I do?

Please see my article The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?. You can find information about Bethel, et al at the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. Some other resources that may be helpful:

Why Your Church Should Stop Playing Bethel, Hillsong, Elevation and Jesus Culture

The Mailbag: False Doctrine in Contemporary Christian Music

7.

Whaddaya mean women can’t preach to men? Of course they can!

Again, sorry, but that’s not what the Bible says. I would strongly encourage you to read all of the articles in my Rock Your Role series, which examines the Scriptures dealing with the role of women in the church. (Remember, for Christians, God’s Word is our authority, not our feelings, opinions, and preferences.) I would suggest starting with these:

Jill in the Pulpit

Oh No She Di-int! Priscilla Didn’t Preach, Deborah Didn’t Dominate, and Esther Wasn’t an Egalitarian

Rock Your Role FAQs

The Mailbag: Counter Arguments to Egalitarianism

8.

Why isn’t Teacher X listed at your Popular False Teachers tab?
Does the fact that she’s not listed mean she’s doctrinally sound?
Why isn’t Teacher Y listed at your Recommended Bible Teachers tab? Does the fact that she’s not listed mean she’s a false teacher?

Please understand that these are not comprehensive lists of every false teacher or doctrinally sound teacher in existence. There are thousands of both, so that would be impossible. Also, don’t jump to conclusions about any teacher who’s not on the list. The absence of a particular teacher’s name on either list says nothing definitive about whether or not I would recommend that teacher.

The articles I’ve written about false teachers have mainly been in response to readers inquiring about them. In other words, if you don’t see a particular teacher’s name on the list, it’s probably because I haven’t been asked about her, I’ve been asked about her but haven’t had time to get to it yet, or for one of the reasons below.

The teachers on the recommended teachers list are those I’ve personally listened to or read at enough length that I feel comfortable endorsing them. Most of the teachers on the list trend toward being Calvinistic/Reformed and cessationist because I believe this is the most biblically correct view of Scripture, and because, in my experience, those of these persuasions are generally more discerning about associating with false teachers, and more expository in their teaching. (Of course there are some non-Calvinist/Reformed pastors and teachers who are stellar in these areas. I’ve had the privilege of knowing a few personally.)

There are a few other reasons you might not see someone’s name on either the false teachers or the recommended teachers lists:

• My articles on false teachers are nearly always about teachers: who are well known (thus the “Popular” in “Popular False Teachers”), who women in my particular audience – average American evangelical women – are most likely to follow, and whose materials are being used in those average American evangelical women’s churches. It takes multiple hours of research to vet teachers, and I have to invest those hours into the teachers who are deceiving the greatest numbers women in my audience.

• I don’t tend to write articles on teachers who are so blatantly heretical and/or are so well known for being heretical that it should be obvious (unless I feel there’s some compelling reason to do so). This is why you won’t see, for example, Kenneth Copeland, Benny Hinn, or Nadia Bolz-Weber on the false teachers list. Kenneth and Benny are fairly well known for being prosperity gospel heretics, and a 30 second Google search should make it obvious to most Christians who aren’t already familiar with her that Nadia is a liberal heretic. And, again, your average American evangelical woman isn’t following people like this, and her church isn’t using their materials.

• Normally, I don’t write about contemporary teachers who are dead, especially if they’re not particularly popular with my demographic. This is why you don’t see names like Mother Teresa or David Wilkerson on the list.

9.

I have a dire and complicated family/marriage/church situation,
can you help me?
Can you mentor/disciple me?

I deeply wish I could answer “yes” to all of these inquiries. I’m a helper. I want to help people. But I also know that in most of these situations, I’m not the right person for the job. So my answer to these inquiries has to be “no”. I cannot engage in counseling or discipling/mentoring relationships via e-mail.

The first reason for this is that my primary duty before the Lord is to care for my husband, children, and grandchildren, to manage my household, and to be a faithful church member. That takes a lot of time and energy. And if you’ve ever read my e-mail policy, you know I don’t even have time to answer most of the e-mails I receive, let alone the time that’s required to properly disciple, mentor, or counsel someone through a difficult circumstance.

But the second reason I’m not the right person for the job is that all of these are the job of the local church. It’s not right for me to get between you and your pastor when you need counsel or between you and an older sister at your church when you need to be discipled. You need someone who can walk with you, face to face, for the long haul, through these situations. Relying on me would be cheating yourself out of connecting with the person at your church who could be there for you the best and help you the most.

And, finally, especially in dire counseling situations such as abuse, extreme marital problems, or complex issues at church, I’m not familiar with the laws and resources in your area, I’m only hearing your side of the story, I’m not getting all of the details, etc. Your pastor or an older sister at church is there. They can better help you navigate the intricacies of the situation and provide you with more effective solutions than I can.

10.

I’d love to come hear you speak in person.
When will you be speaking in my area?

As soon as someone sets up an event and invites me! I am delighted to speak anywhere I’m invited and that can host me.

The best way to be sure you’ll be able to make it to one of my conferences or events is to set one up at your church (or in conjunction with another local church(es)) or parachurch organization. I know that probably sounds daunting, but I’ve spoken at lots of small churches with limited resources, and it might not be as difficult as you think! I’ve also provided lots of helpful hints and resources at my Speaking Engagements tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) so you don’t have to break the bank or re-invent the wheel.

The second best way to keep up to date on whether or not I’ll be speaking in your area is twofold:

  1. Go to my Speaking Engagements tab and scroll all the way to the end of the page where it says “202- Calendar”. I list all of my upcoming speaking engagements there, along with where they’re located and registration information.
  2. Subscribe to my blog via email. From time to time, I’ll create an article listing all of my upcoming events, their dates, locations, and registration information.

Hope to see you soon at an event near you!

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Apologetics, Movies

Movie Time: The Bible vs. Joseph Smith

Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 11, 2018

“In this unique documentary, produced entirely in Israel, a Christian and a Mormon sit down to dialogue about one of the most important questions of faith: How do we know if a prophet is speaking the truth? Listen in on their fascinating discussion and follow along as they travel throughout the Holy Land in search of the facts. They will put Biblical prophets and Mormon prophets to the test in order to find out if their predictions actually took place in history. If even one prediction fails to come true, then that prophet fails the test!”

First John 4:1 says, “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” How do Mormonism’s prophecies stack up to the Bible’s prophecies? Watch as both are put to the test and find out!