And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7
Phew. That’s a pretty tall order, isn’t it? God may have said this through Moses to Old Testament Israel, but His words are just as relevant for 21st century Christian parents. God wants our children immersed in His Word as they go about their daily lives. Ephesians 6:4 reminds fathers that they are to bring their children up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” and as moms, we have the joy of supporting our husbands in that venture by bringing Scripture and prayer to bear on all those little daily “walk by the way” moments. But how? Here are some practical ways I’ve discovered for capturing those teachable moments and pouring God’s Word into them.
Capture those teachable moments with your kids and pour God’s Word into them!
Be faithful to your own Bible study and prayer time. Let your children “catch you in the act” from time to time. Share with them what you’re learning from God’s Word, things you’re praying about, things you’ve asked God to forgive you for, etc.
2. Train your children to have their own daily Bible study time.
You might be surprised at how early you can start developing this godly habit in your child. With an infant, you might simply take a few minutes of her morning feeding to read aloud from your Bible and pray. With a toddler, you can regularly set aside five or ten minutes (when she’s not tired or hungry) for her to sit down and look at pictures in a children’s Bible, maybe while you’re sitting nearby with your own Bible, modeling for her. As children get a little older and can read, you can set aside a block of time before their bedtime for individual Bible study and prayer. When they’re very small, children aren’t going to understand much from the Bible (although they will surprise you sometimes!), but they will still be absorbing some valuable things: the Bible is an important book, God is the top priority in my family, and God and His Word should be preeminent in my life.
3. Establish a regular time of family worship at home.
If your husband is a believer, be careful not to usurp his leadership in this area. It is ultimately His responsibility to lead his family in worship. Help each other think of ways to make your family worship time age appropriate for the children, and support your husband as he teaches God’s Word. Also, understand that with children comes chaos. (My four children who are still at home range in age from 11 to 19, and I still have to remind them to quiet down and stay on track during family worship.) It’s going to happen. Just tuck and roll and don’t give up.
4. Sing.
Who cares if you can’t carry a tune in a bucket? God doesn’t, that’s for sure. Sing some hymns while you’re washing the dishes. Sing along with some worship music (doctrinally sound, of course) in the car. Music is a great way to get God’s truths into your child’s heart and mind.
Music is a great way to get God’s truths into your child’s heart and mind.
During our family worship time, we used to go around and share prayer requests, then one or two people would pray. We found that the children were either forgetting the prayer requests or we would have to spend time writing them down. So now we often do what we have dubbed “conversation prayer”. One parent will say a brief opening prayer, and then the “floor is open” for anyone to say a (or several) one or two sentence prayer about whatever is on his heart (“Please help me do well on my math test tomorrow,” or “Lord, please save Grandmamma.”). When it seems like everyone is finished, the other parent says a closing prayer.
6. What is God up to?
Sometimes it’s hard for children (and even adults) to recognize and remember the ways God is answering prayers and working in their lives. When our children were smaller, I put up a piece of posterboard on the wall of the breakfast room with the title “What is God up to?” at the top. Whenever God answered something we had been praying about, provided for us, moved in our lives in some way, or blessed us, we made a little note about it, along with the date. It had big things – like my daughter getting saved – as well as little things – like my son finally learning to tie his shoes. It helped my children to recognize God’s sovereignty over all areas of our lives, that He does answer prayer, and that He gets the glory for everything.
Help your children recognize God’s sovereignty over all areas of our lives, that He does answer prayer, and that He gets the glory for everything.
Your children are going to struggle with things. They’re going to have times of rejoicing and times of sorrow. There will be times when they have disobeyed and need to repent of their sin. What better opportunities to teach them to take everything to God in prayer? Teach them how to ask God for help when something is too hard. Teach them to thank God for blessing them and ask Him to comfort them when they’re sad. Show them how to ask God for forgiveness when they’ve done wrong.
8. Sprinkle life with Scripture.
(In order to do this, you’re going to have to know Scripture, so be sure to be faithful to your own study of God’s Word.) When you see a beautiful sunset, talk about how God created the sun and moon. When your child is kind to someone, praise him and tell him God wants us to be kind to others. When you discipline him, show him his sin from Scripture, and talk about repentance and God’s forgiveness.
9. Memorize Scripture together.
There is a wonderfully wide variety of Scripture memory resources out there. My children were all involved in a Scripture memory program at church when they were small, and we worked on their memory verses together at home. Our home schooling curriculum, at the kindergarten level, had a 26 verse Scripture memory program in which we memorized a verse beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Seeds Kids Worship is a fantastic program with word for word Scripture songs and other great resources. There are even apps that can help. And you can always make up your own fun programs, songs, and contests to help the whole family memorize God’s Word.
10. Ask questions.
“Would God be pleased with the way you’re acting? How do you know?” “What does the Bible say about the way we should treat each other?” “What does the Bible say about _____?” Questions like these get your children thinking. They take your children from simply reading and hearing God’s Word to applying Scripture to their lives and recognizing that they must submit to it.
Take your children from simply reading and hearing God’s Word to applying Scripture to their lives and recognizing that they must submit to it.
Forget the tablets and the radio. This is a great way to harness that down time in the car (or anywhere else) and use it to teach your kids about prayer and thankfulness. It’s kind of like playing “I Spy.” Just look out the window and take turns thanking God for what you see: “Thank You, God, for making birds.” “Thank You for ice cream.” “Thank You for police officers who help us.” Or pray for people as you pass by various buildings. “God, please help the sick people in that hospital…help the pastor of that church do a good job of preaching Your Word…provide homes for the people in that shelter…” We also made it a habit to pray for victims of accidents or tragedies whenever we saw an ambulance or fire truck.
12. Kiddievangelism
Our kids need to see us sharing the gospel with people as a normal part of everyday life, and we need to explain to them why it’s so important. There’s an easy way to get your kids personally involved, too, especially when they’re small: tracts. Get some doctrinally sound tracts (my favorites are from Bezeugen) and let your child leave one in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, on the table when you leave McDonald’s, or hand one to the cashier at the store. I’ve had people turn me down when I offer them a tract, but who’s going to refuse an adorable three year old? Get them started on a lifelong habit of sharing the gospel wherever they go.
Get your children started on a lifelong habit of sharing the gospel wherever they go.
As Christian parents it’s our responsibility before God to train our children in the Scriptures, prayer, and godliness. If we slow down and ask God to direct us, He will show us all kinds of ways we can teach them diligently to our children, when we sit in our houses, and when we walk by the way, and when we lie down, and when we rise.
What are some fun or unique ways you’ve found to pour God’s Word into your children’s everyday lives?
Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er, kinda? sometimes?) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
I looked for an article on your blog about vision boards, but didn’t see one. What’s wrong with a vision board? Do you dislike them in all instances or simply in certain applications?
I hope you don’t mind, but let’s reframe the question just a tad. I totally understand what you mean, I’d just like to clarify for everyone that it’s irrelevant whether I “like” or “dislike” something. My personal, subjective opinions don’t matter one bit (and neither do anyone else’s). What matters is what God says in His written Word about things like this. So let’s use the question, “What does God tell us in His written Word about vision boards?”.
The way vision boards are typically used in both the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR), the New Age, and non-Christian circles is to figure out all your goals and dreams, put pictures of them on a board, hang the board where you can see it often, and focus on those pictures/goals/dreams in order to “manifest” them. Nowhere in Scripture does God instruct us to do anything of the sort. It’s idolatry, usually based in coveteousness, and a form of witchcraft.
How so? A vision board redirects your heart toward idolizing an object or a goal you want and away from being completely submitted to and content with what God wants. Ephesians 5 says:
walk as children of light (for the fruit of that light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:8b-10
The entire posture of the Christians life can be summed up in Jesus’ brief prayer in Gethsemane: “Not my will, but Yours be done.”. We’re not to get up every day, look at a picture of a house, or a job, or a degree we want and make that the motivating force for everything we do that day in order to obtain that thing.
We’re to get up every day, look to Christ in His Word and in prayer, “try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord,” and make that the motivating force for everything we do that day. Scripture doesn’t teach us to live our lives for a temporal goal or material possessions. Scripture teaches us to live our lives dying to self and obeying Christ. That’s the goal we live for.
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Matthew 6:19-21
God’s way is not for us to attempt to “manifest” things on our own by visualizing them and speaking incantations to try to take them by force from God’s hand, but to bring everything to Him in prayer, be obedient to His Word, submit to Him, and trust Him to bring the opportunities and situations our way that He thinks are best for us and our sanctification.
My daughter is 14 and has a friend group of about twelve friends. Two identify as bisexual, one identifies as gay, and another as transgender. Any suggestions for navigating this season with her? I’m struggling with it, she is not.
Oh dear. I’d be struggling with it, too. I’ve take a moment to pray for you and your daughter, and I’d like to ask my readers to pause here and pray for both of you, too.
I’m assuming “friend group” means a group of friends your daughter is close to and spends a lot of time with. In other words, not acquaintances she sees occasionally and might exchange a few pleasantries with every now and then. If so, you’re right to be concerned. Scripture tells us:
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has a sanctuary of God with idols?
Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
He who walks with the wise will be wise, But the friend of fools will suffer harm.
And real world experience backs up the Bible. Even non-Christian experts who study such things tell us that sexual immoralities such as bisexuality, homosexuality, and transsexuality, have spread among teenagers largely via social media and their friends. It’s just the latest iteration of fads like ripped jeans and wearing your hat backwards, only with farther reaching and much more devastating consequences.
I’m a little in the dark about your family dynamics. I don’t know whether or not you’re married, and, if so, whether or not your husband is your daughter’s father, and whether or not he’s a Believer. I also don’t know whether or not your daughter claims to be a Believer. I’m assuming you’re a Believer since you reached out to me.
All of those things will impact the situation, but, ideally, you and your husband / your daughter’s father, who is a Believer, will sit down together, talk the situation through, and then present a united front when the three of you sit down, discuss this, and he informs your daughter that she will no longer spend time with these friends.
It doesn’t matter that she wants to. It doesn’t matter how many “good reasons” she has for spending time with them or how much she assures you that she won’t be swayed from a biblical sexual ethic. You are the parents. She is the child. You are older and wiser than she is, and you can see the dangers in this situation that she can’t see.
If your daughter claims to be a Christian, I would suggest appealing first to the fact that, over and above your rules as parents, she is supposed to be obeying Scripture. And as the three Scriptures I’ve cited above demonstrate, we are not to be entangled in intimate relationships with unbelievers.
If she’s not convinced and not motivated by obedience to Christ to extricate herself from these friendships on her own, you and your husband will need to take the reins and explain to her that because you love Christ and want to obey His Word, and because you love her, you will no longer allow her to maintain these friendships: no spending time with these people, no texting, calling, emailing, or social media communication with them, etc.
Whatever you do, stand firm. Do not cave to her whining, crying, anger, or histrionics. Inform her of the consequences of disobeying you by contacting members of this friend group, and, if she disobeys, follow through. Be consistent.
And you’ll want to remind her of Ephesians 6:1:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Ephesians 6:1
You said your daughter is “not struggling with” spending time with this friend group. I’m not sure whether this means that your daughter is a sweet, young, somewhat naive, genuine Christian who thinks being friends with these people will draw them to Christ, or whether it means the opposite: that she’s not “unequally yoking” with them, she’s equally yoking with them because she is -as they are- not truly saved.
If that’s the case, she needs the gospel. Don’t beat her over the head with it every five minutes, but pray fervently for her salvation, and ask the Lord to give you wisdom and natural opportunities to discuss it with her.
If you and your husband are not already faithful, invested members of a doctrinally sound local church, that’s something you need to begin working toward immediately, and your daughter needs to faithfully attend with you and be involved as well. She needs to be removed from the pagan environment she’s chosen and redirected into the godly environment she needs.
I would also encourage you to set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel about all of this. Perhaps he can suggest a godly older woman to disciple you through this situation, or an older couple who can counsel you and your husband.
With the Lord’s help, you can handle this in obedience to Him. Ask Him to give you strength and wisdom, and trust Him to guide you through this trial.
I wanted to start sharing the gospel in live videos on Facebook. Would doing this live fit the definition of preaching to men even if you state it’s for women or would it be best to create a private group for women only? I’ve received conflicting opinions on this before. Thank you.
I’m so glad you’re thinking about this and desiring to come to a biblical conclusion! That’s so encouraging!
There are two things to take into consideration here, a) what Scripture actually states, and b) conscience, wisdom, and appearance.
Scripture does not prohibit women from sharing the gospel with others, even men. In fact, all Christians are commanded to share the gospel in the Great Commission (also click here and see #11).
Unfortunately, these days many professing Christians conflate evangelism with pastoring and preaching. Evangelism is sharing the gospel with lost people outside the church, which all Christians are commanded to do. Pastoring and preaching is biblical instruction to saved people inside the church, which God has restricted to biblically qualified men. Evangelism and pastoring/preaching are two completely different, separate things. We have to keep our biblical categories straight.
You’ll want to avoid using a tone and demeanor that look and sound like a pastor delivering a sermon, and you shouldn’t say things that sound like you’re lecturing men in particular about their failures or how they could be better husbands, fathers, or pastors, or things like that, but simply explaining how to be saved, in a conversational tone, to a general audience of whichever random people happen to click on your video is not biblically problematic. I wrote all of the material at the What Must I Do to Be Saved? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, and I share it around all the time on social media. It’s no different than sharing a tract or a website or video that shares the gospel.
Now, on the conscience, wisdom, and appearance side of things, if you feel uneasy that, for example, some of your Facebook friends go to “churches” with women “pastors” and you’re concerned they would think that’s what you’re doing (which is a distinct possibility), or if you would feel uncomfortable with your live videos being available to men, or whatever the case may be, then by all means, put up some biblical fences. Go ahead and create a private group if you want. Or, start each video with a statement or graphic that says this content is addressed to women (and re-assert that during the video with your language… “Ladies, I want you to know…” “Sisters, let’s pray…” etc.). Or maybe you present it on your regular Facebook page, and your husband (if you’re married) or another godly man or two in your life would agree to to be “on call” in the comments during the live, and if they see a man asking questions, they could dialog back and forth with him.
Thank you so much for being faithful to share the gospel!❤️
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er, kinda? sometimes?) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
The Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) faith is very prominent where I live. I previously worked with many SDA, and I actually liked that they observed the Sabbath on Saturday because it meant that I worked on their [day of worship], so they worked on mine. Other than dietary restrictions, I didn’t find any of their core beliefs any different from my own. However, I’m sure some things simply weren’t discussed, so I’m not knowledgeable about all of their beliefs. Are you familiar with SDA? Would you classify them as Christian?
SDA is, at best, not doctrinally sound, and, at worst, a cult. Similarly to Mormonism, the New Apostolic Reformation, Oneness Pentecostalism, etc., it is a religion that identifies as “Christian” and uses unbiblically redefined Christian terminology.
I’ve recently added the SDA link, as well as all of the other links below, to the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.
I would like your opinion about VBS. I know….i may sound critical or unchristian-like to feel differently about this annual event held at almost every church even though I have helped out in the past with VBS at our church but I walked away wondering about the effectiveness of it all. On the final day of VBS, there were children that raised their hands to accept Jesus after a week of crafts, snacks, games, songs, dances, lights, colorful decorations. Did they truly know what the decision was truly about? We never saw them or their families again. I know when school is out for the year, parents put together a schedule of the dates and area churches where they can drop their kids off for VBS activities. They see it all like it’s free child care.
I read about one pastor who questioned the goals of VBS as well, seeing all the money spent and energy from all the volunteers, so willing to reach the unsaved. He decided to redirect all the resources like the lessons, activities, and helpers for weekly Sunday School while reaching out, not just to the children, but also to the families. I guess my concern comes from seeing the trend in so many churches today, that are relying on entertainment more and more and less and less on the gospel. I know children need fun activities to engage them but I would like your thoughts on it all.
For those not in the know, VBS stands for Vacation Bible School. I explained what VBS is and gave a few of my thoughts about it in part 2 of our A Word Fitly Spoken podcast miniseries, That’s (Church) Life! – How to “Do Church”(cued):
I think every church needs to decide for itself whether or not VBS is a good choice for their particular circumstances and context.
Let’s see if I can address some of your more specific concerns:
I know….i may sound critical or unchristian-like to feel differently
This is a very important point to address. I’d like all of us diehard VBS-ers to take a deep breath, take a step back, and consciously grasp something here: VBS can be a very good thing, but is not indispensable. The church got along just fine without it for 2000 years, and any church today can also get along just fine without it.
Our sister’s comment here is indicative of the fact that VBS (and other church traditions) can sometimes be so engrained that it becomes an idol. And when a faithful Christian sister comes along and says, “I don’t think VBS is a fit for my church,” or, “Here’s an aspect of VBS I think is unbiblical,” or inefficient or whatever, and she feels like she’s got to brace herself against those who would accuse her of being “critical or unchristian-like to feel differently,” then the idolatry of VBS is a greater problem than the person questioning some aspect of it.
On the final day of VBS, there were children that raised their hands to accept Jesus…Did they truly know what the decision was truly about?
This is a huge problem, but it’s not the fault of VBS itself, it’s the fault of the pastor for allowing things to be done this way. This type of easy-believism, “Just repeat this prayer after me and you’re saved,” Finneyistic approach to salvation has probably created more false converts than any other single evangelistic “method”.
I can assure you that churches which are more doctrinally sound don’t engage in shenanigans like this. At my church, the kids are taught the VBS Bible lessons and the gospel is presented on parents’ night. During the week, teachers and pastors make sure everyone -parents and children- knows that if they have any questions about the gospel or salvation, they are available to talk, one on one.
a week of crafts, snacks, games, songs, dances, lights, colorful decorations…I guess my concern comes from seeing the trend in so many churches today, that are relying on entertainment more and more and less and less on the gospel. I know children need fun activities to engage them…
There’s nothing wrong with fun and games at VBS, as it sounds like you’d agree, especially if all of that hoopla is relegated to one week a year, or on an occasional basis. VBS-style fun should be a special treat, not the regular fare of Sunday School and other children’s Bible and worship activities at church every week. Again, churches being houses of entertainment rather than houses of worship is not the fault of VBS itself, but of the pastor (or “pastor,” as the case may be).
We never saw them or their families again.
That’s typical of VBS (and most other evangelistic efforts) at most churches. We do an outreach thing and we share the gospel with them. Most of the seed is going to land on the path, or the rocky soil, or be eaten by the birds. The Bible tells us this is going to happen. We scatter seed anyway.
One thing that can be helpful (and many churches do this) is for the church to take the information the parents provided when registering their child for VBS and follow up with home visits and/or other forms of contact after VBS is over, and even throughout the year.
I know when school is out for the year, parents put together a schedule of the dates and area churches where they can drop their kids off for VBS activities. They see it all like it’s free child care.
Great! Their kids are learning the Bible for hours every day during the summer! That’s awesome! (That is, of course, assuming all the churches they’re taking the kids to are doctrinally sound, which I know is a huge assumption. But, in theory, great!)
Seriously, where would you rather those unchurched kids be spending their days? Daycare? Some public school (or other non-Christian) program? At home watching TV and playing video games?
Uh uh. I would even encourage local, doctrinally sound churches to band together and make sure none of their VBS weeks overlap for this very purpose.
I read about one pastor who questioned the goals of VBS as well, seeing all the money spent and energy from all the volunteers, so willing to reach the unsaved. He decided to redirect all the resources like the lessons, activities, and helpers for weekly Sunday School while reaching out, not just to the children, but also to the families.
That’s absolutely fine. Like I said, each church should decide for itself whether or not VBS is a fit. If not, there’s no shame in stewarding your time and efforts in a different direction for evangelism. (But do keep in mind, most churches are aiming to reach the parents through the children’s participation in VBS. That’s why they have parents’ night, follow up, etc.) There are also churches that do VBS in the evenings when more parents can be around, and even churches that do adult VBS (adult level Bible study, worship, refreshments, and possibly a craft or other fun activity).
If you have questions or concerns about your own church’s VBS, I would encourage you to set up an appointment with your pastor and very kindly and lovingly discuss them with him.
I don’t know why I keep seeing your post show up on my facebook feed when I don’t even follow you but I do.
Hi there! What a super friendly way to begin an email to a stranger! Is this the first impression of your character you really want to make?
Readers, I get messages, comments, and emails from professing Christians all the time from people I’ve never heard of or interacted with, and this is the kind of tone (actually, often much worse) they lead with. And then they expect me to take them seriously as Christians offering their thoughts on biblical topics.
I can think of three reasons:
Somebody you’re friends with follows me and shares my posts, or…
It’s the algorithm. Perhaps you follow several Christian women teachers and for once a social media algorithm actually worked for me instead of against me and dropped my posts into your feed thinking you’d be interested in following me, too, and…
It’s God’s Providence. The Lord knew you needed to hear whatever part of His Word I was discussing that day and He used my post to get your attention and teach you something. Count your blessings that He didn’t knock you off your high horse and blind you to get the message across.
It grieved me to see your latest post to all of your followers about women pastors spending eternity in hell.
It grieves me that you’ve so badly mischaracterized whichever post this was. (Readers, if you’re going to write to me to complain about something I’ve written, please be specific so I’ll know what you’re talking about. I’ve written a lot of things over the past 18 years. I need to know, specifically, what you’re upset about so I can take a look at it and correct, clarify, or explain it.)
If you’re talking about this article, I clearly explained that people do not go to Hell for committing a particular sin. People go to Hell because they aren’t saved.
The Bible also tells us that people who are genuinely born again Christians do not live in habitual, willful, unrepentant sin, such as the habitual, willful, unrepentant sin of a woman pretending to be a “pastor”.
When you put these two truths together, the result is that the profession of female “pastor” doesn’t attract applicants who are genuinely saved and pursuing holiness, because those women don’t want to live in sin. It attracts women who are lost because they do want to live in sin. It’s the same with any sinful lifestyle: thievery, promiscuity, homosexuality, murder, etc.
The majority of people living sinful lifestyles are not saved. That’s why, unless they repent and believe the gospel, they will spend their eternity in Hell.
I am not a paster (sic) myself, but I have 3 friends who are and they are the most amazing women.
Let me illustrate something for you:
I’m not a lesbian myself, but I have three friends who are, and they are the most amazing women.
Do you see the faulty reasoning there? The opinion that they’re “amazing women” doesn’t mean they’re not sinning. If they’re disobeying God’s Word, they’re sinning, “amazingness” notwithstanding.
One of them works as a chaplin (sic) in a hospital.
A chaplain in a hospital is not a pastor. (But readers, this mistaking of chaplains for pastors is exactly why I advise women not to serve as chaplains. See #27 here.)
She is the head chaplin and has 3 other female chaplins that report to her. Men do not want to do this work. If it wasn’t for this group of lovey ladies that hospital would have no chaplins at all. My friend has personally led at least half a dozen people to Christ on their death bed, and I am guessing some of the other ladies have done so as well.
Let me say it again. A chaplain is not a pastor. The question is not how wonderful your friend is. The question is, “Is she disobeying Scripture?”. From your description, I have no idea. As I’ve said here (#27), there are all kinds of different job descriptions for chaplains. Some may require women to disobey Scripture, some may not. If all your friend is doing is visiting the sick and dying, sharing the gospel with them, and maybe doing some administrative duties, she’s not violating Scripture.
It’s absolutely fine and biblical for women to do these things I’ve described – not because your friend can’t find men to fill the job, but because the women who do them are not disobeying Scripture. Conversely, it is not OK for a woman to be a pastor (again, a chaplain is not a pastor) simply because a man is not readily available for the job. I would encourage you to read my recent Mailbag articleI Have to Preach Because No Man Will Step Up.
My next friend in in charge of a clothing closet and soup kitchen for women and children who are homeless or in abusive relationships.
A person who is in charge of a clothing closet and soup kitchen is not a pastor. She’s ministering (the verb, “minister” does not mean “pastor”) to women and children. This is not prohibited by Scripture (as women being “pastors” is), it is commanded by Scripture.
These woman and children come to her and are clothed and fed and ministered to. As a result of her work, 15 children who frequent her soup kitchen are spending this week at VBS and learning about Jesus, while their mothers are getting some much-needed counseling.
All of that is great, but your friend is not a pastor and she’s not doing anything unbiblical. Again, the question is not, “Is my friend producing great results?”. The question is: “Is my friend obeying Scripture?”. And the answer to that question seems to be, “Yes.”.
My last friend does grief counseling,
A grief counselor is not a pastor.
She has spent the last 10 years comforting couples that have lost their children and walking people through the grieving process. She is the first person to show up at the doorstep after a church member has passed so that she can comfort the family members.
That’s wonderful. I’ve mentioned in past articles and podcasts that because of the compassionate and caring way God has generally wired women, we are often uniquely suited to minister to the bereaved even better than men sometimes are. But that doesn’t make any woman who does so a pastor.
Although it’s wiser for a pastor or elder (with or without their wives) to formally counsel couples and men, your friend is not violating Scripture by ministering to those who have lost a loved one, she is obeying Scripture.
These 3 women spend their days feeding and clothing the lost and hungry, consoling the sick and dying, and comforting the grieving.
That’s great. You said you had three women friends who are pastors. None of the women you’ve told me about are pastors, and, from what you have told me, it sounds like they’re all being obedient to Scripture.
Quite frankly they do the work that no one else wants to do. They are out there doing this important work and they do it with such grace and compassion and patience and gentleness.
Again, that’s not the issue. The issue is whether or not they’re obeying Scripture. It sounds like these ladies are obeying Scripture.
But I need you to hear me on this: If they were disobeying Scripture, “Nobody else wants to do this work,” and “They’re doing this important work with grace…” would not excuse their sin.
There is never any excuse for disobeying God.
Christians are not people who “obey” God if it’s convenient, or if it works, or if it’s in line with what I want to do, or if it produces “good” results. Christians are people who obey God no matter what, and we leave the outcome up to Him.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:18 that a bad tree can not bear good fruit. If they are such bad trees…
I never said they were bad trees. You jumped to that wrong conclusion and falsely accused me of characterizing them as “bad trees” because (and I’m sorry this is going to sting a little, but I would not be loving you well if I didn’t tell you the truth) you don’t know your Bible. You clearly don’t know what a pastor is and isn’t, and what does and doesn’t constitute obedience to Scripture.
(But it’s never too late to start studying your Bible, and I encourage you to do so! If you need some help, check out the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.)
(If they are such bad trees,) then why do I see such an abundant harvest coming out of their lives?
But you’re not judging their “harvest” according to rightly handled Scripture. You’re judging their “harvest” according to what seems good to you and according to what seems to “work” and produce “successful” results. That’s pragmatism, not biblical Christianity. In biblical Christianity, rightly handled Scripture is our measuring stick, not what we personally like or the anticipated outcome.
It grieves me to see you teaching these people who look up to you as some kind of authority figure that they “will likely spend eternity in hell”.
And it grieves me that you have gotten yourself all worked up and falsely accused a sister in Christ (me), not because of something I’ve done wrong, but because you don’t know your Bible. It grieves me any time professing Christian women don’t know their Bibles.
One thing I am thankful for is, that when it comes to where these beautiful ladies will spend eternity, Jesus is the one that makes that call.
Of course He does. I never said, nor do I think that I “make that call”. I’m just repeating what He has clearly revealed to all of us about it in His written Word (you can read it for yourself if you don’t believe me). If you have a problem with that, your problem is not with me, but with Him.
I just read your article on divorce and remarriage*. I am struggling with this right now and it’s making me sick. We are visiting a new church, so I’m uncomfortable talking with the Pastor just yet. I recently spoke with a few people with the Permeance of Marriage view. They told me I was headed to hell unless I get out of my remarriage. My ex husband was unfaithful and proceeded with a divorce a few months later 35 yrs. ago. I’ve read Jesus’s teachings over and over and it seems that he was talking about the betrothal period for the exception clause. My spirit is very anxious right now. I’m old and don’t how I can divorce and fend for myself. Anyway, I just want some peace and don’t know what to do. Thank you for your articles.
*(I’ve written several articles about divorce and remarriage. I don’t know which of them this reader is referring to.)
Take a deep breath and rest in the peace of Christ.
Here is what I’m understanding you to say:
Thirty-five years ago, your husband committed adultery and then divorced you. At some point, you subsequently remarried someone else.
Assuming I have that correct, please do not listen to the people who are telling you that you have to divorce your current husband. That is completely unbiblical counsel and demonstrates that they know nothing about what the Bible says about salvation or about divorce and remarriage. They are also not representative of the true permanence view of marriage. People representing the biblical permanence view would simply have told you after your divorce was final that you could not get married again, but they certainly would not have come along after you were already remarried and told you to get a divorce. That doesn’t make sense. It is in contradiction with the permanence view.
As to losing your salvation (i.e. going to hell if you don’t get a divorce), that is ridiculous and borders on the heretical. If you are genuinely saved, you cannot lose your salvation for any reason. (If you’re not genuinely saved, you don’t have any salvation to lose.) I hope you’ll find my article The Mailbag: Can unforgiveness cause you to you lose your salvation? to be reassuring. It’s on a different topic, but it deals with the issue of whether or not someone can lose her salvation.
I would also like to point out that you did not sin in the ending of your first marriage. You were sinned against.Your husband committed adultery. Your husband divorced you. That does not preclude you from remarrying, biblically. Even if you had been the one to pursue the divorce, you could have remarried without sinning. Adultery is one biblical allowance for divorce, abandonment is the other.
(And none of the divorce exceptions passages are talking about the betrothal period in biblical times. During the betrothal period, the couple was considered married in every way except that the marriage had not yet been consummated, but if you’ll read all three of these passages in context, it’s clear that they’re all talking about consummated marriages because they all speak in terms of adultery, “one flesh,” sex inside of marriage, etc. They are not talking about betrothed couples, they are talking about married couples.
At any rate, this is neither here nor there as it pertains to marriage today. In our culture, we do not have betrothals akin to the betrothals observed during biblical times.)
You’re receiving some very poor and unbiblical counsel from these people who ostensibly hold the permanence view. If those people were at your previous church, and you’ve now found a doctrinally sound church, that’s good. But if this is the unbiblical view your new church is teaching, I would urge you to find a new church that’s doctrinally sound and where Scripture is handled correctly. Being in a sound church where you’re being taught biblically should help alleviate your anxiety.
Rest in the truth of God’s Word, sister. The truth shall set you free.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Have you ever thought about what it’s like to be a Christian in other parts of the world1?
Indonesia, Nigeria- Christians are slaughtered for not conforming to Islamic law. In Nigeria, since the year 2000, thousands have been put to death.
Saudi Arabia and other Gulf states, North Africa, Mauritania, Iran, the Comorros Islands, Sudan- Direct persecution by the state is written into the legal code. Any non-Islamic or dissident Islamic religious expression is forbidden. Any Saudi who seeks to leave Islam faces the strong possibility of execution.
Egypt- The Coptic Church (which is somewhat similar to Catholicism in its roots and practices) has been the target of church burnings and local massacres.
Pakistan- In 1997, the Christian town of Shantinagar, was effectively leveled.
China, Vietnam, Laos, Belarus, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan- Generally, there is freedom to worship in state-controlled religious bodies, but any religious expression outside of these bodies is strenuously controlled or suppressed.
Roman Catholicism is outlawed because it accepts the authority of the Pope, who is from outside the country. Priests and bishops have been imprisoned. Hundreds of Protestant leaders of the underground church have been arrested and sentenced to jail and labor camps.
North Korea- Nearly every free exercise of religion is viciously repressed, and thousands of people have been sent labor camps for practicing their faith.
Burma- An organization called the State Law and Order Restoration Council brutally oppresses tribal minorities, which, in large part, are comprised of Christians. Their tactics include: massacre, rape, forced labor, and the use of children to clear minefields.
United States- Christianity is protected under the Constitution and is the majority religion in this country. We even have the right to legal redress if our religious liberties are infringed upon.
We can worship publicly with no fear of government, military, or other attacks.
We do not have civil rights (such as the right to vote, work, or own property) taken away from us simply because we embrace Christianity.
We have the right to proselytize (as long as we’re not harassing anyone), advertise and spread our religion.
Persecution is usually limited to people hurting our feelings when we witness to them, and social issues that offend our sensibilities.
We have beautiful, comfortable churches (as well as Christian schools, organizations and stores), complete with heat and air conditioning; comfortable pews; nurseries; indoor plumbing; Bibles, music, and materials in our own language; musical instruments; technology; and paid, and frequently seminary-trained, pastors and staff.
So what are we doing with all these blessings? Have we gotten so used to freedom and opportunity that we consider them a birthright rather than a precious gift from God that He has the prerogative to revoke if He chooses? He did it with the Israelites time and time again in the Old Testament: They obeyed God. He blessed them. After a while, they got comfortable with all the blessings and became lazy. They strayed away from God. He gave them over to oppressive rulers. They cried out in repentance. He delivered them and blessed them, and the cycle started all over again.
What will it take to shake Christians out of our complacency?
What will it take to shake Christians out of our complacency, humble us in gratitude for the opportunities God has given us, and motivate us to use the freedom with which He has blessed us to build His kingdom?
From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.
Luke 12:48b
1Insights on Law and Society: A Magazine for Teachers of Civics, Government, History & Law, Vol. 7.3 (Spring 2007); Published by the American Bar Association
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.
2 Timothy 3:1-7
If someone were to ask you, “What kind of person do you want to raise your daughter to be?” how would you answer? Caring? Independent? Loyal? Kind?
I’m betting none of us would answer “weak,” “burdened with sins,” “easily led astray by her passions,” or “unable to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.” Yet in these last days in which we find ourselves, that’s exactly what many good-hearted Christian mothers with nothing but the best of intentions are raising their daughters to be. It’s not that they want their daughters to grow up to be spiritually weak or led astray by sin or unbiblical teaching, it’s just that they lack the skills and tools necessary for properly training their daughters in the Scriptures and godliness.
Maybe you’re one of those moms. You want to train your daughter to be a wise, godly, discerning woman, but you’re not quite sure how. Hey, we all have those areas of our lives that we need a little help with. As an older mom myself, maybe I can lend a hand.
My daughter is almost twenty, and while she’s nowhere near perfect, by the grace of God, she is a godly young lady. Looking back, there are many things my husband and I did wrong as parents. But God, in His mercy, covered our failures and saw all of us through as He taught us through His Word how to raise a biblically strong woman.
6 Ways to Raise a Biblically Strong Woman
1. Set an example.
Our daughters learn by watching us. Faithfully study your Bible, pray, attend church, obey God’s Word, submit to your husband, repent and ask forgiveness when you sin, and serve others and your church together.
2. Learn, and teach your daughter, good hermeneutics.
Hermeneutics is just a fancy word for rightly handling God’s word. Use a reliable Bible translation. Understand Scripture in its immediate and overall context. What was the author’s intended meaning, his audience, genre, and culture? Point your daughter to Christ as you study God’s Word together.
3. Find a doctrinally sound church, join it, and attend faithfully as a family.
Study God’s Word and compare everything that’s preached and taught to Scripture (in context). Does your church’s teaching line up? Then be committed to attending every single week, not just when you feel like it or when there’s nothing better to do. Instill in your daughter a love for, and a commitment to, the church.
4. Fight the fluff.
Unfortunately, many of the most popular preachers, teachers, and Christian authors (including women’s Bible study authors) teach and write things that may sound good and make us feel good, but are in direct conflict with Scripture. These are the very people Paul was speaking of in 2 Timothy 3. Teach your daughter to follow only trustworthy teachers whose theology is in line with Scripture.
5. Bring prayer and Scripture into every situation.
She can’t find her favorite doll? Kids picking on her at school? She wants to wear clothes that barely cover her? Discuss what the Bible say about these things. Pray together about them. Lead your daughter into prayer and Scripture as part of daily life, and it will teach her that God is to have authority over every aspect of our lives and that we are to obey Him in all things.
6. Teach her how to share the gospel.
If you’re not sure how to properly present the gospel to someone, learn. You can’t lead your daughter to Christ if you can’t share the gospel with her. If your daughter is already saved, make sure she knows how to correctly share the gospel with friends and loved ones. The Great Commission was the last instruction Christ gave us before leaving earth, and we are all to be about the business of carrying it out until He returns.
The 2 Timothy passage at the beginning of this article is our commission to guard our households against ungodly ways and people – even those who may falsely call themselves Christians – who might creep in and steal our daughters’ hearts and minds away from Christ. He has charged us to train them in godliness, and we must faithfully answer His call to raise wise, discerning, and biblically strong women of God.
What advice would you offer moms who want to raise
biblically strong women?
