Tag: Christian Women

Complementarianism

NEW! Counterarguments to Egalitarianism

Michelle Lesley

In 2019, I published an article, The Mailbag: Counterarguments to Egalitarianism. Many of you have found it helpful over the years, so I recently freshened it up and added a few more egalitarian arguments – and the biblical counterarguments to refute them.

Below, you’ll find (only) the new arguments I’ve added to the original article. If you’d like to read or bookmark the whole article (original and new arguments) click here.

[Word] games people play…

Recently, a couple of “word game” arguments have started popping up in this ongoing tussle:

“The Bible never says that women can’t preach!”

No, there’s not a Bible verse that says, verbatim, “Women can’t preach.”. Somehow egalitarians think this is a “gotcha,” but this is really one of their weakest and most embarrassing arguments.

First Timothy 2:12 clearly says, “I do not allow a woman to teach…”. Their argument here is that the verse says “teach,” not “preach,” so they think they’ve found a loophole. But what is preaching? Think about what’s transpiring during preaching – it’s teaching! Whoever is preaching is imparting knowledge and explaining concepts to the hearers and encouraging them to understand, believe, and act on said knowledge and concepts. Preaching is teaching.

Furthermore, the passage that governs this issue isn’t just 1 Timothy 2:12. It’s 1 Timothy 2:11-3:7, Titus 1:5-9, and 2 Timothy 4:1-2. First Timothy 2:11-15 tell us who is not qualified to pastor, preach to and teach the congregation, and exercise authority in the gathering of the church body, and why. First Timothy 3:1-7, Titus 1:5-9, and 2 Timothy 4:1-2 tell us who is qualified to do those things, and why and how.

First Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:1-9 are the qualifications for pastors, elders, and overseers. Not only do these passages exclude women from this office (“husband of one wife,” male referents {“he,” etc.} throughout), they also exclude all men who do not meet these qualifications.

Both of these passages require that a pastor/elder/overseer be “able to teach” the congregation. This is juxtaposed against the word “teach” (teach men, so, not teaching the congregation) in 1 Timothy 2:12. The primary function of a pastor/elder/overseer is to teach the congregation. Since God prohibits women from teaching the congregation in 2:12, women are disqualified from the office of pastor in 3:1-7, because they are not able to teach (according to God’s definition of teaching in this context {i.e. instructing the whole congregation}). Conversely, since God excludes women from being pastors/elders/overseers in 3:1-7 (“husband of one wife,” male referents {“he,” etc.} throughout), women are prohibited from the primary function of that office, teaching the congregation, in 2:12.

Second Timothy 4:1-2 then steps up to the plate and specifies the primary type of teaching a pastor/elder/overseer is to do: preaching. Remember, 1-2 Timothy and Titus are the pastoral epistles. They are God’s instructions to pastors/elders/overseers about how they’re to do their jobs and how God wants His church to be structured and to operate. These three epistles are God’s “policy and procedure” manual, if you will, for pastors and the church.

I do not permit a woman to teach…
1 Timothy 2:12
Therefore an overseer must be…able to teach,
1 Timothy 3:2
He must…be able to give instruction in sound doctrine
Titus 1:9
I charge you [pastors]…preach the word
2 Timothy 4:1-2

And the second “word game” argument is like unto the first:

“The Bible never says women can’t be pastors!”

Again, the Bible does not say, verbatim, “Women cannot be pastors.”. That’s the first alleged “loophole”. The second alleged loophole* is that the Bible uses the terms “elder” and “overseer,” rather than “pastor,” in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9. So – follow this carefully – even if women can’t be elders and overseers, the argument goes, women can still be pastors.

*It bears noting here that if you’re looking for “loopholes,” “technicalities,” and ways to bypass or circumvent the plain teaching of Scripture so you can indulge your fleshly desires, you’re already sinning. You never have to step behind a pulpit or preach a single word. Your heart is in rebellion against God, and you need to repent.

This is another painfully cringe-worthy “argument”. Scripture uses the terms “elder,” “overseer,” and “pastor,” synonymously and interchangeably. That’s why you often see Christians use the phraseology “pastor/elder/overseer” – because these terms mean the same thing. For example, the Southern Baptist Convention’s statement of faith, the Baptist Faith and Message 2000:

This particular argument that “the Bible doesn’t prohibit women from being pastors” is tantamount to 1 Timothy 3:1-7 teaching that the church fellowship hall may not contain a couch, and Titus 1:5-9 teaching that church fellowship halls are not to have davenports, and egalitarians saying, “It’s perfectly fine for church fellowship halls to contain sofas. The Bible nowhere says that church fellowship halls can’t have sofas.”.

Sometimes egalitarians will try to argue that the terms “pastor” and “shepherd” indicate a different office and function from elder/overseer. They then argue that the Bible doesn’t say women can’t be “pastors” and “shepherds”. This is an attempt to bypass the passages which clearly address the issue of women leading and preaching to the church, 1 Timothy 2:11-3:7 and Titus 1:5-9, and instead, kidnaping and pressing into service passages which do not address this issue.

However the wheels immediately – almost comically – fall off this argument when you come to 1 Peter 5:1-2:

So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder …shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight…

1 Peter 5:1-2

Shepherding is the way that elders and overseers exercise oversight over the church, or “flock”. Pastors, overseers, shepherds, and elders are all the same person, position, office, and function.

If you’d like to read more, I highly recommend thes articles:

A Pastor Is an Elder Is a Bishop by Ben Robin (the KJV uses the word “bishop” rather than “overseer”)

What Is the Difference between Pastors, Elders, and Overseers? at Ligonier

Gift Giving…

Sometimes appended to the aforementioned “The Bible doesn’t say women can’t be pastors!” argument is the argument that pastoring and shepherding are a spiritual gift rather than an office. Even if that were true in the way egalitarians seem to mean it (it’s not – God doesn’t “gift” people to do what He has clearly forbidden.), God has every right to dictate how we may and may not use any gift He chooses to give us. What loving parent would give her child the gift of a bicycle and not tell her how she may and may not use that bicycle for her own good and safety, and the good and safety of others?

For example, if God gives someone the gift of hospitality, that person may not exercise that gift by showing hospitality to false teachers.

If God gives someone the gift of generous giving, that person may not embezzle money from his employer so that he will have more to give.

Whatever “shepherding” means to any woman who thinks she has that gift, God does not allow her to use the gift of “shepherding” to hold the office or perform the function of an elder or overseer, including preaching, teaching men the Bible, or holding authority over men in the gathering of the church.

Christians are never allowed to exercise any spiritual gift in any way that violates the clear commands of Scripture.

Bigger fish to fry?

And then, there’s the “bigger fish to fry” argument, otherwise known as pitching an emotional, immature hissy fit. It goes something like this:

I am so sick and tired of this argument over whether or not women can preach or be pastors! There are people starving in Africa! Christians are being killed all over the world! There are Christian wedding vendors who are being persecuted for refusing to service homosexual “weddings”! Islam is making dangerous inroads in the United States! And you people want to argue that women can’t be pastors and preach?

You’re the one arguing, my egalitarian friend. Those of us on the biblical side of things are simply stating what Scripture has always said. There wouldn’t be an argument without you egalitarians arguing against what God has plainly decreed. And by the way, what are you doing to stop the starvation in Africa, the martyrdom, the persecution, Islam, and all the other “more important” issues in the world? Why don’t you simply stop arguing that women can be pastors, preach, etc., submit to and obey Scripture, and instead devote your time to getting to work on all those other problems?

Additionally, God never presents spewing emotional vomit everywhere as any sort of spiritually mature, godly, logical way to present an argument. Nor does the fact that “There are bigger problems in the world!” ever excuse sin or ever cause God to instruct us to deal with all the “big problems” in the world first before we can ever confront, address, and correct “little” sins. Even Jesus said, “The poor, you will always have with you.”.

“There are bigger problems in the world!” is never a reason to refrain from doing the right thing. And not only that, but there are Christians all over the place addressing all of these “more important problems”. It’s not like God gave us only enough bandwidth or personnel to address one problem at a time. We’re made in His image. We can multi-task.

But let’s try to apply this “argument” to some other scenarios in order to demonstrate how silly it is:

“What, God? You’re telling them to stone me for picking up sticks on the Sabbath? Don’t You know there are about a dozen pagan nations out here just waiting to attack us any day? And this is what You want to spend Your time on?”

“Are you kidding me, God? All I did was tell a little white lie about the selling price of my land and You’re going to strike me dead for that? Don’t You know the Romans are out here crucifying Christians -even Jesus!- and feeding Christians to the lions? Why aren’t You doing something about that?”

Yeah. You really don’t want to be arguing against God and His commands.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: I Have to Preach Because No Man Will Step Up

Michelle Lesley

Originally published February 19, 2018

I’ve recently met a woman who is a “pastor” of a church. When asked why she is preaching to men, her response was this:

“Men will not teach. None will stand up. We started as a congregation of women and slowly some husbands came, as well as their sons. But none will take responsibility. So if I do not speak truth and stand up, who will?”

This was in another country I recently visited where men do not take authority, nor do they desire it. Women are primary in every area.

This is a difficult situation to be in, and I do sympathize. I’ve been in church and family situations in which men were not being the godly leaders they were supposed to be. It’s very frustrating. Even more so in the case of your friend, because Scripture prohibits women from stepping in and taking over when a man will not lead the church.

(And all of this, and the following, goes for women in any church who have “stepped in” to a pastoral role or a role Scripture reserves for men such as, but not limited to: worship leader/minister of music, any other pastoral or elder position – with or without the title of “pastor/elder,” teaching co-ed adult Sunday School, Bible study, or small groups, etc.)

But in addition to the fact that the Bible is very clear that your friend is not to preach to men, she’s doing a terrible job as “pastor” on several other counts:

✢ She doesn’t believe God’s Word.

✢ She doesn’t trust God enough to obey His Word.

✢ She doesn’t fear God enough to obey His Word.

✢ She doesn’t believe in the necessity of prayer, or in God’s provision, enough to ask Him to provide a pastor.

✢ She’s not teaching her “congregation” to cry out to the Lord and trust Him to provide. Instead, she’s teaching them to take matters into their own hands when they need something, even if it means disobeying God’s Word. (Kind of like Sarah did.)

✢ She’s teaching her “congregation” that they it’s OK to disobey God if it’s difficult or inconvenient to obey Him.

✢ She’s teaching the women that they don’t have to submit to God’s design for biblical womanhood.

✢ She’s teaching the men to continue to be lazy and shirk their God-given duty to lead. Why should they when a woman is all too willing to step in and do the work for them?

She asks, “If I do not speak truth and stand up, who will?”. My answer to that question is, “That’s God’s business to take care of, not yours.” Her business is to obey Him and trust Him to work out everything else. And besides, she’s not “standing up and speaking truth”, she’s standing up and speaking or demonstrating all the untruths I enumerated above.

My counsel to this woman would be to immediately step down as “pastor,” stop preaching to and instructing the men, and publicly repent to God and to everyone in the church for her sins of disobeying God’s Word and setting a bad example for the church. She should inform them that she will no longer be preaching but that she will be praying for God to raise up a pastor, either from among the men of the church or from outside the church.

The men and women can, and should, meet to pray and sing together every Sunday. One of the other women (the former “pastor” needs to sit out of leadership for a while) can certainly teach a women’s Bible study class. But if the men want a Bible teacher or pastor, one of them is going to have to step up and do it, or God will have to send a man from somewhere else. And the women need to be sure they’re holding their ground and refusing to step into that role. What a godly testimony of obedience they will be to the men! Hopefully, it will shame the men over their own disobedience.

God doesn’t give anyone permission to disobey Him just because it’s hard or inconvenient. It was the hardest thing in the world for Jesus to go to the cross, but He did it anyway because He was obedient to His Father. He was willing to die rather than disobey. That is the example she needs to follow.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
Hebrews 12:4

In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:6

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.
Psalm 37:5

When we face tests of our faith, it is not time to take the easy way out and sin, it is God stretching us and giving us an opportunity to trust and obey Him so He can use that situation as a vehicle for growing us to greater maturity and Christlikeness.

This lady, and the rest of the church, has the opportunity here to cry out fervently to God to provide them with a pastor and then trust Him to act on their behalf. That’s exactly what Lydia and the other women at Philippi did, and God sent them Paul!

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:7-11

Which would bring more glory to God and be more of a testimony to His greatness: for this lady to have taken matters into her own hands and sinned, or for her and the rest of the women to obey God, for everyone to pray and trust God for a pastor, and then to have the awesome experience of God answering that prayer?

There’s nothing amazing, especially in that culture, about men being lazy and women stepping in and picking up the slack. Why have a Christian church that is supposed to be following the all powerful God of the universe be just one more example of that? Instead, they could have an incredible testimony of God providing a pastor and changing the hearts of the men of the church to take responsibility and lead. What kind of an impact would that have on the surrounding culture? How many doors might that open for that church to share the gospel?

Additional Resources

Rock Your Role: Jill in the Pulpit

Basic Training: Obedience: 8 Ways to Stop Making Excuses and Start Obeying Scripture

Basic Training: 5 Ways to Face Tests and Trials Biblically

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Complementarianism, Rock Your Role

Sinners and False Teachers: The Women Who “Pastor” and Preach

Michelle Lesley

It’s a question someone asked me a long time ago:

“Are female ‘pastors’ and preachers false teachers, or are they just sinning?”

“Whoa, Nellie! Hold up just a cotton-pickin’ minute, there!” That question is probably a little stunning if you’re a professing Christian who’s never before encountered the idea that God prohibits women from being pastors, preaching to men, teaching the Bible to men, and holding authority over men in the gathering of the Body of Christ – the church.

Sorry to have to rip that Band-Aid off. I know it stings, but He does.

We know from passages like 1 Timothy 2:11-3:7 and Titus 1:5-9 that women who do those things – and the men who allow or encourage them to – are in sin, because when God tells us not to do something, and we do it anyway, that’s sin. It’s the very definition of sin.

Women who “pastor,” preach, teach Scripture to, and hold authority over men in the gathering of the Body – and the men who allow or encourage them to do so – are in sin.

But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.

…appoint elders in every city as I directed you, namely, if any man is beyond reproach, the husband of one wife…

1 Timothy 2:12, Titus 1:5-6 (Excerpted)

And no, that command wasn’t just Paul’s personal, human opinion, or a command that was only for the Ephesian church at that time, or because the women of that time were uneducated, or teaching false doctrine, or more easily deceived, or any of the other man-made arguments against what Scripture plainly says.

And no, it’s not OK for a woman to violate that command simply because she has her husband’s and/or pastor’s permission, or that she’s under his “authority” or “mantle” or “covering”. No one has the authority to tell someone it’s OK to do something God has said is sin. Where God says “no,” no mere mortal has the right to say “yes”.

And no, it’s not all right for a woman to preach to, or teach the Bible to men in any gathering of the Body just so long as it’s not the 11:00 a.m. worship service on Sunday morning inside a church building. God places no such exceptions on His command. The church is the gathering Body of Christ regardless of what time, which day of the week, what size the group, or which type of venue in which they meet. Christians are the church. When Christians are gathered for worship and instruction in the Word – in the worship service, in adult Bible study and Sunday School classes, in parachurch organizations, at Christian conferences, concerts, rallies, and other events – the church is gathered, and biblically qualified men are to lead and teach them.

When God clearly commands us in His written Word not to do something, Christians say, “Yes, and amen, Lord. Please help me flee as far away from that sin as I can get.” Christians do not search high and low, far and wide for any possible exception, loophole, technicality, or exemption that would allow us to put one over on God so we can continue doing what our flesh really wants to do, all the while deceiving ourselves into believing we’re not actually sinning. You might fool yourself and others, but you’ll never fool God.

Christians do not search for any possible exception, loophole, technicality, or exemption that would allow us to continue doing what our flesh *really* wants to do, while deceiving ourselves into believing we’re not actually sinning.

Now why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’
and do not do what I say?

Luke 6:46

So, yes, without a doubt, women who become “pastors,” preach to men, teach the Scriptures to, or exercise authority over men in the gathering of the Body – and the men who allow or encourage them to do so – are sinning.

And a pastor who allows a woman to do so is not only sinning, he is also biblically disqualified – either temporarily or permanently – from pastoral ministry thrice over, because he is failing to hold to the trustworthy Word as taught, he is failing to give instruction in sound doctrine that only biblically qualified men may fill these roles in the church, and he is failing to rebuke the woman who is contradicting the sound doctrine of the biblical roles of men and women.

He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

Titus 1:9

So, violating God’s command against women “pastoring” and preaching is a sin, but does it make the woman who does so a false teacher? After all, if a woman committed adultery, or became a homosexual, or even killed someone, we would say she was sinning, but we wouldn’t call her a false teacher, would we?

Well, we might, in a sense, if she continued openly and unrepentantly doing those things while simultaneously claiming to be a Christian – and not just a Christian, but a Christian leader for people to look up to, learn from, and follow.

We would say that her behavior and example are lying to everyone and teaching the false doctrine that adultery, homosexuality, and murder are not sins, and that someone can be a Christian – even a good Christian leader – while openly, unrepentantly, and continuously committing these sins.

Further, her behavior and example are teaching everyone who sees her that if you come to a command of Scripture that you don’t like, it’s perfectly fine to disobey or ignore it.

Try to imagine your pastor standing in the pulpit on Sunday morning and saying, “Good morning, church! While you’re getting your Bibles out, I’d just like to let you know that if you come across a command of Scripture you don’t like, you are free to disobey or ignore it. In fact, doing whatever that command tells you not to do isn’t even a sin! Do it all you like! You’ll still be a Christian in good standing with God and with this church!”.

How long do you think it would take before your elders and/or deacons bodily hauled your so-called “pastor” out of the pulpit and firmly planted his posterior out on the curb?

If you go to any sort of halfway decent church, I’m guessing they’d get to the platform and lay hands on him before all the words were even out of his mouth.

And yet this is what happens every time a woman inserts herself into the role of pastor, or stands up before a co-ed gathering of adult Christians to preach or teach. The words may not be coming out of her mouth, but her behavior is actively teaching everyone in that local church or Christian gathering that…

  • a woman “pastoring” or preaching to men isn’t a sin (this isn’t only false doctrine, she’s also lying)
  • a woman can be a Christian – even a good Christian leader – while openly, unrepentantly, and continuously sinning by “pastoring” or preaching to men
  • if you come across a command of Scripture you don’t like, you are free to disobey or ignore it.

Why is it wrong for a (male) pastor to say these things verbally, but perfectly permissible for a female “pastor” or preacher to say these same things through her behavior and example?

Why is it wrong for a (male) pastor to say these things verbally, but perfectly permissible for a female “pastor” or preacher to say these same things through her behavior and example?

It’s not.

And this is just one more example of the wheels falling off of egalitarianism. Egalitarian. That word means “equal”. It means that women should be treated equally with men.

Well, what’s good for the gander is good for the goose. If a (male) pastor would be rebuked and dismissed for teaching such abominable false doctrine and lies about God and His Word, in an egalitarian world, a female “pastor” or preacher should be rebuked and dismissed for doing so, as well. You can’t have it both ways, e-gals. Either men and women are to be held to exactly the same standard, treated exactly the same, or they’re not.

Women “pastoring,” preaching, teaching the Bible to, and holding authority over men in the church has become a huge, complicated, sinful mess. Fortunately, the solution is clear cut: repent and obey Scripture.

For women, that means turning away from the pulpit and turning around to discover the joy awaiting them as they robustly fill out the crucial role of women in the church: discipling younger women, teaching children, serving and giving in any number of wonderful ways which don’t require them to do what Scripture has forbidden.

For men and pastors, that means being men of God, stepping up to fill those roles only men may fill, teaching the sound doctrine of the roles of men and women in the church, and rebuking those who contradict that sound doctrine.

When women and men turn from the sin and false doctrine of women taking on the roles God has restricted to men, the church will be healthier and everyone, including God, will be happier.

Additional Resources:

Rock Your Role: Jill in the Pulpit? (1 Timothy 2:11-12)

The Mailbag: Counter Arguments to Egalitarianism

Rock Your Role FAQs

Rock Your Role (all articles)

Holidays (Other), Parenting

Beautiful Motherhood: A Mother’s Day Bible Study

Michelle Lesley

As we look ahead to Mother’s Day,
let’s check out what the Bible has to say about mothering.
This is lesson 12 of my topical Bible study:
Imperishable Beauty- A Study of Biblical Womanhood.

Read These Selected Scriptures

Questions to Consider

1. What are some attributes or character traits of a godly mother from Proverbs 31 that we can emulate? In today’s lesson, rather than attributes to emulate, we’ll be focusing on God’s instructions to obey for mothers. We’ll examine how we’re to regard motherhood and our children, how we’re to train our children in godliness, how we’re to discipline our children out of ungodliness, and the example we’re to set for our children. Some of these instructions can also apply to childless women in their relationships with their spiritual children (i.e. younger women or children they disciple) and others. As you read over today’s passages, explain how childless women might apply some of these Scriptures.

2. Examine the first three passages (Psalm 127-Titus 2) together. What do these passages say about how we are to regard motherhood and our children? What should the attitude of our hearts be? In what sense are children a reward? How do we know that Psalm 127:3 does not mean that if you act in a way that pleases the Lord He will reward your good behavior with children? What does this verse mean? Is loving your children (Titus 2:4) simply a feeling of affection toward them? If so, why would young women need to be trained to love their children? When you finish today’s lesson, come back to Titus 2:4 and give a fully-orbed biblical definition of what it means to love your children.

3. Examine the next five passages (Proverbs 22-Ephesians 6) together. Why does God want us to train our children in godliness? Explain the phrase “in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6). How does the gospel figure in to training your child? Look carefully at the three Old Testament passages. At what age should we begin training our children in godliness and the Scriptures and how long should this training continue? Is Proverbs 22:6 an iron-clad guarantee or promise from God that if we raise our children in a godly home they will definitely get saved and turn out to be godly adults? Why not? (Scroll down to the Deuteronomy 21 passage if you need help.)

To whom are the Colossians and Ephesians verses addressed? Does this mean they don’t apply to mothers or that it’s OK for mothers to provoke their children, but not fathers? If they apply to both parents, why are they addressed to fathers? How are we not to deal with our children according to these verses? What does it mean to provoke your children? Why are we not to provoke them (Colossians), and how are we to deal with them instead (Ephesians)? Compare Ephesians 6:4b to the Old Testament verses in this section. How are they similar?

3. Examine the next three passages (Proverbs 29-Deuteronomy 21) together. What is the purpose of godly discipline? What are the biblical definitions of the words “discipline” and “reproof”? Are discipline, reproof, and training the same as punishment? Why or why not? What are some of the consequences of disciplining your child? The consequences of refusing to discipline your child? According to Proverbs 13:24, what motivates someone to discipline her child? What motivates someone to refuse to discipline her child? Are “love” and “hate” simply emotional feelings in this verse or an attitude, posture, or orientation of mindset toward the child? Look closely at Deuteronomy 21:20. Is this passage most likely talking about a very young child or an older child/teenager? According to the Deuteronomy 21 passage, does godly discipline always result in an obedient son or daughter, or can there be exceptions to the rule?

Why is it important to both train your child in godly ways and discipline him out of ungodly ways? Explain how this fits into the “put off the ungodly, put on the godly” model of biblical sanctification.

4. Examine the last five passages (Deuteronomy 21-Matthew 10) together. What do these passages teach us about the godly example we need to set for our children?

Sometimes we see implicit instructions to parents in passages that explicitly teach children how to treat and regard their parents. For example, if there were a verse that said, “Children, love your parents,” we could learn from that verse that we need to act in a way (lovable) that makes it easier for our children to obey that Scripture. Considering this concept, look at the Exodus 20 and Proverbs 1 passages. If your children are to honor you, in what manner should you behave? What should your teaching be like if your children are not to forsake it and to consider it a “graceful garland” and a “pendant”?

What is the context of Ezekiel 16? To whom is the parent/child metaphor in this  passage addressed? Explain the phrase “like mother, like daughter”. Why is it important to set a good example for our children with our own behavior, and why was this a good metaphor for God to use in addressing Israel’s unfaithfulness to Him?

Examine the Deuteronomy 21 and Matthew 10 passages together. What is to be a mother’s highest priority – her relationship with her child, even the life of her child, or her love for, obedience to, and loyalty to Christ? Do you love Christ more than your child? If you had to choose between your child and Christ, who would you choose? What message does it send to our children when we show and tell them that we love Christ more than we love them? How can you demonstrate to your child that your highest love and loyalty is reserved for Christ?

Homework

Examine each of the instructions in Deuteronomy 6:6-9. Make a list of practical ways your family could put each of these instructions into practice and discuss it with your husband. Together, pick one of these practices and implement it with your children this week.

Suggested Memory Verse

Church

All Word and No Play: The Importance of Fun and Fellowship in the Doctrinally Sound Church

Michelle Lesley

Originally published November 10, 2017

The mingled aromas of cakes and cookies, chips and dips and pasta salads, wafted from the kitchen into the living room and wove its way through the the quiet din of treble voices and joyful laughter sharing stories and recipes and tales of the work week.

Sunday School ladies were in the house.

I had invited them over for a time of fellowship and a brief discussion to gauge their interest in a women’s Bible study class I’d been hoping to start. Would any of them want to attend a weekly women’s Bible study? Which day of the week would be best? Morning or evening? Which book of the Bible or biblical topic would they like to study? My questions were met with a few polite and perfunctory answers until one of the ladies bravely ventured, “You know, we have good, solid preaching at our church, and we get great Bible study every week in our Sunday School class, but we never get to just sit around and visit and get to know each other better like we’re doing tonight. I think we need that more than another Bible study class.”

If I still had a hoop and could remember how to make a French knot, I’d embroider that on a pillow. Or maybe a pew cushion. She was right.

In recent years we’ve been privy to numerous churches who seem to be on mission to transform themselves into Six Flags Over Jesus. Pastors who deliver stand up comedy routines instead of preaching the Word. Helicopters dropping Easter eggs for the annual hunt. Disney-designed fire truck baptistries, video games, and bubble machines in the children’s department. Car, sports tickets, and vacation pacakge giveaways. Over the top Christmas variety shows. The evangeltainment force is strong on the high places.

But while churches need to be careful not to fall into the ditch of foolish fluff and worldliness, neither should doctrinally sound churches jump into the ditch on the other side of the road of turning every single church get together into a Bible study, worship service, or outreach project.

While churches need to be careful not to fall into the ditch of foolish fluff and worldliness, neither should doctrinally sound churches jump into the ditch of turning *every single* church get together into a Bible study.

Some of you ladies are gasping in holy horror. (Don’t try to deny it. I can hear you.)

Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. Please. I am by no stretch of the imagination suggesting that churches should turn into amusement parks like the ones cited above. I’m not saying we shouldn’t hold copious numbers of worship services and Bible studies and outreach projects. We absolutely should. Preaching, teaching, discipleship, and evangelism should be the main focus of the church.

What I’m saying is that – in the hustle and bustle of studying and serving – we need to make sure we’re also leaving space for brothers and sisters in Christ to simply spend unprogrammed time together. Growing to know one another more intimately. Sharing our little everyday joys and sorrows. Laughing together. Deeply loving one another. Blowing off steam and having a little fun.

Those things don’t happen while we’re listening to a sermon, paying attention to a Sunday School lesson, or busily working on an outreach task. But they’re a vital part of growing in Christ together. As a family.

One of the many reasons local church membership isn’t optional for Christians is that it places us in the required environment for practicing the “one anothers” found throughout the New Testament. But how can we “through love serve one another” if we don’t know a sister well enough to know how best to serve her? How can we “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” if we never take the time to sit down with each other and find out what those burdens are?

How can we “through love serve one another” or “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” if we never take the time to sit down with each other and find out how we can best serve, or what those burdens are?

If your church has solid biblical preaching, doctrinally sound Sunday School or Bible study classes, members who joyfully serve the Body when opportunities are presented, and who share the gospel with the lost, it’s OK to have the occasional event that doesn’t revolve around those activities, and instead provides the opportunity for simple fellowship between brothers and sisters in Christ. A church picnic. A men’s breakfast. A ladies’ night out. A potluck dinner on the grounds. A coffee klatch. A Christmas party.

If your church has solid biblical preaching and teaching, members who joyfully serve the Body, and who share the gospel with the lost, it’s OK to have the occasional event that doesn’t revolve around those things.

And it’s not necessary to turn any of these events into a Bible study.

Why? Because when Christians get together, the talk invariably and organically turns to things of a spiritual nature.

I gave a lot of thought to what the lady from my Sunday School class said at our fellowship that evening. And instead of planning a weekly Bible study, I started planning the occasional ladies’ night out – a simple dessert fellowship at my house, or dinner at a restaurant. Every time we get together, we inevitably end up talking about spiritual matters. Once, we spontaneously gathered around and prayed for a sister who had shared some things she was struggling with. Another time, we brought up some Scriptures to encourage one of the ladies who was walking through a particular issue with her child. We’ve discussed and recommended good godly books (and warned against some poor ones) to each other. We’ve laughed a lot, and sometimes cried, but mostly, grown…together.

People talk about what they’re most passionate about. And Christians are most passionate about the things of God. We need to be sure we’re trusting and believing that, not fearing that if we don’t have a devotion at our dinner, or have our coffee in one hand while doing a missions project with the other, that church members will suddenly abandon Christ and start dancing around the Asherah pole. And we need to know God well enough to know that He is not somehow displeased when His people simply interact with each other over whatever comes to mind without a biblical outline and three commentaries on the table.

We need to know God well enough to know that He is not somehow displeased when His people simply interact with each other over whatever comes to mind without a biblical outline and three commentaries on the table.

Also unbiblical and, thus, spiritually unhealthy, is the mindset that if we’re not meeting for organized preaching, teaching, or ministering, we have no reason for meeting at all. Not true. When I hear from women who attend doctrinally sound churches with that attitude, what I most commonly hear from them is that they’re lonely. They have no one they can call, or talk to, or pray with when they have a problem to sort out or joyful news to share because they don’t feel close enough to anybody in their church. That’s a crying shame. No healthy Christian in a doctrinally sound church should regularly feel isolated and lonely.

No healthy Christian in a doctrinally sound church should regularly feel isolated and lonely.

Good preaching, teaching, and outreach are imperative for every church. But so are the heart to heart relationships between Believers in the Body. So do the studying, listen to the preaching, and work your fingers to the bone serving, but don’t leave out fun and fellowship. All Word and no play makes for an unbalanced, unhealthy church.

Good preaching, teaching, and outreach are imperative for every church. But so are the heart to heart relationships between Believers in the Body.