“I agree with what you’re saying, I’m just afraid it might arouse guilt and shame in newer believers, as well as those with sensitive consciences,” a follower recently said in response to a statement of biblical truth I posted on social media. I’ve been pondering that ever since she said it. It was good food for thought.
Guilt and shame are not subjects we often talk about outright. Rather, they seem to be a taboo silently woven into the fabric of our collective consciousness in 21st century Western culture – even in evangelicalism. It’s an unspoken law with the direst of consequences: “Thou shalt never say or do anything that causes anyone to feel guilty or ashamed for the choices she has made or the way she lives her life.” If you do, cancel culture will hunt you down and publicly eviscerate you. You’ll be shunned, and you can kiss your reputation goodbye. Why? Because our society tells us that guilt and shame are the absolute worst things someone can feel.
But is that really true? Or could it be that the prince of the power of the air is lying to us yet again?
While the church has historically done a stellar job of sharing the good news that Christ took away our guilt and shame on the cross, it has not always done a good job of explaining what the emotions¹ of guilt and shame are or the proper function they are to serve in the lives of both Believers and unbelievers.
There are two kinds of emotional guilt and shame: biblically appropriate and biblically inappropriate. Biblically appropriate guilt and shame is when you feel guilty and ashamed as a result of doing something wrong. Biblically inappropriate guilt and shame is when you feel guilty and ashamed when you haven’t done anything wrong.
Biblically appropriate guilt and shame are good gifts from God. They are like a fever that tells you you’re sick and need to take some medicine. Lost or saved, new Believer or seasoned Saint, sensitive conscience or not, if someone is sinning, she should feel guilt and shame, because she has transgressed a holy God. For the lost person, that guilt and shame is an internal reminder that she stands forensically (legally) guilty before God and needs a Savior. For the Believer, that guilt and shame is the conviction of the Holy Spirit leading her to repent and obey Christ instead of sinning. Biblically appropriate guilt and shame are biblically appropriate because your feelings about what you’ve done match the facts of what you’ve done. You feel guilty and ashamed because you are guilty of doing something shameful: sin.
The warning sign of guilt and shame is a blessing from a good, kind, and merciful God calling us to repent immediately and return to Him before we dig ourselves into a deeper pit of sin. Like a loving father who starts with a stern look when his child first misbehaves and then progressively moves on to increasing levels of discipline, God does not pour out the full fury of His wrath at our first bobble toward sin. He starts with the “stern look” of guilt and shame.
Have you ever read the Old Testament and explored some of the more drastic warning signs God had to send His people, and the pagans they lived among, when they sinned and hardened their hearts against the guilt and shame He blessed them with? Have you contemplated the horrors of eternal conscious torment in Hell, lately? When we consider…
- how dangerous sin is for us in this life,
- how petrifying the prospect of what God could do to us, has every right to do to us in His anger over our sin if He were so inclined,
- how the heart of God is not to punish and destroy, but to redeem and reconcile
…it is much easier to recognize biblically appropriate guilt and shame as an act of unfathomable love from God.
If a professing Christian doesn’t normally feel guilt and shame when she has clearly sinned, she should be extremely concerned. That is usually the fruit of someone who is unregenerate, not someone who is saved, and she would do well to follow Scripture’s mandate to examine herself against rightly handled Scripture to see if she is indeed in the faith.
But what about experiencing biblically inappropriate shame and guilt? In the life of a genuinely regenerated Christian, biblically inappropriate shame and guilt mainly takes one of two forms:
- feeling shame and guilt for your own pre-salvation sins, or post-salvation sins you’ve already repented of
- feeling shame and guilt for someone else’s sin or for something else outside your control
This kind of shame and guilt is inappropriate because it is misapplied. God intended shame and guilt to bring you to repentance for your sin, not to haunt you for sin you’ve already repented of or for someone else’s sin or something outside your control.
If you have bowed the knee to Christ in repentance and faith that His death on the cross, burial, and resurrection paid the penalty for your sin, then God’s good gift of guilt and shame has done its job. It’s over. Christ took your guilt and shame and sin, nailed it all to the cross – and it died there. It did not come down off the cross with Jesus, and it was not resurrected with Him. You have the glorious privilege as one robed in the righteousness of Christ, to rebuke those feelings of guilt and shame over past sins any time they rear their ugly heads, armed with the knowledge that you are forgiven and free. Christ paid with His blood to give you the right not to have to feel those feelings. Send them packing by praising God for His wonderful gift of grace and mercy to you in Christ.
And what about feeling guilt and shame for someone else’s sin? Perhaps you did your best to raise your child in a godly way, but he grew up to become a rapist or murderer, and you feel guilty. Maybe someone committed the sin of abuse against you and you’re dying of shame inside. If I just hadn’t done this, or if I had only done that, he wouldn’t have done what he did. It’s my fault.
May I make a suggestion? Do a good, long, hard study of Ezekiel 18. God is crystal clear – in such a loving and comforting way – that He does not hold you responsible for anyone’s sin but your own. You are – not as a matter of subjective opinion or feelings, but as a matter of forensic, objective fact – not guilty of that person’s sin. So if you’re feeling guilt and shame, your feelings don’t match the facts. Your feelings are boldly and brashly lying to you in the face of what God says is true about you. He says you’re not guilty. Your feelings say you are. Who are you going to believe?
That’s why it’s incredibly important that we believe God’s objectively true written Word over and above our feelings. It’s also why it makes me so angry when seeker driven churches and women’s “Bible” study materials focus on your personal feelings, opinions, preferences, and life experiences instead of properly teaching you the Bible. How can you believe God’s Word over your feelings if you don’t even know God’s Word? When all you know is your raw emotions and not what God says, that leaves you trapped, a slave to your con artist feelings, when you could be completely set free from the shame and guilt God never intended for you to feel for someone else’s sin.
And, finally, you could be feeling biblically inappropriate guilt for an accident or something else outside your control. If we had just bought a different house, we wouldn’t have been living in this one when the tornado hit, and my husband would still be alive. If I had just taken a different route, I wouldn’t have encountered that unexpected traffic accident and missed my daughter’s senior recital.
There’s a key truth all Christians need to come to grips with here: God is sovereign over every atom and event in the universe. You are not. God knows the future. You do not. God is God. You are not. When you feel guilty for things you had no way of knowing, preventing, or avoiding, you are essentially saying you should have God’s omnipotence and omniscience. You’re feeling guilty for not being God.
And your feelings of guilt over something like this are also saying that God was wrong for allowing what happened to happen, because if you were God, you wouldn’t have let it happen. Take a moment and let that sink in. Your feelings of guilt over something unforeseen and unavoidable say that you think you could do a better job of being God than He can. Well, let me tell you what we both already know. You can’t.
God determined from the foundations of the earth exactly which day, and how, and where, your husband was going to die. If it wasn’t God’s will that he die in a tornado on that day, in that house, he wouldn’t have. If God wanted you at your daughter’s recital, you would have been there.
You don’t have control. Control is an illusion. God has control. (And that’s good. Because God knows faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar better than we do the right thing to do in every situation.) And if you don’t have control, then you didn’t do anything wrong. And if you didn’t do anything wrong, feeling guilty is biblically inappropriate, a) because God’s purpose for guilt is to draw you to repentance over your sin, not for failing to achieve Godhood, and b) because your feelings (“I’m guilty!”) don’t match the facts (you’re not).
God is sovereign. He always does what is right and best in every situation, even if you can’t see it and don’t understand. And because He always does what is right and best, you can trust Him in those terrible incomprehensible situations. Take some time to study what God’s Word says about trusting Him.
A major problem in evangelicalism today is that we have followed the world’s lead and made people’s feelings into a god. We are more worried about hurting people’s feelings than providing them actual biblical help. And we all, including me, need to repent of that and stop it. It is infinitely better to fleetingly hurt someone’s feelings with biblical truth that leads her to Christ, than to allow her feelings to be an untouchable idol that keeps her in sin.
There has to be something higher, more important, than protecting someone from feeling biblically appropriate guilt and shame. There has to be something lofty enough to rescue people out of biblically inappropriate guilt and shame.
There is: God and His Word.
Exalting God and His Word to their proper and deserved place of preeminence and authority, and submitting to them in our hearts, minds, churches, and relationships is not simplistic, it’s foundational. And when it comes to the veneration of people’s feelings (and far too many other issues) we have become the foolish man who has traded a foundation on the rock of God’s truth and His ways for one on the enticingly sandy beach of worldly “wisdom”.
…it’s starting to rain.
15 thoughts on “Guilt and Shame- Burden or Blessing?”
Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging.
You hit it out of the park Michelle. Well said! So simple of a truth but really something that confuses and traps us women very easily. Thanks for sharing.
Glad it was helpful. Thanks for the encouragement. :0)
This came at such a necessary time for me as I just got word from my church’s women’s ministry leaders that despite my warnings they see no problem with Beth Moore and Lifeway. This is on top of the concerns I brought up with our Pastor and music ministry leaders on singing Bethel music. I have been politely told, “you have a right to your opinion.” I have spent the last 2 months researching churches in my small town and I am striking out. So much false doctrines, canned bible studies, topical sermons, unbiblical leadership…I want to worship in a community, but I also do not want to be caused to stumble. I don’t want a perfect church, just one that is right….not almost right. Wow…I sure got off topic. Great article Michelle…..your blog, videos and podcasts have been such a blessing in my discernment quest. Many blessings to you. Patti
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It is my joy to serve you in Christ.
I’m sorry about the difficulties you’ve been experiencing with your church. It is an all too familiar story. In case you haven’t seen it yet, you might want to check out the “Searching for a new church?” tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. I hope it will be helpful.
Thanks Michelle, I have. My sweet husband went home two years ago, so I am navigating as a widow. I may have to consider a longer trip on Sundays to our closest town an hour and a half away.
Patti wrote: “I don’t want a perfect church, just one that is right….. not almost right.”
We are right there with you. We know how to find a doctrinally sound church and things have not worked out for us, either. And we even drive 30 miles to one we thought might work out, but it hasn’t. It’s not so much about doctrine, but being so far away we are really not in the “community.” Also we would like the shepherding to be a little more personal in that we don’t have to always be the ones to initiate that we “want” to be checked on by the pastor. We would like deeper teaching, also. Now that’s hard to find these days, isn’t it?
There are no answers to finding the right one when there are so many that are way off the tracks – not so much blatantly heretical, but things that creep in like in women’s ministries, etc.
I feel like people must think we are looking for the perfect church, and that’s not the case. But we aren’t supposed to care what other people think, are we?
I needed this more than ever today. Thank you Michelle.
You’re welcome, Shannon. It is my pleasure to serve you in Christ. :0)
I agree with whomever made this comment to you:
“I agree with what you’re saying, I’m just afraid it might arouse guilt and shame in newer believers, as well as those with sensitive consciences,” a follower recently said in response to a statement of biblical truth I posted on social media.
I certainly agree with the biblical truths you have noted but my concern is that not only might it arouse guilt and shame it might scare them off if they were considering becoming a member of the church. A seasoned Christian would need to realize the person might not understand the context and perhaps become a mentor to that person (woman). This might prove difficult because most folks who are new are not likely to share their concern.
Which biblical truths have I noted that you are concerned will arouse guilt and shame and how has this article failed to address those concerns? And which biblical truths would scare a Christian off from becoming a member of a church?
There was no intent in my message to imply biblical truths were the issue, I was adding to another’s comment. My comments merely were personal observations. Years ago, as a new Christian, I was very uncomfortable due to past alcohol and drug issues I had because of my guilt and shame. I hoped if a seasoned Christian woman had noticed my uncomfortable demeanor she may have had the courage to step up to help and encourage me to delve into the Word. My particular guilt and shame came in the door with me. I was unable at that time to ask for a mentor. I had been clean and sober for seven years but was very unsure of myself and felt ashamed and guilty that I didn’t know more about Scripture.
In the many years since, I have tried my best to study the Scriptures and have found women’s bible studies to be most helpful. Additionally, I attended ACBC training for a year which was very helpful in the continued healing of my issues and more importantly, truly believing God has been with me through it all.
I apologize if I was not clear and appreciate the information you provide. By the way, I just printed out what you wrote so I can study it further.
Hi Candice- I’m so sorry I misunderstood you. I rejoice with you in what God is doing in your heart and life to grow you in Christ. :0)
Thank you for this article and for the study in Ezekiel, that led me to it. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the guilt of my past. It takes a good swift kick from the Word of God, to shake it. You delivered that kick well with this article.
Thanks, Caitlin. I’m glad it was helpful.