Mailbag – Page 52 – Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question. I also like to take the opportunity in these potpourrri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar can be a helpful tool!

Can you explain what replacement theology is?

I can, but there are pastors and theologians way smarter than I am who have done a much better job of it than I could. I reached out to my friend Pastor Gabe “WWUTT” Hughes for some help and he addressed the question in this episode of the When We Understand the Text podcast (starting at about 1:30):

WWUTT 565 Q&A Replaced Protesting Eligibility?

You may also find the following resources helpful:

The Church and Israel: The Issue at Ligonier

What is replacement theology / supersessionism? at Got Questions

What is replacement theology? at CARM

Supersessionism at Theopedia

I want to get more involved in serving my church. Can you recommend a spiritual gifts survey web site so I can find out what my spiritual gifts are and how I should be serving?

First of all, thank you. It is awesome that you want to serve your church more, and better. This question is so encouraging to me!

I actually wouldn’t recommend taking a spiritual gifts survey. Taking one of these tests is kind of a backwards way of going about finding a place to serve. It puts you into the mindset of “OK, I’m going to figure out my gifts and then find a position of service in one of those areas”. (And to be honest, you can take five different assessments and get five different answers as to what your gifts are.)

But really, the best way to discover what you’re gifted at is to jump in and start serving. As you serve – and, of course, as you continue to study your Bible, pray, and sit under good teaching and preaching at church – you’ll start figuring out where you’re gifted and where you’re not. Others will also have the opportunity to observe you and give you godly counsel about your strengths and weaknesses. You might even find that you’re gifted at something that you never would have imagined! I sure did!

Instead of taking a spiritual gifts test, ask your pastor or elders about the areas your church needs someone to serve in, and prayerfully pick the task that seems to be the best fit for you. You’ll meet a need at your church, and the Holy Spirit will use that ministry experience to direct your steps toward future areas of service.

You might also like to try my resource The Servanthood Survey. It’s all about what the Bible says about servanthood and serving in the local church.

Is your study in 1 John available in workbook format? If so, I would love to buy a copy.

Is it OK if I print out one of your Bible studies to use in my Sunday School class or in my personal quiet time?

All of the Bible studies I’ve written are available for free under the “Bible Studies” tab at the top of this page. This is my gift to you and to any churches which would like to use them. My family lives very modestly on one income, so I know what it’s like not to be able to afford all the resources you’d like to splurge on. This is a way I can give back. (If the reason you’d like to purchase my materials is so you can support me financially, click here or here instead.)

Any reader is more than welcome to print out any Bible study or article you find here – no need to ask permission. There are two ways to print:

1. At the bottom of each article, beneath the words “share this” there’s a button that says “more.” Hover over or click that button, and a dropdown of several more buttons will appear, one of which is a “print” button.

2. You can copy and paste the article into your word processing program and print from there. (This will save you some ink because you can print the text only and leave out any images you don’t need.)

The only thing I ask is that when you print out one of my articles to distribute to others (not necessary if it’s just for personal use), please make sure my name (Michelle Lesley– “Lesley” is my last name, not my first, and it ends with an “ey,” not an “ie”) and/or web address (MichelleLesley.com) is on there somewhere.

I ask this for several reasons, adulation not being one of them. First, there have been a few plagiarism scandals in evangelicalism over the last several years. Best practice is just to avoid that potential problem altogether by slapping a quick credit on the page. Next, it’s to protect you. If I accidentally mishandle Scripture in a Bible study, if someone gets angry about an article I wrote, etc., I don’t want her blaming you because she thinks you wrote it. That’s my responsibility. Finally, if the person you gave the article to, or a third party, picks up the resource you’ve printed out and wants to know more about Christ, I want her to be able to come to my blog and get the biblical gospel and doctrinally sound teaching.

Print away!

A pastor printed out this article as a bulletin insert for his church.

I know you’ve written an article saying that _____ is a false teacher, but what about [this particular book she wrote]? Is it OK for me/our church to study?

The best way to answer this question is to have you ask it of Jesus, Paul, or any of the other New Testament writers.

Read Matthew 23 and ask Jesus if your pastor and elders should read Joe Pharisee’s book on pastoral leadership.

Read 1 Timothy 1:19-20 and ask Paul if he thinks Hymenaeus’ book on faith would be good for your discipleship class.

Read 2 Peter 2 and ask Peter if your women’s Bible study group should use the DVD series of anyone who fits that description.

When Scripture talks about avoiding false teachers, it always talks about avoiding the teacher himself, as a whole. That means all of his writings, materials, conferences, products, and merch. You won’t find a Scripture that tells you it’s OK to “eat the meat and spit out the bones” when it comes to false teachers, even if he says things or writes books from time to time that seem okay-ish. In fact, Scripture says we’re to expect false teachers to sound biblical at times, but never says it’s OK to (supportively or positively) use those biblical-sounding, tweets, articles, or books. We’re to stay away from the person.

And it’s not just to protect you or your church from false doctrine. It’s actually one of the ways we demonstrate Christ’s love to the false teacher. Go back to the 1 Timothy 1:19-20 link above. Why did Paul hand Alexander and Hymenaeus over to Satan? So they would “learn not to blaspheme”. Read 1 Corinthians 5 and Matthew 18:15-20. Why do we disfellowship unrepentant sinners from the church? To clearly send them the message that they are bearing the fruit of an unbeliever and that they need to repent and believe the gospel for the sake of their own souls.

When you continue to follow a false teacher, retweet her, share her posts, buy her books, and attend her conferences – even if you think you’re supporting only her “meat” and spitting out her “bones” – you are tacitly sending her the message that you approve of her and her ministry as a whole. That she is saved, biblical, right with God, and not in need of repentance. You are, in a way, lying to her, perhaps at the cost of her eternity. Is that really something you want on your conscience? Do you realize you’re disobeying Christ and His Word when you do these things?

Is it OK to use certain materials by a person who has demonstrated that she is a false teacher? My answer is the same as Scripture’s. No.

I was married before I became a believer. My cousin who is a “pastor” married us. My cousin is a woman. Am I married if a woman isn’t supposed to be a pastor?

I’m not sure if you mean legally or in the eyes of God, but the answer is “yes” on both counts. If she was licensed by the state to perform marriages and you filed a marriage license and went through whatever other legal procedures your state requires, you are legally married.

You are also married in the eyes of God regardless of who performs the ceremony. You could have gone down to the courthouse and had a judge who was a raging atheist marry you and you’d still be married in God’s eyes. What validates a marriage to God is not the person performing the ceremony, but your vow and commitment to, as Genesis 2:24 says of Adam: “leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag, Marriage

The Mailbag: My fiance and I don’t agree on theology.

November 27, 2017September 5, 2022 Michelle Lesley

After struggling to find a solid local church, I finally found one that’s gospel-centered. I have been fellowshipping there for close to 6 months now and am planning to pursue membership soon. My fiancé is a godly man, but he lives in another town, so he fellowships and serves in a church which he knows has some unbiblical doctrinal issues I won’t compromise on. After our wedding, we plan to live in the town he currently resides in. There are no Bible believing churches around (all are prosperity gospel churches). I am confused because I am not ready to listen to unsound teaching and later bring up my children in a community I don’t agree with theologically.

That’s such a difficult dilemma to be caught in, and I certainly do sympathize. An engagement period should be a joyful time of planning your wedding and your subsequent life together, not agonizing over major disagreements.

That said, it is good that you recognized this problem before the wedding rather than after, and I would strongly encourage you not to move ahead with the marriage unless and until the two of you have come to a biblical agreement on the matter.

Marriage can be challenging even when you agree on all the important stuff. But when you staunchly disagree on what should be the most important issue in your marriage – Christ, His Word, and His church – it can be devastating. Even if you think you are spiritually mature enough to work through the issue and remain committed to your vows, your husband might not be, and could decide he’d rather give up on the marriage than continue to struggle.

There are a couple of Scripture passages I’d encourage you to take a look at as you continue to work through this dilemma:

2 Corinthians 6:14-18: Though verse 14 of this passage clearly says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers,” (You said your fiancé was a godly man, so I’m assuming he’s a Believer.) and though the context of this passage is more broadly about the church yoking with unbelievers than it is about marriage, there are still some important applications to your situation.

Get a good picture in your mind of two oxen being yoked together to pull a plow or wagon, because that’s the image the Holy Spirit is giving us in this passage. Even if you’re both oxen (i.e. both Believers) what’s going to happen if you’re pulling one direction and your husband is pulling the other direction? Or if you’re pulling one direction and he digs his hooves in and refuses to budge? To plow rightly, you’ve got to be pulling in the same direction together. What would happen if you yoked a full grown ox with a small calf? Even if you’re pulling the same direction, that yoke is going to rub one or both of you raw, cause blisters, etc. Prayerfully think about the words “yoked,” “partnership,” “fellowship,” “accord,” “share,” and “agreement” in this passage in light of the spiritual differences between you and your fiancé.

Ephesians 5:22-33: Examine what this passage calls you to in your role as a wife: Submit to your husband. Respect your husband. Already you have an issue because when it comes to your husband requiring you to do something ungodly (such as attend and raise your children in a heretical “church”) you, as a Believer, must “obey God rather than men.”

Now examine the role this passage calls your husband to. Is he giving himself up for you as Christ did for the church in order to make sure you grow and flourish in sound doctrine in your relationship with the Lord? (v. 25-27) Is he nourishing and cherishing your sanctification? Is he loving you as his own flesh?

In addition to praying and studying the Scriptures, it would be very helpful to make an appointment with your pastor (not his) for pre-marital counseling. He can lead the two of you to talk through the issue and determine whether or not you can resolve it in a biblical way. Your fiancé’s responses should give you a clearer picture of what to do, and if he refuses pastoral counseling, that should also be an indicator about which direction your relationship should go.

Husbands and wives do not have to agree verbatim – although it’s wonderful if they do – on every teensy tinsy molecule of doctrine or the marriage is doomed. (My husband and I have a few minor theological disagreements, but we’re in agreement about 98% of the time, and certainly on all the most important tenets of doctrine.) But heresy versus sound doctrine is not a teensy tinsy molecule of doctrine. It is a major issue that will harmfully impact your marriage and your children – in more ways than you can now imagine – for the rest of your lives. I would strongly encourage you to put the wedding on hold until this issue is resolved in a biblical way. Your love for and loyalty to Christ must take precedence over your love for and loyalty to any man:

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”
Luke 14:26

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
Matthew 10:34-37

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Should I attend seminary?

November 13, 2017May 24, 2019 Michelle Lesley

For the past few months, I’ve felt a strong desire to attend seminary. After a lot of prayer, Scripture reading, and reaching out to my pastor and trusted, older, Godly friends for counsel, I began the process of applying [to a doctrinally sound seminary].

I’m in my early 30s, have never been married, and have no children. I lead middle school youth girls, women, and children in various classes at church, and work as a part time staff member in my church. I have a strong desire to pursue further education, and to teach and lead women and students. I am incredibly excited at the prospect of going to seminary.

I would like to know your thoughts about how a woman might know for sure she is being called to full-time ministry and what part attending seminary should or could play in that.

Great question, and one I wish more doctrinally sound women were asking!

Some might wonder, “What is the point of a woman getting a seminary degree if she can’t, biblically, become a pastor, elder, or exercise authority over men in the church?”. Because there are tons of other ways women can serve the Body of Christ, maybe in parachurch ministries or missions or as an author, or maybe by simply striving for godly excellence as a Christian woman, wife, mom, or church member.

Learning as much as you possibly can about the Bible, the church, and Christianity is never a waste, even if you don’t go into some sort of formal, paid position of ministry. If you’re a woman with time and resources on your hands, I’d encourage you to consider taking a seminary class or two, or even getting a degree, just for all the valuable things you’ll learn. Some seminaries will allow non-students to audit courses. Others offer degree and certificate programs specifically designed for women, online degree programs, and free online (non-degree) classes. A couple of good ones to check out are Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and Reformed Theological Seminary. The Master’s University, while not a seminary, offers many courses and degree programs which are open to women. (The Master’s Seminary does not admit women as their scope is limited to preparing men for the pastorate.) Ligonier Ministries doesn’t offer a seminary degree program, but does offer many theologically rich online classes.

Whether you opt for a non-credit online course or move into campus housing and pursue a degree, be sure you keep your discernment radar on high alert, even at a doctrinally sound seminary. Believe it or not, even multi-degreed seminary professors can lack discernment or teach unbiblical doctrine. Don’t be intimidated by a string of letters and decades of experience behind someone’s name. If what he’s saying doesn’t match up with rightly handled, in context Scripture, he’s wrong.

Now let’s address a few of the more specific points the reader mentioned:

I think we way over-mysticalize this whole “call to ministry” thing. We think there’s got to be some kind of supernatural “road to Damascus” experience that we can point back to and say, “There! That’s the moment God ‘called’ me into ministry!”. But the Bible doesn’t really talk about a call to ministry in those kinds of terms. Remember, the account of Paul’s (and other Bible characters’) conversion and call experience is descriptive, not prescriptive. The prescriptive passage looks like this:

The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. 1 Timothy 3:1

No mention of God speaking to you or a particular feeling or goose bumps or feeling “a peace about it.” Scripture just says if a man has the desire to be a pastor, that’s a good and noble goal. Just an objective statement of fact. So, by the same underlying principle, if a woman wants to dedicate her life to full time ministry, that’s a good desire.

The next step is to see if you’re biblically qualified to be in full time ministry. Simply wanting to be in ministry does not mean you should be in ministry or that God thinks you’re qualified to be in ministry. A few biblical passages any woman considering seminary or a career in ministry should consider:

📖 1 Timothy 2:11-15 You cannot, without sinning, pursue the office of pastor, elder, associate pastor, or any other position which requires you to teach Scripture to men, or hold authority over men, in the gathered body of Believers. If you’re a woman who’s going to seminary in order to pursue such a position, you are already biblically disqualified from ministry.

📖 Galatians 5:22-23 How’s your fruit looking? If your life generally doesn’t reflect the Fruit of the Spirit, you’re probably not ready for seminary or ministry. (In fact, you might want to examine yourself against Scripture to see if you’re really saved.)

📖 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 These may be qualifications specifically for pastors, elders, and deacons (which are all offices restricted to men) but the underlying principles would extend to anyone in a position of Christian leadership, and nearly all of them apply to Christians in general. Indeed, Paul says in 1 Timothy 3:15 that he is writing these things so that “you may know how one ought to behave in the household of God.”

📖 Genesis 2:18, Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2:3-5, 1 Timothy 3:4-5 If you are married and/or have children, Scripture is clear that it is your primary calling to be a helper to your husband, raise godly children, and manage your household well. Any seminary classes or degrees or ministry positions you pursue may not interfere with or impede your first calling. Additionally, if your husband objects to you attending seminary or pursuing a career in ministry, Scripture mandates that you submit to him and respect his decision.

📖 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 If you’re single with no children, God has given you the precious gift of being able to serve and focus solely on Him, and it may be the perfect time for you to attend seminary or serve Him in full time ministry.

If you have a strong desire to attend seminary or pursue a career in ministry and you meet the biblical qualifications, the next step is exactly what our reader has done: pray about it, search the Scriptures, seek wise counsel, consider and evaluate the ministry you’re already doing in your church (If you don’t already love being a faithful, serving member of a local church, why on earth would you want to go to seminary or into full time ministry?), realize that there are a lot of things about ministry that are difficult and that seminary doesn’t prepare you for, and if you still want to go to seminary or seek out a ministry position, trust God to guide you and go for it.

Yes, it really is that simple. Desiring to dedicate your life to the service of our Lord or to study more about Him in seminary is a good and God-pleasing desire. If you can accomplish those goals within the parameters Scripture has laid out for godly women, why wouldn’t you pursue it?

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Female officiant, JMac attack, Google 101…)

November 6, 2017May 24, 2019 Michelle Lesley

I noticed you’ve written lists of recommended teachers and false teachers. Just curious if you could help in the same way with Contemporary Christian music and artists.

I took a stab at that in my article False Doctrine in Contemporary Christian Music. I will add any CCM artists I stumble across in the future that I think need to be warned against or recommended, but I’m afraid that article is going to be the extent of any “list” of doctrinally sound or unsound Christian musicians. It’s not an issue I research much, and CCM isn’t a music genre I enjoy listening to. I’m really more of a podcast gal. I would, however, highly recommend the Additional Resources I’ve listed at the end of that article as well as the comments section.

I was recently invited to a wedding where the officiant will be a female “pastor”. I’m not close to the bride, but I honestly can’t bear the thought of attending even if we were close. Your thoughts, please?

This is really less of a biblical question than it is an etiquette question. Fortunately for all of us, I have read a lot of Miss Manners in my day :0)

Since you’re not close to her, that makes things a lot easier than if it were a family member or close friend. If the invitation contains an RSVP card, you can just send it back with “regrets” or “will not attend” (or whatever) marked and not say anything else about it.

If it’s a situation like she’s a co-worker you see face to face frequently and she asks point blank if you’re coming, you could say something, like “I’m so sorry, but I have a conflict that prevents me from attending.” It’s not necessary to go into any further detail.

If she’s pushy and presses you about it, you could either say something like, “I’m sorry, it’s personal,” or you could kindly, gently, and briefly get into the actual theology of why a woman shouldn’t be serving in the position of pastor, explain that this conflicts with your beliefs as a Christian, and that you wouldn’t feel comfortable attending. Ask God to give you wisdom as to what is the best approach with this particular person.

Just bear in mind, a social invitation isn’t a subpoena and it’s really nobody’s business why you won’t be attending.

Can a church use Hillsong or Bethel/Jesus Culture music in the worship service as long as the lyrics of the particular songs that are selected don’t conflict with the Bible?

If I were queen of the evangelical world and it were up to me to make a binding law about this, my answer would be no. No church would use any music by any heretical organization or doctrinally unsound musician. I briefly addressed my reasons for this in my article False Doctrine in Contemporary Christian Music:

It’s imperative for churches to be discerning about the CCM they use in worship. If Jane Churchmember hears a CCM song in church and likes it, she’s likely to Google the song (probably right there in church- I’ve done it!), find out who sings it, and begin following that artist. Worship pastors who use CCM have a responsibility to vet the artists who perform the songs they select for the worship service to make sure they’re not sending Jane into the arms of a heretic. Additionally, music costs money, and you don’t want your church’s offerings supporting false doctrine.

I think the principles and Scriptures in this article generally apply to this question as well: Four Reasons Why It Matters Who We Share, Pin, and Re-Tweet

Today on Facebook, I saw a post saying John MacArthur is a false teacher. Can you enlighten me please? After being part of your blog and being more discerning of who I read, I’m bummed. I even purchased the John MacArthur ESV Study Bible on your recommendation and also read the Grace To You blog.

Let me start by saying this: Just because someone (including me) says a certain teacher is a false teacher doesn’t mean you should automatically believe her.

I can assure you that John MacArthur is not a false teacher. In fact, he is one of the finest and most doctrinally sound teachers out there today, and I highly recommend him. But you shouldn’t just blindly take my word for that any more than you should just blindly take the word of the Facebook post you saw that says he is a false teacher. You shouldn’t believe anything in Christianity because a person says so, but because the Bible says so. Every Christian should be discerning about every sermon she listens to, every book she reads, and every pastor or teacher she follows, including the pastor at her own church. We must each practice biblical discernment for ourselves, comparing everything to rightly handled Scripture and discarding anything that doesn’t match up to what the Bible says in context.

I’m not familiar with the Facebook page you mentioned by name in your e-mail, but my guess is that it is a group that incorrectly and unbiblically believes that Reformed theology (or Calvinism) is false doctrine. John MacArthur is a Calvinist, so naturally they believe he is a false teacher. They’re judging his sound doctrine by their own false doctrine. That’s what people who hold to false doctrine do. Extreme anti-Calvinists believe Calvinists are false teachers, New Apostolic Reformationists believe doctrinally sound cessationists are false teachers, Catholics believe that Protestants are false teachers, and so on. It helps to know what kind theology (or false theology) someone is coming from when he labels a person as a false teacher.

I would encourage you to do the biblical work of discernment for yourself. Compare John MacArthur’s materials to Scripture and be convinced by God’s written Word whether or not you should follow him.

Here are a couple of articles I think you will find helpful on this issue:

Clinging to the Golden Calf: 7 Godly Responses When Someone Says You’re Following a False Teacher

Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring it Out on Your Own

You had this Google result that talks about Kelly Minter supporting gay marriage:

I have searched the Internet and your website and I can’t find it. I’m thinking of doing her Bible study on Nehemiah but don’t want to do it if this information is true so I need to see her exact quote myself in order to decide.

This is the first time I’ve received a question like this, but it concerns me that a lack of understanding of how Google works might lead someone to think I’ve said something I haven’t, and if there are others out there who are drawing the same kinds of conclusions as this reader just because they need a little help understanding the mechanics of Google, I’m glad to give a little tutorial.

It looks like you may have Googled something like “Does Kelly Minter support homosexual marriage?” but didn’t click on my article that popped up.

(Here’s the top result I got when I Googled the phrase “Does Kelly Minter support homosexual marriage”.)

When you Google something, Google pulls the key words from your search and that’s what it displays in boldtype in the result. You have to click on the article and read it to get the full picture.

Here is the direct link to my article that contains information about Kelly Minter. My article doesn’t say Kelly Minter supports homosexual marriage, but there is another teacher in the article who does. Your Google result pulled Kelly Minter’s name from the section on her and the “supports homosexual marriage” phrase from the section on Rachel Held Evans.

To my knowledge, Kelly Minter does not support homosexual marriage, however, I would still urge you not to use her materials for the reasons given in the article. Just because someone doesn’t support homosexual marriage doesn’t mean everything else she’s teaching is biblical, and this is certainly the case with Kelly Minter. Her materials would be detrimental to your spiritual growth. I would strongly recommend that you simply pick up the Bible and study it for yourself rather than relying on someone else’s book.

You might find the “Popular False Teachers” tab, “Recommended Bible Teachers” tab, and “Bible Study” tab (all at the very top of this page) helpful.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Help! There’s a pushy lady at my church!

October 30, 2017January 27, 2025 Michelle Lesley

There is a lady in my church who has become very involved in a certain form of parachurch Christian ministry. She is extremely gung ho about it and pressures church members to participate. She has also organized a conference, bringing in speakers from the national level of the ministry. The elders/pastors approved it, but there is some disagreement about bringing in outside speakers, charging attenders so much for tickets, and the fact that it is mainly drawing people from outside our church who are already involved in this ministry, not necessarily discipling our own church members, yet our church members bear the work of the conferences.

We, her friends, have watched her continue to insistently push this ministry agenda. She freely admits to being pushy and asks us to keep her accountable, but she continues to push and becomes frustrated when challenged. I have met with her one on one and discussed this, and she now avoids me. I guess my question is, is it right/OK for me to now keep my distance from her? Is it OK for a woman to push a ministry agenda in the church?

Every once in a while a situation arises at church that leaves you feeling like, “Church is great…except for the people.” I’ve felt that way many times over the years, and I’m certain many people have felt that way about me. Personality conflicts at church can be difficult to deal with, but they’re a great “homework assignment” from God that – if we approach them biblically – can help grow us and the other person in Christlikeness. Let’s take a look at some of the aspects of this reader’s situation.

Doctrinal clarity on the ministry:
I think the first question on the minds of many of those reading this article is going to be, “What kind of parachurch ministry is this?”. Because, if it’s a ministry that centers around false doctrine or is led by false teachers, that’s your answer right there.

I edited out references to the particular ministry the woman is involved in a) to protect my reader’s anonymity and b) because the reader assures me the issue isn’t the ministry itself, it’s the agenda pushing. I’m very familiar with this specific parachurch ministry. It’s doctrinally sound. The situation would be similar to someone getting very involved in pro-life ministry, for example.

Doctrinal clarity on the behavior:
From what the reader has described in her e-mails, the woman’s behavior, while annoying and possibly concerning, does not sound like it has reached the level of actual sin. The parachurch ministry is doctrinally sound, and she thinks it would be beneficial to her church. She has received approval from church leadership. It doesn’t sound like she’s being deceptive in any way or doing anything the Bible clearly prohibits; she’s just very excited about this ministry and wants others to be as excited and on board as she is. That’s not sin, it’s just off-putting to others who aren’t interested. We need to be clear on the biblical fact that just because somebody does something that aggravates us doesn’t necessarily mean it’s sin. And if it’s not sin, it shouldn’t be treated as though it were. (I’m not saying the reader is doing that, just a general concept all of us should be mindful of.)

Church leadership:
If this woman is bringing in conferences, speakers, and other events that utilize the church facility, she’s not doing it without the approval of the pastor and/or someone in leadership. What that means is, as much as other church members may not like it, the buck stops with the pastor/elders, and they have given their approval to the activities thus far. If they are having a problem with this woman being pushy with them, it is their responsibility as pastors and elders to sit down with her and put a stop to that. If the pastor/elders are aware of, and have a problem with ticket prices, church members doing all the work, and the other problems you mentioned, it is their job to address that. I understand your concerns, dear reader, and having dealt with people like this before, I certainly empathize, but if you insert yourself between this woman and the elders – regarding her pushiness with them or issues it’s their responsibility to address – you run the risk of becoming pushy yourself and stepping in where you don’t belong.

If you think the pastor and elders are unaware of pertinent information regarding this situation, talk to your husband about it, and pray together for wisdom as to if and how you, he, or both of you should approach them with the information, remembering that, as a godly wife, you need to respect and defer to your husband’s decision. If the pastor and elders receive the information and continue to approve the parachurch ministry conferences and activities, then your disagreement is with the pastor and elders, not the woman pushing the agenda.

Body parts:
You’ve asked if it’s OK for a woman to push a ministry agenda in the church. No, it’s not. It’s not OK for men to do so either. First Corinthians 12 compares church members to the various parts of the body. While “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,'” neither can the hand say to the eye, ear, nose, foot, mouth, etc., “You have to be a hand, just like me.”

It is absolutely fine to be excited about a ministry or a project at church and to invite and encourage people to participate in it, but crossing the line from inviting and encouraging to pressuring and badgering is not appropriate, biblical, or loving. It puts your brothers and sisters in the awkward position of either having to knuckle under and do something they don’t really want to do in order not to hurt your feelings, or having to say no and run the risk of hurting your feelings. It ends up making the decision to serve in a particular ministry all about you, the pushy person, rather than about whether or not God wants that person in that ministry at this time. And not only should we not be basing our decisions about whether or not to serve on pleasing man rather than on pleasing God, it is unloving and unkind to back a brother or sister into a corner, forcing them into a no-win situation. If you love your brothers and sisters in Christ, you’ll want them to serve because they’re convinced God wants them to serve, not because you want them to serve.

Woman to woman:
As far as your personal relationship with this woman goes, it sounds like you have tried to reach out to her and help her, which is commendable. We all have weaknesses, and it sounds like this lady’s weakness might be lack of self-awareness and social skills. Sometimes, no matter how gently and lovingly we approach someone about a personal issue, she will get defensive or avoidant. Maybe she just needs some time to settle down. People rarely stay at fever pitch about something forever.

Is it OK for you to keep your distance from her? Well, I don’t think you need to proactively pursue spending time with her, but I also don’t think you should avoid any of your normal church activities that would bring you into contact with her. And, of course, you should be kind and loving to her when you see her in passing. If she continues to press you about the ministry whenever she sees you, there’s nothing wrong with politely changing the subject or excusing yourself. And if she wants to know what’s going on, just kindly and lovingly be honest with her. For example: “Jane, I’m so glad you’ve found a ministry you’re excited about and enjoy, but it’s just not my cup of tea. Maybe we could talk about other things when we get together?”

Sanctification:
As I said in the beginning of this article, personality conflicts in the church aren’t easy to deal with, but if we submit to God and His Word in the situation, they can be very sanctifying.

When I have to deal with a Christian I find difficult it helps me to remember a few things. First, this is a sister in Christ, made in the image of God. God knit her together in her mother’s womb, breathed the breath of life into her, and bled and died on a cross for her sins just like He did for me. We are all sinners, and we all have various personality issues that sometimes rub others the wrong way. Second, for every person I run into who bugs me, there are probably a dozen who are bugged by me. I’m not any better than the person I’m dealing with just because I don’t bug people the same way she does. I also try to keep in mind that Jesus had to deal with a lot of difficult people during His earthly ministry. And, while I frequently fail, I do my best to follow His example of how to treat people.

The people we’re in membership with at our local church are our family. Every family has a crazy grandma or a know it all uncle or a cousin who constantly drops the ball. But we don’t just give up on family because they annoy us. Pray – daily and fervently – for those crazy, annoying, frustrating, challenging brothers and sisters at your church. Pray that God will help you love them the way they need to be loved. Consider setting aside some time to just sit and listen to them pour out their hearts. Many people act out simply because they feel invisible, lonely, and unheard. Be patient with them. Be kind. Do something unexpectedly generous and loving for them. Exercise forbearance. Find a way to help. Scripture after Scripture shows us it’s God’s will for us to love the unlovely, just like we want others to love us when we’re unlovely. This is one of the reasons why we’re in the church.