Originally published January 15, 2018
Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question. I also like to take the opportunity in these potpourrri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar can be a helpful tool!
I was wondering what your views were on “ungodly soul ties”, in reference to past relationships? If I was in a previous relationship with someone who I was involved with physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, how would I loose myself from that?
The concept of “soul ties” is not biblical. It is not mentioned or even hinted at in the Bible. Proponents of this heretical doctrine, as you can see in this article, Basic Introduction to Soul Ties,¹ will try to convince you that soul ties are biblical by taking all manner of Bible verses out of context and stretching and twisting them like Silly Putty to try get them to mean what they want them to mean. All you have to do is look up the verses they cite, and read them in context to see that none of these passages say that one person’s soul can be literally bound to another person’s soul.
I find it especially laughable that many of the verses they cite in support of soul ties are the “one flesh” verses, such as Ephesians 5:31 (which is actually a quote of Genesis 2:24). Don’t you think that if God, the creator of language, meant to convey in these verses that two people’s souls were tied together, that He would have said “one soul” instead of “one flesh“? Or that He would have clearly said: “In this type of close relationship, the two people’s souls are bound together.”? This is God we’re talking about, here. He’s perfectly capable of explaining Himself clearly. He knows what words mean, and He never makes a mistake and chooses the wrong word. And yet, time and time again in Scripture, He uses the words “one flesh” to describe the intimacy of marriage and sexuality, and He never, anywhere in Scripture, even suggests that the souls of two people are bound together under any circumstances.
Soul ties is just one more piece of false doctrine usually taught by those in the heretical New Apostolic Reformation camp. (When I Googled “soul ties”, articles by Kris Vallotton {Bethel}, Terri Savelle Foy, and Paula White – all among the worst of the worst of the NAR and prosperity preaching – were on the first page of results. That should tell you something.) There is no way your spirit can be tied or bound to someone else’s spirit.
I’m not sure what you mean by being involved with someone “mentally” and “spiritually”, but I’m assuming you don’t mean that you were in Mensa together or that you had long talks about theology and frequently prayed together. Those might be fond memories that make you wistful, but no mental or spiritual activity you participate in with someone else binds your soul to his or is something you need to be “loosed” from.
What you need to do is read your Bible, understand what it says about sin, and if you sinned in any way in this relationship (for example, sex outside of wedlock, putting your love for this person ahead of your love for the Lord, being influenced by this person to lie, etc.) you need to repent, not “be loosed” (because you’re not bound to this person, and because repentance from sin is the biblical way of thinking about this situation). You may also need to avoid spending time with or talking to this person for a while. And if you’re really having trouble getting over the relationship, you might want to seek counsel from a doctrinally sound pastor (one who understands that soul ties are unbiblical) or an ACBC certified Biblical Counselor.
That’s truly all there is to it. The spirit-realm mumbo jumbo of “soul ties” is a bunch of mystical malarkey. Your spirit isn’t tied to anyone else’s spirit, you’re just sad that the relationship is over, having difficulty moving on with your life, and, perhaps missing the person. And it’s OK if that sounds earthly and pedestrian. Because it is. But if Christ is your Savior, you can trust Him to carry you through it.
Here are some resources you might find helpful:
What does the Bible say about soul ties? at Got Questions
Soul Ties? I at Fighting for the Faith (starts around 34:14)
Soul Ties? II at Fighting for the Faith
¹Just in case it isn’t abundantly obvious, this is a heretical New Apostolic Reformation article/website, and I certainly don’t recommend it.
We recently moved and have been attending a Southern Baptist church. They have not had communion for over two months. Isn’t it the norm to have communion at least once a month?
Also there is no women’s ministry that I can be involved with which is very disappointing to me. I would even be willing to teach/lead a women’s study but since we are new to this church we are still waiting and learning our place. We hesitate to make ourselves known as possibly unsubmissive or question why they do things the way they do.
Why no communion or women’s Bible study? Your thoughts would be enlightening.
These are such great questions because they help me, as a Southern Baptist, think about the way we do things and how those practices might be perceived by visitors or new members.
Communion/Lord’s Supper: Every Southern Baptist church is autonomous, so each church has its own policy or practice about how often the Lord’s Supper is observed. There are probably some SBC churches out there who hold the Lord’s Supper every week and others who hold it only once or twice a year, although I don’t personally know of any who hold it that frequently or infrequently.
In my experience, most Southern Baptist churches observe the Lord’s Supper several times a year, usually on a schedule like the first Sunday of the month, once a quarter, or every “fifth Sunday” (in months that have five Sundays). In addition to these scheduled observances, many churches also observe the Lord’s Supper at their Christmas Eve, Good Friday, or Easter service.
Women’s Ministry: I understand your disappointment in the lack of women’s ministry at the church. I would be somewhat disappointed too. There could be a variety of reasons for this. Maybe they had a women’s ministry that veered off into error or personality conflicts, so the pastor put it on hiatus for a while. Maybe no one stepped up to volunteer to lead it. Or, maybe the pastor wants everyone’s focus to be on the worship service and Sunday School with no distractions. But even if there isn’t a formal women’s ministry, you can still invite women over to your home, go out for coffee or dinner together, or study God’s word and pray together with a few others. I found this 9 Marks article Ministry to Women When There’s No “Women’s Ministry” really helpful.
Asking Questions: I would encourage you and your husband to set up an appointment with the pastor and ask away! It is certainly not unsubmissive to sit in his office and politely say, “We’re new here and we were just wondering about…” Most pastors I know would love for potential members to do this. (In fact at my church, once a month my pastor holds a sort of “orientation”/Q&A class for potential members during the Sunday School hour.) You need to know where he and the church stand on various doctrinal issues and practices so you won’t be unpleasantly surprised after you’re already members. This is especially important if you’re new to being a Southern Baptist as well as being new to the church. If the pastor in any way discourages you from asking genuine, courteous questions or sees your questions as a threat to his authority, that’s a red flag telling you that you should not join this church.
In the past I purchased books and “studies” by authors I now know are false teachers- an embarrassing amount of them really. I am wondering now what do with all of them…I don’t feel I am mature enough in my walk with Christ yet to read any of them and test them against Scripture myself, but I also don’t feel like passing them on to someone else is right either. Just wondering your thoughts on this.
You’re correct, you should not pass on books containing false doctrine to others, donate them to libraries (especially church libraries), Goodwill, or thrift stores, or sell them in a garage sale. The only scenario I can think of in which passing along a book authored by a false teacher would be OK is if it is to someone you know is a mature, doctrinally sound Christian who needs it for research purposes or to write a review of it warning people away from it.
I would also suggest that you not simply throw throw the books in the trash or recycling unless you render them unreadable (ex: scribbling on or tearing up the pages) first. People have been known to take “freebies” out of the trash.
Here are two ways I’ve handled heretical books I’ve been given:
1. Keep them for research purposes. (If you think you might be tempted to read them and you don’t feel like you’re spiritually mature enough to handle that yet, maybe box them up and put them in storage for a later date.) You might want to mark them in some sort of way – in case you lose the book and someone else finds it or something like that – indicating that the book is false doctrine. My friend, Pastor Nate Pickowicz, has an awesome stamp for his “research only” books:
2. Burn them. I know it reeks of Nazism and censorship by wild-eyed preachers of yesteryear, but it’s biblical, it keeps false doctrine out of the hands of others, and these books can actually have a positive use for kindling if you have a fireplace or chiminea. (Please use all fire safety precautions. Also, it is not necessary to burn the books publicly.)
Is it Biblical for a woman to be in charge of the children’s ministry? Especially one who is not doctrinally sound?
It isn’t biblical for anyone who’s unrepentantly and unteachably doctrinally unsound to be in charge of anything in the church.
If it’s a case like Apollos, in which the person in question simply doesn’t know any better, but changes her ways and embraces sound doctrine when corrected, that’s cause for giving glory to God. (Also, she might need more training in the Scriptures before she resumes her position of service.)
But if it’s a case in which the person persists in teaching false doctrine or acting sinfully, that’s cause for church discipline. And if she steadfastly refuses to repent despite biblical rebuke, she needs to be disfellowshipped from membership in the church. Of course, it should go without saying (unfortunately, it doesn’t these days) that people who aren’t church members and/or aren’t saved should not be given any position of service or leadership in the church.
It could be OK for a doctrinally sound woman to be in charge of the children’s ministry, depending what you mean by “in charge”, and depending on whether or not she can do so without violating Scripture:
1. She should not be considered as, or bear the professional title of, “pastor”. It is unbiblical for a woman to be a pastor, and if she’s not a pastor, then bearing the professional title of “pastor” is lying.
2. In her leadership duties, she should not teach adult men (for example, men who teach children’s Sunday School classes, if she oversees children’s Sunday School) the Scriptures or exercise authority over them.
3. The pastor, or an appropriate elder, should vet and approve any curricula and materials, guest speakers, activities, etc., she wishes to use.
If a pastor or elder oversees her leadership so that she is acting under his authority and at his direction, and she is not violating Scripture by preaching to men, teaching men Scripture, or exercising authority over men, I don’t see why it would be a problem for a woman to lead the children’s ministry. In fact, Christian women and churches who handle this properly could be a superb example and model for other Christian women and churches.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Michelle Lesley 