Originally published March 6, 2018
Every now and then I do a little creative writing… :0)
Throwback Thursday ~ Jesus Loves Me: The “Contending for the Faith” Version
Tag: Prosperity Gospel
Throwback Thursday ~ Four Reasons Why It Matters Who We Share, Pin, and Re-Tweet
Originally published May 22, 2014
Scroll…scroll…wince…
Scroll…scroll…wince…
I find myself wincing a bit when I see people –who I know genuinely love Jesus—sharing, pinning, and re-tweeting quotes from false teachers such as Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, T.D. Jakes, and Christine Caine, just to name a few. Why? What’s wrong with the encouraging, even biblical, at times, things these people say?
First of all, let me back up a little. What is a “false teacher”? A false teacher is someone who is billed as a Christian pastor or Bible teacher who habitually and unrepentantly writes, teaches, or preaches things that conflict with the clear teaching of Scripture. For example, all four of the people I listed above teach some version of the prosperity gospel, the false teaching that is most rampant in the Western church today. Additionally, T.D. Jakes adheres to the false doctrine of modalism, and Joyce Meyer and Christine Caine blatantly disobey the Bible’s teaching that women are not to be pastors or instruct men in the Scriptures in the church.
These days, it can be difficult to keep up with who teaches sound doctrine and who does not, especially when pastors and teachers we thought were theologically orthodox seem to be turning apostate at an alarming rate. I myself have been a fan of more than one popular writer/teacher/preacher that I later realized was a false teacher (Joyce Meyer was one of them.) as I delved into what they actually taught and believed and compared it to God’s word. I know first hand that it’s easy to think that these people are good biblical teachers and preachers when what they say sounds good, makes us feel good, and has an occasional Bible verse sprinkled in.
Because I’ve been there myself and know how easy it can be to be drawn in by false teachers, I don’t have any less respect for folks who re-tweet the occasional Osteen-ism of the day. In fact, I have more respect for them, because I know they love the Lord, they’re making an effort to find biblical teaching to listen to, and they have the courage to try to share the gospel with their friends and family via social media. Those are all fantastically good things, and they are to be commended.
But, still, the quotes we share and the people who said them matter. Why?
The quotes we share and the people who said them matter. Here are four reasons why…
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1.
Lost people’s eternities are at stake.
Seriously? From hitting the “share” button on a false teacher’s status? Seriously. I don’t think that’s overstating the gravity of the matter. There’s no way to take the possibility of an eternity in hell too seriously.
Think about it: You have an unsaved Facebook friend. She’s getting to the point in her life where she figures it’s time to get her stuff together, so she starts looking into this whole Jesus thing. Where to start? She’s never even set foot inside a church. Aha! She remembers you’re a Christian. Maybe you’ll have a good lead for her. As she’s thinking about all this, you share Joyce Meyer’s status, and it appears in your friend’s news feed. “Ah,” your friend thinks, “this must be a good Bible teacher if my Christian friend follows her.” So she “likes” Joyce Meyer’s Facebook page and follows her on Twitter. Then she starts watching her on TV. Buys some of her books. Maybe attends one of her conferences. Because your friend has zero knowledge of the Bible, she believes everything Joyce Meyer says. It sounds good. It makes her feel good. She’s hearing a few out of context Bible verses here and there. But the problem is that Joyce Meyer doesn’t teach the Jesus of the Bible. She teaches a false god of her own creation. And if your friend doesn’t put her faith in the true Jesus of the Bible, she’s just as lost as she was before. Only now she thinks she’s a Christian. And you can’t convince her otherwise.
Sound far fetched? Maybe. Maybe not. But if there’s even the slightest chance something like that could happen, is it really worth justifying that status share? Furthermore, is it worth even following a teacher who could lead someone you love to an eternity in hell?
2.
It gives false teachers free publicity and a broader platform.
One thing I was very surprised to learn when I first began the process of having my book published1 is that publishers want non-fiction writers to have a built in audience, or “platform,” before they will publish your book. That means you’re already doing speaking engagements and/or have a decent sized ministry, have lots of followers on social media, etc. As I once explained to someone, “You don’t get your book published and then become [celebrity Bible teacher] you have to be [celebrity Bible teacher] in order to get published.”
Social media stats are a big factor in a celebrity preacher’s/teacher’s platform. If T.D. Jakes suddenly lost the majority of his social media followers, you can bet the TV stations he’s on and the conferences he gets invited to would be taking a serious look at whether or not they’d continue to affiliate with him, because it would indicate that his audience is shrinking.
Conversely, when we re-pin, re-post, or re-tweet these folks, their social media stats go up. They not only get a broader platform on social media from which to spread their unbiblical teaching, they continue to get more book, radio, TV, and other media deals, get invited to speak at more conferences, and even start exporting their false teaching overseas (“missions”) to people who have never heard the gospel before and have no way of knowing they’re being lied to.
When we promote false teachers on social media, we bear some of the responsibility for the spread of their false doctrine.
If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house or give him any greeting, for whoever greets him takes part in his wicked works.
2 John 10-11
When we promote false teachers on social media, we bear some of the responsibility for the spread of their false doctrine.
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3.
It is disobedient to Scripture.
Often, when a Christian is told she’s following a false teacher, the common response is, “Oh, I just chew up the meat and spit out the bones,” meaning that she takes to heart the “good” things the false teacher has to say and ignores the bad.
The question is: where does the Bible say this is the correct way to deal with false teachers? Answer: it doesn’t. In fact Scripture says exactly the opposite.
For starters, Galatians 1:6-9 says that if anyone preaches a different gospel (such as the prosperity gospel) from the one that’s set down in Scripture, “let him be accursed.” “Accursed” means “damned,” sentenced to hell for eternity.
1 Timothy 4:7 and Titus 3:10 say that we are to have nothing to do with people who teach “irreverent or silly myths” or cause division by teaching false doctrine.
2 Corinthians 6:14-16 tells us not to be joined together or partner with unbelievers, lawlessness, darkness, Belial (the devil), or idols.
1 Corinthians 5:7-13 tells us that when a person infiltrates the church who claims to be a Christian, yet is greedy, an idolater, or a swindler— all of which are things that prosperity preachers are guilty of— we are to “cleanse out the old leaven.” We are “not to associate” with them. We are to “purge the evil person from among you.”
Titus 1:10-16 says of false teachers, “They must be silenced,” because they teach “for shameful gain what they ought not to teach.” Paul instructs Titus to “rebuke them sharply,” and that, “they profess to know God, but they deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work.”
The entire second chapter of 2 Peter paints a dismal picture of the motives, the behavior, and the fate of false teachers:
“Because of them, the way of truth will be blasphemed.”
“In their greed they will exploit you with false words.”
They will “be destroyed in their destruction, suffering wrong as the wage for their wrongdoing.”
“They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, while they feast with you.”
“They entice unsteady souls.”
“For them the gloom of utter darkness has been reserved.”
“They promise them [people who listen to their false teaching] freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption.”
The entire epistle of Jude is dedicated to exhorting Christians to “contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints.” Of false teachers, Jude says:
“Certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ…Woe to them!”
There’s more, because a large portion of the New Testament is dedicated to exhorting Christians to stay away from false doctrine and rebuke those who teach it, but I think you get the picture. Is it obedient to Christ and to His word to follow and promote someone He says is damnable? People who teach another gospel, such as the prosperity gospel, are the enemies of Christ. Who are we going to side with, Christ or His enemies?
People who teach another gospel, such as the prosperity gospel, are the enemies of Christ. Who are we going to side with, Christ or His enemies?
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4.
It is unloving and disloyal to our Master.
Think about the person you love the most in this world. Maybe it’s your spouse, your child, a parent, or a friend. Next, think about your favorite celebrity, perhaps a movie star, a TV personality, or a famous author or athlete. Now try to imagine that that celebrity, in interviews with journalists, on talk shows he appears on, at personal appearances and speaking engagements, in books he writes, etc., routinely tells lies about the character of your dearest loved one. And thousands, maybe millions, of people believe him.
Would you continue to be a fan of that celebrity?
What if your loved one found out you were a fan of that celebrity? How would she feel to know you were a fan of someone who spreads lies about her?
If we wouldn’t follow someone who lies about a loved one, how much less should we as Christians have anything to do with a celebrity preacher, teacher, or author who drags the name of our precious Savior through the mud and lies about the gospel?
How can we as Christians have anything to do with a celebrity preacher, teacher, or author who drags the name of our precious Savior through the mud and lies about the gospel?
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Friends, for all of these reasons and more, let’s stop promoting these false teachers on social media by publicizing their quotes and other materials. Looking for an encouraging quote to share? There’s nothing better than a verse of Scripture. Because Scripture can offer people something that false teachers can’t: truth and hope. As Jesus Himself said,
“Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.” John 17:17
¹My book, Jacob, Journaling the Journey is no longer in print, and that’s a good thing! I wrote it before learning good hermeneutics and how to handle God’s Word properly. You can probably still find copies of it at online merchants, but I would not recommend that you buy or use it. If you want a good Bible study, the best thing is to simply pick up the Bible and study it for yourself. Right now, I have no plans to rewrite Jacob for future re-release.
The Mailbag: My fiance and I don’t agree on theology
Originally published November 27, 2017
After struggling to find a solid local church, I finally found one that’s gospel-centered. I have been fellowshipping there for close to 6 months now and am planning to pursue membership soon. My fiancé is a godly man, but he lives in another town, so he fellowships and serves in a church which he knows has some unbiblical doctrinal issues I won’t compromise on. After our wedding, we plan to live in the town he currently resides in. There are no Bible believing churches around (all are prosperity gospel churches). I am confused because I am not ready to listen to unsound teaching and later bring up my children in a community I don’t agree with theologically.
That’s such a difficult dilemma to be caught in, and I certainly do sympathize. An engagement period should be a joyful time of planning your wedding and your subsequent life together, not agonizing over major disagreements.
That said, it is good that you recognized this problem before the wedding rather than after, and I would strongly encourage you not to move ahead with the marriage unless and until the two of you have come to a biblical agreement on the matter.
Marriage can be challenging even when you agree on all the important stuff. But when you staunchly disagree on what should be the most important issue in your marriage – Christ, His Word, and His church – it can be devastating. Even if you think you are spiritually mature enough to work through the issue and remain committed to your vows, your husband might not be, and could decide he’d rather give up on the marriage than continue to struggle.
There are a couple of Scripture passages I’d encourage you to take a look at as you continue to work through this dilemma:
2 Corinthians 6:14-18: Though verse 14 of this passage clearly says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers,” (You said your fiancé was a godly man, so I’m assuming he’s a Believer.) and though the context of this passage is more broadly about the church yoking with unbelievers than it is about marriage, there are still some important applications to your situation.
Get a good picture in your mind of two oxen being yoked together to pull a plow or wagon, because that’s the image the Holy Spirit is giving us in this passage. Even if you’re both oxen (i.e. both Believers) what’s going to happen if you’re pulling one direction and your husband is pulling the other direction? Or if you’re pulling one direction and he digs his hooves in and refuses to budge? To plow rightly, you’ve got to be pulling in the same direction together. What would happen if you yoked a full grown ox with a small calf? Even if you’re pulling the same direction, that yoke is going to rub one or both of you raw, cause blisters, etc. Prayerfully think about the words “yoked,” “partnership,” “fellowship,” “accord,” “share,” and “agreement” in this passage in light of the spiritual differences between you and your fiancé.
Ephesians 5:22-33: Examine what this passage calls you to in your role as a wife: Submit to your husband. Respect your husband. Already you have an issue because when it comes to your husband requiring you to do something ungodly (such as attend and raise your children in a heretical “church”) you, as a Believer, must “obey God rather than men.”
Now examine the role this passage calls your husband to. Is he giving himself up for you as Christ did for the church in order to make sure you grow and flourish in sound doctrine in your relationship with the Lord? (v. 25-27) Is he nourishing and cherishing your sanctification? Is he loving you as his own flesh?
In addition to praying and studying the Scriptures, it would be very helpful to make an appointment with your pastor (not his) for pre-marital counseling. He can lead the two of you to talk through the issue and determine whether or not you can resolve it in a biblical way. Your fiancé’s responses should give you a clearer picture of what to do, and if he refuses pastoral counseling, that should also be an indicator about which direction your relationship should go.
Husbands and wives do not have to agree verbatim – although it’s wonderful if they do – on every teensy tinsy molecule of doctrine or the marriage is doomed. (My husband and I have a few minor theological disagreements, but we’re in agreement about 98% of the time, and certainly on all the most important tenets of doctrine.) But heresy versus sound doctrine is not a teensy tinsy molecule of doctrine. It is a major issue that will harmfully impact your marriage and your children – in more ways than you can now imagine – for the rest of your lives. I would strongly encourage you to put the wedding on hold until this issue is resolved in a biblical way. Your love for and loyalty to Christ must take precedence over your love for and loyalty to any man:
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”
Luke 14:26
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
Matthew 10:34-37
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
The Mailbag: Potpourri (What is Word of Faith?… Readers’ help needed… Foreign language resources… How to find a wife… Fundraisers… Should I get re-baptized?)
Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.
I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
Do you have an article somewhere on this site about the deceptiveness of the word of faith movement? I tried using the search bar to find it but didn’t come up with anything. I have family members deeply rooted in this and have my own conflicting views on it and would love a nice breakdown of why you are so against it. Thank you so much for your blog and for your time.
You know, I never did write an article specifically on the Word of Faith movement, and I really should have. All I can say is that at the point in time several years ago when I was thinking about writing one, it was looking rather like the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR) was going to swallow up the Word of Faith movement all together, so that’s where I concentrated my efforts.
To some extent, that “swallowing up” has happened, but we do still see some “churches” that are still mostly “pure” Word of Faith. In my opinion, Joel Osteen’s Lakewood is one good example of that. He’s still all about the health, wealth, and prosperity, but has never really gotten into the crazy antics of the NAR like faith healing, raising the dead, prophesying, holy laughter, being slain in the spirit, the apostolic structure and hierarchy of the NAR, and things of that nature.
The reason “I’m against” (and every genuinely regenerated Christian should be) both WoF and NAR is because they’re both literal heresy. They’re both the “different gospel” Galatians 1:6-9 anathematizes.
- Neither of them worships the God of the Bible, but an idol they’ve created to appease the lusts of their flesh. They’ve simply stolen the names “God,” “Jesus,” “Holy Spirit,” etc., from the Bible and plastered them on these false gods they’ve created to do their bidding.
- The “salvation” they promise is not salvation from sin unto obedience to Christ, but “salvation” from poverty, problems, illness, lack of success, and so on.
- They don’t teach that we need to come to Jesus in repentance and faith because we’re sinners in need of a Savior, but rather that their “Jesus” can make all our problems disappear and all our dreams come true, very much like the crowds who followed Jesus just to see a miracle, get healed, get fed, or because they thought He was going to overthrow Rome and lift their oppression.
And there’s so much more. Let me give you some resources I hope will help:
The Mailbag: Should I Say, or Should I Go?
The Mailbag: What is the New Apostolic Reformation?
The Mailbag: Should Christians listen to “Reckless Love”?
God’s Not Like “Whatever, Dude,” About The Way He’s Approached in Worship
Is the Word of Faith movement biblical? at GotQuestions
White Paper: Word of Faith at Berean Research
Blessed: A History of the American Prosperity Gospel by Kate Bowler (You may want to check your local public library for this one to save a little money. It was available at mine.)
Defining Deception, God, Greed, and the (Prosperity) Gospel, and More than a Healer by Costi Hinn
Our church ladies are searching for a presentation of Christ’s redemptive work from Genesis to Revelation. Supposedly it’s out there but no one can recall who authored it and/or put the study together…
I suspect John MacArthur and/or R.C. Sproul have some sort of teaching, book, etc., on this, but at the moment it’s not ringing a bell for me.
Readers, it sounds like they’re looking for something in particular rather than suggestions. Does this sound familiar to anybody? Comment below (not on social media), and I’ll alert the lady who sent in the question to keep an eye on the comments section.
I have a friend who speaks very little English and she wants to know more about the Bible and I would like to recommend a solid teacher who speaks Portuguese or has an interpreter as she really needs to grow in the Word of God.
I don’t personally know of any well known pastors or teachers who speak Portuguese, but many have had their materials translated into Portuguese. Here are a few to get you started:
John MacArthur’s books and materials (Just type “Portuguese” into the search bar)
Ligonier’s books and materials
I also found a number of sermons on YouTube that have either been captioned, dubbed, or translated into Portuguese. (For example: Paul Washer, John MacArthur)
Here’s what I would suggest. Go up to the blue menu bar at the top of this page and click on Recommended Bible Teachers. Scroll down to the men, gather up some names, and start typing them into both Google and YouTube followed by the word “Portuguese” (ex: “John MacArthur Portuguese”). Also try it without the last “e” as “Português” is the Portuguese word for “Portuguese” (like Español is the Spanish word for “Spanish”). I don’t think any of the women on that list have had anything translated into Porguguese with the possible exceptions of Martha Peace and Susan Heck.
Hi—do you have any recommendations for pastors who put out content in Spanish? My boyfriend cannot benefit from the teachings of any of the wonderful Biblically-sound pastors that you recommend, because he doesn’t speak English!
Try the websites and suggestions above, substituting “Spanish / Español” for “Portuguese / Português”. I think you’ll find some good resources.
Also—do you know of sound churches in Tijuana?
I don’t personally know of any, but I would encourage you to exhaust all of the church search engines at the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.
What advice for a Christian who is looking for a female to marry. [This Instagram “Christian” dating page] follows one of the Bethel Churches, and I’m skeptical on attending [their dating event].
I would guess that most “Christian” dating sites are a lot like most “Christian” book stores: lots of anything and everything that calls itself “Christian” (regardless of whether or not it’s biblical) and a tiny handful of actual Christian.
I’ve been married almost 30 years, so this is not really my wheelhouse. The best advice I can give you is to join a doctrinally sound church if you’re not already a member of one. The first and most important reason for this is that Scripture commands it, and if you’re a Christian, you’re to obey God’s Word. (If you need some help in your search, click here.)
But a side effect of being a faithful, invested member of a doctrinally sound local church is that, as you’re growing into a more godly man, the single women of your church are growing into godly women with the same beliefs and theology as yours, which is vital to a healthy, Christ-centered marriage.
If your church is short on single women, set up an appointment with your pastor and talk things over with him. I would also suggest talking with a few of the spiritually mature older women in your church, letting them know you’re looking for a godly woman to marry so they can be on the lookout, but it would be a good idea to bounce this off your pastor first.
I absolutely love your page and the wisdom you share! Would you please share the link to my fundraiser on your social media?
I am so sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable sharing fundraisers of people I don’t know or have any sort of relationship with. There are soooooo many online scammers out there, and there’s really no way for me to vet you and your fundraiser and find out if you’re legit. My followers trust me, and I don’t want to pass along something that might turn out to be a scam.
I did not grow up in the church, let along hearing God’s word, and it wasn’t until I got married that I started going to church and reading my Bible. My husband was Lutheran, so I went through confirmation class and then was baptized by sprinkling. It never occurred to me what baptism really meant and it’s definition until we became reformed Baptist. I have been studying and learning about baptism more lately and it has been convicting me to be baptized; again. I feel that my understanding of the outward expression of what baptism is definitely has changed. I truly believe that baptism should be full immersion; symbolizing the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus, and myself dying with Jesus and being born again in Jesus. So should I be baptized by full immersion, with the new understanding of what it is, or is my first baptism just as good? My pastor told me that because I was not fully immersed that technically I should not be taking communion because he said both go hand-in-hand. I don’t want to do something wrong by being baptized again but I also don’t want to do something wrong by not being baptized by full immersion. My conviction has been on my heart for a while now to be baptized again but I want to make sure that it’s the Holy Spirit convicting me and not just my heart telling me to do something.
I think your pastor is right, and you should trust him. If you’re unclear about the reasons he has given you for being re-baptized, ask him to explain again.
Please accept this in the spirit of love and concern in which I offer it – I hope you will give this some thought: Why would you trust the counsel of a stranger on the internet over your pastor’s counsel? If you don’t trust him and/or you disagree with the theology he’s teaching you, why are you still a member of that church? Just something to think about.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
The Mailbag: Potpourri (Prosperity gospel, Friendship, Christian colleges, Calvary Chapel, Non-denoms, “Unspoken”)
Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.
I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
What is the prosperity gospel? Thanks!
It’s a theological framework that sounds Christian-ish, but it’s really not. There are a lot of unbiblical tenets of the prosperity gospel (more formally called Word of Faith heresy, less formally called “name it and claim it / blab it and grab it”) but the two you’re most likely to be familiar with are:
- “It’s never God’s will for you to be sick, poor, or unsuccessful. If you are, that’s your fault for not having enough faith. If you just have enough faith, God is obligated to give you whatever you ask him for.”
- From televangelists: “‘Sow a seed’ (i.e. “send me money”) into my ministry and God will bless you. The more you send, the more material stuff God will bless you with.”
Most “churches” and evangelical celebrities that espouse the prosperity gospel these days are also into New Apostolic Reformation (NAR) heresy. The easiest way to explain the NAR is that it takes the prosperity gospel and adds on weird (and unbiblical) “signs and wonders” such as faith healing, supernatural visions, “trips to heaven,” false prophecy and so on. Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer are examples of prosperity gospel heretics who are not also NAR. Bethel “Church” and Todd White are examples of combined prosperity gospel and NAR heresy.
Here are some resources you may find helpful:
What does the Bible say about the prosperity gospel? at Got Questions
God, Greed, and the (Prosperity) Gospel by Costi Hinn
The Mailbag: What is the New Apostolic Reformation?
I have a question regarding friendship. I have a friend/co-worker who is unrepentantly continuing a sinful behavior. I have tried to lovingly several times to point her back to Jesus as she is Christian. Her behavior happens to be quite triggering for me and my husband isn’t a particular fan of her as well. My question is, am I wrong for not wanting to continue the friendship? And if not, how do I do this in a loving, Christ-like way since we work together?
Wow, usually when you confront someone in her sin, the question of whether or not to remain friends takes care of itself, because the confront-ee isn’t too fond of the confront-or any longer. You must have found a wonderfully loving and gentle way to talk to her – great job!
The first thing we would need to clear up is what you mean by “friend”. To me, a friend is someone you choose to spend time with socially because you enjoy that person’s company. You have lunch together, go to the movies together, visit each others’ homes, etc. That’s not the same as being friendly with people you have no choice about being around. You’re probably friendly with your next door neighbor, your co-workers, and the people at your church, but you don’t make any effort to spend time socially with most of those people outside of those particular venues. (For more clarity, you might enjoy reading my article How Can We Be Friends? in which I discuss different levels of friendship.)
There’s nothing in the Bible that says you have to be friends with any specific person. In fact, the Bible speaks more about not developing or maintaining close relationships with people who are ungodly influences. (Here are just a few that came to mind.) But the Bible does instruct us to be kind and loving to those we come in contact with. In other words – going back to the difference between being friends and being friendly – you do not have to be friends with this person, but you do have to be friendly (kind and loving) toward her when you run into her at work.
If you are friends, which of you normally initiates your get-togethers? If it’s you, or if it’s about 50-50, you can gradually back off of inviting her to spend time time together, get busier with other plans (actual plans – don’t lie), and so on, and the friendship may dissolve organically.
If it’s her, or if you just want to be more direct, you can sit her down and kindly and gently explain that, while you enjoy your friendly working relationship with her, you won’t be able to spend time with her outside of work any more. Then explain the biblical reason why (spending time with her tempts you to sin, your husband doesn’t approve of the friendship and you need to respect his wishes, 1 Corinthians 5:11‘s admonition not to associate with professing Christians who persist in sin, etc.). If she’s actually a Christian, she ought to understand, and hopefully, losing a friend will provide her with additional incentive to repent.
My daughter will be heading to college next year. Do you have any Christian college recommendations? She visited one today and the Baptist church on campus that they use for their chapel has a woman pastor. The school also has a LGBT group for alumni, students and faculty. So sad. She is spiritually tired from high school and looking for an uplifting school that values both education and true spiritually.
I wish I had better news for you, but I think you’re going to find problems like that, as well as false doctrine being taught and promoted inside and outside the classroom, at the majority of Christian colleges you consider.
The only Christian college I’m familiar with that I would be comfortable recommending is The Master’s University (TMU is separate from The Master’s Seminary. TMU is a regular Christian college that admits both men and women. TMS is solely focused on preparing men for the pastorate and does not admit women.)
Readers, you’re welcome to make other recommendations in the comments. I would just urge anyone considering those recommendations to carefully vet any college that is mentioned.
I really want to know what is wrong with Calvary Chapel doctrines?
I think the only place on the blog I’ve mentioned anything about Calvary Chapel is on my Reader Recommended Churches resource. And on that page, the only thing I’ve mentioned is that I don’t accept recommendations for Calvary Chapel churches (among others) for doctrinal reasons.
There are two doctrinal reasons I’ve chosen not to add Calvary Chapel churches to the list:
- The Calvary Chapel statement of faith clearly states that its churches believe and practice continuationism, and I don’t list continuationist churches. While I don’t believe otherwise doctrinally sound continuationist churches and Christians are heretics or false teachers, I also don’t believe this view is a correct handling of Scripture. Additionally, in my experience, continuationist churches are far more likely to fall into other doctrinal error and yoke with false teachers than cessationist churches are (not that cessationism guarantees a perfect church).
- Several years ago, there was a split in the Calvary Chapel denomination. I don’t remember all the details, I just recall that the churches on one side of the disagreement went in a doctrinally unsound direction, and the churches on the other side maintained biblical fidelity, but both sides kept the name Calvary Chapel. Since I vet every church that’s submitted for inclusion on the list, it would be extraordinarily difficult and time consuming to try to find out which side of the split a particular Calvary Chapel church ended up on.
Is a non-denominational church any good?
There are good non-denominational churches and bad non-denominational churches just like there are good denominational churches and bad denominational churches. It really depends on the individual church and their practices and teachings.
It’s important to carefully vet any churches you’re considering joining on an individual basis. Need a little help? Check out the “What to look for in a church” section of the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.
Are unspoken prayer requests supported biblically? I Googled it and many sites said no. Even though I need prayers from my Sunday school class I always pass because I don’t want to say why and I don’t know if unspoken prayer requests are biblical.
For any readers who are new to Christian-ese, an unspoken prayer request is when a Christian is asking others to pray for her, but doesn’t want to disclose the details due to sensitive information, embarrassment, privacy, etc., so she just says, “I have an unspoken prayer request,” or “Unspoken.”
While I really can’t think of anything in Scripture that prohibits or even discourages this, I would personally encourage anyone asking for prayer to at least give the people she’s asking some sort of direction. You don’t have to (and in many cases, shouldn’t) give private details, but you could say something like: I can’t give all the details, but please pray for me about: a problem I’m having at work, or a situation with a friend, or a difficult decision I have to make, or a sin I’m struggling against, or I have a challenging week coming up.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Michelle Lesley 