I had an awesome time, recently, chatting with Kevin, Scott, and James from the Theology. Driven. podcast. What an honor to be their first ever female guest! We covered a variety of topics: what to do if your church is hosting a Beth Moore study, my background in writing and teaching ministry, the Southern Baptist Convention’s slouching toward egalitarianism, studying the Bible without using Bible study books…and more!

Theology. Driven. is also offering a special giveaway in connection with my episode. If you tweet a link to the episode (or re-tweet a post about the episode such as this one) and include the hashtag #MichelleTheologyDriven, you’ll be entered into the drawing. Listen all the way to the end of the episode to find out all the details.

Give this episode a listen, and share it around! You can subscribe to Theology. Driven. on iTunes, Google Play, Overcast, and Podbean, or just listen online at the Theology. Driven. website (episode 27). And don’t forget to follow Theology. Driven. on Facebook and Twitter!

Resources mentioned on the podcast:

How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?

Five Reasons It’s Time to Start Exercising “Moore” Discernment

(Information on the theological problems with Beth Moore. For information on others, please see the “Popular False Teachers” tab at the top of this page.)

Is the SBC’s Tent Big Enough for ALL Marginalized Christian Women?

Speaking Engagement Information

Got a podcast of your own or have a podcasting friend who needs a guest? Need a speaker for a women’s conference or church event? Click the “Speaking Engagements” tab at the top of this page, drop me an e-mail, and let’s chat!

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Michelle’s a money-grubber, Still small voice, Husband of one wife…)

July 16, 2018May 24, 2019 Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question. I also like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar can be a helpful tool!

Michelle, you’ve mentioned that your husband is previously divorced and also that he is a minister of music. How can this be? Isn’t he disobeying Scripture’s instruction that a pastor is to be “the husband of one wife“? Don’t you believe the Bible? Do you follow it? If so how do you justify your husband’s role in the church when compared to 1 Timothy 3?

Yes, of course, I believe and follow the Bible. I believe and follow the rightly handled, in context, written Word of God, not popular misunderstandings of certain passages.

(And by the way, asking a fellow Believer a question like “Don’t you believe/follow the Bible?” in an accusatory way is rude and inflammatory. Furthermore, while I am happy to answer polite questions, it is not incumbent upon me to “justify” myself or my husband to whatever stranger might have the temerity to demand that I do so.

Rudeness and ugliness from people who call themselves Christians seems to have hit epidemic proportions. I’m going to be addressing it more frequently. Let’s play nice, folks.)

I have previously written about the “husband of one wife” clause in the 1 Timothy 3/Titus 1 qualifications for elders in my Mailbag article “Can a divorced man be a pastor?”

For a number of reasons, it would be inappropriate for me to go into the details of my husband’s divorce in a public forum like this, but you may rest assured that we have not been living in sin for the past 25 years, and that we have been up front about his divorce with the search committee of every church he has ever interviewed with. There are some churches who have a policy of refusing to consider for ministry positions anyone who has ever been divorced. Though we personally disagree with those types of policies (based on the biblical reasons in the article cited above), we certainly respect each church’s right to set its own hiring policies and have been grateful to the churches that have disclosed their policies from the outset.

I recently discovered your blog and am enjoying looking around and reading your posts. I do wonder at your use of your blog for promoting your own gain, your option to donate, and the near complete aligning of one’s salvation with the allegiance to a physical church organization. I wonder if you can share Bible verses that support both of those things?

“Promoting my own gain”? I think you might need to look around and read some more. All of my blog content is available for free, including the Bible studies I write and allow individuals and churches to print out and use free of charge. I don’t keep any content behind a paywall (such as Patreon) or charge any sort of subscription fee. I don’t sell any books, materials, or other merchandise. I don’t receive any remuneration from the ads that appear on my blog. My blog isn’t sponsored by any organizations. And, I don’t receive any sort of salary for writing this blog. How is that “promoting my own gain”?

There are only two instances in which I receive money for anything in connection with this ministry:

1. When kind and generous readers take it upon themselves to send me a gift through my Financial Support page (I rarely mention this giving option, and I have never asked readers to send me money.). Few do, though I deeply appreciate the blessing those folks have been to my family. Most of the gifts I receive go toward paying household bills. (And when I say “bills” I mean electricity, water, rent, etc. I don’t have an extravagant wardrobe, a fancy car, or take luxury vacations.)

2. When I do a speaking engagement. If I could afford to do these events for free, I would. I can’t. As you no doubt read at the Financial Support tab “my family lives frugally on one modest income.” We can rarely afford to go out to eat, never mind afford for me to drive or fly hundreds of miles from home, spend several days away from taking care of my family, and pay for food and lodging once I get there. Additionally, it takes dozens of hours to properly prepare speaking engagement material, and it is work. I usually don’t do more than a few of these a year, and, so far, I haven’t spoken at any huge churches that can afford to pay me thousands of dollars. This money also usually goes towards bills.

It is absolutely Scripturally appropriate for me or any other Christian to receive financial gifts or compensation in these two instances. (Click on the words in red for related Scriptures.)

The first situation is the giving of a gift. The money I receive from time to time is not expected, asked for, owed, or required. Jesus received monetary gifts. The early church gave financial gifts to Christians in need. The Philippians sent Paul gifts more than once. The Corinthian and Galatian Believers sent financial gifts to the church in Jerusalem. You give people gifts. I give people gifts. Christians give each other gifts.

The second situation is a) payment for work, and b) support of ministry. Jesus didn’t have a secular job. He received financial support of His earthly ministry. First Corinthians 9 and 1 Timothy 5:17-18 are abundantly clear that “those who proclaim the gospel should get their living by the gospel.” Proverbs 31 speaks of the wife and mother who crafts various things and sells them to bring in extra money for her household. My craft is writing and speaking. This is how I help bring in extra money for my household. These Scriptures are also why it would be completely fine for me to sell books, utilize Patreon, charge subscription fees, receive money from ads and sponsorships and any of the other things I mentioned in the first paragraph, just as it is fine for most other Christian bloggers and ministries who do.

Another excellent resource on this topic is Daniel Darling’s article No, All Christian Content Shouldn’t Be Free.

As to “the near complete aligning of one’s salvation with the allegiance to a physical church organization”, first of all, I’m not entirely clear on what you mean by that, but the New Testament couldn’t be plainer that Christians are to be joined to a local church and that one of the first signs that someone isn’t a Christian is when she leaves or refuses to be part of the church. I’ve covered this thoroughly, including the relevant Scriptures, in my article Basic Training: 7 Reasons Church is Not Optional and Non-Negotiable for Christians.

Our church’s women’s Bible study is using Priscilla Shirer’s content (The Armor of God). I looked at your blog, but didn’t find too many quotes from Shirer that I could use to draw an appropriate conclusion.

Occasionally I will get this question from readers: “I know you’ve written an article saying that _____ is a false teacher, but what about [this particular book she wrote]? Is it OK for me/our church to study?”

It seems like your question might be along those lines. I’ve answered it in this Mailbag article.

Priscilla Shirer is a false teacher (see my article Going Beyond Scripture: Why It’s Time to Say Good-Bye to Priscilla Shirer and Going Beyond Ministries). The way Scripture instructs us to deal with false teachers is to avoid the person entirely, which would include all of her materials, merchandise, etc. This is not only the biblical way to do things, it is much less time-consuming than sifting through quotes from her books to find out if any of them might be passable for use in your church.

If your church is using Priscilla Shirer materials, you may also find my article How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing? to be helpful.

I recently posted on Facebook about how Christians are easily fooled by the false teaching that God speaks to certain people. Someone commented, “Don’t discount the still small voice of the Holy Spirit who calls, guides, instructs, comforts.”. I have searched the Bible and I haven’t found any verses confirming or refuting this statement. Can you shed some light on that thought? Is it in line with Scripture or is it more false verbiage that has encroached on the church?

I think the person who commented proved the point of your Facebook post. Is it “in line with Scripture”? “More false verbiage”? Yes and no.

Usually, when I see the phrase “the still, small voice” of the Holy Spirit, if the person using the phrase even knows she’s alluding to Scripture (many are just parroting what they think is a catch-phrase from pop-evangelicalism), it is based on a misunderstanding, or deliberate twisting, of 1 Kings 19:12:

And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. 13 And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.
1 Kings 19:11-13

This is God talking to Elijah. (The King James Version translates the blue phrase in verse 12 as “a still, small voice”). It was normal for God to talk to Elijah. He was an Old Testament prophet.

You’ll notice that this is a descriptive passage, not a prescriptive passage (more on that here). That means it’s simply a passage telling us what happened with Elijah at that moment. This passage doesn’t promise, imply, or even hint that God will speak to you, me, or anybody else in the same way. It’s just a report of what happened.

(Just an aside, but isn’t it interesting that people take descriptive passages like this and assume that God will speak to them the same way He spoke to Elijah, but no one ever reads about God turning Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt, God sending a whale to swallow a disobedient Jonah, or God causing the ground to open up and swallow the rebellious Korah, Dathan, and Abiram, and assumes God will do the same to them? No, we only want the good stuff!)

God does not speak this way to people any more. He speaks to us through His written Word. And who is the author of Scripture, God’s written Word? Second Timothy 3:16 tells us it is the Holy Spirit. So if you want the Holy Spirit to “speak to you in a still small voice,” read your Bible. I’ve covered this topic in greater detail in my article Basic Training: The Bible Is Sufficient. You may also find this resource from John MacArthur to be helpful: Does God give us personal direction through a still small voice?

I just wanted to drop you a quick note and tell you how much I am enjoying your study of Mark. I have been praying a lot about exactly HOW to study the Bible on my own. I love MacArthur’s method of reading the OT in a year and a book of the NT each month, but when I’d sit down to read great portions of Scripture, I didn’t have a solid grasp of what I’d just read. This month I knew it was time to start in another gospel and I decided to use your Bible study to help. Your method and questions are just right! Turns out, it’s better for me to slow down and really dig into a smaller number of verses at one time rather than digesting a great number of chapters in one sitting. And the result? I’ve been so excited about what I’m learning and often mull over throughout the day what the Holy Spirit is teaching me through His Word. Thank you for sharing these studies so selflessly! Truly, I am blessed! Indeed, your whole site is an encouragement to fight the good fight; I am grateful for you!

I get encouraging little e-mails, messages, and blog/social media comments like this all the time. And I wouldn’t trade them for all the money in the world. It thrills me beyond words to hear about Christian women who are growing in the grace and knowledge of Christ, digging into His Word, growing in discernment, and serving their families and churches.

And when I get to be a tool in God’s hands to help a sister with that in some small way, it absolutely astounds me and humbles me beyond words. Christ is so good and so kind to allow us the honor and joy of serving Him by helping others, whether that’s a sister in Christ, our husbands, our children, a co-worker, or a neighbor.

Thanks so much, truly, to all of you who have ever written me a little note of encouragement. It will one day be my joy to lay all of those e-mails and comments at the feet of my precious Jesus as a fragrant offering. All of this has always been…and will always be…all for Him.

(If you’d like to try one of my Bible studies or learn more about how to study the Bible for yourself, click the “Bible Studies” tab at the top of this page.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Relationships

How Can We Be Friends? 4 Biblical and Practical Considerations for Co-Ed Christian Friendships

July 13, 2018July 12, 2018 Michelle Lesley

Any time an issue regarding the roles and relationships between Christian men and women comes up, there’s bound to be an airing of opinions. Strong opinions. And the social media opinions du jour are about friendships between Christian men and women. What’s appropriate? What’s not? Can Christian men and women have genuinely platonic friendships? Twitter is currently all a-chirp over Aimee Byrd’s new book Why Can’t We Be Friends? which addresses…

…the way to stand against culture is not by allowing it to drive us apart—it is by seeking the brother-and-sister closeness we are privileged to have as Christians. Here is a plan for true, godly friendship between the sexes that embraces the family we truly are in Christ and serves as the exact witness the watching world needs.
P&R Publishing, About: Why Can’t We Be Friends by Aimee Byrd

I guess it’s just the way my brain is wired, but when I first heard about Aimee’s book, my initial reaction was along the lines of, “Oh. OK. Sounds interesting…Why do we need a book about this?”. It was the same kind of reaction I’d have if somebody came out with a book about humans needing to breathe air or fire being hot. Yeah. That’s a given. Brothers and sisters in Christ have been friends for upwards of 2000 years now. I don’t understand what else there is to say about that.

But the more I thought about it – the way people have lost their ever lovin’ minds about how to properly relate to, even talk to, one another – the more I thought maybe this book was a good idea. In a world where a man can’t even stand next to Beth Moore and be taller than her without being accused of misogyny, perhaps a remedial course on the most basic of human relationships is in order.

I haven’t read Aimee’s book, so this isn’t a critique or review of it (you can read a detailed review by Amy Mantravadi here), but I did listen to her interview about Why Can’t We Be Friends on Theology Gals, and I didn’t hear anything problematic in Aimee’s description of her perspective on the subject. From what I’ve heard and read, I probably wouldn’t agree with Aimee about every single thing in the book, but I have no reason to believe she is advancing any unbiblical ideas, and that Why Can’t We Be Friends will likely prove a helpful biblical resource for many. My advice: If you want to know what Aimee thinks and whether or not it’s biblical, read the book and compare it to rightly handled Scripture.

But as I continued to think about and read discussions about the issue – especially in light of words like “misogyny”, “sexism”, and “abuse” being bandied about in evangelicalism like so many badminton birdies – I started seeing some aspects of this topic I wanted to address. Why can’t Christian men and women be friends? How can we be friends? Are there any potential problems we need to anticipate? Here are four practical and biblical things to take into consideration as we contemplate friendships between the sexes.

1.
Defining Our Terms

One of the first whiffs of controversy I caught about Aimee’s book was a Christian gentleman’s emphatic no to the question of whether or not men and women could be friends. His reasoning? Co-ed friendships would inevitably lead to adultery. As the conversation progressed, comments were made by more than one man suggesting that the only female friend a man should have is his wife. Why? Because these gentlemen were defining friendship as a deeply emotionally intimate relationship- the kind of spiritually bonded relationship you should only have with your spouse.

Well, OK, if that’s the way you define friendship, you’re right. You shouldn’t have that kind of relationship with anyone of the opposite sex. Or the same sex either. That “oneness” kind of friendship is restricted to one person on the planet- your spouse. Defining friendship this way essentially restricts you to no friends until you get married, and one friend thereafter.

The thing is, that’s not how 99.999% of people define the word “friendship.” That’s how people define the word “spouse.” That’s why we have two different words – friend and spouse – because they denote two different types of relationships. Your spouse should certainly be your friend, but your friend doesn’t have to be your spouse.

The concept of friendship is much more fluid, and generally, more broadly defined than unhelpfully equating “friend” with “spouse”. There is a spectrum of intimacy with others that ranges from “I just met this person” on one end to “I’ve been blissfully married to this person for 80 years” on the other end, and all kinds of levels of affinity in between.

There’s the “hello at the mailbox, can I borrow your rake” neighbor whose last name you might not even know, casual acquaintances like store clerks and stylists whom you see occasionally and make perfunctory small talk with, regular acquaintances like co-workers and people you’re friendly with at church but don’t socialize with outside that venue, couples you and your spouse are friends with and spend time with, “shared interest” friends (Civil War buff buddies, gardening buddies, etc.), social media friends, good friends who share a very emotionally close, personal relationship, and then there’s your spouse.

All of those people can be classified, at one level or another, as “friends”. Maybe the question shouldn’t be “Can Christian men and women be friends?” but “Which levels of friendship are biblically appropriate for Christian men and women to engage in?”

2.
Talk About It

If you’re married, especially if there have ever been issues of infidelity or insecurity for either of you, it’s wise to talk out what you’re both comfortable with when it comes to friendships outside the marriage.

It should be a no-brainer that neither of you should have any friendships that even come close to the emotional intimacy, affection, energy, and time you expend with each other. That’s not usually much of a problem for men, but, ladies, what about that close relationship you have with your mother, your sister, or your dearest girl friend? When you get phenomenal news – or devastating news – who is the first person you want to run to and share it with? If it’s anybody other than your husband, that’s a signal that you’re probably too close to that friend and not close enough to your husband.

But beyond being first in each others’ lives, what would be helpful and godly in your marriage regarding opposite sex (or even same sex) friendships? How much time is too much time to spend with a friend? What about going places together, talking on the phone, exchanging e-mails or private messages on social media? Which of the aforementioned “levels” of friendship should be restricted to members of the same sex? Discuss what each of you are OK with and not OK with, and why, avoiding the appearance of evil, and be sure to discuss practical safeguards you can each take against temptation.

If you’re single, these things are just as important to consider. Pray about them, discern how God would have you prioritize your friendships, and the time and emotional intimacy He would have you invest in them. And in the same way you reserve sexual intimacy for marriage, determine to reserve your deepest emotional intimacy for marriage, should that be God’s plan for you, as well.

3.
Different Ways to Be Friends

I think one thing that people who give a staunch and unwavering “no” to friendships between men and women might not be taking into consideration is that a proper, biblical, platonic friendship between a man and a woman isn’t going to look like a proper, biblical, platonic friendship between two women or two men.

My good friend, Darlene, and I text back and forth all the time, private message each other on Facebook, go out to lunch, and spend hours talking one on one. We even went to a conference earlier this year, driving several hundred miles back and forth and rooming together once we got there.

I am also friends with Darlene’s husband. Do I spend as much time with him? Do I spend time with him the same way I spend time with Darlene? Of course not. I talk to him at church, at fellowships, when the four of us spend time together as couples, sometimes (publicly) on social media, and the once in a blue moon informational-type e-mail. The dynamic is totally different. First of all, I’m on a lower level of “friendship intimacy” with him than I am with Darlene. Second of all, it would appear – and would be – inappropriate for me to spend time with him in the same ways I do with Darlene. And, finally, I wouldn’t want to make Darlene or my own husband uncomfortable.

I’m friends with both Darlene and her husband, but I’m friends with each of them on different levels of intimacy and I’m friends with each of them in different ways. To maintain biblical decorum, and to guard our hearts against temptation, friendships between men and women are necessarily going to look different from same gender friendships in the ways we spend time together and how much time we spend together.

4.
Can You Handle It?

An interesting dynamic about this back and forth over whether or not men and women can be friends is that, at least in the conversations I observed, men were more likely to say no, and women were more likely to be the ones promoting the idea of friendship between the sexes and not seeing a problem with it.

Ladies, we don’t get to make the across-the-board pronouncement that co-ed friendships between Christians are fine just because it wouldn’t be problematic for us. Furthermore it should give us pause that good, godly men are saying, “No. There are concerning issues here.” We need to sit down and actually listen to what they’re saying as a group and as individuals.

God created men and women differently. We are wired for relationships differently. That doesn’t mean women are wired right and men are wired wrong and they just need to get over it. It means we approach relationships differently. God created those different approaches and they are both good.

And when our brothers in Christ are saying, “We can’t handle this kind of relationship with you the way you want us to,” we need to respect and value that input into the conversation as much as we respect and value the input from our side of the aisle.

When it comes to individual friendships between a particular man and woman, that same respect and value for what another person can or can’t handle also has to hold sway. Every person is different. There are men you could put into a room full of naked women and they’d be obliviously critiquing the way the painter spackled the walls. There are other men for whom lust is such a temptation that they would have difficulty carrying on a five-minute conversation with a moderately attractive woman. Women are the same way. We all have varying levels of temptation to physical or emotional lust.

Through study of the Word, prayer, and, if you’re married, a healthy relationship with your husband, know your own limitations. Walk circumspectly, wisely, and obediently to Christ. Respect your male friends and acquaintances, and give them the space they need. They are probably trying to walk obediently, too.

Can men and women be friends? Of course. It’s how to be friends with one another that we need to pursue with wisdom, love, respect, holiness, purity of heart, and biblical propriety.

Sanctification, Sin

Throwback Thursday ~ The Garden of Weedin’

July 12, 2018July 11, 2018 Michelle Lesley

Originally published March 31, 2009

It’s that time again. Spring. Time to survey the damage winter did to the yard and get it back in shape. Sandwiched in between last week’s several days of rain and the multiple days of thunderstorms predicted for this week, were a few beautiful days that were just perfect for tackling the jungle that once was my back yard. Yikes. I could have lost a kid in all that grass.

Much to my dismay, when I got up close and personal with the overgrowth, I discovered that, once again, the army of weeds I spend every spring and summer fighting off had made significant advances into the yard. It also seemed to have secured the perimeter of my fencerow with a tall and nearly impregnable line of defense.

Heaving a sigh, I remembered what one gardener friend told me last year. The best way to fight off weeds is to get the grass really healthy and growing so it will choke out the weeds and reclaim the yard. Sounded reasonable to me. And familiar, too. Where had I heard something similar to that before? The idea tickled my brain as I hauled out the mower.

As I began shoving my trusty mower through that mess, it hit me. Weeds….choking something out. There was something about that in the Bible.

Ever notice how many of Jesus’ parables and illustrations include references to farming, plants, and other aspects of agriculture? The “Lord of the Harvest” gave us wheat and tares, fig trees, mustard seeds, vineyards, and of course, the parable of the sower scattering his seed.

Ah, that’s what it was. The parable of the sower. Remember him? He went out to seed his land, and the seed ended up finding its way not only to the good soil he had prepared, but also to some rocky soil, the roadside, and a patch of thorns (which the New Century Version translates as “weeds”):

Some other seed fell among thorny weeds, which grew and choked the good plants. Matthew 13:7 (NCV)

That’s exactly what was going on in my yard! The grass wasn’t yet strong enough to choke out all the weeds, the weeds were choking out my good crop of grass. They were also making my fencerow look awful, so I finished up the mowing, and, mentally assessing our temperamental edger, decided to clean off the fencerow by hand.

As I began yanking at those pesky plants, God reminded me that we all have weeds in our lives that need to be pulled up. So just what constitutes a “weed” in our spiritual lives? Well, Jesus was kind enough to explain that in Matthew 13:22:

And what is the seed that fell among the thorny weeds? That seed is like the person who hears the teaching but lets worries about this life and the temptation of wealth stop that teaching from growing. So the teaching does not produce fruit in that person’s life. (NCV)

Jesus compares the weeds to two things: “the worries about this life” and “the temptation of wealth”.

“The worries about this life” could cover just about anything. It could be a financial struggle, a wayward child, a difficult marriage, a hostile work environment, or even a painful past that we’re striving to put behind us. Any situation we deal with that looms so large, it blocks out our view of Christ and prevents us from trusting Him to handle it. Anything that takes our eyes off Him, tempts us to focus only on our circumstances, and derails the teaching God is trying to manifest in our lives.

“The temptation of wealth” could also cover a lot of areas in our lives. First Timothy 6:10 tells us that “the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil…”. Evil. In other words, sin.

“A root”. Hmmm…interesting.

Well, I was certainly dealing with plenty of roots. When it comes to weeds, it doesn’t do much good to simply pull the leaves off or snap the stem in half. For some reason, weeds– at least the ones in my yard –seem to take this as a challenge to grow back. You have to pull weeds up by the roots in order to get rid of them.

Likewise, if there is something in our lives which “stops [God’s] teachings from growing” or prevents God’s teachings from producing fruit in our lives (see Matthew 13:22 above) we need to have the Master Gardener root out the instigating problem rather than plucking at its leaves ourselves.

For example, if you’re struggling with being a workaholic, you can break off part of the stem of that problem by cutting back on work a few hours a week, but the root of the problem may be that you have made work an idol in place of God, that you don’t trust Him to provide for your needs, or that you are loving yourself and your work more than your family. If those root problems aren’t dealt with you will likely fail in your efforts to cut back on work, or something else, such as a hobby, may spring up to take the place of those hours you would have spent at work.

As I continued to work, I noticed that some weeds were very easy to pull up and some were quite difficult. The easiest to pull seemed to be the weeds that had taken root in the decaying leaf matter on top of the soil rather than in the soil itself. The difficult ones were the ones that had been growing for a long period of time. Some of their roots were over a foot long. These roots had made their way far from the visible plant and into another part of the yard, which meant they were affecting much more than just the immediate area around the plant itself.

And so it is with our spiritual weeds. The best time to deal with sin or turn a troubling situation over to God is early, before it has a chance to take root, because once it does, it’s going to be much harder to deal with and it’s going to begin to affect more and more areas of our lives.

Dealing with sin or difficult situations pre-emptively is even better. Flee temptation before you have a chance to give in to it. Determine to commit your works to the Lord and acknowledge Him in all your ways, and you will avoid some of the heartbreaking circumstances that might otherwise come your way.

As I struggled with one particularly stubborn weed, I noticed that its roots were intertwined with those of a couple of other totally different weeds. As I pulled at the one I was working on, the others were coming up as well.

When God pulls up those really difficult weeds in our lives, we will often find that He is simultaneously uprooting other sins and situations that have become enmeshed with the primary one. Sometimes when this happens to me, I feels like God is “piling on” and wish He would just work on one thing at a time in my life!

By the time I reached the end of the fencerow, I was sweating, my back was killing me, and I had broken two nails, despite the gardening gloves I was wearing. Pulling weeds is not a day at Disney World. It’s tough work!

But as I stood back and surveyed the results of my efforts, I saw that the fencerow no longer looked trashy. It looked clean and neat. Something any gardener would be pleased with. And, something else had happened that I hadn’t even noticed until that moment. As the roots of those weeds came up, they naturally tilled the soil.

It was moist,

loose,

rich;

the perfect condition for good seed to be sown by the Master Gardener.

Women of Genesis Bible Study

The Women of Genesis: Lesson 29- Judah’s Wife and Tamar

July 11, 2018April 2, 2019 Michelle Lesley

Previous Lessons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

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Read Genesis 38

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Questions to Consider

1. Who was Judah? (1) What do we know about him thus far? What do we know about his connection to Jesus?

2. What nationality was Judah’s wife (Shua’s daughter)? (2) Review previous lessons (links above) dealing with Abraham’s offspring taking Canaanite wives. What were some of the reasons it was problematic and undesirable for those in the Abrahamic Covenant to intermarry with the Canaanites?

3. What was Judah’s wife’s name? (2,12) How many sons did she have, and what were their names?

4. Who was Tamar, and what was her relationship to Er and to Judah? (6) What happened to Tamar’s first husband? (7) What was Onan’s relationship to Tamar? What did Judah instruct Onan to do after Er died? (8)

5. Verse 8 is the first instance we see in the Bible of levirate marriage. God later codified this practice into Israel’s law. What was the purpose of levirate marriage? How did it protect both the widow and the posterity of the family line? Put yourself in the sandals of an Old Testament woman involved in a levirate marriage situation. Describe some of the circumstances you might face, and the thoughts and emotions you might experience.

6. What happened with Tamar’s second husband? Explain verses 9-10 in your own words. What was Onan’s sin? Was it sexual sin or something else? (9) What does Onan’s sin tell us about his character as a man and as a husband?

7. Describe Tamar’s husbands and her experience with marriage thus far as she might describe it. Think back over Rachel’s, Leah’s, and Sarah’s desperation to have children as a reflection of the pressure that culture put on women to prove their worth and value through bearing sons. Could Tamar have been feeling that same sort of desperation, especially since she had gone through the “right channels” (levirate marriage) and had been cheated out of her legal recourse?

8. Explain in your own words the situation with Tamar marrying Shelah, Judah’s third, and only living son. (11, 14b, 26) Had Tamar followed Judah’s instructions? Had Judah kept his word to her? Briefly explain how Tamar had been let down by Er, Onan, and now Judah.

9. Read verses 13-26. What was Tamar’s plan? Was it premeditated? In what way(s) did Tamar sin in this situation? Did Tamar’s desperation and hopelessness over her situation and her mistreatment by Judah and his sons justify her sin?

10. Make a list of Judah’s sins against Tamar and against God, including any Scripture references you can recall of biblical principles he violated. Consider how Judah’s hypocrisy and judgment of Tamar in verses 24-26 is an example of the unbiblical judgment and hypocrisy Matthew 7:1-5 talks about. Describe how Judah could have treated Tamar in a godly way.

11. Did Judah’s sins against Tamar justify her own sin? If someone sins against you, is it OK with God if you act sinfully in response? How did Jesus act when He was sinned against by the Pharisees, Judas, and others? How can we follow His example, and why is it important for Christians to respond in a godly way to ungodly people and situations?

12. Compare and contrast Tamar’s mistreatment at the hands of men, and her response to the situation, with the current clamor in evangelicalism to respond to misogyny (both real and perceived) in the church. How does Tamar’s story teach us the importance of responding to misogyny and abuse in a godly and biblical way rather than taking matters into our own hands and doing what seems right in our own eyes?

Homework

Tamar was let down by an evil first husband, a second husband who didn’t want the responsibility of her and only wanted to use her for sex, and a father in law who broke his promise to her. Desperate for offspring, Tamar took matters into her own hands rather than trusting and obeying God. Compare the way Tamar took matters into her own hands with the way Sarah took matters into her own hands when she couldn’t conceive. What were the outcomes? Describe a time when you were in a difficult situation and were tempted to handle things your own way rather than trusting and obeying God. Explain why the cliché “Desperate times call for desperate measures,” would be better changed to “Desperate times call for prayer, obedience, and trusting God.”

Suggested Memory Verse

Then Judah identified them and said, “She is more righteous than I, since I did not give her to my son Shelah.” And he did not know her again.
Genesis 38:26