Tag: Christian Parenting

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Vote with my liberal husband?… Discern this meme… Kids’ Bible classes twice weekly?)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er, kinda? sometimes?😀) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

I recently commented on a post on X regarding a husband determining how his household votes and I took the position that if the husband votes against biblical principles, the wife should not have to also do so.

After reading your article I “feel led” in a different direction from my husband, I think my position is wrong. My husband generally votes liberal and I conservative. I try to keep quiet regarding my opinions which do not align with his, but my husband knows how I vote and he does not like it. Like the lady in the article, I would like to know that I am doing the right thing if I vote according to my husband’s choices.

Great question! I’m so glad you’re trying to think this through biblically and that you want to submit to your husband.

There’s a pretty big difference between the situation the lady in the “I ‘feel led'” article was asking about and the situation you’re asking about.

Her husband wasn’t doing anything sinful or unbiblical. He was doing something morally neutral and potentially beneficial for his family. Your husband is doing something sinful and unbiblical (especially if he professes to be a Christian), and potentially harmful to thousands or millions of people. Remember this paragraph of the article?

Unless your husband is…encouraging you to do something sinful, God’s will is for you to graciously submit to his decisions. Denying your request to move to another state may not make you happy, but it does not qualify as…sin.

Your initial position was correct. No Christian should vote for things that conflict with rightly handled, in context Scripture, and that includes Christian wives whose husbands vote in favor of those things. No, you would not be doing the right thing if you vote in favor of unbiblical issues simply because your husband does.

God is a God of order who established and runs His world according to a hierarchy of authorities that we are to submit to. The Christian woman’s hierarchy of authorities to submit to looks like this:

God
Your husband
Other authorities in their appropriate spheres
(your pastor, the government, your boss, etc.)

You should absolutely submit to your husband, even if your husband isn’t a Believer. But God outranks your husband, and if God tells you to do something (in rightly handled, in context Scripture), and your husband tells you to do something else, you submit to God, not your husband. As Peter said in Acts 5:29, “We must obey God rather than men.”.

Sit down with your husband and have a conversation about this. Acknowledge that you’re aware he doesn’t like the way you vote, but that you can’t vote for things that are unbiblical. Reassure him that you will never lie to him about how you plan to vote and that you will vote the way he does on any issue that does not conflict with Scripture.

But on the items that do conflict with Scripture, there are two options on the table:

  • You can continue to vote on the issue in alignment with Scripture
  • You can refrain from voting on those items

Let him know you’ll graciously abide by whatever he decides. That way you will be submitting to him, but in a way that doesn’t cause you to sin against your conscience.

I would encourage you to also listen to our A Word Fitly Spoken podcast episode Should Women Vote?

I have followed you for 6-7 years (or more-time flies!) and have learned so much about false teachers and discernment. This has also cost me many friends. I am deeply sad that so many are led astray. Would you please read the following Facebook post that my friend posted and comment on how you would respond to this? Thank you for your time and consideration. 

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and for being a loyal follower!

Yep, that’s me – if you have too many friends or too many social media followers, just start sharing my articles with them. I guarantee that will whittle your friend list down to an easily manageable number!😀

This is one of those things that sounds kinda “Christiany” on the surface, but the minute you start giving it any actual biblical thought, it collapses like the house of cards it is. I mean, just take the very last sentence.

Do you think any evangelical woman who swears by all this stuff -let’s call her “Vivian Virtue Signaler”- is going to find joy by surrounding herself with me (or any other doctrinally sound Christian who would tell her this is all a bunch of holier-than-thou hoo hah)? I give Vivian five minutes before she takes a swing at me – someone who, undoubtedly, lives “differently” than she does.

This is a classic mixture of truth and error. It mirrors Satan’s approach in the Garden. It’s unbiblical hubris disguised as an angel of light.

BEFORE READING FURTHER, let me issue all of my readers a little challenge. Go through each of the points listed on the meme, read them carefully, and see if you can explain – from rightly handed, in context, chapter and verse Scripture – why each statement is either biblical or unbiblical. Then, read my answers below and let’s see if we’re on the same page!

Here we go!

The title of this meme, “I Care About You,” is a lie for any Christian who agrees with many of the things listed in items 1-9.

  1. Who you choose to love, and how you love, is your business.
    Anyone with a pulse knows this is code for, “Homosexuality is fine, and nobody better say any different.”. It’s a veiled threat. No one who’s actually been born again would ever say something so hateful to someone enslaved to the sin of homosexuality or any other sexual sin. When we see someone who desperately needs a Savior, it’s our business to call that person to repent and believe the gospel.

    Furthermore, Vivian, if someone chooses to “love” your husband, your nine year old, or your dog in a sexually immoral way, is that still just his or her business? I think you’d say that’s now your business.
    X
  2. I respect your pursuit of happiness.
    Again, this is code for, “Sin all you like, in any way you like! I’ll never confront you!”. How is that “I care about you,” for a Christian?

    Vivian, what if my “pursuit of happiness” includes stealing your car, drowning kittens, or correcting all of these unbiblical beliefs you hold? You’re going to stand by and joyfully “respect” my pursuit of those things without telling me to stop? I don’t believe that for a second.
    X
  3. I will live and let live.
    Riiiiiiight. No one who has ever said this truly believes it or lives it out. No one. Eventually, everyone confronts someone about something and tells him to stop. Why? First, because the law is written on our hearts. We all have a basic sense of right and wrong, justice and injustice. We’re not going to “let live” someone whose “pursuit of happiness” includes harming someone we love. Second, we idolize the comfort of our own flesh. If someone walks up to you and starts repeatedly poking you in the arm, exactly how many pokes will it take before “live and let live” goes right out the window?

    (How ya doing over there, Vivian Virtue Signaler? Finding a lot of joy in this dismantling of your ridiculous and unbiblical platitudes?)
    X
  4. I will follow my faith, knowing that Jesus calls me to love.
    Yo Viv, how about you follow the Bible, knowing that your “faith” is in the world’s definition of “love”. I got your love right here:

    Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. 1 John 2:15-16

    You love the world and its ideologies. You love people thinking you’re a wonderful person. You don’t love Christ and His Word.

    Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

    You won’t even lay your life down enough to call sinners to repent and believe the gospel. You hate them by leaving them to die in their sins.
    X
  5. I will try to use my time on this earth wisely, choosing understanding over judgment.
    This whole screed is you judging other “Christians” who aren’t as awesome and virtuous as you are. It’s dripping with unbiblical, hypocritical judgment against the Christian clodhoppers who are so backwards and hick as to actually believe the Bible and do what it says.

    You have no wisdom or understanding, because the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding, and, based on this meme, you clearly don’t fear Him or know Him in any substantive way. And you also don’t know what biblical judgment is. So you’re not equipped to do any of those things.
    X
  6. I will not name call or belittle.
    This is a great – and, in fact, biblical – aspiration, Vivian, but this entire meme implicitly belittles everyone who isn’t as wonderful as you are. Furthermore, it’s the very “Christians” who say things like this and parade their awesomeness around in front of everybody who are the first to attack doctrinally sound Christians for humbly obeying Scripture and calling others to do the same.
    X
  7. I am not better than you.
    This is a true and biblical statement, Vivian. If you believed this, you wouldn’t have created and posted this virtue signaling meme.
    X
  8. We are all humans, created by God, not robots programmed to think, act, or live the same way.
    Accurate, at least on the surface. But in the context of all the other things Vivian is saying in this meme, what she seems to mean is that, for example, living as a Satan worshiping, transsexual, abortionist is just as valid a way of life as living as a genuinely regenerate Christian who thinks, acts, and lives according to Scripture.

    It’s not. There’s a vast difference between “not thinking, acting, or living the same way” when it comes to morally neutral life choices like urban vs. rural, vegetarian vs. carnivore, or white collar vs. blue collar, and “not thinking, acting, or living the same way” when it comes to life choices that are not morally neutral, like Satanist vs. Christian, homosexual vs. heterosexual, or drunkenness vs. sobriety.

    When it’s a matter of “not thinking, acting, or living the same way” as the Bible commands, that’s sin. And people living in sin must be called to repent and believe the gospel. That’s the only way “I Care About You” can be true.
    X
    X
  9. I will love you as you express your kind, honest, true self.
    Well, Viv, I’ve expressed my kind, honest, true self to you, and I am kindly, honestly, and truly telling you that you need to repent of all these unbiblical notions and of the pride that motivated you to create and post this meme. Do you love me?

From experience, I’ve found joy in surrounding myself with those who live differently than I do.
I don’t, because, broadly speaking, people who “live differently than I do” with regard to those life choices that aren’t morally neutral, aren’t saved.

And I find no joy in surrounding myself with sinners who are determined to fling themselves into the bowels of Hell for all eternity.

I find that heartbreaking.

I want them to know Christ. I want them to know the same forgiveness, peace, love, and hope I found when I came to know Him.

That’s what “I Care About You” means for a Christian.

Now, my dear reader who submitted this question, you asked how I would respond to this. The above is how I respond to the content of the meme.

If you’re asking how you should respond to your friend who found this meme somewhere and shared it on Facebook, I would take into consideration your friend’s spiritual state (lost or saved?) and, if she’s saved, her level of spiritual maturity, and I would most likely just scroll on by without comment.

If, for some reason, you do find it necessary to discuss it with her, I would do so privately and in person. Just take her through the various points of the meme, kindly and patiently ask her questions about what she understands each statement to mean, and point her to Scripture.

Be prepared for her not to react well. Maybe she’s just a young Christian who doesn’t know any better and will be thankful to learn from you. I hope that’s the case. But she could also be someone who’s entrenched in this drivel, doesn’t want you raining on her parade of good vibrations, and will not take kindly to anyone contradicting it. Don’t let her reaction deter you from standing firmly, yet kindly, on the truth of Scripture.

My question is, for childrens ministry, is it appropriate or biblical to have Sunday lessons as well as Wednesday night lessons for the children? I find myself being stretched thin and believe the responsibility should be for parents to primarily teach their children. I think of Titus, where Paul exhorts the older women to teach the younger women. I believe that though I have a passion to teach both women and children, I am being led to teach the mothers to teach their own children. While still continuing in Sunday lessons at least until the kids reach 12 yrs.

I think I understand what you’re asking, but I’m going to have to read between the lines a bit, because a few key pieces of information seem to be missing. So please forgive me if I misread between the lines.

There is absolutely nothing wrong or unbiblical, and everything right and biblical, with a church that has children’s Bible classes on Sunday morning and Wednesday night, just like they might have adult Bible classes on Sunday morning and Wednesday night. In fact, among the churches I’m familiar with, this is exactly what most of them do.

I’m inferring from your statements about being “stretched thin” and your passion for teaching children that perhaps you are the only one teaching the children’s classes and you’re starting to get a little burned out or your life has gotten busier and you no longer have time to prepare for and teach both Sunday and Wednesday.

If that’s the case, there are two separate issues at play here, and I would encourage you to keep them separate in order to handle each of them biblically.

First, while it’s important to keep our commitments, to be women of our word, and to follow through with things we’ve agreed to do, sometimes life just happens. This is why it is important to make sure our priorities in life are in a biblical order and that we learn to say no to lower priority things that impinge on higher priority things.

A Christian woman’s priorities and obligations should be:

Her personal relationship with Christ
Her husband (if she’s married)
Her children and grandchildren (if any)
Her church
Relationally close extended family / loved ones
Her job or other work outside of managing her household
Leisure, hobbies, optional volunteer work

Naturally, emergencies and other situations may temporarily shift some of these things around a bit. Caring for an aging parent may force you to miss church sometimes. If your neighbor’s house is on fire, the Lord does not want you to finish your morning Bible study time instead of helping them.

But if, for instance, you’ve entered a season of life in which your children or husband need more of your time at home, it’s OK to finish out, and cut back on, your commitments (those that are over and above attending Bible study and worship service) at church.

Too many Christian women do not know how to say a holy “no,” and end up overextending themselves in a way that is a disservice to themselves and their families, and is actually displeasing to the Lord. You do not have to say “yes” to everything you’re asked to do. (And trust me, the more you say yes, the more you’ll be asked.)

When someone asks you to take on a long term responsibility like teaching a class, or serving on a committee, or cooking the Wednesday night fellowship meal, or whatever, your immediate response should be something along the lines of, “I’m honored that you asked me. Let me talk to my husband about it and pray about it. Could I get back to you next week with my answer?”. And then take that time to think, pray, and discuss with your husband whether or not this new responsibility would be a fit for you, your family, and your schedule.

If it’s not, there’s no shame in that, and you don’t need to make up excuses (which can turn out to be lies, if you’re not careful). All you have to say is, “Myrtle, I’m so honored you asked me to teach the three year old class every week, but after discussing it with my husband, praying about it, and evaluating my schedule, I’m afraid I can’t commit to that right now. I’ll pray with you that you’ll find just the right person for the job.”.

Just because there’s a vacancy or a need doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be the one to fill it.

So if that’s the type of situation you’re in – you’re overextended, or you’ve been teaching the children forever and you just need a break, or God truly is changing the direction He wants you to go in serving Him (from teaching children to teaching adult women) that’s OK in and of itself. You don’t need to lean on “parents should be their children’s primary Bible teachers” or any other “loftier” theological reason to cut back or shift gears.* Prayerfully and honestly decide what you need to do to honor God, finish out your commitment or give plenty of notice, and do it.

*(I’m not saying the lady who asked the question is doing this, I just know that among hard-working, constantly serving Christian women, sometimes we feel like we have to have some sort of super spiritual sounding reason for saying no to something. We don’t. Keeping your priorities in a biblical order is a “super spiritual” reason.)

The principle of parents needing to be their children’s primary Bible teachers is a separate issue. Yes, parents should be pouring the Word and prayer into their children every day. Two Bible classes a week at church is not going to prevent or interfere with parents who are committed to doing that.

For parents who are not already committed to teaching their children the Bible at home, but are relying on the children’s Bible classes at church to do their job for them, canceling one or both of the classes is not the answer. That’s not going to suddenly inspire those parents to start teaching their children the Bible. All it’s going to do is reduce or eliminate the only Bible teaching the children are currently receiving.

My advice (depending on what your husband and your pastor say, of course – you’ll need to check with them first) would be to find however many people you need to either help you with or take over the children’s classes, and then begin discipling the mothers to teach their children the Bible at home during the week. Or maybe do both. Disciple the mothers, but also have them come with their children to either or both of the weekly classes so they can learn how to teach their children the Bible. Maybe even have the moms rotate teaching the children’s classes so they can get some “on the job training”! That might be a good way to get the help you need in the children’s classes.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Parenting

Parenting Without Shame

Michelle Lesley

Originally published March 5, 2015

I don’t know about you, but I find “pet shaming” pictures hilarious. You’ve seen them. They’re the ones that show something like a dog next to a chewed up tube of diaper rash ointment, and the dog is wearing a sign around its neck saying, “I ate a tube of Desitin and barfed all over the new carpet during my family’s dinner party.”

Photo courtesy of Life With Dogs

The funny thing to me is that the dog usually looks like he’s not the least bit sorry, and he’s certainly not ashamed. We can have a good guilt-free laugh at these silly pictures, because the dog has no idea what’s going on and isn’t feeling humiliated in the slightest. But what about the shaming of human beings?

Shaming as a form of punishment is nothing new. You read The Scarlet Letter in high school, right? You’ve seen pictures of a one room schoolhouse with a child sitting in the corner wearing a dunce cap? More recently, we’ve seen judges sentence petty criminals to stand in a public place holding a sign confessing their crimes. But lately I’ve been seeing a parenting trend that isn’t funny or appropriate, especially for Christian parents: kid shaming.

Lately I’ve been seeing a parenting trend that isn’t funny or appropriate, especially for Christian parents: kid shaming.

This ten year old girl was lying about her age, sneaking out with boyfriends, and breaking her parents’ social media rules. So they forced her to wear a shirt declaring her age, along with a “little girl” hairdo and accessories

This barber offers parents free “balding man” haircuts for their misbehaving children.

This mom went to school with her teen-aged daughter, mocking, taunting, and videotaping her for skipping class.

If a child were doing this kind of thing to another child, we’d call it bullying, and everyone would be appalled. But if a parent does it and posts pictures of it on social media she’s hailed as an innovative disciplinarian.

Does kid shaming work to modify a child’s behavior? Sometimes. But as Christian parents, we are not called to merely modify our children’s behavior. We are called to cultivate the soil of their hearts, so that those little hearts may one day be fertile ground, ready for the seeds of the gospel and godly discipline. And shaming or humiliating a child doesn’t enrich that heart soil. It hardens it.

As Christian parents, we are not called to merely modify our children’s behavior. We are called to cultivate the soil of their hearts. And shaming or humiliating a child doesn’t enrich that heart soil. It hardens it.

Children need discipline, but they need us to discipline them in a godly way. How do we discover the godly way to discipline? By following God’s example laid down in His Word. There are many reasons God presents Himself to us in the Bible as our Father. First, and foremost, it describes our relationship to Him: the depth of His love for us, His desire for what’s best for us, His authority over us. Our love for and dependence on Him, our desire to obey Him. But, secondly, God revealing Himself to us as our Father gives us a beautiful, perfect model to follow in parenting.

God revealing Himself to us as our Father gives us a beautiful, perfect model to follow in parenting.

Want to know how to love your child? Look at the way God loves you. Want to know how to provide for your child? Look at the way God provides for you. And if you want to know how to discipline your child, look at the way God disciplines His children. Does God shame and humiliate us when we sin? No.

He disciplines us because He loves us…

For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. Hebrews 12:6

He does not shame us into repentance, but draws us with His kindness.

Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? Romans 2:4

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Colossians 3:21

He does not discipline to humiliate, but to train us in holiness and righteousness…

but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:10b-11

Sometimes God’s discipline is pretty intense, but it is always done in love and always to draw us away from sin and back to holiness, never to demean us. Our children are a precious gift, entrusted to us by God. We are to reflect God’s character to them as we walk with Him and seek to love and discipline them His way. Choosing a worldly way of correcting their behavior but not tending their hearts, well…that would be a shame.

Choosing a worldly way of correcting their behavior but not tending their hearts, well…that would be a shame.

Parenting

Parenting: What a Child Wants, What a Child Needs

Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 10, 2014

It’s a funny thing about parenting articles– they’re always written by doctors or psychologists or parents, never by the people being parented: the kids. I mean, think about it, if you were a waitress and you wanted to know how to serve your customers better, would you take advice solely from other waitresses, restaurant managers, and the guys at corporate? Wouldn’t you, at some point, want to hear from the people you actually serve regarding what they want out of a waitress? So how come we never ask our kids what they want out of a parent?

Well, I decided to.

Parenting articles are always written by doctors or psychologists or parents, never by the people being parented: the kids. How come we never ask our kids what they want out of a parent? Well, I decided to.

My husband and I have five boys, ages 26, 24, 14, 12, and 11, and one girl, age 18. The two oldest boys are grown and out on their own, so I interviewed the four still living at home: my daughter and the three younger boys. They’re average kids from an average, church-every-Sunday-and-Wednesday, Christian family. My husband and I are imperfect parents who make a ton of mistakes, but we’re doing our best to raise them in “the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

The interview consisted of one question: What advice would you give to parents?

M (18 year old daughter) has spent the year since she graduated from high school teaching pre-schoolers at a Christian day care, so much of her advice is drawn from that experience. She has learned a lot about parenting that will help her to be a great mother some day.

  • Don’t be scared to discipline your child. Children need discipline, and that’s part of your job as a parent.
  • Kids are smarter than you think they are. Take the time to work with them. You’ll be amazed at how much they can learn!
  • Giving in to tantrums will ultimately make parenting more difficult because you’re teaching your child that tantrums work when they want to get their own way about something.
  • When considering names for your baby, imagine one of your adult friends introducing himself with that name. If the name doesn’t work for an adult, consider another choice. Also be aware of any acronyms or foul words your child’s initials might spell.
  • Never lie to your children to give them a reason for telling them yes or no about something. (For example: one of my children was constantly begging to go to the park. Her mother finally told her, “No, we can’t go to the park because it’s closed.” Naturally, a few minutes later, they drove by the park and saw plenty of people there. The child said, “I thought it was closed!”)
  • Before buying your child any DVD, watch it several times to make sure it doesn’t drive you nuts.
  • No child ever died from a dog licking him in the face.
  • A little sugar from time to time isn’t going to kill your child.

J1 (14 year old son) just finished eighth grade and isn’t interested in doing anything that taxes his brain during summer break. After we got past, “Mom, you’re the perfect parent! You don’t need any parenting advice from me!” (so he could go back to watching TV), here are the few gems I was able to extract from him:

  • Teach your kids not to be aggravating to other kids.
  • Don’t let your kids date too early.
  • Don’t force foods on your kids that they have either tasted and don’t like or think they won’t like.
  • Don’t make your kids write your blog articles for you. It’s pretty boring for them!!!

B (12 year old son) is a take charge kind of guy who would have gladly written this article for me (and probably would have done a better job!) He just finished the 6th grade. B says:

  • Give a thirty minute bed time extension with every birthday. (He calculates this based on a baby from birth to one year having a bed time of 6:00 p.m. A one year old would go to bed at 6:30, a two year old at 7:00, etc.)
  • Have a large Christmas budget.
  • Buy your kids go carts.
  • Take more vacations.
  • Don’t make things sound better or worse than they actually are. (“Mom, one time I was going to get some shots and you told me it would hurt really bad. I didn’t think it hurt that much.”)
  • Set a good example for your kids.

J2 (11 year old son) just finished 5th grade and lives life wide open with his hair on fire. He had lots of great 11 year old advice for parents:

  • Spend more time with your kids.
  • More bacon. Also, more junk food and cokes.
  • Let us do good April Fool’s tricks.
  • Mud fights whenever we want.
  • Let us run around the house nekkid! (That’s “naked” if you don’t live in the South.)
  • Don’t make your kids go to school.
  • Be less demanding and don’t criticize your kids.

Awesome parenting advice, no? Maybe my husband and I should just change all our rules around to fit what the kids want. After all, going back to our waitress analogy, the customer’s always right, right?

Wrong.

The Bible says in Ephesians 6:1 (a verse every child in our family memorizes as a toddler) “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right,” not “parents obey your children.” If we decided to become the parents they wanted, we’d have a bunch of naked, bacon-snarfing, go cart riding, uneducated pranksters who stay up until midnight.

The reason God gave children parents is so that we can exercise the wisdom, experience, and discernment they don’t have but so desperately need.

The reason God gave children parents is so that we can exercise the wisdom, experience, and discernment they don’t have but so desperately need. As godly parents, my husband and I must listen to our children and take to heart anything that is wise or biblical (“Set a good example for your children.” “Never lie to your children.”) and say a firm “no” anything that isn’t (large Christmas budgets and living room streaking).

Because God has told us to train our children up in the way they should go, not the way they want to go.

God has told us to train our children up in the way they should go, not the way they want to go.

Parenting

Homemade Catechism: 11 Scriptures for Real Life Parenting Situations

Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 24, 2015

Catechism isn’t as widely used as it once was, which I think is a real shame. It’s a way of teaching doctrine and Scripture to children in a brief question and answer format. The child memorizes the answers and repeats them back to the teacher or parent when asked. Perhaps you’ve heard this question and answer before:

What is the chief end of man?

Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.

Even if a formal catechism isn’t a fit for your family, God still requires us to train our children in the Scriptures.

That’s from the Westminster Shorter Catechism, which you might enjoy working on with your children. But even if a formal catechism isn’t a fit for your family, God still requires us to train our children in the Scriptures. God tells the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6:6-7:

The Bible isn’t to be relegated to family worship time or church. We’re to saturate our homes and our lives with it. Ephesians 6:4 reinforces this thought in the New Testament, exhorting fathers to bring children up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Scripture is to inform every aspect of our parenting.

Teaching your children the Bible might sound like a big task, and it is, but, if you think about it, we already catechize our children in so many ways we’re not even aware of. How many times have you asked your child, “What’s the magic word?” or “What do you say to Aunt Margaret for the nice present?” It usually doesn’t take long for them to get the hang of coming up with the right answer.

Teaching your children the Bible might sound like a big task, and it is, but, if you think about it, we already catechize our children in so many ways we’re not even aware of.

So don’t be scared. If you’ll take things moment by moment, intentionally bring Scripture into the circumstances that come up in every day life, and explain how it relates to those circumstances, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your children will grasp and apply the verses you’re teaching them. And they’ll be learning the most important lesson of all: God’s Word is authoritative, and we are to obey it in every situation in life.

Your children will be learning the most important lesson of all: God’s Word is authoritative, and we are to obey it in every situation in life.

Here’s the informal “Lesley Family Catechism” that we have formulated and implemented over the years. Maybe with a few tweaks here and there, it would work for your family.

1.

Q: You’ve done ________ to disobey me. What does the Bible say about obeying Mommy?

A. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1

It’s hard for little kids to remember all the do’s and don’t’s in the Bible, so God made it easy on them. One commandment that covers all the others: obey your parents. (Colossians 3:20 is very similar.)

2.

Q: Hitting your brother is not right. What does Jesus say about how we’re to treat each other?

A. “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12

3.

Q: I know your friend was ugly to you, and that hurts, but what does God say about forgiveness?

A. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

4.

Q. God takes lying seriously. You cannot tell a lie and then when you’re caught, say, “I was just joking.” What does the Bible tell us about doing that?

A. Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!” Proverbs 26:18-19

5.

Q. You are a thirteen year old, not a three year old. What does the Bible tell us about acting childish?

A. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 1 Corinthians 13:11

This verse has been very beneficial with our teenage children, especially the boys. We have always emphasized to them that we are trying to raise them to be godly men.

6.

Q. You may have done the right (or wrong) thing, but what was the attitude of your heart? How does God see you when He looks at you?

A. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7b

It’s important for our children to understand that God doesn’t judge them merely by their external behaviors, whether they’ve tried hard out of love for Him and failed, or gritted their teeth and done what was right with a rotten attitude. This can lead to the incorrect understanding of the gospel that many people have today: “If my good deeds outweigh my bad deeds, I’ll go to Heaven,”  or “Being a Christian is just being a good person.” God looks at our hearts, sees sinners in need of forgiveness, and offers us grace and mercy through repentance and faith in the shed blood of Christ for our sin.

7.

Q. What do you mean, you hate your sister? You have confessed Christ as Savior. What does the Bible tell us about Christians loving their brothers and sisters?

A. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 1 John 4:20

In the context of this verse, and the book of 1 John, “brother” doesn’t mean “sibling,” it normally means “brother in Christ.” Still, in addition to fellow Christians, we are called to love our enemies and love our neighbors as ourselves, so we’re to show brotherly love to all.

8.

Q. You’re doing an awful lot of complaining and arguing right now. What does God’s word say about that?

A. Do all things without grumbling or disputing, Philippians 2:14

9.

Q. I know that what you’re telling me isn’t true. What does the Bible say about lying?

A. Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight. Proverbs 12:22

10.

Q. You seem to be acting selfishly, pridefully, always wanting the first and best, and insisting on getting your own way. What does Scripture say about that?

A. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4

11.

Q. It seems like you flew off the handle in anger. What does the Bible say about that?

A. Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20

Working on memorizing these or other Scriptures with your children is a wonderful opportunity to teach them what God’s Word means and to begin sharing the gospel with them at a very young age. And you’ll know it’s sinking in when you start hearing them say, “Mom, you’re doing ________. What does the Bible say about that?”

You’ll know it’s sinking in when you start hearing them say, “Mom, you’re doing ________. What does the Bible say about that?”