Raising Children – Michelle Lesley

If your theology pretty much matches up with mine (as outlined in my “Welcome” and “Statement of Faith” tabs in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) and you’d like to contribute a guest post, drop me an e-mail at MichelleLesley1@yahoo.com, and let’s chat about it.

I’d Rather Be with You:
An Open Letter to My Children
by Courtney Feulner

In a world where children are seen not as a blessing, but an inconvenience, I want you to know:
I’d rather be with you, my darlings.

While others are getting their eight hours of blissful slumber, and I wake for the third time with tired groans (and bags under my eyes), secretly,
I’d rather be with you.

When you greet me before the first morning light with sleepy eyes and wobbly steps, and other moms are off to their morning work-outs, I know this time is fleeting, so
I’d rather be with you.

While other kids your age are carted off from one activity to another, I know your time will come, but for now,
I’d rather be with you.

While other couples are trekking across the globe and taking adventurous trips, just the two of them, I look out and see you playing without a care in the world, and I smile because I know my time will come, and if given the choice,
I’d rather be with you.

When my name is on the invitation, and yours are not,
I’d rather be with you, my loves.

While career-woman chases financial freedom and grasps for the next rung, I consider her little ones who foot the bill. Money can’t buy what I have, so
I’d rather be with you, my sweet babies.

When you throw tantrums, big and stubborn like your personality, I laugh and cry because you’re cute and naughty, but I remember that this is all shaping who you are and who you will become. Even on the days when my wherewithal has been through it all, still,
I’d rather be with you.

When you make messes that I’ve cleaned up a million times already, and oh the piles of laundry, I recall how empty and vain it was before, and my heart knows that
I’d rather be with you.

When you come running with your ceramic mugs shouting, “Tea! Tea!” as I just sit down to enjoy my only-hot-for-so-long coffee,
I’d rather have it lukewarm and be with you.

When your eyes grow wide with excitement over a big story, and I try to hide my laughter and take you seriously (but I can’t because you’re too funny!), yes,
I’d rather be with you.

You see, the transient things, they come and they go, but you are a priceless gift! Without you I wouldn’t know the true satisfaction, the lasting blessing, the deep joy that comes from dying to self and living for others. You help me to see the gospel more clearly.

When I look into your wonder-filled eyes, when I truly take the time, and realize how much older you look than yesterday, oh my, how
I’d much rather be with you!

So, my little sweethearts, when the world doesn’t welcome you, this one thing I need you to know:
I’d always rather be with you.

Courtney is a homeschooling, stay-at-home-mama of two children. She received her degree in Elementary Education from Moody Bible Institute where she met her husband, Greg, and discovered her passion for teaching children. Together they are pursuing adoption.

Parenting, Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday ~ Parenting: What a Child Wants, What a Child Needs

August 25, 2016August 25, 2016 Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 10, 2014

It’s a funny thing about parenting articles– they’re always written by doctors or psychologists or parents, never by the people being parented: the kids. I mean, think about it, if you were a waitress and you wanted to know how to serve your customers better, would you take advice solely from other waitresses, restaurant managers, and the guys at corporate? Wouldn’t you, at some point, want to hear from the people you actually serve regarding what they want out of a waitress? So how come we never ask our kids what they want out of a parent?

Well, I decided to.

My husband and I have five boys, ages 26, 24, 14, 12, and 11, and one girl, age 18. The two oldest boys are grown and out on their own, so I interviewed the four still living at home: my daughter and the three younger boys. They’re average kids from an average, church-every-Sunday-and-Wednesday, Christian family. My husband and I are imperfect parents who make a ton of mistakes, but we’re doing our best to raise them in “the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

The interview consisted of one question: What advice would you give to parents?

M (18 year old daughter) has spent the year since she graduated from high school teaching pre-schoolers at a Christian day care, so much of her advice is drawn from that experience. She has learned a lot about parenting that will help her to be a great mother some day.

Don’t be scared to discipline your child. Children need discipline, and that’s part of your job as a parent.
Kids are smarter than you think they are. Take the time to work with them.You’ll be amazed at how much they can learn!
Giving in to tantrums will ultimately make parenting more difficult because you’re teaching your child that tantrums work when they want to get their own way about something.
When considering names for your baby, imagine one of your adult friends introducing himself with that name. If the name doesn’t work for an adult, consider another choice. Also be aware of any acronyms or foul words your child’s initials might spell.
Never lie to your children to give them a reason for telling them yes or no about something. (For example: one of my children was constantly begging to go to the park. Her mother finally told her, “No, we can’t go to the park because it’s closed.” Naturally, a few minutes later, they drove by the park and saw plenty of people there. The child said, “I thought it was closed!”)
Before buying your child any DVD, watch it several times to make sure it doesn’t drive you nuts.
No child ever died from a dog licking him in the face.
A little sugar from time to time isn’t going to kill your child.

J1 (14 year old son) just finished eighth grade and isn’t interested in doing anything that taxes his brain during summer break. After we got past, “Mom, you’re the perfect parent! You don’t need any parenting advice from me!” (so he could go back to watching TV), here are the few gems I was able to extract from him:

Teach your kids not to be aggravating to other kids.
Don’t let your kids date too early.
Don’t force foods on your kids that they have either tasted and don’t like or think they won’t like.
Don’t make your kids write your blog articles for you. It’s pretty boring for them!!!

B (12 year old son) is a take charge kind of guy who would have gladly written this article for me (and probably would have done a better job!) He just finished the 6th grade. B says:

Give a thirty minute bed time extension with every birthday. (He calculates this based on a baby from birth to one year having a bed time of 6:00 p.m. A one year old would go to bed at 6:30, a two year old at 7:00, etc.)
Have a large Christmas budget.
Buy your kids go carts.
Take more vacations.
Don’t make things sound better or worse than they actually are. (“Mom, one time I was going to get some shots and you told me it would hurt really bad. I didn’t think it hurt that much.”)
Set a good example for your kids.

J2 (11 year old son) just finished 5th grade and lives life wide open with his hair on fire. He had lots of great 11 year old advice for parents:

Spend more time with your kids.
More bacon. Also, more junk food and cokes.
Let us do good April Fool’s tricks.
Mud fights whenever we want.
Let us run around the house nekkid! (That’s “naked” if you don’t live in the South.)
Don’t make your kids go to school.
Be less demanding and don’t criticize your kids.

Awesome parenting advice, no? Maybe my husband and I should just change all our rules around to fit what the kids want. After all, going back to our waitress analogy, the customer’s always right, right?

Wrong.

The Bible says in Ephesians 6:1 (a verse every child in our family memorizes as a toddler) “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right,” not “parents obey your children.” If we decided to become the parents they wanted, we’d have a bunch of naked, bacon-snarfing, go cart riding, uneducated pranksters who stay up until midnight.

The reason God gave children parents is so that we can exercise the wisdom, experience, and discernment they don’t have but so desperately need. As godly parents, my husband and I must listen to our children and take to heart anything that is wise or biblical (“Set a good example for your children.” “Never lie to your children.”) and say a firm “no” anything that isn’t (large Christmas budgets and living room streaking).

Because God has told us to train our children up in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), not the way they want to go.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AT SATISFACTION THROUGH CHRIST.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Grandparents an Ungodly Influence on My Kids

June 20, 2016June 8, 2019 Michelle Lesley

mailbag

My husband’s family is unsaved and over the years they have encouraged my children to ignore our teachings, rules and God’s word to the point of encouraging and helping them to sneak around. Our oldest son moved out (because he didn’t like our rules) and in with his grandma (who is not saved and we repeatedly asked her not to allow him to live with her) she encourages and allows drinking, pre-marital sex.

I also have two young children. I am struggling with having a relationship with people who have and do tell my children that the Bible is not true, they don’t have to follow the rules at our home and they may live with them so they can live their lives as they please. I don’t know scripturally how respond to this ongoing situation.

I’m so glad you want to handle this situation scripturally. As Christians, we should always go to Scripture first to learn what to do in any circumstance.

We need to start by remembering our heirarchy of responsibility. As Christians, our first responsibility is to love and obey Christ. As Christian wives and moms, our next responsibility is to submit to our husbands’ leadership. Finally, we are responsible for raising our children in a godly way. But we also want to love and honor our extended family, and that can be really difficult when they aren’t saved and have a pagan worldview.

It’s such a comfort to me to know that Jesus knew and addressed the fact that He would be a dividing line between people, sometimes even within families:

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
Matthew 10:34-37 (see also Luke 12:51-53)

But Jesus reminds us that, despite those painful divisions and our love for our family members, our loyalty to Him and His word must come first. It’s important to note that the God who said these words in Matthew and Luke is the same God who said in Exodus 20:12 (the Ten Commandments):

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

I think that might be your dilemma. How do we honor Christ in our home and still honor our parents who stand in opposition to Christ?

Let’s look at a few more passages, again, remembering that our first obligation is to obey God’s word. God has made it incumbent upon parents, particularly fathers, to raise our children to know His word and to walk in His ways:

You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul…You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 11:18a,19

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

Your children also have a responsibility to honor and obey their parents:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Ephesians 6:1

But while you’re raising your children in the ways of the Lord and training them to obey you, you need to make sure you’re not doing things that would make that difficult for them, because doing so will “provoke your children to anger” or “exasperate” them:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

Imagine how difficult it must be for a child – who already wants only to gratify his fleshly desires – to obey mom and dad’s instruction in godliness when mom and dad keep having him spend time with grandparents whom they love and who allow them to gratify those desires of the flesh. It would be difficult for an adult to be obedient in that situation of being pulled both ways, let alone a child.

In order to discover what God would have you do about your relationship with your in-laws, you and your husband will need to discuss what God’s word says about honoring his parents and raising your children in a godly way. Ultimately, as the spiritual leader of your home, the final decision about the relationship your family will have with his parents rests on his shoulders, and you will need to honor and respect his decision. As you prayerfully study God’s word and discuss things, you might find the following questions helpful:

Are our younger children being exasperated or frustrated in their attempts to obey Ephesians 6:1 when we have them spend time with grandparents who are encouraging them to disobey God’s word? Is continually exposing our children to their grandparents’ ungodliness putting a “stumbling block” in front of a weaker person?

Since we know God’s word does not contradict itself, how can we honor our parents (Exodus 20:12) even though they are enemies of Christ (Matthew 10:34-37)? Is there a way we can modify the way we spend time with them and/or the amount of time we spend with them so that we still have a relationship with them, yet minimize or remove the ungodly influence they have on our children? Does honoring our parents require us or our children to spend a particular amount of time with them? Is the situation so extreme that our loyalty to Christ demands that we sever the relationship altogether?

First Corinthians 15:33 says: Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Does it make a difference, biblically, if the “bad company” is relatives? Would we let our children spend time with people like this if they were not related to us?

Am I, individually, and are we, as a family, regularly praying about this situation and praying for my in-laws’ salvation? Are we sharing the gospel with them? Are we trusting God to answer our prayers and work through this situation?

If you have a question about: a well known Christian author/leader, a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected

Parenting, Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday ~ The 10 Commandments of Parenting- 10

January 21, 2016January 21, 2016 Michelle Lesley

Originally published August 14, 2008

10.
Thou shalt love.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
1 John 4:11

Loving our children isn’t something that just happens. It also isn’t just a nice fuzzy feeling. It’s a duty. A responsibility. A command from the lips of God Himself.

“…if God SO loved us…” What does that “so” mean? It’s talking about the way God loves us.

By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:9-10

God loved us enough to do what was best for us even though it cost Him that which He held most dear. He loved us sacrificially and unselfishly.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Even when we were living in outright rebellion against Him and didn’t care that he wanted what was best for us, God loved us.

For whom the LORD loves He reproves; Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:12

God loves His children too much to allow us to continue in our sin, so He disciplines us.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us Ephesians 2:4
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

But, even as God disciplines us, in His mercy he forgives us when we repent of our sin.

The steps of a man are established by the LORD; And He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong; Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand. Psalm 37:23-24

God delights in our obedience to Him and our love for Him. And even when we fall, He’s right there holding our hand and helping us get back up.

He who has clean hands and a pure heart; Who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood; And has not sworn deceitfully. He shall receive a blessing from the LORD; And righteousness from the God of his salvation. Psalm 24:4-5

God rewards and blesses obedience to His word.

Do we love our children the way God loves us? Do we…

love them sacrificially and unselfishly?
love them enough to want what’s best for them?
love them enough tofollow through and do what’s best for them even if they fight us every step of the way?
love them enough to disicipline them?
love them enough to forgive them?
love them by delighting in them?
love them by blessing and rewarding them for doing well?

It’s a huge challenge. Our kids are going to drive us up the wall, rebel, pout, whine, and at times, break our hearts. Just like we do to God. But if He so loved us, we ought also to love our children.