When I was a little girl, around three or four years old, my mother occasionally needed to drop me off at a daycare center so she could run errands or attend to other things you can’t take care of with a pre-schooler in tow.
I hated it.
Even 40+ years later, I remember being terrified. I wasn’t a regular, so I didn’t know any of the other kids or the teachers or the routine or where anything was located. I didn’t want to be there because I didn’t fit in. I wanted to go home. I felt completely uncomfortable the entire time I was there. In fact, I remember crying unconsolably. When would my mom come back and get me out of this God-forsaken place?
Don’t cry. Your mom’s coming back for you soon.
I’m sure some kind teacher whispered that in my ear as she put her arms around me, the same way I’ve whispered it in the ears of children I’ve comforted over the years.
And, finally, Mom would come back, take me away, and everything would be all right.
Today, I still feel like that tiny child sometimes.
There are days when the evil and sadness of this world overwhelm me. When problems in my own life terrify me.
I hate it.
You see, I don’t fit in here. This isn’t my home. I don’t want to be here. And sometimes, I cry inconsolably…
When, Lord? When will you come back and get me out of this God-forsaking place?
And that’s when the kind and precious Holy Spirit wraps the arms of the Word around me and whispers…
Don’t cry. Your Savior’s coming back for you soon.
Soon, little ones. Dry your tears. He’s coming back for us soon.
Out of honor to my mom, I just wanted to say that I totally understand why she had to take me to the daycare from time to time. I would have done the same thing with my child. I’m sure it was a fine daycare with loving teachers. I’m just the kind of person who never outgrew stranger anxiety. This was my brokenness, not anyone else’s unkindness.
Listen in as Dave and I discuss marks of a false teacher, your responsibility to be a careful listener at church, conferences and other events, issues with The Gospel Coalition, LifeWay Women, and Crossway, the importance of the local church, and more!
(I misspoke at the 30:01 mark. When I said, “The Gospel Coalition is less progressive…” I meant to say “LifeWay Women is less progressive…”)
Be sure to check out Dave’s website, Servants of Grace, where you’ll find an abundance of great teaching, podcasts, and materials, as well as his social media links- and give Dave a follow!
Articles / resources mentioned or touched on in the episode:
Got a podcast of your own or have a podcasting friend who needs a guest? Need a speaker for a women’s conference or church event? Click the “Speaking Engagements” tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, drop me an e-mail, and let’s chat!
Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. Proverbs 26:5
There’s a lot of foolishness masquerading as Christianity these days. Occasionally, I get e-mails and messages showcasing this type of foolishness. It needs to be biblically corrected so these folks can stop “being wise in their own eyes,” repent, and believe and practice the truth of Scripture. From time to time, I share those e-mails in The Mailbag with a biblical corrective, not only so the e-mail writer can be admonished by Scripture, but to provide you with Scriptures and reasoning you can use if you’re ever confronted with this kind of foolishness.
To answer a fool according to his folly (or in the case of most of the foolishness addressed to me – a professing Christian acting the fool by spouting unbiblical folly) is to stand toe to toe with him and firmly and biblically address his unbiblical foolishness without backing down or letting him run roughshod over you – sometimes even mirroring his own words back to him to help him see his hypocrisy. Some Christians think holding your ground, refusing to compromise on biblical truth, and offering correction in this way is unkind or unloving. It is not. Not if you’re going by the Bible’s definition of love rather than the world’s definition (“be nice” “accept everything” “don’t confront”), and not when you’re dealing with a pridefully stubborn person. One of the most unloving things a Christian can do is to see a professing brother or sister in biblical error and ignore it rather than trying to help that person see the truth of God’s Word. Jesus, Paul, Peter, Jude, John, Jeremiah, Isaiah, and many others, did this plenty of times in Scripture, and, often, much more stringently that I and other 21st century Christians do. Sometimes love – real, biblical love – has to be tough in order to reach someone’s heart.
You can read more in the “Answering a Fool” series here.
If you’re on pretty much any form of social media, you know foolishness abounds. Such was the case, recently on X (the artist formerly known as Twitter). But it gave me some great teaching and evangelism opportunities.
I’d like everyone to be aware of the fact that these people were commenting and leveling these accusations against me on my own post. I’ve made it a practice not go on to other people’s posts (especially those I don’t follow) and comment to them in this manner.
Immediately below is my post (it’s clickable if you’d like to read more), followed by three different comments on my post and my responses (with some modifications) to each of them.
I honestly don't care that you're an expert in eschatology, and you read the Puritans, and you're a Sabbatarian, and an abolitionist, and patriarchal, and you can argue all the finer points of theology- if those things don't form Christlike *character* in you, they're worthless.
Thomas, my friend, that is a foolish and unbiblical way of responding to my statement, but it does provide a great opportunity for a teaching moment.
1. I did not address the idea of perfection in my comment. I didn’t say anyone is or isn’t, should or shouldn’t be, can or can’t be perfect. Perfection was not the topic, so your response makes no sense.
2. This response is virtue signaling. It’s meant to demonstrate that you are more virtuous than I am. That’s a form of pride.
3. This response is meant to shame me when I have said nothing unbiblical or worthy of shaming. I don’t know if you’re a Believer or not, but if you are, that’s not only unbiblical, but very unloving toward a sister in Christ.
4. The topic I was addressing in my comment was unChristlike character. Your response was basically, “You’re not perfect so you can’t address unbiblical behavior.” As you said, no one but Jesus is perfect. So I guess that means no Christian can ever address any issue of sin because no Christian is perfect? That’s certainly not a biblical idea.
5. If no one is perfect and therefore I shouldn’t be addressing unbiblical behavior, why are you addressing what you feel to be my unbiblical behavior by responding this way to me? Are you perfect and therefore allowed to call my comment into question?
6. Your X bio proclaims you to be “just another voice in the wilderness.” That’s an allusion to John the Baptist. He called out a lot of sin and called a lot of people to repentance – much more stringently than I did in my comment. Was he perfect, or only Jesus? Perhaps he shouldn’t have rebuked Herod’s sin of adultery since he was not perfect himself. (You might want to study up on John the Baptist a little more.)
7. Would you have responded the same way if I were remarking on any other sin? What if I had made a negative remark about bank robbery or child abuse? Would you have responded, “Jesus is perfect, we are not, unless you are?”.
Or is it that I can only say that something is unbiblical or wrong if you agree it’s unbiblical or wrong, or that the world generally agrees is wrong? If that’s the case, you or society have just become my authority on right and wrong rather than Scripture.
So thank you, Thomas, for giving us this example of an unbiblical response and giving me the opportunity to make it a teaching moment. I hope it’s been edifying and helpful to you.
Your comment is an extraordinary thing to say. You don’t strike me as someone who has the authority to assess me or whether or not I have the authority to assess anyone/anything else. You don’t follow me and this is the first time, to my recollection, that we’ve ever interacted, so where did you get the authority you feel gives you the right to assess me?
Your authority to assess me is called into question even further by your lack of reading comprehension skills. My comment was not, by any stretch of the imagination, an assessment of the Puritans or how valuable reading them might be. It was an assessment of people who, despite reading the Puritans (plus the other things I mentioned), lack Christlike character. I would encourage you to go back to my OP and read slowly and carefully for understanding.
Goner’s response was to call me prideful, belligerent, and “arrogance personified”. That’s the type of childish, unsubstantial response you can expect when you point out someone’s hypocrisy and/or that he is wrong about something. Rather than manning up, owning it, and apologizing, he will turn around like an eight year old and call you a doody-head because he knows what you’re saying is right. He doesn’t like that you’re right, and he wants to defend himself, but he hasn’t a leg to stand on, so this is what he’s reduced to. I’m embarrassed for grown adults with jobs and driver’s licenses who act this way. It’s one of the reasons I usually ignore comments like the ones I’m sharing today.
A) You’re assuming facts not in evidence.
B) If “ALL” the Christians you know genuinely think they’re better than everybody else, then you might know some people who claim to be Christians, but you don’t know any who actually are Christians.
However, it’s been my experience that people like you assume Christians think they’re better than everybody else, when, in reality we think nothing of the sort.
What’s actually happening in that situation is that because the Holy Spirit abides in that Christian, you’re feeling Him, in all His holiness, convicting you of your sins so that you can repent and believe the gospel.
You don’t like that feeling, so you deflect it by sublimating your feelings of guilt and conviction into an assumption that that Christian thinks he’s better than you.
This allows you to – arrogantly – feel superior to him, and that feeling of superiority dulls the guilt and conviction you’re feeling, so you feel better.
That is what’s actually happening.
I suspect that’s what’s going on in your heart right now, leading you to make this comment. So, striking while the iron is hot, let me take this opportunity to encourage you to carefully and prayerfully consider the materials and Scriptures here, and repent and believe the gospel.
I haven’t heard back from Tony yet, and maybe I won’t, but unless he actually responds to the conviction of the Holy Spirit in repentance and faith in Christ, my guess is that he’ll respond kind of like Goner did, because…
The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.
1 Corinthians 2:14
And at that point, I’m obligated to discontinue the discourse out of obedience to Scripture:
Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.
Matthew 7:6
This social media generation (myself included – often) has failed to wisely distinguish between answering a fool according to his folly and the fact that you cannot argue a blind man into seeing. Let’s allow these two passages remind us of that and inform, guard, and guide our interactions online.
If you’d like to follow me on social media (as long as it’s not to argue!), click the Contact and Social Media tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
How would you like a completely voluntary position that you can work at as much or as little as you like? It pays nothing, but has the potential to help your brothers and sisters in Christ, hone your discernment skills, and is a more constructive way of spending your spare time than watching TV or playing games on your phone.
“Sign me up!” right?
I’m so glad to hear you say that!
I know y’all want me to write more discernment articles on problematic teachers. Believe me, I want to write them. But discernment articles require a lot of research and that takes a lot of time. And with everything I’ve got on my plate, I just don’t have the time I need to invest in the research I need to do to write the articles you want to read.
I need some research assistants. And that’s where you come in.
Every now and then, as I’m working on a discernment article, I’ll ask interested subscribers to my blog only to help me research the teacher or organization I’m gathering information on. I’ll give you specific instructions about what I’m looking for. If you have a little spare time and you’re interested, you can participate. If not, simply ignore the research request. No big whoop.
The thing is, you must be a subscriber to my blog to participate. The research requests will not be accessible to the public or on social media. They will only be accessible to those who subscribe to my blog via email.
How to sign up? If you already subscribe to my blog via email, you’re all set. You don’t need to do anything. If not, all you have to do is subscribe to my blog:
Scroll down to the end of this article. You should see something like this:
Fill in your email address, click “subscribe,” follow the instructions to confirm your subscription, and then wait for me to send out a research request. (Be patient. It may not come for days, weeks, or months from the time you subscribe.)
If you have any difficulties subscribing, my best advice is to: a) try subscribing on a different device, and/or b) ask a tech savvy friend who is there with you to help out.
Subscribers will receive all of my blog posts via email, not just the research requests, but only subscribers will receive the research requests.
Any questions? Leave a comment below. Looking forward to working with you, team!
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
My oldest daughter is turning 12 this week, and I see a lot of heart issues in her that I would like to help her with. She is a triplet, and also has three younger siblings, and I think she feels like she doesn’t get as much attention from me because of the neediness of the other children, which has turned into bitterness and disrespectful attitudes in her. Is there a book that you know of that I could take her through that would help us both with these things? Really, anything directed at her age discussing how to be a godly older sister. I want to be a good mom for her, raising her to be a kind and loving older sister, but I feel like I am failing.
Being a mom is pretty challenging, and we all have moments and seasons when we feel like we’re failing. Ask the best, most godly mom you know, and I’m sure she’ll agree. Sometimes, it’s because we have failed, which means we need to repent – to God and to our children – and obey Him. But often, we take those feelings of failure upon ourselves when we’re truly doing our best, and/or when the situation is unavoidable or isn’t our fault.
Let me give you a few resources that may help…
First, you’ll want to get your own heart and mind in order – according to Scripture – about your feelings of failure. Check out my article: Guilt and Shame- Burden or Blessing?
Your daughter is the perfect age for the two of you to study the Bible together. If she’s not yet a Believer, you’ll want to explain the gospel to her. If she is a Believer, study through a book of the Bible together. The Bible is a book, it’s directed at her age, and it addresses all of the things you’ve mentioned both textually and transformatively. (If I may be a little blunt: your daughter needs godly parenting from the best people for the job – you and your husband – and either salvation or sanctification by the Holy Spirit more than she needs to read a book written by someone else.) If you’d like, the two of you might also enjoy working through my Bible study Imperishable Beauty: A Study of Biblical Womanhood. Studying Scripture together will also help address the issue of her feeling like she’s not getting enough attention from you.
And don’t forget to pray for your daughter on your own, with your husband, and with her. Prayer is also transformative. It will help you, your husband, and your daughter get on the same page with God.
Finally, let your church be the resource for you that God wants it to be. This is a textbook Titus 2:3-5 situation. Find a godly older woman in your church or in your family, and ask for her help and guidance. If you don’t know anyone like that, set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel and ask him to point you in the direction of a godly older woman who can disciple you through this.
Although doctrinally sound books can sometimes be helpful, the means and methods God has prescribed in Scripture – the Word, prayer, and the church – should always be our “Plan A”.
I’m 19 years of age and I’m currently at war with my parents because I told them I wanted to start wearing pants. They believe my salvation is not real because I’m going against Deuteronomy 22:5…..And it has made me so confused about my stand with God. Am I really sinning against God or am I misunderstanding something?
I think there’s definitely some misunderstanding and some sin going on here, but maybe not like you might be thinking. Let’s sort it out according to Scripture.
In and of itself, it is not a sin for a Christian woman to wear modest women’s pants. If your parents genuinely think you’re not saved solely because you want to wear modest women’s pants, then they are misunderstanding Deuteronomy 22:5 (and possibly the New Testament concept of Christians being under the covenant of grace rather than the Mosaic covenant). I’ve explained all of this in detail in my article The Mailbag: May Christian Women Wear Pants?.
However there aresins being committed in this situation that you may not have considered. If you’re “at war” with your parents about this or any other issue of adiaphora/Christian liberty, you’re probably committing the sins of pride, dishonoring/disobeying your parents, failing to live at peace with them so far as you’re able, and failing to bear with their weakness in this area. (Your parents may also be committing some of these sins as well as provoking you to anger, but you can only control whether or not you’re sinning, and how you react to their sins.) I would encourage you to study the Scriptures I’ve linked here, ask God to humble you and help you understand whether or not you’ve sinned in any of these areas, and, if you have, repent – to God and to your parents.
Now, there is one more dynamic at play here: It doesn’t sound like you’re married, so are you still living under your parents’ roof and/or financial support (e.g. You live in a dorm or apartment they’re paying for, they’re paying for your education, etc.) or are you living on your own and supporting yourself? Those are two different kettles of fish.
Your parents have the right to make the rules for their house, and they have the right to decide what they will and won’t support financially, even if those rules and conditions seem wrong, ridiculous, or unfair to you. At nineteen, you are an adult, and you have the right to decide whether you want to live under those rules in their house, and whether you want to abide by the conditions under which they will financially support you. It’s just a question of which is more important to you at this point in your life – housing and financial support or wearing pants. If you want to live at their house and/or receive their money, you need to humble yourself and abide by their rules without complaining. If you want to wear pants, you need to move out and pay your own way.
A few final thoughts:
If you’re still living at home or receiving financial support from your parents, you can lovingly and humbly ask if they might be open to the compromise of you wearing split skirts or palazzo pants / skirts. Go into this conversation prepared to graciously accept an answer of “no”.
Give 1 Peter 3:1-6 a good study. This passage is not about the parent-child relationship, but about Christian wives softening their unsaved husbands’ hearts to the gospel by their godly, submissive behavior. Are there any principles you can glean from this passage that can be applied to your relationship with your parents as you submit to their authority in their home and under their financial support?
When you do move out and support yourself, you’re free to wear modest women’s pants whenever you like, but Scripture doesn’t allow us to exercise our Christian liberties in ways that unnecessarily offend others. In other words, when you go visit your parents, put on a skirt.
I am curious as to why Kenneth Copeland and Rhema Bible College [founded by Kenneth Hagin] are NOT on your list of false teachers. Thank you for your ministry but I believe these are important ones to highlight as well.
I agree, the two Kenneths are/were rank heretics, and Rhema “Bible” College knows nothing of the Bible. No one should have anything to do with any of them.
Here’s why they (and a number of other blatant heretics) are not listed at my Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page). Let’s start with an excerpt from that page that perhaps you didn’t see:
Please understand that this isnot a comprehensive list of every false teacher inexistence (there are thousands of them, so that would be impossible)… I provide information here largely in answer to questions from my readers. In other words, if you don’t see it, it’s either because I haven’t been asked about it, or I haven’t had time to get to it yet. The names you see are simply some of the most well-known teachers my readers have inquired about.
Generally speaking, my audience consists mostly of Christian women in passable to vibrantly doctrinally sound churches. They’re not asking me if the Kenneths are false teachers; they can watch or listen to five minutes of either of those guys and know.
Women who are so undiscerning that they’re following these guys are almost certainly not saved (and aren’t following me). What they need is to repent and believe the gospel, or they’re neither going to understand why, nor believe that the Kenneths are heretics, and, like the pigs and dogs they are, spiritually speaking, they’re going to turn and attack me for trying to convince them
There are tens of thousands of false teachers out there. I am one person with a husband, family, church responsibilities, friends, a podcast, speaking engagements, and other topics I have to blog about. I have to spend my time, not on the obvious false teachers, but on the more subtle ones my readers are actually asking about.
I have also attempted to help out readers who don’t find the false teacher they’re looking for on the list (again, from my Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends page):
In this article, you’ll not only learn how to research teachers for yourself (a skill every Christian should develop), you’ll also find a list of trustworthy discernment ministries who may have the information you’re looking for.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
