“Why can’t You just give me this so I don’t have to ask anymore?”
I know. It sounds like a pretty spiritually immature thing to pray. But to be honest, I was weary of taking this ongoing problem to the Lord every time it reared its ugly head. Why couldn’t He just fix it permanently so I didn’t have to deal with it anymore?
Because I don’t like dealing with problems. They make me uncomfortable. I don’t like being uncomfortable. I’d rather God would just make the problems go away and then everything would be blue skies and rainbows for me all the time. Just the way I like it.
Even the most liberal Liberal has heard a story or two about the welfare system that made him raise an eyebrow. As a radical, right-wing, uptight, Bible-thumping, evangelical Conservative, I’ll admit I’ve groused about the problems with the system a time or two. I think one of the things that tends to bother most people about some of the stories we hear is the sense of entitlement a few (certainly not all) welfare recipients can develop. It’s as though they are owed a nice lifestyle without having to lift a finger. They take what they receive for granted, and whatever they are given is never enough. They always want more. Nicer. Better. No gratitude, just gimme.
Hmmm… That hits uncomfortably close to home.
You see, I’m living in God’s welfare system.
When was the last time I had to ask God for air to breathe? Or to make my heart beat? Or for clean water to drink, bathe, and do laundry in? Or food for my table?
When was the last time I even thought about the fact that I can think clearly enough to thank Him that I don’t have a psychiatric disorder or a brain injury? How often do I get down on my knees and praise God that I can get back up again? I can walk. I can talk. I can see. I can hear.
God has blessed my family with six beautiful, healthy children, four of whom I was able to conceive, carry, and bear, relatively complication free.
I have a wonderful, godly husband and great father to my children who isn’t a drug addict or a gambling addict, or an alcoholic, or a workaholic, or unfaithful or abusive to me. We live in a nice house, on a nice street, in a nice safe neighborhood.
God has blessed me with an extended family as well as a church family who both love me in spite of my numerous faults. He’s even given me the humbling honor of being able to serve Him in ministry.
But I always want more. Nicer. Better. No gratitude, just gimme.
God has blessed me so much. But I always want more. Nicer. Better. No gratitude, just gimme.
Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 that God gave him a thorn in the flesh to keep him from exalting himself. Frequently our focus in that passage is on speculating as to what, exactly, the “thorn” was. We fail to notice in the next verse that that thorn kept Paul coming back to the Lord, crying out to Him again and again. And that’s right where Paul needed to be.
Sometimes that’s one of the purposes of our problems. God has blessed us with so many things we can forget we need Him. Until there’s a problem. And that problem can drive us back to crying out to Him in dependence in a way that no blessing ever could.
So maybe it’s time for a little welfare check:
1. Have you thanked God lately –really thanked Him- for all the blessings we tend to take for granted – food, clothing, freedom, a vehicle, etc.? Do you live as though God owes you these things?
2. In what ways do problems tend to drive you towards, or away from, God?
3. What does your prayer life look like when everything is going well in your life? When problems arise? How can you apply Philippians 4:6 in your prayer life?
Listen in as Dave and I discuss the Beveres’ false doctrine and the way they twist Scripture on these issues, what the Bible really teaches, and more! Even if you don’t follow the Beveres, many other false teachers share the same beliefs, so you’ll want to give this a listen to educate yourself on the falsehoods flying around out there and equip yourself to help your friends and loved ones who believe them.
Be sure to check out Dave’s website, Servants of Grace, where you’ll find an abundance of great teaching, podcasts, and materials, as well as his social media links- and give Dave a follow!
Articles / resources mentioned or touched on in the episode:
Got a podcast of your own or have a podcasting friend who needs a guest? Need a speaker for a women’s conference or church event? Click the “Speaking Engagements” tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, drop me an e-mail, and let’s chat!
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
Dear Leslie,
Hi there! I’m so glad you’ve dropped me an email or social media comment or message. I love all to pieces those of you who make this mistake, but just so you’ll know, my first name is not “Leslie”. In fact, I have four names, a first name, middle name, maiden name, and married name, and none of those names are “Leslie”.
My name is:
Michelle Lesley
Michelle is my first1 name. Two “L’s”. Lesley is my last name. It ends with an -ey, not an -ie.
Like I said, if you’ve ever made the mistake of addressing me in writing by my first name as “Leslie,” no worries! I’m certainly not mad or upset, just amused and, after so many years of this happening, dying of curiosity. My name is clearly and prominently stated on my blog, my Facebook and X pages, and in my email address. I can kinda understand misspelling my last name with an “-ie,” but I’m not sure how some people think my last name is my first name. (It can’t be autocorrect. Autocorrect only “corrects” misspelled words, it doesn’t flip flop them, and it’s not going to autocorrect “Michelle” to “Leslie”. Right? I mean, autocorrect isn’t that bad, is it?)
Help me solve this mystery, readers, and you’ll have my undying gratitude!😀
In the meantime, I’ll just be sitting over here, thankful that I didn’t marry the first guy I was engaged to, whose last name was Stanley.😳 (Y’all wouldn’t really call me “Stanley” as my first name, would you?😂)
1Technically, Michelle is my middle name. I have always gone by my middle name, mostly because very few people can pronounce or spell my first name without being taught. No, I’m not going to say what it is, because I’m trying to quash confusion here, not create more, and one more name would just create more confusion.
(From Michelle: This reader’s lengthy email has been extensively edited and summarized. Suffice it to say, the summary does not do justice to the detailed description of egregious events she sent me.)
My husband and I have been living apart and separated for the past 10 years. During the first three years of our marriage, he committed adultery multiple times with multiple women (even fathering a child with one woman), was physically abusive, and would not hold a job, so that I had to support our family.
My country does not allow divorce, only annulment, which costs $5000. Neither I, nor my estranged husband can afford this, however he has moved on and married again due to becoming a Muslim (Islam allows multiple wives). I want to move on with my life, too, but how?
I want to be right with God. I am a new Christian and I don’t have a permanent church yet, or I would talk to my own pastor. I have tried to reach out to other pastors. Some, I’ve been unable to meet with because I’m not a member of their church. Others tell me I cannot get a divorce and that there are no biblical grounds for divorce or annulment (most churches in my country take the permanence view of marriage).
Do I have biblical grounds to file for divorce/annulment? Can I remarry?
Honey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this terrible situation. I know it must be very difficult.
Let me start by saying that, first, I’m not crazy about the concept of annulment after several years of marriage, because an annulment is basically a declaration that the marriage never took place. And after three years and having a child together, that’s a hard argument to make. A marriage did take place, it was just a really bad one. Additionally, I don’t know how your country defines and applies it, so I’m mainly going to stick to divorce, here.
Second, to provide context for the rest of my answer, I do not hold to the permanence view. Scripture makes clear that divorce is permissible (not required, and certainly not preferable to reconciliation if that’s at all possible, but permissible) but for Christians in the case of adultery or abandonment, and it sounds like your husband is profusely guilty of both.
So, yes, you have biblical grounds for divorce, but your country doesn’t permit it, so that’s a moot point in your situation. You can save up for an annulment, but it would only be biblical to apply for one if you can honestly meet one or more of your country’s requirements. If there’s a legal possibility of going to another country to obtain a divorce, you can also explore that option. But, from the way you’ve described your situation to me, it sounds like you’re pretty much relegated to living out the permanence view whether you like it, or agree with it, or not. And that means no, until your husband dies or you find some legal and biblical means to a divorce, you may not remarry.
I know that’s bad news that you don’t really want to hear, and I sympathize that it’s a bitter pill to swallow. But I would encourage you to do a few things in this undesirable situation:
○ Give 1 Corinthians 7, particularly verse 17 through the end of the chapter, a good study. It was written for people in similar situations to yours: new Believers married to unbelievers. Notice Paul’s reassurance that “blooming where God planted you,” so to speak, is OK, and consider your situation in light of that.
Brothers, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called.
1 Corinthians 7:24
God knew all about your husband and your marriage before He saved you, and He knows your circumstances now, because He’s the one who has you there. He may or may not change those circumstances. All you have to do is get up every day and walk in obedience to Him that day.
○ Study Philippians 4, particularly the part about contentment. We all have to learn how to be content in whatever circumstances God places us in.
○ Pray. Ask God to resolve this situation for His glory and your good. Ask Him to help you be obedient to Him in the meantime. Thank Him for the work He is doing in your heart through this situation to grow you in Christ. Pray for your husband. Ask your brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for you.
While you’re doing all of that, the most important thing you can do is to find a doctrinally sound local church to join. Meet with your pastor and get some godly counsel from him. Perhaps he can even point you to a godly older woman in your church who has been through something similar who can disciple you through this.
We all face circumstances that are difficult and unpleasant, but God uses those things to sanctify us.
I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I am one who used to believe that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and had children. Can we know for certain that is false? Why would that be a bad thing? Maybe it was meant to be kept out of the Bible for protection of the lineage? I don’t mean any disrespect to Jesus for the questioning more for my own closure.
Hey, we all used to believe things that we look back in embarrassment on now. But there’s no need to be embarrassed about that any more than we should be embarrassed that we wore diapers or drank from a bottle when we were babies. Nobody is born mature, and nobody is born again spiritually mature with all her theological ducks in a row. And that’s a blessing, because if you were, you wouldn’t be able to look back over your life and see how much the Lord has grown you!
If someone came to me and tried to argue that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and had children, I would ask her to show me where – chapter and verse of black and white, written on the page Scripture – the Bible says that. I would encourage you to try that on yourself. Search the Scriptures forward, backward, and upside down. You’re not going to find it. It wasn’t kept out of the Bible to protect Jesus’ lineage, rather, it wasn’t put in the Bible in the first place because it didn’t happen.
This fairytale is called an “argument from silence”. Scripture doesn’t explicitly say Jesus and Mary M. weren’t married (probably because it never entered the gospel authors’ minds that anybody would ever come up with that dumb of a lie) so the overactive, addled imagination of some heretic somewhere came up with the idea and tried to cram it in between the lines. Following that line of logic, how do we know Jesus didn’t have any Martians as disciples? How do we know the Israelites didn’t eat pizza in the wilderness? How do we know Noah didn’t have a Jacuzzi on the ark? This is not how Christians handle Scripture. This is how scoffers and mockers handle Scripture.
But this is an especially ridiculous (not you, but whoever came up with it) idea because it’s about Jesus. Just off the top of my head:
The Bible isn’t going to leave out that major of a detail about Jesus’ life. That would be equivalent to God lying to those of us who weren’t there to see for ourselves whether or not He was married.
Being married would have interfered with and been a distraction from Jesus’ ministry. He would have had to work to support His family, spend time with them, and train His children. Jesus was an itinerant evangelist. He didn’t have a job. He didn’t even have a home. His ministry took up all His time. None of that is conducive to having a wife and children, especially with Old Testament teachings and cultural expectations for husbands and fathers. Besides, 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 says:
One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests have been divided.
Jesus was famous. Tens of thousands of people observed Him during His life. Among that many people, you can’t possibly keep a secret as big as a marriage and children.
Aside from the fact that it’s nowhere even hinted at in the gospels, none of the authors of Scripture mention it in any of the other books of the New Testament. Marriage and fatherhood are taught extensively in the New Testament. If Jesus had been a husband and father, why wouldn’t the New Testament authors have pointed to Him as the perfect example of both? They certainly point to Him plenty of times as our perfect example of other things.
No credible extra-biblical historical works, letters, or other materials mention Jesus being married and having children.
It would not have been sinful for Jesus to have been married with children if that had been God’s plan for Him. But Jesus had a lot of work to do in a short amount of time. He didn’t need the added distraction and responsibility of being a husband and father. What’s sinful here is for someone to lie about Jesus being married and having children, or to repeat the lie to others and confuse them. I’m sorry someone did that to you.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
You’ve heard the old adage: “forbidden fruit is sweeter.” When people use this phrase, what they mean is that if you tell someone he can’t have or do something, he’s going to want to have or do it all the more just because it’s forbidden.
I heard this little cliché several times last week on blogs, on Facebook, in discussion groups, etc., in reference to the deluge (yes, I contributed to it) of Christian blog and press articles decrying the movie Fifty Shades of Grey, and discouraging Christians from attending. Apparently – and I can see where they’re coming from, a little, I guess – some folks felt that the strong, repetitive, and biblical stand against Fifty Shades turned it into a piece of forbidden fruit that a) actually informed Christians (who would have been otherwise oblivious) that this movie even existed (Really? People are tech savvy enough to be on Facebook, Twitter, and blogs, but they were completely unaware of this movie? Ok, I suppose it’s possible.) and b) made Christians want to go see the movie because of its verboten status. The implication was that, if Christians went to see this movie, it was the fault – at least in part – of Christian writers who had warned against it.
Seems reasonable, right?
Until, that is, you start looking at this line of thinking a little more closely through the lens of Scripture.
Pop quiz: What does the phrase “forbidden fruit” allude to? a) prunes b) Snow White’s poisoned apple c) the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in Eden
Please tell me you answered “c,” because, if you didn’t, I might have to sit down and cry. When God put Adam in the Garden way back in Genesis 2, He said, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” (2:16-17) Fruit. Forbidden. Boom.
Notice that God is the One who forbade Adam from eating this fruit. God’s way, throughout the entirety of Scripture, is to warn the people He loves of the dangers and consequences of sin, not to remain silent and keep His fingers crossed that they don’t stumble into a pit. God didn’t stick the tree in the middle of the Garden and say to Himself, “Gee I hope Adam doesn’t notice this tree and eat from it, but I’m not going to mention it to him because I’m scared that I’ll make him aware that it exists, and that he’ll want to eat from it just because I said he can’t.” Uh uh. God pointed it out and said, “No.”
God’s way, throughout the entirety of Scripture, is to warn the people He loves of the dangers and consequences of sin, not to remain silent and keep His fingers crossed that they don’t stumble into a pit.
And let’s take a gander at something else in this story. What caused Adam and Eve to eat from the tree? Was it God telling Adam not to eat from it? No. If that was all it took, why don’t we find Adam eating the fruit immediately after God told him not to? Why didn’t Eve immediately eat from the tree upon learning from Adam of God’s prohibition against it?
Because the warning is not what led them to sin.
We don’t see Eve lay a finger on that fruit until Satan enters the picture. He tempted her, and she gave in to sin.
It wasn’t God’s fault for putting the tree there. It wasn’t God’s fault for warning them. It was Adam’s fault and Eve’s fault for being disobedient.
And giving in to sin is still our fault today. If you went to see Fifty Shades of Grey, it’s not God’s fault for allowing the movie to exist. It’s not some Christian blogger’s fault for making you aware of the movie or warning you not to see it. It’s your fault. You were tempted. You gave in to sin. (The good news is that if you will repent, God will graciously forgive you.)
As Christians we are to be imitators of God. “Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.” (1 John 2:6) That means that when we see sin that could easily ensnare our brothers and sisters, we don’t turn our heads. We don’t mind our own business. We don’t keep our mouths shut to be polite. We do the same thing God did time after time in the Bible. We run into the fray to rescue those we love.
When we see sin that could easily ensnare our brothers and sisters, we don’t turn our heads. We don’t mind our own business. We don’t keep our mouths shut to be polite. We run into the fray to rescue those we love.
I want to handle a situation biblically. I am on my church’s mission committee. We have been asked to support [a parachurch missions organization, henceforth, “PMO”]. Several members of the committee have voiced concerns over the PMO’s position on CRT [Critical Race Theory] and LQBTQ issues. We have provided evidence in the form of video and internal PMO documents. We voted not to support this PMO, but after the meeting, the elder who oversees our committee emailed and said we can only voice issues if we have evidence from the PMO’s public website, and he has scheduled a meeting for us to listen to the PMO’s representatives share their ministry because he believes we are misrepresenting it. I do not want to attend this meeting. I am not even sure if I should continue serving on the committee. He only gave us 24 hours notice of the meeting. How should I respond?
(I have redacted the name of this particular PMO because the reader’s question is about how to handle this situation, not about the PMO itself, and because my answer could apply to any number of demonstrably false teachers or organizations. To name this well known organization would require me to provide and explain the voluminous evidence that this PMO does, indeed, vehemently endorse CRT (watch the video series linked above) and is becoming increasingly unbiblical in their position on perversion. I plan to deal with that in another article about this particular PMO at some point, but dealing with it here would make this article much too long and involved.)
I know that’s a difficult spot to be in, and, having been in similar situations myself, I certainly sympathize.
If you’re married, and your husband is a Christian, the first thing you should do (which you probably have done, I just like to begin at the beginning :0) is to thoroughly discuss this with your husband and find out what he wants you to do, and do that.
Hebrews 13:17a says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account.” This elder is not doing his Titus 1:9, 3:10-11 duty to keep watch over the souls of his flock. He is harming them and calling some of them (the discerning committee members) liars. And he will have to give an account of all of that to God. You discerning committee members are actually God’s grace to him to protect him from this sin and subsequent judgment, and he apparently doesn’t realize or appreciate that.
He’s got several credible, doctrinally sound committee members coming to him, warning him about a legitimate biblical issue, and he’s basically telling them they’re wrong in favor of letting the serpents come into the church and further deceive him and the other, less discerning, members of the committee.
The point of this is for the members of the committee to be swayed to support him and the PMO because this is what he wants. He wants to support the PMO. If they’re doing the things you and the other concerned committee members say they’re doing (and they are – there’s plenty of reputable evidence out there to prove it, including what you found), does he really think the representatives are going to admit to it when they visit? Of course not. They’re going to speak, softly, gently, and lovingly. They’re going to be personable and witty. They’re going to give all the right biblical answers. They’re going to say whatever they think this elder wants to hear so he’ll side with them and give them the church’s money.
Something Amy and I have discussed several times on the podcast is this dynamic of sensuality (in the classical sense of the word: “appealing to the senses” of sight, hearing, etc.). It’s exactly what Satan did in the Garden to convince Eve to eat the fruit (see the section on Genesis 3, here). He smooth talked her and appealed to her senses – her feelings – which she followed over her reason: that which she already knew with her brain that God had commanded. (Sensuality is why, for example, it’s easier to be objective about whether or not the lyrics of a worship song are biblical when you read the lyrics from a piece of paper rather than listening to the song. The music appeals to your sense of hearing and your emotions, which can override your rational, objective reasoning.)
That’s why – whether he realizes it or not – your elder is bringing these people in to meet with you in person. It’s a lot easier to appeal to people’s senses and feelings face to face and with your sincere tone of voice and sparkling personality than it is to sway them with facts on a piece of paper.
I really hate to say these things about your elder, but either he’s being underhanded, or he’s well intentioned, yet incredibly gullible and undiscerning. (In fact, he may be allowing his feelings of sentimentality for this PMO to sway him even though he can clearly see the evidence that their beliefs and practices contradict Scripture.)
Either way, assuming this is his general state instead of this being a one time slip up, both of these things are disqualifying (see the qualifications for elders in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9). One of the requirements for elders in the Titus 1 passage is in verse 9:
He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.
He’s not “rebuking those who contradict” sound doctrine (the PMO), he’s being a corrupt gatekeeper and welcoming the wolves into his sheepfold. If he doesn’t repent, especially if this is a pattern for him, he has disqualified himself from eldership.
An additional issue is – what in the world is going on here with your church’s polity? Your committee voted not to fund this PMO and this elder singlehandedly overrules the committee? Why does the committee even exist? Is it just supposed to be a rubber stamp for whatever any particular elder wants? That’s not biblical.
Furthermore, why is he so locked in on this particular PMO? There are dozens of doctrinally sound missions organizations out there that your church could support and that your committee and your elder could probably unanimously agree on. Why does it have to be this PMO? (My guess: He worked for them in the past or has some sort of personal connection to them, ergo, the sentimentality, or there’s somebody he knows who works for this PMO that he wants to support using the church’s finances. This could be a conflict of interest.)
What I would do is to go to the meeting with my phone in hand, voice memo app open, and let it be known that you’re going to be recording the meeting so you can listen to it again later to make sure you haven’t misunderstood or missed anything. Do not try to hide the fact that you’re recording it. That makes you look sneaky and deceptive, plus, you have nothing to hide. You’re not doing anything wrong. This is just an electronic form of taking notes. Additionally, if you’re told, by the elder or the PMO representatives, that you can’t record the meeting, that speaks volumes about their motives.
After the meeting, the discerning members of the committee should go back to the elder and talk to him again. (You might want to really emphasize my point above that if the PMO were guilty of doing these things, they wouldn’t admit it.). If he digs his heels in and your church hierarchy has another elder or head pastor above him in the chain of command, make an appointment with him, take your whole group, and express your concerns to him. Go as far up the chain of command as you can until you get to the top or until somebody listens and deals with this elder.
If the elder is at the top of the chain of command, and supporting false teachers/doctrine is typical of the way he operates, and he doesn’t repent, you need to find out what your church’s protocol is for initiating church discipline with an elder and the discerning male members of the committee, your husband, and/or other appropriate men should initiate it. If there is no protocol and he can’t be removed and doesn’t repent, I’d go ahead and find a new church. But until you do (or if you decide to stay at this church despite this issue), explore your church’s options for designating your offerings so your money doesn’t go to support this PMO.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
