Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
Hey just curious why when I click on Sean Feucht it just sends me to a Justin Peters video on him from 2 months ago? Is that a glitch?
It’s not a glitch. The link is taking you right where I meant for it to take you. I’m not sure if you’re asking because you expected all of the links to go an article I had written or if there was another reason, but not all of the links on that page go to an article I wrote.
The main reason for this is that I usually don’t have on hand the 10-20ish hours it takes to write a thorough discernment article on everybody. But I know y’all need information on these teachers now, so if I come across a good resource from someone else, I’ll go ahead and link it up for you. Also, most of those outside resources I’ve linked are so thorough and well done that I don’t feel the need to re-invent the wheel. I’m very thankful for the handful of brothers and sisters out there who are doing a great job of exposing false teachers and false doctrine. It lightens the load for all of us who do discernment work.
In addition to Sean Feucht, over the last few months I’ve also added resources for baptismal regeneration, Shawn Bolz, Core Group/Jenny Weaver, Eastern Orthodox, Kathryn Krick, Greg Laurie, Rebecca McLaughlin, Kristi McLelland, the New Apostolic Reformation, Right Now Media, Heidi St. John, and Wesleyanism. Check it out if you haven’t stopped by recently!
Other than yours, are there any podcasts you can recommend for women? Age wise 40-50’s. Thank you!
Thank you so much for listening to A Word Fitly Spoken! Yes, I would recommend, regardless of age, the podcast of anyone listed at the Recommended Bible Teachers, Authors, etc. tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. (Don’t limit yourself to female podcasters, teachers, etc. There are a lot more doctrinally sound men out there than women.)
A few more that aren’t listed there (only because I haven’t had time to update that page in a while) that I listen to are:
The Studio Revue with Sam Reid (This one isn’t Christian content, it’s just wholesome fun. I got hooked on it earlier this year.)
I’m wondering what/how would be the best way to approach my pastor about Jennie Allen and other doctrinally weak/unsound women whose studies are currently being taught at the church I’m a member of. At the risk of appearing obtuse or haughty, I’m hesitant to share these insights with the women (who I esteem more spiritually mature than I) who are overseeing the women’s Bible studies, especially as they continue to choose these authors who clearly are unsound or weak in theology and doctrine.
I’m so sorry this is happening at your church. I hope it will help you to know that you’re not alone. I’ve been in the same situation myself, and I’ve heard from hundreds of other women over the years who have also been in this situation. Sadly, my article The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing? is the one I most often have to share with readers.
And listen, if these women are following false teachers, they are not the spiritually mature ones, no matter how they seem or how they present themselves. If you’re discerning enough to understand from Scripture that they’re following false teachers, and you love them and your church enough to try to help, you are the spiritually mature one in this situation. That’s not haughty, that’s simple, objective, biblical fact.
I have taken a moment to pray for you, and I wish you well.
I’ve heard that Christians shouldn’t read horoscopes or get involved with astrology, but weren’t the wise men who came to see Jesus astrologers? Maybe there’s something to astrology.
Well, if we were to say that, then we could also say maybe there’s something to stealing, too. Because, after all, that’s what got the thief on the cross to Jesus, and Jesus said that he would be with Him in Paradise that day. And maybe there’s something to persecuting and murdering Christians, too, because that’s how Paul came to encounter Jesus. But we don’t say those things because that’s not the way we rightly handle and apply Scripture.
There are two broad categories of Scripture: descriptive passages and prescriptive passages. Descriptive passages are descriptions of something that happened, like the story of the wise men visiting Jesus, or Noah and the ark, or David and Goliath. Prescriptive passages could also be called commands or direct instructions, “thou shalts” and “thou shalt nots.”
When we have a question about whether or not it’s OK with God for us to do something, say, consulting horoscopes and astrologers, we look first at the relevant prescriptive passages, like this one:
When you come into the land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations. There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you. You shall be blameless before the Lord your God, for these nations, which you are about to dispossess, listen to fortune-tellers and to diviners. But as for you, the Lord your God has not allowed you to do this.
Deuteronomy 18:9-14
While this passage was obviously written as a command to Old Testament Israel, we can still draw out some applicable principles for today by asking ourselves why “the Lord your God has not allowed you to do this.” God calls these practices an “abomination” several times and links them to paganism. Verse 14 is reminiscent of 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 and 1 John 2:15-17, which tell us not to love or partner with the dark things of the world and to separate ourselves from such things.
This is a clear, prescriptive passage that answers our questions about following horoscopes and astrology, so this is where we get our instruction, not from a descriptive passage about someone who was an astrologer.
Additionally, there’s good reason to believe that the wise men who went to see Jesus were not astrologers in the same horoscope/tarot card/palm reading/fortune teller sense in which we use the word “astrology” today. The Greek word translated as “wise men” is magos (magi). Its primary meaning is “Oriental scientist,” a term which was also applied to teachers, priests, and physicians, among others. It would seem that the wise men were much more akin to astronomers than astrologers, and were learned in the Old Testament messianic prophecies as well.
Will a Believer who commits suicide still go to Heaven?
Yes. The key word here is “Believer.” People who are genuinely born again Christians spend eternity in Heaven when they die. It is not a particular sin that sends people to Hell, but rather that they die in a state of lostness and unbelief. If you think about it, because sin is so sneaky and pervasive most Christians will have some unconfessed sin in our lives at the moment of our death, whether that sin is suicide, unforgiveness, lust, a lie, or whatever. At the moment of salvation, Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection pays for ALL of a Believer’s sins, from cradle to grave. While we should always strive to repent of any known sin in our lives, we must also trust in God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness towards His children.
Is it OK if I email you/private message you on social media about…
Yes. You do not need to ask my permission before emailing or DM-ing me. Just go ahead and send me the email/DM. The only thing is, you need to understand that I will probably not answer your email or DM personally (unless it’s related to a speaking engagement). I answer readers’ questions via The Mailbag. I’ve explained why at the Contact and Social Media tab (All together, class: “…in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.”).
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
“If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have found out my riddle.”
judges 14:18
I love this verse. It’s in the story of Samson, which I’m studying in depth right now, and it makes me giggle every time I come to it. Ripped from its context, it doesn’t make much sense (most Bible verses don’t), so go read Judges 14 really quickly. It’s only twenty verses. It shouldn’t take you more than ten minutes to read. I’ll just wait right here.
Done? Ok. Now you know the context, and you know Samson wasn’t talking about farming. He was talking about his wife. Now, ladies, before you get your bloomers in a ruffle, Samson wasn’t calling his wife a heifer, he was using a metaphor. He could just as easily have said, “If you hadn’t eaten sweet and sour shrimp with my chopsticks…” Well, if he were Chinese and if sweet and sour shrimp had been invented.
But anyway... it still wasn’t the most flattering metaphor a man could choose when referencing his wife, which got me thinking about Samson’s wife and their marriage. They messed some things up, big time. Things that they could have avoided messing up by being obedient to God’s commands about marriage. Maybe we could learn a few “noble,” or “no-bull,” if you prefer, things for our own marriages from Mr. and Mrs. Samson in Judges 14:
Maybe we could learn a few “noble,” or “no-bull,” if you prefer, things for our own marriages from Mr. and Mrs. Samson in Judges 14…
Although the Philistines were not one of the nations God specifically forbade Israel to intermarry with, God’s principle of not marrying foreigners would have been a good one for Samson to follow. Why? Because only Israel worshiped the one true God. All of the other nations were pagan. They will “turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods,” God told them. “But Samson said to his father, ‘Get her for me, for she is right in my eyes.’” (3) In my eyes. Not in God’s eyes. In Samson’s eyes. Samson wasn’t interested in what God wanted for his marriage. Samson was only interested in what Samson wanted.
As Believers, our hearts should long to obey Christ and to want what He wants for our lives. In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, God tells us we are not to seek to bind ourselves together in any close relationship with unbelievers. That includes (but is not limited to) marriage. As God told the Israelites, an unbeliever will lead you away from the Lord. Husbands and wives should push each other towards Christ. A lost husband can’t lead you to greater godliness. If you are not yet married, do not marry someone who isn’t saved, whose life does not display the spiritual fruit of someone who has been genuinely born again.
2. Leave and cleave: plow with the bull you’re yoked to (v. 16-20)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast [cleave] to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
This doesn’t mean that we cut all ties with our parents when we get married. It means that we are now committed, first and foremost, to our spouses. We stand with them before, and sometimes against, everyone else.
Samson and his wife both had problems with this, as many newlyweds do. Samson’s wife, instead of standing with her husband by being honest with him about what his companions were up to and trusting him to protect her, ended up siding with “her people” (17) out of fear, by nagging Samson into telling her the answer to the riddle. Samson showed that he was loyal to his parents over his wife when he said in verse 16, “Behold, I have not told my father nor my mother [the answer to the riddle], and shall I tell you?” And when the whole fiasco was over, instead of going back and working things out with his wife, he abandoned her and went back home to live with his parents. (19-20)
Ladies, our husbands come first when it comes to loyalty, unity, bonding, and family decisions. Not our moms, our sisters, our best girlfriends, or even our children. And our husbands are to exhibit that same loyalty to us. Don’t hook yourself up to another plow.
Leave and cleave. Plow with the bull you’re yoked to.
Pack your bags, we’re going on a guilt trip. And Samson’s wife had a saddlebag full of every vixenish wile she could squeeze in: emotional manipulation, shame, blame, nagging, and relentless pressure. Samson’s wife provides us with the perfect example of how not to communicate with our husbands.
Samson’s wife provides us with the perfect example of how *not* to communicate with our husbands.
We can all be tempted to use underhanded methods of getting what we want, but the God who tells us not to lie, to speak the truth, and not to act in selfish ambition but to put others first, is not a God who is pleased by such behavior. God is honored when we treat our husbands with kindness, respect, and honesty, and trust God enough to leave the outcome to Him.
While Samson may have had understandable reasons for being angry at both his companions and his wife, and while God may have used a bad situation to take out some of the enemies of His people, God calls husbands and wives to forgive one another.
Again, Samson shows us what not to do. Consumed by his anger, he abandoned his wife and seems to have held a grudge against her for a good while. When he finally went back with a peace offering, it wasn’t a pretty scene.
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
Ephesians 4:26-27
When we’re angry, self control can go out the window, making it easier to give in to Satan’s temptations to sin. Instead, it is God’s will for us to “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”.
If your theology pretty much matches up with mine (as outlined in my “Welcome” and “Statement of Faith” tabs in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) and you’d like to contribute a guest post, drop me an e-mail, and let’s chat about it.
The Single’s Advantage by Bob Wheatley
I used to think Paul was ridiculous.
He was God’s chosen apostle, a mouthpiece to the Gentiles, yet I somehow still found him offensive. What caused me to scoff at this heralded saint? It was not the beatings, the shipwrecks, or the hardships he faced. It was not his devotion, conversion, or capacity for love. Oh no. My contempt for this man stemmed from one page of Scripture, and a teaching that I loathed to my core.
Addressing the Christians at the church of Corinth, the apostle Paul once wrote:
“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am … I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided … I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. —1 Corinthians 7:8, 32–34, 35 ESV
I could not believe what my eyes were reading. How could anyone believe that being single is better than being married? That thought seemed so foreign, so impossible to me, that it actually caused me to doubt my own level of faith.
If I couldn’t be joyful in singleness, then was my faith far weaker than I thought it was? Was I less of a Christian if I struggled with singleness?
But then, sure enough, my excuses came to the rescue. I knew that Paul had navigated his entire ministry without a woman at his side, but the truth is, Paul had a connection to the Lord that we cannot fathom—and all for good reason, of course.
The risen Jesus had physically appeared to Paul on the road to Damascus (Acts 9). As most theologians will attest, it was also Paul who had seen God, face-to-face, when he was caught up into the third heaven (2 Corinthians 12).
Those excuses were my reason to not take Paul’s words seriously.
Who knows, Paul? I joked to myself. Maybe even I could forsake companionship, sex, and the blessings of marriage if I too had been snatched into heaven!
But that wasn’t true. If I’m being honest, I did not want to go deeper with God.
I really just wanted a wife.
Without experiencing a miraculous vision on the road to Damascus, I would not allow Paul’s words to dissuade me.
But then, everything turned upside down.
My Hero of the Faith
One afternoon, I was reading a book by Eric Metaxas1. The book was called Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. This book told the story of a German pastor, living during World War II under the Nazi regime. The name of this German was Dietrich Bonhoeffer1, and his testimony would change my life.
I had never experienced a book like Bonhoeffer.
Like most readers, I often resonate with characters in a book in some form or fashion. It is one of the things I love most about books. Whether fiction or fact, novel or biography, I find nuggets and nuances that can bind me to characters.
It was C. S. Lewis2 who once said, “In reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself.” And yet, my reading of Bonhoeffer felt deeper than that.
With nearly every word I read, I saw a clearer and clearer reflection of myself. It never stopped! Whispers and subtlety soon gave way to weirdness.
Dietrich’s spirit, habits, passions, and faults—somehow, I possessed them all:
His mind operated in black and white
His tongue often spoke in absolutes
His bedroom, like mine, was fit for a Spartan
In this young, fiery pastor, I had found a more righteous, more accomplished, more intelligent version of me.
Though separated by time and a great many miles, I had found my new hero of the faith. But the game would soon turn sour.
The Single’s Advantage
I soon came across a different quote, and it ended my honeymoon instantly. This quote was made by another pastor who was a mentor and friend of Bonhoeffer’s.
He found the young Dietrich to be “quite outstanding,” and he praised him with the utmost enthusiasm. But it was the subsequent line, coming just one sentence later, that challenged my view of the world.
Still speaking of Bonhoeffer, the pastor said:
“He has in addition the special Pauline advantage in that he is unmarried.”
The Pauline what?
There I was, reading Bonhoeffer, still enchanted by a wiser and much grander “me,” only to be confronted by my greatest private struggle. Like Bonhoeffer before me, I, too, was unmarried. My extended season of singleness—which had lasted for years at that point—felt like more of a punishment than a “Pauline advantage.”
And yet, there I was, reading of another man—and a godly man, at that—who affirmed Paul’s words from 1 Corinthians 7. Heckel praised Dietrich Bonhoeffer because he was single.
How could that possibly be?
As I pondered that question, I considered Paul’s words that had irked me so much. “I say this for your own benefit,” he had said to his readers. And what benefit did he say that singleness could bring?
“An undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:35 ESV).
Paul’s words had presented a fork in the road. They forced me to wrestle with some sensitive questions: Could I call myself a Christian while ignoring Paul’s letter? How might my life have to change if his opinions were true? And then, the most dangerous question of all:
What if my singleness was an advantage?
That was the day my quest began. I had made my decision, right then and there, to simply take Paul at his word. I would try to find purpose in my season of singleness.
Top Three Advantages of Being Single
What happened next was nothing short of radical. I decided that I would no longer be consumed with seeking a wife. Instead, my focus would be much simpler than that: I simply would focus on Jesus.
Day by day, I saw my character being changed from the inside out. What once felt like torture turned into a blessing.
I ended up writing an entire book on the subject, but here are the three top “advantages” that I’ve found in my singleness:
1. MORE TIME FOR GOD
The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.” —1 Corinthians 7:32-34 ESV
I have a number of newly-married friends who have affirmed this reality for me.
Sometimes, these friends simply do not have the time to read their Bibles in the morning. They lose out on quiet time. They can’t pray as much as they did while unmarried.
The single Christian—although potentially facing more loneliness—certainly has more time to seek the Lord.
Are you taking advantage of the time that you have?
2. MORE TIME FOR YOU
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” —Ephesians 2:10 ESV
Relationships take up a lot of time. In both dating and marriage relationships alike, our time must be shared with the person at our side.
When our interests are “divided,” we have less time in the day to serve our church, discover our passions, develop our skills, advance professionally, or wait on the Lord to reveal His will.
In your season of singleness, you have the unique ability to discover your gifts, talents, passions, and burdens.
What works do you think God has “prepared in advance” for you? Ask Him to guide you to His will for your life!
3. MORE TIME FOR SUFFERING
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. —Hebrews 12:11 ESV
I realize that this claim might feel stark, but stick with me here.
Make no mistake, it is actually suffering, not pleasure, that develops our character into holiness.
In fact, Hebrews 2:10 even says that Jesus Himself was made perfect through suffering.
By walking through our seasons of singleness, God is molding and shaping us into His image.
All pain is painful, but not all pain is harmful.
You can trust your Father to make the most of this season.
Final Thoughts
Thanks to the apostle Paul and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I took a radical approach to my season of singleness. I made a concerted effort to give Jesus my heart. Nothing was off limits. Everything was His. My heart, soul, mind, and strength were focused on the One that I longed for.
What I had not realized before is that in my season of singleness, God has given me the time and space to seek Him, walk with Him, and grow my trust in Him.
And then, one day, after months and years of seeking the Lord, the reality finally hit me: I was living the Pauline advantage.
And now, you can be as well.
1Note from Michelle: There are doctrinal/biblical issues with both Eric Metaxas and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which the reader may research on her own if she wishes. The publication of this guest post should not be construed as my recommendation of either of these men as doctrinally sound teachers to follow.
Bob Wheatley is a bestselling author, keynote speaker, and former professional athlete. His work has been featured on Way-FM, The FISH, KCBI Christian Radio, ESPN, FOX Sports, and various other international outlets. He lives in Nashville, Tennessee.
Bob has graciously offered the audiobook version of his book, Single-Minded: Finding Purpose & Strength in Your Season of Singleness, free of charge to my readers. Thank you, Bob! Click HERE to download.
My husband and I recently moved to a new state. After living here a few months, I ‘m not sure this is where God wants us. At the time of our move, my husband had another opportunity for us to go to a different state than the one we just moved to. In prayer and reading God’s word I think we should’ve gone to that state instead. That opportunity is still open, and I feel led to go. I’ve prayed and asked God and still feel led. I’m so confused. I am starting to feel like my husband is a hindrance in my following God’s will. He is supposed to be the leader of the family but he’s not a godly leader. I am a Christian woman who is trying to follow what I think God is leading me to do. My problem is I have a husband who isn’t in God’s word, nor trying to be, and he says no.
One of the most stressful situations in a marriage is when your spouse is an unbeliever, one spouse is much more spiritually mature than the other, or there are major differences on theological issues between spouses. I know this is difficult, but I hope I’ll be able to point you in a helpful direction.
It’s good that you’re reading your Bible and praying as you seek God’s direction. You say that in “reading God’s Word I think we should’ve gone to that state instead.” I’m not sure (but am very curious) as to which Bible passage you might have read that leads you to believe you moved to the wrong state. I can’t think of one that addresses that issue because the Bible is not personally specific in that way. It gives us wisdom and godly instruction and principles which God wants us to use to make wise choices, but there aren’t any verses that say things like, “You should have moved to the other state,” “Marry Bob, not Fred,” or “Buy the minivan instead of the convertible.”
You say, “I am a Christian woman who is trying to follow what I think God is leading me to do.” That’s great! That’s always the attitude of heart we should have. And the first thing we need to understand is that God leads us through His sufficient and authoritativeWord. That means, when we have a decision to make, we don’t go by subjective feelings and impressions, we go to God’s written Word and make sure we’re obeying everything it says about our situation.
The good news about your situation is that God spells out His will for you very clearly in Scripture. If you really mean what you say about wanting to do God’s will and follow what He’s leading you to do rather than doing what you want to do and calling that God’s will, here it is:
If you really mean what you say about wanting to do *God’s* will and follow what *He’s* leading you to do rather than doing what you want to do and calling *that* God’s will, here it is:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24 (emphasis mine)
Unless your husband is abusing* you or encouraging you to do something sinful, God’s will is for you to graciously submit to his decisions. Denying your request to move to another state may not make you happy, but it does not qualify as abuse or sin.
*Physical abuse. A husband’s decision not to bow to his wife’s wishes in a situation like this does not constitute abuse. Any wife who is being physically abused should get to safety and get help.
Notice, this passage says wives are to submit “in everything,” not just the decisions we agree with. (If you agree, that’s not submission. You’re both getting what you want. Ideally, that’s what will happen most of the time.)
As our husbands’ helpers, we should certainly discuss issues and decisions with them and lovingly offer wise, biblical input, but our husbands are responsible to God for leading us, so they make the final decision, and we submit to it with a godly attitude. The remainder of this passage goes on to instruct men about how they’re to treat their wives in a godly way, but it does not say that wives only have to submit to their husbands if their husbands are godly or “in the Word.”
God is leading you to conduct yourself respectfully:
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may bewon without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 1 Peter 3:1-5 (emphasis mine)
Sometimes when we ladies want something from our husbands, we can be like a dog with a bone, talking them to death about it (Dare I say, nagging?). While husbands and wives should talk through major issues and decisions together, if you’ve calmly, lovingly, and respectfully offered your husband your input and he has made his decision, you need to stop trying to convince him to do it your way. Let it go, Elsa. Behave and speak with love, grace, and kindness toward your husband as you move on with life in your marriage. You may not win him over to your opinion, but that’s not your ultimate goal. Your goal – as you mentioned in your e-mail – is for him to be godly and in the Word. Your behavior and demeanor can help win him to godliness.
Sometimes when we ladies want something from our husbands, we can be like a dog with a bone…Let it go, Elsa. Behave and speak with love, grace, and kindness toward your husband as you move on with life in your marriage.
I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11b-13
If anyone knew what it was like to bear up under unpleasant circumstances and find his contentment in Christ rather than in temporal happiness, it was Paul. Paul had learned the secret to maintaining his contentment no matter what: the strength only Christ can provide. Christ can enable you to be content in this circumstance of your life, too. Just keep your focus on Him and ask Him to strengthen you.
God is leading you to pray for His will to be done and to trust Him for the outcome.
And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39 (emphasis mine)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 (emphasis mine)
In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught us to pray, “Thy will be done.” At Gethsemane, He demonstrated it for us. God did not change Jesus’ circumstances, because it was His will for Jesus to be crucified. But Jesus trusted God to do what was right and best, and He obeyed and glorified His Father to His last breath.
In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught us to pray, “Thy will be done.” At Gethsemane, He demonstrated it for us.
Are you praying for God’s will to be done in your situation, or your will? Keep in mind that God is sovereign. If it were His will for you to be in another state right now, that’s where you would be. Nobody can thwart God’s will. Have you ever considered the possibility that it’s not that your husband is a “hindrance in following God’s will” but that it was God’s will for you to be living in this state and that He caused or allowed your husband to move you there because that’s what He wants? Ask God to do His will in your situation, obey Him no matter the cost, and trust Him for the outcome.
Are you praying for God’s will to be done in your situation, or your will?
Finally, I’d like to address something you mentioned in your e-mail that you didn’t seem to think was connected to your main question. Actually, it is. You said that you found my blog while searching for one of the false teachers I warn against. If you’ve been sitting under the teaching of the woman you mentioned, or these teachers, or any other teachers who don’t properly handle and teach God’s Word, that is a large part of your confusion about your situation. These teachers do not correctly teach people how to study, understand, and apply God’s Word to their lives.
You’ve been taught to “feel led” to do things that are in conflict with God’s Word. God leads us and speaks to us through Scripture.
You’ve been taught to “feel led” to do things that are in conflict with God’s Word. God leads us and speaks to us through Scripture, and it is Scripture alone that we are to go to and depend on to live a godly life and make wise decisions, not our feelings, opinions, and experiences. Unfortunately, teachers like the one you mentioned often lead their hearers to attempt to interpret subjective feelings, ideas, impressions, and circumstances as “God’s will” rather than seeking what God has already revealed to be His will in His written Word. I would encourage you to put away the pre-packaged “Bible” studies, simply pick up your Bible, study it, and obey it.
It is Scripture alone that we are to go to and depend on to live a godly life and make wise decisions, not our feelings, opinions, and experiences.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Let’s face it, Ladies, there are days when even the best of marriages are just plain tough. Hubby’s in a bad mood and snaps at you.* There’s no money in the budget for that thing you really want to buy. You’re feeling overworked, underappreciated, and beyond stressed. It can be all too easy to haul out the party hats and confetti, hunker down in the corner, and throw yourself one big “woe is me” bash. Have you ever stopped to think about whether or not it’s biblical to feel sorry for ourselves? Believe it or not, there’s not a single passage of Scripture that says it’s OK. So what does the Bible say about how to handle those times in our marriages when we want to indulge in self pity? Let’s find out.
*(This article pertains to normal, relatively healthy, Christian marriages. In other words, not abusive marriages. If you are being abused, get yourself and your children to a safe place, and call the police, your pastor, or a loved one for help.)
Have you ever stopped to think about whether or not it’s biblical to feel sorry for ourselves? Believe it or not, there’s not a single passage of Scripture that says it’s OK. So what does the Bible say?
But we have the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:16
take every thought captive to obey Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
be conformed to the image of his Son, Romans 8:29
As Christians, Christ is to be the master of everything we are, not just our words and actions, but our thoughts and feelings as well. We are to act like Jesus, talk like Jesus, think like Jesus, and even feel like Jesus. Punished and executed for sins He did not commit, “He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.”(Isaiah 53:3) Jesus had much more reason than you or I to feel sorry for Himself, but did He? Then, should we?
As Christians, Christ is to be the master of everything we are, not just our words and actions, but our thoughts and feelings as well.
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, Philippians 2:5-6
When we follow Christ, we adopt the same attitude towards others He had. Jesus was prepared for the fact that people He loved and served, even those closest to Him, would let Him down. Still, He loved them and forgave them. Your husband is a broken, sinful human being (just like you). He’s going to mess up. A lot (just like you). Being prepared for, and accepting that fact (along with a healthy understanding of how many times you’re going to let him down) can help put things into perspective.
but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. Philippians 2:7
Jesus put aside all of His rights to be served and esteemed and, instead, focused on serving others – even those who didn’t deserve it and were ungrateful. Instead of retreating into hurt the next time your husband blows it, what if you took a deep breath, put your rights aside, and did something to lovingly serve him?
Instead of retreating into hurt the next time your husband blows it, what if you took a deep breath, put your rights aside, and did something to lovingly serve him?
And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:8
Jesus humbled Himself. He was so focused on obedience to God that He gladly gave up His life for people who hated Him. Often, our obedience only takes us to the edge of where we’re comfortable. What kind of impact would it have on your marriage if you had the same level of humility and obedience Christ had? How could that humility and obedience to Christ help ward off self pity?
Often, our obedience only takes us to the edge of where we’re comfortable. What kind of impact would it have on your marriage if you had the same level of humility and obedience Christ had?
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18
It is not God’s will for you to feel sorry for yourself. It is God’s will for you to give thanks in all circumstances, including a lousy day in your marriage. If you can’t think of anything to be thankful for, tell that to God, and ask Him to show you things about your husband that you can thank Him for. Even if you have to start with the small things (Does he have good breath? Tie his shoes neatly? Floss semi-weekly?), start somewhere. You’ll be amazed at the way your perspective shifts from the negative to the positive as you thank God for your husband’s good qualities.
You’ll be amazed at the way your perspective shifts from the negative to the positive as you thank God for your husband’s good qualities.
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. Philippians 4:11
Whatever situation. Ever read about Paul’s little “whatever situations”? You can find some of them in 2 Corinthians 11:23-28. I’m guessing you’ve never been shipwrecked or stoned, not to mention all the other things on his list, which, by the way, Paul wrote while he was in prison. Yet he said he had learned to be content. How? Paul found his contentment, not in his circumstances, but in Christ. Jerry McGuire not witstanding, your husband does not, will not, and cannot “complete you.” Only Christ can satisfy the deepest needs of your heart. When you lay hold of that, you will find true contentment. Your husband will let you down. Christ never will.
Your husband does not, will not, and cannot “complete you.” Only Christ can satisfy the deepest needs of your heart. Your husband will let you down. Christ never will.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:2-4
God wants to do something greater in you than just make you feel better in the moment. He has long range plans to grow you in endurance, character, and hope. That’s great news, and certainly cause for joy. So instead of directing your gaze inward, look down the road to where you’re more mature in Christ, and rejoice. God is at work on your heart. (And P.S.- Rejoicing will make you feel better in the moment, too. Pitying yourself will only make you feel worse.)
God wants to do something greater in you than just make you feel better in the moment.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4
There’s that H-word again. Humility. When I read this passage, I think back to the story of Jesus washing the disciples’ feet. The One to whom every knee will one day bow got down on His hands and knees and took on the disgusting task that normally fell to the lowest, least talented servant. If the God of the universe could put ahead of Himself these men whom He personally knit together in the womb, who would, in mere hours, deny and desert Him at the darkest time of His life, is He asking too much of us to put our husbands ahead of our hurt feelings?
7. Change your husband by changing your behavior
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 1 Peter 3:1-2
It seems counterintuitive. “Is your husband being an ungodly jerk? Don’t nag him or pout about it; submit to him with respectful and pure conduct.” The world would call this weakness and say you’re being a doormat. Quite the contrary. If you’ve ever tried putting this passage into practice, you know just how much strength it takes to do the godly thing when everything in you wants to strike back or retreat in self pity. To realize that, regardless of how your husband acts, you are responsible to God to do what is right in His eyes. But God’s word is full of paradoxes and counterintuitives. The question is, do we believe God when He says this is the way to win our husbands to godliness, and do we trust Him enough to obey His word?
Regardless of how your husband acts, you are responsible to God to do what is right in His eyes.
Being a Christian wife pursuing growth in godliness is tough. It can seem impossible to forge ahead in obedience to Christ on those difficult days in your marriage when all you really want to do is retreat into that corner and whimper. But you have a Savior who understands your weaknesses, loves and cares for you deeply, and promises to give you the strength you need to do anything He calls you to.
Even the strength to take off the hat, sweep up the confetti, and say, “The party’s over.”
This article was originally published at Satisfaction Through Christ on November 5, 2014.
