Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
It’s June, and you know what that means: perversion-palooza [aka “Pride”] month. What does the Bible say about these and other issues of sexual immorality? How should your church be addressing them? What can you say if a loved one lives in this kind of sin or has been victimized by it? Here’s a roundup of Mailbag articles and other resources that may help.
Can you give me a basic overview of what the Bible says about sexuality and sexual immorality?
I’m including these resources on sexual abuse in this article because the abuse itself is a perversion of biblical sexuality and because the sexual sins addressed above can lead to abuse. If you were victimized by an abuser, you are not guilty of perversion, an act of perversion was committed against you.
What are some practical ways to prevent sexual abuse at my church?
I know a woman who is a victim of sexual abuse. How can I help her biblically? (If the victim is a man, much of this still applies, but refer him to your pastor so a godly man can help and disciple him.)
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Ladies, do you believe in woman’s intuition? Do you have it? I’m not talking about premonitions– having a feeling that some future event is going to take place- I mean intuition. Being able, for example, to sense from a friend’s tone of voice that she’s having a bad day, noticing from the body language of two people who are “just friends” that romance is brewing beneath the surface, or discerning the tension between two people who are seemingly cordial to one another.
Maybe men have this “super power” too, but I’ve noticed it more with women. I believe it might have something to do with the way God has hard wired us. Nothing against men here (y’all are awesome in your own masculine way), but we women generally tend to be more sensitive to and concerned about other people’s feelings, we listen “between the lines,” and we hear and analyze tone of voice more. It’s one of the great things about the way God has created us that helps us as we nurture, comfort, and care for others.
But lately, I’m noticing that this “super power” of ours can also be a super problem.
Our sensitivity to tone (of voice, of writing, someone’s demeanor, etc.) is a hindrance rather than a help to us when we refuse to evaluate the content of what someone is saying to us simply because his manner of speaking, writing, or behavior has offended our sensibilities. This is especially harmful when that content is biblical truth.
Our sensitivity to tone is a hindrance rather than a help to us when we refuse to evaluate the *content* of what someone is saying simply because his manner of speaking, writing, or behavior has offended our sensibilities.
I have recently observed several instances of this, all involving women who, at best, found it difficult (with some outright refusing) to put aside their feelings of offense at the writer’s or speaker’s tone in order to compare the content of his speech or writing to Scripture to see if it might be true. (And, by the way, the speech and writing I’m referring to here are sermons, commentary, and articles, not someone writing or speaking to these women personally.) I can sympathize. It’s happened to me plenty of times.
Often, when we hear a fellow Christian put biblical truth bluntly in black and white and it rubs us the wrong way, our first reaction is to quote part of Ephesians 4:15 and chastise him for failing to “speak the truth in love.” But is that the only point of Ephesians 4? Let’s take a look at it in context:
And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
Ephesians 4:11-16 (emphasis mine)
When I was in elementary school, one of the reading comprehension tasks we were often assigned was to find the “main idea” of a piece of writing. So, what is the “main idea” of this passage in Ephesians 4? I’ll even make it multiple choice (my favorite!).
Is the main idea of the passage:
a) Teachers and preachers should speak the truth in love so that they will not offend anyone.
b) A discussion of the different types of leadership roles in the church.
c) Christian leaders are to equip church members to grow to spiritual maturity which builds spiritually healthy and unified churches.
While the passage touches on some of the ideas in a and b, the main point is c. We’re to grow up. We are to listen to preachers, teachers, and writers who rightly handle God’s word, even if we come across one every now and then who steps on our toes with his demeanor or tone.
And it’s important to remember that just because our feelings are hurt doesn’t necessarily mean the other person sinned or did anything wrong. Sometimes you and I take things the wrong way because we’re not listening, we’re not understanding, or because we’re incorrectly reading our own hurts and past experiences into what the other person is saying. And none of that is her fault.
Sometimes the reason we’re offended is because the other person is speaking or writing simply and directly without wrapping her words in fourteen pillows of feelings-coddling. (Believe it or not, this is the way people used to speak all the time before feelings became such an idol in our culture. You could just say things without all the caveats.) We’ve grown so used to everyone walking on egg shells and tiptoeing around everyone’s feelings when we write and speak, lest anyone be “triggered,” that when someone simply says what she has to say without beating around the bush, we take offense that she hasn’t bent over backwards in her wording to make sure our feelings haven’t been hurt. And that’s not her fault, either.
And finally, sometimes we think -or claim– our feelings have been hurt by the other person’s tone, when, really what’s happening is that the Holy Spirit is convicting us, or we know she’s right in what she’s saying but we’re too proud to admit it. And those things aren’t her fault, either.
Just because someone says something and you get offended doesn’t automatically mean she’s at fault. Sometimes the fault is yours.
Just because someone says something and you get offended doesn’t automatically mean she’s at fault. Sometimes the fault is yours.
Look, I know it’s hard. There are people out there who offend me sometimes, too, but persevering through the offense will grow us into mature women of Christ and make our churches healthier.
Statistically speaking, more women regularly attend church these days than men. And when I say “more,” I mean 61% women to 39% men. Can you imagine the impact it would have on the health of our churches if all of those women were pursuing spiritual maturity through biblical truth and sound doctrine?
Instead, we are often like a little girl in a burning building. The fireman is vehemently insisting that the little girl come with him to escape, and she refuses to move because he hasn’t said it nicely enough.
We are often like a little girl in a burning building. The fireman is vehemently insisting that the little girl come with him to escape, and she refuses to move because he hasn’t said it nicely enough.
Ladies, I say this to all of us (including me) in love, because true love is desiring what’s best for someone:
It’s time for us to grow up. It’s time to stop taking our dollies and stomping home from the playground in a huff every time somebody speaks or writes strenuously. It’s time to stop crying about our hurt feelings, put on our big girl panties and be women.
It’s time to stop taking our dollies and stomping home from the playground in a huff every time somebody speaks or writes strenuously. It’s time to stop crying about our hurt feelings, put on our big girl panties and be *women*.
Discerning women. Berean women. Women of God’s word. Women who can handle having our feathers ruffled and come out on the other side stronger for it.
Too often, we make the mistake of equating a soft tone of voice and a sweet disposition with “love”. But many of the people who speak with this kind of “love” are not speaking the truth. They are smooth talking, charismatic con men selling snake oil for our souls.
Too often, we make the mistake of equating a soft tone of voice and a sweet disposition with “love”. But many of the people who speak with this kind of “love” are not speaking the truth.
If we’re not careful, we can become people who “will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths” (2 Timothy 4:3-4), or “weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 3:6b-7), or even “children unwilling to hear the instruction of the Lord; who say…“Do not prophesy to us what is right; speak to us smooth things, prophesy illusions,” (Isaiah 30:9-11).
We forget that our Master, the perfect embodiment of love, didn’t always speak softly and act politely when the gospel was at stake. Because there are things out there that are much more important than our feelings, and biblical truth is one of them.
There are things out there that are much more important than our feelings, and biblical truth is one of them.
Don’t lift a finger for people who won’t lift a finger for you.
Don’t allow people in your life who don’t deserve to be there.
Hardly a day goes by that I don’t see something like this on Facebook. Clearly, there are people who are violent that we need to stay away from for our own physical safety, and marital problems absolutely must be resolved, but those aren’t what this line of thinking seems to be addressing. It’s talking about the difficult people. We all have them in our lives. You’re probably thinking of some right now.
The constant complainer.
The drama queen.
The narcissist.
The annoyance.
The just plain unlovely.
Maybe it’s a family member, a neighbor, or a co-worker. Somebody who’s in your life for some reason, only you wish she weren’t.
The world’s advice: abort people. If they’re negative, if they don’t further your success, if they drain you, if they’re somehow undeserving of your time and attention. Just cut them out of your life. Abort them.
The world’s advice: abort people. If they’re negative, if they don’t further your success, if they drain you, if they’re somehow undeserving of your time and attention. Just cut them out of your life. Abort them.
Christians are on the front lines of the battle against literal abortion. “Every life is precious,” we say, and that’s as it should be. But somehow, the world’s abortive mentality has crept into our thinking when it comes to the relationships we have with others. Babies are being killed because they’re inconvenient, they’ll hinder someone’s pursuit of success, or they have a disability, and we’re – rightly – grieved and outraged, but do we have any pangs of conscience when it comes to throwing away that inconvenient friend or that personality-handicapped family member? Is every life really precious?
Do we have any pangs of conscience when it comes to throwing away that inconvenient friend or that personality-handicapped family member? Is every life really precious?
We serve a Savior who loved the unlovely. Took time for the inconvenient. Invested in the drains. He felt their loneliness and rejection and knew the pain of being scorned.
Because He was one of them.
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Isaiah 53:2b-3
Jesus stopped along the roadside, not for those who would further His success, but for those who were needy. He called the awkward and personality impaired “brother.” He called a betrayer, “friend.” Even those who wielded the whip, embedded the thorns, and drove the nails didn’t hear, “Go to hell,” but, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Yes, there are people who are so difficult that we may have to love them from afar, taking time between each encounter with them to pray, recover, and forgive.
But we must remember who we were called to be.
I love, not because people deserve it, but because He first loved me.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
My husband was just recently selected as pastor of a nearby church. This is his first pastorate. We didn’t know before he accepted the position, but it seems that alcohol is sometimes present at fellowships. The women at the church had a little fellowship after finishing a Bible study series and from pictures on FB, I already see wine. So as a new pastor’s wife, how do I even go about that? I will soon be at those studies and fellowships and I don’t know how to go about that with love. Do I just say right there and then that it’s not prudent or wait till afterwards and say something? Seems this will be one of the things my husband will have to tackle due to the last pastorate being weak. Thank you for your time.
There can be a pretty big learning curve when it comes to transitioning from “regular church member” to “pastor’s wife”. Church members view you differently, you view yourself differently, and there’s the constant self-inflicted pressure to be a good reflection on your husband.
Usually, the best thing to do is to ask your husband how he wants you to handle things, and I would definitely recommend you do that in this situation. But as you’re asking him, and handling things accordingly, here are a few things to keep in mind:
⛪︎ Drinking alcohol, in and of itself, is not intrinsically sinful. If it were, Jesus Himself would have been a sinner. While there are many good reasons to seriously consider the wisdom and the witness of drinking alcohol -as an individual or at church functions- the Bible only prohibits drunkenness. The Bible does not have a zero tolerance policy toward alcohol (in fact, in some passages, God speaks about it in a very positive way). So that’s something to keep in mind when you go to the Bible studies and fellowships. As long as no one’s getting drunk, these women are not sinning. You need to be sure you’re not thinking about this as a sin issue, but as a wisdom issue.
⛪︎ I would not automatically assume that alcohol is acceptable at church functions because the previous pastor was “weak” – in other words, that he just let the congregation run wild and was too cowardly to address sin in the camp. That could be what happened, but there could also be another explanation. Some generally doctrinally sound, theologically conservative churches believe that, because drinking alcohol is not a sin, it’s OK to offer it right alongside the tea and cokes and water bottles at fellowships and other events. That could be another explanation.
⛪︎ “You can’t turn the Titanic around on a dime.” A pastor friend of mine once gave me that valuable piece of advice. In the first few weeks or couple of months of your husband’s new pastorate, he’s probably noticed dozens of things in this church that need correction. If he has determined that alcohol at fellowships is one of those things, you need to trust him to address it whenever and in whatever way he thinks is best. And that might take a while, because this issue might not be at the top of his list of “Urgent Things that Need Fixing Immediately”. Trust your husband and trust God to guide your husband and give him wisdom.
⛪︎ Lead by example. “How do I go about that?” you asked. There’s really no need for you to “go about” anything. While you’re waiting for and trusting your husband to address the issue, go to the fellowships and Bible studies, have a good time, and drink something non-alcoholic. No big whoop. If someone notices over time that you’re not drinking alcohol and asks you about it, just quietly, briefly, and biblically explain to her (not the whole room – it’ll get around, trust me) why you personally have chosen not to drink. (That means you’ll need to search the Scriptures and pray about it so you’ll be clear in your own heart and mind why you’ve made this choice and will be able to articulate it to others.) Those simple, quiet acts may just set an example the ladies would like to follow and the issue may take care of itself.
But all that being said, talk to your husband about it, ask him how he’d like you to handle (or not handle) things, and do that.
A few months into my marriage, I became uncomfortable with the theology and denomination my wife and I were in when we got married. Over time, I recognized unbiblical practices and false teachings, which were not apparent to me during courtship. As a result, I left the ministry four years ago, and my wife and I now have one child.
Unfortunately, in my attempt to bring her along with me, I took some wrong steps, for which I have apologized. However, I remain deeply concerned about the influence of these teachings on our relationship and our son. When I expressed my opposition to her taking him to the meetings, she repeatedly threatened to leave the marriage if I tried to intervene. This ongoing conflict has led me to decide that I do not wish to have more children with her as long as she continues this practice.
I would greatly appreciate your perspective on this situation.
That is definitely a tough one, brother, and my heart goes out to you.
I would encourage you to do a deep dive on these Scriptures and walk them out in your marriage. (on the 1 Peter passage, do verse 7, and do a husbandly version of verses 1-6).
As you’re doing that, I would also encourage you -if you’re now in a doctrinally sound church- to set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel and discipleship about this. He may counsel you himself or he may introduce you to a “Titus 2” godly older man in the church who can walk you through this.
If you’re not already a member of a doctrinally sound church, two recommendations:
Go to the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, and find a good church. Then contact the pastor, explain your situation, and ask if he can help.
If it’s taking you a while to find a good church, while you’re still looking, go to the Biblical Counseling Resources tab in that same blue menu bar, and contact an ACBC certified biblical counselor in your area for help. (Biblical counseling is completely different from “Christian counseling”. I would not recommend traditional Christian counseling.)
I am confused. I thought any time someone is associated with false teachers that person is considered a false teachers as well? But yet, [someone like Allie Beth Stuckey] isn’t considered a false teacher?
First, a little background information for those who aren’t aware. Allie Beth Stuckey is the conservative Christian host of the widely popular podcast, Relatable. When she first started out, her main focus was discussing politics from a conservative viewpoint. As time went by, her show became increasingly theological in nature. Unfortunately, as that dynamic unfolded it also became increasingly apparent that Allie is sadly lacking in discernment, and I eventually had to remove her from my recommends for that reason. (More here.)
It recently came to light that Allie is planning to yoke, once again, with some egregious* false teachers. She will be speaking at Thinq Summit 2025 (formerly Q Conference / Q-ideas), founded and run by Gabe and Rebekah Lyons. Here’s my Instagram post about it:
*When I say “egregious,” I’m not exaggerating. The people she has been yoking with lately are not Christians with minor differences on minor matters. Lisa Bevere is a literal NAR heretic, and the Lyonses are so progressive and woke I’m surprised they still pass as “Christians” to anyone, lost or saved.
I also posted about this on my Facebook page, and that’s where this reader’s question came from. Let me see if I can help clear things up.
Yoking with false teachers is a sin. The Bible commands us time and again to have nothing to do with false teachers (much less join with them in any endeavor, especially under the banner of a “Christian” event). When Scripture tells us not to do something and we do it anyway, that’s a sin. Allie is committing a sin by yoking with these false teachers.
But a false teacher is someone who sins by teaching false doctrine. At the moment (and as far as I know) the doctrine Allie believes and proclaims is still, generally, biblical and sound. However, as 1 Corinthians 15:33 tells us: “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” This is not just true of our personal morals and behavior, but the same principle holds true for our doctrine and beliefs. Associating with false teachers can lead us astray from sound doctrine. This is one of the reasons why the Scriptures I linked above command us not to have anything to do with false teachers.
In other words, by continually associating with false teachers, someone’s beliefs and doctrine can be corrupted and she could become a false teacher herself. I do not think that has happened to Allie yet. Allie’s situation at the moment is similar to Josh Buice’s situation. She is a high profile, doctrinally sound Christian who has sinned.
If you don’t know what transpired last week, click the link above to get it straight from the horse’s mouth of G3 Ministries.
Because Josh is under church discipline and is likely permanently disqualified from ministry, I have removed him from my list of Recommended Bible Teachers, Authors, Etc. And since G3 has decided to remove all of Josh’s content from their website, I will also be removing links to his materials from all of my articles because those links will no longer be functional. This is going to take a long time because I’m just going to remove them as I come across them, and there are a lot of them. If you’d like to help me out, drop me an email, PM/DM, blog or social media comment if you’re reading one of my articles and come across a link to something of his so I can remove it. Thanks.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Ready to schedule your summer or fall 2025 women’s event? I’d love to come share with the ladies of your church or organization. Clickherefor more information, or to find an upcoming event near you!
It was such a joy and an honor to speak at Answers in Genesis’ 2025 Answers for Women conference, Resolute: Refuting False Gsopels with Biblical Truth at the Ark Encounter in Williamstown, Kentucky. It was an amazing experience I will never forget. (And I now have my own bio page at the Answers in Genesis website!)
Due to the popularity of this event, there were actually two separate three day conferences back to back: Monday, March 31 – Wednesday, April 2, and Thursday, April 3 – Saturday, April 5. I taught one session at each conference: Mark and Avoid the New Apostolic Reformation. I also had the opportunity to participate in a panel discussion, and be interviewed for the Zero Compromise podcast. And, of course, it was a joy to spend time with my podcast partner and fellow speaker, Amy Spreeman.
I’ll share the podcast episode when it drops on the Zero Compromise channel. The conference video will be available in the future on Answers TV, but Amy and I took our respective teaching notes and turned them into podcast episodes. Amy taught on Progressivism…
…and, as I mentioned, my topic was the New Apostolic Reformation:
While at the conference, we also had the opportunity to interview two of our fellow speakers. Angela Mitchell…
…and Doreen Virtue:
When my husband and I arrived Sunday night at our hotel, it was dark, raining, we were under a flood watch, and the doors of the Ark were already shut. But we weren’t worried because we’re cessationists and we’re not in the New Apostolic Reformation, so we knew this wasn’t a sign from God, just His humorous Providence.😀
What if you’re in room 421?
Hotel art work
But our kind hosts had left a lavish welcome basket for me, and that brightened things up a lot.
Just a few of the goodies we speakers were so graciously provided.
Monday morning we had a little time before things got kicked off, so we enjoyed the Truth Traveler virtual reality exhibit at the Ark…
Then it was time to get the show on the road!
Teaching sessions…
Backstage before my session…
My sessions…
There were some great speakers at this conference!
Ken Ham kindly invited the speakers to his office for lunch and fellowship.
Ken asking the blessing before lunch.
Ken has a great view from his office window!
Michelle, Ken, Amy
Michelle, Ken, Scott Lesley (Michelle’s husband)
The conference kept me so busy that I didn’t get to spend much time at the Ark itself, but Providentially, my husband and I visited the Ark and Creation Museum about 18 months ago, in the fall of 2023 (You can see all of our pictures and stuff from that trip here.) I hoped, on that trip, that I’d one day get to meet Ken Ham in person. Now I can check that little item off my bucket list.😀
2023- I got to meet Ken Ham! (Or a reasonable facsimile thereof.)
2025- Meeting the real Ken Ham.
It’s always fun to get pictures with friends and followers! All of the speakers had “meet and greet” lines after our sessions and Amy and I had a booth in the exhibit hall where we got to meet lots of A Word Fitly Spoken listeners and other friends!
Sweet gifts from conference attendees…
Some parting shots with my favorite people…
Michelle and Amy Spreeman
Scott and Michelle Lesley
Amy and Bob Spreeman
The very last picture I took at the conference, and I think it’s my favorite. :0)
What a fantastic week with new friends and old! Many thanks to Georgia, Avery, Stephanie, Lalo, and all of the wonderful staff at Answers in Genesis and the Ark Encounter who treated us like royalty the whole time we were there and worked so hard to host a fantastic conference! It was truly an honor and a privilege to serve the ladies who attended Answers for Women 2025.
If your church or organization is ever in need of a speaker for a women’s event, I’d love to come share with your ladies as well. Click here for more information, or to find an upcoming event near you!
Photo Credits
Thank you to Answers in Genesis, conference attendees, and my wonderful husband, Scott, for taking most of the pictures above.
All other photos by Michelle Lesley.
Please forgive me for looking weird in many of the pictures above. Normally, I would say, “That’s just my face,” but I actually had an eye infection during the conference, and it was swollen most of the week.
