Discernment: What’s Love Got to Do with It?

discernment love

…so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ…
Ephesians 4:14-15

Christians who know what discernment is have a variety of perspectives about how it should be practiced. Should we teach about false doctrine at all or just make sure our church is teaching sound doctrine? Should we name the names of false teachers or speak about them anonymously? Should we warn people away from false teachers or just pray for them privately? What’s the biblical precedent for using a stringent tone when speaking of those who teach false doctrine?

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the phrase “speaking the truth in love” from Ephesians 4:15 as it pertains to speaking and writing about false doctrine and false teachers.

Many Christian women have the mistaken idea that “speaking the truth in love” equates to being “nice.” We’re always smilingly sweet and never say anything that might hurt someone’s feelings or could rock the boat at church.

Are we to be kind? Yes. Are we to do our best not to hurt others? Of course. Should we be making waves over every little thing that rubs us the wrong way? Absolutely not. We are to deny ourselves, setting aside our personal preferences and, in many cases, even our own rights, to the point of laying down our lives for others.

But we need to understand the distinction between personal preferences and biblical doctrine. And that’s where I think a lot of people get confused. We die to personal preferences. We die for the purity of biblical doctrine. The enemy is stealthily infiltrating and conquering church after church with false doctrine. We are at war. And that’s going to mean ruffling feathers, rocking the boat, and hurting feelings sometimes. Because the full armor of God doesn’t come with a white flag or a pen for signing peace treaties.

But how do we war for the truth “in love”?

Well, think about the concept and practice of “love.” Love always has an object. We don’t just say, “I love.” We say, “I love my children,” or “I love peanut butter and chocolate ice cream.” Speaking the truth “in love” is not as much about our demeanor or tone of voice as it is about the object of our love. It’s our love for others that compels us to speak biblical truth. And it’s that same love for others that should drive the manner in which we speak the truth.

So when it comes to speaking the truth about false doctrine, how should we be motivated by love? And love for whom?

We love Christ– As Christians, our love for Christ should motivate everything we do. If we’re speaking truth from fleshly motives such as pride, the desire to make a name for ourselves, or the competitive drive to win an argument, everything we say can be 100% factually right and we can still be spiritually in the wrong because the motive of our heart is wrong. God isn’t a debate judge awarding us points for compelling arguments. God weighs the heart.

We love God’s word– To love Christ is to love the Bible because Scripture is literally God Himself speaking to us. Besides the cleansing of the temple, the passage in which we see Jesus’ righteous anger displayed most clearly is Matthew 23. Here, Jesus delivers a scorching rebuke to the scribes and Pharisees for twisting God’s word and, in doing so, leading people away from the truth of Scripture. It is only natural for those of us who have the mind of Christ and are indwelt by the Holy Spirit to have that same love for God’s word and feel righteous anger over the maligning of it.

We love the church– To love Christ is also to love His bride, the church. Christ gave his life to cleanse the church “so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Seeing Christ’s bride blemished and corrupted by false doctrine should grieve us deeply and motivate us to call the church to be cleansed “by the washing of water with the word.”

We love the captives– Paul speaks of false teachers “who creep into households and capture weak women.” Often, the women who follow false teachers simply don’t know any better. They are casualties and prisoners of war held hostage by the enemy. We are to love them enough to show them the truth of God’s word so that “they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

We love the enemyEvery Christian was at one time an enemy of the cross. Every last one of us. Until someone loved us enough to intervene with the truth of the gospel. False teachers – those who, despite biblical correction, unrepentantly teach doctrine which is plainly refuted by Scripture – have made themselves enemies of the cross, even if they call themselves “Christian,” even if they wear the title of “pastor,” even if they’re holding a Bible in their hands and refer to it occasionally as they “teach” us.

In the same way a loving sister would not turn a blind eye and hope for the best if her sibling began using drugs and became increasingly addicted, it is not loving to stand idly by and allow false teachers to continue to sink deeper and deeper into Satan’s clutches by doing his bidding without making every effort to stop them in order to rescue them.

Sometimes – just as with the drug abuser – this can be accomplished early on with a private word of correction. And sometimes – as with the addict – more extreme measures of “tough love” and intervention must be employed. But we always love them enough to desire that they come to repentance and embrace the truth.


Our love for these also drives the manner in which we speak truth to them. A good soldier would never deal with a civilian casualty in the same way he would fight off an enemy bent on waging war. Likewise, part of discernment is knowing who the enemy is (and is not) and dealing with people in a biblically appropriate way. This requires humility, wisdom, thorough proficiency with our tools and weapons, unceasing prayer, and complete dependence on and self-crucifying love for our King. We trust in Him and His word to guide us in the wise and loving way to humbly speak His truth.

Discernment. Speaking truth. What’s love got to do with it?


12 thoughts on “Discernment: What’s Love Got to Do with It?”

  1. Reblogged this on The Outspoken TULIP and commented:
    Michelle Lesley says this so much better than I ever could. I can only add that the fear of being “unloving” traps people in deception. Perhaps it’s self-love, not godly love, that keeps us from telling people the truth!


  2. Sometimes people who are a member of a church that is teaching falsely does not appreciate or invite you to comment on their church teachings. They don’t want you to tell them something different because it upsets their world. I have had a family member belonging to a ‘prosperity’ gospel church. I tried approaching the subject and was immediately met with this person digging in their heels and defending these false teachings. I brought up a particular teaching they were in favor of, and kindly said I would not feel comfortable with that and here’s why. And when I calmly said why I disagreed and would be glad to show it in the scriptures, why “I” believe the way I do, the family member was extremely defensive and almost angry. What do you do with that? I think once someone has been told something is true they believe it and do not look in scriptures for themselves. They like their world the way it is. It is really hard to show people the truth sometimes.


    1. I have had that exact scenario with a loved one (although it was over another major false teaching, not the prosperity gospel). If the person hadn’t cut off all communication with me before I had the chance to say this to her, what I WOULD have said (after the initial attempt at explaining how the teaching was false) was, “Ok, we don’t have to talk about it. I’d encourage you to study your Bible every day, and if you ever want to talk about this again or ask me any questions, I’d be delighted to talk.” And then I wouldn’t initiate a conversation about it again.

      When other, non-related issues (parenting, taxes, the weather, whatever) come up in conversation where you can offer a biblical worldview or, when appropriate, start a sentence with “Well, the Bible says…”, do that, but mostly the best thing to do is pray fervently for the person. Ask God to save her if she’s a false convert and to open her eyes to the truth of His word.

      Believe me, I know it’s hard to feel like you’re standing idly by and doing nothing as a loved one sinks deeper and deeper into false doctrine, but God’s power to save and His love for her are even deeper than that :0)


  3. I am thankful for the women who have pointed me to truth. Even when the truth has been unsettling, uncomfortable, and disappointing, I am thankful someone loved me enough to say “you’really putting your trust in the wrong people”.


  4. Michelle, Such a good word. Thank you so much. When it comes to rebuking and refuting error, I have found that one either totally ignores your correction by not responding, or they tell you that you have no right to correct them, or they say thank you for opening my eyes. I just had the latter said by a young woman who I just recently warned about the flood of deception coming into this mega-church, that I just left but she is still involved in. Thank you so much for your love for us. May God Bless you abundantly..


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