February 2016 – Michelle Lesley

If your theology pretty much matches up with mine (as outlined in the “Welcome” and “Statement of Faith” tabs) and you’d like to contribute a guest post, drop me an e-mail at MichelleLesley1@yahoo.com,
and let’s chat about it. Kim Wine Wimpy Womens Ministry

How to Survive a Wimpy Women’s Ministry
by Kim Wine

Vanessa was excited to attend the weeknight women’s ministry event. A new friend had recently invited her to their annual women’s conference. Vanessa’s own church was extremely small and had no women’s ministry, so she was excited to attend an event that would edify her and train her in righteousness through the Word of God. She walked in with joyful expectation of tools to help her in her spiritual growth.

Upon entering the event, Vanessa was given her itinerary. The day was filled with craft projects, networking activities, and tips on how to create a more hospitable home environment. Vanessa maintained an optimistic attitude, still looking forward to the keynote speaker. Unfortunately, Vanessa left weeping, feeling discouraged and disappointed and even emptier than she felt when she walked in the event. The speaker delivered a highly motivating speech that “empowered” women and made them feel loved and accepted and “at peace” with God and each other…. And it was woefully devoid of Scripture, the gospel, or any mention of sin or repentance.

Maybe you’re like Vanessa and have experienced something similar? Have you walked away from women’s events at churches and wondered “what on earth just happened? Wasn’t I supposed to know more about my Lord at the end?” How do we change the culture of women’s ministry in today’s churches? I believe the solution lies in the discernment developed in the lives of both the ministry leader and the participant. Both participants and leaders must have a discerning mind and heart about what they’re allowing to be taught.

The Participant

Let’s assume you’re just like Vanessa. You don’t feel led by the Lord to be a women’s ministry leader, but you’re desperately hungry for more from your women’s ministry. What do you do to encourage your leader to be discerning in the teaching choices she makes?

1. Become discerning yourself. It is your responsibility to be knowledgeable about the Word of God. No one else is responsible to spoon-feed you. (1 John 2:27) You have the Holy Spirit indwelling you to remind you of the things you have learned (John 14:26), but you must learn them first in order to recall them.

2. Be an active participant. (Hebrews 10:23-25) You may not like what’s going on in your women’s ministry. Tea parties and testimonies may be the last thing you want to spend your time doing. But as long as the teaching you are receiving isn’t heretical (of course you shouldn’t stick around for false teaching), being active is the only way to develop a good relationship with your ministry leader. Ladies, I realize this is a hard one. I don’t like wasting my time and I’m sure you don’t either. But developing relationships takes your presence. It is not a waste of time to form a relationship that could give you future opportunity to disciple another woman to more depth and discernment.

3. Become a trusted friend of your women’s ministry leader. Take her to coffee and get to know her with no agenda. Be a support for her. Offer to help with events. You just might find out you both have the same heart for depth and discernment and you’re striving for the same goals. Maybe she’s working toward the same things you long for as well.

4. Be patient and consistent. It takes a while to turn a whole ship around. Give her time and space to work toward something new. Depth and discernment could be something the women in your church are unfamiliar with. As long as you’re seeing growth – even if it’s incremental – stay plugged in and be her biggest cheerleader. Show her that you can be trusted. And gently, as the Lord opens doors in your relationship with your leader, make good suggestions about teachers, authors, and materials.

The Women’s Ministry Leader

If you have been given the task of leading women, you have been given a very critical role in the life of your church. Women are very easily deceived by false teaching. (2 Timothy 3:6-7) Your job is to be a second line of defense after your pastor to protect these women. Don’t take it lightly. What can you do to train your women to be discerning?

1. Bring in great speakers. Only allow speakers who saturate your women in the Truth of the Word of God. Do not allow women to hear false teaching. Test your speakers against the Word of God. (1 John 4:1) Testimonies are empowering and emotional. But testimonies can never edify like the pure milk of the Word of God. (1 Peter 2:2) Make sure your speaker is faithful to the text.

2. Spend more time on Scripture than you do on activities. Make the Word of God the central part of your ministry. Women should be able to come to any event scheduled and know that whatever the activity is, it will be secondary to the Word of God. Teach your women to crave the Word by making it the main course of every event. Always. Be consistent with this and you will start to see your women change from the inside out

3. Schedule and attend sound Bible studies within your church. Leaders, if you want your women to learn to be discerning, you must offer in-depth Bible study. You may not be able to commit to being the teacher, but you can assign a godly, mature woman to teach the study. Maybe someone like Vanessa? If you are not the teacher, make it a priority to attend at least one of the women’s studies within your church. You must lead by example. The women in your church will take their cues about what’s important from two people – their pastor’s wife, and the women’s ministry leader. Be a great example so that you can echo Paul when he told others to follow his example. (1 Corinthians 11:1, 1 Corinthians 4:16, Philippians 3:17)

4. Get involved in the women’s lives. In order to discern where your women are spiritually, you must know them well. Make yourself available for the ladies. Be approachable. If you see someone struggling, ask her how you can pray for her. Just be there. You are not going to know what to offer your women if you don’t really know your women. Acts 2:43-47 gives us a beautiful picture of the church simply “doing life” together. Emulate that in your women’s ministry.

Whether you are a participant or a leader, you can make a huge difference in the women’s ministry of your church. Be consistent. Be faithful. And, by all means, be discerning. Then teach others to replicate the pattern.

I know there are many godly women reading this post who have been “in the trenches” of women’s ministry leadership for many years. Please comment any other insight you have that would help edify our women’s ministries.

Kim Wine is a Bible study teacher and speaker whose passion is to teach women how to study the Word for themselves. She is the Women’s Ministry Director at Glory Books, a Bible study equipping website. She also co-hosts the Women’s Hope Podcast each Wednesday at Glory Books, which offers biblical solutions for tough women’s issues. You can read more from Kim on her personal blog. Connect with Kim on Twitter, Facebook, or by emailing womenshope@glorybooks.org.

ALTHOUGH I DO MY BEST TO THOROUGHLY VET THE THEOLOGY OF THE BLOGGERS WHO SUBMIT GUEST POSTS, IT IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE FOR THINGS TO SLIP THROUGH THE CRACKS. PLEASE MAKE SURE ANY BLOGGER YOU FOLLOW, INCLUDING ME, RIGHTLY AND FAITHFULLY HANDLES GOD’S WORD AND HOLDS TO SOUND BIBLICAL DOCTRINE.

Discernment

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

February 26, 2016February 13, 2018 Michelle Lesley

disney dalai divangelista1 Social media and the internet are a gold mine for inspirational quotes, and today’s most popular divangelistas post a lot of them. But, does inspirational always equal biblical? Shouldn’t you be able to tell the difference between a line from a Disney movie, a platitude from the Dalai Lama, and biblical truth from a Christian leader? In homage to Tim Challies’ Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie? I give you Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?. Try to guess who said it, then click on the link below the quote to see if you were right.

1. All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness. The important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

2. Compassion naturally creates a positive atmosphere, and as a result you feel peaceful and content.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

3. Venture outside your comfort zone. The rewards are worth it.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

4. Patience to wait does not come from suffering long for what we lack but from sitting long in what we have.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

5. Today is a new day, and every day you can be one step closer to conquering your fears!

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

6. You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

7. In our struggle for freedom, truth is the only weapon we possess.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

8. In every situation, in every interaction, in every day, be a noticer of the good.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

9. All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

10. When we stop fearing failure, we start being artists.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

11. Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

12. Our fate lives within us. You only have to be brave enough to see it.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

13. You must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

14. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

15. It is useless to compare yourself to someone else. That person has a completely different path to follow.

Disney, Dalai, or Divangelista?

What was your score?
0-3:
You spend waaaay too much time reading your Bible and listening to sermon podcasts to keep up with the latest fluff from divangelistas or to get out and see a movie. The Dalai Lama? Is that the Thursday special at that Asian restaurant down the street?

4-10:
Cut back on the “inspirational” Pinterest boards and trade out your kids’ DVD of Frozen for an Awana CD. Read some books by the old dead guys like Spurgeon or Ryle, and learn how different (and how much better) Christian doctrine is from Buddhism.

11-15:
Would you consider yourself a good person?
(I kid! I kid! You probably just have a photographic memory!)

Forgiveness, Relationships, Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday ~ We’re ALL a Bunch of Bumbling Morons

February 25, 2016May 19, 2019 Michelle Lesley

Originally published November 7, 2014

I recently did something colossally stupid.

I can tell by the sound of your jaw hitting the floor that you’re shocked.

To repeat the details would be to repeat the offense, so, suffice it to say, it was the metaphorical equivalent of walking across a room and knocking over a really expensive vase. It wasn’t a sin, per se, it was just one of those oafish things we all do from time to time simply because we’re fallen humans living in a fallen world.

Blessedly, God protected the other person and me from the brunt of my bumbling. And then a beautiful thing happened. The other person passed over the incident as if it hadn’t even happened.

Wow.

Now, I can’t tell you the number of times God has had to protect me from my own stupidity (both sinful and non-sinful). One of my favorite passages is Psalm 103:13-14:

As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.

In other words, God knit together every cell in our bodies and knows every thought and action of our lives from conception to death. Nothing unexpected there, for Him. He knows what He’s got to work with. So, God being God and all, maybe it’s not so surprising that He might have that perspective. He knows all of our weaknesses and still shows us compassion. (Don’t mistake my lack of surprise for lack of gratitude. I would be a smoking crater in the ground if God didn’t treat me with that kind of mercy and compassion. I am extremely grateful for it.)

What’s down right unfathomable in this day and age of everybody wearing his feelings on his sleeve, and wanting to absolutely obliterate anyone who causes him the least amount of agitation is for one human to pass over the failure of another. Proverbs 19:11 says:

Good sense makes one slow to anger,
and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Not- confront the person and demand an apology. Not- stop speaking to the person and carry a grudge until I feel he’s been sufficiently punished. Overlook. Act like it didn’t happen. Refuse to let it change your relationship with the person. Fuhgeddaboutit.

These days, that’s rarer than a modest outfit on a Hollywood starlet, even among professing Christians.

And it shouldn’t be. Because the Bible also says:

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31

Remember that? The Golden Rule? What happened to treating others the way we would want to be treated if we were in their shoes? Yes, pernicious sin in the Body needs to be dealt with by confronting the person in mercy, love, and a spirit of restoration, but what about those non-sinful, unintentional human foibles that land in our laps? Can’t we adopt that same mercy and grace God has towards us and our weaknesses and extend it to others?

I want to get better at that. Because when you get right down to it, we’ve got enough people freaking out and flying off the handle these days. All that does is make everybody tense and unhappy. Not to get all “peace, love, and harmony” on y’all, but, well…couldn’t we use a little more peace, love, and harmony as we do life with other humanoids? And of all the people peace, love, and harmony could come from, shouldn’t it be coming from Christians first? Let’s extend some extra grace and give people room to be human. Everybody’s going to need it at one time or another.

After all, the next bumbling moron to come along just might be you.

Wednesday's Word

Wednesday’s Word ~ James 4

February 24, 2016June 2, 2020 Michelle Lesley

james 4 4

James 4

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? ²You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. ³You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. ⁴You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. ⁵Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? ⁶But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” ⁷Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.⁹Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

¹¹Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. ¹²There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

¹³Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— ¹⁴yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. ¹⁵Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. ¹⁷So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

Questions to Consider:

1. Who wrote the book of James? What was his purpose in writing the book? To whom was it written? What type of literature (historical narrative, epistle, poetry, prophecy, etc.) is this book? Is James a mostly descriptive or prescriptive book?

2. In verses 1-10, what sin(s) does James indicate is at the root of our conflicts with others (1-2), problems in our prayer life (2-3), and rifts in our relationship with God (4-10)? How would you summarize this passage in one sentence?

3. What is “friendship with the world”? (4) Does this mean we can’t associate with lost people? Why does James call his audience “adulterous people”? (4) What Old Testament events or Scriptures might this term have brought to mind for James’ Jewish readers? Why does God make such a big deal about worldliness?

4. How do verses 11-12 fit with other New Testament passages on judging? Is it “speaking evil” of someone to lovingly call her to repentance?

5. In verses 13-16, is James saying we can never make plans in advance? What does this passage teach us about God’s sovereign control over the universe and our lives? What perspective should we have about our lives in relationship to God’s sovereignty, and how should this lead us to greater humility? How does verse 17 define the concept of a “sin of omission”?

Guest Posts

Guest Post ~ A Lady First: Being a Pastor’s Wife

February 22, 2016February 21, 2016 Michelle Lesley

kesha-griffin-lady-first

A Lady First: Being a Pastor’s Wife
by: Laurel J. Davis

Reality TV makes a mockery of Christianity and I as a pastor’s wife am fed up, especially with what a lot of pastors’ wives are doing in real “real life” to perpetuate the problem.

And why are most of them Black? As an African-American pastor’s wife myself, that just adds insult to injury. Overall, the professing Christians on The Sisterhood, (cancelled, yay!), Preachers’ Daughters, Preachers of L.A., Preachers of Detroit, and Preachers of Atlanta are embarrassing. Not all pastors are about the bling. And not all pastors’ wives are arrogant, entitled, self-centered, elitist, patronizing, untouchable, I-can-do-what-I-want-I’m-the-first-lady, got-to-be-the-best-dressed, biblically illiterate, gossiping busybodies.

But a lot of us are. A lot of pastors’ wives abuse the title of “first lady in the church” (a long-held tradition in so-called African American churches). And it falls right in line with what 2 Timothy 3:6-7 warns about gullible women being taken captive.

Special attention and favor do inevitably come with being married to the most respected person in the local church. The problem is when pastors’ wives get caught up in the hype instead of gently resisting people’s natural tendency to put them on a pedestal. Allowing yourself to be called “First Lady” in the first place is the beginning of that problem.

I’m thinking about two examples. First is “Lady” Myesha Chaney, married to Pastor Wayne Chaney of Antioch Church of Long Beach, California, featured on Preachers of L.A. In one episode he needed a second in command and she wanted the job. When he hesitated, partly because the church board was against the nepotism and partly because of his own concerns about whether she could balance it with her existing responsibilities at home and church, she started crying. Her husband then, um, submitted.

Not to belittle Mrs. Chaney’s real feelings, but I’m concerned for a church where: 1) the second in command cries when she doesn’t get her way; 2) the senior pastor is easily moved by it because it’s his wife; 3) she shows such lack of trust in his God-ordained leadership; and 4) he submits to his wife and not vice-versa when it comes to a major church decision – which makes me wonder how much she was running things behind the scenes already.

The second example is “Lady” Bridget Hilliard, wife of Pastor I.V. Hilliard of New Light Christian Center in Houston, Texas. The church’s website dedicated a whole micro-site to her 50th birthday bash for $100 per person admission price, and even included gift ideas of “monetary gifts, designer handbags (Gucci, Chanel and Louis Vitton) and gift certificates (Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue, Escade).” (Houston Press) Mrs. Hilliard was already driving a Bentley with the license plate, “Mrs. Attitude.” (Guess what was on her husband’s.) Enough said.

Am I being arrogant or elitist? Anything I think I know is not because I think I have any superior insight or privileged wisdom. I am no more capable than anybody else to just, simply, measure up everything against the test of the final authority of God’s Word.

Am I gossiping? No, because I’m not addressing anything that isn’t already public knowledge.

Am I being unloving? No. My hope is that those women and their admirers will be helped out of this unbiblical way of thinking in the church. And that’s very loving, indeed.

Am I jealous? Hardly. I don’t want the title “First Lady.” Being called “Mrs. Davis” is plenty satisfying enough, thank you very much. Furthermore, I’m trying to live by Luke 12:15; Matthew 6:19 and 1 Timothy 6:6-8.

Too many “first ladies” fail to see that being a pastor’s wife is a privilege, not an entitlement. It’s a calling, not a status level. It’s a position of support and service, not of being served. It’s an opportunity to bless, not control. It’s about modeling a pricelessly adorned spirit, not the latest Gucci bag. It’s a responsibility to give God all the glory, not share it with Him.

I’ve been a pastor’s wife for almost 23 years. With all of its perks come a lot of pitfalls. Don’t seek the role unless you know you’re called by God, because a pastor is supposed to be a servant, and so are you as his biggest supporter and closest disciple. Plus, you’ll have to endure a lot of sacrifice, scrutiny, trials, tests, second-guessing, attacks, betrayal, and loneliness. The fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-24) will have to be in operation on double-time.

Being a pastor’s wife also means seeing the blessing of the fruit of your labor in serving, guiding your precious sisters and young women (Titus 2:3-5), and first and foremost being a fitting helpmate to your husband both at home and at church.

In short, be a “lady first.” Be a woman – pastor’s wife or not – after God’s own heart, first. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, a “lady first” is content with her husband and children honoring her even if no one else ever does (cf. verses 28-29). Then, it’s her good deeds — not her title, position, possessions or fashion style — that garner admiration from outside the home (verses 30-31). And like the Titus 2 woman (verses 3-5), she knows her responsibility to younger women, lives holy, avoids idolatry, shuns gossip, teaches biblically, is level-headed, loves and yields to her husband, nurtures her children, and makes her home a refuge – all so that she will not open up the Word of God to be maligned, cheapened or discredited.

It’s a constant striving already to be the Proverbs 31/Ephesians 5/Titus 2/1 Peter 3 woman even without the added responsibility of supporting a husband’s ministry. But being a lady first, more than being a first lady, is what is most beautiful in the eyes of your husband, your children, your church and, most importantly of all, your Heavenly Father.

-Originally published at The Reluctant First Lady

Laurel Davis is a pastor’s wife in Los Angeles. A freelance magazine writer, she also writes for Got Questions? and Blogos, and has her own blog, The Reluctant First Lady. Laurel and her husband Charlton, who produces and co-hosts What Does the Bible Say?, have been married for almost 29 years, have four grown children, one grandchild and another one on the way. Follow Lauren on Facebook or email her at reluctantfirstlady@gmail.com