Is it all right for a Christian to get divorced? What are the biblical grounds for divorce?
God holds marriage in very high esteem because it is a picture of Christ and His bride, the church (Ephesians 5:22ff). In Matthew 19:1-9, Jesus is clear that marriage is precious and not to be discarded carelessly as it was in the Old Testament under the Mosaic covenant. Here, He also gives us one of two reasons Christians may (but are not required to) biblically divorce: adultery.
The second reason Christians may divorce on biblical grounds is found in 1 Corinthians 7:15. If an unbelieving spouse abandons the believing spouse, the believer is not held to the bonds of marriage and may divorce.
Naturally, divorce is a last resort even in these two situations. There are many beautiful stories of marriages surviving adultery through forgiveness. As well, there are many husbands who have been saved after witnessing their wives’ faithfulness to Christ. God’s desire is always for reconciliation whenever possible.
If you have a question about: a well known Christian author/leader, a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Questions. As Christian women, we’ve all got them: “How can I grow in my walk with the Lord?” “Where can I get some good advice on being a more godly wife?” “What’s a great resource for biblical parenting?” These days, it can be hard to know where to turn for great answers that are also biblically sound. Here are ten biblical resources to get you started.
1. Your Bible. Remember 2 Timothy 3:16-17?
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.
It might sound painfully obvious, but sometimes we go on the hunt for answers that are hidden in plain sight in God’s word. Study your Bible daily: good sized chunks of it, in context, from a good translation. And make some notes as you read.
2.BibleGateway I can’t recommend this site highly enough. Want to check out a different version of the Bible? BibleGateway has dozens (and in scads of languages besides English), some even available in audio format. It also has a phenomenal concordance, Bible commentaries, dictionaries, and other tools to help you as you study God’s word.
3.GotQuestions.org Always wondered what a particular verse means? Want to know what the Bible says about a certain topic? GQ answers–from Scripture– your toughest Bible questions. Their articles are brief and easy for even the newest Christian to understand.
4.CARM.org If you’re new to studying apologetics, theology, or doctrinal issues (or even if you’re not), the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry is an awesome clearinghouse of information. CARM’s articles are informative, yet written in easily understandable vocabulary for those of us who aren’t seminarians. While it covers a massive range of topics, two of its strongest points are its “Religious Groups and Cults” section (explaining what various non-Christian groups believe, how those beliefs are contrary to Scripture, and how to share the gospel with people from these groups), and its new, but growing “Preachers and Teachers” section, which examines the teachings of popular Christian teachers.
5.Answers in Genesis Don’t let the name fool you– AIG is so much more than a fantastic Creation resource. They have articles on every biblical topic you could imagine, plus great resources and curricula for home school, Sunday school, and Vacation Bible School. And, if you’re ever in the Cincinnati area, be sure to check out the amazing Creation Museum and Ark Encounter!
6.Grace to You The media ministry of John MacArthur is a godsend to the church. Here, you’ll find sermons on just about every passage in the Bible, a store with all of Dr. MacArthur’s books, Q&A articles, the MacArthur Study Bible introduction to every book of the Bible, and so much more!
7. Berean Research What in the world is going on in the church these days? Amy and Marsha will keep you up to date on the latest news about well known churches, ministries, Christian personalities, and movements and events inside evangelicalism. Wondering if you’re hearing false doctrine or following a false teacher? Berean Research has the answers.
8. RickThomas.net (aka: Counseling Solutions) A Fellow with the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, Rick Thomas has served as both a counselor and pastor, and currently runs a training program for biblical counselors. His articles deal with a number of discipleship-related topics, but his Scripturally-rooted counsel on marriage, parenting, and other relationship issues is without peer. Articles appearing on the site are rapidly archived, so read them right away, or consider becoming a paid member (only $5 per month, and well worth it in my opinion).
9. Shepherding the Heart Ministries Tedd Tripp, author of the superb, gospel-centered parenting book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, provides helpful, biblical information on his web site for moms and dads seeking to be more godly parents. He answers a number of parenting questions via brief videos, and you can even contact him with your own questions.
10. Challies.com Tim Challies is a Christian blogger and author. I love his daily thoughts on life and the Lord, but his book reviews are another strong feature of his site. Tim reviews dozens of popular Christian books every year. Most of his reviews are of non-fiction books (usually Christian Living and theology), but if a fiction book is making a big impact, he’ll review it. If you want to know how the Christian books you’re reading stack up to Scripture, run the author’s name through the Challies.com search bar and check out Tim’s review. For true bookaholics, Tim sends out a daily list of good books that are on sale (or free!) for Kindle, and his weekly “Free Stuff Friday” is usually a giveaway of more awesome books.
Your turn: Are you a fan of any of these resources? Got another doctrinally sound resource you’d like to recommend?
When the seventh month came, and the children of Israel were in the towns, the people gathered as one man to Jerusalem.2 Then arose Jeshua the son of Jozadak, with his fellow priests, and Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel with his kinsmen, and they built the altar of the God of Israel, to offer burnt offerings on it, as it is written in the Law of Moses the man of God.3 They set the altar in its place, for fear was on them because of the peoples of the lands, and they offered burnt offerings on it to the Lord, burnt offerings morning and evening.4 And they kept the Feast of Booths, as it is written, and offered the daily burnt offerings by number according to the rule, as each day required,5 and after that the regular burnt offerings, the offerings at the new moon and at all the appointed feasts of the Lord, and the offerings of everyone who made a freewill offering to the Lord.6 From the first day of the seventh month they began to offer burnt offerings to the Lord. But the foundation of the temple of the Lord was not yet laid.7 So they gave money to the masons and the carpenters, and food, drink, and oil to the Sidonians and the Tyrians to bring cedar trees from Lebanon to the sea, to Joppa, according to the grant that they had from Cyrus king of Persia.
8 Now in the second year after their coming to the house of God at Jerusalem, in the second month, Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel and Jeshua the son of Jozadak made a beginning, together with the rest of their kinsmen, the priests and the Levites and all who had come to Jerusalem from the captivity. They appointed the Levites, from twenty years old and upward, to supervise the work of the house of the Lord.9 And Jeshua with his sons and his brothers, and Kadmiel and his sons, the sons of Judah, together supervised the workmen in the house of God, along with the sons of Henadad and the Levites, their sons and brothers.
10 And when the builders laid the foundation of the temple of the Lord, the priests in their vestments came forward with trumpets, and the Levites, the sons of Asaph, with cymbals, to praise the Lord, according to the directions of David king of Israel.11 And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the Lord,
“For he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever toward Israel.”
And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid.12 But many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers’ houses, old men who had seen the first house, wept with a loud voice when they saw the foundation of this house being laid, though many shouted aloud for joy,13 so that the people could not distinguish the sound of the joyful shout from the sound of the people’s weeping, for the people shouted with a great shout, and the sound was heard far away.
1. Read Ezra 3 and summarize the story line in 1-2 sentences. What was the first thing the people did when they arrived in Jerusalem after coming out of exile? (1, also 2:70) After the people had settled into their homes and towns, what was the first structure they built? (2) The second? (10)
2. What does verse 1 mean when it says the people gathered “as one man“? In what aspects can the church come together “as one man” when we meet for worship or do Kingdom work? Who led the way in rebuilding the altar (2-3) and what were their positions of leadership over the people?
3. In verses 2-6, what do the phrases “as it is written in the Law of Moses” (2), “as it is written,” and “according to the rule” (4), mean? How do the people’s actions in these verses show that their worship was guided by Scripture and carried out in obedience to it? How do the altar and the sacrifices point us to Christ’s sacrifice for us on the cross? Consider the worship service at your church. Are all aspects of the service guided by Scripture and carried out in obedience to it? Does your worship service center around Christ and the cross?
4. Considering the spiritual significance of the first temple, why would it have been important to rebuild the temple? Compare verses 8-10 with Luke 6:46-49. What are some parallels between Israel laying the foundation of the temple according to God’s word and the foundation of our faith today being obedience to Christ and His word?
5. Compare verses 11-13 with 2 Chronicles 7:1-10. What are some of the similarities and differences between the people’s response to completion of Solomon’s temple and their response to the laying of the foundation of the post-exilic temple? (Especially compare v. 11 with 7:3 and v. 12-13 with 7:10). Was there any weeping at the completion of Solomon’s temple? Why would the “old men” have been weeping in verses 11-12? Recalling all that had happened to Israel between the completion of Solomon’s temple and the laying of the foundation of the post-exilic temple, was there good reason for both joy and weeping? What were those reasons?
6. In what ways could the laying of the foundation of the temple be considered Israel’s being “born again”? Think about…
…how the exile points to our captivity by the enemy and bondage to sin
…how God delivered His people from bondage through Jeshua the high priest, who “made a beginning” (8) of the foundation, and how God delivered us through Yeshua our High Priest who made a beginning – the beginning and the end, the founder and perfecter – of our faith.
…how the people mourned over the sin that had destroyed God’s ideal dwelling yet rejoiced over beginning a new life with Him, delivered and forgiven, and how we do the same when we come to new life in Christ.
Discernment- it’s a dirty job, but somebody’s gotta do it. While I’m a women’s discipleship blogger rather than a discernment blogger, discernment is part of discipleship. And it’s sorely lacking among Christian women today, which is why it’s regularly featured in my writing.
I’ve been very encouraged by the hundreds of e-mails, messages, and comments I’ve received from women who have turned away from false teachers or helped their loved ones and churches to forsake false doctrine because of something I have written. (I claim absolutely no credit for that. God and His Word get all the glory. He is the one who changes hearts, not me.) It’s such a blessing to hear from so many women who are actively pursuing Christ and the truth of His Word.
Unfortunately, there are also occasional comments and messages from women who are disciples of the false teachers I warn against, who take me to task for doing so. The same unscriptural accusations are raised again and again against me and against others who take a biblical stand against false teachers and false doctrine.
Here, in no particular order, are the most frequently raised objections to my discernment work and my answers to them. Many readers have told me that these same objections have been raised to them when they warn others of false teachers. Please feel free to use this article as a resource if these objections are raised with you.
Amy Spreeman and I recorded a series of A Word Fitly Spoken podcast episodes dealing with each of the items in this article. I’ve included a link to the appropriate episode in each section in case you’d like to listen.
1. Did you contact Ms. Twisted Sister* in obedience to Matthew 18:15-20 before publishing this article about her?
No, I have not confronted Ms. Twisted Sister about her false teaching. Here’s why:
a. The Matthew 18 passage does not apply to public false teaching. It is about sin in the local congregation where you actually know the offender personally and have access to him/her. It has to do with correcting sin in the local church and removing the offender from the local church if she refuses to repent. Jesus, Paul, and others refuted public false teaching publicly without following the (again, inapplicable) steps in Matthew 18 many times. D.A. Carson and Randy Alcorn have each written excellent articles further explaining the inapplicability of this passage to public false teaching. The real question is, why hasn’t the teacher’s own pastor placed her under church discipline for teaching men and/or teaching false doctrine?
b. I have no doubt that others have confronted her about these things. Plus, she has a Bible and supposedly knows it well enough to teach it. If so, then she is well aware of what the Bible says about these issues. If not, she does not know the Bible well enough to be teaching (James 3:1).
c. I have attempted plenty of times to contact people like Ms. Twisted Sister. One of two things happens: either I’m ignored altogether, or one of her underlings gets back in touch with me to defend her. It’s a complete waste of time.
d. What if I had contacted Ms. Twisted Sister and she flatly refused to repent of the false doctrine she’s teaching? Would you then be in full support of my article which warns against her? No? Then whether or not I attempted to contact her is not the issue you have with this article, so why bring it up?
2. You say that Ms. Twisted Sister* is in disobedience to Scripture because she preaches to men. You’re just as guilty because you have a blog and social media pages that men can read.
All this accusation does is to demonstrate the accuser’s lack of understanding of Scripture and how to correctly study it in context, which are fruits of sitting under the “instruction” of false teachers who don’t train people in proper hermeneutics.
Having a blog in the public square for women that men “trespass” on is not the same thing as intentionally and unrepentantly preaching to men in the church setting as I’ve explained in further detail in this article.
Furthermore, when “trespassing” takes place, who is at fault- the person trespassed upon or the trespasser himself? If a man is improperly receiving biblical instruction from a blog for women the man is the one at fault, not the woman blogger who has no intention of instructing him.
3. But look how many people Ms. Twisted Sister* is helping! I’ve grown so much in my relationship with the Lord because of her!
No you haven’t. It is impossible to grow to biblical, Christian maturity by following someone who teaches false doctrine, just like it’s impossible to grow physically healthy by eating a diet of poison. The only kind of growing you can do by following a false teacher is growing away from the Lord, despite what you may think or feel. Second Timothy 3:7 clearly says that those who follow false teachers are “never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.” If it’s impossible for a teacher to lead you to know the truth of Scripture, how in the world is she helping you or anybody else?
False teachers are not “helping” anyone but themselves. Just like the false teachers Paul spoke out against, they are “teaching for shameful gain what they ought not to teach.”
The size or apparent success of a false teacher’s ministry also does not prove that she is helping people or teaching God’s Word correctly. Jesus always taught biblical truth, and yet we read in John 6 that after one of His teaching sessions, “many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him”. The size of a ministry is not an indicator of whether or not it is biblical.
Finally, the “help” a ministry provides is not an indication that the false teacher is doing what is right in God’s eyes. Did you know that several medical procedures that have helped many people were discovered in World War II concentration camps during torturous experiments on inmates? Does the fact that those medical procedures have helped so many people justify the torture the Nazis inflicted on their victims? The ends do not justify the means, especially in Christianity.
4. You’re creating division and disunity by speaking out against Ms. Twisted Sister*.
No, again, this demonstrates a lack of knowledge about what the Bible actually teaches. Scripture is abundantly clear that it is the false teachers, not those speaking out against them, who are creating division and disunity. See Jude 18-19 and Romans 16:17-18.
The solution to this division and disunity is for false teachers to repent of their false doctrine, learn how to rightly handle and teach God’s word, and begin to teach sound doctrine, not for discerning Christians to keep quiet.
5. You’re slandering Ms. Twisted Sister* by warning against her.
The dictionary definition of slander is: “to make a false spoken statement that causes people to have a bad opinion of someone.” (So, technically the correct word would be libel when we’re talking about writing, because slander has to do with verbal speech.)
The key word in the definition of slander is “false.” When I demonstrate that someone is a false teacher, I do so by providing ample truthful video, audio, or text evidence of what the person says or does and compare it with what the Bible says. This is not slander. This is similar to what a lawyer does in court when examining someone accused of a crime. The lawyer provides evidence of the accused’s words and behavior and compares it to the law so a judge or jury can decide whether or not the accused is guilty of breaking the law. The fact that you don’t like the verdict doesn’t mean the lawyer is slandering the accused by exposing her own words and behavior.
6. You’re being unkind, unloving, ungodly, divisive, hateful, self-righteous, mean, critical, etc. for calling out false teachers.
Every single book of the New Testament except Philemon warns against false teachers or false doctrine. Jesus called out false teachers. So did Peter, Paul, John, Jude, and other New Testament figures. And they usually did so much more harshly than I do. Are you ready to say that Jesus Himself and the apostles writing under the inspiration of God the Holy Spirit were being unloving, ungodly, hateful, etc., for speaking against false teachers? That’s a very serious allegation to make against the Jesus you claim to follow.
Discernment work, done properly (and I’m not denying that sometimes it’s done improperly) is done out of love– love for the victims of false teachers. It’s the same love that sees an oblivious child in the street with a truck bearing down on him and snatches the child out of harm’s way. It is not loving to let people continue to believe false doctrine that may lead them to an eternity in hell without at least trying to rescue them.
7. Ms. Twisted Sister* may not always be right but that doesn’t mean she’s a false teacher. We all get things wrong.
Following that logic, I would be accusing every pastor in the history of the New Testament church of being a false teacher, including Paul and the apostles, because they have all made mistakes in their preaching at some point. And I’m certainly not doing that.
In the same way that a driver, despite taking every precaution, could one day accidentally hit and kill a pedestrian is different from a person who decides to go out and become a serial killer, there is a big difference between a pastor who generally preaches sound doctrine, makes an innocent mistake, repents of it, corrects it, and goes on to continue to preach sound doctrine, and a person who unrepentantly, and despite continued rebuke, wallows in false doctrine and rebelliously keeps teaching it. Let’s not pretend that the two are the same. These are not innocent mistakes these false teachers are making and repenting of. This is the continuous, rebellious, proclamation of false doctrine.
8. Maybe Ms. Twisted Sister* says some things that are wrong, bibically, but she says some good things, too. I just “chew up the meat and spit out the bones”.
Please show me the Scripture, chapter and verse, in context that says that this is the way we are to deal with false teachers. Hint- it doesn’t. It says exactly the opposite. It says we are to have nothing to do with false teachers, and that if we embrace them, we are taking part in their wicked works. See Romans 16:17-18, 2 John 9-11, 2 Corinthians 6:14-18, Ephesians 5:11,and Titus 1:9-16.
9. You’re judging Ms. Twisted Sister*! The Bible says not to judge.
No, the Bible says not to judge improperly or unbiblically. The same Jesus who said not to judge improperly in Mathew 7 also said we are to “judge with right judgment” in John 7.
Matthew 18:15-20 and 1 Corinthians 5:11-13 are clear that it is the duty of Christians to make scriptural judgments about sin in the church and excommunicate so called Christians who unrepentantly persist in sin.
The Bible does not say not to judge at all, it says to do it biblically.
10. You shouldn’t be writing against Ms. Twisted Sister*, you should just be praying for her.
First of all, I do pray regularly for false teachers. But to say we should only pray for them and not warn others of them is to say that Jesus and all the other New Testament figures who warned against false teachers and false doctrine – under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit – were wrong to do so and should simply have prayed for them. Are you willing to level that kind of accusation against Jesus and the Holy Spirit?
It’s disappointing for people who idolize a certain teacher – someone they’re so sure is helping them grow closer to the Lord – to hear hard truths about this person they’ve come to love and admire. I get that. I’ve stood in their shoes. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid or being doused with a bucket of cold water. But, as I said, it is not loving to see people believing false doctrine without at least making an attempt to rescue them, even if it hurts at first. Let us pull them back from the brink in love and patience. Second Timothy 2:24-26 says it best:
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.
*Every now and then someone will read this article and email me in utter confusion about just who this “Ms. Twisted Sister” is. It’s probably because I’m old and one of the few people who grew up in the 1980’s who still remembers the heavy metal band that was named Twisted Sister. (Unbelievably, these geezers are still at it, and I would certainly not recommend that you listen to or follow them.)
Anyway, I apologize for my lack of clarity. “Ms. Twisted Sister” is simply a more colorful way of using a generic or “fill in the blank” name for whichever false teacher is being discussed at the moment than saying “Teacher X” or “Jane Smith” or “the false teacher” or whatever.
I fancied it a clever play on words because the false teachers people most often use the above arguments to defend are usually female (I guess I could use “Mr. Bent Brother” for the male false teachers. That was actually the original name of the band Twisted Sister, but this is way more of the history of Twisted Sister than you ever wanted to know, and I digress.). These female false teachers “twist” Scripture (i.e. take it out of context), and are not Christians, despite their claims to be “sisters” in Christ. So not only do they twist Scripture, their “sisterhood” is also twisted. The “Ms.” is a hat tip to the second wave feminism the mid-20th century tried to drown us in, because feminism nearly always plays a significant part in the why and how of these women becoming false teachers, whether they admit it, or realize it, or not.
Bible study. As Christians we want to do it, we know we’re supposed to do it, but have you ever stopped to think that there are right ways and wrong ways to do it? Let’s take a look at a few do’s and don’ts of “rightly dividing God’s Word” in Bible study.
Do use a good translation, not a paraphrase. You want to get as close to the original wording as possible. There are a number of easy to read, accurate translations out there. The Legacy Standard Bible (LSB), English Standard Version (ESV) and New American Standard Bible (NASB) are two of the best. Try some translations on for size at BibleGateway.com.
Do read the entire Bible from cover to cover at least every few years. It will give you a better understanding of the “big picture” of the Bible and how all the little pieces inside it fit together. (I highly recommend a chronological reading plan since the books of the Bible aren’t always arranged chronologically.)
Don’t neglect the textual context. Every Bible verse has what I call a “micro-context” (how it fits in with the verses immediately before and after it) a larger context (how it fits in with the chapter and book it’s in) and a “macro-context” (how it fits in with the big picture of the Bible). When we fail to take verses in context, we are mishandling and misappropriating God’s precious and holy Word.
Do consider the cultural context. Who wrote the passage, and what do we know about him and his perspective? To whom was the passage written- Jews or Gentiles? Those under the Law or those under grace? Men or women? Pastors or lay people? How did the culture at the time view the topic – God, Judaism, the church, etc. – the passage is about? At what period in history, in which country, and in what language was the passage written? A good study Bible or study Bible app can be a tremendous help here.
Don’t confuse descriptive texts (passages that describe something that happened to somebody) with prescriptive texts (a command we’re to obey). Just because you read that Noah built an ark or that Judas went out and hanged himself, doesn’t mean that God is telling you to do the same (thank goodness!). Those are descriptive passages. God is simply telling the story of what happened to someone else because it somehow fits into His bigger story of redemption.
Do consider the type of literature and literary devices you’re reading. Is this book of the Bible history? Poetry? Law? Prophecy? Epistle? Is the particular passage a song, metaphor, hyperbole, comparison, allegory, parable? The Bible uses various vehicles to drive truth home, and they must all be understood in different ways.
Don’t feel like you HAVE to use a Bible study or devotional book or workbook. It really is OK to just pick up the actual Bible and study it. God made His Word understandable, made you smart enough to understand it, and gave you the indwelling Holy Spirit to illumine your understanding.
Do, if you decide to use one, choose a doctrinally sound Bible study book or workbook that treats Scripture as the “swimming pool” you dive into and swim around in, not the “diving board” the author springs off of into a pool filled only with her own personal stories, anecdotes, and opinions.
Do read the Bible in orderly chunks, not in single verses. Think about the way you would read a magazine. Do you pick it up each day and read a random sentence or paragraph? Do you read the third page of an article before you read the first page of it? You’ll best understand a book of the Bible if you start at the beginning and read the chapters in order to the end.
Don’t give in to the temptation to read yourself into Scripture. The Bible isn’t our story. Approach every passage remembering that the Bible is God’s story of redemption through Christ from His perspective, and we study it to learn about and draw closer to Him.
Don’t underestimate how helpful your Bible’s cross-references to related verses can be. Reading several different passages on a particular topic you’re studying can give you a broader understanding of what the Bible has to say about it.
Do let clear passages interpret unclear passages. This is another reason cross-references are so handy. If you come across a passage you just don’t get, try reading related passages that are clearer, and understand the unclear passage in light of the clearer ones.
Lengthy tomes have been written on the topic of biblical hermeneutics and Bible study methods, so I’m sure I could go on at length, but it’s your turn:
Have you ever found it difficult or daunting to study the Bible?
What are some of the benefits of rightly handling God’s word?
How has a right understanding of Scripture helped you to grow
in your walk with the Lord?
Previous Lessons: 
