Category: Mailbag

Mailbag

The Mailbag: I Have to Preach Because No Man Will Step Up

Michelle Lesley

Originally published February 19, 2018

I’ve recently met a woman who is a “pastor” of a church. When asked why she is preaching to men, her response was this:

“Men will not teach. None will stand up. We started as a congregation of women and slowly some husbands came, as well as their sons. But none will take responsibility. So if I do not speak truth and stand up, who will?”

This was in another country I recently visited where men do not take authority, nor do they desire it. Women are primary in every area.

This is a difficult situation to be in, and I do sympathize. I’ve been in church and family situations in which men were not being the godly leaders they were supposed to be. It’s very frustrating. Even more so in the case of your friend, because Scripture prohibits women from stepping in and taking over when a man will not lead the church.

(And all of this, and the following, goes for women in any church who have “stepped in” to a pastoral role or a role Scripture reserves for men such as, but not limited to: worship leader/minister of music, any other pastoral or elder position – with or without the title of “pastor/elder,” teaching co-ed adult Sunday School, Bible study, or small groups, etc.)

But in addition to the fact that the Bible is very clear that your friend is not to preach to men, she’s doing a terrible job as “pastor” on several other counts:

✢ She doesn’t believe God’s Word.

✢ She doesn’t trust God enough to obey His Word.

✢ She doesn’t fear God enough to obey His Word.

✢ She doesn’t believe in the necessity of prayer, or in God’s provision, enough to ask Him to provide a pastor.

✢ She’s not teaching her “congregation” to cry out to the Lord and trust Him to provide. Instead, she’s teaching them to take matters into their own hands when they need something, even if it means disobeying God’s Word. (Kind of like Sarah did.)

✢ She’s teaching her “congregation” that they it’s OK to disobey God if it’s difficult or inconvenient to obey Him.

✢ She’s teaching the women that they don’t have to submit to God’s design for biblical womanhood.

✢ She’s teaching the men to continue to be lazy and shirk their God-given duty to lead. Why should they when a woman is all too willing to step in and do the work for them?

She asks, “If I do not speak truth and stand up, who will?”. My answer to that question is, “That’s God’s business to take care of, not yours.” Her business is to obey Him and trust Him to work out everything else. And besides, she’s not “standing up and speaking truth”, she’s standing up and speaking or demonstrating all the untruths I enumerated above.

My counsel to this woman would be to immediately step down as “pastor,” stop preaching to and instructing the men, and publicly repent to God and to everyone in the church for her sins of disobeying God’s Word and setting a bad example for the church. She should inform them that she will no longer be preaching but that she will be praying for God to raise up a pastor, either from among the men of the church or from outside the church.

The men and women can, and should, meet to pray and sing together every Sunday. One of the other women (the former “pastor” needs to sit out of leadership for a while) can certainly teach a women’s Bible study class. But if the men want a Bible teacher or pastor, one of them is going to have to step up and do it, or God will have to send a man from somewhere else. And the women need to be sure they’re holding their ground and refusing to step into that role. What a godly testimony of obedience they will be to the men! Hopefully, it will shame the men over their own disobedience.

God doesn’t give anyone permission to disobey Him just because it’s hard or inconvenient. It was the hardest thing in the world for Jesus to go to the cross, but He did it anyway because He was obedient to His Father. He was willing to die rather than disobey. That is the example she needs to follow.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
Hebrews 12:4

In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:6

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.
Psalm 37:5

When we face tests of our faith, it is not time to take the easy way out and sin, it is God stretching us and giving us an opportunity to trust and obey Him so He can use that situation as a vehicle for growing us to greater maturity and Christlikeness.

This lady, and the rest of the church, has the opportunity here to cry out fervently to God to provide them with a pastor and then trust Him to act on their behalf. That’s exactly what Lydia and the other women at Philippi did, and God sent them Paul!

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:7-11

Which would bring more glory to God and be more of a testimony to His greatness: for this lady to have taken matters into her own hands and sinned, or for her and the rest of the women to obey God, for everyone to pray and trust God for a pastor, and then to have the awesome experience of God answering that prayer?

There’s nothing amazing, especially in that culture, about men being lazy and women stepping in and picking up the slack. Why have a Christian church that is supposed to be following the all powerful God of the universe be just one more example of that? Instead, they could have an incredible testimony of God providing a pastor and changing the hearts of the men of the church to take responsibility and lead. What kind of an impact would that have on the surrounding culture? How many doors might that open for that church to share the gospel?

Additional Resources

Rock Your Role: Jill in the Pulpit

Basic Training: Obedience: 8 Ways to Stop Making Excuses and Start Obeying Scripture

Basic Training: 5 Ways to Face Tests and Trials Biblically

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Complementarianism, Discernment, False Teachers, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Renaissance festivals… Women pastors & false teachers- destined for Hell?)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

(I had the opportunity to ask this questioner for a little clarity, so the questioner’s words are in bold.)

Is it ok for Christians to attend Renaissance Festivals? I would really like to go but I don’t know that I should because of some of the occult practices there.

If there are occult practices going on, then I definitely don’t know enough about Renaissance festivals to give you a definitive yes or no. I thought it was just LARPing and cosplay, and jousting, and minstrels, and stuff like that.

Would you say the occult stuff is woven into pretty much everything, or is it more at the fringes while the majority of the festival is harmless fun?

I have only attended the one in our area once and I feel like it is mostly harmless fun, but am always on guard when I see fortune tellers and vendors who promote magic and sorcery.

Then I would say that this is an issue of conscience. If the occult stuff is self-contained and you can avoid it by, for example, just not visiting the booths promoting it, I don’t see any reason you can’t go and just stick to the “harmless fun” stuff.

On the other hand, if it would bother your conscience to even be near the occult stuff, or to financially support an organization that welcomes the occult stuff (by purchasing a ticket), or something like that, then you should not sin against your conscience by going. See Romans 14 (especially v. 23) and James 4:17.

Whatever you decide to do, have a good time that day!

I grew up in a charismtic church where there were tons of women pastors so I am trying to understand a lot as I have had to navigate a lot of false Christianity I was taught. Do women preachers go to hell if they dont repent and turn? I know this is a secondary issue, but I am struggling to understand this. Any insight is so appreciated!

I praise God with you about how He’s growing you in the knowledge of the truth of His Word!

In a nutshell, people don’t go to Hell because they’re committing a particular sin. People go to Hell because they haven’t repented of all their sin in general and placed their faith in Christ as Savior.

People who have placed their faith in Christ as Savior are new creatures in Christ. We still sin, but when we do, we repent of that sin and strive not to do it again. We are on a general upward trajectory ↗️ of growing in holiness, sinning less, obeying Scripture more, and becoming more Christlike over time.

People who have not placed their faith in Christ as Savior – even those who claim to be Christians – are still dead in their trespasses and sins. They are not on that upward trajectory of holiness. Depending on the issue, they’re still on their current path of sin ↔️ or on a downward trajectory ↘️ of increasing sin, unholiness, and disobedience to Scripture.

When you see someone who lives in willful, unrepentant sin (whether it’s the sin of women preaching or any other sin), that is the fruit of someone who is unsaved, not the fruit of someone who is saved (see 1 John 1:5-10, 2:3-6, 3:4-10, 5:3, Matthew 7:15-23).

That is why most women pastors / preachers will spend their eternity in Hell. Not due to that particular sin, but because that sin is a fruit (usually just one of many) that demonstrates that they aren’t saved. A woman who is genuinely saved may fall into the sin of preaching to men, usually out of ignorance of what the Bible teaches about it, but God will convict her of that sin, and she will repent of it and stop doing it. That was certainly true of me and of other women I’ve talked to about this issue.

Additional Resources:

Women Preaching: It’s Not a Secondary Doctrinal Issue

The Mailbag: Counter Arguments to Egalitarianism (See especially the section that begins with “The next foundational issue we need to explore is who we’re addressing…”)

What must I do to be saved?

Am I Really Saved? A 1 John Check-Up

I am very much concerned about the correct way to understand your list of people on your website. Are most of the people you have on your list false teachers meaning they are condemned to hell? You did say it was a mixture, and I do remember at least one that after clicking on the name says not recommended so that one is clear.

I really tried to understand your explanation of that list but I’m still confused. You said some are specially highlighted and I do see the ones in yellow, but the majority are not in highlight. And I don’t see the ones highlighted in red or green on that list.

So it looks like some are not considered lost…but? So for example a person such as Michael Heiser who I think is a child of God and on the list would be considered false by you and therefore condemned along with say Joyce Meyer and maybe some of the rest? I think it would be more clear if they were all marked or highlighted at least to me. It’s scary to think of true believers being cast out. Thanks.

Great questions! Let’s break it down a little…

This reader is asking about the list of teachers and ministries at my Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

Are most of the people you have on your list false teachers meaning they are condemned to hell? You did say it was a mixture… [of false teachers who are going to Hell and people who are not false teachers who are not going to Hell – at least this is my (Michelle’s) understanding of what she’s asking]

A teacher’s eternal destination has nothing to do with why s/he is on the list, and my labeling someone a false teacher is not a commentary on his/her eternal destination. (More about that in a sec.) The people on the list are there because of what they teach. When I say someone is a false teacher, it’s because of what s/he teaches. This is not a list of people you should avoid because they’re going to Hell, it is a list of people you should avoid because of what they teach. Whether or not these people are destined for Hell is irrelevant to your sanctification and understanding of the Word, but what they teach is very relevant, and that’s why they’re on the list.

…after clicking on the name says not recommended so that one is clear.

Most of the names on the list are linked to an article I wrote. At the top of all of my discernment articles, right under the picture of the teacher, it says “Not Recommended” (or I wouldn’t be writing an article on him/her). “Not Recommended” does not necessarily equal “false teacher”. There are a handful of teachers on the list who are biblically problematic enough that I would not recommend that you follow them (i.e. “Not Recommended”) but I don’t feel like they’ve quite qualified for the label of “false teacher” yet, either.

There are also names on the list that are linked to an article or resource from someone else, so the “Not Recommended” label isn’t there.

Here’s what you need to know, bottom line: I don’t recommend you follow anyone or any ministry on that list. That’s why they’re on the list in the first place.

I really tried to understand your explanation of that list but I’m still confused. You said some are specially highlighted and I do see the ones in yellow, but the majority are not in highlight. And I don’t see the ones highlighted in red or green on that list.

OK, here’s what the questioner is referring to. It’s in the introduction to the list. I’ve added some highlights to help answer her questions:

You will see a few names in the list below highlighted in yellow. I have something of a “green light, yellow light, red light” system of categorizing teachers. You’ll find my “green light” (Go! – doctrinally sound, highly recommended teachers) teachers at the Recommended Bible Teachers tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. My “red light” (Stop! – false and biblically problematic teachers) teachers are most of those listed below. But because of the way people use my blog to research false teachers, it was most user friendly to also include the “yellow light” teachers below.

“Yellow light” teachers (Caution, slow down!) are teachers I do not believe scripturally qualify for the label of “false teacher” yet, but are biblically problematic enough that I recommend you not follow them or use their materials. Please READ the linked information carefully, and do not make assumptions about any teacher merely by seeing her name (or not seeing her name) listed below.

Here’s what this means:

  • There are no “green light” or “recommended” teachers on the list at the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab. All “green light” teachers I recommend are at a completely different tab, the Recommended Bible Teachers tab.
  • All of the teachers on the list at the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab are “red light” teachers except the ones highlighted in yellow.
  • All of the teachers at the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab are not recommended (I do not recommend that you follow them) regardless of whether or not they’re highlighted in yellow, and regardless of whether or not, when you click on their names, an article pops up that says “Not Recommended” at the top.

Are most of the people you have on your list false teachers meaning they are condemned to hell?

As I mentioned above, a teacher’s eternal destination is not a factor when I put someone on the list or when I use the term false teacher. I put them on the list to warn and protect you, not to pronounce judgment (about their eternity) on them.

So, I hope you won’t mind, but I’m going to tweak your question just a little:

Do people go to Hell because they’re false teachers?

If that question sounds familiar, that’s because it’s basically the same question that was asked in the previous section of this article – “Do women preachers go to Hell?”. And I would give you basically the same answer I gave that reader:

In a nutshell, people don’t go to Hell because they’re committing a particular sin. People go to Hell because they haven’t repented of all their sin in general and placed their faith in Christ as Savior.

Are virtually all false teachers destined to an eternity in Hell? Yes, because before they ever became false teachers they were already not saved, and that is why people spend their eternity in Hell. The fact that they’re unsaved is why people become false teachers, or women “pastors,” or bank robbers, or drag queens or whatever sinful way of life they’ve chosen. Those particular sins are the bad fruit borne by an already bad tree:

“Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves.You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits.

“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, in Your name did we not prophesy, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name do many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’

Matthew 7:15-23

In short, people who are on a general life trajectory of unholiness, disobedience to Scripture, fighting against God and His Word, etc., are not saved, and will spend their eternity in Hell.

Michael Heiser who I think is a child of God and on the list would be considered false by you and therefore condemned along with say Joyce Meyer and maybe some of the rest?…It’s scary to think of true believers being cast out.

Again, for the purposes of this list, it doesn’t matter whether or not Michael Heiser is in Heaven or Hell or where Joyce Meyer will spend her eternity. They’re on the list to warn you to stay away from them and their materials because what they teach is unbiblical.

I’m not clear on whether you’re afraid God might “cast out true believers” or whether you think I am “casting out” a “true believer” because I’ve placed his name of the list. I can assure you neither is the case.

  1. God does not cast out true Believers. Anyone who is a genuinely born again Believer at the time of his or her death – whether s/he has always been a true Believer or whether s/he repents and believes the gospel with his/her last breath – will spend eternity in Heaven with Christ. People who are not genuinely born again Believers – regardless of whether or not they claim to be Believers or whether or not you or I think they’re Believers – will spend their eternity in Hell.
  2. I am not “casting out true Believers” by placing their names on the list. I am warning you away from people who teach false doctrine (regardless of where you or I think s/he will spend eternity).

Hope this helps clear things up!🩷

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Abuse, Homosexuality, Mailbag, Sin

The Mailbag: Perversion-palooza Potpourri

Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 4, 2024

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

It’s June, and you know what that means: perversion-palooza [aka “Pride”] month. What does the Bible say about these and other issues of sexual immorality? How should your church be addressing them? What can you say if a loved one lives in this kind of sin or has been victimized by it? Here’s a roundup of Mailbag articles and other resources that may help.

Can you give me a basic overview of what the Bible says about sexuality and sexual immorality?

Basic Training: Homosexuality, Gender Identity, and Other Sexual Immorality

Christmas Dinner with the Sexual Sinner at A Word Fitly Spoken

Unashamed: Standing Firm on a Biblical Sexual Ethic at A Word Fitly Spoken

Any resources for offering a biblical apologetic against homosexuality?

Movie Tuesday: Audacity

Is it possible to be a “gay Christian”?

The Hole in World Vision’s Gospel

An Apology, A Request for Forgiveness, and Some Clarifications

Pride, Pronouns & Prodigals at A Word Fitly Spoken

Does God love homosexuals?

God Loves Gays

How can Christians best show homosexuals the love of Christ?

Cancer: A Love Story

Can you give me some general principles and Scriptures for relating to friends and loved ones who live a lifestyle of sexual immorality?

Christmas Dinner with the Sexual Sinner at A Word Fitly Spoken

Pride, Pronouns & Prodigals at A Word Fitly Spoken

How does the legalization of same sex “marriage” impact homosexuals and Christians?

SCOTUS to Rule on Same Sex “Marriage”: A Call to Prayer and Godly Response

Should Christians attend a homosexual (or “trans”) “wedding” as a guest?

The Mailbag: Should Christians Attend A Homosexual Wedding?

Pride, Pronouns & Prodigals at A Word Fitly Spoken

Talk Back: Alistair Begg at A Word Fitly Spoken

Should a Christian employee work at a homosexual “wedding”?

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Spanking, Women teaching men, Working a homosexual “wedding”…) (section 4)

How can Christians navigate Gay Pride Month?

Glad you Asked: Pride, Parenting, Evangelism and Denying Self at A Word Fitly Spoken

A friend or relative wants me to use an opposite sex name and pronouns for him (or her). Is that biblical?

The Mailbag: What’s In a Name?

Pride, Pronouns & Prodigals at A Word Fitly Spoken

I suspect someone has surgically altered her body to appear to be the opposite sex.

The Mailbag: Lady looks like a dude?

Should a man who presents himself as a woman be allowed to attend women’s events at church?

The Mailbag: Guess who’s coming to (the women’s ministry) dinner?

How should we handle church roles when it comes to medically intersex people?

The Mailbag: Church Roles and Ambiguous Anatomy

Can you point me to some biblical resources on pornography?

Biblical Resources on Pornography

Christians and Pornography: What’s going on in your mind?

My husband wants me to watch porn with him to spice up our sex life. Should I?

The Mailbag: Should Christian Couples Watch Pornography Together?

I’m including these resources on sexual abuse in this article because the abuse itself is a perversion of biblical sexuality and because the sexual sins
addressed above can lead to abuse.

If you were victimized by an abuser,
you are not guilty of perversion,
an act of perversion was committed against you.

What are some practical ways to prevent sexual abuse at my church?

Preventative Measures: 6 Steps SBC Churches Can Take to Prevent Sexual Abuse (Most of this applies to any church)

I know a woman who is a victim of sexual abuse. How can I help her biblically? (If the victim is a man, much of this still applies, but refer him to your pastor so a godly man can help and disciple him.)

From Victimhood to Victory: Biblically Helping Abused Women Heal

Band-Aids vs. Chemotherapy: Why Suffering Women are Drawn to False Doctrine and 7 Things We Can do to Help.

4 Ways Christian Advocates for Victims of Abuse Need to Get Biblically Back on Track

My husband and I are having sexual problems that stem from the fact that I was molested as a child. What should I do?

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Sexual abuse, Feminism, Serpent seed doctrine…) 3rd section

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Abuse: Grounds for divorce?… Life Groups… The women at Jesus’ tomb were NOT pastors/preachers… SBC 2026)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

Is physical or sexual spousal or child abuse biblical grounds for divorce in a Christian marriage?

I hate that this question even needs to be addressed, because I wish abuse didn’t exist and no one needed this question answered.

This question was posed by a friend (who’s not in this situation, herself) on social media recently. Here’s how I answered (slightly edited):

I think this is why God only specified two objective criteria for biblical divorce – adultery and abandonment. These are much easier to measure objectively than abuse. Either someone has committed adultery or he has not. Either someone is still living in the home or he is not.

Here’s how I generally counsel Christian women in situations of spousal or child abuse (And just for the record for anyone else reading this, I’m talking about real physical or sexual abuse. “He hurt my feelings,” may be wrong or sinful, but it isn’t abuse in this context.)

  1. Anyone who lives in habitual, unrepentant sin is not a Christian, regardless of what he claims or believes himself to be (see 1 John 1:5-10, 2:3-6, 3:4-10, 5:3, Matthew 7:16-23). So, right off the bat, in cases of abuse, we’re almost certainly not dealing with a marriage in which both spouses are Christians.
  2. Step one in cases of abuse is ALWAYS to get yourself and your children to a safe place. Many abused Christian women are hesitant to do this because they are confusing or conflating getting somewhere safe with initiating a sinful divorce. That is NOT the case, and it is sad that many Christian women have to be taught that at the worst time of their lives. Getting to a safe place DOES NOT EQUAL initiating a sinful divorce. I hope everyone reading this is clear on that.
  3. The next step is to call law enforcement, report the abuse, and follow through with pressing charges, a restraining order, etc. If the abuser is in jail or prohibited from being within a certain distance of you, he has, by default, as a consequence of his own sinful behavior, abandoned you, which meets the 1 Corinthians 7:15 criterion. The government (which is to punish lawbreakers, and to which you are to submit) has taken that decision out of your hands. That is God’s grace to you.
  4. Next, assuming you’re a member of a doctrinally sound church, set up an appointment with your pastor (or a certified biblical counselor, if not) for counsel as to whether or not you should pursue a divorce. Different states have different laws, and it’s my understanding that in some states, the only way to protect yourself, your children, and your finances is via a legal divorce. Your pastor or local biblical counselor will have the resources to guide you about your specific situation.

If the husband gets genuinely saved while in jail or separated, reconciliation should be considered, as God’s preference is against divorce and for reconciliation, but that MUST be pursued with great care, much prayer, a copious amount of time and fruit-bearing, and extensive pastoral/biblical counseling. (I’ve addressed this at greater length here.)

So, all of that to say, I strongly recommend against making a blanket statement about whether or not divorce is biblically permissible in cases like abuse, on which the Bible is silent. Rather, it’s best to get to safety and work through your unique situation in the context of the local church and pastoral counsel, since that is God’s plan for us (on a case by case basis) for handling things like this.

Additional Resources:

The Mailbag: Is it all right for a Christian to get divorced?

The Mailbag: Must I reconcile with my abusive ex-husband?

From Victimhood to Victory: Biblically Helping Abused Women Heal

What are your thoughts on churches that have abandoned Bible study groups for Life Groups? Where the Life Group may or may not have a meal, then go over the sermon from Sunday morning?

In the interest of full disclosure, I lead a Life Group of women at my own church. We not only review the sermon, but also the Sunday School lesson, everyone’s personal Bible study, prayer requests and answers, evangelism, and Scripture memorization, plus any questions anyone has, or “I just need to talk,” issues. We have not “abandoned” Bible study groups, though. Our Sunday School classes are “Bible study groups,” plus I teach on a biblical topic at our monthly women’s meeting.

If your pastor is preaching the Word, and your group is reviewing, discussing, and applying the sermon, is that not Bible study?

I don’t ask that to be sassy or snarky at all, I’m asking because there are a variety of different factors at play here:

Is the pastor actually carrying out his 2 Timothy 4:1-2 mandate to “preach the Word” or are these groups discussing a sermon made up of illustrations, self help tips, and personal anecdotes from the pastor’s life?

When you say the church has “abandoned Bible study groups,” are you including Sunday School in that, or are you only talking about Bible study groups outside of Sunday School and the worship service?

Sunday School and Bible study groups are a relatively recent invention. The church survived and thrived without them for centuries.

What was the pastor’s motivation for replacing Bible study groups with sermon discussion groups?

I think this should probably be evaluated on a case by case basis. There are some situations in which it could be perfectly fine and other situations in which it could signal a theological or ecclesiological problem.

How can you say women can’t be pastors or preach to men? What about Mary and the women at Jesus’ tomb who went and preached to the disciples? What about the Great Commission? We’re all supposed to preach the gospel!

It seems like every time I say something on social media about God’s prohibition against women “pastoring,” preaching, teaching the Bible to, or exercising authority over men in the gathering of the church body, several people pop off with some version of one or both of these unbiblical arguments. The short answer is…

  • You’re conflating evangelism with pastoring and preaching. Evangelism is sharing the gospel with lost people outside the church, which all Christians are commanded to do. Pastoring and preaching is biblical instruction to saved people inside the church, which God has restricted to biblically qualified men. Evangelism and pastoring/preaching are two completely different, separate things. We have to keep our biblical categories straight.
  • Neither Mary, nor any of the other women at the tomb, were preaching or pastoring in the church. The church did not even exist at the time of Jesus’ resurrection. What these women did could barely even be compared to evangelism. All they did -in a private gathering of friends, not the church- was a) give eyewitness testimony to what they had seen at the tomb, and b) pass along a message from Jesus of where He wanted the disciples to meet Him.
  • The account of the women at Jesus’ tomb is a DEscriptive passage (narrative; it simply tells us what happened), not a PREscriptive passage (commands/instructions for Christians to follow). Descriptive passages may support, but never override prescriptive passages.
  • God does not contradict Himself or instruct people to sin. 

    God clearly tells us in 1 Timothy 2:11-3:7 (a prescriptive passage), that women are not to pastor, preach, teach the Bible to, or exercise authority over men in the gathering of the Body. If the gospel accounts of the women at the tomb mean that women can do those things in the gathering of the Body, then God has contradicted Himself, is a liar, and has ceased to be God.

    Furthermore, in light of God’s clear command in 1 Timothy, if what these women did was the same as pastoring or preaching to men, then God had the angel at the tomb instruct the women to sin by “preaching to men”.

For the longer answer…

Additional Resources:

Rock Your Role: Oh No She Di-int! Priscilla Didn’t Preach, Deborah Didn’t Dominate, and Esther Wasn’t an Egalitarian

Women Preaching the Gospel? at A Word Fitly Spoken

Rock Your Role: Jill in the Pulpit? (1 Timothy 2:11-12)

The Mailbag: Counter Arguments to Egalitarianism

Sinners and False Teachers: The Women Who “Pastor” and Preach

Rock Your Role articles

What are the issues I should be aware of at the Southern Baptist Convention this year?

Michelle, will I see you at the Convention?

This year’s annual meeting will take place June 8-9 in Orlando, Florida. Although I’d love to be there, unless someone walks up to me and hands me plane tickets and hotel reservations within the next two weeks, it’s just not in our family budget for me to attend.

If you’ll be attending as a messenger, I would encourage you to go to the Center for Baptist Leadership website and drown yourself in their articles and “Countdown to Orlando” podcast episodes so you’ll be up to speed on all the latest issues and details.

Two major things I would offer some direction on:

Vote for Willy Rice for president. He is the conservative candidate and our best shot at steering the ship back to biblical waters.

Vote FOR Dr. Albert Mohler’s “Truth and Unity” amendment to the constitution and FOR the suspension of standing rule 6 so the amendment can be debated and considered this year.

There will be numerous ancillary events going on before and during the Convention. One of these is the annual Pastors’ Conference, which any registered messenger or guest may attend.

There will also be a number of women’s (and other) events.

As I write this, there seems to be no information publicly available regarding who will be speaking at the Pastors’ Wives & Women in Ministry Conference (Monday, June 8). Call me paranoid, but it’s less than two weeks until this event, and I find this lack of information suspect, especially since I’ve run into this same brick wall over the past few years when searching for speaker information about this and other women’s events at the Convention. This event is purported to be part of the aforementioned Pastors’ Conference, but I don’t see it mentioned anywhere on the Pastors’ Conference website. (If any of my readers know who will be speaking, please let me know. Please note the exact title, date, and time of this event as there are several different events this one might be confused with. This is not the Women’s Expo or the Ministers’ Wives Luncheon {see below}, or the aforementioned Pastors’ Conference.)

The SBC Ministers’ Wives Luncheon (Tuesday, June 9) will be headlined by Amy Hannon, an Arkansas pastor’s wife who has created her own hospitality brand (think: Martha Stewart or Joanna Gaines). I’ve never heard of her before, but after poking around for a few minutes, I’m hoping she might be doctrinally sound. She has a very small digital footprint, I found no obvious connections with false teachers, and I appreciated that a couple of times on her website, regarding speaking engagements, she says she speaks “to women”. If you’re familiar with Amy, let me know if she’s the real deal!

You will probably find the Annual Meeting website and app to be helpful both prior to and at the Convention.

Remember, the resolutions committee can change resolutions any way they like – even to mean the opposite of what the person who wrote and submitted the resolution intended it to mean. So read resolutions carefully before voting, and make sure you understand all other motions, proposals, etc., before voting.

Have fun, but if you’re there as a messenger, please do the duty your church sent you to do and be in the room and vote when votes are taken.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: God saved me out of a false “church” … what do I do now?

Michelle Lesley

Originally published May 10, 2021

God recently saved me out of __________ “church” / religion. I’m not sure what to do next. I’m scared to start looking for a new church because I don’t know what to look for in a good church, and I’m afraid I’ll choose another bad one. And how do I “do” this whole Christianity thing, anyway?

I’ve received some variant of this question dozens of times, and it makes me so happy every time I do. God is still saving people, y’all! Doesn’t that thought just encourage your socks off and fill you with joy?

Whether it’s someone coming out of the New Apostolic Reformation, Mormonism, Catholicism, a liberal/progressive “church,” or the New Age, walking through the doors of biblical Christianity is thrilling, but can also be a bit daunting.

As someone who has been in church since my parents brought me home from the hospital, it’s difficult to wrap my mind around being new to the church and the things of Christ as an adult. It must be like landing on Mars, or at least in a foreign country where you don’t know the customs and don’t really speak the language.

When you’re doing something new, it’s always best to start by reading the directions. So here are a few basic directions that might be of help to you if you find yourself newly saved out of an unbiblical system and you’re not quite sure what to do next:

1.
Believe the biblical gospel.

The first priority is making sure you understand and believe the biblical gospel. I know you’re saying you’re saved, but, considering your background and my limited knowledge of where you are spiritually, and considering the fact that sooooo many churches and professing Christians do not know or rightly teach the gospel according to Scripture, I’m not sure what you’ve been told about how to be saved, or “become a Jesus follower,” or however it was put to you, but click here for the truth:

What must I do to be saved?

I strongly urge you – even if you’re 100% positive you’re saved – to take your time and slowly and prayerfully work your way through everything on this page to make sure you understand and believe what the Bible says about how to be saved.

Once you’ve done that, if you still need some reassurance that you’re saved, you might want to work your way through my Bible study Am I Really Saved?: A First John Check-Up.

There are two reasons nailing down your belief in the biblical gospel is the first and most important priority:

  1. If you’re not genuinely saved, you need to be, or you’ll die in your sins and spend an eternity in Hell. Even if you think you’re a Christian.
  2. If you’re not saved, you’re not going to understand or accept the things of Christ, and pretty much everything in Christianity and the church is going to rub you the wrong way. First Corinthians 2:14 says: The natural [unsaved] person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.

2.
Find a church.

The next most important thing is getting you into a doctrinally sound church where you can be taught God’s Word properly.

For Christians, membership in and faithful attendance at a doctrinally sound church is not optional, and is non-negotiable. The Bible knows nothing of “Lone Ranger” Christians. For 2000 years, even in places of harshest persecution, like first century Rome or current day North Korea, the church has found a way to meet together, even if it had to be in secret.

And yes, this means physically attending worship service and other gatherings (not watching it online), assuming you are physically/medically able to do so, and a decent church within achievable driving distance is open. (If not, you’ll have to find another way to meet together with fellow Christians.)

(Notice, I did not say, “If you’re not afraid to go,” or “a church that’s nearby”. There are Christians in the world today who, every time they meet together, are risking imprisonment, torture, and execution. And some of them travel for hours in very primitive modes of transportation just to meet with the church. Prayerfully consider, just between you and the Lord, if you might need to sacrifice your fear or drive a bit longer for the privilege of meeting with His people. Jesus didn’t promise us a bed of roses. He promised us a cross. It’s time to pick it up and carry it. This is what we signed on for.)

Go to my Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. Start your search for a church by reading all of the resources under What to look for in a church including all of the links contained in those resources.

When you’re finished with that, go back to the top of that page and use the search engines to find a good, solid church in your area. Personally, I would recommend starting with the Founders search engine first, then the The Master’s Seminary search engine, then the others.

When you’ve found a church, start visiting it. Set up an appointment with the pastor to ask any questions you might have. Prayerfully consider whether or not this church is a fit for you – a place where you can learn, grow, and serve. If it is, join it. If not, go back to the search engines and find another church to start visiting.

Helpful hint: You’re not going to find a perfect church. Churches are made up of imperfect saints who still sin and make mistakes. Find the best one you can and help make it better.

3.
Get plugged in.

Don’t just sneak in to the back of the sanctuary just as the Sunday morning worship service is starting and sneak back out during the final prayer.

Get invested in the life of your new church. Find a Sunday school / Bible study / small group class to join. Go to midweek services or prayer meeting. Go to fellowships and special events. Get to know people. Find a place to serve.

Be faithful in your attendance. Don’t just go only when you feel like it. Be there at least every Sunday morning unless you’re unavoidably detained. If you wanted to learn chemistry or math or underwater basket weaving, you’d show up for class, right? Well, if you want to learn and grow as a Christian, you’ve got to show up for church.

And if you ever have any questions, never be afraid to ask your pastor, elders, or teachers.

4.
Study up / Pray up

Bible study and prayer are crucial for the Christian. They help you grow, and they foster sweet fellowship with the Lord. Don’t let them loom as some big, scary, new thing that you don’t know how to do. They’re both very simple.

Prayer is simply talking to God. Tell Him what’s on your heart. Ask Him to help you and provide for you. Ask Him to help others. Thank Him for all He’s done for you. Confess your sins to Him and ask Him to forgive you. You might find some of my articles on prayer or my Bible study on prayer to be helpful.

Studying your Bible isn’t as hard as it sounds, either. Start by making sure you have a good translation. Then, pick a book of the Bible. Start at chapter 1, verse 1, and make your way through the book, verse by verse until you get to the end. Then start over again with another book. A few tips:

  • Many Christians find that about a chapter a day is a good amount to study, but take your time and study the amount of Scripture that seems to be a fit for you.
  • You might want to have a notebook and pen handy for jotting down any notes or thoughts that occur to you about the text as you’re studying.
  • If you’re new to studying the Bible, I would recommend starting by reading one (or maybe all four) of the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John – the first four books of the New Testament). Genesis is also a good book to read as you’re getting your bearings in Bible study.
  • If you need help studying your Bible, click the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. There are lots of resources to help you learn how to study the Bible, plus all the Bible studies I’ve written. My studies are designed to help you learn how to study the Bible in a “learn by doing” sort of way. Maybe you’d like to work through one of them until you get the hang of studying your Bible on your own.

In addition to Bible study and prayer, I would suggest reading the articles in my Basic Training series. This is sort of a “Christianity 101” series of articles. If you’re new to Christianity and the church, this should help explain some of the things we do, why we do them, and the proper biblical way they should be done.

I would also recommend that women read my Rock Your Role series of articles. This series explains what the Bible says about the role of women in the church.

Welcome to the family, and may God richly bless you as you seek to grow in Him.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.