Tag: Church

Church, Mailbag

The Mailbag: How can I tell if a church is doctrinally sound?

Michelle Lesley

 

How do I know if a church is doctrinally sound? Do I base it off their statement of faith?

This is such a great question in a day when you can’t really trust that a building with the word “church” on the sign out front actually teaches and practices sound doctrine.

Because it would be impossible to cover every single aspect of doctrine that churches need to handle biblically, and because many of my readers are new to some of the deeper points of theology, what I want to do is give you some “signposts” to look for as you’re checking out a new church that will help indicate whether or not that particular church is likely to be one that handles those harder to understand points of theology in a doctrinally sound way.

First, check out these resources (and others) under my Searching for a new church? tab at the top of this page. These should be helpful if you’re unfamiliar with the biblical issues that a church should be handling correctly:

Looking for a Church Home? by Tim Challies

Church shopping? 35 Key Questions to Ask the Church at Berean Research

4 Questions to Ask Before Joining a Church by Brian Croft

How Can I Find a Good Church? 

Finding a New Church: Starting from Scratch

Six Questions for a Potential Church

If you are a brand new Christian and you aren’t sure what the answers to the questions in these articles should be, ask the person who led you to Christ, a pastor you know to be biblically trustworthy, or a friend who’s a mature Christian to help. You can also use the search bar at the top of this page to see if I’ve addressed your question. And, make liberal use of Got Questions? It’s a wonderful website that gives simple, biblical answers to all kinds of questions about the Bible, church, theology and other issues.

A church’s stance on many of these theological issues can be found in their statement of faith, which most churches post on their websites (often under the heading “What We Believe,” “Doctrinal Distinctives,” or something similar). While you’re on the church website, here are some other things to look for that can give you a fuller picture of whether or not the church is likely to be doctrinally sound.

⛪ Be wary of a church with no statement of faith on their website at all, and be cautious if they have a very simplistic statement of faith with few or no Bible verses cited to support it. Generally speaking, in my experience, the longer and more detailed a statement of faith is, and the more Scripture references it has, the more likely it is to be a doctrinally sound church. (Here and here are some typical, good statements of faith, and this one is particularly detailed.)

⛪ A few things to look for in the statement of faith:

•The Trinity: You’re looking for language along the lines of, “We believe in one God in three persons.” If you see three “modes” or three “manifestations,” that’s the language of modalism, and it is not a doctrinally sound church.

•Some churches have a section of their statement of faith on spiritual gifts or the Holy Spirit and include wording indicating whether they are a continuationist (ex: “we believe all the spiritual gifts are in operation in the church today”) or cessationist (ex: “we believe supernatural gifts such as healing and tongues have ceased”) church. Generally speaking, a church is more likely to be doctrinally sound if it holds the cessationist view. (No, I am not saying every continuationist church is heretical. I’m strictly talking probabilities here.) If there is anything in the statement of faith that indicates that a Believer will or must speak in tongues in order to be saved or as a result of salvation, or that the “baptism of the Holy Spirit” occurs separately from salvation, it is not a doctrinally sound church.

•Some churches intentionally indicate that they are complementarian in the “Marriage and Family” or “Church Leadership” section of their statement of faith by stating that the husband leads the family and the wife submits to her husband, or by explaining that the roles of pastor and elder are limited to men. It’s usually a good sign when a church makes a point of saying these things.

⛪ If you find the pastor’s name listed here, it’s not a doctrinally sound church.

⛪ If a church subscribes to a creed/confession/catechism you know to be biblical (ex: 1689 London Baptist, Westminster, Heidelberg, etc.) there’s a better chance they’re a doctrinally sound church. 

⛪ Some churches have a page on their website where they recommend books, blogs, and other resources. If they’re recommending doctrinally sound materials by trustworthy authors and teachers (click here for a few), that can be a good sign.

⛪ If they have a women’s ministry page, check out who’s speaking at the next conference they’re going to and who is the author of the Bible study materials they use.

⛪ Check the staff page and make sure they don’t have women serving as pastors/elders. (Be aware that some churches are now using titles like “Coach,” “Director,” “Facilitator,” etc. to disguise the fact that women are serving in unbiblical positions of leadership. Regardless of the way the position title is worded, women are not to serve in pastoral or elder offices or in any position in which they will be teaching or exercising authority over men.)

⛪ Check the sermon archives for a couple of things: 1) to see if they invite women or false teachers as guest preachers, and 2) does the pastor preach mainly expositorily or topically?

Keep in mind, however, that there are lots of churches out there who look perfectly doctrinally sound “on paper” but are not practicing what their website preaches. Take a look at these statements of faith for example: Lakewood (Joel Osteen), North Point (Andy Stanley), and Bethel (New Apostolic Reformation). (You can find out more about these churches/pastors here.) On the surface, and especially to those newly saved or not very familiar with the Bible, these statements of faith look fairly decent (although…notice that no Scriptures are listed, and they are short and/or somewhat vague), but the practices of these churches may be surprising in comparison.

Because churches’ practices and teachings often differ – sometimes significantly – from what you see in their statement of faith, you’ll have to dig deeper in order to get a better feel for the church’s doctrine. If the website posts the audio or video of their worship services, listen to several sermons. Make an appointment to go in and talk to the pastor about what the church teaches and ask any questions you might have. And visit the church for a while before joining to see how things actually go. The most a church website can do is help you weed out the churches that are definitely bad. The website cannot tell you that a church is definitely good.

If you’re looking for a new church but you aren’t sure where to start, check the church search engines and churches recommended by my readers at the Searching for a new church? tab at the top of this page.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Sanctification

Watch Your Language! 10 Christian Terms that Need to be Cleaned Up

Michelle Lesley

For the next several weeks I’ll be preparing to speak at the
Relying on God and His Word conference, so I’ll be re-running
some popular articles from the archives. I hope you’ll enjoy this one.

Originally published August 25, 2017

What would you think of a surgeon who forgot to take his scalpel to work one day and decided his pocketknife would be an adequate substitute? Or a chef who ran out of vanilla and figured peppermint extract would work just fine in its place? At the very least, you’d probably think he was being a little sloppy and careless – not putting enough thought into his work. At worst, he could injure, sicken, or kill somebody.

When it comes to our Christian vernacular, we need to make sure we’re using the right word for the right task. “Well, she knows what I meant,” doesn’t cut it these days, as anyone on social media can attest. Sometimes, even as perfectly doctrinally sound Christians, we get a little sloppy with our phraseology, which can, at best, confuse people, and, at worst, defame God. We need to proactively think about the meanings of the words we use and be careful to say what we mean and mean what we say.

Let’s watch our language on these ten terms and phrases and determine to use more precise, God-exalting vocabulary instead:

1. Let or allow God to…
When the doctrinally sound Christians I know say they need to “let” or “allow” God to do something in their lives, they don’t mean: “I’m in charge here, and I call the shots. God can only do what I, as the boss, deign to permit Him to do.” What they mean is, “I need to stop doing things that are displeasing to God and obey His Word because He wants to grow me to greater Christlikeness.” Unfortunately, one of the tenets of Word of Faith and New Apostolic Reformation false doctrine is that Christians are the ones in authority and that God can only do what we allow Him to do. That’s blasphemy, and not something we even want to hint at with careless wording. We need to make sure our words communicate that God is in charge and we are His humble servants.

More God-exalting: “I need to submit to God’s will.” “I need to make sure I’m not standing in opposition to God’s work in my life.”

2. Accept Jesus or make Jesus Savior/Lord of your life
Again, “accept” and “make” put us in the driver’s seat and leave Jesus a puppet who moves at our whim. Jesus is King. We do not accept Him, He graciously accepts us. We do not “make” Him Savior or Lord. He already is Savior and Lord. We throw ourselves upon His mercy to save us and bow the knee to His Lordship.

More God-exalting: “Ask God to save you.” “Believe the gospel.”

3. God said or told me; listen to God
Possibly the most prolific false teaching today is that God regularly speaks to individuals verbally, through dreams and visions, or through signs, outside of Scripture, about the mundane issues of life, despite the fact that God Himself tells us He doesn’t speak this way and that His written Word is sufficient for our every need. God speaks to us, and we hear Him, through His written Word, the Bible. When we talk about God speaking to us, we need to make sure we’re driving that idea home, not subtly reinforcing the false idea that God is speaking to us outside of Scripture.

More God-exalting: “God tells us in Colossians 3:12…” “The Bible says in Proverbs 13:24…”

4. God showed up
No, He didn’t. God has never – in the history of all eternity, nor in eternity yet to come – “shown up.” When we say somebody “showed up,” the common understanding is that someone arrived on the scene who was not previously present. That has never been, and can never be, true of an eternal, omnipresent God. God has always been present everywhere. Sometimes what’s actually happening when people say “God showed up” at church is that they had an emotional response to the music, or experienced a temporary worldy sorrow over their sin. But when God really does seem to “show up,” what’s usually the case is that we “showed up” by prayerfully preparing our hearts for worship, by responding in repentance to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, by taking joy in praising and thanking God, or that God answered prayer or allowed us to see His hand at work in a situation.

More God-exalting: “It was a wonderful time of worship this morning!” “Thank you, God, for letting us see how You’re working!”

5. Tithes and offerings, or offerings over and above the tithe
Tithing, like making animal sacrifices or celebrating Israel’s various feasts and festivals, is an Old Testament law which Jesus fulfilled and is no longer binding on Christians. God’s instruction to Christians about giving is found in 2 Corinthians 9:7. When we try to impose Old Testament law upon New Testament Christians, we are violating God’s clear command that Christians are not to give under compulsion. On the other side of the coin (pun intended) merely plunking ten per cent of your earnings into the offering plate voluntarily and thinking you’re good to go with God isn’t right either. We are to follow Christ’s example of generosity and self-sacrifice as we minister to the church and others, giving up, if necessary, even our very lives.

More God-exalting: Offerings, gifts, generous giving, sacrificial giving

6. I have a peace about this
Often, this phrase reveals more than simple sloppy wording, it demonstrates that someone is relying more on her feelings, opinions, and experiences than on God’s Word to determine right from wrong. If there’s a Bible verse that tells us that a feeling of “peace” is what unequivocally confirms that we’re obeying God, I haven’t run across it. I’ve heard women say they have “a peace” about leaving their husbands for sinful reasons, or that they have “a peace” about opting out of church when God clearly commands the opposite. The fact of the matter is that our feelings are deceptive. We can have peaceful feelings about things that are ungodly, and anxious feelings even when carrying out the clear commands of Scripture. Scripture is our measuring stick for right and wrong, godly and ungodly, not our feelings.

More God-exalting: “I’m going to obey God’s Word and trust Him.”

7. What do you feel God would have you do?
Christians are not supposed to live our lives guided by our feelings. We are to live lives governed by the authority of God’s written Word. And it’s important that our vocabulary reflect that by being precise when we’re talking about making decisions. Our feelings are fleeting, fickle, and often false. What’s important – and what we’re to base all of our thoughts, words, and actions upon – is, “What does Scripture say about this?”

More God-exalting: “What does the Bible say you should do?” “Let’s pray and ask God for wisdom to rightly apply Scripture to this situation.”

8. What is God’s will for my life?
Frequently, when Christians ask this question, it’s in the context of making a life-altering decision about which college to attend or career to choose, whom to marry, and if, when, and how many children to have. But that’s not what “God’s will” means as outlined by Scripture. God’s will is for Christians to get up every day and walk in obedience to His Word. That’s it. That’s God’s will for your life. When it comes to making decisions, we rightly apply Scripture to the situation, pray that God will give us wisdom and direction, and make the most godly decision we can, trusting that the God who’s completely aware that we’re frail and by no means omniscient, will direct our paths.

More God-exalting: “How can I walk in obedience to God today?” “God, please give me wisdom and direct my path in this situation.”

9. God can’t ____ unless we ____.
I beg your pardon, but God can do whatever He wants to do (that’s in keeping with His nature and character), and He’s not sitting around wringing His hands, hoping we’ll do the right thing so He can act. That’s a theology that makes man omnipotent and God impotent. Psalm 135:5-6 says it best: “For I know that the Lord is great, and that our Lord is above all gods. Whatever the Lord pleases, He does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all the deeps.”

More God-exalting: “The Bible says in 1 John 1:9, if we ____, God will ___.”

10. The Mormon church, the Roman Catholic church, a New Apostolic Reformation church, etc.
It’s easy to fall into the habit of calling these religious organizations “churches” because that’s what they call themselves. But any gathering that doesn’t preach the biblical gospel is not a church, regardless of what the sign out front says. Human beings do not get to define what the church is. Only God gets to do that. And He has defined the church as Christ’s body, whom He died for and saved, of whom He is Head, and who submits to Him. Organizations which stand in opposition to clear Scripture or preach another gospel are not churches (Galatians 1:6-9 says they are “accursed” or “damned”), and verbal opposition to this misnomer would go a long way in helping to clarify that Mormons are not Christians, that Roman Catholic soteriology is not biblical, that Lakewood teaches false doctrine, and so on.

More God-exalting: Mormons, Catholicism, apostate church, organization, religion

What are some other “Christianese” words and phrases that need some cleaning up, and what are some other more precise and God-exalting terms we could use instead?

Share Your Testimony

Testimony Tuesday: Stories from Several Sisters 4

Michelle Lesley

On today’s Testimony Tuesday,
several sisters in Christ share their stories.

Gaylin’s Story

THANK YOU! For #6…“Extra-biblical revelation sets up a class system within Christianity.” I found my way to this site due to this exact issue! A friend shared a link on Facebook to some guy who regularly has dreams and “hears” from God…I thought, “Why him and not ME?!” My heart was breaking and I was SO sad!! Yet deep down, I knew something was off; it didn’t sit right. You, my friend, are a balm to a bruised heart, using the Word as a healing salve. Reminding me to let go of the emotional kick in the gut the devil aims at me and keep my eyes on HIM.

Louise’s Story

At one time, I was a follower of Joyce Meyer and other false teachers. I had her teaching tapes and would listen to them over and over but never read the Bible to make sure her words were lining up with it. I was the church secretary (an Assemblies of God church) and one morning on the way to work I tuned in to hear R.C. Sproul teaching on the Holiness of God, something I had never heard of. I pulled into the parking lot and sat to listen until he finished. That was the beginning of me coming out of the A/G churches, eventually quitting my job, and looking for another church. It took a while, but after a year I was introduced to the church I’ve been in for over 15 years where the Bible is taught verse by verse and reading the Bible is highly stressed. I now listen to John MacArthur, Alistair Begg, and a local pastor who correctly interprets God’s Holy Word. I have read the Bible from cover to cover and I thank God for leading me out as He did.

Dolores’ Story

I was one of those women who followed particularly Joyce Myer, Creflo Dollar, Joel Osteen, Joseph Prince, etc. One reason being I only had my TV as my resource. Since receiving the gift of a “tablet” my world has opened up to YouTube, Google, etc. I prayed for discernment due to the fact I’m the only practicing Christian in my family. I repented to my children/grandchildren that I was wrong to have followed false teachers. I wanted to learn so much, and as I said with limited resources. They respect my faith and will often still discuss why and what I believe. I have spent many hours listening to programs like “Wretched” which is helping me to discern more carefully, including in the church I’m currently attending. I don’t know where this will lead me, but I do know with God’s guidance and people He has given the gift of discernment to also guide me His will will be done. Thank you. I turn 80 this year – never too late.

Kim’s Story

[This was] my testimony until I was 33 years old and surrendered my life and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour! Deceived for years but God opened my eyes by reading 1 John ….describing pretty succinctly what your life will look like if you truly know Him. He gave me the gift of faith unto salvation and revealed Himself so very clearly to me in His word.

Alma’s Story

Here’s a wonderful story of God’s faithfulness in steering the ladies ministry at my church out of doctrinally weak teachers. I joined my daughter’s Southern Baptist Church about 10 months ago to be able to worship with her and my 3 grandchildren. I met with the pastor a few times and we had wonderful conversations about Reformed theology and the church’s long history.

Since I had developed somewhat of a rapport with him I felt comfortable going to him when I found out the ladies ministry leader had chosen, yet again, a not so doctrinally sound study. Last fall we did a study by a popular Christian women’s author which I faithfully attended and early on realized was not what I needed or wanted in a Bible study. This teacher likes to share personal stories of her life in each of her weekly video lessons and it soon became burdensome and kind of annoying (I don’t have much patience when it comes to studying the Word). Before that study were several studies by other problematic authors, so the church has had a history of fluffy studies.

In late December of last year the announcement was made that we would be doing yet another popular study by a false teacher. I was disappointed to say the least. I prayed a lot about how to approach my pastor about this because the woman in charge of selecting our studies is a friend and fellow Sunday School attendee.

Since I’m so new to the church I decided to find out who was in charge of overseeing the ladies ministry. I assumed it was a deacon but soon found out that wasn’t the case. The head of the deacons told me it was our discipleship minister. So I contacted him and he confirmed that he oversees the men’s and ladies’ ministry and when I asked if he oversees the Bible study selection he said that’s left up to the ladies’ ministry leader. So I decided it was time to talk to my pastor.

I did my due diligence and researched the problems and concerns about the author of the upcoming study and sent him links to your critique and also pastors who have written about her to warn the women in their churches.

One of the comments my pastor made in his defense was he assumed if a teacher is promoted by LifeWay, they must be good.

I was surprised he didn’t know about LifeWay and all the [doctrinally unsound] authors and books they have on their shelves. I also shared with him the problems and concerns with other studies the church has done in the past. He listened, reviewed the links I sent him and decided he needed to call a meeting with the discipleship minister and ladies’ ministry leader to discuss this matter. That meeting hasn’t happened yet (he promised it would be soon) but I’m praying for all to come to the right decision going forward. I give all glory to God for giving my pastor eyes to see and ears to hear.

Ladies, God is still at work in the hearts and lives of His people, including yours! Would you like to share a testimony of how God saved you, how He has blessed you, convicted you, taught you something from His Word, brought you out from under false doctrine, placed you in a good church or done something otherwise awesome in your life? Private/direct message me on social media, e-mail me (MichelleLesley1@yahoo.com), or comment below. Your testimony can be as brief as a few sentences or as long as 1500 words. Let’s encourage one another with God’s work in our lives!

Bible Study, Biblical Resources, Favorite Finds

Favorite Finds ~ February 19, 2019

Michelle Lesley

Here are a few of my favorite recent online finds…

I’ve recommended my friend Kesha’s ministry, Bible Thinking Woman,to you in the past. Now Kesha has put together another resource I think will be very helpful to you. It’s a Facebook support group for sexually abused women. Kesha says, “As a victim of sexual abuse, I know all too well the damage and destruction the trauma of abuse has. Yet, I also know the healing, freedom, and victory that we have in Jesus Christ. If you’re a Christian woman who wants help, prayer, guidance, encouragement, and a listening ear, please consider joining our private Facebook group, Support for Sexually Abused Christian Women. Even if you’ve never been abused, personally, I would encourage you to reach out to Kesha if you’re helping a friend or loved one through the journey of healing.

 

Need recommendations for a good concordance? A systematic theology? A set of commentaries? The Master’s University has you covered. Check out this extensive listing of biblical reference works. You probably won’t need all of these books, and the ones you do need you might be able to obtain less expensively by purchasing them via e-book, or checking your local public, church, or seminary library (your pastor might even be willing to lend out his copy of the volume you’re looking for).

 

Let’s go to the movies! I’ve heard about two movies recently that I’m really interested in seeing. Patterns of Evidence: The Moses Controversy will be in select theaters March 14, 16, and 19. It’s a documentary on Moses as author of the Pentateuch. I saw the first movie in the Patterns of Evidence series – Exodus (you can rent it on Amazon Prime) – and it was phenomenal. I’m hoping Moses will be as well.

Roe v. Wade is a secular movie (so it’s probably going to have profanity and other sinful content in it – don’t go see it if those things violate your conscience) on the history of the original 1973 Supreme Court decision. If you can wade (pun intended – I like puns. I always intend them.) through the left-leaning worldview of this WaPo article, you’ll find that Roe v. Wade boasts a cast made up of “a veritable who’s who of conservative Hollywood” and other info. about the film.

Just a reminder – as of today, I haven’t seen either of these films, so I can’t vouch for their contents. I’m just saying I’m interested in seeing them and I thought you might be, too.

 

Need some help memorizing Scripture? David Mathis offers us 5 Tips for Bible Memorization that are sure to come in handy.

 

 

People are always asking me about Contemporary Christian Music (CCM). Is there anything good out there? Which songs or bands should be avoided? To be honest, CCM, even the doctrinally sound stuff, is not a style of music I enjoy. I don’t listen to it, so I’m almost completely ignorant of what’s out there, as I explained in my article, False Doctrine in Contemporary Christian Music. So, I’m glad to have another resource to recommend to you. Reformed Fellowship Church just kicked off their Christian Music Review on YouTube. Here’s their first installment:

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Prayer quilts, Discouraged husband, Jesus Calling at the CPC…)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question. I also like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar can be a helpful tool!

In these potpourri editions of The Mailbag, I’d also like to address the three questions I’m most commonly asked:

“Do you know anything about [Christian pastor/teacher/author] or his/her materials? Is he/she doctrinally sound?”

Try these links: 
Popular False Teachers / Recommended Bible Teachers / search bar
Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring It Out on Your Own
(Do keep bringing me names, though. If I get enough questions about a particular teacher, I’ll probably write an article on her.)

“Can you recommend a good women’s Bible study?”

No. Here’s why:
The Mailbag: Can you recommend a good Bible study for women/teens/kids?
The Mailbag: “We need to stop relying on canned studies,” doesn’t mean, “We need to rely on doctrinally sound canned studies.”.

“You shouldn’t be warning against [popular false teacher] for [X,Y,Z] reason!”

Answering the Opposition- Responses to the Most Frequently Raised Discernment Objections

Wondering if you’ve ever commented on “Prayer Quilt Ministries” that some churches have. I was visiting a church recently that had an announcement in the bulletin for those interested to visit the lobby and “tie a knot in a prayer quilt”. On the church’s website the prayer quilt page says, “Gather to help press, pin, cut, sew or design prayer quilts. These are tied with prayer when given away to someone suffering from lengthy or devastating illness.” It’s probably a good work to make a quilt for someone who needs it, but what about the “prayer & tying of knots” issue?

Great question! I think it probably depends on the church’s theology. If it’s a New Apostolic Reformation type of church that believes that touching these quilts and praying while tying the knots in them will heal the recipients or somehow transport some sort of spiritual mojo to them in the warp and woof of the fabric, then that’s false doctrine and it needs to be done away with. That would be kind of like those magic “prayer cloths” that televangelists used to send out if you would only send them a “seed offering”.

However, if the church is doctrinally sound (which your e-mail indicated is the case), it’s very unlikely that it’s anything sinister like that. It sounds to me like the quilts themselves are just a kind ministry to hurting people. It reminds me of the story of Dorcas. “All the widows stood beside [Peter] weeping and showing tunics and other garments that Dorcas made while she was with them.”

The purpose of the knots is probably two-fold. First, it encourages church members to pray for the recipients of the quilts, and gives them a touchstone of having done so. Second, the recipient is probably told that every knot on the quilt was tied by someone who prayed for her. I think the knots are probably sort of like the stones we sometimes see Israel setting up in the Old Testament, or even baptism – a physical reminder of a spiritual moment. It’s an encouragement both to those who tie them and the recipients.

And if that’s as far as it goes, I don’t think that’s unbiblical. In fact, I think it is a great ministry for women to get involved in, it reaches out to people with the love of Christ, and if a Bible or gospel tract is included (I hope!), it’s a form of evangelism. All good and biblical things.

I am married and have a struggle with my wife about our roles. It’s been hard dealing with this. I get more respect from my Starbucks barista than I do at home.

The whole girl power thing is really not bad if it doesn’t come at the expense of men. But it’s gone too far, it’s kinda like idol worship now.

I’m going to be honest I know a lot of men that are tapping out. Young men don’t want to get married, older men can’t afford their wives’ lifestyles. Divorced men are ruined and spiraling down out here. It’s bad… Real bad.

You may never read this, but I hope you keep up the good fight. Not many people, much less women even look at us men as anything more than walking ATM’s and fix it guys. Thank you for making a bold move in the opposite direction. God be with you and keep you.

Every once in a while I get a heartbreaking e-mail like this from a husband. Sadly, there’s usually nothing I can do for them. Their wives are not the type who would care what I had to say even if I could talk to them.

But ladies, I’d like to ask you to do something for our friend here. Would you take just a moment and pray for him, his marriage, and his wife? And, if you wouldn’t mind, would you leave a comment under this article letting him know you’ve prayed for him and offering any words of encouragement you’d like? Thank you.

I volunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy Center that regularly gives away not only Bibles (good) but also Jesus Calling (bad!). I have been researching and note-taking a compilation of what you point out so that I can gently and lovingly bring this to the attention of the director of the center. I am not very confident however that she and others in authority will see the problem. It might be worth noting that my job at the center is strictly data input. I do not see any patients so therefore I myself do not ever have an occasion give a patient a Jesus Calling devotion. But should I not volunteer here if others continue to do so?

Way to be thinking theologically! This is the kind of thing we will all have to be thinking through more and more as the days grow darker, and it’s important that we think them through biblically.

Wow, it hurts my heart to hear that a CPC is doing this. These women are already in a difficult situation and instead of helping them with the truth of Scripture this CPC (and probably others out there) is feeding them false doctrine when they’re at their most vulnerable. 

Approaching the director kindly is the best first step, remembering that the vast majority of Christians simply don’t know what false doctrine is or the extent to which it has infected Christian materials. For most people, it never occurs to them that something sold at a Christian store might not be biblical. It’s my prayer that the director will listen and be convicted to stop using these materials in favor of doctrinally sound ones. When you go in to talk to her, you might want to have a couple of suggestions in mind for alternative materials. This tract from Living Waters might be a fit. Wretched has a great little gospel booklet called Don’t Stub Your Toe. Or you might contact Pre-Born! or another pro-life ministry you trust and ask for ideas.

But if the director brushes off your concerns, you’ll need to make a decision about whether or not to continue to work there. If you are married, the first thing you need to do is discuss this with your husband and find out what he thinks. If he tells you what he’d like you to do, you’ll need to abide by that. But even if he leaves the decision up to you, he will probably have some helpful wisdom and insight. You might also wish to bounce this off your pastor, an elder, or a godly friend.

Since you’re not the one purchasing the books or handing them out, I believe you could still work there – if your conscience allows. I would recommend that you pray about it and ask God to give you the wisdom to make a godly decision.

I need some direction. I’ve been teaching/sharing God’s Word at a nursing home for over two years on Sunday mornings. We have mostly women, but there are two men who join us. I was asked by the nursing home to lead our little church because they haven’t been able to find any men willing to do it. That’s my dilemma, I know Paul said he wouldn’t allow a woman to teach men, I don’t know how to handle this. I myself am not part of any other church, so I don’t have a pastor to help. I’ve reached out to some churches, but no one is getting back to me. Since we can’t find a man willing to lead, am I okay to keep doing what I’m doing? 

That is quite the dilemma! Let me see if I can help.

You started your e-mail by saying, “I need some direction,” so I hope you’ll be open to some direction that’s in a bit of a different direction than the one you’re asking about.

It’s wonderful that you’re wanting to help out at the nursing home and teach God’s Word. We need more women in mercy ministries like this, and I’m sure you’re a joy and a blessing to the ladies. But I’m afraid there’s a bigger issue you need to deal with than whether or not to be teaching at the nursing home.

You need to find a doctrinally sound church, become a member of it, and attend and serve it faithfully. Church membership, fellowship, and service are not optional for Christians (Basic Training: 7 Reasons Church is Not Optional and Non-Negotiable for Christians).

The Bible knows nothing of unchurched Christians, and serving at the nursing home is not a reason not to be joined to a local church. You could always serve at the nursing home on Sunday afternoons after worshiping at your own church, or serve on another day. If you’re asking around at churches for someone to volunteer on Sunday mornings, this is why you’re not getting much of a response – you’re contacting churches. Pastors and their church members are supposed to be in church on Sunday mornings, not somewhere else.

I know you might be thinking that your group of ladies at the nursing home is your church because you called it “our little church”. It might be an awesome group of ladies with super close fellowship, but what you have there is a women’s Bible study class, not a church. It doesn’t have a pastor, elders, or deacons. It doesn’t have a membership, so there’s no mechanism for church discipline. Nobody is giving offerings or serving the Body. You’re not performing the ordinances of baptism and the Lord’s Supper (I hope). This is not a church.

Have you ever been on an airplane and noticed that when the flight attendant gives the safety instructions, she always tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others with theirs? It’s good advice in this situation too. Right now, you’re disobeying Scripture by not being joined to a local church, so you’re setting a sinful example for your ladies while simultaneously teaching them that they need to obey God’s Word. Put your mask on first. Repent and join a local church. You also need to be sitting under good preaching and teaching at your own church so you’ll have something to give these ladies and to keep your own theology on track so you can make sure what you’re teaching them doesn’t veer off into false doctrine. Put your mask on first. You can’t help other people breathe if you’re passing out from lack of oxygen. Finally, joining a local church will fix the problem you mentioned of, “I don’t have a pastor to help.” If you’ll put your mask on first by finding a good church to join, you will have a pastor, elders, deacons, and lots of other men to help.

When we do things God’s way, in God’s order, most of the secondary things, like your dilemma about the men at the nursing home, tend to fall into place. Tell you what. You find a good church to join – maybe one of the ones you contacted for help (check out the “Searching for a new church?” tab at the top of this page if you need it) – get plugged in, and ask your pastor for some help with this. If he can’t or won’t help you, write me back, and we’ll go from there, OK? I’ll bet you won’t need to.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.