Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
It’s June, and you know what that means: perversion-palooza [aka “Pride”] month. What does the Bible say about these and other issues of sexual immorality? How should your church be addressing them? What can you say if a loved one lives in this kind of sin or has been victimized by it? Here’s a roundup of Mailbag articles and other resources that may help.
Can you give me a basic overview of what the Bible says about sexuality and sexual immorality?
I’m including these resources on sexual abuse in this article because the abuse itself is a perversion of biblical sexuality and because the sexual sins addressed above can lead to abuse. If you were victimized by an abuser, you are not guilty of perversion, an act of perversion was committed against you.
What are some practical ways to prevent sexual abuse at my church?
I know a woman who is a victim of sexual abuse. How can I help her biblically? (If the victim is a man, much of this still applies, but refer him to your pastor so a godly man can help and disciple him.)
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
My husband was just recently selected as pastor of a nearby church. This is his first pastorate. We didn’t know before he accepted the position, but it seems that alcohol is sometimes present at fellowships. The women at the church had a little fellowship after finishing a Bible study series and from pictures on FB, I already see wine. So as a new pastor’s wife, how do I even go about that? I will soon be at those studies and fellowships and I don’t know how to go about that with love. Do I just say right there and then that it’s not prudent or wait till afterwards and say something? Seems this will be one of the things my husband will have to tackle due to the last pastorate being weak. Thank you for your time.
There can be a pretty big learning curve when it comes to transitioning from “regular church member” to “pastor’s wife”. Church members view you differently, you view yourself differently, and there’s the constant self-inflicted pressure to be a good reflection on your husband.
Usually, the best thing to do is to ask your husband how he wants you to handle things, and I would definitely recommend you do that in this situation. But as you’re asking him, and handling things accordingly, here are a few things to keep in mind:
⛪︎ Drinking alcohol, in and of itself, is not intrinsically sinful. If it were, Jesus Himself would have been a sinner. While there are many good reasons to seriously consider the wisdom and the witness of drinking alcohol -as an individual or at church functions- the Bible only prohibits drunkenness. The Bible does not have a zero tolerance policy toward alcohol (in fact, in some passages, God speaks about it in a very positive way). So that’s something to keep in mind when you go to the Bible studies and fellowships. As long as no one’s getting drunk, these women are not sinning. You need to be sure you’re not thinking about this as a sin issue, but as a wisdom issue.
⛪︎ I would not automatically assume that alcohol is acceptable at church functions because the previous pastor was “weak” – in other words, that he just let the congregation run wild and was too cowardly to address sin in the camp. That could be what happened, but there could also be another explanation. Some generally doctrinally sound, theologically conservative churches believe that, because drinking alcohol is not a sin, it’s OK to offer it right alongside the tea and cokes and water bottles at fellowships and other events. That could be another explanation.
⛪︎ “You can’t turn the Titanic around on a dime.” A pastor friend of mine once gave me that valuable piece of advice. In the first few weeks or couple of months of your husband’s new pastorate, he’s probably noticed dozens of things in this church that need correction. If he has determined that alcohol at fellowships is one of those things, you need to trust him to address it whenever and in whatever way he thinks is best. And that might take a while, because this issue might not be at the top of his list of “Urgent Things that Need Fixing Immediately”. Trust your husband and trust God to guide your husband and give him wisdom.
⛪︎ Lead by example. “How do I go about that?” you asked. There’s really no need for you to “go about” anything. While you’re waiting for and trusting your husband to address the issue, go to the fellowships and Bible studies, have a good time, and drink something non-alcoholic. No big whoop. If someone notices over time that you’re not drinking alcohol and asks you about it, just quietly, briefly, and biblically explain to her (not the whole room – it’ll get around, trust me) why you personally have chosen not to drink. (That means you’ll need to search the Scriptures and pray about it so you’ll be clear in your own heart and mind why you’ve made this choice and will be able to articulate it to others.) Those simple, quiet acts may just set an example the ladies would like to follow and the issue may take care of itself.
But all that being said, talk to your husband about it, ask him how he’d like you to handle (or not handle) things, and do that.
A few months into my marriage, I became uncomfortable with the theology and denomination my wife and I were in when we got married. Over time, I recognized unbiblical practices and false teachings, which were not apparent to me during courtship. As a result, I left the ministry four years ago, and my wife and I now have one child.
Unfortunately, in my attempt to bring her along with me, I took some wrong steps, for which I have apologized. However, I remain deeply concerned about the influence of these teachings on our relationship and our son. When I expressed my opposition to her taking him to the meetings, she repeatedly threatened to leave the marriage if I tried to intervene. This ongoing conflict has led me to decide that I do not wish to have more children with her as long as she continues this practice.
I would greatly appreciate your perspective on this situation.
That is definitely a tough one, brother, and my heart goes out to you.
I would encourage you to do a deep dive on these Scriptures and walk them out in your marriage. (on the 1 Peter passage, do verse 7, and do a husbandly version of verses 1-6).
As you’re doing that, I would also encourage you -if you’re now in a doctrinally sound church- to set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel and discipleship about this. He may counsel you himself or he may introduce you to a “Titus 2” godly older man in the church who can walk you through this.
If you’re not already a member of a doctrinally sound church, two recommendations:
Go to the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, and find a good church. Then contact the pastor, explain your situation, and ask if he can help.
If it’s taking you a while to find a good church, while you’re still looking, go to the Biblical Counseling Resources tab in that same blue menu bar, and contact an ACBC certified biblical counselor in your area for help. (Biblical counseling is completely different from “Christian counseling”. I would not recommend traditional Christian counseling.)
I am confused. I thought any time someone is associated with false teachers that person is considered a false teachers as well? But yet, [someone like Allie Beth Stuckey] isn’t considered a false teacher?
First, a little background information for those who aren’t aware. Allie Beth Stuckey is the conservative Christian host of the widely popular podcast, Relatable. When she first started out, her main focus was discussing politics from a conservative viewpoint. As time went by, her show became increasingly theological in nature. Unfortunately, as that dynamic unfolded it also became increasingly apparent that Allie is sadly lacking in discernment, and I eventually had to remove her from my recommends for that reason. (More here.)
It recently came to light that Allie is planning to yoke, once again, with some egregious* false teachers. She will be speaking at Thinq Summit 2025 (formerly Q Conference / Q-ideas), founded and run by Gabe and Rebekah Lyons. Here’s my Instagram post about it:
*When I say “egregious,” I’m not exaggerating. The people she has been yoking with lately are not Christians with minor differences on minor matters. Lisa Bevere is a literal NAR heretic, and the Lyonses are so progressive and woke I’m surprised they still pass as “Christians” to anyone, lost or saved.
I also posted about this on my Facebook page, and that’s where this reader’s question came from. Let me see if I can help clear things up.
Yoking with false teachers is a sin. The Bible commands us time and again to have nothing to do with false teachers (much less join with them in any endeavor, especially under the banner of a “Christian” event). When Scripture tells us not to do something and we do it anyway, that’s a sin. Allie is committing a sin by yoking with these false teachers.
But a false teacher is someone who sins by teaching false doctrine. At the moment (and as far as I know) the doctrine Allie believes and proclaims is still, generally, biblical and sound. However, as 1 Corinthians 15:33 tells us: “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” This is not just true of our personal morals and behavior, but the same principle holds true for our doctrine and beliefs. Associating with false teachers can lead us astray from sound doctrine. This is one of the reasons why the Scriptures I linked above command us not to have anything to do with false teachers.
In other words, by continually associating with false teachers, someone’s beliefs and doctrine can be corrupted and she could become a false teacher herself. I do not think that has happened to Allie yet. Allie’s situation at the moment is similar to Josh Buice’s situation. She is a high profile, doctrinally sound Christian who has sinned.
If you don’t know what transpired last week, click the link above to get it straight from the horse’s mouth of G3 Ministries.
Because Josh is under church discipline and is likely permanently disqualified from ministry, I have removed him from my list of Recommended Bible Teachers, Authors, Etc. And since G3 has decided to remove all of Josh’s content from their website, I will also be removing links to his materials from all of my articles because those links will no longer be functional. This is going to take a long time because I’m just going to remove them as I come across them, and there are a lot of them. If you’d like to help me out, drop me an email, PM/DM, blog or social media comment if you’re reading one of my articles and come across a link to something of his so I can remove it. Thanks.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
This week on the blog, in anticipation of Mother’s Day, it’s all about the mamas. Here’s a roundup of Mailbag articles and other resources on motherhood and parenting…
As a stay-at-home / homeschooling mom of boys, how can I make sure they’re getting the male leadership and influence they need during the day while my husband is at work?
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
I have a friend who is living with someone she is not married to. She professes to be a Christian. I don’t see or talk to her much as she lives a couple of hours away. I have been invited to spend the weekend with her. I don’t want to go as I don’t want her to think I condone her living situation. How do I graciously bring up this violation of God’s instructions to us regarding sexual immorality?
I’m so sorry your friend’s sin has put you in this difficult situation. I know it’s uncomfortable and awkward, and you’re probably afraid you’re going to offend her and maybe even lose your relationship with her as a result of this situation.
But I want you (and all of my readers who are in awkward situations similar to this) to remember that your friend is the one at fault here for all of this awkwardness and potential hurt feelings, not you. She caused this situation by her sin, and if she doubles down on that sin when you talk to her about it, she will also be at fault for any other negative results that transpire, not you. That’s what sin does. It ruins everything it touches, it impacts areas of our lives we never dreamed it would, and it affects our relationships with the people we love.
I agree it would probably be wisest not to stay overnight with your friend and her shack up. It will seem to her as though you have no problem with her sinful living arrangement. However, accepting or declining the invitation may not be your only two options. What about the possibilities of either making it a day trip (and not spending the night at all), or accepting the invitation, but staying in a hotel or somewhere else besides under her roof? That way, you could spend time with your friend and have the opportunity to call her to repentance, face to face.
This would also give you the chance to share the gospel with her. I know she professes to be a Christian, but it’s important that we believe God over sinful human beings, and God says:
And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, truly in him the love of God has been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.
1 John 2:3-6
Yes, Christians fall into sin, but Christians also repent. We do not gleefully jump into the pool of sin and swim around in it for extended periods of time. We hate our sin. We feel guilt and conviction over our sin. And we repent. That’s one of the fruits of genuine conversion. Likewise, living in sin without conviction, repentance, etc., is the fruit of someone who is lost, regardless of what she might claim, because God says so.
I would encourage you to go and spend some time with your friend (without spending the night at her house) if at all possible. The Lord has put you – someone who cares for her and knows the Truth – into her life to be salt and light to her.
How to do it graciously? Reassure her of your love for her and that if you didn’t truly love her, you wouldn’t be addressing this with her. And then just tell her the truth. She claims to be a Christian. She’s living in direct violation of God’s Word. She needs to repent and change her ways.
Saying all of this graciously and kindly doesn’t mean she won’t get mad at you and break off the relationship. She might do just that because she loves her sin more than she loves you and certainly more than she loves Christ. No amount of graciousness and kindness on your part can prevent that.
And as strong, godly Christian women, we have to be OK with that. We serve a Savior who was despised and rejected by men. Is a disciple above his teacher or a slave above his master?
“A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a slave above his master. It is enough for the disciple that he become like his teacher, and the slave like his master. If they have called the head of the house Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household!
“Therefore do not fear them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for an assarion? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.
“Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven.
“Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household.
“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.
Matthew 10:24-39
The gospel divides. And we are always called to stand with Jesus on His side of the divide.
I am wondering if you lead or have a ladies discernment class/group at your church? How do you handle discernment in your own church – formally or informally? The pushback I’m getting as I clear out our library (I’m the recent Library Chairwoman) has been a surprise to me. I’m wondering if I need to request to my Pastor to start a discernment group either as a Sunday School offering or as a study. I have no idea what resources outside of the Bible I would need, and any direction/ suggestions you could give would be great! 💜 Thank you so much for all you do!
It’s always a challenge when the pastor wants to move the church in a more discerning direction, and sometimes the pushback isn’t pleasant.
We do not have standing groups or classes at my church specifically centered around discernment. It’s just part of our regular sermons, Sunday School lessons, and discipleship classes whenever it comes up in the biblical text we’re studying, just like forgiveness or patience or prayer or any other biblical principle.
But if your church has really had no instruction in discernment, it’s probably best to spend some focused time on it. It would be best and most biblical if your pastor took the lead on this. It’s in his job description / qualifications, after all:
He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.
Titus 1:9
It’s up to him how he addresses it – a sermon series, a discipleship seminar, maybe invite Justin Peters in to teach, or whatever. My only suggestion would be that it shouldn’t be framed as a “discernment group“. That makes it sound like a special group only for those who are interested (like a knitting group or a bowling group), when this is an important biblical principle and command for every Christian, “interested” or not. Everyone in your church needs to be instructed in discernment. It’s not optional.
Once your pastor decides how he’d like to handle If you’d like to undergird with the women what he’s doing with the whole congregation, I have two suggestions:
◦ I’ve written a Bible study on discernment. It’s called Choose What Is Right: A Study in Discernment, and you can find it (along with all the other studies I’ve written) at the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. All of my studies are free, available 24/7, and suitable for groups or individuals.
◦ How about making it fun and letting me do the heavy lifting? If you’d like to set up a women’s conference at your church, I’d be delighted to come and teach on the topic of discernment (other topics available too!). Just go back up to the blue menu bar at the top of this page and click on the Speaking Engagements tab for all the details.
One more piece of advice that’s probably a little too late for you but might spare another reader and/or her pastor: the church library can be a bit of a golden calf for some church members, and for various reasons. When a solid pastor friend of mine decided to finally pull the trigger on cleaning out his church’s years’ neglected library of all the fluff and false doctrine, he went about it in a very wise way.
He told none of the church members about it. He went into the library, assessed it, and assigned one of the other pastors’ wives (who was discerning and had been itching to get in there and clean house) to the task. He told her what he wanted removed and told her to come to him with anything else questionable. It was done quickly, quietly, and most importantly, with little to no pushback. That’s what I’d recommend.
You’re welcome! I’m glad that’s a helpful resource.
Typically, when this kind of request is made, it’s about a pastor, author, etc. that I’ve never heard of. And let me just say, I’m thrilled – THRILLED – that there are so many good ones out there that I haven’t heard of most of them. There are good, doctrinally sound teachers out there, it’s just that most of them are not well known. Don’t be discouraged, thinking there’s nothing out there but false teachers!
But just as a general answer to this question, no, I probably won’t add the person you’re suggesting. The people on the recommended teachers list are people I feel comfortable proactively recommending because I know them personally and/or I’ve personally listened to them long enough (think: years) to know, from first hand experience, that they’re solid.
You’re welcome to keep suggesting people. I might listen to them. But if I do add them, it’s going to be a while.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
This follower responded to a Facebook post of mine encouraging women to avoid Tara Leigh Cobble…
I have been reading The Bible Recap and what I have loved was [Tara Leigh Cobble] explaining the Scriptures to me after, which is helpful. I struggle with understanding Scripture and need it broken down for me. Can you recommend something like this for me?
I’m so glad you asked! I can actually recommend something much better! You may have already done some of these, but I want to answer this question for anyone who might happen across this article.
📖 Make sure you have been genuinely born again. Genuine Believers are indwelt by the Holy Spirit who illumines (supernaturally helps us understand) Scripture to us. First Corinthians 2:14 tells us that’s why lost people (even false converts – those who think they’re saved, but aren’t) aren’t able to understand Scripture. Carefully and prayerfully consider the Scriptures and materials at the What Must I Do to Be Saved tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page), and make sure you’ve repented and believed the biblical gospel.
But a natural man does not accept the depths of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually examined.
1 Corinthians 2:14
📖 Make sure you’re joined to a doctrinally sound local church. (Check out the Searching for a new church? tab if you need help.) Another reason someone might not understand Scripture is that she’s not in a good, solid, Bible believing, Bible teaching church, so she’s not being taught Scripture or how to understand it.
📖 Make sure you have a trustworthy translation of the Bible that’s easy for you to understand. My article The Mailbag: Which Bible Do You Recommend? has some helpful hints for translations to consider, and to avoid.
📖 Get plugged in to your church and attend faithfully (every Sunday morning at a minimum unless you’re sick or otherwise absolutely can’t go; preferably also Sunday night and midweek if your church has services those days). Sit under good preaching from your pastor, and join a Sunday School or Bible study class. Take every opportunity to study and learn Scripture at your church where your pastor and elders can have oversight over the Bible study classes you’re in to make sure they don’t go wonky.
📖 Ask a godly, older woman to disciple you according to Titus 2:3-5. If you don’t know someone like that at your church, ask your pastor for help.
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,so that they may instruct the young women in sensibility: to love their husbands, to love their children,to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be slandered.
Titus 2:3-5
📖 Put aside The Bible Recap and any other “canned” studies (Bible study books, workbooks, programs, etc.), you’re using, and study straight from the text of Scripture in a systematic way. If you’ve never done that before, check out some of the studies I’ve written at the Bible Studies tab. My studies are designed to teach you how to study straight from the Bible in a “learn by doing” sort of way. Try a couple (they’re all free), and once you get the hang of it, you won’t have to rely on anyone else’s studies – even mine – any more. Or, you could just pick up your Bible, choose a book, begin with chapter 1, verse 1, and study it through to the end.
📖 Pray before you study. Start your Bible study time by asking God to help you understand His Word, to speak to you from it, to learn what He wants you to learn from it, and to obey its instruction. This is a God who loves you and wants you to know Him. He has told you that you can ask for wisdom and understanding and He promises to give it to you. Asking God to help you understand His Word is a prayer He delights to answer.
📖 As you’re studying your Bible, listening to the sermons at church, and learning in your Bible study classes, if you have a question about something, ask your pastor, elders, Bible study teacher, or the woman who’s discipling you.
The reason all of these things are better than a “canned” Bible study alternative to The Bible Recap is that all of these things I’ve outlined above are God’s plan for us to learn His Word. God’s plan is for us to learn His Word through the local church, not from strangers on the internet, in books, and so on. It’s fine to occasionally supplement what you’re learning in church and your personal Bible study time with a good book, podcast, or sermon (see the Recommended Bible Teachers, Authors, etc. tab for some suggestions), but your primary source of Bible teaching should be your local church.
Have you seen the movie King of Kings? Are you going to write a review of it?
Haven’t seen it. Not planning to see it or write a review of it unless God picks me up by the hair and plunks me down into a theater that’s showing it (for free – I’m not going to financially support it by buying a ticket).
However, if you’re looking for a trustworthy review, I would highly recommend this one from my friend, Pastor Gabriel Hughes…
or the TLDL version – his two minute WWUTT video review (sorry, can’t redact what some of y’all will consider a 2CV {second Commandment violation} on this one)…
…or this two part commentary and review from Wretched:
However, I did watch season 1 of the Amazon Prime series, House of David, because these “Bible” shows are just train wrecks I can’t seem to look away from. Here’s my mini-review (because I’m not writing a real review). Spoilers follow:
So far (that’s the focal phrase in this sentence) – although there are definitely some biblical issues with the content of the episodes (I didn’t look into any of the actors or any behind the scenes stuff. I just watched the show. And not super carefully. I needed something to watch while folding laundry.) – so far, it seems more biblically accurate than The Chosen. And, yeah, I realize that’s not saying much. And no, I don’t hold out any hope that it won’t get worse. And no, I don’t think they’re going to get the theology surrounding David as a type of Christ – or any other theological points – right.
The actor playing David is adorable, but by about the third episode (out of eight), I was done with his (or whoever dubbed it) whiny, nasally singing. I’ll be reaching for the mute button on that from here on out.
The general posture of animosity towards David from his brothers and father? I’ve read the biblical account a bunch of times, and I’ve never gotten that impression, have you?
Goliath: Turn the captions on because you’re not going to be able to understand a word he says.
Samuel: I like him, but what about a hair and beard cut? At least he doesn’t have a man bun. Yet.
Lots of visions in this show (David, Saul, etc.) that are mentioned nowhere in Scripture.
The way they’re portraying Saul’s mental problems (or whatever you want to call them), minus the weird apparitions of Amalek, are about the way I have always pictured them. Some theologians think Saul was bi-polar. I think it was either that or demon possession or oppression. Anyway, it seems true to life.
Goliath threw a spear and injured David before David killed him? Yeah… no. The text doesn’t say that. That’s your “artistic license” coming in to “improve” on a story that’s already perfect.
“What’s my purpose?” “Find your purpose.” Purpose, purpose, purpose. Is Rick Warren getting any royalties off this show? If not, he might want to look into that.
Greg Laurie wrote an accompanying devotional for the show. Miss me with that. I’m going to tell you like we told you with The Chosen devotionals / “Bible” studies: If you want a Bible study on this story, God already wrote it. Pick up your Bible and read it. That way you know you’re getting the truth.
What did I forget? Got specific questions? Comment below.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
