Category: Mailbag

Holidays (Other), Mailbag

The Mailbag: Mardi Gras, Ash Wednesday, and Lent

Michelle Lesley

Originally published March 4, 2019

For an expanded and more detailed treatment of this topic (based on this brief article), please listen to the Mardi Gras, Ash Wednesday, and Lent episode of A Word Fitly Spoken.

What are Mardi Gras, Ash Wednesday, and Lent? Are they biblical? Should Christians participate in them?

If you don’t live in Louisiana or a heavily Catholic area, maybe you’re not very familiar with these observances. Let’s take a look at each of them:

What is…

Lent– Lent is a forty day period (not counting Sundays) leading up to Easter. It is observed by Catholics and some Protestants. Historically, it is supposed to be a period of repentance, penance, fasting, and self-denial. The aspect of Lent that people tend to be most familiar with is the idea of giving something up (self-denial/penance) for Lent such as watching TV, chocolate, smoking, or eating meat.

What is the meaning of Lent? at Got Questions

What is Lent? at US Conference of Catholic Bishops*

Ash Wednesday– Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent. Ashes are applied to the forehead in the shape of a cross to indicate repentance and that the recipient will begin the Lenten fast. Ash Wednesday is primarily observed by Catholics and some Protestants.

What is Ash Wednesday? at Got Questions

Ash Wednesday at Catholic Online*

Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday)– Mardi Gras is the day before Ash Wednesday. It has its roots in Shrove Tuesday, which was originally a day of feasting on all of the foods that were forbidden during Lent so these foods would not spoil or go to waste since they could not be eaten again until after Easter. Through the years, this day of feasting has morphed into drunken revelry – sort of a “last hoorah” for getting all the sin out of your system before you have to start “being good” for Lent. In Louisiana (and a few other places), it is much more a cultural holiday than a religious observance. People from various religions as well as non-religious people participate in Mardi Gras. It is celebrated with numerous parades, balls, and other festivities. The colors of Mardi Gras are purple (representing justice), green (representing faith), and gold (representing power).

What is the origin of Fat Tuesday / Mardi Gras? at Got Questions

Mardi Gras History at Mardi Gras New Orleans*

Are these days/observances biblical?

Lent– Yes and no. Mostly no. The fundamental components of Lent – repentance, fasting, and the pursuit of holiness – are biblical. Repentance and holy living should be practiced by all Christians every day, and biblical fasting as the Holy Spirit convicts the individual Believer.

However, Lent is not mentioned or even hinted at in the Bible, and any Catholic observance (of Lent or anything else) is fundamentally unbiblical because the Catholic religion itself is unbiblical. It is also unbiblical for a church to require that its members observe a man-made religious ritual or to imply or teach that participating in this ritual earns favor with God or absolves or makes up for sin. Furthermore, to teach that there is a special time of the year set aside for repentance and holiness is unbiblical. Christians are to walk in holiness and repentance every day.

Ash Wednesday– Again, yes and no. Mostly no, and for most of the same reasons Lent is generally unbiblical. The fundamental components of Ash Wednesday – repentance of sin and the pursuit of holiness – are biblical and should be practiced by all Christians every day.

In addition to the unbiblical facets of Lent, Ash Wednesday’s forehead ashes “disfigure[s] their faces that their fasting may be seen by others” which is the exact opposite of the humble way Christ teaches us to fast.

Mardi Gras– No. The drunkenness, sin, and lasciviousness that go along with typical Mardi Gras celebrations are patently unbiblical as is the idea of getting all the sin out of our systems before we have to start being good. The Bible teaches against these things.

Should Christians participate in…

Lent– Catholic observances of Lent – no. Some doctrinally sound churches and individuals freely choose to set aside a time of biblical fasting, prayer, and worship in anticipation of Easter. For Christians who observe Lent in this way, as long as it is observed in keeping with Scriptural principles, it can be a valuable and meaningful time of respite and renewal with the Lord just as it could if observed at any other time of the year.

Ash Wednesday– No. It is unbiblical, as cited above.

Mardi Gras– Christians should not participate in any sinful activities any day of the year, including Mardi Gras, nor believe or portray to others by their actions, the unbiblical “theology” behind Mardi Gras. (And as a non-theological aside, violent crime in New Orleans during Mardi Gras has made attending Mardi Gras parades and other events very dangerous.)

However, as I mentioned, in Louisiana, Mardi Gras has become much more of a cultural holiday than an observance with religious undertones. Many smaller towns (and even some larger ones) eschew the debauchery that takes place in New Orleans and offer family-friendly parades which are basically as innocuous as our local Christmas parades or a Fourth of July fireworks show. For Christians who have worked and prayed through the appropriate biblical principles and whose consciences allow them to participate in non-sinful Mardi Gras activities such as attending these types of parades, I believe this is an issue of adiaphora (Christian liberty) similar to participating in non-sinful aspects of Halloween. (Don’t forget to take along some tracts to hand out!)

Additional Resources:

Mardi Gras & Lent: I wouldn’t if I were you at Cage Free Theology

*These articles are linked for informational purposes only. Obviously, I’m not endorsing Catholic websites or anything on a secular website that’s ungodly.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

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The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs

Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 7, 2020

I get lots of great questions, and sometimes, they’re the same questions from lots of different people. So I thought today it would be fun, instead of answering just one person’s question, to answer lots of people’s questions. Here are the top 10 Mailbag questions readers most frequently ask:

1.

“Do you know anything about [Christian pastor/teacher/author] or his/her materials? Is s/he doctrinally sound?”

The best way to find out if I’ve written anything on a particular teacher is to put her name (make sure you spell it correctly) into the search bar, which is located at the bottom of every page of the blog. You can also check the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab and the Recommended Bible Teachers tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) to see if the teacher’s name is located there.

If you need answers on a certain teacher right away, and I haven’t written anything about her, you will need to do the research yourself, which is a skill every Christian needs to hone anyway. (You should never just take my, or anybody else’s, word for it that a particular teacher is or isn’t trustworthy.) In case you need a little help getting started, I’ve described how I do my research, complete with some quick litmus tests and shortcuts in my article Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring It Out on Your Own. 

If I haven’t written an article about a teacher you see as problematic who’s reaching a wide audience, you’re welcome to send me her name along with any links you may have to her unbiblical teaching or behavior. If I get enough questions about a particular teacher, I’ll probably write an article on her.

2.

“Can you recommend a good
women’s/children’s/teens/particular topic Bible study?”

No. On principle, I do not recommend what I call “canned” (book, workbook, DVD, etc.) Bible studies- not even doctrinally sound ones. The church has become so utterly dependent on books and materials written by others that the majority of evangelicals have no idea how to simply pick up the Bible and study or teach straight from the text of Scripture. I may be the only one to stand against that tide, but I’m standing against it. We need to, as a general practice, cut out the middleman and get back to learning and teaching straight from the Bible itself.

If studying or teaching directly from Scripture is new to you, I would encourage you to check out the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, which explains more about my philosophy of Bible study and provides numerous resources to help you learn how to study or teach the Bible itself.

One of the resources you’ll find is all of the Bible studies I’ve written. They are all free, all suitable for individual and group use, and you are welcome to print out as many copies as you need. My studies are learn-by-doing “training wheels” that teach you: how to study/teach the Bible in a systematic way, the kinds of things you should be noticing in the text, the kinds of questions you should be asking of the text, and how the various parts of the Bible fit together to tell God’s grand story of redemption through Christ. Work through a study or two. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll be ready to unbolt those training wheels and study or teach on your own without needing to rely on anyone else’s materials any more – including mine.

Here are a few additional resources:

The Mailbag: Can you recommend a good Bible study for women/teens/kids?

The Mailbag: “We need to stop relying on canned studies,” doesn’t mean, “We need to rely on doctrinally sound canned studies.”

McBible Study and the Famine of God’s Word

3.

“You shouldn’t be warning against [popular false teacher]
for [X,Y,Z] reason!”

Sorry, but that’s not what the Bible says. The question isn’t, “Why am I warning against them?”. The question is, “Why aren’t you?”

Answering the Opposition- Responses to the Most Frequently Raised Discernment Objections

4.

I’m trying to find a doctrinally sound church. Can you help me?

It is my delight to help my brothers and sisters find a solid church. Please check out the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

If you’re newly saved and/or coming out of the New Apostolic Reformation, prosperity gospel, New Age, Catholicism, Mormonism, etc., I would strongly recommend reading through all of the resources in the “What to look for in a church” section of that tab before beginning your search for an actual church. You need to know what makes a church doctrinally sound (or not), and those resources can help.

Notice that there are multiple church search engines at the top of that tab. If you don’t find something in your area at the first search engine, go to the next one, and keep going until you’ve exhausted all of them.

Keep in mind that doctrinally sound churches are becoming scarcer and scarcer. You may have to drive longer than you’d like to get to one. It may not meet all your preferences. You might have to try a different denomination than you’re used to. The most doctrinally sound church you can find within achievable driving distance may have a few biblical “warts” (for example: a generally solid preaching/teaching church but the women’s ministry uses materials by false teachers). It is possible that God may put you in that less than perfect church to sanctify you, or for you to help bring about biblical change.

Sometimes people e-mail me asking if I can help them find a church. Your best bet is really to use all of the resources at the “Searching for a new church” tab. I want to reassure you that, unlike Walmart, I don’t have any churches in the back store room that haven’t been stocked yet. With the exception of a handful of churches my readers have recommended that I haven’t had a chance to vet yet, everything I have is out on the shelves at that tab. :0) (I would also encourage everyone reading this – if you attend a doctrinally sound church, click the link above and see if your church is listed on at least one of the two most popular church search engines: Founders and/or Master’s Seminary church search engines. If not, talk to your pastor about submitting your church’s information to one or more of these so people can find you! You are also welcome to submit your church for inclusion on my Reader Recommended Churches list, but that list doesn’t reach nearly as many people as the aforementioned other three do.)

If you’ve made a good faith effort at the “Searching…” tab and have exhausted all of the resources there, and you still can’t find a passable church within achievable driving distance, you have two options (one of which is not giving up on church and staying home): move to an area that has a solid, established church, or look into church planting.

If you’re considering moving for a church, do everything in your power to make sure that church is solid and is going to stay that way. Find out about their history. Watch their worship services online regularly for a few months. Set up a Zoom call with the pastor or elders, explain your situation, and “interview them”. Don’t be shy to ask any, and as many questions as you need to. You’re picking up your entire life and moving based on what they say. Churches are apostatizing at an alarming rate. The last thing you want to do is move somewhere for a church you thought was sound, only to have it take a turn toward sin or false doctrine six months after you get there.

Personally, I think church planting is the preferable option for at least two reasons. First, you don’t have to go through the hassle, logistics (“Will I be able to find a job in this new place?”), and emotional upheaval of leaving family and friends behind that comes with moving. Second, if you’re in an area where you can’t find a good church, neither can any of your neighbors. You could be the person God uses to bring a solid church to an area without a gospel witness. How amazing would that be? Pick up the phone or fire up your email and start contacting the church planting organizations listed. Explain your dilemma. Ask for their help. If none of the church planting organizations can help, contact the nearest doctrinally sound church, explain things to the pastor, and ask about his church planting a church in your area.

5.

(I’m combining two questions here because the answers to both, and the resources for both, are similar and overlap.)

The leadership at my church is kicking off a new Bible study using materials by a false teacher. What should I do?

It breaks my heart that this is, indeed, a frequently asked question. Please see my article The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?.

My friend is following a false teacher. How can I help her see this? 

Here are some resources that can help:

Words with Friends: How to contend with loved ones – at A Word Fitly Spoken (many additional resources linked here)

Words With Friends by Amy Spreeman

Clinging to the Golden Calf: 7 Godly Responses When Someone Says You’re Following a False Teacher 

6.

My church uses …
or
I’m looking for a new church,
and I found one that’s really sound, except they use…
Bethel / Jesus Culture / Hillsong / Elevation music
or other music from heretical sources.
What should I do?

Please see my article The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?. You can find information about Bethel, et al at the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. Some other resources that may be helpful:

Why Your Church Should Stop Playing Bethel, Hillsong, Elevation and Jesus Culture

The Mailbag: False Doctrine in Contemporary Christian Music

7.

Whaddaya mean women can’t preach to men? Of course they can!

Again, sorry, but that’s not what the Bible says. I would strongly encourage you to read all of the articles in my Rock Your Role series, which examines the Scriptures dealing with the role of women in the church. (Remember, for Christians, God’s Word is our authority, not our feelings, opinions, and preferences.) I would suggest starting with these:

Jill in the Pulpit

Oh No She Di-int! Priscilla Didn’t Preach, Deborah Didn’t Dominate, and Esther Wasn’t an Egalitarian

Rock Your Role FAQs

The Mailbag: Counter Arguments to Egalitarianism

8.

Why isn’t Teacher X listed at your Popular False Teachers tab?
Does the fact that she’s not listed mean she’s doctrinally sound?
Why isn’t Teacher Y listed at your Recommended Bible Teachers tab? Does the fact that she’s not listed mean she’s a false teacher?

Please understand that these are not comprehensive lists of every false teacher or doctrinally sound teacher in existence. There are thousands of both, so that would be impossible. Also, don’t jump to conclusions about any teacher who’s not on the list. The absence of a particular teacher’s name on either list says nothing definitive about whether or not I would recommend that teacher.

The articles I’ve written about false teachers have mainly been in response to readers inquiring about them. In other words, if you don’t see a particular teacher’s name on the list, it’s probably because I haven’t been asked about her, I’ve been asked about her but haven’t had time to get to it yet, or for one of the reasons below.

The teachers on the recommended teachers list are those I’ve personally listened to or read at enough length that I feel comfortable endorsing them. Most of the teachers on the list trend toward being Calvinistic/Reformed and cessationist because I believe this is the most biblically correct view of Scripture, and because, in my experience, those of these persuasions are generally more discerning about associating with false teachers, and more expository in their teaching. (Of course there are some non-Calvinist/Reformed pastors and teachers who are stellar in these areas. I’ve had the privilege of knowing a few personally.)

There are a few other reasons you might not see someone’s name on either the false teachers or the recommended teachers lists:

• My articles on false teachers are nearly always about teachers: who are well known (thus the “Popular” in “Popular False Teachers”), who women in my particular audience – average American evangelical women – are most likely to follow, and whose materials are being used in those average American evangelical women’s churches. It takes multiple hours of research to vet teachers, and I have to invest those hours into the teachers who are deceiving the greatest numbers women in my audience.

• I don’t tend to write articles on teachers who are so blatantly heretical and/or are so well known for being heretical that it should be obvious (unless I feel there’s some compelling reason to do so). This is why you won’t see, for example, Kenneth Copeland, Benny Hinn, or Nadia Bolz-Weber on the false teachers list. Kenneth and Benny are fairly well known for being prosperity gospel heretics, and a 30 second Google search should make it obvious to most Christians who aren’t already familiar with her that Nadia is a liberal heretic. And, again, your average American evangelical woman isn’t following people like this, and her church isn’t using their materials.

• Normally, I don’t write about contemporary teachers who are dead, especially if they’re not particularly popular with my demographic. This is why you don’t see names like Mother Teresa or David Wilkerson on the list.

9.

I have a dire and complicated family/marriage/church situation,
can you help me?
Can you mentor/disciple me?

I deeply wish I could answer “yes” to all of these inquiries. I’m a helper. I want to help people. But I also know that in most of these situations, I’m not the right person for the job. So my answer to these inquiries has to be “no”. I cannot engage in counseling or discipling/mentoring relationships via e-mail.

The first reason for this is that my primary duty before the Lord is to care for my husband, children, and grandchildren, to manage my household, and to be a faithful church member. That takes a lot of time and energy. And if you’ve ever read my e-mail policy, you know I don’t even have time to answer most of the e-mails I receive, let alone the time that’s required to properly disciple, mentor, or counsel someone through a difficult circumstance.

But the second reason I’m not the right person for the job is that all of these are the job of the local church. It’s not right for me to get between you and your pastor when you need counsel or between you and an older sister at your church when you need to be discipled. You need someone who can walk with you, face to face, for the long haul, through these situations. Relying on me would be cheating yourself out of connecting with the person at your church who could be there for you the best and help you the most.

And, finally, especially in dire counseling situations such as abuse, extreme marital problems, or complex issues at church, I’m not familiar with the laws and resources in your area, I’m only hearing your side of the story, I’m not getting all of the details, etc. Your pastor or an older sister at church is there. They can better help you navigate the intricacies of the situation and provide you with more effective solutions than I can.

10.

I’d love to come hear you speak in person.
When will you be speaking in my area?

As soon as someone sets up an event and invites me! I am delighted to speak anywhere I’m invited and that can host me.

The best way to be sure you’ll be able to make it to one of my conferences or events is to set one up at your church (or in conjunction with another local church(es)) or parachurch organization. I know that probably sounds daunting, but I’ve spoken at lots of small churches with limited resources, and it might not be as difficult as you think! I’ve also provided lots of helpful hints and resources at my Speaking Engagements tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) so you don’t have to break the bank or re-invent the wheel.

The second best way to keep up to date on whether or not I’ll be speaking in your area is twofold:

  1. Go to my Speaking Engagements tab and scroll all the way to the end of the page where it says “202- Calendar”. I list all of my upcoming speaking engagements there, along with where they’re located and registration information.
  2. Subscribe to my blog via email. From time to time, I’ll create an article listing all of my upcoming events, their dates, locations, and registration information.

Hope to see you soon at an event near you!

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

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The Mailbag: Is it OK for Christians to use profanity?

Michelle Lesley

If you’d like to hear Amy and me discuss this issue in greater detail, listen in to this episode of A Word Fitly Spoken, Cussing, Profanity, and OMG.

(You can also read the transcript at this link if you’re more of a reader than a listener!)

Why is it bad for Christians to cuss? Why are certain words considered “bad words”?

For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
James 3:7-10

Ouch. Our mouths can really get us into trouble, can’t they? We can lie, boast, and say all kinds of hurtful things to others. And one way that God definitely did not intend for Christians to use our mouths is to use profanity or vulgar speech.

But why? What makes one string of four letters good and noble, such as “love,” “pray,” or “holy,” while another string of four letters is cause for washing out mouths with soap and more restrictive movie ratings?

It’s because of the meaning attached to the word. Human beings don’t deal with words as random assemblages of letters. Human beings deal with words in terms of meaning. And God doesn’t want the meanings that come out of our mouths to point people away from Him, but, rather, to represent Him well. We can see this in the instructions He gives us about the things we say:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. Ephesians 5:4

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

If you’re a Christian who uses foul or vulgar language, have you ever stopped to think about why you do that? What is the motivation of your heart for saying those words? Is it Christlike? Do you think Jesus would use that kind of language? When you say those words do they point people to or away from Christ? What impression does it give people of Christians, the church, and Christ when they hear you cussing? Think about the definitions of those words. When you say those words, what definition pops up in the mind of the person who hears you? Is it something good, pure, honorable, etc.?

But when you come right down to it, swearing is really not a disease to be treated, but a symptom of another disease- a heart infiltrated by worldliness. Luke 6:45 tells us:

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

It’s important to remedy the outward behavior of filthy language, but that only comes from having a heart that is filled with the good treasure of Christ.

For those who would like to attempt to argue that the Bible actually supports Christians using profanity, please click here for an excellent resource, and also listen to (or read the transcript of) the podcast episode linked at the beginning of this article, where we dealt with this unbiblical idea at length.

Additional Resources:

The Mailbag: When is OMG a 3C violation?

Is it a sin to cuss / swear / curse? at Got Questions

Is cursing or swearing a sin? at CARM

Mike Riccardi’s Facebook post on “skubalon”

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

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The Mailbag: How can a security team protect my church from “protests,” attacks, and other threats?

Michelle Lesley

Kudos to the Center for Baptist Leadership for essentially breaking this story. If you’re still in the SBC, fighting back against the darkness at the national level, give them a follow. They’re doing the Lord’s work over there at CBL!

(I don’t know Brandon, but when I grabbed this, his was the only post I had seen with the video on the bottom. I’m grateful he posted it.)

Hopefully, you’ve seen this story by now. I would say “news story,” but, as you might imagine, the mainstream media (including my own local media) isn’t giving it much, if any, coverage.

I posted my thoughts about this on my Facebook and X accounts. Since my husband helps lead the security team at my church, that’s where my mind initially went. A Facebook follower had a few questions and comments that I thought might be helpful to answer and address in a public forum. Below, slightly edited, is our exchange. My words are in black, hers are in blue.

My original post: If your church does not have a security team, you need to get one in place, like, yesterday. If it’s not this, it’ll be something else. Don’t wait until something happens. Get some guys* trained to protect the flock NOW.

Just wondering what you think a security team could have/would have done with a large group of unarmed individuals all coming in at once. Besides try to stop them from entering the sanctuary, and calling the police. Surely proper security in a church does not involve drawing a weapon on unarmed people?

(My church does have security, but as I read all the comments that this is why churches need it, I can’t see how you could make these people leave without physical harm. Maybe you and others are encouraging security so the assembling would have been noticed outside and police called to remove them from trespassing, but that is not the impression I get from all the “don’t try this in the south” comments on X. As I watched it last night I wondered why the congregation didn’t stand up and start corporately singing “Amazing Grace” or something.)

My husband helps lead our security team at church. Different churches handle security in different ways, but in general, here’s what would happen:

1. The security team follows the local and national news, and stays in touch with law enforcement and government officials when necessary, so they know what kinds of potential threats are out there.

2. They train and drill regularly to respond to various kinds of threats. This includes training in de-escalation as well as the use of force, and immediately contacting law enforcement should a threat situation occur.

3. They patrol the grounds, the buildings, and the security cameras before and during services and other activities to be on the alert for potential threats.

4. During worship service and certain other events, all of the exterior doors are locked (that alone probably would have helped in the Minnesota situation), and, as I said in #3, security team members are patrolling (They’re also stationed by main entrances and exits in case, for example, someone needs to leave the worship service to run out to her car, and then re-enter.). There are also security team members seated in the worship service to implement security measures and instruct and direct the congregation if that becomes necessary.

5. I don’t want to say any more than I should in a public forum in order not to give away any security strategies, so I’ll just put it this way: If a trained, armed security team is in place and doing all of the above, those protesters are very unlikely to penetrate from outside to the sanctuary.

I would also add that the congregation singing Amazing Grace or anything else is not helpful in a situation like this. It adds to the chaos, it further angers the perpetrators, it distracts the congregation from paying attention to any instruction the pastor, security team, or law enforcement might give them, and it prevents them from hearing said instructions. The congregation should sit quietly and calmly unless instructed to do otherwise.

Here’s a good example of a trained security team thwarting a cataclysmic attack on a church.

Yes. These are good things. Reading comments elsewhere, the implication is not so proactive, but rather reactive, involving force, which is not what we see with Paul in Acts 19.

“Reactive” isn’t good because it means nobody was prepared, alert, and ready beforehand, so you’re right about that. Preparing, training, and having a plan in place before something happens is much better and more effective, and it serves as a deterrent to keep things like this from happening in the first place.

But there is nothing wrong or unbiblical about using appropriate force, when necessary, to protect God’s house and God’s people (or anyone else for that matter), and you can’t correctly use the Ephesian riot in Acts 19:21-40 to argue against the use of force. That was a completely different situation.

Read the context and the text carefully. The Ephesian rioters did not attack a church. They were having their own large “meeting” (24-25, 40-41), whipped themselves up into a frenzy, thronged through the streets from the meeting place to the theater – throwing the entire city into an uproar in the process – and then dragged two of Paul’s companions into the middle of this riot (29).

Paul wanted to go into the middle of this chaos and preach/explain/fix things, but the disciples wouldn’t let him (30). Why? Not because they were trying to prevent him from using force – because that isn’t what he was going to do – but to keep him and Gaius and Aristarchus from getting killed by this mob of at least hundreds, possibly thousands. Three men against a whole city. Of course they weren’t thinking of using force – they were just trying to escape with their lives. This is completely different from what happened in the church in Minnesota.

The Ephesian riot also happened in a different country with a different government and different laws. In America, it is illegal to attack, disrupt, or damage a church, and it is legal to defend yourself and others, which, in the case of an attack on a church, also means it’s legal to protect the church property (i.e. prevent these criminals from entering the building).

Additionally, Acts is historical narrative. It is DEscriptive (a description of what happened) not PREscriptive (a command or doctrine to follow).

(I’ve discussed more about descriptive vs. prescriptive passages in this article.)

I would point out a couple of other descriptive passages that are much more applicable to protecting churches and congregations:

  • 1 Chronicles 9:17-27, 26:12-32 talk about the gatekeepers, doorkeepers, and guards of the temple. The “security team” of the temple, if you will. They’re even mentioned again in Acts 4:1, 5:24. God commanded that His house be protected and appointed people to do it.
  • Luke 22:35-38: Jesus is preparing the disciples to go out and start the New Testament church, and He tells them to take swords with them – even to sell their garments and buy one if they don’t have one. What were those swords for if not defending themselves if attacked?
  • The entire Old Testament is filled with accounts of Israel killing the enemies of God’s people – sometimes even “innocent” women and children – and this use of force was often initiated by Israel (in other words, they attacked the enemy; it wasn’t always self-defense).

God is OK with Christians defending ourselves and others with force if necessary.

*A couple of other followers mentioned or suggested women serving on the security team alongside men. If you have women church members who have professional experience or contacts with law enforcement, the military, relevant areas of government, etc., it’s fine for them to act as liaisons between the church and these entities, offer needed input appropriately behind the scenes, etc., but when it comes to actively engaging in protecting God’s house and God’s people, biblically, that’s a job for men, not women.

Furthermore – and this is anecdotal, but it’s worth thinking about – nearly all of the commenters on my posts who were objecting to the use of force, security teams, and offering bad “touchy feely” advice (such as singing Amazing Grace during a threat situation), were women. Generally speaking, God has gifted women in the areas of compassion, mercy, and nurturing, and those attributes are wonderful when exercised in the appropriate situations that call for those things. Protecting people against dangerous thugs is not one of those situations. Protecting people from dangerous thugs calls for men, whom God has graciously gifted in dispassionately killing people and breaking things when a threat, and the need, arises. All things considered, everyone is safer with men protecting them than with women protecting them.

Additional Resources:

Your Church Needs a Security Team – NOW by Dusty Deevers

No, You Don’t Have a First Amendment Right to Disrupt Worship at The Cripplegate

Shocking: Anti-Ice Mob Storms Baptist Church | Center for Baptist Leadership | Monday, January 18, 2026

This is an excerpt from the full video from CBL, above.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Non-Christian students at Christian schools?… Christian women & sports?… Conviction over an intimate act…)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

Should Bible believing private schools allow non-Christian families to enroll?

It’s a great question, and I think the answer could rightly be yes or no depending on the school, its purpose, and those leading it.

Many, many moons ago in the 1980’s, I attended and graduated from a Christian school. (It was a pre-K through 12 school. I attended 9th-11th grade there, and graduated at the end of my 11th grade year.) My mother was also a science and math teacher there, so I was privy to some of the administrative goings on.

I taught kindergarten for a couple of years at a private Christian school.

Three of my children attended private Christian schools at various times during their middle and high school years. I served on the board of one of them since it was a ministry of our church.

What my experience as a Christian school student, teacher, parent, and board member has taught me is that there are typically two main types of students whose parents enroll them in a Christian school:

  1. Christian parents who want to protect their children from the ungodliness and violence of the public school system and give them a Christ-centered education
  2. Non-Christian parents with a child whose behavior problems are so bad that either a) the child has been expelled from other schools and the Christian school is the only one that will take him, or b) the child is on the road to expulsion, and the parents see a Christian school as a way to straighten him out.

All of the schools I mentioned above sought to provide a quality, Christ-centered education and environment to students, and all were a mixture of those two main types of students.

So long as the “type 2” students outwardly conformed to the rules and the environment, things went well. But that rarely happened for long, and serious and disruptive discipline problems often arose. (Imagine what your church would be like if, say, unrepentant criminals were forced by their probation officers to attend and participate, and it will give you some idea of the conflict-laden environment.)

I would be interested to see what it would look like for a Christian school to “specialize” in only “type 1” or “type 2” students. Personally, I think that would work better, but there are people with far more expertise and professional experience in the field of Christian education than I who could give better insight and wisdom than I can.

I love fitness and recently have been thinking about getting more involved in volleyball, but I’m concerned about whether it’s okay for women to be involved in sports – and then concerned about its appropriateness whether a woman is playing against other women or other men (or a mixed group of people). 

Well, we are really traveling back down memory lane in The Mailbag today, because, while I was a student at the aforementioned Christian school, I was also on the volleyball team! I am not athletically inclined, and it’s the only sport I ever enjoyed or was marginally any good at. But anyway…

I can’t think of anything in Scripture that would prohibit or even discourage women from being involved in recreational-level sports, especially if the purpose for doing so is exercise and fitness. While we’re not to focus on strengthening our bodies to the exclusion of strengthening ourselves spiritually, God’s Word is clear that our bodies are a gift from God and that we’re to steward them well because they house the Holy Spirit and are the means by which we’re able to physically serve Him and others.

To that end, many churches offer sports or exercise classes. When I was growing up, my local Baptist association of churches had a softball league among all the churches with children’s, youth, men’s, and women’s teams. It can be a lot of fun to fellowship together while getting some exercise!

But I don’t think co-ed sports are wise. We’ve seen enough of the pitfalls of men inserting themselves into women’s sports in news story after news story. Women get injured because men are stronger, bigger, and more powerful (or men have to hold themselves back and be extremely careful not to injure women). Healthy competition comes to a standstill because men usually win. Many women’s sports uniforms are immodest. There are just too many issues that arise, especially for Christians, when sports aren’t sex-segregated.

If you’re married, discuss it with your husband. If you’re not (or you need further input), bounce it off 😀 a godly older woman in your church or set (but not bump or spike!) up an appointment with your pastor for counsel.

The following question deals with sexual intercourse in marriage. It was asked in an appropriate, non-detailed way, and I’ve answered it in the same way, but if you think there may be any potential for temptation of your imagination, please skip this question and answer.

I would like to ask you what specific intimate acts in the marriage bed are sinful and if either spouse has the authority to demand it and withhold intimacy all together if the demand isn’t met regardless of how long said act has been practiced in their relationship.  

If one spouse grows in Christ and becomes uncomfortable with this certain act commonly practiced and over time convicted that it is sin for them to continue to engage in and the other spouse feels unfairly treated (cheated) due to this conviction and desire to stop doing it and this specific issue is seriously threatening the marriage. The person feeling cheated has stopped attending worship and stopped engaging in family worship, and is not willing to seek elder/church or any counsel although claims to be in Christ and convinced they are right. 

Please address respecting the conscience of the other person if a specific act is not clearly forbidden in scripture but can be indirectly defended by scripture by stressing the natural function of the woman vs unnatural. 

I apologize for being a little vague.  I know it is a topic the church shys away from and I believe many couples struggle in the area of intimacy and are afraid to go to their church about it due to embarrassment of one or both spouses. 

How would you counsel both spouses in this situation? Specifically the spouse who is no longer comfortable with the act and is seeking help. Or who (other than the local church) would you direct them to for help. 

Should the conscience be violated for the sake of saving the marriage and “being submissive to each other”?

Wow. There’s a lot going on here, and I’m afraid I can’t be of much specific help without more specific details (which I do not want; please don’t send them), but I’ll do my best.

I would like to ask you what specific intimate acts in the marriage bed are sinful…

I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can – or will – answer that. Even if it were appropriate for this venue (it’s not), my knowledge of what I can only imagine to be hundreds of possible acts of intimacy is – praise God for His mercy and protection – extremely limited.

You and your husband should not be participating in any acts which:

  • the Bible specifically prohibits (lust {for other people; sexual desire for your spouse is biblical and not properly termed “lust”}, pornography, bestiality, rape, homosexuality, prostitution, adultery, or anything that would fall under the category of sexual immorality), or fantasizing about or pretending to do any of these things
  • are illegal
  • involve other sins or things the Bible prohibits (e.g. drunkenness)
  • intentionally harm, humiliate, or injure yourself or your spouse (the entire posture of Scripture is that we’re to steward our own bodies for God’s glory and we’re to love, care for, and protect others, laying aside our own desires)

…if either spouse has the authority to demand it and withhold intimacy all together if the demand isn’t met…

Spouses should not be “demanding” anything – sexual or not – from one another. Marriage, and the Christian life itself, are about dying to self, loving others, and laying your life down for them. That’s what Jesus did for us.

It is also unbiblical to deny your spouse sex (except temporarily, for the purpose of prayer, and then, only by agreement). God is crystal clear about that in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5:

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

If one spouse grows in Christ and becomes uncomfortable with this certain act…and…convicted that it is sin for them to continue to engage in and the other spouse feels unfairly treated (cheated) due to this conviction…

It’s understandable that the spouse who does not feel convicted about this particular act you’ve been doing for years would feel cheated when it’s suddenly taken away. S/he might even feel a bit judged, too.

I would encourage the spouse with the conviction about the act to do two things:

First, your convictions must be informed by rightly handled Scripture. By way of example: some people have a strong conviction that alcohol is sinful. But that is not a biblical conviction, because Scripture does not teach that alcohol is sinful. It teaches that drunkenness is sinful. I would urge you to search the Scriptures and consider the bullet point list I gave above, and make sure your conviction is based on rightly handled Scripture.

Second, think creatively (yet still biblically), and see if there’s some sort of compromise you can reach with your non-convicted spouse. Perhaps there’s a part of the act you’re not convicted is wrong that you could still do, or you could adjust the act in some sort of way you both agree on that you would not be convicted about.

Do whatever you can, biblically, and in good conscience, to deny your spouse as little as possible.

The person feeling cheated has stopped attending worship and stopped engaging in family worship, and is not willing to seek elder/church or any counsel although claims to be in Christ and convinced they are right. 

I’m sorry, but this is not the fruit of someone who has been genuinely regenerated. Punishing your spouse, or lashing out against God, by sinning (disobeying God’s commands to gather with the church and properly lead or participate in worship in the family setting) because you’ve been denied a sex act is the fruit of a lost person, not a saved person. At a minimum, this spouse should be under church discipline for his/her failure to gather, and if it gets to step 3 (bringing it before the church), the reason for failing to gather is going to come out to the pastor and elders whether s/he likes it or not.

Please address respecting the conscience of the other person if a specific act is not clearly forbidden in Scripture…

Scripture is clear that we are not to sin against our own consciences. It is, therefore, sinful to force, pressure, or manipulate someone else – let alone your spouse! – to sin against his/her conscience.

but can be indirectly defended by scripture by stressing the natural function of the woman vs. unnatural. 

I’m sorry, I don’t know what this means the way you’ve worded it, and I don’t think it would be wise for me to try to figure it out.

All I can advise you – touching back to the issue of making sure your conscience is informed by rightly handled Scripture – is that this phraseology comes from Romans 1:26-27, which is specifically about homosexuality. If you’re applying the phrase, “the natural function of woman” to anything other than homosexuality, like, “I’m post-menopausal. The natural function of sex for women is to have babies. Therefore, I don’t want to have sex any more because sex for post-menopausal women is not the natural function,” you would be using that passage out of context, your conscience would not be biblically informed, and you’d be violating 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. (I know it’s not the greatest example, but, hopefully, you get what I’m saying.)

I believe many couples struggle in the area of intimacy and are afraid to go to their church about it due to embarrassment of one or both spouses.

Yeah. Everybody’s got to get over that. My husband used to be a pastor. I’ve had dozens of pastors as friends over the years. Trust me, in most cases, whatever you need to disclose to your pastor about your sex life, he’s heard it before and your situation probably isn’t the weirdest or most embarrassing situation he’s heard before. Get over your embarrassment – that’s just Satan’s little tool to keep you in bondage.

How would you counsel both spouses in this situation? Specifically the spouse who is no longer comfortable with the act and is seeking help. Or who (other than the local church) would you direct them to for help.

I would advise the couple to immediately set up an appointment with their pastor for counsel. If one of the spouses refuses to go, the other should go without him/her. Briefly explain the issue to your pastor. He may then decide to counsel the two of you himself (probably along with his wife), or he may have a godly older woman in the church counsel the wife and he or a godly older man in the church may counsel the husband, or he may suggest a certified biblical counselor. (Please read the info at the link if you’re not familiar. This is not the same as “Christian counseling,” which I would not recommend.)

Should the conscience be violated for the sake of saving the marriage and “being submissive to each other”?

No, if you conscience is informed by rightly handled Scripture, you should not violate it.

Scripture does not teach that husbands and wives are to be “submissive to each other”. It teaches that wives are to submit to their husbands. Husbands are not instructed to submit to their wives. Read Ephesians 5 in its entirety. When you do, it’s easy to see that verses 1-21 are addressed to the church. “Being subject to one another in the fear of Christ,” (verse 21) is the final instruction in the section to the church. Verses 22-33 are specifically about marriage, and verse 22 kicks that section off by saying, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands…”.

I’m so sorry this is an issue in your marriage, and I wish I could be of more help. This is just one more reason why God’s plan for Christians is the pastor and the local church. We certainly need them in situations like this.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.