Month: August 2025

Christian women, Men

Feminist Infiltration and the Emasculation of Christian Men

Michelle Lesley

Originally published May 13, 2016

I hate radical secular feminism. I really do. Don’t get me wrong, I deeply appreciate the right to vote and own property. I think that men and women with the same amount of experience and education should be paid the same amount of money for doing the same job. And, I love seeing women study and develop their minds (particularly in the area of sound biblical doctrine.)

But what I don’t like is some of the methods that have been employed to achieve these things, the biblical values that have been sacrificed along the way, and the emasculating impact feminism has had on men.

Turn on any television show, watch a commercial, go to the movies, read the news, scroll through your social media feed, and examine the way men are generally viewed, spoken of, and being treated by others.

If a female character on a TV show slaps her husband or punches him in the arm, we laugh or sympathize with her anger, depending on the scenario, but if the roles were reversed we’d call the same behavior from a man abuse.

Men are frequently portrayed as bumbling incompetents as fathers, husbands, and employees, with a heroine mom, wife, or co-worker stepping in to save the day.

We see women wearing the pants in the family and treating their husbands like an extra child, and we see men who respond in kind: acting like children, obeying their wives’ commands, and, often, indulging in hours of childish pastimes, like video games, instead of working hard and caring for their families.

It’s not Father Knows Best anymore. It’s Father’s a Moronic Buffoon to Kick Around.

It’s not “Father Knows Best” anymore. It’s “Father’s a Moronic Buffoon to Kick Around”. And what’s alarming is that these attitudes have been creeping into the church for years.

And what’s alarming is that these attitudes have been creeping into the church for years.

Just as women rebelled against the law and social conventions to gain equality with men, “Christian” women now rebel against Scripture by becoming pastors and instructing and holding authority over men in the church. (In fact, this has been going on so long that many in the next generation aren’t even aware that the Bible prohibits this.)

Just as men in secular society have stepped back to avoid being run over by headstrong women, or even joined them in their quest for female dominance, evangelical men have abdicated their God-given positions of leadership in the church and home, sometimes even joining women in their violation of Scripture by inviting them into unbiblical positions of leadership and by sitting under their teaching and preaching.

Those are the things that are overt and visible. But it’s happening on a more subtle level, too, even among complementarian men, women, and churches.

Have you ever heard a man attempt to praise his wife by saying, “I married up,” or “way up,” or “way over my head,” and then proceed to describe himself as, basically, a bucket of slime in comparison to his wife? Most of the men I’ve heard say this have been good, godly men, including my husband, who has made similar remarks in the past.

Have you ever heard a man attempt to praise his wife by saying, “I married up,” or “way up,” or “way over my head,” and then proceed to describe himself as, basically, a bucket of slime in comparison to his wife?

I don’t know about the rest of you ladies, but I don’t want to hear anyone putting my husband (or any of my godly male friends) down, even my husband himself. The truth is, for believers, the cross is the great equalizer. We all marry equally up and equally down, because we are all redeemed, yet broken, sinful human beings- simultaneously saint and sinner.

The cross is the great equalizer. We all marry equally up and equally down, because we are all redeemed, yet broken, sinful human beings- simultaneously saint and sinner.

And what about things like this?

There are some really great messages in this video:

Being a mom can be tough, and husbands should appreciate all the hard work their wives do as mothers.

God wired women differently from men in a way that uniquely equips us for motherhood, and these differences are good and should be valued.

Dads need to step in and give moms a break every now and then.

It’s just supposed to be a lighthearted “moms are precious” video. I get that. But how are the makers of the video achieving the “lighthearted” part? By portraying dads as silly and hapless.

Where are we getting this idea that men have to be torn down in order to build women up? Not from the Bible, but from secular feminism. That’s their modus operandi, not God’s.

Where are we getting this idea that men have to be torn down in order to build women up? Not from the Bible, but from secular feminism.

We always look at Proverbs 31:10-31 with regard to what it says about excellent wives, but have you ever noticed what it says about husbands?

The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm…

Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land…

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
โ€œMany women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.โ€
11-12a, 23, 28-29

We always look at Proverbs 31:10-31 with regard to what it says about excellent wives, but have you ever noticed what it says about husbands?

Here, in the quintessential passage praising godly wives, do we see a silly cartoon character of a husband? Do we see a husband being belittled so his wife can look good? No. We see a godly wife who does her husband good and inspires and encourages him to go out and conquer the world. We see a respectable man with a good reputation. And, we see a man who trusts, appreciates, and praises his wife without a hint of self deprecation.

The world’s way is that for women to be winners, men must lose. God’s way is iron sharpens iron. When wives are godly, it influences their husbands to be godly, and vice versa. When women fulfill the roles God has ordained for them at church, it frees and encourages men to be the leaders God has called them to be. We build each other up without tearing ourselves down. Nobody has to lose in order for somebody else to win. Godliness is truly a win-win situation.

The world’s way? For women to win, men must lose. God’s way is “iron sharpens iron”. We build each other up without tearing ourselves down. Nobody has to lose in order for somebody else to win. Godliness is truly a win-win situation.

Godly women are important, specially crafted by God for our roles, and worthy of honor and respect. But so are godly men. Let’s be sure, in the family and in the church, that we’re taking our cues from Scripture, not the world, when it comes to valuing women and men.

Christian women, Church, Complementarianism, Men

Adam 3.0: Meanwhile, Back in the Garden, It’s Deja Vu All Over Again

Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 26, 2014

I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.

1 Timothy 2:12-14

Because it’s my passion to see Christian women become holy, passionate, obedient disciples of Jesus Christ, I’ve dealt with this passage a lot and done a lot of research on it. Scripture is crystal clear that women are not to instruct men in the Scriptures in the church in the capacity of pastor or teacher, nor are they to hold authority over men in other positions in the church. (I’ve outlined Scripture’s case for this here if you’d like to do some further study.) And, unfortunately, there are many women in the church who are disobeying this Scripture (I used to be one of them)– some out of rebellion, and some out of ignorance. But until recently, I –and every other piece of information I’ve studied on the subject– have dealt with the issue of women stepping outside their God-ordained role in the church strictly as a women’s issue.

A few days ago, a friend of mine asked for my opinion on a Q&A video produced by a well known pastor. The pastor was asked, “Is it a sin for men to listen to women speakers [female Christian conference speakers, pastors, teachers, etc.]?”

And that’s when it hit me. I’d never heard this question addressed, or even asked, before. First Timothy 2:12ff is always dealt with from the perspective of women and towards women – that this is a women’s sin issue.

But to treat this role rebellion strictly as the sin of women is to pour gasoline on the fire. If it’s a singularly women’s problem, then it naturally falls on women with a right understanding of God’s Word on the issue to deal with it, right? And if these women are the ones who have to confront and deal with this sin, even at the local church level, they’re being placed smack dab in the misappropriated role they’re trying to fight because they’re being asked to do the job of elders and pastors whose responsibility it is to maintain order and discipline in the church.

In other words, when it’s time to deal with the sin of role busting, don’t send a woman in to do a man’s job.

When it’s time to deal with the sin of role busting, don’t send a woman in to do a man’s job.

The fact that there’s even a need for an article like this, never mind that a woman is writing it, is indicative of the pervasiveness of the problem. Why do we so rarely hear pastors or other Christian men exhorting men in the church to stand on God’s Word, properly fill out their own role in the church, and also deal with the problem of female disobedience to this Scripture? Why are Christian men becoming accomplices to women’s sin by seeking out female pastors and teachers to be their spiritual leaders? I believe there are three reasons:

The fact that there’s even a need for an article like this, never mind that a woman is writing it, is indicative of the pervasiveness of the problem.

1.
Adam 3.0

Give Genesis 3–the story of the Fall–a read through the lenses of 1 Timothy 2:12. See any similarities between what happened in the Garden and what’s happening in the church?

The man is off somewhere, not fulfilling his role of spiritual guardian, leader, and protector, leaving the woman alone and vulnerable to Satan’s attack. Satan tempts the woman to sin and she succumbs. The woman then entices the man to sin, and instead of standing on God’s Word, refusing to sin, and correcting her, he actually joins her in her sin. And when God calls the man to account for this whole scenario, what does the man do? He blames the woman.

Was Eve responsible for her decision to sin? Of course. That’s why we even have 1 Timothy 2:12-14 in the Bible. But God gave the man the authority and God held the man ultimately responsible. That’s why we see passages like Romans 5:12-14 (and others) attributing the sin in the Garden to Adam rather than Eve.

While there are many faithful pastors and Christian men out there diligently laboring to be godly teachers and leaders in the church–and praise God for those men!–there is a large and increasing number of men in our churches, both pastors and laymen, who are failing to fulfill the role God has called men to in the church. Pastors who will only preach what tickles people’s ears. Men who sit in the pews refusing to teach or serve or lead or even attend faithfully.

As it was in the Garden, these Christian men are nowhere to be found as Satan creeps into the church and attacks women with this temptation. And, as God called out then, could He be calling out now, “ืึธื“ึธื, – Adam- Man, where are you“?

As God called out then, could He be calling out now, “ืึธื“ึธื, – Adam- Man, where are you”?

2.
Men are lazy.

I know that sounds harsh, but before all the brothers get their boxers in a bunch, please hear what I’m not saying. I’m not saying that all men are lazy or that women are never lazy or that men are lazy in every aspect of their lives. What I’m saying is that, in this particular instance of women stepping outside God’s role for them in the church, too many men are sitting back with the attitude that, hey, if somebody else is willing to do the work why not let her? Instead, women (not to mention boys and younger men) should be seeing men in the church step up and say, “I’ll study hard so I’ll be equipped to teach that class.” “I’ll preach the sermon, not my wife.” “I’ll be willing to shoulder the load God has given me instead of pushing it off on a woman.”

Women (not to mention boys and younger men) need to see men in the church step up and say, “I’ll be willing to shoulder the load God has given me instead of pushing it off on a woman.”.

3.
Men are afraid of women. 

Not afraid of them physically, but afraid of the ones who will make a scene, cause strife, split churches, get pastors fired, and generally make life hell on earth for anyone who dares to put his foot down firmly on the Word of God and say, “You’re in disobedience. You need to repent and step down.” I know these women (and, of course, there are men who do this, too). I have had plenty of them come after me, and, having a husband who’s been in ministry for over 20 years, I’ve seen plenty of them attack pastors, staff, deacons, etc., and I don’t blame men for feeling scared. But Jesus has called men to defend His Bride from all enemies, both foreign and domestic, and feeling scared doesn’t excuse them from doing what’s right and biblical. Would that godly men would look to the courage Jesus exhibited on His way to the cross. That they would look at Peter, Paul, James, and the other apostles as their example of valor, as these forebears in the faith chose flogging, hardship, jail, and martyrdom over compromising the Word of God.

Would that godly men would look to the courage Jesus exhibited at the cross. That they would look at Peter, Paul, James, and the other apostles who chose flogging, hardship, jail, and martyrdom over compromising the Word of God.

Churches don’t need pastors who are afraid to rock the boat, even if that’s what the church seems to want. Churches need a man who will stand for Christ and His Word, no matter the cost to him personally or vocationally. A pastor can’t call his people to do that in their own lives if he isn’t willing to do it in his, knowing that the God who was strong enough to save him out of the pit of Hell is strong enough to find him another job and provide for his family if it comes to that. We need pastors who are faithful to preach and carry out the Word in season and out of season, trusting Almighty God to have their backs.

Churches don’t need pastors who are afraid to rock the boat, even if that’s what the church seems to want.

God has given women a phenomenal, and much needed, role in the church. He has given men a different, yet equally phenomenal and much needed role in the church. For the local church to function in a healthy way, both men and women have to fill out our own roles correctly. And women can’t and shouldn’t have to do the job of godly men in addition to our own.

Women can’t and shouldn’t have to do the job of godly men in addition to our own.

Some might regard my tone here as stringent. Peter, Paul and the other apostles probably raised some eyebrows when they used a stringent tone, too. But when a house is burning down, the fireman doesn’t tiptoe in, hand you flowers, and politely request that you, pretty please, come with him. And that’s where we are in the church. The house is burning down around us. And, in the end, this article is not meant to be a castigation of pastors or other Christian men, but an impassioned plea from a church lady who wants to see her sisters make it out alive.

Help us. Please. Despite what some professing Christian women might say, we, and the body of Christ, desperately need our brothers to be the heroic men of God that they have the right, the calling, and the responsibility to be.

Women, and the body of Christ, desperately need our brothers to be the heroic men of God that they have the right, the calling, and the responsibility to be.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Discernment resources… Recommended podcasts… Approaching church leadership about false teachers… Magi: Astrologers?… Heaven after suicide?… Permission to email?)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another โ€œpotpourriโ€ edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. Iโ€™m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

Hey just curious why when I click on Sean Feucht it just sends me to a Justin Peters video on him from 2 months ago? Is that a glitch?

I think you’re referring to my link to Sean Feucht at my Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of the blog), right?

It’s not a glitch. The link is taking you right where I meant for it to take you. I’m not sure if you’re asking because you expected all of the links to go an article I had written or if there was another reason, but not all of the links on that page go to an article I wrote.

The main reason for this is that I usually don’t have on hand the 10-20ish hours it takes to write a thorough discernment article on everybody. But I know y’all need information on these teachers now, so if I come across a good resource from someone else, I’ll go ahead and link it up for you. Also, most of those outside resources I’ve linked are so thorough and well done that I don’t feel the need to re-invent the wheel. I’m very thankful for the handful of brothers and sisters out there who are doing a great job of exposing false teachers and false doctrine. It lightens the load for all of us who do discernment work.

In addition to Sean Feucht, over the last few months I’ve also added resources for baptismal regeneration, Shawn Bolz, Core Group/Jenny Weaver, Eastern Orthodox, Kathryn Krick, Greg Laurie, Rebecca McLaughlin, Kristi McLelland, the New Apostolic Reformation, Right Now Media, Heidi St. John, and Wesleyanism. Check it out if you haven’t stopped by recently!

Other than yours, are there any podcasts you can recommend for women? Age wise 40-50โ€™s. Thank you!

Thank you so much for listening to A Word Fitly Spoken! Yes, I would recommend, regardless of age, the podcast of anyone listed at the Recommended Bible Teachers, Authors, etc. tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. (Don’t limit yourself to female podcasters, teachers, etc. There are a lot more doctrinally sound men out there than women.)

A few more that aren’t listed there (only because I haven’t had time to update that page in a while) that I listen to are:

The G3 Podcast
Transformed with Dr. Greg Gifford
Your Calvinist with Keith Foskey (If you’re not a Calvinist or don’t like Calvinism, don’t let the title scare you. It’s usually not about Calvinism. Give it a good faith try.)
Conversations that Matter
The Lovesick Scribe

The Studio Revue with Sam Reid (This one isn’t Christian content, it’s just wholesome fun. I got hooked on it earlier this year.)

Iโ€™m wondering what/how would be the best way to approach my pastor about Jennie Allen and other doctrinally weak/unsound women whose studies are currently being taught at the church Iโ€™m a member of. At the risk of appearing obtuse or haughty, Iโ€™m hesitant to share these insights with the women (who I esteem more spiritually mature than I) who are overseeing the womenโ€™s Bible studies, especially as they continue to choose these authors who clearly are unsound or weak in theology and doctrine.ย 

Iโ€™m so sorry this is happening at your church. I hope it will help you to know that youโ€™re not alone. Iโ€™ve been in the same situation myself, and Iโ€™ve heard from hundreds of other women over the years who have also been in this situation. Sadly,ย my article The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher theyโ€™reย introducing? is the one I most often have to share with readers.

And listen, if these women are following false teachers, they are not the spiritually mature ones, no matter how they seem or how they present themselves. If youโ€™re discerning enough to understand from Scripture that theyโ€™re following false teachers, and you love them and your church enough to try to help, you are the spiritually mature one in this situation. Thatโ€™s not haughty, thatโ€™s simple, objective, biblical fact.

I have taken a moment to pray for you, and I wish you well.

Iโ€™ve heard that Christians shouldnโ€™t read horoscopes or get involved with astrology, but werenโ€™t the wise men who came to see Jesus astrologers? Maybe thereโ€™s something to astrology.

Well, if we were to say that, then we could also say maybe thereโ€™s something to stealing, too. Because, after all, thatโ€™s what got the thief on the cross to Jesus, and Jesus said that he would be with Him in Paradise that day. And maybe thereโ€™s something to persecuting and murdering Christians, too, because thatโ€™s how Paul came to encounter Jesus. But we donโ€™t say those things because thatโ€™s not the way we rightly handle and apply Scripture.

There are two broad categories of Scripture: descriptive passages and prescriptive passages. Descriptive passages are descriptions of something that happened, like the story of the wise men visiting Jesus, or Noah and the ark, or David and Goliath. Prescriptive passages could also be called commands or direct instructions, โ€œthou shaltsโ€ and โ€œthou shalt nots.โ€

When we have a question about whether or not itโ€™s OK with God for us to do something, say, consulting horoscopes and astrologers, we look first at the relevant prescriptive passages, like this one:

When you come into the land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations. There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you. You shall be blameless before the Lord your God, for these nations, which you are about to dispossess, listen to fortune-tellers and to diviners. But as for you, the Lord your God has not allowed you to do this.

Deuteronomy 18:9-14

While this passage was obviously written as a command to Old Testament Israel, we can still draw out some applicable principles for today by asking ourselves why โ€œthe Lord your God has not allowed you to do this.โ€ God calls these practices an โ€œabominationโ€ several times and links them to paganism. Verse 14 is reminiscent of 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 and 1 John 2:15-17, which tell us not to love or partner with the dark things of the world and to separate ourselves from such things.

This is a clear, prescriptive passage that answers our questions about following horoscopes and astrology, so this is where we get our instruction, not from a descriptive passage about someone who was an astrologer.

Additionally, thereโ€™s good reason to believe that the wise men who went to see Jesus were not astrologers in the same horoscope/tarot card/palm reading/fortune teller sense in which we use the word “astrology” today. The Greek word translated as โ€œwise menโ€ isย magosย (magi). Its primary meaning is โ€œOriental scientist,โ€ a term which was also applied to teachers, priests, and physicians, among others. It would seem that the wise men were much more akin to astronomers than astrologers, and were learned in the Old Testament messianic prophecies as well.

Additional Resources:

Should a Christian Consult Horoscopes? at Got Questions

Astrology and the Visit of the Wise Men at Truth Magazine

Were the Wise Men Astrologists? at The Baptist Bulletin

Will a Believer who commits suicide still go to Heaven?

Yes. The key word here is โ€œBeliever.โ€ People who are genuinely born again Christians spend eternity in Heaven when they die. It is not a particular sin that sends people to Hell, but rather that they die in a state of lostness and unbelief. If you think about it, because sin is so sneaky and pervasive most Christians will have some unconfessed sin in our lives at the moment of our death, whether that sin is suicide, unforgiveness, lust, a lie, or whatever. At the moment of salvation, Christโ€™s death, burial, and resurrection pays for ALL of a Believerโ€™s sins, from cradle to grave. While we should always strive to repent of any known sin in our lives, we must also trust in Godโ€™s grace, mercy, and forgiveness towards His children.

Additional Resources:

If a Christian commits suicide, is he/she still saved?ย at Got Questions

Sunday School Lesson ~ 6-1-14 (Scroll down to โ€œFollow up: Can a Christian be forgivenโ€ฆโ€)

The Mailbag: Can unforgiveness cause you to you lose yourย salvation?

Is it OK if I email you/private message you on social media about…

Yes. You do not need to ask my permission before emailing or DM-ing me. Just go ahead and send me the email/DM. The only thing is, you need to understand that I will probably not answer your email or DM personally (unless it’s related to a speaking engagement). I answer readers’ questions via The Mailbag. I’ve explained why at the Contact and Social Media tab (All together, class: “…in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.”).

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (Iโ€™ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Marriage

A No-Bull Marriage: Four Lessons from Mr. & Mrs. Samson

Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 5, 2016

โ€œIf you had not plowed with my heifer,
you would not have found out my riddle.โ€

judges 14:18

I love this verse. Itโ€™s in the story of Samson, which Iโ€™m studying in depth right now, and it makes me giggle every time I come to it. Ripped from its context, it doesnโ€™t make much sense (most Bible verses donโ€™t), so go read Judges 14 really quickly. Itโ€™s only twenty verses. It shouldnโ€™t take you more than ten minutes to read. Iโ€™ll just wait right here.

Done? Ok. Now you know the context, and you know Samson wasnโ€™t talking about farming. He was talking about his wife. Now, ladies, before you get your bloomers in a ruffle, Samson wasnโ€™t calling his wife a heifer, he was using a metaphor. He could just as easily have said, โ€œIf you hadnโ€™t eaten sweet and sour shrimp with my chopsticksโ€ฆโ€ Well, if he were Chinese and if sweet and sour shrimp had been invented.

But anyway... it still wasnโ€™t the most flattering metaphor a man could choose when referencing his wife, which got me thinking about Samsonโ€™s wife and their marriage. They messed some things up, big time. Things that they could have avoided messing up by being obedient to Godโ€™s commands about marriage. Maybe we could learn a few “noble,” or “no-bull,” if you prefer, things for our own marriages from Mr. and Mrs. Samson in Judges 14:

Maybe we could learn a few “noble,” or “no-bull,” if you prefer, things for our own marriages from Mr. and Mrs. Samson in Judges 14…

1.
Donโ€™t be an unequally yoked heifer (v. 1-3)

Although the Philistines were not one of the nations God specifically forbade Israel to intermarry with, Godโ€™s principle of not marrying foreigners would have been a good one for Samson to follow. Why? Because only Israel worshiped the one true God. All of the other nations were pagan. They will โ€œturn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods,โ€ God told them. โ€œBut Samson said to his father, โ€˜Get her for me, for she is right in my eyes.’โ€ (3) In my eyes. Not in Godโ€™s eyes. In Samsonโ€™s eyes. Samson wasnโ€™t interested in what God wanted for his marriage. Samson was only interested in what Samson wanted.

As Believers, our hearts should long to obey Christ and to want what He wants for our lives. In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, God tells us we are not to seek to bind ourselves together in any close relationship with unbelievers. That includes (but is not limited to) marriage. As God told the Israelites, an unbeliever will lead you away from the Lord. Husbands and wives should push each other towards Christ. A lost husband canโ€™t lead you to greater godliness. If you are not yet married, do not marry someone who isnโ€™t saved, whose life does not display the spiritual fruit of someone who has been genuinely born again.

Donโ€™t be an unequally yoked heifer.

2.
Leave and cleave: plow with the bull youโ€™re yoked to (v. 16-20)

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast [cleave] to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

This doesnโ€™t mean that we cut all ties with our parents when we get married. It means that we are now committed, first and foremost, to our spouses. We stand with them before, and sometimes against, everyone else.

Samson and his wife both had problems with this, as many newlyweds do. Samsonโ€™s wife, instead of standing with her husband by being honest with him about what his companions were up to and trusting him to protect her, ended up siding with โ€œher peopleโ€ (17) out of fear, by nagging Samson into telling her the answer to the riddle. Samson showed that he was loyal to his parents over his wife when he said in verse 16, โ€œBehold, I have not told my father nor my mother [the answer to the riddle], and shall I tell you?โ€ And when the whole fiasco was over, instead of going back and working things out with his wife, he abandoned her and went back home to live with his parents. (19-20)

Ladies, our husbands come first when it comes to loyalty, unity, bonding, and family decisions. Not our moms, our sisters, our best girlfriends, or even our children. And our husbands are to exhibit that same loyalty to us. Donโ€™t hook yourself up to another plow.

Leave and cleave. Plow with the bull youโ€™re yoked to.

3.
Donโ€™t moonipulate; commoonicate (v. 16-17)

Pack your bags, weโ€™re going on a guilt trip. And Samsonโ€™s wife had a saddlebag full of every vixenish wile she could squeeze in: emotional manipulation, shame, blame, nagging, and relentless pressure. Samsonโ€™s wife provides us with the perfect example of how not to communicate with our husbands.

Samsonโ€™s wife provides us with the perfect example of how *not* to communicate with our husbands.

We can all be tempted to use underhanded methods of getting what we want, but the God who tells us not to lie, to speak the truth, and not to act in selfish ambition but to put others first, is not a God who is pleased by such behavior. God is honored when we treat our husbands with kindness, respect, and honesty, and trust God enough to leave the outcome to Him.

Donโ€™t moonipulate, commoonicate.

4.
Do the no-bull thing: forgive. (14:19-15:1)

While Samson may have had understandable reasons for being angry at both his companions and his wife, and while God may have used a bad situation to take out some of the enemies of His people, God calls husbands and wives to forgive one another.

Again, Samson shows us what not to do. Consumed by his anger, he abandoned his wife and seems to have held a grudge against her for a good while. When he finally went back with a peace offering, it wasnโ€™t a pretty scene.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

Ephesians 4:26-27

When weโ€™re angry, self control can go out the window, making it easier to give in to Satanโ€™s temptations to sin. Instead, it is Godโ€™s will for us to โ€œLet all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.โ€.

Forgive. Itโ€™s the noble thing to do.

Do the no-bull thing: forgive.

This article was originally published at Satisfaction Through Christ on May 7,

Guest Posts

Guest Post: The Singleโ€™s Advantage

Michelle Lesley

If your theology pretty much matches up with mine (as outlined in my โ€œWelcomeโ€ and โ€œStatement of Faithโ€ tabs in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) and youโ€™d like to contribute a guest post, drop me an e-mail, and letโ€™s chat about it.

The Singleโ€™s Advantage
by Bob Wheatleyย 

I used to think Paul was ridiculous.  

He was Godโ€™s chosen apostle, a mouthpiece to the Gentiles, yet I somehow still found him offensive. What caused me to scoff at this heralded saint? It was not the beatings, the shipwrecks, or the hardships he faced. It was not his devotion, conversion, or capacity for love. Oh no. My contempt for this man stemmed from one page of Scripture, and a teaching that I loathed to my core.  

Addressing the Christians at the church of Corinth, the apostle Paul once wrote: 

โ€œTo the unmarried and the widows I say thatโ€ฏit is good for them to remain single,โ€ฏas I am โ€ฆ I want you to beโ€ฏfree from anxieties.โ€ฏThe unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided โ€ฆ I say this for your own benefit,โ€ฏnot to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. โ€”1 Corinthians 7:8, 32โ€“34, 35 ESV 

I could not believe what my eyes were reading. How could anyone believe that being single is better than being married? That thought seemed so foreign, so impossible to me, that it actually caused me to doubt my own level of faith.  

If I couldnโ€™t be joyful in singleness, then was my faith far weaker than I thought it was? Was I less of a Christian if I struggled with singleness?  

But then, sure enough, my excuses came to the rescue. I knew that Paul had navigated his entire ministry without a woman at his side, but the truth is, Paul had a connection to the Lord that we cannot fathomโ€”and all for good reason, of course.  

The risen Jesus had physically appeared to Paul on the road to Damascus (Acts 9). As most theologians will attest, it was also Paul who had seen God, face-to-face, when he was caught up into the third heaven (2 Corinthians 12).  

Those excuses were my reason to not take Paulโ€™s words seriously.  

Who knows, Paul? I joked to myself. Maybe even I could forsake companionship, sex, and the blessings of marriage if I too had been snatched into heaven!  

But that wasnโ€™t true. If Iโ€™m being honest, I did not want to go deeper with God.  

I really just wanted a wife.  

Without experiencing a miraculous vision on the road to Damascus, I would not allow Paulโ€™s words to dissuade me. 

But then, everything turned upside down.  

My Hero of the Faithย 

One afternoon, I was reading a book by Eric Metaxas1. The book was called Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. This book told the story of a German pastor, living during World War II under the Nazi regime. The name of this German was Dietrich Bonhoeffer1, and his testimony would change my life.ย ย 

I had never experienced a book like Bonhoeffer.  

Like most readers, I often resonate with characters in a book in some form or fashion. It is one of the things I love most about books. Whether fiction or fact, novel or biography, I find nuggets and nuances that can bind me to characters.  

It was C. S. Lewis2 who once said, โ€œIn reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself.โ€ And yet, my reading of Bonhoeffer felt deeper than that.ย ย 

With nearly every word I read, I saw a clearer and clearer reflection of myself. It never stopped! Whispers and subtlety soon gave way to weirdness.  

Dietrichโ€™s spirit, habits, passions, and faultsโ€”somehow, I possessed them all: 

  • His mind operated in black and white 
  • His tongue often spoke in absolutes 
  • His bedroom, like mine, was fit for a Spartan 

In this young, fiery pastor, I had found a more righteous, more accomplished, more intelligent version of me.  

Though separated by time and a great many miles, I had found my new hero of the faith. But the game would soon turn sour. 

The Singleโ€™s Advantageย 

I soon came across a different quote, and it ended my honeymoon instantly. This quote was made by another pastor who was a mentor and friend of Bonhoefferโ€™s.ย ย 

He found the young Dietrich to be โ€œquite outstanding,โ€ and he praised him with the utmost enthusiasm. But it was the subsequent line, coming just one sentence later, that challenged my view of the world.ย ย 

Still speaking of Bonhoeffer, the pastor said:ย 

โ€œHe has in addition the special Pauline advantage in that he is unmarried.โ€  

The Pauline what?  

There I was, reading Bonhoeffer, still enchanted by a wiser and much grander โ€œme,โ€ only to be confronted by my greatest private struggle. Like Bonhoeffer before me, I, too, was unmarried. My extended season of singlenessโ€”which had lasted for years at that pointโ€”felt like more of a punishment than a โ€œPauline advantage.โ€  

And yet, there I was, reading of another manโ€”and a godly man, at thatโ€”who affirmed Paulโ€™s words from 1 Corinthians 7. Heckel praised Dietrich Bonhoeffer because he was single.  

How could that possibly be? 

As I pondered that question, I considered Paulโ€™s words that had irked me so much. โ€œI say this for your own benefit,โ€ he had said to his readers. And what benefit did he say that singleness could bring?  

โ€œAn undivided devotion to the Lordโ€ (1 Cor. 7:35 ESV). 

Paulโ€™s words had presented a fork in the road. They forced me to wrestle with some sensitive questions: Could I call myself a Christian while ignoring Paulโ€™s letter? How might my life have to change if his opinions were true? And then, the most dangerous question of all:  

What if my singleness was an advantage?  

That was the day my quest began. I had made my decision, right then and there, to simply take Paul at his word. I would try to find purpose in my season of singleness.  

Top Three Advantages of Being Singleย 

What happened next was nothing short of radical. I decided that I would no longer be consumed with seeking a wife. Instead, my focus would be much simpler than that: I simply would focus on Jesus.  

Day by day, I saw my character being changed from the inside out. What once felt like torture turned into a blessing.  

I ended up writing an entire book on the subject, but here are the three top โ€œadvantagesโ€ that Iโ€™ve found in my singleness: 

1. MORE TIME FOR GOD 

The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.โ€ โ€”1 Corinthians 7:32-34 ESV 

I have a number of newly-married friends who have affirmed this reality for me. 

Sometimes, these friends simply do not have the time to read their Bibles in the morning. They lose out on quiet time. They canโ€™t pray as much as they did while unmarried. 

The single Christianโ€”although potentially facing more lonelinessโ€”certainly has more time to seek the Lord. 

Are you taking advantage of the time that you have? 

2. MORE TIME FOR YOU 

โ€œFor we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.โ€ โ€”Ephesians 2:10 ESVย 

Relationships take up a lot of time. In both dating and marriage relationships alike, our time must be shared with the person at our side. 

When our interests are โ€œdivided,โ€ we have less time in the day to serve our church, discover our passions, develop our skills, advance professionally, or wait on the Lord to reveal His will. 

In your season of singleness, you have the unique ability to discover your gifts, talents, passions, and burdens.  

What works do you think God has โ€œprepared in advanceโ€ for you? Ask Him to guide you to His will for your life! 

3. MORE TIME FOR SUFFERING 

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yieldsโ€ฏthe peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. โ€”Hebrews 12:11 ESV 

I realize that this claim might feel stark, but stick with me here. 

Make no mistake, it is actually suffering, not pleasure, that develops our character into holiness.  

In fact, Hebrews 2:10 even says that Jesus Himself was made perfect through suffering. 

By walking through our seasons of singleness, God is molding and shaping us into His image. 

All pain is painful, but not all pain is harmful. 

You can trust your Father to make the most of this season.  

Final Thoughts

Thanks to the apostle Paul and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I took a radical approach to my season of singleness. I made a concerted effort to give Jesus my heart. Nothing was off limits. Everything was His. My heart, soul, mind, and strength were focused on the One that I longed for.  

What I had not realized before is that in my season of singleness, God has given me the time and space to seek Him, walk with Him, and grow my trust in Him. 

And then, one day, after months and years of seeking the Lord, the reality finally hit me: I was living the Pauline advantage. 

And now, you can be as well. 

1Note from Michelle: There are doctrinal/biblical issues with both Eric Metaxas and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which the reader may research on her own if she wishes. The publication of this guest post should not be construed as my recommendation of either of these men as doctrinally sound teachers to follow.

2 Note from Michelle: C.S. Lewis

Bob Wheatley is a bestselling author, keynote speaker, and former professional athlete. His work has been featured on Way-FM, The FISH, KCBI Christian Radio, ESPN, FOX Sports, and various other international outlets. He lives in Nashville, Tennessee.ย 

Bob has graciously offered the audiobook version of his book, Single-Minded: Finding Purpose & Strength in Your Season of Singleness, free of charge to my readers. Thank you, Bob! Click HERE to download.