Tag: Discernment

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Judge not?

Michelle Lesley

Judge not lest ye be judged…

This was a reader’s recent response to one of my articles warning about a false teacher, and I thought I’d share and expand on my response to her here, because I know many of you, when you’ve said or posted things about false doctrine or false teachers, have had someone pridefully and self-righteously attempt to shame you and shut you up with a worldly twisting of these precious words of our Lord Jesus…

Some pridefully and self-righteously attempt to shame Christians and shut us up with a worldly twisting of these precious words of our Lord Jesus: “Judge not.”

You know, Matthew 7:1 is a great verse, but it’s currently probably the most twisted and abused Bible verse there is. And this is one common abuse of it – defending false teachers.

If you weren’t sitting under false teachers like the one you’re defending, you might have an accurate and biblical understanding of what that verse actually means. Instead, you’re believing and using the world’s twisted version of it.

Matthew 7:1 does not mean Christians shouldn’t warn against false teachers.

Matthew 7:1 does not mean Christians shouldn’t warn against false teachers.

If that’s what Jesus meant when He said that, He would have been contradicting Scripture, because there are many, many passages of Scripture that command us – and pastors in particular – to warn against false teachers and eradicate them from the church.

He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

Titus 1:9

Titus 1:9 is the final requirement in the list of qualifications for pastors/elders in Titus 1. If a pastor does not rebuke and warn against those who contradict sound doctrine (i.e. false teachers) he is biblically disqualified from the pastorate.

But now I am writing to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is a sexually immoral person, or greedy, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Are you not to judge those who are within the church? 13 But those who are outside, God will judge. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.

1 Corinthians 5:11-13

False teachers – who claim to be brothers and sisters in Christ – are idolators (some of them are sexually immoral, greedy, revilers, drunkards, and swindlers as well) because they create a god according to their own liking, steal biblical names (like God or Jesus) for it, and teach people to worship their false god instead of the one true God Scripture reveals to us. Scripture clearly commands us to judge them and remove them from the church.

And the idea that Jesus would have contradicted Scripture is just silly and ridiculous. We know God doesn’t contradict Himself, or He would be a liar and would cease to be God.

The idea that Jesus would have contradicted Scripture is just silly and ridiculous.

in the hope of eternal life, which the God who cannot lie promised from all eternity,

Titus 1:2

Furthermore, the Jesus who said “Do not judge,” in Matthew 7 is the same Jesus who tells us that we are to “judge with righteous judgment” in John 7.

Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.

John 7:24

In Matthew 7:1, as you can plainly see by reading verses 1-5,…

“Do not judge, so that you will not be judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with what measure you measure, it will be measured to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

Matthew 7:1-5

…Jesus is telling us not to judge unrighteously (in juxtaposition to his admonition in John’s account to judge righteously) or hypocritically – in other words…

  • We’re not to judge others when we’re equally guilty of unrepentant sin.
  • We’re not to judge others for doing something we’re currently guilty of ourselves.
  • We’re not to judge others for doing something that’s actually biblical just because it offends our worldly, fleshly sensibilities.

Kind of like what you’re doing by unrighteously, unbiblically, and hypocritically judging me for warning against false teachers, which, again, is actually commanded and demonstrated by God in Scripture. How could I be doing something wrong when I’m doing what Scripture tells me to do?

When you chide a doctrinally sound Christian for warning against false teachers, you are the one who is unrighteously, unbiblically, and hypocritically judging.

You might also notice that in the same chapter (Matthew 7) in which Jesus says “Do not judge,” in verse 1, He goes on to warn against – and judge – false teachers:

Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 So then, you will know them by their fruits.
21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, in Your name did we not prophesy, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name do many miracles?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’

Matthew 7:15-23

And that’s not the only time Jesus warned against, rebuked, or judged false teachers…

…beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” 12 Then they understood that He did not say to beware of the leaven of bread, but of the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees.

Matthew 16:11b-12

And perhaps Jesus’ lengthiest, most scathing warning about and rebuke of false teachers is found in Matthew 23:1-36. Just a few choice excerpts since this is a long passage – here’s the warning to the hearers:

Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples, 2 saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses; 3 therefore all that they tell you, do and keep, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them. 4 And they tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger. 5 But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men;

Matthew 23:1-5a

“They say things and do not do them…they do all their deeds to be noticed by men…” Huh. There’s that hypocrisy Jesus was talking about back in chapter 7.

Here’s the rebuke to the false teachers themselves:

“But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you shut off the kingdom of heaven from people; for you do not enter in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in…you travel around on sea and land to make one proselyte; and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves…You blind guides…For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence….you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. In this way, you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness…You serpents, you brood of vipers, how will you escape the sentence of hell?…I am sending you prophets and wise men and scribes; some of them you will kill and crucify, and some of them you will flog in your synagogues, and persecute from city to city, so that upon you may fall the guilt of all the righteous blood shed on earth…

Excerpted from Matthew 23:13-35

I’ve never warned against or rebuked a false teacher this sharply, but Jesus did. And we know He was right in doing so. But if you’re going to judge, criticize, and condemn someone like me who merely points out, in a matter of fact tone, how false teachers deviate from Scripture, and urges you, therefore, to obey God’s commands to have nothing to do with them, my goodness, what in the world are you going to say to Jesus about the way He warned against and rebuked false teachers?

If I’m wrong for saying, Teacher X is a false teacher because she preaches to men, teaches false doctrine, and yokes with other false teachers, and, therefore, I would not recommend you follow her, is Jesus wrong for calling false teachers “blind guides,” “whitewashed tombs,” and “brood of vipers”?

You’d best think on that lest you be hypocritical in your judgment.

The world has taken Matthew 7:1 and blasphemously twisted it into a club with which to pummel Christians who stand unwaveringly on the truth of God’s Word and, with Spirit-empowered courage, love sinners enough to call them to repent and believe the gospel, and love God, the church, and professing Christians enough to warn them against harmful false teachers and false doctrine.

The world has taken Matthew 7:1 and blasphemously twisted it into a club with which to pummel Christians, and, sadly, many professing Christians have followed the world’s example.

To the world, “Judge not,” means, “Don’t you ever dare say anything that’s not 100% affirming of me, my beliefs, or my sin of choice. Always be nice. Never say anything that could, in any way, be construed as negative. If you do, you’ll suffer the consequences.”. And, sadly, professing Christians discipled by the world and false teachers have adopted this worldly definition of “judging” and wield it like a weapon to shame and shut up Christians who are obeying Scripture.

But as genuinely regenerated Believers, accurately handling the Word of truth and having it illumined to us by the indwelling Holy Spirit, we know that Matthew 7:1 cannot possibly mean that we are not to warn against false teachers, because…

  • Jesus didn’t contradict Scripture, and Scripture commands us to warn against, rebuke, and judge false doctrine and false teachers.
  • Jesus didn’t contradict Himself during His earthly ministry, saying “Don’t judge,” in Matthew and “Do judge,” in John and other passages.
  • Jesus Himself warned against, rebuked, and judged false doctrine and false teachers.

We know that Matthew 7:1 doesn’t mean, “Don’t warn against false teachers,” because: Jesus didn’t contradict Scripture, Jesus didn’t contradict Himself, and Jesus Himself warned against, rebuked, and judged false teachers.

The question is not – why am I warning against false teachers.

The question is, why aren’t you?

The question is not – why am I warning against false teachers. The question is, why aren’t you?

Additional Resources:

Answering the Opposition- Responses to the Most Frequently Raised Discernment Objections (see #9)

I Can’t Sit Down, Shut Up, and Play Nice

Addressing Objections to Discernment- Part 4 at A Word Fitly Spoken

Twisted Scripture – Part 2 at A Word Fitly Spoken

Does the Bible really say we’re not to judge? by Amy Spreeman

What does the Bible mean when it says, “Do not judge”? at Got Questions?

Thou Shalt Judge with Justin Peters and Todd Friel

Judge Not by Todd Friel

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Christian women

Throwback Thursday ~ Sacrificing Truth on the Altar of Tone

Michelle Lesley

Originally Published April 17, 2014

Ladies, do you believe in woman’s intuition? Do you have it? I’m not talking about premonitions– having a feeling that some future event is going to take place- I mean intuition. Being able, for example, to sense from a friend’s tone of voice that she’s having a bad day, noticing from the body language of two people who are “just friends” that romance is brewing beneath the surface, or discerning the tension between two people who are seemingly cordial to one another.

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Maybe men have this “super power” too, but I’ve noticed it more with women. I believe it might have something to do with the way God has hard wired us. Nothing against men here (y’all are awesome in your own masculine way), but we women generally tend to be more sensitive to and concerned about other people’s feelings, we listen “between the lines,” and we hear and analyze tone of voice more. It’s one of the great things about the way God has created us that helps us as we nurture, comfort, and care for others.

But lately, I’m noticing that this “super power” of ours can also be a super problem.

Our sensitivity to tone (of voice, of writing, someone’s demeanor, etc.) is a hindrance rather than a help to us when we refuse to evaluate the content of what someone is saying to us simply because his manner of speaking, writing, or behavior has offended our sensibilities. This is especially harmful when that content is biblical truth.

Our sensitivity to tone is a hindrance rather than a help to us when we refuse to evaluate the *content* of what someone is saying simply because his manner of speaking, writing, or behavior has offended our sensibilities.

I have recently observed several instances of this, all involving women who, at best, found it difficult (with some outright refusing) to put aside their feelings of offense at the writer’s or speaker’s tone in order to compare the content of his speech or writing to Scripture to see if it might be true. (And, by the way, the speech and writing I’m referring to here are sermons, commentary, and articles, not someone writing or speaking to these women personally.) I can sympathize. It’s happened to me plenty of times.

Often, when we hear a fellow Christian put biblical truth bluntly in black and white and it rubs us the wrong way, our first reaction is to quote part of Ephesians 4:15 and chastise him for failing to “speak the truth in love.” But is that the only point of Ephesians 4? Let’s take a look at it in context:

And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

Ephesians 4:11-16 (emphasis mine)

When I was in elementary school, one of the reading comprehension tasks we were often assigned was to find the “main idea” of a piece of writing. So, what is the “main idea” of this passage in Ephesians 4? I’ll even make it multiple choice (my favorite!).

Is the main idea of the passage:

a) Teachers and preachers should speak the truth in love so that they will not offend anyone.

b) A discussion of the different types of leadership roles in the church.

c) Christian leaders are to equip church members to grow to spiritual maturity which builds spiritually healthy and unified churches.

While the passage touches on some of the ideas in a and b, the main point is c. We’re to grow up. We are to listen to preachers, teachers, and writers who rightly handle God’s word, even if we come across one every now and then who steps on our toes with his demeanor or tone.

And it’s important to remember that just because our feelings are hurt doesn’t necessarily mean the other person sinned or did anything wrong. Sometimes you and I take things the wrong way because we’re not listening, we’re not understanding, or because we’re incorrectly reading our own hurts and past experiences into what the other person is saying. And none of that is her fault.

Sometimes the reason we’re offended is because the other person is speaking or writing simply and directly without wrapping her words in fourteen pillows of feelings-coddling. (Believe it or not, this is the way people used to speak all the time before feelings became such an idol in our culture. You could just say things without all the caveats.) We’ve grown so used to everyone walking on egg shells and tiptoeing around everyone’s feelings when we write and speak, lest anyone be “triggered,” that when someone simply says what she has to say without beating around the bush, we take offense that she hasn’t bent over backwards in her wording to make sure our feelings haven’t been hurt. And that’s not her fault, either.

And finally, sometimes we think -or claim– our feelings have been hurt by the other person’s tone, when, really what’s happening is that the Holy Spirit is convicting us, or we know she’s right in what she’s saying but we’re too proud to admit it. And those things aren’t her fault, either.

Just because someone says something and you get offended doesn’t automatically mean she’s at fault. Sometimes the fault is yours.

Just because someone says something and you get offended doesn’t automatically mean she’s at fault. Sometimes the fault is yours.

Look, I know it’s hard. There are people out there who offend me sometimes, too, but persevering through the offense will grow us into mature women of Christ and make our churches healthier.

Statistically speaking, more women regularly attend church these days than men. And when I say “more,” I mean 61% women to 39% men. Can you imagine the impact it would have on the health of our churches if all of those women were pursuing spiritual maturity through biblical truth and sound doctrine?

Instead, we are often like a little girl in a burning building. The fireman is vehemently insisting that the little girl come with him to escape, and she refuses to move because he hasn’t said it nicely enough.

We are often like a little girl in a burning building. The fireman is vehemently insisting that the little girl come with him to escape, and she refuses to move because he hasn’t said it nicely enough.

Ladies, I say this to all of us (including me) in love, because true love is desiring what’s best for someone:

It’s time for us to grow up. It’s time to stop taking our dollies and stomping home from the playground in a huff every time somebody speaks or writes strenuously. It’s time to stop crying about our hurt feelings, put on our big girl panties and be women.

It’s time to stop taking our dollies and stomping home from the playground in a huff every time somebody speaks or writes strenuously. It’s time to stop crying about our hurt feelings, put on our big girl panties and be *women*.

Discerning women. Berean women. Women of God’s word. Women who can handle having our feathers ruffled and come out on the other side stronger for it.

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Too often, we make the mistake of equating a soft tone of voice and a sweet disposition with “love”.  But many of the people who speak with this kind of “love” are not speaking the truth. They are smooth talking, charismatic con men selling snake oil for our souls.

Too often, we make the mistake of equating a soft tone of voice and a sweet disposition with “love”.  But many of the people who speak with this kind of “love” are not speaking the truth.

If we’re not careful, we can become people who “will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths” (2 Timothy 4:3-4), or “weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 3:6b-7), or even “children unwilling to hear the instruction of the Lord; who say…“Do not prophesy to us what is right; speak to us smooth things, prophesy illusions,” (Isaiah 30:9-11).

We forget that our Master, the perfect embodiment of love, didn’t always speak softly and act politely when the gospel was at stake. Because there are things out there that are much more important than our feelings, and biblical truth is one of them.

There are things out there that are much more important than our feelings, and biblical truth is one of them.

Additional Resources

Discernment: What’s Love Got to Do with It?

Discernment, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Shack up shenanigans… Church library discernment… Adding recommended teachers)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

I have a friend who is living with someone she is not married to. She professes to be a Christian. I don’t see or talk to her much as she lives a couple of hours away. I have been invited to spend the weekend with her. I don’t want to go as I don’t want her to think I condone her living situation. How do I graciously bring up this violation of God’s instructions to us regarding sexual immorality?

I’m so sorry your friend’s sin has put you in this difficult situation. I know it’s uncomfortable and awkward, and you’re probably afraid you’re going to offend her and maybe even lose your relationship with her as a result of this situation.

But I want you (and all of my readers who are in awkward situations similar to this) to remember that your friend is the one at fault here for all of this awkwardness and potential hurt feelings, not you. She caused this situation by her sin, and if she doubles down on that sin when you talk to her about it, she will also be at fault for any other negative results that transpire, not you. That’s what sin does. It ruins everything it touches, it impacts areas of our lives we never dreamed it would, and it affects our relationships with the people we love.

I agree it would probably be wisest not to stay overnight with your friend and her shack up. It will seem to her as though you have no problem with her sinful living arrangement. However, accepting or declining the invitation may not be your only two options. What about the possibilities of either making it a day trip (and not spending the night at all), or accepting the invitation, but staying in a hotel or somewhere else besides under her roof? That way, you could spend time with your friend and have the opportunity to call her to repentance, face to face.

This would also give you the chance to share the gospel with her. I know she professes to be a Christian, but it’s important that we believe God over sinful human beings, and God says:

And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, truly in him the love of God has been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.

1 John 2:3-6

Yes, Christians fall into sin, but Christians also repent. We do not gleefully jump into the pool of sin and swim around in it for extended periods of time. We hate our sin. We feel guilt and conviction over our sin. And we repent. That’s one of the fruits of genuine conversion. Likewise, living in sin without conviction, repentance, etc., is the fruit of someone who is lost, regardless of what she might claim, because God says so.

I would encourage you to go and spend some time with your friend (without spending the night at her house) if at all possible. The Lord has put you – someone who cares for her and knows the Truth – into her life to be salt and light to her.

How to do it graciously? Reassure her of your love for her and that if you didn’t truly love her, you wouldn’t be addressing this with her. And then just tell her the truth. She claims to be a Christian. She’s living in direct violation of God’s Word. She needs to repent and change her ways.

Saying all of this graciously and kindly doesn’t mean she won’t get mad at you and break off the relationship. She might do just that because she loves her sin more than she loves you and certainly more than she loves Christ. No amount of graciousness and kindness on your part can prevent that.

And as strong, godly Christian women, we have to be OK with that. We serve a Savior who was despised and rejected by men. Is a disciple above his teacher or a slave above his master?

“A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a slave above his master. It is enough for the disciple that he become like his teacher, and the slave like his master. If they have called the head of the house Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household!

“Therefore do not fear them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for an assarion? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

“Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven.

“Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household.

“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.

Matthew 10:24-39

The gospel divides. And we are always called to stand with Jesus on His side of the divide.

I am wondering if you lead or have a ladies discernment class/group at your church? How do you handle discernment in your own church – formally or informally? The pushback I’m getting as I clear out our library (I’m the recent Library Chairwoman) has been a surprise to me. I’m wondering if I need to request to my Pastor to start a discernment group either as a Sunday School offering or as a study. I have no idea what resources outside of the Bible I would need, and any direction/ suggestions you could give would be great! 💜 Thank you so much for all you do!

It’s always a challenge when the pastor wants to move the church in a more discerning direction, and sometimes the pushback isn’t pleasant.

We do not have standing groups or classes at my church specifically centered around discernment. It’s just part of our regular sermons, Sunday School lessons, and discipleship classes whenever it comes up in the biblical text we’re studying, just like forgiveness or patience or prayer or any other biblical principle.

But if your church has really had no instruction in discernment, it’s probably best to spend some focused time on it. It would be best and most biblical if your pastor took the lead on this. It’s in his job description / qualifications, after all:

He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

Titus 1:9

It’s up to him how he addresses it – a sermon series, a discipleship seminar, maybe invite Justin Peters in to teach, or whatever. My only suggestion would be that it shouldn’t be framed as a “discernment group“. That makes it sound like a special group only for those who are interested (like a knitting group or a bowling group), when this is an important biblical principle and command for every Christian, “interested” or not. Everyone in your church needs to be instructed in discernment. It’s not optional.

Once your pastor decides how he’d like to handle If you’d like to undergird with the women what he’s doing with the whole congregation, I have two suggestions:

◦ I’ve written a Bible study on discernment. It’s called Choose What Is Right: A Study in Discernment, and you can find it (along with all the other studies I’ve written) at the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. All of my studies are free, available 24/7, and suitable for groups or individuals.

◦ How about making it fun and letting me do the heavy lifting? If you’d like to set up a women’s conference at your church, I’d be delighted to come and teach on the topic of discernment (other topics available too!). Just go back up to the blue menu bar at the top of this page and click on the Speaking Engagements tab for all the details.

One more piece of advice that’s probably a little too late for you but might spare another reader and/or her pastor: the church library can be a bit of a golden calf for some church members, and for various reasons. When a solid pastor friend of mine decided to finally pull the trigger on cleaning out his church’s years’ neglected library of all the fluff and false doctrine, he went about it in a very wise way.

He told none of the church members about it. He went into the library, assessed it, and assigned one of the other pastors’ wives (who was discerning and had been itching to get in there and clean house) to the task. He told her what he wanted removed and told her to come to him with anything else questionable. It was done quickly, quietly, and most importantly, with little to no pushback. That’s what I’d recommend.

Thank you for your list of Recommended Bible Teachers, Authors, etc.! This is great! Can you please add Pastor _____ from _____ Church?

You’re welcome! I’m glad that’s a helpful resource.

Typically, when this kind of request is made, it’s about a pastor, author, etc. that I’ve never heard of. And let me just say, I’m thrilled – THRILLED – that there are so many good ones out there that I haven’t heard of most of them. There are good, doctrinally sound teachers out there, it’s just that most of them are not well known. Don’t be discouraged, thinking there’s nothing out there but false teachers!

But just as a general answer to this question, no, I probably won’t add the person you’re suggesting. The people on the recommended teachers list are people I feel comfortable proactively recommending because I know them personally and/or I’ve personally listened to them long enough (think: years) to know, from first hand experience, that they’re solid.

You’re welcome to keep suggesting people. I might listen to them. But if I do add them, it’s going to be a while.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Christian women, Discernment, Men

Throwback Thursday ~ Women and False Teachers: Why Men Don’t Get It, and Why It’s Imperative That They Do

Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 22, 2017

Confession time: Sometimes – OK, often – I think my brain works more like a man’s than a woman’s. You’ve got a problem? Suck it up- here’s the solution. The mall? A perfectly horrifying way to ruin a Saturday. And why do we have to hug people hello and goodbye when we see each other multiple times a week?

I’ve always been more comfortable around men, and when I was single, I had mostly male friends. They’re generally¹ less mysterious and easier to figure out than women, and they don’t usually play those manipulative emotional games some women can be notorious for. If a man says he wants a cheese sandwich, there’s no hidden “you don’t bring me flowers often enough” meaning there. He just wants a cheese sandwich. I like that. It’s pretty much how I operate.

Which makes me the perfect person for God to plunk down smack dab in the middle of women’s ministry, right?

Harrumph.

God just has this way about Him of stretching us and growing us beyond our comfortable little confines. I used to be terrified of walking into a room full of women (They’re so unpredictable! You never know when a big emotional scene might break out!) But after years of teaching and discipling women, developing close friendships with women, serving and ministering to women, I now walk into that room and see precious sisters, created oh so tenderly and intricately by God’s loving hands.

God purposefully and intentionally made each woman unique, but with common traits and perspectives that bind us together as sisters and differentiate us from men. And because men aren’t wired by God the same way women are, sometimes they’re just not going to get the way women think about things, approach people, or respond to issues. Sometimes (shopping, flowers, hugginess) that’s no big deal. They can shrug their shoulders, extend grace, and make space for the women in their lives to think, feel, and react differently than men would without really taking the time to understand why.

There’s at least one biblical issue women respond to differently at the core level of their spiritual DNA than men do. And men, it’s crucial that you get it on this one.

But there’s at least one biblical issue women respond to differently at the core level of their spiritual DNA than men do. And men, it’s crucial that you get it on this one. You’re the pastors. The elders. The husbands. The fathers. The ones responsible before God for leading your churches and your families in doctrinally sound spiritual growth. You’ve got to get this for the sake of the girls and women you lead:

Women respond differently to false teachers than men do.

And, ladies, we need to understand this about ourselves, too.

It started, not with the advent of modern feminism, or the church age, or even the Fall. It started in the Garden.

Genesis 3 begins…

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman…

Have you ever wondered why the serpent approached Eve instead of Adam?

Before sin entered the world, before that snake in the grass even thought up his dastardly plan of deception, there was a void in the world. None of the animals or birds could fill it. Neither could Adam. God determined that, in order to make His creation complete, there was a need for woman to fill that void. So He reached down with His own two hands (so to speak) and personally crafted a woman.

God had made both animals and Adam out of cold, dead dirt. Not so with woman. God made woman out of soft, warm, living flesh, already coursing with life. God made man to tend the ground from which he had come. God made woman to tend the man from which she had come.

God made man to tend the ground from which he had come. God made woman to tend the man from which she had come.

And in the same way that God used a different method for creating man and woman and gave them different modes of work, He also gave them different mental and emotional makeups.

God created women with some incredible strengths. Women are usually much better nurturers than men. We’re often better at negotiating, compromising, and making peace between opposing parties. We’re more sensitive to what others are going through and how to treat people in a kind and compassionate way. We bear up under certain pains and stressors better than men do. We’re usually better communicators than men. And, frequently it’s much easier for women to trust, love, and give the benefit of the doubt to others.

And along with those unique strengths come unique challenges that we have to watch out for and that men need some insight about.

We’re kinder and more compassionate, so we have to be careful about people who would take advantage of that. Nurturing is great for raising our children, but if we baby them all their lives, that’s not healthy. Being trusting is a fantastic character trait, but it’s imperative that we be vigilant not to put our trust in the wrong person.

Could it be that the serpent approached Eve instead of Adam because he thought she would be more trusting, give him the benefit of the doubt, and thus be easier to deceive?

First Timothy 2:14 echoes this idea. In 1 Timothy 2:11-14, God explains that women are not to teach men or exercise authority over men in the gathered body of Believers – the church. He gives two reasons for this in verses 13-14. The first reason (13) is the Creative order: “Adam was formed first, then Eve”. God’s second reason is in verse 14:

and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.

It’s interesting that verse 13 refers to the specific woman, Eve, but verse 14 uses the more generic term “the woman.” Are women, as a whole, more likely to be victimized by deceivers than men are? Scripture seems to point us that direction.

In 2 Timothy 3:1-9, Paul warns Timothy that people – including those in the church – will become more and more degenerate during the last days. There will even be those who have an outer facade of godliness but are not operating by the power and indwelling of the Holy Spirit (5). In other words: false teachers. Verses 6-7 tell us that among these false teachers are those…

…who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.

In verse 16 of this same chapter we read that “all Scripture is breathed out by God,” and we know that God never makes mistakes or chooses His words haphazardly. So we know there’s a reason God uses the words “weak women” here. Not weak men, not weak Christians, not weak people – weak women. God graciously gives a warning to women not to be taken in by these false teachers, and an exhortation to men – particularly pastors, since this is a pastoral epistle – to protect the women of their churches and families against those who would prey upon tenderhearted, trusting women.

One reason these women are weak is that they’re led astray by various passions. Today, the word “passion” or “passionate” often has a sexual connotation, but that’s not the only meaning, especially not here. Dictionary.com defines passion as “any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate; a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything.” Merriam-Webster says passion is, “the emotions as distinguished from reason; a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept.”

As with so many other valuable characteristics God has blessed women with, passion is a two-edged sword. God wants us to have a passion for holiness, pursing Christ, and biblical ministry to others, but we have to be extremely careful to steward that passion with the reins, bit, and bridle of discernment and knowledge of the Scriptures. Otherwise, we will pour our passion – our powerful and compelling loyalty, enthusiasm, fondness, and love – into the wrong teachers and doctrines.

Which brings us full circle to Eve, because that’s where her train jumped the tracks.

But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.
Genesis 3:4-6 

Notice the serpent doesn’t invite Eve to do something blatantly evil. “God knows…” “…you will be like God.” He’s tempting her to do something she thinks is godly. Then Eve takes her eyes off God and His Word and looks instead at the tree.

🍃It was good for food– The fruit would satisfy a felt need. It was practical. She and Adam needed supper. Here was an easy solution. And, besides, it looked delicious and nutritious.

🍃It was a delight to the eyes– The fruit appealed to Eve’s sense of beauty. It looked good to her.

🍃It was to be desired to make one wise– Eve had a passion to grow in wisdom and godliness, and this beautiful, appealing, practical, attractive fruit seemed, in her eyes, the best and most enjoyable way to reach that goal.

This is the same way women are being deceived today. The attractive “tree” (Ever notice that most false teachers are at least somewhat physically attractive – “a delight to the eyes”?) extends a branch with lovely-looking, supposedly nutritious fruit on it which she says will lead to godly wisdom and growth (even though her teaching conflicts with God’s written Word). And it’ll be delicious too. Those who bite the apple will feast on love, positive thoughts, encouragement, and self-esteem-building teaching. It’s too appealing to the woman’s senses – and she’s too weak in her knowledge of Scripture and her desire to obey it – to pass up. She succumbs to the passions of her senses, plucks the fruit, and eats.

And then a fascinating phenomenon begins to take place. The weak woman feeds her passions with the fruit of false doctrine, and then she begins to pour that passion – that intense, compelling loyalty, love, fondness, and enthusiasm – into the false teacher herself. As anyone who has ever tried to gently open a devotee’s eyes can attest, hell hath no fury like a confronted Beth Moore disciple. I have seen women defend their favorite false teachers – against clear Scripture, mind you – with a viciousness I’m not sure I could muster to protect my own children against physical harm.

Men may enjoy a particular false teacher, but women worship them.

Men may enjoy a particular false teacher, but women worship them.

And this is the crux of the difference that men rarely grasp when the topic of discernment comes up. I’ve talked to countless pastors who don’t understand why simply preaching and teaching sound doctrine from the pulpit and in the Sunday School class isn’t sufficient to protect their churches from the infiltration of false doctrine and false teachers. This is why.

I’ve talked to countless pastors who don’t understand why simply preaching and teaching sound doctrine isn’t sufficient to protect their churches from false doctrine and false teachers. This. is. why.

Maybe a man will hear hear a biblical truth, realize the preacher he’s been listening to conflicts with it, and simply walk away. A woman won’t. Because, not only has the teaching a woman listens to inextricably wrapped its tentacles around the very core of her soul, she has also formed an emotional bond with the teacher that’s almost impossible to break. She loves her. And she will nearly always choose that loving, bonded “relationship” over biblical truth, giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt and making excuses for her every step of the way.

A woman will nearly always choose that loving, bonded “relationship” with the teacher over biblical truth, giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt and making excuses for her every step of the way.

The Holy Spirit gets it. He understands the power false teachers wield over weak women and the destruction false teaching in general brings upon the church, so He inspired Paul to write Titus 1:9:

[A pastor] must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

Pastors who only preach sound doctrine are only doing half their job.

Pastors who only preach sound doctrine are only doing half their job. And notice that this verse doesn’t merely say to “rebuke teaching that contradicts sound doctrine” in a generic sort of way. It says rebuke “those who” contradict it. “Those who” are people. Specific people. People with names.

Many pastors and teachers don’t want to name names of false teachers. They’ll quote false teachers, allude to them, describe them, and drop hints as to their identity, hoping against hope their church members will figure out who they’re talking about and stop following them. But they don’t want to call specific names. I understand the fear of naming names. It opens pastors up to attack by the aforementioned disciples of false teachers. I’ve experienced their venom, and believe me, nobody wants to go through that.

Guys – pastors, teachers, husbands – I’m telling you the women you’re preaching to, the women who are in the tightest clutches of false teachers aren’t getting your veiled allusions to generic, unnamed “false teachers”.

But guys – pastors, teachers, husbands – I’m telling you the women you’re preaching to, the women who are in the tightest clutches of false teachers aren’t getting it. They are not going to hear your veiled allusions to “some Christian authors who say…” or “the pastor of one of the largest churches in America teaches…” and think you’re talking about the false teacher they’re following. They think you’re talking about somebody else. The guy their neighbor is following. That crazy preacher on TBN. But not my favorite Southern Baptist “Bible” study teacher who’s a best seller at LifeWay and is touted on social media by well known pastors.

It takes courage – manly courage – to stand up in front of your congregation, class, or wife and warn them against specific false teachers, but that’s what godly men – who love the women in their churches and families and want to see them spiritually healthy – do.

We need your help, men. The church needs your help. Your family needs your help. Please get this so you can help other “Eves” not to be deceived and weak women to become strong followers of Christ, not false teachers.

¹If it’s not abundantly clear from context, please understand that I’m speaking in generalities in this article. Naturally, individuals vary.

Additional Resources

Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends

Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring it Out on Your Own

Clinging to the Golden Calf: 7 Godly Responses When Someone Says You’re Following a False Teacher

Basic Training: Being Berean- 8 Steps for Comparing Teaching to Scripture

Do You MIND? : Five Reasons for Pastors to Mind What Their Brides Are Reading

Women In Combat

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Do they know they’re heretics? … Removing Allie … Confirmation invitation?)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

I am wondering, do people who fit the definition of heretic know they are wrong? Are they consciously rejecting the gospel or genuinely confused / misinterpreting it?

Great question! In my experience, false teachers fall into one of two categories:

1. Con artists who know the whole false teaching universe is a sham, but they’ve observed how much money can be made off the grift and want a piece of the pie, so they feign believing and teaching false doctrine in order to scam people out of their money. They’re no different from people who run pyramid schemes or fake land deals to cheat people. Think Elmer Gantry. These folks are a tiny – I mean, microscopic – segment of those we would call false teachers.

2. Nearly all heretics and false teachers would fall into the second category- the deceived deceivers.

But evil men and impostors will proceed from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.

2 Timothy 3:13

with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may give them repentance leading to the full knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.

2 Timothy 2:25-26

They are deceived into believing that what they’re teaching is the truth and that discerning Christians who rebuke them are “legalistic” or “Pharisees” or “putting God in a box” or some such nonsense.

The people you describe as “genuinely confused / misinterpreting it,” are not in the category of “false teacher”. They are in the category of “genuine Christian in need of discipleship,” much like Apollos. He was teaching what, as far as he knew, was the truth of the gospel. When Priscilla and Aquila took him aside and corrected him, he embraced that correction, began teaching the gospel correctly, and was sent out with joy by the church to continue teaching.

Why did you remove Allie Beth Stuckey from your Recommended Bible Teachers, Authors, etc. list?

Please believe me when I say I didn’t want to, and I waited longer to remove her, and extended more grace and benefit of the doubt to her than anyone else I’ve ever removed (which, praise God, has only been a handful of people). But in fairness to others I’ve removed, to avoid being hypocritical, and out of concern for my followers, I had no choice.

I have been listening to Allie’s podcast, Relatable, for about five years now. I have always thought she did a wonderful job of discussing political issues from a biblical worldview, and explaining these issues in a way that puts them on the bottom shelf for people like me who don’t keep up or don’t get it. That was why I initially started listening.

As her show became increasingly theological in nature, a few things occasionally gave me pause, but nothing that couldn’t be quickly overlooked with love for someone who is generally doctrinally sound.

But then there were the interviews with professing Christians who are biblically problematic. I do want to stress that the vast majority of professing Christians Allie interviewed through the end of 2024 (the last time I listened to an episode) were solid and doctrinally sound. I also want to make clear that I think it’s perfectly acceptable for a Christian host of a Christian podcast to interview lost people (who don’t profess to be Christians) when the topic warrants that. And that is par for the course when your primary field is politics. Neither of these are the interviews I’m referring to.

The interviews I’m talking about have been interviews with professing Christians who have ranged from problematic to literal heretic, and who have shared their testimonies or offered commentary on theological issues. Allie has not had them on the show to challenge their unbiblical beliefs, teachings, or actions, but to present them as acceptable teachers and/or brothers and sisters in Christ.

The Robertsons- Allie has interviewed various members of the Robertson family of Duck Dynasty fame. The Robertsons’ church (where Phil and Al are elders), is part of the Church of Christ denomination, which teaches baptismal regeneration. Baptismal regeneration, in a nutshell, is the belief that you must be baptized in order to be saved – that salvation does not take place until you have been baptized. This is a false gospel.

And yet, Allie has platformed Phil, Al, Willie, and Jase Robertson on the show in episode 1145, Jase and Al Give an Update on Phil Robertson’s Tragic Diagnoses, episode 592, Sharing the Gospel with Trump, and episode 1009, Confidently Sharing the Gospel, all of which were largely about evangelism. You don’t invite people on your show who believe and teach a false gospel1 to get their insights about sharing the gospel.

In April of 2024, Allie interviewed Tara-Leigh Cobble, in The Bible Isn’t About You | Guest: Tara-Leigh Cobble | Ep 993, and despite being provided with information about why Tara-Leigh is biblically problematic…

…recommended her again in this January 2025 Instagram post:

Then there was Is ‘The Chosen’ Biblical? | Guest: Dallas Jenkins | Ep 726. The obvious answer to any doctrinally sound Christian who has watched or researched The Chosen is, “Absolutely not!”. But it seemed as though perhaps Allie was not very familiar with The Chosen, and the interview mostly consisted of softball questions, which had the (unintended, I’m sure) effect of giving Dallas Jenkins not only a pass on the blasphemy he’s responsible for, both on screen and off, but further opportunity to deceptively claim to a large audience that said blasphemies are actually biblical. (Commendably, however, Allie did make very clear that Mormonism is not Christianity, when that issue arose during the interview.)

I have also had readers ask me to address the fact that Candace Cameron Bure has been a guest on Relatable and was featured at Allie’s Share the Arrows conference for Christian women in 2024. Candace is someone who has flown under my radar because she’s not really a teacher, per se, she’s an actress, but she does share and promote a lot of false teachers on Instagram and her podcast (e.g. Gather25, she had Priscilla Shirer co-host the entire eighth season of her podcast, Jennie Allen, the entire sixth season, Bianca Olthoff – season 4, and Tara-Leigh Cobble – season 1), and if she’s being platformed (by Allie or anyone else) as someone to listen to about Christian issues, this is extremely problematic.

But the interview that finally forced me to remove Allie from my recommends was in December of 2024 when she had Lisa Bevere on the show, not only introducing her as “a sister in Christ,” but promoting her new book.

Allie also appeared with Lisa on pro-life org Live Action’s podcast, The Lies Women Face | Exclusives with Lisa Bevere & Allie Beth Stuckey.

And, as far as I know, Allie is still scheduled to appear with Lisa again in June 2025 at Live Action’s Women’s Summit.

Lisa Bevere is a literal heretic. She and her husband John teach New Apostolic Reformation heresy, and are well known speakers and celebrities in the NAR world. This is not hard to find out. It takes only a few minutes and a search engine. You can read more about the Beveres in my article about them.

Allie and I have exchanged a handful of DMs in the past, so I reached out to her twice after the episode posted but didn’t receive a response (which is understandable since I’m sure she probably receives hundreds of messages a day). When she posted about the episode on Facebook, she received well over a hundred comments, all but a few of them reproving her for platforming Lisa.

I continued listening to Relatable, hoping that, even though it wouldn’t be easy, Allie would offer some sort of retraction, warning her listeners away from Lisa and her heretical teaching, but none was forthcoming.

Several weeks ago, I reached out to Allie again, including the link to my article about the Beveres and encouraging her to publicly retract her support of Lisa. This time, Allie graciously and kindly thanked me and said she would read the article. I have reached out to her twice since then to ask her thoughts, but haven’t heard back from her yet. I’m sure she’s just very busy and will get to it when she can.

To date, as far as I know, Allie has not publicly repented for and retracted her promotion of Lisa, and, as you can see above, the episode with Lisa has not been removed from her YouTube channel.

These are the reasons I’ve removed Allie from my list of recommended teachers and authors.2

UPDATE (May 2025): Since the publication of this article just two months ago, I’ve become aware of two additional serious instances of Allie’s lack of discernment:

1. Allie is scheduled to be a featured speaker at Gabe and Rebekah Lyons‘ Thinq Summit conference (formerly Q Conference/Q-ideas). The Lyonses are extremely progressive (liberal) in their theology. They’re egalitarian, affirming of homosexuality and other sexual immorality, and yoke almost exclusively with false teachers. Read more here.

2. Allie recently platformed (see “Additional Resources” below) Michael Knowles, a staunch Catholic, on her show, seemed to treat him as a brother in Christ, and recommended his show and books to her audience. More info on Catholicism here. More details on why platforming Michael was problematic here (full video here), which Allie did not take kindly to.

Readers, I want you to clearly understand some things here, so please read the following information slowly, carefully, and as many times as you have to in order to grasp what I am and am not saying so that you won’t misrepresent me, or Allie, or jump to wrong conclusions.

I am not saying Allie, herself, is a false teacher. That’s not what removing her from my list of recommended teachers means. It simply means I can’t, in good conscience, and in fairness to others, proactively point people to her. For the foreseeable future, I have no reason or any plans to add her to my list of false teachers.

I am not questioning Allie’s salvation. I really feel like that should be obvious. The only reason I’m even saying this is because I know somebody who’s not reading carefully is going to jump to that wrong conclusion.

I am questioning Allie’s discernment, wisdom, and/or research. To whom much is given, much will be required (Luke 12:48). Allie has a large audience. Many of her followers are lost, new Christians, or undiscerning, which makes them especially vulnerable to false teachers. Before Allie platforms someone on her show as a brother or sister in Christ, a trustworthy Christian resource, or someone with expertise in an area of theology or the Christian life, she has a personal responsibility as a Christian to vet that person and make sure s/he is doctrinally sound so she won’t be thrusting vulnerable people into the arms of a wolf, or even someone who’s just theologically mistaken. Allie has failed to do this several times, which is the crux of the reason I’m pausing recommending her. If you choose to continue following Allie, I would strongly recommend that you vet anyone she interviews, platforms at her own events, or appears with at other events before you decide to follow or receive teaching from that person.

There’s nothing personal or emotional about this decision. I still love Allie to death and consider her a sister in Christ. I’m not mad or upset with her, and I hope that feeling is mutual. Although I’m somewhat disappointed that she hasn’t issued any sort of public retraction or statement of repentance – because that would be the biblical thing to do, and she has thus far failed to do it – removing her from the list of recommended teachers was a policy and ministry decision I was forced to make, not a personal one.

Everybody errs. I do. You do. This time, Allie did. We need to remember the grace Christ has extended to us while still exhibiting repentance when we sin, and expecting brothers and sisters in Christ to do the same. And we certainly need to remember the Golden Rule – to treat others the way we would want to be treated.

This doesn’t have to be permanent, and I’m hoping it’s not. I would love to add Allie back to my list of Recommended Teachers, Authors, etc., if and when that becomes an option.

Additional Resource:

Unequally Yoked: When Christians Platform False Teachers at A Word Fitly Spoken

How should we respond to an invitation to attend our niece’s confirmation in the Catholic Church?

Before we get into the mechanics of how to respond, everybody take a moment and think this through. How would you respond if you were invited to a ceremony or celebration for a loved one who was becoming a Mormon? A Hindu? A member of a cult? If you’re recoiling right now, that’s the same inward response you should have if you’re invited to attend a loved one’s initiation into Catholicism.

Catholicism isn’t Christianity. It is just as anti-Christian and anti-biblical as any of those other religions.

I know it’s really difficult when someone you love has embraced an unbiblical theology and invites you to celebrate with her. You love her, you want to participate in this with her just like you participate with her in birthdays, Christmas, and other special events, and you don’t want to be the big, bad Christian meanie. But out of loyalty to Christ, you can’t celebrate blasphemy and false doctrine, and out of love for your loved one, you can’t celebrate something that’s going to send her to an eternity in Hell.

So, what do you do? I don’t know how invitations to confirmations work. If it’s like a formal wedding invitation that includes an R.s.v.p. card (or some sort of response website, like The Knot), simply mark “will not attend” and send it back.

Whether or not you explain why you won’t be attending sort of depends on how close you are to this niece and her family, whether or not they pretty much already know why you’re not attending, and whether or not you want to.

If you’re not close with the niece and her family, you were just one of the 500 other people they invited, the aforementioned R.s.v.p. (or if it’s more casual, a verbal or text, “I’m sorry, but we won’t be able to make it.”) will suffice. If you want to write a letter or email briefly explaining why you can’t biblically attend, you can do that, just be sure to keep it kind and loving rather than attacking or lecturing.

If you are close with the niece and her family and you’ve already had some discussions about why Catholicism isn’t biblical, you can simply let them know you won’t be able to make it. They probably already know why, but if they ask, you can briefly remind them of your past conversations and that your conscience won’t allow you to attend.

If you’re close with the niece and her family, and you haven’t ever had any discussions about why Catholicism is unbiblical, you can try simply responding that you won’t be able to make it, but if you’re otherwise really involved in her life, they’re going to want to know why you’d miss such an important event. Do not make up an excuse. That’s lying. Briefly explain to them why your love and loyalty to Christ and your love for your niece won’t let you attend. If you think they’re open to it and it would help, you could even send them this resource.

Additional Resources:

Roman Catholicism: Mass Confusion at A Word Fitly Spoken

Truth and Love – with Mike Gendron at A Word Fitly Spoken

1Because I know I’m going to get the question, “Are you saying that the Robertsons aren’t Christians because they believe in baptismal regeneration?” here’s my answer: That’s something that would have to be determined on a case by case basis. They and their church also preach, teach, and believe the biblical gospel. I’ve heard them present it. If anyone genuinely repents and believes the biblical gospel, that person is saved at that moment. If he subsequently believes he has to be immediately baptized or he’s not going to Heaven when he dies, that’s a false belief, but it doesn’t negate that person’s genuine belief in the true gospel. Conversely, if he believes it’s his baptism that saves, regenerates, or justifies him, rather than repenting and believing the gospel, that person is not saved. You can see how you would really need to talk to an individual who holds to baptismal regeneration about exactly what he personally believes in order to help him understand whether or not he’s genuinely saved. Be all of that as it may, it is still a false gospel to teach that a person is not saved unless he is baptized. That is my point about the Robertsons being called upon as experts on evangelism on Allie’s show.

2I have also had followers alert me to some of the political rally-type events Allie has spoken at, and questioned whether or not she was unbiblically instructing men in the Scriptures or sharing the stage with other false teachers at these events. To be perfectly transparent, I haven’t looked into this, so I don’t know. If that’s a concern for you, I would encourage you to do the research for yourself.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.