I am married with two children, and my husband and I had always planned to have as many children as God gave us. I had an emergency cesarean with my first child. During the delivery of my second child, I had signs of uterine rupture and was rushed to the OR. My son was delivered via cesarean as my uterus was tearing open along the incision. I hemorrhaged severely during the surgery and required a blood transfusion.

I asked my doctor what she thought about another pregnancy and she said she thought one more pregnancy would “not be taking an unreasonable amount of risk,” but that every cesarean is higher risk than the one before and most doctors advise against having more than three.

Should I risk getting pregnant again? If I do get pregnant, should I get my tubes tied during the delivery? What does God think of tying tubes? Should I have as many children as God gives us despite the risks?

This is a great question, and one I want to answer very carefully. It would be foolish of me to say, “Yes, have as many children as possible,” because I’m not a doctor and that advice could kill you. It would likewise be foolish to tell you not to get pregnant again because your doctor seems to have indicated that it would probably be OK to do so. This is a decision you and your husband will have to make.

What I can do is hopefully provide you with a few biblical tools you can use to help make that decision.

♦ Pray. God tells us if we lack wisdom to ask Him for it and He’ll give it to us. Pray for your doctors, pray for your husband, and pray for yourself during this decision-making time.

♦ Modern medicine is a blessing of God. Listen to your doctor. Get a second and third opinion if you want. See a specialist. Do some research. Be completely convinced, medically, of whether or not one or more additional pregnancies is wise.

♦ The Bible obviously doesn’t speak to the issue of tubal ligation (having your tubes tied). It neither advocates for nor prohibits non-abortive forms of birth control, especially in cases in which a pregnancy might be medically dangerous. Therefore, this is left to the conscience of Christian couples. Here are some resources that may be helpful:

What does the Bible say about permanent forms of birth control such as a tubal ligation or vasectomy? at Got Questions

What does the Bible teach about birth control? at Grace To You

Does the Bible permit birth control? by Matt Perman

♦ Count the cost. Are you prepared for the fact that you or your baby could die during the pregnancy or delivery? You have two children and a husband who need you. Are they willing to risk life without you and/or the baby? Conversely, are you prepared to accept being the mother of only two children? If not, why not?

♦ Talk it out with your pastor or some spiritually mature friends if you feel comfortable doing so. Sometimes just hashing everything out verbally can help bring clarity. Pastors and godly friends can provide wise counsel. It’s your pastor’s responsibility to care for your soul and point you to God’s word. Additionally, he may have some helpful resources for you.

♦ This is one of those situations in which submission to your husband can be extremely freeing for you. Ultimately, this is your husband’s decision. The two of you should pray, go over the medical research, and discuss things together, but the final decision rests with your husband. That takes the load of responsibility off your shoulders and places it where it belongs- on him.

Take all of these things into prayerful consideration, make a decision, and trust that when God says He’ll give you wisdom, He will.

If you have a question about: a well known Christian author/leader, a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Discernment, False Teachers, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Do you recommend these teachers/authors? Volume 2

October 10, 2016February 22, 2025 Michelle Lesley

If you are considering commenting or sending me an e-mail objecting to the fact that I warn against false teachers, please click here and read this article first. Your objection is most likely answered here. I won’t be publishing comments or answering emails that are answered by this article.

Volume 1 Volume 3

I get lots of questions about particular authors, pastors, and Bible teachers, and whether or not I recommend them. Some of the best known can be found above at my Popular False Teachers tab. Below are some others I’ve been asked about recently, so I’ve done a quick check (this is brief research, not exhaustive) on each of them.

Generally speaking, in order for me to recommend a teacher, speaker, or author, he or she has to meet three criteria:

a) A female teacher cannot currently and unrepentantly preach to or teach men in violation of 1 Timothy 2:12. A male teacher or pastor cannot allow women to carry out this violation of Scripture in his ministry. The pastor or teacher cannot currently and unrepentantly be living in any other sin (for example, cohabiting with her boyfriend or living as a homosexual).

b) The pastor or teacher cannot currently and unrepentantly be partnering with or frequently appearing with false teachers. This is a violation of Scripture.

c) The pastor or teacher cannot currently and unrepentantly be teaching false doctrine.

I am not very familiar with the women listed below and have not had much of an opportunity to examine their writings or hear them speak, so most of the “quick checking” I did involved items a and b (although in order to partner with false teachers (b) it is reasonable to assume their doctrine is acceptable to the false teacher and that they are not teaching anything that would conflict with the false teacher’s doctrine).

Just to be clear, “not recommended” is a spectrum. On one end of this spectrum are people like Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth and Kay Arthur. These are people I would not label as false teachers because their doctrine is generally sound, but because of some red flags I’m seeing with them, you won’t find me proactively endorsing them or suggesting them as a good resource, either. There are better people you could be listening to. On the other end of the spectrum are people like Joyce Meyer and Rachel Held Evans- complete heretics whose teachings, if believed, might lead you to an eternity in Hell. Most of the teachers I review fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum (leaning toward the latter).

Rachel Held Evans– Not recommended. There are so many ways Rachel deviates from orthodox, biblical Christianity, It would be impossible to describe all of them, even briefly. Rachel denies the Bible’s inerrancy as well as its authority. She rejects the Bible’s teaching that a conscious knowledge of and faith in Christ is necessary for salvation (inclusivism). She supports homosexual “marriage” as well as the idea of calling practicing, unrepentant homosexuals Christians and including them in church membership. She mercilessly twists and misuses Scripture to the extent that it would be comical for its ridiculousness were it not so blasphemous. (Denny Burk has an excellent article that covers all of these issues in more detail.) Rachel believes in evolution. Rachel has, at best, mixed feelings about abortion, supporting the funding of Planned Parenthood and decrying “abstinence only” teaching in sex ed classes. Rachel is a staunch feminist, egalitarian, and promoter of “gender equality” in the church. Pick a biblical issue or doctrine. Rachel is almost certain to be on the unbiblical side of it.

Rachel Held Evans died May 4, 2019. I commend to you Gabriel Hughes’ and Elizabeth Prata’s articles responding to her death.

Heather Lindsey– Not recommended. The header of Heather’s website lists her as: Christian, Wife, Mother, etc., and “pastor.” Heather and her husband co-pastor a “church”, which is rebellion against Scripture.

Heather demonstrates extremely poor hermeneutics and lacks a basic understanding of Christ’s atonement in salvation. In this video , she not only teaches that you can lose your salvation by failing to forgive others, she also refers to examining Scripture in context as a way of “squirming out of” obedience to the Bible. In this article on how to study the Bible, Heather suggests praying in tongues, using music by some of her favorite artists, including Jesus Culture, Kari Jobe, and Hillsong, and using study materials such as the Joyce Meyer Everyday Living Bible, the Dakes Study Bible (embraced by Kenneth Copeland and Benny Hinn), The Power of Speaking God’s Word by Joyce Meyer, and Beth Moore materials. In the same article, she makes this odd statement in reference to Jesus being her “husband” (she misunderstands and takes several verses out of context to explain this relationship):

“When I was single, I would dress up, make reservations and take my bible & have a date night! I would go to the movies with Jesus! I would cook him dinner, brownies AND we’d watch a movie at home alone. We’d go grocery shopping together. At nighttime, I would talk to Him about what I should wear the next day (sometimes, we would disagree lol) I would ask Him how He wants me to wear my hair.”

She also talks about having “a relationship with God the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ,” demonstrating her lack of understanding of the role of the Holy Spirit.

Continuing in the same article, Heather indicates that she believes in and receives extra-biblical revelation and that she relies on her feelings rather than God’s word:

“I started to obey Christ..whenever He told me to do something. You hear God’s voice through your inner ear and some would call it your ‘gut’, conscience or ‘just something told you that you should have done that.’ I always CHECK my peace. If something comes up–I immediately tune into the Holy Spirit and I can tell if He is tugging my heart one way or another. I LISTEN to that peace. A great checker is if you’re in an unhealthy relationship & God is telling you to leave it–you won’t have any peace about the person.”

Heather’s blog is rife with recommendations for and references to Joyce Meyer and T.D. Jakes, she is an admirer of Sarah Jakes Roberts, and Heather and her husband Cornelius have preached at T.D. Jakes’ organization The Potter’s House. You can listen to a critique of one of her “sermons” here.

Nancy (Leigh) DeMoss Wolgemuth– Not recommended. There are many good things about Nancy and her ministry, Revive Our Hearts. Nancy’s teaching is generally doctrinally sound, and I would not label her a false teacher. I’ve personally done one of Nancy’s studies and didn’t find any theological problems with it.

I commend Nancy for stating on her Revive Our Hearts web site that ROH supports the Danvers Statement on biblical manhood and womanhood. Unfortunately, Nancy also believes it is appropriate for women to speak to mixed groups as long as they’re doing so “under the headship of male spiritual authority” and the woman is not in “a position of ongoing responsibility for the spiritual direction of men” (Scripture doesn’t make either of these exceptions).

ROH recommends multiple studies by both Beth Moore and Priscilla Shirer on their resource page and ROH has printed articles by Nancy and others positively referencing both Moore and Shirer (who was a featured speaker at ROH’s True Woman conference in 2012), as well as Lysa TerKeurst/Proverbs 31. There was also concern in 2012 over Nancy’s/ROH’s/True Woman’s use and endorsement of “circle maker” praying. Finally, ROH is an outreach of Life Action Ministries which subscribes to Keswick theology (source, source, source).

I truly regret that I’m unable to give a wholehearted endorsement to any of these women. I’m sure they’re all perfectly nice people who, in their own hearts, have only the best of intentions, but Christian leaders and teachers have a grave responsibility to Christ and to their listeners to teach sound doctrine and walk in obedience to Scripture. Please understand that this is not a personal attack on any of these women, only answers to readers’ questions about whether or not I recommend them and their materials.

If you have a question about: a well-known Christian author/leader, a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: How Can Christian Moms Raise Godly Men?

October 3, 2016June 8, 2019 Michelle Lesley

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How would you, as a Christian woman, raise a son to become a man in our modern effeminate culture? Obviously, fathers are ultimately responsible for this task (a woman can teach a boy many things, but she can’t teach him how to be a man), however, mothers do play a critical role.

This is such a great question. So great, in fact, that when I went to start answering it, I discovered I already had! Here’s an article I wrote for Kaylene Yoder’s blog last year: Six Ways to Raise a Godly Man.

godly-man

Boys. Aren’t they phenomenal? My husband and I have five boys ranging in age from 12 to 28. They’re loud, they’re gross, they’re physical, and I wouldn’t trade them for girls in a hot minute. While I love my daughter and the precious relationship we have as girls, I genuinely feel like God specially crafted me to be a mom of boys.

But boys will be boys, and girls will be girls, and sometimes, as “girls,” we moms need to think outside the pretty pink box of femininity in order to relate to, and rightly raise, these extraordinary creatures God has blessed us with. Here are six ways I’ve learned through the years to raise a Godly man.

1. Remember you’re raising boys.

Despite what you might hear from the scientific community, boys and girls are not the same except for genitalia. The way God wired them to see and relate to the world, think, react, and solve problems, is completely different from the way God wired girls to do these things. In 1 Corinthians 16:13, Paul tells the men of the church at Corinth:

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

There’s a certain way that men (and boys) act, and it’s not the same as the way girls act. God made them that way, and we must parent them like they’re boys, not anatomically male girls.

2. Make way for Daddy.

There have been so many times I have been tempted to baby my boys over bumps and bruises or give them a light scolding for disobedience. It took a lot of lip biting to stand out of the way while my husband told them to walk it off or got out the paddle for correction. But husbands know better than we do what it’s like to be a little (or big) boy. Point your boys to your husband as an example, and make sure you’re not getting in the way as they relate to each other “man to man”.

3. Tell them to take a lap.

One thing that moms often don’t realize about boys is that they are wired to need physical activity for their emotional, behavioral, and educational well being. Require them to sit still and be quiet for hours at a time, and you may have a son who gets that need for physicality out of his system by acting out behaviorally. God created boys with a need to run, throw, and hit, so honor His design by letting them.

4. Show them what a godly woman looks like.

They won’t be able to find a godly woman to marry one day if they don’t know what one looks like. Show them. Study your Bible. Pray. Repent and apologize when you sin. Submit to your husband. Manage your home well. Be hospitable. Serve your family and your church. Give them a gold standard to shoot for.

Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.
Proverbs 31:29

5. Instruct them, from a woman’s point of view, godly ways to honor women.

Because boys don’t think the way girls do, they need to be taught how women like to be treated by men. Boys tend to have an “every man for himself” mindset, so things like “ladies first,” opening doors for women, keeping bodily functions to themselves, and helping out around the house don’t always occur to them. They have to be proactively taught these things as a way of “serving one another in love” (Galatians 5:13).

(Oh, and by the way, they will never learn to keep bodily functions to themselves. Ever. Sorry.)

6. Realize the impact of your role in building godly men.

Samuel, Jesus, Timothy. Godly men, all. And every one of them had a godly mother – Hannah, Mary, Eunice – who raised them to love and serve God. Don’t ever think of yourself as “just a mom.” God has given mothers the enormous responsibility and privilege of pouring the gospel into little boys and raising them to godly manhood. Thank Him for that and steward your influence well.

Boys are strange and wonderful little beings. There’s nothing like being a mom of boys to drive you crazy, drive you to your knees in prayer, and drive you to rise to the challenge of being a godly mom raising godly men.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Is it OK for Christian men to read Christian women’s blogs?

September 26, 2016June 8, 2019 Michelle Lesley

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As a man, am I not to read or seek to understand anything from your blog because a woman wrote it? (1 Timothy 2:12)

While other female bloggers might answer differently, as far as my personal position goes, the short answer to your question is no. Generally speaking, it’s not biblically problematic for a Christian man to read my blog because the blogosphere is not the gathering of the church body, and I’m not in any position of spiritual or practical authority over male readers (or even female readers for that matter). Additionally, when I write, I’m writing to instruct and edify women, not men. Male readers are sort of “eavesdropping” or “listening at the door.”

But I would encourage male readers to examine their motives for reading my blog. I have a number of godly male readers, including several pastors, who read my blog for a variety of reasons: they’re interested in a female perspective on various church and biblical issues, they want to use my perspective to better understand and help their wives or female church members, their wives or female church members read my blog and they’re keeping tabs on me to make sure those ladies are taught properly, they don’t have time to vet a certain Christian teacher, so they use my information on false and sound teachers as a resource, and there are those who are friends, whom I’ve asked to keep up with my blog so they can offer me correction as needed.

My thought is that any of those (or similar) reasons are fine and don’t even fall under the spirit of 1 Timothy 2:12, much less the letter. What I do feel would fall under the spirit of that passage would be a man seeking biblical instruction from me for his own personal walk with the Lord. For example- I run a Bible study for women every Wednesday on the blog, and the archives of my previous studies are under the “Bible Studies” tab at the top of this page. On my part, I’d feel scripturally uncomfortable if a man were using that as the basis for his quiet time rather than using something written by a man, or just studying his Bible. (By the way, if you’re looking for some godly male preachers and teachers, check the “Recommended Bible Teachers” tab at the top of this page.)

I guess the questions I would ask myself if I were a male reader are: What are my reasons for reading this? Is my motivation to receive instruction in Scripture that should really be coming from a male teacher or straight from God’s word? Is my conscience clear, based on God’s word, to go ahead and read this? How can I best honor God and His word in this situation?

I’ve written more extensively on this topic (and related topics) in these articles:

Adam 3.0: Meanwhile, Back in the Garden, It’s Deja Vu All Over Again

Are Female Bloggers Violating Scripture by “Teaching” Men?

Rock Your Role FAQs (#2)

Mailbag

The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?

September 19, 2016August 25, 2025 Michelle Lesley

How do I approach my women’s ministry leader, elders, minister of music, or pastor about the false teacher whose materials our church is using, whose music our church is singing, whose conference our church members are attending, etc.?

I’ve received this same basic question from scads of readers over the past few weeks. It’s alarming when your women’s ministry leader picks a Lysa TerKeurst book for the next women’s “Bible” study, or the elders promote Steven Furtick’s latest conference, or you keep seeing songs from Hillsong, Elevation, and Bethel in the order of service each week. You love your church and don’t want to see people deceived, but you also know that people don’t often respond well to hearing that the Christian celebrity they’re enamored with is a false teacher. What to do? How can we alert our leaders to the theological problems with a popular Christian personality?

1. Pray
I’m gonna beat this drum ’til the cows come home, because this is a concept we have got to get through our heads. God knows and loves your leaders and your church infinitely more than you do, and He is far more able to do something about the situation than you are, because He is able to change your leaders’ hearts and minds and open their eyes (which is usually what’s needed). You are not. Furthermore, He wants you to depend on Him to handle things rather than depending on evidence, your own persuasiveness, etc. You should already be praying regularly for your church and its leadership. When a situation like this comes up, pray long, hard, and continuously.

2. Remember why you’re approaching your leadership.
If you’re going at this from a “they’re wrong, I’m right” perspective or some sort of desire to “win” at this conflict, you need to repent. This isn’t about you. This is about the supremacy of God’s Word, the purity of His Bride, and the exaltation of His reputation. This is about loving your church so much that you’re willing to risk rejection and humiliation so that they won’t be deceived.

3. Memorize and meditate on these verses and use them as your guide when approaching anyone about false teachers/doctrine:

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.
2 Timothy 2:24-26

Remember, you’re the Lord’s servant, not some hot shot discernment Big Man on Campus.

Remember, you’re the Lord’s servant, not some hot shot discernment Big Man on Campus.
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Are you quarrelsome? Kind? Able to teach? Patient enough to endure evil? Able to correct with gentleness? That’s a good checklist for your heart and abilities.

Who’s going to grant repentance to the person you’re dealing with so she might come to a knowledge of the truth? You? Nope. God is.

Who’s the bad guy here? Is it the person you’re approaching? No. It’s the devil. He’s holding that person prisoner to deception. You’re not approaching an enemy to conquer. You’re rescuing a captive with spiritual Stockholm Syndrome.

You’re not approaching an enemy to conquer. You’re rescuing a captive with spiritual Stockholm Syndrome.
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4. Approach

a) Who should approach this leader?
Are you the best person for the job? Are there other willing and discerning church members who might be able to handle the situation better than you can? Sometimes you’re the only person for the job. In that case, ladies, remember your role in the church and at home. If you’re married, be sure you’re submitting to your husband’s leadership in this situation.

If the person you’re approaching is the (female) leader of the women’s ministry, Bible study class, conference coordinator, etc., it might be best if you go to her alone or with another discerning sister. It is usually best to approach this person first before going over her head to the elders or pastor. You want to win your sister over to the truth, if possible, not simply force her to change things because a superior tells her she has to.

If the person who needs to be approached is male, it might be best for your husband (or another discerning brother) to meet with him, or for you and your husband to meet with him together, with your husband taking the lead and you in a supporting role. Again, it’s usually best to approach the lower level leader, if any, before going over his head.

b) How should you approach this leader?
In humility, love, and all the other characteristics from the 2 Timothy 2 passage. And keep a few other things in mind too:

First, give the person the benefit of the doubt that she’s got good motives. She probably thinks the study she’s selected would help the women of your church or that the conference would lead them closer to the Lord. It’s usually not the case that the person is consciously trying to introduce anti-biblical material.

Second, keep ignorance at the forefront of your mind. Most people in the church today – even pastors – are completely unaware of the extent of false doctrine, or even what false doctrine is, or that the majority of the most popular Christian celebrities are false teachers. They think if you can buy it at LifeWay or if it calls itself Christian and sprinkles a few Bible verses around, it must be biblical Christianity. You must initially approach people with the mindset that they’re trying to do something good, but they they simply aren’t aware of the false doctrine that’s out there or that the person they’re introducing to the church is a false teacher. (This is where “able to teach” and “correcting with gentleness” come in).

Next, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and keep in mind that it’s hard to hear that a Christian celebrity you love is a false teacher. Give the person time to sort out all this new, and sometimes overwhelming, information.

Finally, be prepared for backlash. No matter how kind, gentle, and objective you are, the person may feel personally attacked and lash out at you. Don’t lash back. Turn the other cheek. Go the extra mile.

c) With what should you approach this leader?
The Bible and credible evidence. For every charge you bring against this false teacher, you need to bring credible audio, video, or print evidence of the teacher’s own words or actions and the Bible passages she is violating. (You can find this kind of evidence on many teachers at the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.) Don’t bring opinions, histrionics, unsubstantiated rumors, or out of context remarks by the false teacher. Bring solid, objective, incontrovertible evidence.

Don’t overwhelm the person you’re approaching with reams of material to read or long videos to watch. She might see how time consuming it will be and give up before going through any of it. Keep things concise.

Don’t attempt to address every wrong word, action, or teaching ever perpetrated by the false teacher. Go with a few of the most attention-grabbing, glaring, violations of Scripture.

Make sure your evidence is up to date. Focus on the false teacher’s most recent violations of Scripture, not something from 20 years ago that she has repented of (in which case you shouldn’t be bringing a charge) or backed away from. Recent evidence is also more compelling.

d) How should you leave things?
Reassure the person of your love for her and for the church. Ask if she has any questions, and make sure she has your contact information and knows she’s welcome to get in touch if she has questions or needs more information. If she’s open to it, make some suggestions of doctrinally sound materials, conferences, etc., that could be used instead. Don’t expect an immediate resolution to the situation. Give the person some time to think and pray things through and to go over the evidence you’ve provided. It might be appropriate to ask if you can touch base with her again in a few days.

Doing all of these things is not a magic formula that will guarantee the results you’re hoping for. In fact, going by the e-mails and messages I’ve received, I would estimate that about 95% of the time, you’ll be ignored or vilified as a hater or divisive.

Do it anyway. God may have placed you in that church to help it correct its course or to serve as a biblical warning to them. And, who knows? You might just rescue somebody.

Additional Resources:

How to talk to your church leaders about false teachers at A Word Fitly Spoken

Answering the Opposition- Responses to the Most Frequently Raised Discernment Objections

Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring it Out on Your Own

If you need to talk to a friend because she’s following a false teacher, the same basic steps and principles in the article and all of the resources above apply, but if you’d like to look at this as more of a friend to friend issue than a church member to leadership issue, you might like to give this episode of A Word Fitly Spoken a listen: Words with Friends: How to contend with loved ones.

If your minister of music (“worship leader”) is using music from heretical sources for the worship service, again, all of the same basic steps, principles, and resources above apply. You may find my article Why Your Church Should Stop Playing Bethel, Hillsong, Elevation, and Jesus Culture to be a helpful resource to share with him.

If the leadership at your church persists in promoting or using materials by false teachers and/or castigates you for objecting, the situation may become so untenable that you need to leave and find a new, doctrinally sound church. If so, check out the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page to find a doctrinally sound church near you and to learn the best way to leave your current church.