Mailbag – Page 63 – Michelle Lesley

The elders and pastor of my church have made it clear that they aren’t interested in my husband’s and my concerns about, among other problems, a new women’s study (by a false teacher) starting this month. He told me he would read the articles I sent him but that I was wrong. Is it OK to leave this church, and, if so, when? How long do we wait and not see change?

That’s a great question, and I’m afraid there’s no “one size fits all” answer. When a church begins slipping, biblically, and there’s a Christian in that church who’s wise and discerning enough to see it, God has put that Christian in that church to help biblically solve that problem, or at least to serve as a prophetic warning as to what God’s Word says about the issue and what will happen if the church does not correct its course.

Our very first priority in this situation is prayer. We must pray fervently for God to change the hearts of the pastors and other leaders, for wisdom to know how to best approach the problem scripturally, and for God to give us wisdom about how long to stay and when to leave. (For us married ladies, that decision ultimately falls to our husbands, so we need to be praying for them, too.)

When you’ve done what you can to help biblically solve the problem(s) and have consistenly been rebuffed (and it sounds like that’s about where you and your husband are with this church), it may be time to leave. It is perfectly biblical to leave a church that is embracing false doctrine despite scriptural warnings (Titus 3:10-11, Romans 16:17-18, 2 John 9-11, 2 Corinthians 11:12-15, Mark 6:11, Matthew 7:6).

Sometimes, God will make it exceedingly clear as to when you should leave because the church will ask you to leave or, in some way, make it impossible for you to stay.

It sounds like you and your husband have tried to help this church. Just continue to pray for your church and its leadership, and for wisdom (especially for your husband) about staying or leaving. Then trust God to direct you (Proverbs 3:5-6).

If you do end up having to leave, make sure you immediately begin your search for a doctrinally sound church to attend. No church is perfect, but we need to obey God’s mandate to be faithful members of a local body of believers.

Additional Resources:

The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?

The Mailbag: How to Leave a Church

Searching for a new church?

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: My wife has been invited to a women’s conference featuring a false teacher

September 5, 2016July 7, 2025 Michelle Lesley

My wife Amy* has a very good friend, Faith*, who is a big fan of a particular female false teacher. Faith has excitedly invited Amy to attend a Christian women’s conference headlined by this false teacher. I’ve told my wife about how dangerous this false teacher is, but she’s refusing to tell Faith about it and feels obligated to go anyway. What should I do?
(*Names changed)

I’d like to preface the answer to this question by saying that I don’t normally take counseling-type questions from men. I try to refer them back to their pastors, elders, or other trusted godly men for help, and if that’s not possible, I have a few godly male friends I turn to who can sometimes offer them counsel via e-mail. I do this in order to protect myself and the man from any temptation or appearance of impropriety that might arise from an exchange of e-mails/private messages, and because I think men do a better job of discipling men than women do, just like women do a better job of discipling women than men do (see Titus 2:2-6)

This time, though, my husband happened to be handy when I received this gentleman’s question, so I enlisted his services and we collaborated on the answer which follows.

13559041_1293402180700713_6171936886458828507_o_kindlephoto-12071229 — Scott and Michelle Lesley

First, you need to decide a) what would be best for your wife, spiritually, and, secondarily, b) what might best help Faith understand the problems with the false teacher. For example:

Is Amy biblically knowledgeable enough and spiritually mature enough to attend the conference with Faith and then sit down with her when it’s over and point out where the false teacher strays from Scripture?

Is Amy biblically knowledgeable and spiritually mature enough that Faith respects and looks up to her, and it would make her stop and think (and be open to an explanation) if Amy refused to attend?

Is Amy a new believer or spiritually immature and might be in danger of being deceived if she attends?

You are the spiritual leader of your home. You’re responsible for the spiritual well being of your wife and children and the direction they go. Ultimately, the buck stops with you, so you will have to prayerfully decide what’s best, talk to Amy about it, and hope she sees things your way. If not, you’ll have to “gird up your loins” and have the spiritual fortitude to lovingly put your foot down. She may not like it or agree, but Scripture requires her to submit to your decision.

If you have a question about: a well known Christian author/leader, a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: How can I be discerning about books?

August 29, 2016June 8, 2019 Michelle Lesley

mailbag

How do you evaluate a book (for instance if you know nothing about the author)? I have about half a bookshelf right now of books (both fiction and nonfiction) that I need to evaluate and I have no idea how to commence doing so. (The books range from children’s fiction to Bible study books and lots in between.)

A couple of the steps in this article would apply for any book: know your Bible and pray for wisdom as you research the book and author.

For Bible study, theology, or other non-fiction Christian books, I would vet the author pretty much the same way I described vetting teachers in the article. That will often be faster than reading the whole book. Also, go to Amazon and peruse all the other books the author has written. You might get a better idea of where the author stands, theologically, by reading all of his book titles and summaries. Many authors have an author page on Amazon, too. It’ll have a bio and customer reviews.

I don’t hold Christian fiction books to quite the same theological standard as non-fiction for discerning Christians who know their Bible really well (for example, see the section on Karen Kingsbury here). Some of them are really just clean “family friendly” fiction with the occasional cow pie of bad theology that you can “step over” as you’re reading, but some, such as The Shack are pretty egregious in their false doctrine. For Christian fiction, one quick “litmus test” that might be a possibility is to check out who’s endorsing it. If you flip to the back cover and see endorsements by a bunch of false teachers, it’s probably one to stay away from.

Asking around can help as well, especially with Christian books. Ask trusted friends if they’re familiar with the author or book and what they think of it. Join some theologically sound Facebook groups and ask about the book in the group.

For all books, another possible shortcut might be book reviews. Scads of bloggers review books. The key is finding bloggers and review sites whose opinions or theology you trust, and that may take a little time and effort. Tim Challies and Aaron Armstrong do a lot of trustworthy book reviews- mostly Christian non-fiction, but other genres on occasion. There are a lot of Christians on GoodReads that review all kinds of different genres. Finally, you might want to try a book summary web site like Books at a Glance. They’ll give you the “Cliff’s Notes” version of books.

If you go through all those “screening process” steps and still have books/authors you haven’t been able to vet, the only solution is to actually read the book and compare the concepts and statements in it to Scripture. Then you can write a review of it and post it on line for the next person who comes along wanting information about that book.

Let’s hear from you readers out there! Got a favorite book blog? A go to reviewer on GoodReads? Comment below!

Homosexuality, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Should Christians Attend a Homosexual “Wedding”?

August 15, 2016May 27, 2025 Michelle Lesley

“Should a Christian attend the wedding of a homosexual friend or loved one?”

No, Christians should not attend homosexual weddings.

Attending a wedding tacitly says that you are in favor of the union, and no matter how much you love the person, Christ calls us to love Him more and not participate in or give approval to sin.

Often, the reason Christians will give for feeling they should attend a same sex wedding is that they are afraid declining to attend will cause the couple to cut off the relationship with them, closing the door to any future opportunity to share the gospel.

But if you’re close enough to the couple to be invited to the wedding, shouldn’t you have already shared the gospel with them? Do you not trust that God can save someone, either immediately or in the future, from one instance of sharing the gospel? This person’s salvation does not rest on your shoulders. It can only be accomplished by the Holy Spirit, and only in His timing.

And whether you have or haven’t yet shared the gospel with the couple, what could your attendance at the wedding accomplish other than creating confusion? How can you support their “marriage” by attending the wedding and then turn around later and tell them they need to repent of this sin?

Additionally, attending the wedding sends the message to your children, family, church, friends, co-workers and others that you approve of the sin of homosexuality. We all have people watching us to see whether we stand with Christ or with the world. It’s imperative that we set a godly example.

Yes, if you decline to attend the wedding, you might lose your relationship with that homosexual friend or loved one. But Christ calls us to separate ourselves from the world and be loyal to Him even if it costs us everything- including those we love the most:

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
Matthew 10:37

Regardless of your motives for attending, it appears to others and to the same sex couple as though you approve of their sin.

The gospel divides. And Christians are always called to stand on Christ’s side of the divide. We do not celebrate the sins that nailed Christ to the cross.

Christians should not be helping people celebrate their sin. That is what lost people do. We should be sharing the gospel with them so they can get saved out of their sin.

And speaking of lost people who celebrate the sins of others, Romans 1:32 says:

Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

If it is an abomination to God for sinners to give approval to the sins of others, how much more abominable is it in His sight for Christians to give approval to the sins of others?

Additional Resources:

Basic Training: Homosexuality, Gender Identity, and Other Sexual Immorality

Should I attend the wedding of a gay friend or family member? by Denny Burk

Should Christians Attend Gay Weddings? Does It Matter Whether They’re Religious or Secular? by Randy Alcorn and Kevin DeYoung

Christmas Dinner with the Sexual Sinner at A Word Fitly Spoken

Pride, Pronouns, and Prodigals at A Word Fitly Spoken

Mailbag, Prayer

The Mailbag: What is Contemplative Prayer?

August 1, 2016June 26, 2021 Michelle Lesley

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What is contemplative prayer, and is it biblical?

Contemplative prayer, often called centering prayer, (and connected to sozo prayer and soaking prayer) is very much like a “Christianized” transcendental meditation (similar to New Age or Buddhist meditation). You are supposed to sit quietly, empty your mind, and repeat a biblical word or phrase over and over until you begin “hearing from God.”

Is this a biblical form of prayer? No, and it is also very dangerous. Many who have come out of this practice and churches or organizations which promote it (the International House of Prayer, or IHOP, and Bethel “Church” in Redding, California, are major proponents) report that contemplative prayer is much like being hypnotized and that it was an open door for demonic opression and even possession.

Our beliefs and worship practices are to be drawn from Scripture, and nowhere in Scripture are we told to pray like this. When the disciples asked Jesus how to pray, He did not tell them to empty their minds and repeat a mantra. He said,

“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Pray then like this:

“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.”
Matthew 6:7-13

Jesus taught us to talk to God using intelligible words, worshiping Him, repenting and seeking His forgiveness, and asking Him to provide for our needs. It is not His desire that we mimic a pagan form of meditation.