Mailbag – Page 53 – Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question. I also like to take the opportunity in these potpourrri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar can be a helpful tool!

I see many people on my Facebook news feed that are sharing innocuous or biblical sounding content (memes, Facebook posts, blog posts, etc.) from false teachers/ministries. I didn’t find an article on your web site and was wondering if you have already written one. I thinking it would be helpful to help share with others that it’s now necessary to understand the ramifications of sharing (boosting the author’s credibility, clicks, $, inadvertently sharing false doctrine or non-biblical philosophy, etc.)

I see the same thing in my Facebook feed, and it worries me for the people who, with the best of intentions, I’m sure, are following false teachers themselves and pointing others to false teachers by sharing those posts.

I have, indeed, written an article about this (it does pop up if you use the search bar, but you have to scroll down a ways to get to it since I wrote it a few years ago- sorry about that):

Four Reasons Why It Matters Who We Share, Pin, and Re-Tweet

What do you think of National Back to Church Sunday (NBCS)?

The concept is OK at the surface level, I guess. If all it is is a particular Sunday on the calendar when unchurched people are encouraged to go back to church, and churched people are encouraged to invite unchurched people to church, and churches are encouraged to find out why their supposedly churched members haven’t shown up for weeks, months, or years, I see no problem with the concept itself.

The problem comes when you move from the “on paper” concept to the actual churches that are participating and how those churches are attempting to get unchurched people in the door. If it’s a doctrinally sound church and the pastor says, “Hey- everybody invite an unchurched friend to come with you next week,” great. But we do not want unchurched people putting one toe over the threshold of an apostate or heretical church, and sadly, it appears as though at least some of the participating churches that have registered with the NBCS “Find a Church” page may fall into those categories. And if these “churches” are using unbiblical means and enticements to get lost people in the doors, that’s an additional problem.

The reader also included a link to encounter.com in her question. It’s clear encounter.com is in some way connected to NBCS, but I’m unclear as to how. The material on the “Invited to Belong” page is nauseatingly and blatantly seeker driven and man-centered. It’s all about how worthy you are rather than how worthy Christ is. There is no gospel presentation. Of the four people quoted, none are doctrinally sound Christians. One of the final sentences is a good summary of the whole page: “No church will be perfect, because no person is perfect, but we invite you to find a local church where you will belong.” Not a doctrinally sound church. Not a church that proclaims the biblical gospel. Not a church that preaches Christ and Him crucified. Not a church that teaches the Bible. It’s all about you, baby. If this encounter.com page is in some way NBCS’s mission statement or statement of faith, then I would certainly not recommend the NBCS organization.

I am looking for a solid but very simple Bible study for a loved one who struggles with understanding complicated concepts and words. Maybe even a kids study that is rich in theology. I was wondering if you had any ideas or advice on this?

It’s wonderful that your dear one loves the Lord and wants to study her Bible. Thank you so much for trying to help her!

Since you are a long time reader, you’ve probably heard me say that I don’t recommend “canned” studies, but that people should pick up the actual Bible and study it for themselves. In this case, may I suggest that might even be more important for someone like your loved one? I imagine that her poor reading skills may have made her more dependent on others in many areas of her life than she would like to be, and that studying the Bible for herself would not only be the best way to learn it, but would also give her a greater sense of confidence and independence. An “ownership” of her study of the Bible, if you will.

There are several good children’s and “easy reader” Bibles out there. I’ve suggested a few here: Children’s Bible Recommendations. You might wish to sit down with her and come up with a list of simple questions she can answer as she finishes reading a chapter, such as:

📖 Who is this passage about?
📖 What is the main idea of this passage?
📖 Why did God – the author of the author of the Bible Who says all Scripture is useful – put this passage in the Bible?
📖 What can I learn about God from this passage?
📖 Is this passage telling me to do/not to do something? How can I obey it?
📖 Is there something in this passage I need to pray about?

Or, if you like, you could suggest that she read one of the books of the Bible I’ve written a study on (out of her own, new, easy to read Bible), take some of the questions I’ve written and send her a simplified version of the ones you think she can handle.

And, perhaps you could be “on call” via phone or e-mail to answer any questions she might have about what she’s studying. What a great opportunity to do one on one discipleship with someone who’s dear to your heart!

Do you know of any good Christian homeschooling blogs?

I homeschool, so I’m asked from time to time about homeschooling resources, but to be honest, it’s just not something I really read about. I recently asked my readers to recommend some good, doctrinally sound online homeschool blogs and resources, and here’s what they suggested (Please note, I have not vetted any of these. You will need to do the research yourself to discover whether or not they’re doctrinally sound.)

✏ Family Renewal
✏ Reformed Homeschoolin’ Mamas
✏ Durenda Wilson (author of The Unhurried Homeschooler)
✏ Half-A-Hundred Acre Wood
✏ The Kingdom Driven Family
✏ Annie & Everything

I really enjoyed reading A Few Good Men and A Few MORE Good Men, but how come John Piper (or another pastor) isn’t included? Is he a false teacher?

Please understand that these two lists of godly male teachers aren’t exhaustive. Praise God, there are scores of preachers and teachers out there who faithfully teach and rightly handle God’s Word. I couldn’t list all of them if I tried, though I plan to add more articles like this in the future. These were just the teachers I was most familiar with at the time I wrote the articles. The mere fact that your favorite teacher doesn’t appear on these lists does not make him a false teacher, and I hope the articles don’t imply that (I don’t think they do).

John Piper’s books, sermons, and blog are mostly fine, and while I disagree with him on several points of theology, I certainly do not consider him to be a false teacher. But he’s not somebody I’m going to proactively recommend, either. Here’s how I’ve answered readers in the past who have asked me about John Piper:

While I consider Dr. Piper to be a generally doctrinally sound Christian brother and agree with him in many aspects of theology, he is not someone I proactively recommend for a few reasons:

1. Dr. Piper is a continuationist. I usually limit my endorsements to cessationists because I believe this is the biblical view of the gifts. (I do not consider otherwise doctrinally sound continuationists to be false teachers, however.)

2. I’m concerned about Dr. Piper’s associations and partnerships with false teachers (which violates 2 Corinthians 6:14-18, Romans 16:17-18, and 2 John 9-11). First he appeared to embrace Rick Warren when he interviewed him and invited him to speak at the Desiring God conference in 2010. More recently, he has been a featured speaker at events like the Passion conferences where he has shared the stage with Christine Caine, Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, and Judah Smith.

3. Dr. Piper’s complementarianism seems muddled at best. On the one hand he will go so far as to say that Christian women should not be drill sergeants (the Bible mentions nothing of the sort), yet on the other hand he joins in ministry with the aforementioned Caine, Shirer, and Moore who – in addition the the false doctrine they preach – all actively and unrepentantly violate clear Scripture by preaching to men. It’s quite confusing.

I’m not going to warn people away from John Piper as a false teacher, but I can’t, in good conscience, recommend him either.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Bible Study, Mailbag

The Mailbag: I love the Bible, but I have to force myself to read it

October 9, 2017March 12, 2019 Michelle Lesley

I am struggling with reading the Word. I find myself having to drag myself to it to dedicate time to read it, struggling against doing other things instead. I love the Lord with all my heart. I love His Word, LOVE everything about the Bible. I know that love for God’s word and hunger for it is one of the marks of salvation. I want to hunger for reading it like a baby hungers for milk. I want that passion for His word.

Please don’t tell me to check my salvation as I daily obsess about this to the point where my sister in Christ said I have an OCD about this. I hear about false converts and it scares me. An elder told me that you can do the unpardonable sin against the Holy Spirit and I thought that once I was saved I could not do that, that was the sin of unbelief. Now, I am sometimes scared to even think about the Holy Spirit, because what if I do that! Please take me Lord, before I would do that! Please help me.

This question from a friend of my Facebook page just reached through the screen and clutched at my heart. I’ve been right where this sister is now, and I know many of you have been there as well. If you would, take a moment to pray for her and any other Christian you know who’s struggling with this kind of anxiety in her walk.

The Unpardonable Sin
You cannot commit the unpardonable sin. No one living today can commit that sin. I don’t mean to sound harsh, as we all make mistakes, but I am appalled at your elder’s ignorance on this issue and what he said to you. It’s a very common question, and he should at least know a simple answer to it. I’ve covered it here: What is the unpardonable sin?

Check your salvation?
There is no reason for me to tell you to check your salvation, and it never entered my mind to do so. Lost people don’t ask God to take their lives lest they commit the unpardonable sin or worry about whether or not they hunger enough for God’s Word. Only saved people think like that, because saved people are new creations in Christ, with the mind of Christ, who desire to please Christ. Lost people can’t even understand the things of God because these things are revealed by the Holy Spirit, which they don’t have.

I would really encourage you to work through the book of 1 John (I’ve written a study on it if you’d find that helpful). John wrote this epistle to reassure believers. As he says in 5:13: “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life.”

Getting over the “hump” of reticence.
What you describe about dragging yourself to do your Bible study but then loving the Word once you get over that hump of reticence is absolutely, without a doubt, one hundred per cent normal. Pastors feel that way. Elders feel that way. Bible teachers feel that way. Every Christian, including me, feels that way at least sometimes. Usually several times a week for me.

That feeling does not mean you’re not hungering for the Word or that you don’t have a passion for it. Indeed, if you weren’t hungering for the Word with such a passion, you wouldn’t be so up in arms about feeling tempted to do something besides reading your Bible.

That feeling is not something lacking in your desire for the Word. That feeling is Satan tempting you to do anything rather than study your Bible. And the way you combat that temptation? You pray through it, pick up your Bible, and start reading – regardless of how you feel about it. Obedience is hard sometimes. But when you grit your teeth against that temptation and obey God anyway, that is a precious offering to the Lord. He doesn’t require that you feel all hearts and flower-y while you’re doing it. That’s you putting that pressure on yourself. This is battle. Fight. You obey and let God worry about your feelings.

“What do you think? A man had two sons. And he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ And he answered, ‘I will not,’ but afterward he changed his mind and went. And he went to the other son and said the same. And he answered, ‘I go, sir,’ but did not go. Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.” Matthew 21:28-31a

Peace be unto you.
God did not save you in order for you to spend your life in a state of fear and anxiety. As the Westminster Shorter Catechism says, “Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” Forever starts the moment you’re saved. God wants you to enjoy spending time with Him in this life just as much as He wants you to in the next.

Christ is the Prince of Peace and His desire is for you to be at peace with Him. He knows you inside and out and He still delights in you. It is safe to let go, relax, and rest in His love and delight. He is not going to let go of you. Here are a few Scriptures that may bring you some comfort and reassurance. Believe them. Trust Him. He loves you. Let that sink in and simply love Him back.

For the Lord takes pleasure in his people;
he adorns the humble with salvation.
Let the godly exult in glory;
let them sing for joy on their beds.
Psalm 149:4-5

Discernment, Mailbag

The Mailbag: My Discernment Is Distracting Me from Worship

October 2, 2017June 4, 2019 Michelle Lesley

Since discovering and learning more in depth about the vast amount of false teaching in the church, I now find myself questioning everything to the point that it has affected my ability to worship. We attend a very small, relatively biblically solid church, but when we sing, for example, a Hillsong song, I’m so focused on the atrocities of Hillsong that I am unable to enjoy the time of worship. How are you, with all your knowledge of current day church apostasy, able to overcome that knowledge and just enjoy all aspects of a church service? We are a body of mature believers, but even our little church isn’t perfect.

This is a dilemma a lot of us face at some point, so thanks for asking. I think the linchpin of your question – and my answer – is your last statement. Your church isn’t perfect. My church isn’t perfect. No church is perfect. It’s unreasonable to expect any church to be perfect, just like it would be unreasonable to expect your spouse or child to be perfect.

I’ve had to muddle through this question myself on more than one occasion at more than one church, and to be perfectly honest, many times I’ve done so with all the grace of an inebriated elephant on roller skates and the forbearance of an annoyed cat (or maybe just “a cat”). I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m what they used to call a “Type A” personality. Very task oriented. Workaholic-prone. High strung. When I see a problem, it’s, “Here’s the solution. Let’s implement it, like, yesterday. Get on board or get left behind. What’s next?”

Guess what I’ve learned? Most people aren’t like that. Or at least most church people aren’t. Or they aren’t like that about the same things I’m like that about. And you know what? That’s actually been good for me. God has used those situations as a tool in my sanctification, to make me more understanding, patient, and compassionate with others, just as I want them to be with me. Of course, He’s still got a long way to go with me!

So, having “been there, done that” here are a few suggestions and things to keep in mind:

✢ There’s such a thing as “cage stage” discernment. It’s when your eyes have recently been opened to false teaching/teachers, you’re drinking from the discernment fire hose, and you don’t understand why everybody isn’t as freaked out and on board as you are. Are you theologically right? Probably. Are you going to win friends and influence people with immersion therapy? Nope. There’s really nothing you can do about this phase of your life except to realize it exists and make a concerted effort to rein yourself in until you’ve mellowed a bit.

✢ Pray. I am convinced that one of the reasons God puts discerning people into churches that need a little (or a lot) sharpening in the area of discernment is for those discerning people to be warring on their knees every day for their churches, their pastors, their teachers. God can do more to straighten out the problems at your church than any human action can, because only God is able to change people’s hearts. You start praying fervently, and I guarantee you, over time, you’ll see God working in your church.

✢ Immerse yourself in the Word. If you know your Bible forwards and backwards, you’re not going to question every word your pastor says, or every page of that book your reading, or every lyric of every song because God’s Word will be “hidden in your heart,” and you’ll know whether what you’re hearing is biblical or not.

✢ If you’re married, discuss the issue(s) with your husband and make sure you’re submitting to his leadership. Likewise, if you’re a minor child living under your parents’ authority.

✢ Understand the nature of the average church member/pastor/staff at the average, reasonably doctrinally sound church. They’re just like you were before you found out about discernment. They’re not trying to introduce heretical materials into your church. They don’t want to follow false teachers. They simply don’t know any better. It has never occurred to them that something that labels itself “Christian” might not be biblical Christianity, because they’ve never been taught this. Should every Christian know these things and have at least a modicum of discernment? Yes. But we have to deal with things the way they are, not the way they should be.

✢ Meditate on and memorize this passage (and any others that are helpful to you about your situation):

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil,correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.
2 Timothy 2:24-26

This passage has been extremely helpful to me to remember not only how we do discernment work, but why we do it. We must be patient and compassionate. We’re attempting to rescue people with spiritual Stockholm Syndrome.

✢ Take action wisely, kindly, and patiently. Of all the things that are distressing you discernment-wise at your church, which one is the one that distracts you most or is most urgently in need of being addressed? Devote some serious time to praying about it, praying for all the people involved, and praying that God will make your heart Christlike about it: weeks, at a minimum. Maybe months. God may resolve the situation without you having to do anything about it.

As you’re praying there may be some participation adjustments you might wish to consider. For example, if the problem at your church was that the women’s ministry was constantly using “Bible” study materials authored by false teachers, you might adjust your behavior this way. If you cannot sing the Hillsong songs in good conscience, just stand (or sit) silently and respectfully with the rest of the congregation until the song is over. Due to a series of various circumstances a while back, my church had a female interim music director for several months. I could not, in good conscience, affirm that decision by my participation, so I did not participate in the music portion of the worship service during her tenure. I stood silently and respectfully and used that time to pray for her, my pastor, my church, and our future minister of music.

But if things don’t improve or seem to get worse, someone may need to talk to the person at the center of the problem. This article may be helpful in that eventuality.

✢✢✢✢✢

Discernment can be a difficult gift to grapple with. Stay on your knees, stay in the Word, and Christ will carry you through.

Christian women, Church, Complementarianism, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Should women give testimonies and reports, lead prayer and worship, read Scripture, in church?

September 11, 2017May 7, 2025 Michelle Lesley

I was wondering about having a female missionary giving a talk on her mission field in place of the sermon for that Sunday. Also we have had a female worship leader saying the prayer at the end of the service.

When we consider women’s roles in the church, it’s good to think about these “real church life” types of situations and how best to handle them according to Scripture. A couple of resources here at the blog that might be helpful to those thinking through these issues are my Rock Your Role series- especially, Rock Your Role FAQs.

There’s a lot to address in this reader’s question, so let’s break it down into several smaller questions.

1. Is it ever OK for another sort of presentation to take the place of the Sunday morning sermon?

Well, it’s not anathema or anything. The Bible doesn’t command a certain order of worship on Sunday mornings (for that matter, it technically doesn’t even command that we meet on Sunday mornings, but that’s a bucket of worms for another day), but as we read through the New Testament, it’s apparent that preaching and Bible teaching were the centerpiece of the New Testament church’s worship meetings. I think that’s a good example to follow.

I’m a little leery of anything taking the place of the Sunday morning sermon. If I were a pastor (which I know we’re all glad I’m not) I would probably consider scheduling special presentations such as a lengthy mission report, choir presentations, dramas, etc. during the Sunday evening service, the midweek service, or another day. If the mission report could be shortened to 10 or 15 minutes, perhaps it could take the place of other parts of the worship service, or the service could (gasp!) be lengthened a few minutes.

If the mission report has to take the place of the Sunday sermon, the optics of a woman giving the report are a little iffy, because it gives the appearance that she’s delivering the sermon. If a man could give the report, or if the pastor can at least take a teaching moment to verbally clarify to the congregation (for visitors and others who may not understand what the Bible says about women preaching) that the woman giving the report is not preaching or delivering the sermon, that would be helpful.

2. Is it OK for women to give mission reports or personal testimonies during the worship service?

(For the purposes of this question, I’m going to assume that whatever kind of mission work the woman is doing is in compliance with Scripture. Also, the reader did not ask about personal testimonies, but I’m throwing that in because the two are similar in nature.)

I don’t see why either would be a problem biblically, as long as she doesn’t veer off into preaching, exhorting, or instructing the congregation (which I have seen happen), because that’s the biblical prohibition, not that women are never to open their mouths in church. I once heard a pastor say that when someone is going to give his or her testimony in his church, he has the person write out what will be said and then goes through a “dress rehearsal” of the testimony with the person where he can offer advice or editing. This is a really good idea, not just because of women (and men) who tend to veer off into preaching, but to correct any false doctrine the pastor wasn’t aware the person held to, to keep the testimony from going too long, etc. This would work for mission reports too.

I would encourage women who give reports or testimonies to check in with your pastor well in advance and ask if he has any advice, parameters, or concerns with what you might say. Focus on the fact that you are giving a report on, or testifying to, what you have personally seen, done, experienced, or learned. It’s fine to talk about something God has taught you through His Word or read a verse you found helpful in your situation. What’s not fine is to turn things around and tell the congregation what they need to do, learn, think, or believe. I know we’re constantly driving home the point that when it come to church, the Bible, doctrine, etc., it’s not about you…it’s not about you…it’s not about you. In this case…it’s about you and your story – giving all glory to God, of course.

3. Should women lead prayers or read Scripture aloud (verbatim, no commentary or teaching) from the platform during the worship service?

(I’m throwing in Scripture reading even though the reader didn’t ask about it, because my answer is basically the same for both.)

I would discourage both for a couple of reasons.

First, while neither is technically a violation of the “letter of the law,” so to speak, in the times we live in where so many women and their churches are in rebellion against the biblical role of women in the church, having a woman lead prayer or read Scripture from the pulpit or platform may send a message – to visitors and church members – that your church doesn’t want to send.

If a visitor walks in and sees a woman leading in this way she could draw the conclusion that your church is egalitarian. If she’s looking for an egalitarian church and thinks she’s found one, you’ll eventually have to disabuse her of that idea, possibly months down the road after she has already joined the church. If a visitor who’s complementarian comes in and sees women leading in this way, she could also draw the conclusion that your church is egalitarian and get up in the middle of the service and leave before you have a chance to explain the situation. The same kinds of conclusions could be drawn by the members of your church with similar results, causing unrest in your church. Why put a stumbling block in front of your visitors or members?

Second, there seems to be a tragic dearth of male leadership in the church in general. So many men are either too lazy or too afraid to lead, or they see very few examples of what leadership by a godly man looks like. I think it would be great for the pastor to sometimes ask men who need to learn leadership skills to dip a toe in the water by leading a prayer during church, and at other times ask a spiritually mature man to model leadership skills by leading prayer during worship. Sometimes, these kinds of situations aren’t about women’s roles, but men’s needs.

4. Should women be worship leaders (lead the congregational music)?

(Let me just take a moment to say that my husband has been a minister of music for about thirty years, so I do have some experience in this area.)

No, women should not serve as the worship leader. The primary reason I say this has more to do with the position of minister of music – a term I think we need to get back to – than the role of women in the church. The secondary reason I say this is in #3, above.

Overseeing the music ministry of the church, selecting music for worship and the teaching of biblical truths, being in charge of half of the worship service, and leading the congregation in worship is not some inconsequential thing that can be shuffled off to any Tom, Dick, or Harry who happens to have a nice voice. It is a pastoral role. As the pastor shepherds the congregation through the exhortation of the preached Word, the minister of music shepherds the congregation through the worship, praise, declaration, and imploring of the words we sing. Preaching is when God speaks to us. Singing is when we speak to God. And we need a pastor to teach and lead us to do that biblically.

By biblical definition, women are not to be pastors or hold that kind of functional authority over men in the church. Therefore, women should not hold the position of minister of music or “worship leader” (singing in the choir or on the praise team, singing solos, playing an instrument, etc., under the leadership of the minister of music, is, of course, fine). By the same token, men who do not meet the biblical qualifications of pastor or elder should also not hold the position of minister of music. Placing biblically unqualified people in pastoral positions is not only disobedient to Scripture, it exposes the church’s low view of, and lack of reverence for the lofty act of worship.

Please read Scott Aniol’s excellent article on this subject: Who Leads Worship?

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Should Christian women serve as surrogate mothers?

September 4, 2017February 2, 2022 Michelle Lesley

I’m a single mom in my 20s with a small child. I know a couple who is having difficulty conceiving and was thinking about offering to be a surrogate for them. A donor egg will be used, so the child will not be biologically mine. This couple would only be “renting my womb” so to speak. It would mainly be to help them out, but the fee I would be paid would really ease the financial stress I’m under. Would I be sinning if I did this?

Infertility can be a heartbreaking experience. It is very kind and compassionate of you to want to help this couple out.

Whenever we’re trying to make decisions like this, the first thing we need to do is look at what the Bible says about it. The New Testament does not prohibit Christian women from serving as surrogate mothers. However, just because Scripture doesn’t mention something or specifically prohibit it doesn’t mean it’s permissible. We need to consider why surrogacy isn’t addressed in the New Testament.

If surrogacy had been addressed by Paul, Peter, or any of the other New Testament writers, it would have been denounced as sin, because in that time, the only way for a woman to become pregnant was through sexual intercourse, and sex with anyone other than her husband would have been sinful.

We do see instances of “surrogacy” in the Old Testament (Sarah, Rachel, Leah) in the ancient Middle Eastern cultural practice of a barren wife giving her maid to her husband. The child that the maid bore would then be legally considered the child of the husband and his wife. But, in this case, we have to remember that just because Scripture does mention something doesn’t mean it’s OK with God.

God did not instruct Sarah, Rachel, or Leah (or any other infertile Old Testament woman such as Hannah or Samson’s mother) to give their maids to their husbands to serve as surrogates. This was a cultural practice of the time that these women took it upon themselves to participate in without regard to whether or not it was godly. We also need to remember that these are descriptive (simply telling what happened) passages of Scripture, not prescriptive (a command or instruction we’re to follow – more on that here). Furthermore, we need to consider the context of these surrogacies: the maids had no choice in the matter, the pregnancy came about through a sexual act, the child the maid bore was biologically hers, and the maid continued to live in the same household with the husband, wife, and child after the birth, factors, most of which, normally do not apply to modern day surrogacies.

But there is one aspect of most surrogacies that the Bible does speak directly to in a prescriptive way: “You shall not murder.” (Exodus 20:13) Surrogacy is a legally binding contractual agreement between the biological parents and the surrogate, and most surrogacy contracts require the surrogate to agree to abort (sometimes called “selective reduction” or “termination”) any or all of the babies she is carrying at any time and for any reason the biological parents demand it. If that is the case in your situation, the Bible prohibits you from serving as a surrogate under that stipulation.

But even if that is not a requirement of your contract, there are still a couple of principles we can glean from these Old Testament surrogacies that you would do well to consider as you make your decision.

First, as with the Old Testament surrogacies, surrogacy today is a practice of our modern culture. It is not something God affirmatively instructs either couples or potential surrogates to do in response to infertility. The difference is that modern surrogacy does not involve a sexual encounter, so it may be considered as an option by Christians.

Next, even though the Old Testament surrogacies are different from modern day surrogacies in many ways, one thing they both have in common is that unforeseen problems and complications can arise and cause heartache for the surrogate, the couple, and others.

A great guiding principle in making this decision is found in 1 Corinthians 10:23:

“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

In other words, the Bible does not say you’ll be sinning by carrying this couple’s child, but is it the wisest and most godly thing to do in your particular situation? Think about some of those unforeseen problems and complications that could arise:

☙Women do still die in pregnancy and childbirth. What would happen to your own child if you died serving as a surrogate?

☙Many health issues (morning sickness, bed rest, etc.) come along with pregnancy and childbirth. How will these impact your body and your ability to mother your own child, who is your responsibility before the Lord?

☙Will the couple raise this child to know Christ? Could you, in good conscience, bring a child into the world you know will not be raised in a godly home?

☙Hormones run rampant during pregnancy and carrying a child brings with it strong emotions. What if you end up being emotionally devastated to give this child up?

☙What would happen if, during your pregnancy, the couple suddenly becomes unable or unwilling to fulfill their financial responsibility to you? Would you be able to absorb the loss or pursue legal action against them?

☙What happens if one or both of the couple dies in a tragic accident, or becomes direly ill or disabled, or the couple divorces, or some other circumstance occurs during your pregnancy which causes them to be unwilling or unable to take the baby?

☙What if, prior to birth, the baby is found to have a disability and the couple backs out of the agreement?

☙How will it impact your own child to see you give this baby away? Will he be fearful that you will give him away, too?

I would encourage you to enter into this decision-making process with much prayer, asking God for wisdom and searching His word for guidance. I would also encourage you to set up an appointment with your pastor for counseling on this matter, speak to some godly older women in your church who are mothers, and carefully examine the materials in the “Additional Resources” section below.