Michelle Lesley

Originally published January 22, 2021

Did you know there’s a permanent gospel resource here at the blog? Did you know you can share the gospel just by sharing a link to it? The presentation below is what you’ll find at the What Must I Do to Be Saved? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of the blog. Email it to your friends. Share it around on social media. Let’s get the gospel out to everyone who needs to hear it!

“Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”
And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved…
Acts 16:30b-31a

Are you like the Philippian jailer? Maybe you’ve never set foot in a church, but you’ve heard Christians talking about Jesus, and you’re wondering what it’s all about.

Or maybe you’ve been a decades-long member of an organization that calls itself a church but you’ve never heard the true, biblical gospel before.

Maybe you always thought you were a Christian, but lately, you’re not so sure.

Whatever your back story, you’ve come to the right place.

There’s good news and there’s bad news, but the bad news has to come first:

♦ You are a sinner (you have transgressed God by breaking His law).

Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned Romans 5:12

as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one; Romans 3:10

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23

♦ The penalty for your sin is an eternity in Hell.

For the wages of sin is death, Romans 6:23a

but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury. Romans 2:8

And if anyone’s name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire. Revelation 20:15

♦ You can’t escape Hell by being a good person, having a good heart, or any other effort on your part.

We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. Isaiah 64:6a

as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.” Romans 3:10-12

he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, Titus 3:5

But the good news is…

♦ Salvation (being forgiven for your sin so you can be in good standing with God) is a result of God’s mercy and grace, not something you can earn. It is a gift.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. Romans 9:16

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

♦ The gift God offers you is that, on the cross, Christ took the punishment you deserve for your sin. He will take away your sin and give you His perfect standing before God in exchange.

For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, 1 Peter 3:18a

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. Romans 3:23-25a

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

♦ The way you receive that gift and have Christ’s righteousness “credited to your account” is to repent from (have the heart desire to turn away from and ask God’s forgiveness for) your sin and trust that Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection paid the penalty for your sin.

[Jesus said] “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.” Mark 1:15

Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, Acts 3:19

In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, Ephesians 1:13

because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9

This is the gospel. Turn from your sin and from trying to earn favor with God by your so-called good behavior and throw yourself on the mercy of God, trusting Christ’s finished work on the cross to forgive your sin and make you righteous in God’s eyes.

That’s what salvation – or becoming a Christian – is. Adding anything to the gospel or taking anything away from it is not salvation or biblical Christianity. It is a false gospel. Believing a false gospel will not forgive your sin, make you right with God, or take you to Heaven when you die. Unfortunately, many people believe a false gospel and there are many people who claim to be Christians, pastors, and Bible teachers who teach a false gospel.

What are some of those false gospels?

If you’re basically a good person, or your good deeds outweigh the bad, you’re OK with God, and you’ll go to Heaven when you die.

If you’ve been baptized at any point in your life and for any reason, you’re saved.

If you go to church regularly, you’re a Christian.

If you participate in communion or the Lord’s Supper, you’re a Christian.

The reason we come to Jesus is to have a better, more comfortable, or more successful life.

The reason we come to Jesus is to get healed from a medical condition, because He will make us wealthy, or because He will do cool supernatural signs and wonders in our lives.

Simply saying you’re a Christian, or believing that you are a Christian, makes you one.

If you were born in America and you’re not Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, or some other religion, you’re a Christian.

If you believe in God, you’re a Christian.

If you give mental assent to the facts about Jesus (without repenting and trusting Him), you’re saved.

If, at some point in your life you repeated the words of a “sinner’s prayer,” “accepted Jesus,” or “asked Jesus into your heart” – even though you didn’t know what you were doing, and without true repentance and faith – you’ve been born again.

You can become a Christian without repenting from your sin.

You can believe in a “Jesus” of your own making, rather the one described in Scripture, and still be a Christian.

Are you a Christian? Have you ever felt the weight of your guilt before God and asked Him to cleanse you and make you right with Him? Do you believe and embrace that Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection satisfied God’s wrath against you for your sin?

The Bible says we should examine ourselves to discover whether or not we are truly in the faith. Take some quiet, undistracted time alone with God today and search your heart. What do you really believe? Is it the true gospel of Scripture, or something else? Don’t put it off, it’s too important. If you need some help, try working through my study Am I Really Saved? A 1 John Check-Up.

If you find that you’re not in Christ, talk to Him. Confess your sin and your need for Him to save you. Ask His forgiveness and declare your trust in Him.

Don’t wonder and guess any more about where you stand with God. Know.

Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. For he says, “In a favorable time I listened to you, and in a day of salvation I have helped you.” Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. 2 Corinthians 6:1-2

Once you’ve trusted Christ for salvation, or if you still have some questions, you’ll want to find and join a doctrinally sound church where you can sit under good, biblical preaching and teaching so you can grow in Christ. Check out the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page to find out what to look for in a church and to locate a solid church near you.

When you’ve found a good church, set up an appointment with your pastor to talk about being baptized. Baptism doesn’t save or absolve you from sin, but it is your first important step of obedience in following Christ. To learn more, read my article Basic Training: Baptism.

Podcast Appearances

Podcast Guest Appearance – Contending for the Word

June 18, 2025June 17, 2025 Michelle Lesley

It was such a pleasure, recently, to chat with my friend Dave Jenkins on his podcast Contending for the Word, in an episode titled Discipleship and Conviction in an Age of Compromise | Responding to Rebecca McLaughlin.

Listen in as Dave and I discuss discipleship in the church today, and those who are undermining it with progressivism, like LifeWay Women featured author and speaker Rebecca McLaughlin, Russell Moore, and others.

Be sure to check out Dave’s website, Servants of Grace, where you’ll find an abundance of great teaching, podcasts, and materials, as well as his social media links- and give Dave a follow!

Got a podcast of your own or have a podcasting friend who needs a guest? Need a speaker for a women’s conference or church event? Click the “Speaking Engagements” tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, drop me an e-mail, and let’s chat!

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Judge not?

June 17, 2025June 16, 2025 Michelle Lesley

Judge not lest ye be judged…

This was a reader’s recent response to one of my articles warning about a false teacher, and I thought I’d share and expand on my response to her here, because I know many of you, when you’ve said or posted things about false doctrine or false teachers, have had someone pridefully and self-righteously attempt to shame you and shut you up with a worldly twisting of these precious words of our Lord Jesus…

Some pridefully and self-righteously attempt to shame Christians and shut us up with a worldly twisting of these precious words of our Lord Jesus: “Judge not.”
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You know, Matthew 7:1 is a great verse, but it’s currently probably the most twisted and abused Bible verse there is. And this is one common abuse of it – defending false teachers.

If you weren’t sitting under false teachers like the one you’re defending, you might have an accurate and biblical understanding of what that verse actually means. Instead, you’re believing and using the world’s twisted version of it.

Matthew 7:1 does not mean Christians shouldn’t warn against false teachers.

Matthew 7:1 does not mean Christians shouldn’t warn against false teachers.
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If that’s what Jesus meant when He said that, He would have been contradicting Scripture, because there are many, many passages of Scripture that command us – and pastors in particular – to warn against false teachers and eradicate them from the church.

He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.
Titus 1:9

Titus 1:9 is the final requirement in the list of qualifications for pastors/elders in Titus 1. If a pastor does not rebuke and warn against those who contradict sound doctrine (i.e. false teachers) he is biblically disqualified from the pastorate.

But now I am writing to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is a sexually immoral person, or greedy, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Are you not to judge those who are within the church? 13 But those who are outside, God will judge. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.
1 Corinthians 5:11-13

False teachers – who claim to be brothers and sisters in Christ – are idolators (some of them are sexually immoral, greedy, revilers, drunkards, and swindlers as well) because they create a god according to their own liking, steal biblical names (like God or Jesus) for it, and teach people to worship their false god instead of the one true God Scripture reveals to us. Scripture clearly commands us to judge them and remove them from the church.

And the idea that Jesus would have contradicted Scripture is just silly and ridiculous. We know God doesn’t contradict Himself, or He would be a liar and would cease to be God.

The idea that Jesus would have contradicted Scripture is just silly and ridiculous.
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in the hope of eternal life, which the God who cannot lie promised from all eternity,
Titus 1:2

Furthermore, the Jesus who said “Do not judge,” in Matthew 7 is the same Jesus who tells us that we are to “judge with righteous judgment” in John 7.

Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.
John 7:24

In Matthew 7:1, as you can plainly see by reading verses 1-5,…

“Do not judge, so that you will not be judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with what measure you measure, it will be measured to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Matthew 7:1-5

…Jesus is telling us not to judge unrighteously (in juxtaposition to his admonition in John’s account to judge righteously) or hypocritically – in other words…

We’re not to judge others when we’re equally guilty of unrepentant sin.
We’re not to judge others for doing something we’re currently guilty of ourselves.
We’re not to judge others for doing something that’s actually biblical just because it offends our worldly, fleshly sensibilities.

Kind of like what you’re doing by unrighteously, unbiblically, and hypocritically judging me for warning against false teachers, which, again, is actually commanded and demonstrated by God in Scripture. How could I be doing something wrong when I’m doing what Scripture tells me to do?

When you chide a doctrinally sound Christian for warning against false teachers, you are the one who is unrighteously, unbiblically, and hypocritically judging.
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You might also notice that in the same chapter (Matthew 7) in which Jesus says “Do not judge,” in verse 1, He goes on to warn against – and judge – false teachers:

Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 So then, you will know them by their fruits.
21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, in Your name did we not prophesy, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name do many miracles?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’
Matthew 7:15-23

And that’s not the only time Jesus warned against, rebuked, or judged false teachers…

…beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” ¹²Then they understood that He did not say to beware of the leaven of bread, but of the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees.
Matthew 16:11b-12

And perhaps Jesus’ lengthiest, most scathing warning about and rebuke of false teachers is found in Matthew 23:1-36. Just a few choice excerpts since this is a long passage – here’s the warning to the hearers:

Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to His disciples, 2 saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses; 3 therefore all that they tell you, do and keep, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them. 4 And they tie up heavy burdens and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger. 5 But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men;
Matthew 23:1-5a

“They say things and do not do them…they do all their deeds to be noticed by men…” Huh. There’s that hypocrisy Jesus was talking about back in chapter 7.

Here’s the rebuke to the false teachers themselves:

“But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you shut off the kingdom of heaven from people; for you do not enter in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in…you travel around on sea and land to make one proselyte; and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves…You blind guides…For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence….you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. In this way, you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness…You serpents, you brood of vipers, how will you escape the sentence of hell?…I am sending you prophets and wise men and scribes; some of them you will kill and crucify, and some of them you will flog in your synagogues, and persecute from city to city, so that upon you may fall the guilt of all the righteous blood shed on earth…
Excerpted from Matthew 23:13-35

I’ve never warned against or rebuked a false teacher this sharply, but Jesus did. And we know He was right in doing so. But if you’re going to judge, criticize, and condemn someone like me who merely points out, in a matter of fact tone, how false teachers deviate from Scripture, and urges you, therefore, to obey God’s commands to have nothing to do with them, my goodness, what in the world are you going to say to Jesus about the way He warned against and rebuked false teachers?

If I’m wrong for saying, Teacher X is a false teacher because she preaches to men, teaches false doctrine, and yokes with other false teachers, and, therefore, I would not recommend you follow her, is Jesus wrong for calling false teachers “blind guides,” “whitewashed tombs,” and “brood of vipers”?

You’d best think on that lest you be hypocritical in your judgment.

The world has taken Matthew 7:1 and blasphemously twisted it into a club with which to pummel Christians who stand unwaveringly on the truth of God’s Word and, with Spirit-empowered courage, love sinners enough to call them to repent and believe the gospel, and love God, the church, and professing Christians enough to warn them against harmful false teachers and false doctrine.

The world has taken Matthew 7:1 and blasphemously twisted it into a club with which to pummel Christians, and, sadly, many professing Christians have followed the world’s example.
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To the world, “Judge not,” means, “Don’t you ever dare say anything that’s not 100% affirming of me, my beliefs, or my sin of choice. Always be nice. Never say anything that could, in any way, be construed as negative. If you do, you’ll suffer the consequences.”. And, sadly, professing Christians discipled by the world and false teachers have adopted this worldly definition of “judging” and wield it like a weapon to shame and shut up Christians who are obeying Scripture.

But as genuinely regenerated Believers, accurately handling the Word of truth and having it illumined to us by the indwelling Holy Spirit, we know that Matthew 7:1 cannot possibly mean that we are not to warn against false teachers, because…

Jesus didn’t contradict Scripture, and Scripture commands us to warn against, rebuke, and judge false doctrine and false teachers.
Jesus didn’t contradict Himself during His earthly ministry, saying “Don’t judge,” in Matthew and “Do judge,” in John and other passages.
Jesus Himself warned against, rebuked, and judged false doctrine and false teachers.

We know that Matthew 7:1 doesn’t mean, “Don’t warn against false teachers,” because: Jesus didn’t contradict Scripture, Jesus didn’t contradict Himself, and Jesus Himself warned against, rebuked, and judged false teachers.
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The question is not – why am I warning against false teachers.

The question is, why aren’t you?

The question is not – why am I warning against false teachers. The question is, why aren’t you?
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Additional Resources:

Answering the Opposition- Responses to the Most Frequently Raised Discernment Objections (see #9)

I Can’t Sit Down, Shut Up, and Play Nice

Addressing Objections to Discernment- Part 4 at A Word Fitly Spoken

Twisted Scripture – Part 2 at A Word Fitly Spoken

Does the Bible really say we’re not to judge? by Amy Spreeman

What does the Bible mean when it says, “Do not judge”? at Got Questions?

Thou Shalt Judge with Justin Peters and Todd Friel

Judge ~~Not~~ by Todd Friel

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Kitchen/Recipes

Cinnamon Rolls and a Recipe for Success

June 11, 2025June 5, 2025 Michelle Lesley

Originally published May 20, 2014

This article was originally published on a collaborative women’s blog I used to write for years ago. It wasn’t as narrowly focused as my blog is, on women’s discipleship, and one of the opportunities that afforded me was to try my hand at writing recipes.

Although I only published two or three of them, I enjoyed it. I like to cook and experiment with different foods and techniques. I like to collect existing recipes and tweak them until they’re my own. And sharing that with others is just plain fun!

When I originally posted this recipe for cinnamon rolls, it got a great response, social media-wise. People shared it on Facebook and Pinterest, the article itself got several comments, and it was even the most viewed post of the week on another blog that linked to it. It was awesome, and I’m so grateful to everybody who shared it.

But it got me thinking.

That recipe got tons more attention from Christian women than anything else I had ever written before about the Bible, salvation, or any other gospel-centered topic. In fact, recipes, memes and viral videos comprise a lot of what comes across my news feed. God’s word? Not so much. And, as a Christian woman, I had to stop and ask myself a question:

Reading, collecting, and writing recipes is fun. It can help me serve my family, friends, and church better when I cook for them, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with it.

But how much time am I investing in things like reading and sharing recipes or playing online games or watching TV or reading novels or any of the thousands of things we do every day that take up time but have no eternal significance? None of those things draw me closer to the Lord or train my children in godliness or feed my marriage or evangelize and disciple others or build up the body of Christ.

Am I spending too much time on fluff and not enough on the things that really matter?

Am I spending too much time on fluff and not enough on the things that really matter?
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We all need some down time. God made that clear when He set aside the Sabbath as a day of rest and worship back in Exodus 20:8-11. He doesn’t prohibit relaxation, He commands it and calls it good. But God’s ratio of work to rest is six to one. One day of rest for every six days of work. And as with so many of God’s other good gifts–food, money, fun, fellowship–my sinful flesh will knock things completely out of proportion in order to gratify itself.

My cinnamon rolls are phenomenal (just sayin’!) but only as an occasional treat. If they constituted a major part of my regular diet, I’d be very unhealthy. It’s the same way with what I feed my spirit. If I’m constantly feeding on mental and spiritual junk food, I’ll be a very unhealthy Christian. I won’t have the time or the desire to exercise by serving God and those around me. Worse, I won’t have an appetite for what is supposed to be the staple of my diet: the Bread of Life– Christ. But if I keep Christ as my main dish and all of my side dishes, snacks, and desserts in healthy proportion to Him, I’ll be fit and ready to take up my cross daily and follow Him.

And that’s a recipe for success, in God’s eyes.

If I keep Christ as my main dish and all of my side dishes, snacks, and desserts in healthy proportion to Him, I’ll be fit and ready to take up my cross daily and follow Him. And that’s a recipe for success, in God’s eyes.
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Saturday Morning Cinnamon Rolls:

Who doesn’t love a lazy Saturday morning? It’s a great day to lounge around in your jammies with the family and enjoy a relaxing breakfast together. These cinnamon rolls are a hit with my kids. They ask me to make them nearly every weekend. The great thing about them is that they don’t take very long to make and they also freeze well, so you can make them Saturday morning or in advance.

Ingredients:
4 c. baking mix (eg: Bisquick)
1 c. milk (add a little more once the dough is mixed, if you need it)
3-4 T. mayonnaise (Optional, but I’ve found that the rolls are much drier without it, especially when using skim, 1%, or 2% milk. If you leave it out, increase the milk.)
1/2 c. butter or margarine, softened
+/- 3/4 c. brown sugar
cinnamon
Icing (see below)
Yield: approximately 18 rolls

Preheat the oven to 425°. Combine baking mix, milk, and mayonnaise to make a soft dough. Dust your counter top (don’t forget to clean it first!) or pastry mat with baking mix and knead the dough for about a minute. (If you don’t have a timer but do have more than one child, just time it from when Child A wanders into the kitchen and asks, “What’s for breakfast?” to when Child B walks in and asks the exact same question. That’ll be about a minute.) Roll the dough into a large rectangle, approximately 14″ x 18″.

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With a rubber spatula, spread the softened butter over the dough, being sure to go all the way to the edges. Crumble the brown sugar over the butter, spreading it as evenly as you can (it may take a little more or less than 3/4 cup), and sprinkle cinnamon over the brown sugar. Make sure they both go all the way to the edges, too.

Starting with one of the longer sides, roll the dough up, jelly roll style.

(If you want to freeze the dough this is one good place to do it, especially if you don’t have much freezer space. Wrap the rolled up dough well in plastic wrap, or cut in half or thirds to put in gallon sized freezer bags.)

Slice the roll into pieces that are 3/4″ to 1″ wide.

These things will come out of the oven absolutely cemented to your baking sheet, so grease it up any which way you can. I’d recommend spraying a non-stick pan with cooking spray, putting about 72 layers of parchment paper on top of that, and then spraying the whole thing again. Seriously, they are VERY sticky, so spray your pan really well or use parchment paper. Lay each piece flat on the baking sheet* and bake until the edges start turning brown (about 10-15 minutes).

*(Here -before baking- is another spot where you can freeze the dough if you have room for a baking sheet to sit flat in your freezer. Instead of baking, just cover the unbaked rolls on the baking sheet with aluminum foil and freeze.)

While the rolls are cooling slightly (8-10 minutes) on the pan, make the icing. (If you put the icing on as soon as they come out of the oven, it will melt and run all over the place.) Depending on how many rolls you ended up with and how much icing you like, you might need more than one batch.

Buttercream Icing

Ingredients:
1/4 c. butter or margarine, melted
+/- 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar
1/2 t. vanilla
hot water

Whisk all ingredients together except for the water. Add the hot water a few drops to a teaspoon at a time to bring the icing to a stiff but spreadable consistency. If you don’t mind the extra calories (Hey, we’re already at about a scrillion of them– will a few more really matter?), soften up about half a block of cream cheese and beat that in there, too. (You’ll probably need to add more sugar and a little more hot water if you do.)

Spread the icing over the top of the rolls. (If you have any left over, just spoon it into a freezer bag or container and freeze for next time.)

Chisel them off the pan, and enjoy!

Mailbag

The Mailbag: You need to set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel…

June 10, 2025June 5, 2025 Michelle Lesley

Originally published May 17, 2021

A family member and I had a falling out…

I’m unequally yoked in my marriage…

We’ve got this situation with my husband’s ex-wife…

My adult child lives with us and has broken the law…

…what do I do? How do I handle all of this?

I hurt for so many of y’all facing difficult situations out there. Detailed situations. Complicated situations. Situations you desperately need some help with.

Situations I get emails and comments about that I deeply want to help you with, but I can’t, because it would be unbiblical and irresponsible of me to try to do so.

It would be irresponsible, because I don’t know you. I don’t know the situation or the other people involved. I don’t know the laws in your area. And, although I’m sure you’re all truthful when you write to me, I’m only getting your side of the story, so I’m not getting a complete picture of what’s going on. I could give you advice that might inadvertently prove wrong or harmful.

The first to plead his case seems right,
Until another comes and examines him.
Proverbs 18:17

It would also be irresponsible to my family, because my primary duty is to serve them. If I tried to spend as much time as it would take to properly counsel everyone who asks me to, I would be neglecting my family.

It would be unbiblical because there’s no “stranger thousands of miles away on the internet” role for me in the framework God has set up for Christianity. God’s framework for Christianity is the local church, and in that framework, if you need counsel, the person God has designated to be your first point of contact in most situations is your pastor, an elder, or a spiritually mature brother or sister in Christ.

Not only would it be wrong for me to try to usurp one of those positions, it would be robbing your church of the opportunity to shepherd and disciple you one on one, face to face, for the long haul. And it would be robbing you of the joy and blessings of being ministered to by your church family. When you and your church walk through a situation like this together, it strengthens your bond, grows all of you, and increases your joy in one another.

But I don’t have a church. I promise I’m not trying to pile on here, but I need to take this opportunity to drive home to everybody who’s reading this who has been lackadaisical or defiant* about finding a church: this is one of the reasons you need to find, join, and get plugged in to a good church. This is one of the reasons Scripture tells us that, for Christians, church is not optional and non-negotiable. That we’re to meet together more as the Day draws near, not less.

*”Lackadaisical or defiant” means lackadaisical or defiant. It does not mean, “I’ve been praying and trying really hard to find a good church, but I haven’t found one yet.”

Furthermore, being faithful to a local body can sometimes help prevent certain situations from happening in the first place because you’re getting good, biblical instruction, “training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age”. (Titus 2:12)

If you’re not currently a member of a church (or you are and you’ve stopped attending), you need to make that right immediately. Disobeying God’s command for us to gather isn’t going to help your situation, and obeying it can do nothing but help.

If you’re not sure where to look for a solid church, start praying fervently for God to lead you to one. Then go to the blue menu bar at the top of this page, click on Searching for a new church?, and start by reading the materials in the “What to look for in a church” section.

But I’m hanging in there, trying to effect / waiting for change at a church that’s operating unbiblically and I don’t trust my pastor to give me biblical counsel. Believe me, I know from first hand experience exactly what that’s like.

(I also know that many readers’ knee jerk reaction will be, “Well, you need to get out of there and find a different church.” I get that, and in many cases that’s the right answer. But in other cases it’s not. There are lots of different reasons why someone might choose to weather a temporary storm at her church, and immediately bailing out isn’t always the godly answer.)

What about your Sunday School or Bible study teacher? A spiritually mature friend who’s also hanging in there? An older lady in the church? Think about it and pray for God to lead you to the right person who can help.

If you can’t find someone in your own church, what about a godly friend who goes to another (doctrinally sound) church? Talk things over with her. If she feels like your situation is outside her wheelhouse, perhaps she would be willing to introduce you to her pastor and he would be willing to counsel you. You could even “cold call” a pastor at a doctrinally sound church in your area and see if he counsels “walk-ins” who are members of other churches. It never hurts to ask.

If all else fails, see if there’s a church in your area that has an ACBC certified Biblical Counselor (this is not the same thing as a “Christian counselor/therapist”) available for counseling, or explore my Biblical Counseling resource in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

But there isn’t a doctrinally sound church in my area. I know that for a few of you, this is true. You live in a remote area where there are no churches. Or, everything close by is Catholic, or NAR, or progressive, and the nearest semblance of a doctrinally sound church is five hours away. You’re willing to make sacrifices to attend church, but there just isn’t one to attend.

But I also know that for some, what this means is, “My ideal church isn’t located within a 15 minute drive of me.”

I’ve addressed these scenarios in detail in some of the links above, so, long story short: check every single church search engine at the Searching for a new church? tab to make sure you haven’t overlooked a good church within achievable driving distance, move, or look into church planting. And, above all, pray that God would provide you with a good church.

But for the purposes of this article, if there isn’t a doctrinally sound church in your area, many of the same suggestions above will apply: talk to a godly friend, Zoom with a solid pastor friend in another area, or visit my Biblical Counseling tab (linked above).

But couldn’t you just recommend a book for me to read that addresses what I’m going through? No, I probably can’t, primarily for the very simple reason that there are thousands of books out there on zillions of topics, and I haven’t read them all. And if I haven’t read a particular book, I don’t know if it’s doctrinally sound, and I don’t know if it adequately addresses your issue.

Additionally, while good books can be somewhat helpful in a general, “one size fits all” sort of way, no book is going to address all the specifics of your particular situation. But a one on one, ongoing counseling or discipleship relationship with your pastor or a godly older sister at church can.

Let’s (I’ve been guilty of this too) be careful not to fall into the subtle mindset of, “If I could just find the right book, it’ll be the magic bullet to solve my problem.” I can practically guarantee you, it won’t.

All of that being said, if your pastor recommends a certain (doctrinally sound) book while he’s counseling you, by all means, read it. If the friend you’re talking things over with says, “This book really helped me a lot in when I was in your situation,” go for it. As you’re pursuing one on one, face to face counsel in the context of your local church, go ahead and read up (I’d recommend anything from Grace to You, Ligonier, or anything written by the folks at the Recommended Bible Teachers tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.)

I’m not saying good books aren’t helpful. I’m just saying books alone aren’t a substitute for godly counsel from real, flesh and blood brothers and sisters in Christ. (See my article: You Don’t Need *A* Book, You Need *THE* Book)

Life can be hard and painful sometimes. God knew it would be, and He knows the best way to help us. That’s why He gave us the church.