Month: September 2025

Christian women, Complementarianism, Ministry, Sin

Women Preaching: It’s Not a Secondary Doctrinal Issue

Michelle Lesley

Originally published August 3, 2018

When it comes to Christianity, are the specifics of what people believe important?

I think most of us would answer a resounding “yes” to that question. Of course, the various concepts we believe are important. You can’t just believe anything you like and still be a Christian. There are certain things you must believe in order to become a Christian at all, and there are certain things you will come to believe because you are a genuinely regenerated Christian. But what are those things, and how do we know which is which?

You can’t just believe anything you like and still be a Christian.

Maybe you’ve heard the terms “essential doctrines” or “primary, secondary, and tertiary theological issues” or “first, second, and third tier levels of doctrine”? For years, theologians have been attempting to organize beliefs of the Christian faith – all drawn from the Bible, naturally – into nice neat categories in order to make things a little simpler. As someone who thrives on organization and categories, I’m grateful for their efforts. But if you begin to study this categorization of beliefs, you’ll find that we haven’t reached an across the board consensus yet.

Generally speaking, “essential”, “primary”, or “first tier” doctrines are those which you, biblically, have to believe in order to become a Christian and/or be considered a Christian. For example:

✢ Sin is a thing, and I am a sinner.

✢ God exists and is the supreme authority of the universe.

✢ Jesus was God in human flesh.

✢ Jesus rose bodily from the grave.

See how this works? If you don’t believe you’re a sinner, you’re not saved. If you don’t believe in the bodily resurrection of Christ, you’re not saved. Here’s how our friend, Pastor Gabriel Hughes, briefly outlines essential doctrines:

(Gabe later tweaked the acrostic a little and added an “S”, which I think is helpful.)

The vast majority of brand new Christians have only the most basic understanding of most of these tenets at the moment of salvation. But it’s not an issue of fully understanding – or else we’d all have to be theologians in order to get saved – it’s an issue of believing. Someone who is genuinely regenerated may not completely understand how the Trinity works (honestly, no one does), but when she’s introduced to the biblical idea of the Trinity, she believes it, learns more about it, and does not reject it.

There is typically agreement among most reputable theologians regarding what constitutes first tier doctrine. Scripture is clear about these things, and several of these issues were settled long ago by the church fathers in assorted church councils (Nicea, Chalcedon, etc.)

Secondary issues are routinely defined as non-salvific but still extremely biblically important, if not quite as biblically clear-cut as primary issues. Doctrines surrounding baptism (credo versus paedo, affusion versus immersion), for example, are usually cited as a secondary issue. A disagreement on a secondary issue doesn’t mean one person is saved and another isn’t, but it normally prevents close partnership in ministry activities involving these issues. For example, my Presbyterian friends and I can join together in pro-life ministry, but we would most likely not plant a church together.

Tertiary issues are non-salvific, less immediately urgent, biblical issues in which the Bible is even less clear-cut and open to wider (yet still biblical) interpretation. These are issues over which Christians can disagree and still maintain close doctrinal fellowship, even in the same church, if they’re in agreement on first and second tier doctrine. Eschatology – the order and timing of events at Jesus’ second coming – is a doctrine that’s often considered third tier. Someone can hold a different eschatological view than mine, yet, for the most part, it shouldn’t affect our ability to worship together, work together, or participate in the ordinances together in the same church.

Some theologians add a fourth category – issues of adiaphora, conscience, or Christian liberty. Usually these are issues of much less importance that the Bible either doesn’t specifically address, or doesn’t give commands about one way or the other. Individual Christians may use biblical principles to inform their consciences and decide for themselves. These would be things like whether or not to take your child trick-or-treating or deciding whether to dress formally or casually for church.

While theologians are largely in agreement about primary doctrines, there is wider spread disagreement on which doctrines are secondary and tertiary (many consider eschatology to be a second tier doctrine, for example) and whether or not there is a need for a category of adiaphora, since such issues are normally not considered to be “doctrinal” issues. In fact, there’s enough space for disagreement that pastors and theologians often wisely refrain from making concrete lists of secondary and tertiary doctrines.

But when we’re talking about the different levels of doctrine, what you won’t find is questions like these: Is murder a first, second, or third tier doctrine? What about gossip? Rape? Adultery? Lying? Gluttony? Pride?

And it’s not because these issues aren’t important or because the Bible doesn’t address them. It’s because they’re in a different category from the other issues: the category of sin. They aren’t doctrines upon which salvation hinges, they aren’t open to interpretation, and the Bible is clear that we are absolutely not to do these things.

The category of doctrine deals with beliefs. The category of sin deals with behavior.

In 2005, Dr. Albert Mohler wrote an excellent article about the different levels of doctrine entitled A Call for Theological Triage and Christian Maturity. He carefully explains the importance of each level of doctrine and what it covers in a plea to keep each level’s urgency in its proper place of significance during discussion, debate, and decision-making.

It was a helpful article to which I always refer people who have questions about tiers of doctrine, and I agree with Dr. Mohler’s thoughts in the article wholeheartedly1 …except on one point:

“In recent years, the issue of women serving as pastors has emerged as another second-order issue.”

Women serving as pastors, women preaching, women teaching men Scripture, and women exercising authority over men in the gathering of the Body is not a secondary issue. Nor is it a primary or tertiary issue. It does not belong in the category of “doctrine” in the same way baptism and eschatology do. It belongs in the category of sin in the same way murder, gossip, and adultery do. Let’s take a look at the reasons for this.

Women serving as pastors, preaching, teaching men Scripture, and exercising authority over men in the gathering of the Body is *not* a secondary issue. Nor is it a primary or tertiary issue. It is a sin.

I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 1 Timothy 2:12

(The preponderance of Scripture supports and affirms this concept, so to keep things simple, we’ll use this verse as an exemplar.)

✢ The prohibition in 1 Timothy 2:12 is a clear command against a certain behavior. And when we behave in a way God has prohibited, that is called “sin”. All of the tenets in the three levels of doctrine are affirmative statements regarding beliefs (you must believe in the resurrection of Christ, we believe in baptism by immersion, etc.). None of them are commands, in the negative, against sinful behavior (Thou shalt not murder, I do not permit a woman to teach… etc.)

✢ Secondary and tertiary doctrines can be open – to varying degrees – to biblical interpretation. Every stripe of non-heretical eschatological thought can provide you with chapter and verse passages that can, depending on the angle from which you approach the subject, be biblically plausible and scripturally supported. There is no biblical support for anything God prohibits. No one can cite a properly handled, in context Bible verse in which God says, “It’s OK to commit adultery,” or “Women are allowed to preach.” There can be multiple views on a secondary or tertiary issue that can all be considered biblical, but there can only be one view of sin that is biblical.

✢ Differing beliefs on true secondary and tertiary issues are not sin. My Presbyterian friends have a different view of baptism than I do. That doesn’t mean either of us is sinning. I may think their interpretations of the verses they believe support paedo baptism are incorrect, but they are not breaking any of God’s commands. Differing behavior (again, we see the distinction between doctrinal belief and sinful behavior) on issues of sin is sin. If someone behaves differently from God’s command about lying, she is sinning. If a woman behaves differently from God’s command in 1 Timothy 2:12, she is sinning.

✢ Differing beliefs on secondary and tertiary issues are not born of disobedience and rebellion toward God. Usually, it’s quite the opposite. When someone has studied a theological issue enough to hold a particular position on it, it’s usually because she is striving to please God and to be biblical in her beliefs. Differing behavior on issues of sin is born out of disobedience and rebellion toward God. Someone who steals has already decided in her heart that her desires are better than God’s command. A woman who knowingly holds improper authority over men in her church is doing so because she has already decided to defy God’s clear command against such.

✢ Because different beliefs on secondary and tertiary issues are not born of rebellion and are not sin, they do not require church discipline. Sin does require church discipline. If someone in your church is openly dishonoring her parents, she is sinning and should be subject to church discipline. If a woman is pursuing a career as a pastor, she is sinning and should be subject to church discipline. 

Since the publication of Dr. Mohler’s article (and perhaps as a result of others teaching the same thing) the idea of the violation of 1 Timothy 2:12 being a “secondary doctrine” has spread in a most unhelpful way, leading many Christians to treat the issue in a c’est la vie, “We can just agree to disagree on this,” manner.

No, we cannot.

The idea of the violation of 1 Timothy 2:12 being a “secondary doctrine” has spread in a most unhelpful way, leading many Christians to think “We can just agree to disagree on this.”. No, we cannot.

We would not say, “We can agree to disagree,” on lying or adultery or homosexuality or abortion, and we cannot say it about women preaching, teaching men, or holding unbiblical authority, either. We disciple and teach a sister in Christ who is unaware of what the Bible says on these matters, and if she is committing any of these sins, we begin the process of church discipline. But it would not be loving toward her, or honoring God, to allow her to continue in biblical ignorance or in willful sin.

Furthermore, the violation of 1 Timothy 2:12 brings with it dangers to the church that true secondary and tertiary issues, and even many sins, do not…

The violation of 1 Timothy 2:12 brings with it dangers to the church that true secondary and tertiary issues, and even many sins, do not…

She may not say it with her lips, but when a woman preaches to men in defiance of Scripture, she’s teaching false doctrine through her behavior. What is the false doctrine she’s teaching? “I don’t have to obey God’s Word, and neither do you. If there’s a part of the Bible you don’t like, you’re free to disregard it.” If your pastor stood up in the pulpit on Sunday morning and said that in words, you’d run him out of town on a rail, and rightly so. Neither should a woman be able to teach that same false doctrine via her actions.

Additionally, I have mentioned several times when dealing with this issue that women preaching to men is highly correlated with women teaching other forms of false doctrine. I have researched scores of women teachers. Every single one of them who unrepentantly teaches men also teaches false doctrine in some other aspect of her theology (usually progressivism, Word of Faith, or New Apostolic Reformation). In other words, if a woman teaches men, you can just about take it to the bank that she also teaches additional false doctrine. False doctrine and heresy are infecting the church – via female preachers – at an alarming rate.

We dare not simply “agree to disagree” on this.

The violation of God’s command that women are not to instruct men in the Scriptures nor hold improper authority over men is a sin like any other. It is not a doctrinal issue in the same sense that other second and third tier doctrines are. If left undisciplined, however, it can lead to first tier doctrinal issues infiltrating a church and eventually destroying it. It is detrimental to the church to label and treat any sin as a secondary doctrinal issue.

Additional Resources

Is Women Preaching a Secondary Issue? on A Word Fitly Spoken

What Are Essentials and Non-Essentials? on A Word Fitly Spoken

Christian Liberty on A Word Fitly Spoken

The importance of Primary and Secondary Doctrines on the Truth Be Known Podcast

1In the years since 2018, when this article was originally written, Dr. Mohler has said, done, and supported various biblically questionable things, leading some to question whether or not he has “gone woke”. While I don’t support his stance on those questionable things, I also don’t believe he has reached the point at which I need to warn against him (although I don’t proactively recommend him, either). To my knowledge, at this time, he is still generally doctrinally sound.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Is rebuking Satan biblical?

Michelle Lesley

Originally published August 8, 2023

I recently re-ran my article Five Words of Encouragement for Spiritual Warfare’s Battle-Weary Soldiers, which says of spiritual warfare:

“…when you unapologetically stand for Christ and the truth of His Word, you will not only face a full frontal attack from the world, you’ll also risk being stabbed in the back by those you thought were comrades in arms.

Dealing with and responding to those attacks – that’s what spiritual warfare is. Not this modern, ridiculous, NAR-inspired version of “binding” Satan and bellowing commands into the air as though you have the power and the authority to boss the devil around (Even Michael the archangel wouldn’t go there.). We’re called to be good soldiers of Christ Jesus, not the Commander.

As good soldiers in the Lord’s army (yes sir!) real, biblical spiritual warfare is being protected and prepared in the spirit to righteously and courageously walk out biblical truth on the battlefield of whatever tangible circumstances God has placed you in.”

After reading this, one of my Facebook followers had a question about spiritual warfare that I thought others might be wondering about, too. Here are her question and my (edited for The Mailbag) answer to her:

Can we, in Jesus’ name, order the devil out of our house?

Is it OK to rebuke Satan, order him out of your house, or even talk to him at all? No.

Is it OK to rebuke Satan, order him out of your house, or even talk to him at all? No. That is an unbiblical belief and practice of the heretical New Apostolic Reformation (NAR) movement. No passage of Scripture teaches us to do that, and it is not spiritual warfare as taught by the Bible. Rather, Scripture tells us:

Yet in like manner these people also, relying on their dreams, defile the flesh, reject authority, and blaspheme the glorious ones. But when the archangel Michael, contending with the devil, was disputing about the body of Moses, he did not presume to pronounce a blasphemous judgment, but said, “The Lord rebuke you.” But these people blaspheme all that they do not understand, and they are destroyed by all that they, like unreasoning animals, understand instinctively.

Jude 8-10

And the Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, O Satan! The Lord who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is not this a brand plucked from the fire?”

Zechariah 3:2

For context, it would probably be helpful to give the entire book of Jude a good study, but, simply put, “these people” verses 8 and 10 of Jude mention are basically the same sort of people you’ll find practicing NAR beliefs today. “Relying on their dreams,” rejecting the authority of Scripture, and blaspheming God every time they attribute false doctrine and fake “signs and wonders” to Him. People, who, in their spiritual arrogance, think they have the authority to bind and rebuke Satan, drive him out, etc., along with all the other typical NAR beliefs that go hand in hand with that – supposedly speaking things into existence, performing “miracles,” making “trips to Heaven,” and so on. That’s who verses 8 and 10 are talking about. Verse 9 provides a contrast to them, saying that even Michael, the mightiest archangel who stands in the very presence of God, would not dare to do such things. He left the rebuking of Satan to the Lord. The point of the passage is that, if Michael wouldn’t even rebuke Satan, then we definitely shouldn’t. That’s God’s place, not ours.

If the archangel Michael wouldn’t even rebuke Satan, then we definitely shouldn’t. That’s God’s place, not ours.

The simplest and best way to approach this issue is to keep all your focus on Christ and let Him deal with whatever you think might be the devil or demons.

If you find yourself in a difficult situation, or feeling tempted to sin, or feeling scared or whatever the case may be, God’s way is not for you to turn your mind to wondering if it’s a Satanic (or demonic) attack or what you should say to him to rebuke him. God’s way is for you to turn your mind completely in the other direction – to Christ. We know this because this is what the entirety of Scripture teaches. Pray and ask God to help you resist temptation, or not to feel scared, or to help you through the difficult situation. Praise Him. “Count your blessings” by thanking Him for all the ways He has blessed you. Worship Him and sing to Him. Memorize Scriptures that comfort and help you, and recite them. That’s what Scripture teaches us, and that’s God’s prescription for any situation you face. The rest of that stuff is just the false, unbiblical teaching of man.

If you’re in a church where Christians are “rebuking Satan” or constantly talking about it, and they’re not being corrected by the pastor and elders, the church you’re in is probably not doctrinally sound. I have never visited or been a member of a doctrinally sound church where this was an issue (unless someone asked about it to correct a friend who believed it or something like that), but I’ve visited plenty of wayward churches where it was an accepted or encouraged practice.

Not sure where your church stands? I would encourage you to go to my Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. Begin studying the “What to look for in a church” section, and see if your church matches up. If it does, great! I would suggest making an appointment with your pastor to get some guidance on this issue of rebuking Satan. If it doesn’t, you may need to scroll up on that page to the church search engines and begin looking for a new, doctrinally sound church to join.

Additional Resources:

Do Christians have the authority to rebuke the devil? at Got Questions

The Apostates’ Blasphemy at Grace to You

What Does Paul Say about Spiritual Warfare? at Tabletalk

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Christian women, Ministry

Mary and Martha and Jesus and Women’s Ministry

Michelle Lesley

Originally published March 11, 2016

You remember the story. Jesus comes to Mary and Martha’s house. Martha’s Pinteresting up the place while Mary sits at Jesus’ feet to listen to Him teach. Martha gripes to Jesus that Mary should help her and Jesus says no because it’s better for her to listen to Him than fold napkins into the shape of swans or whatever. Moral of the story- Martha needs to relax and not let other things distract her from Jesus.

That’s a good, true, and important takeaway from this passage, and one that we would all do well to heed.

But did you ever stop to think that Mary and Martha aren’t the main characters in this story? Jesus is. Jesus is the main character in every Bible story, so our primary focus should always be on Him: what He said and did and was like.

Did you ever stop to think that Mary and Martha aren’t the main characters in this story? Jesus is.

What was Jesus teaching that day at Mary and Martha’s house? The passage doesn’t tell us the topic He was speaking about, but we are privy to a very important lesson He imparted through the scenario with Mary and Martha. A lesson about the way God loves and values women.

Remember how women were generally regarded at that time? They didn’t have much more value than livestock, furniture, or a man’s other possessions. They were considered intellectually inferior, they weren’t formally educated, and their legal and social standing were often tenuous at best. They could not go beyond the Court of the Women at the temple for worship. There was even a traditional prayer Jewish men recited in which they thanked God for not making them a woman, a Gentile, or a slave. Women were low man on the totem pole, so to speak.

And that’s where we find Martha. She wasn’t doing anything wrong that day. In fact, in her culture, she was doing everything right. If anything, Mary would have been the one viewed as being in the wrong because the teaching was for the men, and it was the women’s job to bustle around taking care of all the hospitality duties. Martha knew this. Mary knew this. Jesus knew this. Everyone else present knew this. Martha must have wondered why someone hadn’t yet shooed Mary out of the living room and into the kitchen. So her statement to Jesus in verse 40, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me,” was probably not just, “I need another pair of hands,” but also a bit of, “Mary is forgetting her place. This isn’t what proper women do.”

Oh yes, it is.

Whatever else He might have been lecturing about that day, that was one of the lessons Jesus taught Mary, Martha, the rest of their guests, and Christendom at large.

Women aren’t second class citizens in the Kingdom of God. We are precious and valuable to Him. He has important, worthwhile work for us to do – His way – in the body of Christ. And He wants us trained in His Word in order to carry out that work.

How did Jesus teach that lesson?

First, He allowed Mary to stay and receive His teaching (39). (We see this echoed in God’s instruction to the church in 1 Timothy 2:11: “LET a woman learn…”) It hadn’t slipped Jesus’ mind that she was sitting there. He could have told her to leave, but He had no intention of doing so. Jesus wanted Mary there. He wanted to teach her and to have her learn God’s word from Him.

Next, when someone tried to take Mary away from hearing and being trained in God’s word, Jesus – God Himself – answered with a resounding NO. This “will not be taken away from her,” Jesus said. Mary, and Martha too (41), could arrange centerpieces or turn a cookie into a work of art any time or never. But this, the teaching of God’s Word, was urgent. Vital. Jesus didn’t want either of them to miss it by focusing on the trivial things they thought they should be pursuing.

And He doesn’t want us to miss it either, ladies.

Jesus pulled women out of the craft room and into the study. Is the women’s ministry at your church trying to pull them back?

Jesus pulled women out of the craft room and into the study. Is the women’s ministry at your church trying to pull them back?

Is the women’s events page on your church’s web site filled exclusively with painting parties, fashion shows, ladies’ teas, and scrapbook sessions?

Does your women’s ministry do canned “Bible” studies authored by women who offer nothing but personal stories, experiences, and false doctrine?

Are the Marys in your church who want to sit at the feet of Jesus and hear His word rightly handled and taught being scolded by the Marthas for not staying in their place and embracing the banality the women’s ministry is doling out?

Are the Marys in your church who want to sit at the feet of Jesus and hear His word rightly handled and taught being scolded by the Marthas for not staying in their place and embracing the banality the women’s ministry is doling out?

Is this it? Is this all women are good for in the church- fluff and false doctrine?

Jesus didn’t think so.

Let’s have our women’s ministries train women in the full scope of biblical womanhood. Let’s be serious students of God’s Word by picking it up and studying it like mature women. Let’s get equipped to teach and disciple other women who are babes in Christ. Let’s share the gospel with the lost. Let’s learn how to train our own children in the Scriptures and be the ones to raise the bar for what the kids at our church are being taught. Let’s roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty ministering to those who are ill, in prison, lonely, poor, elderly, considering abortion, experiencing crisis; who have wayward children, problems in their marriages, a parent with Alzheimer’s, or have lost a loved one.

Is this it? Is this all women are good for in the church- fluff and false doctrine?

Women are worth more and capable of more than the bill of goods they’re being sold by “Christian” retailers suggests. More than cutesy crafts and fairy tales masquerading as biblical teaching. Let’s put the “ministry” – ministry of the Word and ministry to others – back in “women’s ministry.”

Women are worth more and capable of more than the bill of goods they’re being sold by “Christian” retailers suggests.

Christian women, Church, Complementarianism, Ministry

Let Me Count the Ways: 75 Ways Women Can Biblically Minister to Others

Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 1, 2017

I recently heard someone remark that, among complementarian Christians, there’s a lot of emphasis on the things women can’t do, biblically, when it comes to ministry, but not much has been written about how women can serve in ministry without violating Scripture.

There are some valid reasons for that.

First, the false teaching of egalitarianism (women can hold any position in ministry that men can hold) is running rampant through the church, even infecting traditionally conservative churches and denominations. It is imperative that Christian men and women who have a biblical understanding of the role of women in the church continue to teach loudly, boldly, and relentlessly against this doctrinal error.

Next, there are so many ways women can serve the body of Christ without violating Scripture that it would be impossible to list all of them. The prohibitions placed on women in ministry are comparatively infinitesimal and, therefore, faster and simpler to dispense with. In other words, it’s quicker and easier to say, “Women can serve in literally any scriptural position or function of ministry in the Body as long as they’re not instructing men in the Scriptures or holding authority over them,” than it is to list every particular ministry women can participate in without transgressing God’s word.

But sometimes our brains get stuck and we need some specific, real world examples to oil the gears and get our own thought processes moving. Especially when we hit that mental roadblock of “Ministry equals only preaching, teaching, and leadership positions. Period.” That’s not all ministry is. In fact, it’s only a tiny part of ministry. God uniquely gifts His people in a variety of ways for a variety of services. And Scripture is very clear that all members of the Body are essential regardless of the role God has called us to. Jesus was the best preacher, teacher, and leader of all eternity, and yet the pinnacle of His ministry was not a sermon, a Bible lesson, or position of leadership. The most important act of ministry Jesus ever performed was to humble Himself and to give His life for sinners. Let’s make sure we think about ministry the way Jesus thought about ministry:

…whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:43b-45

Keeping that in mind, here are just a few of the ways women can freely serve God, their churches, and their neighbors without violating Scripture:

1. Pray for your church, your pastor and staff, your teachers and elders

2.  Teach a women’s Bible study or Sunday School class. (Remember, teaching isn’t the only avenue of ministry, but it is one of them.)

3. Teach a children’s Sunday School or Bible class.

4. Play an instrument in your church’s music ministry.

5. Sing in the choir or on the praise team.

6. Direct a children’s choir.

7. Run the Power Point for song lyrics during the worship service

8. Learn how to run your sanctuary’s sound system and board

9. Help set up and put away chairs for services or classes

10. Be the hero who gets to church early and has the coffee ready when people arrive

11. Serve as a greeter

12. Serve on the security or parking lot duty team

13. Serve in the nursery

14. Volunteer to help out in the church office

15. Serve as a chaperone for a youth trip, fellowship, or other activity

16. Open your home to traveling pastors or missionaries who need a place to stay

17. Volunteer your home for the next church fellowship

18. Organize a potluck dinner for your church or Sunday School class

19. Take some treats up to the church office during the week to encourage the staff

20. Serve in Vacation Bible School

21. Offer to help your pastor vet new Bible study and Sunday School curricula for doctrinal soundness

22. Go on and/or help organize a short term mission trip

23. Organize meals for a new mom or a church member who’s ill

24. Help clean the church kitchen after an activity or event

25. Visit hospitalized church members

26. Visit church members who are shut-ins or in nursing homes

27. Pick up someone who needs a ride to and from church

28. Nursing home residents often have no way to attend church. Organize a way for your church to take church to the nursing home.

29. Many people have difficulty attending church because they’re caretakers for an ill or disabled loved one. Set up a rotation of church members to be sitters so the caretaker can come to church.

30. Mow the church’s grass

31. Serve on a committee

32. Volunteer your IT expertise for the church’s computer system

33. Open your home to a college student who needs a place to live

34. Open your home to a woman in a crisis pregnancy who has nowhere else to go

35. Teach cooking, homemaking, or parenting skills to the younger women of your church.

36. Start an after school tutoring program at your church where kids get help with their homework and hear the gospel.

37. Volunteer at a Christian crisis pregnancy center

38. Organize and serve at a church work day (cleaning, painting, facility maintenance)

39. Donate money, gift cards, gas cards, or hotel vouchers to your church’s benevolence fund

40. Get trained in disaster relief and serve the physical and spiritual needs of those impacted by natural disasters

41. Serve in your church’s food pantry

42. Serve in your church’s clothes closet

43. Help organize fundraisers for missions, youth camp, disaster relief, church needs, etc.

44. If your church decorates the grounds for Christmas or other special events, lend a hand

45. Start a backyard Bible club (Bible lesson, game/activity, snack) at a park, apartment complex, school, or other gathering place near your church

46. Start a women’s prayer group with sisters at church

47. Organize a “mechanic ministry” – church members who can fix and maintain the cars of your church’s widows and single moms

48. Organize a “honey-do ministry” – same idea but for repair jobs around the house

49. Disciple a younger woman one on one

50. Invite new church members over for dinner

51. Be your Sunday School class’ secretary or fellowship organizer

52. Take food baskets to church members who are in need

53. Do baptistry duty (help those being baptized with robes, towels, etc.)

54. Set up a sewing or craft ministry, making items for the elderly, disabled, newborns, the homeless, or missions. This idea is one of my favorites (don’t forget to include the gospel, verbally or in print, with your ministry project items).

55. If your church is in a high traffic area, stand out front on hot days and hand out bottled water and tracts to passers by (be safety conscious). You can also put a sticker or label on the bottle with your church’s info or a web site that gives a gospel presentation.

56. Sit and talk – but mostly listen – to the elderly people in your church. You’ll minister to them, and they’ll minister to you.

57. Serve on your church’s wedding, funeral, or special event team

58. Volunteer to care for small children of wedding or funeral attendees in your church’s nursery during the event

59. Work in your church library, or set one up

60. Organize a Parents’ Night Out so church members with young children can have a couples’ night without the expense of a babysitter

61. Babysit your pastor’s children so he and his wife can have a date night

62. Clergy appreciation month is October. Organize gifts or other demonstrations of appreciation for your pastor, minister of music, associate pastor, youth director, etc. (Make sure none of your ministers are inadvertently overlooked.)

63. Teach an ESL (English as a Second Language) class to minister to church members and others who are learning English.

64. Write letters and e-mails of encouragement to the missionaries your church supports (send care packages too!)

65. Send texts of encouragement to your Sunday School class members

66. Start a birthday card ministry. Pray for each church member as you send out his or her card. In a year, you will have prayed individually for every member of your church.

67. If you’re a health care professional, volunteer to provide basic health or dental screenings to church members in need.

68. Minister to battered women at your local shelter by listening, sharing the gospel, and caring for their material needs.

69. Instead of Toys for Tots, organize a “Bibles for Tots” drive for Christmas. Give young readers Bibles to children at local schools, the mall, or a community event as a Christmas gift from your church.

70. Research and write a book about the history of your church.

71. Help set up for the Lord’s Supper

72. Do laundry duty. Take home towels and robes after baptisms, table cloths after church dinners, costumes after the choir’s musical, etc., launder them, fold them and return them to the church.

73. Go to the grocery store and run other errands for church members unable to do these things for themselves.

74. Run your church’s web site or admin your church’s social media accounts

75. Organize an abortion clinic sidewalk ministry team from your church

As I said, there are so many ways women can biblically participate in ministering to others that there’s no way to even think of all the possibilities. But I’d love to add more ideas to this list.

That’s where you come in!

What are some ways you, women at your church, or women you know at other churches minister to others without teaching or preaching to men and without holding authority over men in the gathered body of Believers? Leave a comment and let’s see how many more ways women can minister biblically!

Mailbag, Relationships

The Mailbag: Cliques, hospitality, and making friends at church

Michelle Lesley

Is there such a thing as a church without cliques?? Should I just give up and accept it? If so, what is the proper Christian perspective to handling the situation? After years in the same church and being very involved, I am still considered an outsider.

How do you navigate a cliquish church? When it’s challenging to form friendships, are cliques always the culprit? Need some tips for making friends at church?

I know your situation feels lonely and discouraging, and I hate for any Christian to feel that way in church. Let me see if I can help you, as well as others who may not feel very close to their brothers and sisters at church.

There are some churches (not all, and not even the majority) that are cliquish and unwelcoming to new members. What I’ve typically seen is that this is more common in small churches where most people have been long time or lifelong members going back several generations in their family, especially when that type of church is small and rural and doesn’t have a lot of turnover (new people joining, members moving away or moving to another church, etc.).

They’ve all known each other all their lives, they know all the stories, all the history, and all the inside jokes, and they’re comfortable the way they are. Bringing a new member in and getting her up to speed seems like a monumental task, and they’re relationally lazy, so they don’t put forth the effort to get to know new people.

Let me clearly say that if this is going on at any church in any Christian individual, it is wrong and sinful. Christians are to be hospitable and welcoming. It should be second nature to us.

Christians are to be hospitable and welcoming. It should be second nature to us.

Hospitality is required of pastors in both of the lists of pastoral qualifications (1 Timothy 3:2 / Titus 1:8), which means that if your pastor isn’t hospitable, he’s disqualified from the office of pastor. That’s how seriously God takes hospitality and your pastor’s role to lead the way in hospitality.

We see in 1 Timothy 5:10 that hospitality was such a vital trait of Christian character that it was a requirement for Christian widows to receive assistance from the church.

And then we have direct instructions to the church and Christian individuals to pursue and practice hospitality:

Let love be without hypocrisy—by abhorring what is evil, clinging to what is good, being devoted to one another in brotherly love, giving preference to one another in honor, not lagging behind in diligence, being fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, persevering in affliction, being devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, pursuing hospitality.

Romans 12:9-13

Pursuing hospitality is listed right alongside things like serving the Lord and being devoted to prayer, showing us it’s just as important as those things, and that it should be just as normative to the Christian life as those things.

Let love of the brothers continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers…

Hebrews 13:1-2a

“Do not,” or “Thou shalt not,” if you prefer. That’s a biblical command, not a suggestion, not an option.

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. As each one has received a gift, employ it in serving one another…

1 Peter 4:8-10a

Be hospitable. Just do it – and without grumbling – period. That’s also a command of God.

Christians are to welcome others because Christ has welcomed us. If you’d like to learn more about biblical hospitality, I welcome you (😀) to listen in to our two part A Word Fitly Spoken podcast episode, Hospitality- part 1 and part 2.

Christians are to welcome others because Christ has welcomed us.

If you’re a member of a church that’s sinning by refusing to be hospitable, set the example! (This is a phenomenal way women can lead in the church: by setting a godly example!) No, you don’t have to have any special “gift” of hospitality. Yes, it’s required of all Christians – just like any other biblical command – even if you consider yourself to be an introvert (like me). In fact, if you’re an introvert and God has opened your eyes – and seemingly your eyes alone – to the fact that your church is failing at hospitality, buckle up. God is probably about to kill two birds with one stone: sanctifying you out of some of your introverted tendencies and sanctifying your church into being hospitable.

How can you set an example of hospitality at church? (We also cover this in the podcast episodes linked above.)

Always get to church a little early and stay a little afterwards so you can mingle with everyone. Introduce yourself to people you don’t know. Take an interest in what they’re saying. Ask them questions. Ask them if there’s anything for which you can pray for them.

In addition to the fact that we’re supposed to be praying for one another anyway, this is a great way to connect more intimately with people. Ask how you can pray for the person you’re talking to. Pray for her all week. When you see her next Sunday, follow up: “How did the job interview go?” “Are you feeling better from your cold?” Whatever.

Sometimes you have to be the one to initiate a new relationship. When you make the first move to demonstrate that you care for someone, it can jump start her interest in you.

The lady who sent in this question and did a super job of stepping out and doing something else I’m going to recommend: get involved in church activities and serving. Like praying for one another, serving and investing yourself in the church is something you’re already supposed to be doing anyway. A great by-product of getting involved is that it’s a wonderful way to meet people and get to know a little about them – enough to know when you’ve clicked with someone and would like to pursue a deeper friendship with her. But involvement in church activities alone usually isn’t conducive to building deep relationships (especially if it’s an activity like, for example, choir, which doesn’t allow much time for chatting). It’s a springboard to pursuing a relationship with someone outside the church in a more intimate setting where you can focus on each other and talk. (Sorry if this is starting to sound like dating advice, but the dynamics are similar!)

Once you’ve met someone through mingling or a church activity, take the next step. Invite her out for coffee or to an activity you’ve found out the two of you both enjoy (a museum, pickleball, going to garage sales). Invite her family over for dinner. If your kids are the same age, plan a play date. Pray about it and ask the Lord to help you think of a good idea for a get together.

As you’re doing all of these things, set up an appointment with your pastor to discuss your concerns about the church’s lack of hospitality. It’s not just that you, personally, are having difficulty making friends. Maybe other members are, too. What about other Christians who visit the church and find it cold and unfriendly? Your church could be turning off potential new members. What about a lost person who visits? Will he stick around long enough to hear the gospel if he doesn’t feel welcome?

Hopefully, your pastor can encourage you and maybe even give you a few “insider” tips to making friends and setting an example of hospitality in the church. You could also ask him about the possibility of planning some fellowships, a women’s small group, or some other sort of event that would give church members more opportunities to get to know the entire church family.

Above all, pray. Pray that God would give your pastor wisdom about leading your church to be more hospitable. Pray for God to convict your church about its lack of hospitality. Pray that God would use you to set a good example of being warm, kind, and caring.

There are churches that are genuinely cliquish and unfriendly. Perhaps the Lord has placed you in one to be a catalyst for change.

Now, all of this being said, you* may think the reason you’re having trouble making friends at church is that it’s cliquish. But that might not be the reason. There might be another reason.

*”You” in general, not necessarily the lady who sent in the question.

(Now’s the time to put on your steel toe boots and lace them up tight, because, is it really even a biblical discipleship article if nobody’s toes get stepped on? Prolly not.)

That reason might be you.

You may think the reason you’re having trouble making friends at church is that it’s cliquish. But that might not be the reason. There might be another reason. That reason might be you.

I’m trying to spare your pastor, your husband, or your loved ones from being in the awkward position of being honest with you, yet unavoidably hurting your feelings: maybe there’s a thing or two you could improve about yourself that would make you more, shall we say, “friendship-ready”.

Let’s start with the easy stuff: your appearance. “Beauty is only skin deep! It’s what’s inside that counts!” Yeah, but the first thing people see about you is not your insides, it your outside. Why put up any unnecessary stumbling blocks on the outside that would deter people from getting to know what’s inside?

Now, I’m not saying you need a $5000 (Shot in the dark – I have no idea.) full body makeover. I’m saying maybe you need to pop a breath mint more often. Maybe a few more showers and strokes with the roll-on deodorant. Maybe on Sunday mornings you lose the green mohawk, nose spikes, and the face paint that makes you look like a zombie, and you present yourself modestly – in a way that doesn’t draw attention to yourself and scare everybody over sixty.

Look in the mirror at your “resting” face and see how much friendlier and more approachable you look when you smile. And when you get to church, smile and make eye contact with people.

Got any little weird idiosyncrasies like constantly cracking your knuckles or smacking and popping your gum? Give it a rest when you’re around other humanoids.

Take inventory, and, within reason, fix any minor thing that’s annoying or off-putting about your countenance and appearance.

Now about that personality of yours…

This is probably going to be a little more challenging because these are most likely things you habitually do that you don’t even realize you’re doing. (And look, we’re all in the same boat here. I’ve got a lot of stuff to work on, too.)

Be mindful of your facial expression and tone. My husband and I were discussing this just the other day. Apparently, both of us often wear facial expressions and use tones of voice that have nothing to do with what we’re currently thinking or meaning, and which are usually interpreted incorrectly by the other person. For example, to him, I might look mad when I’m actually worried. Or, to me, he might sound like he’s joking when he’s actually saying something kind and tender. (Hey, we’re working on it!) Married couples generally feel comfortable saying, “Why are you looking at me like that?” or “I wasn’t really crazy about your tone when you said that.” People you don’t know well at church generally do not. Get some help from your husband or a close loved one who will be honest with you and ask for his or her loving input about your tone and expressions.

Put others first when you converse. Don’t interrupt. Listen more than you speak. Don’t monopolize the conversation or verbally run over people. Don’t hold people hostage by talking continuously for long stretches of time or prolonging a conversation when the other person clearly needs to go. Keep up with the flow of the conversation – don’t keep changing the subject or commenting on whatever the subject was ten minutes ago. It demonstrates that you aren’t listening or don’t care what the other person is saying, you’re only concerned about what you want to say.

Your manner matters. Have a balanced sense of humor. Don’t be the person who’s always graveyard serious or can’t take a joke, but don’t be the person at the other extreme who makes everything into a joke. Don’t be constantly sarcastic, critical, cynical, pessimistic, complaining, impatient, or irritable. Don’t be hyper-sensitive and always getting your feelings hurt. Don’t be a stalker. Don’t be pathologically clingy. Don’t be the expert at everything, emphatically stating the only way to bait a hook, or which restaurant is the most authentically Italian, or what is the best perspective/method of infant sleep, in such a way that no one else can offer an opinion without appearing to be arguing with you. Don’t be that person who’s always unnecessarily correcting people, from their grammar to the details of the story they’re telling, to historical details, even their theology in most social situations. If you’re constantly “educating” people during casual conversations and a lot of your sentences start with, “Well, actually…” you’re gonna have to ask somebody to help you detox from being a nitpicking know-it-all (Take it from somebody who knows!).

Your manners matter. I’m starting to think Emily Post ought to be required reading for everyone with a pulse. Say please, and thank you, and excuse me, and I’m sorry. Be courteous. Be helpful. Let others go first. Offer others the best seat or the biggest piece of cake and take the lesser for yourself. Be punctual. Be gracious. Répondez, s’il vous plaît. Return calls, emails, and texts in a timely fashion. Dress for the occasion. Reciprocate. Do what you say you’re going to do. Be where you say you’re going to be. Keep your commitments.

Making friends at church can sometimes be tricky, whether it’s because of cliques and lack of hospitality, or because you’ve got a little personal renovation to do, but be in prayer and be Christlike, and leave the results up to the Lord.

Making friends at church can sometimes be tricky, but be in prayer and be Christlike, and leave the results up to the Lord.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.