Parenting – Page 3 – Michelle Lesley

Colossians: Lesson 6

October 12, 2016April 5, 2019 Michelle Lesley

Previous Lessons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Colossians 3:18-4:6

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. ¹⁹Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. ²⁰Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. ²¹Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. ²²Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. ²³Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, ²⁴knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. ²⁵For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

4:1 Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

²Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. ³At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison— ⁴that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak.

⁵Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. ⁶Let your speech always be gracious,seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Questions to Consider:

1. Refresh your memory on the main themes of Colossians so far, noticing how they build on one another:

Chapters 1-2- Here’s a correct Christology (who Christ is, what He did, and why)
Chapters 2-3- Now that you believe a correct Christology, you’ve died to the world and live to Christ.

Finish the theme of today’s passage:

3:18-4:6- Now that you’ve died to the world and live to Christ, here’s how to__________

2. Notice the structure of verses 3:18-4:1. Do you see a pairing, relationship-wise in verses 18-19, 20-21, 22 & 1? List the relationships (first word of each verse) in each of these pairs of verses. Whom does Paul address first in each of these pairings, the subordinate person or the person in authority? How might this emphasize the responsibility of the subordinate person to act in a godly way in the relationship?

3. Examine the instructions to the subordinates (wives, children, bondservants) in verses 18, 20, 22-24. How does Paul connect submission and obedience to earthly authority with the wife’s, child’s, and bondservant’s relationship to the Lord? Who are we truly serving and obeying when we submit to the authorities God has placed over us? What are the blessings of submission to authority? Examine the instructions to the authorities (husbands, fathers, masters) in verses 19, 21, 1. Does God reassure the authorities in the same way He reassured the subordinates? Is 4:1b (“knowing that you…”) a reassurance or a warning/example to follow? What does this say about the weight of responsibility those in authority have to act in a godly way? Compare this passage to Ephesians 6:1-9 to get a fuller picture of what God is saying here.

4. What does it mean to “continue steadfastly” and “be watchful” in prayer? (2) Paul again mentions “thanksgiving” in verse 2 (See question 5 in lesson 5, link above). Do you make thanksgiving a regular part of your daily prayer life? Why is thanksgiving such an integral part of the Christian’s life? What prayer request does Paul make to the Colossian church? (3-4) Think of all the other things Paul, in prison, could have asked them to pray for him. What does this tell us about his priorities? How could you pray verses 3-4 for yourself, loved ones, your pastor, missionaries, etc.?

5. Recalling that this is an epistle to the church, who are the “outsiders” Paul refers to in verse 5? How would you explain Paul’s instructions in verses 5-6 to another Christian? How do these instructions apply to the church? To individual Christians? Think of an “outsider” in your life who needs to hear the gospel. Give one specific way each that you could a) walk in wisdom toward this person, b) make the best use of your time with this person, c) use gracious, “salty” speech with this person, and d) answer this person.

Homework:

This passage and the Ephesians 6 passage I linked to above are (among others) often used by critics of the Bible to support their accusation that God is in favor of slavery. Is this true? Do some further study on the Bible’s stance on slavery:

The Apostle Paul and Slavery

Doesn’t the Bible Support Slavery?

Does the Bible Condone Slavery?

Mailbag

The Mailbag: How Can Christian Moms Raise Godly Men?

October 3, 2016June 8, 2019 Michelle Lesley

mailbag

How would you, as a Christian woman, raise a son to become a man in our modern effeminate culture? Obviously, fathers are ultimately responsible for this task (a woman can teach a boy many things, but she can’t teach him how to be a man), however, mothers do play a critical role.

This is such a great question. So great, in fact, that when I went to start answering it, I discovered I already had! Here’s an article I wrote for Kaylene Yoder’s blog last year: Six Ways to Raise a Godly Man.

godly-man

Boys. Aren’t they phenomenal? My husband and I have five boys ranging in age from 12 to 28. They’re loud, they’re gross, they’re physical, and I wouldn’t trade them for girls in a hot minute. While I love my daughter and the precious relationship we have as girls, I genuinely feel like God specially crafted me to be a mom of boys.

But boys will be boys, and girls will be girls, and sometimes, as “girls,” we moms need to think outside the pretty pink box of femininity in order to relate to, and rightly raise, these extraordinary creatures God has blessed us with. Here are six ways I’ve learned through the years to raise a Godly man.

1. Remember you’re raising boys.

Despite what you might hear from the scientific community, boys and girls are not the same except for genitalia. The way God wired them to see and relate to the world, think, react, and solve problems, is completely different from the way God wired girls to do these things. In 1 Corinthians 16:13, Paul tells the men of the church at Corinth:

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

There’s a certain way that men (and boys) act, and it’s not the same as the way girls act. God made them that way, and we must parent them like they’re boys, not anatomically male girls.

2. Make way for Daddy.

There have been so many times I have been tempted to baby my boys over bumps and bruises or give them a light scolding for disobedience. It took a lot of lip biting to stand out of the way while my husband told them to walk it off or got out the paddle for correction. But husbands know better than we do what it’s like to be a little (or big) boy. Point your boys to your husband as an example, and make sure you’re not getting in the way as they relate to each other “man to man”.

3. Tell them to take a lap.

One thing that moms often don’t realize about boys is that they are wired to need physical activity for their emotional, behavioral, and educational well being. Require them to sit still and be quiet for hours at a time, and you may have a son who gets that need for physicality out of his system by acting out behaviorally. God created boys with a need to run, throw, and hit, so honor His design by letting them.

4. Show them what a godly woman looks like.

They won’t be able to find a godly woman to marry one day if they don’t know what one looks like. Show them. Study your Bible. Pray. Repent and apologize when you sin. Submit to your husband. Manage your home well. Be hospitable. Serve your family and your church. Give them a gold standard to shoot for.

Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.
Proverbs 31:29

5. Instruct them, from a woman’s point of view, godly ways to honor women.

Because boys don’t think the way girls do, they need to be taught how women like to be treated by men. Boys tend to have an “every man for himself” mindset, so things like “ladies first,” opening doors for women, keeping bodily functions to themselves, and helping out around the house don’t always occur to them. They have to be proactively taught these things as a way of “serving one another in love” (Galatians 5:13).

(Oh, and by the way, they will never learn to keep bodily functions to themselves. Ever. Sorry.)

6. Realize the impact of your role in building godly men.

Samuel, Jesus, Timothy. Godly men, all. And every one of them had a godly mother – Hannah, Mary, Eunice – who raised them to love and serve God. Don’t ever think of yourself as “just a mom.” God has given mothers the enormous responsibility and privilege of pouring the gospel into little boys and raising them to godly manhood. Thank Him for that and steward your influence well.

Boys are strange and wonderful little beings. There’s nothing like being a mom of boys to drive you crazy, drive you to your knees in prayer, and drive you to rise to the challenge of being a godly mom raising godly men.

If you have a question about: a well known Christian author/leader, a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Parenting

Throwback Thursday ~ Homemade Catechism: 11 Scriptures for Real Life Parenting Situations

September 29, 2016May 5, 2025 Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 24, 2015

Catechism isn’t as widely used as it once was, which I think is a real shame. It’s a way of teaching doctrine and Scripture to children in a brief question and answer format. The child memorizes the answers and repeats them back to the teacher or parent when asked. Perhaps you’ve heard this question and answer before:

What is the chief end of man?

Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.

That’s from the Westminster Shorter Catechism, which you might enjoy working on with your children. But even if a formal catechism isn’t a fit for your family, God still requires us to train our children in the Scriptures. God tells the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6:6-7:

The Bible isn’t to be relegated to family worship time or church. We’re to saturate our homes and our lives with it. Ephesians 6:4 reinforces this thought in the New Testament, exhorting fathers to bring children up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Scripture is to inform every aspect of our parenting.

Teaching your children the Bible might sound like a big task, and it is, but, if you think about it, we already catechize our children in so many ways we’re not even aware of. How many times have you asked your child, “What’s the magic word?” or “What do you say to Aunt Margaret for the nice present?” It usually doesn’t take long for them to get the hang of coming up with the right answer.

So don’t be scared. If you’ll take things moment by moment, intentionally bring Scripture into the circumstances that come up in every day life, and explain how it relates to those circumstances, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your children will grasp and apply the verses you’re teaching them. And they’ll be learning the most important lesson of all: God’s Word is authoritative, and we are to obey it in every situation in life.

Here’s the informal “Lesley Family Catechism” that we have formulated and implemented over the years. Maybe with a few tweaks here and there, it would work for your family.

1.

Q: You’ve done ________ to disobey me. What does the Bible say about obeying Mommy?

A. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1

It’s hard for little kids to remember all the do’s and don’t’s in the Bible, so God made it easy on them. One commandment that covers all the others: obey your parents. (Colossians 3:20 is very similar.)

2.

Q: Hitting your brother is not right. What does Jesus say about how we’re to treat each other?

A. “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12

3.

Q: I know your friend was ugly to you, and that hurts, but what does God say about forgiveness?

A. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

4.

Q. God takes lying seriously. You cannot tell a lie and then when you’re caught, say, “I was just joking.” What does the Bible tell us about doing that?

A. Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!” Proverbs 26:18-19

5.

Q. You are a thirteen year old, not a three year old. What does the Bible tell us about acting childish?

A. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 1 Corinthians 13:11

This verse has been very beneficial with our teenage children, especially the boys. We have always emphasized to them that we are trying to raise them to be godly men.

6.

Q. You may have done the right (or wrong) thing, but what was the attitude of your heart? How does God see you when He looks at you?

A. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7b

It’s important for our children to understand that God doesn’t judge them merely by their external behaviors, whether they’ve tried hard out of love for Him and failed, or gritted their teeth and done what was right with a rotten attitude. This can lead to the incorrect understanding of the gospel that many people have today: “If my good deeds outweigh my bad deeds, I’ll go to Heaven,” or “Being a Christian is just being a good person.” God looks at our hearts, sees sinners in need of forgiveness, and offers us grace and mercy through repentance and faith in the shed blood of Christ for our sin.

7.

Q. What do you mean, you hate your sister? You have confessed Christ as Savior. What does the Bible tell us about Christians loving their brothers and sisters?

A. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 1 John 4:20

In the context of this verse, and the book of 1 John, “brother” doesn’t mean “sibling,” it normally means “brother in Christ.” Still, in addition to fellow Christians, we are called to love our enemies and love our neighbors as ourselves, so we’re to show brotherly love to all.

8.

Q. You’re doing an awful lot of complaining and arguing right now. What does God’s word say about that?

A. Do all things without grumbling or disputing, Philippians 2:14

9.

Q. I know that what you’re telling me isn’t true. What does the Bible say about lying?

A. Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight. Proverbs 12:22

10.

Q. You seem to be acting selfishly, pridefully, always wanting the first and best, and insisting on getting your own way. What does Scripture say about that?

A. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4

11.

Q. It seems like you flew off the handle in anger. What does the Bible say about that?

A. Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20

Working on memorizing these or other Scriptures with your children is a wonderful opportunity to teach them what God’s word means and to begin sharing the gospel with them at a very young age. And you’ll know it’s sinking in when you start hearing them say, “Mom, you’re doing ________. What does the Bible say about that?”

Parenting, Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday ~ Parenting: What a Child Wants, What a Child Needs

August 25, 2016May 6, 2025 Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 10, 2014

It’s a funny thing about parenting articles– they’re always written by doctors or psychologists or parents, never by the people being parented: the kids. I mean, think about it, if you were a waitress and you wanted to know how to serve your customers better, would you take advice solely from other waitresses, restaurant managers, and the guys at corporate? Wouldn’t you, at some point, want to hear from the people you actually serve regarding what they want out of a waitress? So how come we never ask our kids what they want out of a parent?

Well, I decided to.

My husband and I have five boys, ages 26, 24, 14, 12, and 11, and one girl, age 18. The two oldest boys are grown and out on their own, so I interviewed the four still living at home: my daughter and the three younger boys. They’re average kids from an average, church-every-Sunday-and-Wednesday, Christian family. My husband and I are imperfect parents who make a ton of mistakes, but we’re doing our best to raise them in “the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

The interview consisted of one question: What advice would you give to parents?

M (18 year old daughter) has spent the year since she graduated from high school teaching pre-schoolers at a Christian day care, so much of her advice is drawn from that experience. She has learned a lot about parenting that will help her to be a great mother some day.

Don’t be scared to discipline your child. Children need discipline, and that’s part of your job as a parent.
Kids are smarter than you think they are. Take the time to work with them.You’ll be amazed at how much they can learn!
Giving in to tantrums will ultimately make parenting more difficult because you’re teaching your child that tantrums work when they want to get their own way about something.
When considering names for your baby, imagine one of your adult friends introducing himself with that name. If the name doesn’t work for an adult, consider another choice. Also be aware of any acronyms or foul words your child’s initials might spell.
Never lie to your children to give them a reason for telling them yes or no about something. (For example: one of my children was constantly begging to go to the park. Her mother finally told her, “No, we can’t go to the park because it’s closed.” Naturally, a few minutes later, they drove by the park and saw plenty of people there. The child said, “I thought it was closed!”)
Before buying your child any DVD, watch it several times to make sure it doesn’t drive you nuts.
No child ever died from a dog licking him in the face.
A little sugar from time to time isn’t going to kill your child.

J1 (14 year old son) just finished eighth grade and isn’t interested in doing anything that taxes his brain during summer break. After we got past, “Mom, you’re the perfect parent! You don’t need any parenting advice from me!” (so he could go back to watching TV), here are the few gems I was able to extract from him:

Teach your kids not to be aggravating to other kids.
Don’t let your kids date too early.
Don’t force foods on your kids that they have either tasted and don’t like or think they won’t like.
Don’t make your kids write your blog articles for you. It’s pretty boring for them!!!

B (12 year old son) is a take charge kind of guy who would have gladly written this article for me (and probably would have done a better job!) He just finished the 6th grade. B says:

Give a thirty minute bed time extension with every birthday. (He calculates this based on a baby from birth to one year having a bed time of 6:00 p.m. A one year old would go to bed at 6:30, a two year old at 7:00, etc.)
Have a large Christmas budget.
Buy your kids go carts.
Take more vacations.
Don’t make things sound better or worse than they actually are. (“Mom, one time I was going to get some shots and you told me it would hurt really bad. I didn’t think it hurt that much.”)
Set a good example for your kids.

J2 (11 year old son) just finished 5th grade and lives life wide open with his hair on fire. He had lots of great 11 year old advice for parents:

Spend more time with your kids.
More bacon. Also, more junk food and cokes.
Let us do good April Fool’s tricks.
Mud fights whenever we want.
Let us run around the house nekkid! (That’s “naked” if you don’t live in the South.)
Don’t make your kids go to school.
Be less demanding and don’t criticize your kids.

Awesome parenting advice, no? Maybe my husband and I should just change all our rules around to fit what the kids want. After all, going back to our waitress analogy, the customer’s always right, right?

Wrong.

The Bible says in Ephesians 6:1 (a verse every child in our family memorizes as a toddler) “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right,” not “parents obey your children.” If we decided to become the parents they wanted, we’d have a bunch of naked, bacon-snarfing, go cart riding, uneducated pranksters who stay up until midnight.

The reason God gave children parents is so that we can exercise the wisdom, experience, and discernment they don’t have but so desperately need. As godly parents, my husband and I must listen to our children and take to heart anything that is wise or biblical (“Set a good example for your children.” “Never lie to your children.”) and say a firm “no” anything that isn’t (large Christmas budgets and living room streaking).

Because God has told us to train our children up in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), not the way they want to go.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Grandparents an Ungodly Influence on My Kids

June 20, 2016May 4, 2026 Michelle Lesley

My husband’s family is unsaved and over the years they have encouraged my children to ignore our teachings, rules and God’s word to the point of encouraging and helping them to sneak around. Our oldest son moved out (because he didn’t like our rules) and in with his grandma (who is not saved and we repeatedly asked her not to allow him to live with her) she encourages and allows drinking, pre-marital sex.

I also have two young children. I am struggling with having a relationship with people who have and do tell my children that the Bible is not true, they don’t have to follow the rules at our home and they may live with them so they can live their lives as they please. I don’t know scripturally how respond to this ongoing situation.

I’m so glad you want to handle this situation scripturally. As Christians, we should always go to Scripture first to learn what to do in any circumstance.

We need to start by remembering our heirarchy of responsibility. As Christians, our first responsibility is to love and obey Christ. As Christian wives and moms, our next responsibility is to submit to our husbands’ leadership. Finally, we are responsible for raising our children in a godly way. But we also want to love and honor our extended family, and that can be really difficult when they aren’t saved and have a pagan worldview.

It’s such a comfort to me to know that Jesus knew and addressed the fact that He would be a dividing line between people, sometimes even within families:

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
Matthew 10:34-37 (see also Luke 12:51-53)

But Jesus reminds us that, despite those painful divisions and our love for our family members, our loyalty to Him and His word must come first. It’s important to note that the God who said these words in Matthew and Luke is the same God who said in Exodus 20:12 (the Ten Commandments):

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

I think that might be your dilemma. How do we honor Christ in our home and still honor our parents who stand in opposition to Christ?

Let’s look at a few more passages, again, remembering that our first obligation is to obey God’s word. God has made it incumbent upon parents, particularly fathers, to raise our children to know His word and to walk in His ways:

You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul…You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 11:18a,19

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

Your children also have a responsibility to honor and obey their parents:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Ephesians 6:1

But while you’re raising your children in the ways of the Lord and training them to obey you, you need to make sure you’re not doing things that would make that difficult for them, because doing so will “provoke your children to anger” or “exasperate” them:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

Imagine how difficult it must be for a child – who already wants only to gratify his fleshly desires – to obey mom and dad’s instruction in godliness when mom and dad keep having him spend time with grandparents whom they love and who allow them to gratify those desires of the flesh. It would be difficult for an adult to be obedient in that situation of being pulled both ways, let alone a child.

In order to discover what God would have you do about your relationship with your in-laws, you and your husband will need to discuss what God’s word says about honoring his parents and raising your children in a godly way. Ultimately, as the spiritual leader of your home, the final decision about the relationship your family will have with his parents rests on his shoulders, and you will need to honor and respect his decision. As you prayerfully study God’s word and discuss things, you might find the following questions helpful:

Are our younger children being exasperated or frustrated in their attempts to obey Ephesians 6:1 when we have them spend time with grandparents who are encouraging them to disobey God’s word? Is continually exposing our children to their grandparents’ ungodliness putting a “stumbling block” in front of a weaker person?
Since we know God’s word does not contradict itself, how can we honor our parents (Exodus 20:12) even though they are enemies of Christ (Matthew 10:34-37)? Is there a way we can modify the way we spend time with them and/or the amount of time we spend with them so that we still have a relationship with them, yet minimize or remove the ungodly influence they have on our children? Does honoring our parents require us or our children to spend a particular amount of time with them? Is the situation so extreme that our loyalty to Christ demands that we sever the relationship altogether?
First Corinthians 15:33 says: Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Does it make a difference, biblically, if the “bad company” is relatives? Would we let our children spend time with people like this if they were not related to us?
Am I, individually, and are we, as a family, regularly praying about this situation and praying for my in-laws’ salvation? Are we sharing the gospel with them? Are we trusting God to answer our prayers and work through this situation?