Church – Page 8 – Michelle Lesley

Originally published October 30, 2017

There is a lady in my church who has become very involved in a certain form of parachurch Christian ministry. She is extremely gung ho about it and pressures church members to participate. She has also organized a conference, bringing in speakers from the national level of the ministry. The elders/pastors approved it, but there is some disagreement about bringing in outside speakers, charging attenders so much for tickets, and the fact that it is mainly drawing people from outside our church who are already involved in this ministry, not necessarily discipling our own church members, yet our church members bear the work of the conferences.

We, her friends, have watched her continue to insistently push this ministry agenda. She freely admits to being pushy and asks us to keep her accountable, but she continues to push and becomes frustrated when challenged. I have met with her one on one and discussed this, and she now avoids me. I guess my question is, is it right/OK for me to now keep my distance from her? Is it OK for a woman to push a ministry agenda in the church?

Every once in a while a situation arises at church that leaves you feeling like, “Church is great…except for the people.” I’ve felt that way many times over the years, and I’m certain many people have felt that way about me. Personality conflicts at church can be difficult to deal with, but they’re a great “homework assignment” from God that – if we approach them biblically – can help grow us and the other person in Christlikeness. Let’s take a look at some of the aspects of this reader’s situation.

Doctrinal clarity on the ministry:
I think the first question on the minds of many of those reading this article is going to be, “What kind of parachurch ministry is this?”. Because, if it’s a ministry that centers around false doctrine or is led by false teachers, that’s your answer right there.

I edited out references to the particular ministry the woman is involved in a) to protect my reader’s anonymity and b) because the reader assures me the issue isn’t the ministry itself, it’s the agenda pushing. I’m very familiar with this specific parachurch ministry. It’s doctrinally sound. The situation would be similar to someone getting very involved in pro-life ministry, for example.

Doctrinal clarity on the behavior:
From what the reader has described in her e-mails, the woman’s behavior, while annoying and possibly concerning, does not sound like it has reached the level of actual sin. The parachurch ministry is doctrinally sound, and she thinks it would be beneficial to her church. She has received approval from church leadership. It doesn’t sound like she’s being deceptive in any way or doing anything the Bible clearly prohibits; she’s just very excited about this ministry and wants others to be as excited and on board as she is. That’s not sin, it’s just off-putting to others who aren’t interested. We need to be clear on the biblical fact that just because somebody does something that aggravates us doesn’t necessarily mean it’s sin. And if it’s not sin, it shouldn’t be treated as though it were. (I’m not saying the reader is doing that, just a general concept all of us should be mindful of.)

Church leadership:
If this woman is bringing in conferences, speakers, and other events that utilize the church facility, she’s not doing it without the approval of the pastor and/or someone in leadership. What that means is, as much as other church members may not like it, the buck stops with the pastor/elders, and they have given their approval to the activities thus far. If they are having a problem with this woman being pushy with them, it is their responsibility as pastors and elders to sit down with her and put a stop to that. If the pastor/elders are aware of, and have a problem with ticket prices, church members doing all the work, and the other problems you mentioned, it is their job to address that. I understand your concerns, dear reader, and having dealt with people like this before, I certainly empathize, but if you insert yourself between this woman and the elders – regarding her pushiness with them or issues it’s their responsibility to address – you run the risk of becoming pushy yourself and stepping in where you don’t belong.

If you think the pastor and elders are unaware of pertinent information regarding this situation, talk to your husband about it, and pray together for wisdom as to if and how you, he, or both of you should approach them with the information, remembering that, as a godly wife, you need to respect and defer to your husband’s decision. If the pastor and elders receive the information and continue to approve the parachurch ministry conferences and activities, then your disagreement is with the pastor and elders, not the woman pushing the agenda.

Body parts:
You’ve asked if it’s OK for a woman to push a ministry agenda in the church. No, it’s not. It’s not OK for men to do so either. First Corinthians 12 compares church members to the various parts of the body. While “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,'” neither can the hand say to the eye, ear, nose, foot, mouth, etc., “You have to be a hand, just like me.”

It is absolutely fine to be excited about a ministry or a project at church and to invite and encourage people to participate in it, but crossing the line from inviting and encouraging to pressuring and badgering is not appropriate, biblical, or loving. It puts your brothers and sisters in the awkward position of either having to knuckle under and do something they don’t really want to do in order not to hurt your feelings, or having to say no and run the risk of hurting your feelings. It ends up making the decision to serve in a particular ministry all about you, the pushy person, rather than about whether or not God wants that person in that ministry at this time. And not only should we not be basing our decisions about whether or not to serve on pleasing man rather than on pleasing God, it is unloving and unkind to back a brother or sister into a corner, forcing them into a no-win situation. If you love your brothers and sisters in Christ, you’ll want them to serve because they’re convinced God wants them to serve, not because you want them to serve.

Woman to woman:
As far as your personal relationship with this woman goes, it sounds like you have tried to reach out to her and help her, which is commendable. We all have weaknesses, and it sounds like this lady’s weakness might be lack of self-awareness and social skills. Sometimes, no matter how gently and lovingly we approach someone about a personal issue, she will get defensive or avoidant. Maybe she just needs some time to settle down. People rarely stay at fever pitch about something forever.

Is it OK for you to keep your distance from her? Well, I don’t think you need to proactively pursue spending time with her, but I also don’t think you should avoid any of your normal church activities that would bring you into contact with her. And, of course, you should be kind and loving to her when you see her in passing. If she continues to press you about the ministry whenever she sees you, there’s nothing wrong with politely changing the subject or excusing yourself. And if she wants to know what’s going on, just kindly and lovingly be honest with her. For example: “Jane, I’m so glad you’ve found a ministry you’re excited about and enjoy, but it’s just not my cup of tea. Maybe we could talk about other things when we get together?”

Sanctification:
As I said in the beginning of this article, personality conflicts in the church aren’t easy to deal with, but if we submit to God and His Word in the situation, they can be very sanctifying.

When I have to deal with a Christian I find difficult it helps me to remember a few things. First, this is a sister in Christ, made in the image of God. God knit her together in her mother’s womb, breathed the breath of life into her, and bled and died on a cross for her sins just like He did for me. We are all sinners, and we all have various personality issues that sometimes rub others the wrong way. Second, for every person I run into who bugs me, there are probably a dozen who are bugged by me. I’m not any better than the person I’m dealing with just because I don’t bug people the same way she does. I also try to keep in mind that Jesus had to deal with a lot of difficult people during His earthly ministry. And, while I frequently fail, I do my best to follow His example of how to treat people.

The people we’re in membership with at our local church are our family. Every family has a crazy grandma or a know it all uncle or a cousin who constantly drops the ball. But we don’t just give up on family because they annoy us. Pray – daily and fervently – for those crazy, annoying, frustrating, challenging brothers and sisters at your church. Pray that God will help you love them the way they need to be loved. Consider setting aside some time to just sit and listen to them pour out their hearts. Many people act out simply because they feel invisible, lonely, and unheard. Be patient with them. Be kind. Do something unexpectedly generous and loving for them. Exercise forbearance. Find a way to help. Scripture after Scripture shows us it’s God’s will for us to love the unlovely, just like we want others to love us when we’re unlovely. This is one of the reasons why we’re in the church.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Discernment, False Teachers

The Perilous Parable of Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Tickle

October 2, 2024October 1, 2024 Michelle Lesley

Originally published January 27, 2013

Once upon a time, there was a college student who was majoring in engineering. Let’s call her Brie. (Why? No particular reason except that I’m hungry and I happen to like cheese. But back to our story.)

One of the pre-requisite classes Brie had to take for her major was calculus. Brie had heard about the various calculus professors at her university. Some were tough. Some were boring. A few had a reputation for being easy.

Brie knew she did not want to take calculus from Dr. Shepherd. Although she had some friends who had taken his class and really seemed to know their stuff, calculaically speaking, they had told her that he demanded excellence of his students, had a no qualms about flunking students who weren’t trying and didn’t know the material, and gave regular—and challenging— homework and tests.

Brie was leaning more towards Dr. Tickle. Everybody said she was really nice and cared warmly for her students. She wasn’t a stickler about deadlines for assignments, taught in a funny and entertaining way, and –most importantly for Brie—didn’t believe in tests. Brie hated tests.

All of the sections of Dr. Tickle’s classes usually filled up quickly, so Brie wasted no time registering, and, happily, secured a spot. She knew she’d made the right choice when, on the first day of class, Dr. Tickle started the lesson off with a one woman skit. She filled the rest of the class period with jokes and inspiring personal stories about her own days as an engineering major. No formulas. No notes. They didn’t even crack the spines on their new text books. Brie felt completely at home and comfortable in Dr. Tickle’s class.

About half way through the semester, Brie was regaling her friend, Tess, with a joke Dr. Tickle had told in class that day. Tess giggled at the punch line, but then her brow furrowed.

“Wow, you’re really taking Dr. Tickle for calculus?” Tess asked.

“Sure,” replied Brie, “I love her class. Why?”

“Well, I took her calculus class for a few weeks. Dr. Tickle didn’t really teach much actual math. And even when she did teach us a little bit about how to work some of the problems, I checked my notes against the book, and she had completely botched it. She had left out parts of the formulas, and some of the other things she taught us were the exact opposite of what the book said. If I had stayed in her class, I wouldn’t have a clue as to what’s going on in the upper level classes I’m taking now. In fact, I probably wouldn’t even be graduating. I’d really recommend that you drop Dr. Tickle’s class and take calculus from a good professor who knows what he’s doing. I took Dr. Shepherd’s class. He’s tough, but he’s a great teacher.”

“What?!?! How can you say that about Dr. Tickle? I leave her class every day feeling great about calculus! Not once has she ever made me feel uncomfortable or stressed about my calculations. She’s so understanding and kind, and I love the fun way she teaches. I thought you were my friend, Tess, and I thought you were a nice person, too. How could you say such mean things about Dr. Tickle?

“I am your friend, Brie! I want you to be able to understand calculus properly so you’ll do well in the tougher classes that come later. I want to see you graduate with high marks and become a great engineer. I’m trying to help you!”

“Well, I think Dr. Tickle is a great teacher, and I really enjoy her class,” Brie responded coolly, “We’ll just have to agree to disagree.”

There are Dr. Shepherds and Dr. Tickles on church campuses, too. God has not called pastors to stand in the pulpit and tickle your ears with jokes and stories. Nor has He called them to make the Bible and his sermons all about you and your self esteem, your dreams, your health, or your lust for material things. God has called pastors to:

preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths. But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.
2 Timothy 4:2-5

If you have a Tess in your life who is warning you that a pastor, teacher, or author you’re following is a false teacher, don’t react like Brie did. What if your friend is right? Do you really want to follow a wolf in shepherd’s clothing, or do you want to follow a Dr. Shepherd who will give you the truth of God’s word even if it’s difficult? Check him out. Where? Here are some resources:

Clinging to the Golden Calf: 7 Godly Responses When Someone Says You’re Following a False Teacher

Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring it Out on Your Own

Church, Sin

Dis. Grace.: Responding Biblically to Church Scandal

September 19, 2024September 19, 2024 Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 30, 2015

In light of the recent news about Steve Lawson, I thought it might be helpful to re-run this article. I will be removing Dr. Lawson from my list of recommended Bible teachers forthwith.

No, this is not a rumor. No, nothing has been hacked. Yes, this has been confirmed by (and was announced by) his own church. Sadly, it is true.:

It happened again last week. Another scandal. Another high profile pastor stepping down from the ministry in disgrace. Another family broken. Another church stunned and bereft.

And it’s not just the money grubbing televangelists anymore, either. This was one of the theological good guys. Sadly, pastors and Christian leaders – both those in the public eye and those right around the corner – seem to be dropping like flies these days. Adultery. Financial sin. Pornography. Abuse. Fraud. The list of sinful behavior goes on and on, leaving a wake of destruction in its path and giving Christ and His bride a black eye in the process.

So, what is the biblical response to scandals like these for Joe and Jane Christian? We view the situation through the lenses of Romans 8:28:

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

How can God use this scandal, awful as it is, for my good and the good of my brothers and sisters in Christ? It’s an opportunity to learn, teach, and minister in so many ways:

Fully grasp the destructive power of sin…

Imagine the agony the pastor’s sin is creating in so many lives. What must his wife be going through? His children? His church? What about his own relationship with God? What about the lost people he was trying to win to Christ? What about the fact that his career may be over and he may lose his house?

It’s been said that sin destroys completely and completely destroys. It’s a good time to reflect on the fact that sin is not something to be trifled with. Count the cost. Would it be worth it to you to commit the same sin in your own life?

Realize your need for Christ…

“There, but for the grace of God, go I.” “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” (1 Corinthians 10:12) “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’re better or holier than the person who sinned, therefore, you would never do what he did. Instead, let his sin push you towards the cross, realizing that you’re just as weak and susceptible to temptation as he is. Let it amp up your prayer life and drive you to cling to Christ and His word lest you fall into sin.

Dive into God’s word…

What does the Bible say about the sin in question? Learn what God’s word says. Apply it to your life, your work, or your marriage. Teach it to your children. Share it with those in your circle of influence. Build up your brothers and sisters in Christ so they might stand firm against temptation.

Implement safeguards…

People don’t just wake up one day and decide to commit adultery or embezzlement or whatever. Every sin starts with a wayward thought, which, when left unchecked (or entertained), snowballs into action. What could the scandalized pastor have done, practically, to prevent his sin? What are some concrete, proactive steps you can take to guard against sin in your life? Maybe your husband should hold the credit cards or you should cut ties with that certain male friend. Don’t wait for sin to find you. Build some walls before it arrives.

Use the scandal as a springboard for prayer…

Pray for those involved in the scandal. Ask God to protect you, your husband, and your loved ones from that particular sin. Realize that your own pastor and church staff are tempted to sin every day, pray for them regularly, and let them know you’re praying for them.

Practice the Golden Rule…

What if you were the one who sinned? How would you want people to talk about and treat you and your family? Call a sin a sin, but let’s remember, when it comes to scandals, to watch our words and actions, and treat others the way we would want to be treated.

Use the scandal as an opportunity to share the gospel…

Inevitably, some lost people will see pastoral sin as one more candle in their “Christians are just a bunch of hypocrites” cake. Don’t be embarrassed if an unbeliever approaches you with this line of fire (and whatever you do, don’t try to make light of or justify the pastor’s sin). Own it. Admit it. “You’re right. This guy sinned. He needs to repent and be forgiven by Christ. He needs to make things right with the people around him. Just like me. Just like you. By the way, Christ was crucified for sinners like him and me and you. Have you ever repented of your own sin and trusted in Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection as the payment for your sin? Mind if I tell you how?”

Repent and Forgive…

It’s hurtful when someone you trust and look up to lets you down. But because we’re sinful humans living in a broken world, it’s going to happen. The pastor who sinned needs to repent. When he does, the people around him need to forgive, even though there will probably still be disciplinary consequences to his actions. Is there sin in your life that you need to repent of and face the consequences for? Is there someone who has sinned against you that you need to forgive? God extends the grace of forgiveness to repentant sinners and the grace to forgive to their victims. Repent. Forgive.

Scandals among Christian leaders are heartbreaking, disappointing, embarrassing. But the God who sent His only Son to the cross to turn sinners into saints has a wonderful way of taking offenses and turning them into opportunities for His kingdom.

Scandals among Christian leaders are heartbreaking. But the God who sent His only Son to the cross to turn sinners into saints has a wonderful way of taking offenses and turning them into opportunities for His kingdom.
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Podcast Appearances

Podcast Guest Appearance – Contending for the Word

September 4, 2024September 3, 2024 Michelle Lesley

I once again had the pleasure of chatting with my friend Dave Jenkins on his podcast Contending for the Word, in an episode titled Exposing John and Lisa Bevere in Deliverance Ministry, Repentance, and Sanctification.

Listen in as Dave and I discuss the Beveres’ false doctrine and the way they twist Scripture on these issues, what the Bible really teaches, and more! Even if you don’t follow the Beveres, many other false teachers share the same beliefs, so you’ll want to give this a listen to educate yourself on the falsehoods flying around out there and equip yourself to help your friends and loved ones who believe them.

Be sure to check out Dave’s website, Servants of Grace, where you’ll find an abundance of great teaching, podcasts, and materials, as well as his social media links- and give Dave a follow!

Articles / resources mentioned or touched on in the episode:

John & Lisa Bevere

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Speaking Engagements

A Word Fitly Spoken

Got a podcast of your own or have a podcasting friend who needs a guest? Need a speaker for a women’s conference or church event? Click the “Speaking Engagements” tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, drop me an e-mail, and let’s chat!

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Elder crusading for approval of unbiblical missions organization

August 27, 2024August 27, 2024 Michelle Lesley

I want to handle a situation biblically. I am on my church’s mission committee. We have been asked to support [a parachurch missions organization, henceforth, “PMO”]. Several members of the committee have voiced concerns over the PMO’s position on CRT [Critical Race Theory] and LQBTQ issues. We have provided evidence in the form of video and internal PMO documents. We voted not to support this PMO, but after the meeting, the elder who oversees our committee emailed and said we can only voice issues if we have evidence from the PMO’s public website, and he has scheduled a meeting for us to listen to the PMO’s representatives share their ministry because he believes we are misrepresenting it. I do not want to attend this meeting. I am not even sure if I should continue serving on the committee. He only gave us 24 hours notice of the meeting. How should I respond?

(I have redacted the name of this particular PMO because the reader’s question is about how to handle this situation, not about the PMO itself, and because my answer could apply to any number of demonstrably false teachers or organizations. To name this well known organization would require me to provide and explain the voluminous evidence that this PMO does, indeed, vehemently endorse CRT (watch the video series linked above) and is becoming increasingly unbiblical in their position on perversion. I plan to deal with that in another article about this particular PMO at some point, but dealing with it here would make this article much too long and involved.)

I know that’s a difficult spot to be in, and, having been in similar situations myself, I certainly sympathize.

If you’re married, and your husband is a Christian, the first thing you should do (which you probably have done, I just like to begin at the beginning :0) is to thoroughly discuss this with your husband and find out what he wants you to do, and do that.

Hebrews 13:17a says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account.” This elder is not doing his Titus 1:9, 3:10-11 duty to keep watch over the souls of his flock. He is harming them and calling some of them (the discerning committee members) liars. And he will have to give an account of all of that to God. You discerning committee members are actually God’s grace to him to protect him from this sin and subsequent judgment, and he apparently doesn’t realize or appreciate that.

He’s got several credible, doctrinally sound committee members coming to him, warning him about a legitimate biblical issue, and he’s basically telling them they’re wrong in favor of letting the serpents come into the church and further deceive him and the other, less discerning, members of the committee.

The point of this is for the members of the committee to be swayed to support him and the PMO because this is what he wants. He wants to support the PMO. If they’re doing the things you and the other concerned committee members say they’re doing (and they are – there’s plenty of reputable evidence out there to prove it, including what you found), does he really think the representatives are going to admit to it when they visit? Of course not. They’re going to speak, softly, gently, and lovingly. They’re going to be personable and witty. They’re going to give all the right biblical answers. They’re going to say whatever they think this elder wants to hear so he’ll side with them and give them the church’s money.

Something Amy and I have discussed several times on the podcast is this dynamic of sensuality (in the classical sense of the word: “appealing to the senses” of sight, hearing, etc.). It’s exactly what Satan did in the Garden to convince Eve to eat the fruit (see the section on Genesis 3, here). He smooth talked her and appealed to her senses – her feelings – which she followed over her reason: that which she already knew with her brain that God had commanded. (Sensuality is why, for example, it’s easier to be objective about whether or not the lyrics of a worship song are biblical when you read the lyrics from a piece of paper rather than listening to the song. The music appeals to your sense of hearing and your emotions, which can override your rational, objective reasoning.)

That’s why – whether he realizes it or not – your elder is bringing these people in to meet with you in person. It’s a lot easier to appeal to people’s senses and feelings face to face and with your sincere tone of voice and sparkling personality than it is to sway them with facts on a piece of paper.

I really hate to say these things about your elder, but either he’s being underhanded, or he’s well intentioned, yet incredibly gullible and undiscerning. (In fact, he may be allowing his feelings of sentimentality for this PMO to sway him even though he can clearly see the evidence that their beliefs and practices contradict Scripture.)

Either way, assuming this is his general state instead of this being a one time slip up, both of these things are disqualifying (see the qualifications for elders in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9). One of the requirements for elders in the Titus 1 passage is in verse 9:

He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

He’s not “rebuking those who contradict” sound doctrine (the PMO), he’s being a corrupt gatekeeper and welcoming the wolves into his sheepfold. If he doesn’t repent, especially if this is a pattern for him, he has disqualified himself from eldership.

An additional issue is – what in the world is going on here with your church’s polity? Your committee voted not to fund this PMO and this elder singlehandedly overrules the committee? Why does the committee even exist? Is it just supposed to be a rubber stamp for whatever any particular elder wants? That’s not biblical.

Furthermore, why is he so locked in on this particular PMO? There are dozens of doctrinally sound missions organizations out there that your church could support and that your committee and your elder could probably unanimously agree on. Why does it have to be this PMO? (My guess: He worked for them in the past or has some sort of personal connection to them, ergo, the sentimentality, or there’s somebody he knows who works for this PMO that he wants to support using the church’s finances. This could be a conflict of interest.)

What I would do is to go to the meeting with my phone in hand, voice memo app open, and let it be known that you’re going to be recording the meeting so you can listen to it again later to make sure you haven’t misunderstood or missed anything. Do not try to hide the fact that you’re recording it. That makes you look sneaky and deceptive, plus, you have nothing to hide. You’re not doing anything wrong. This is just an electronic form of taking notes. Additionally, if you’re told, by the elder or the PMO representatives, that you can’t record the meeting, that speaks volumes about their motives.

After the meeting, the discerning members of the committee should go back to the elder and talk to him again. (You might want to really emphasize my point above that if the PMO were guilty of doing these things, they wouldn’t admit it.). If he digs his heels in and your church hierarchy has another elder or head pastor above him in the chain of command, make an appointment with him, take your whole group, and express your concerns to him. Go as far up the chain of command as you can until you get to the top or until somebody listens and deals with this elder.

If the elder is at the top of the chain of command, and supporting false teachers/doctrine is typical of the way he operates, and he doesn’t repent, you need to find out what your church’s protocol is for initiating church discipline with an elder and the discerning male members of the committee, your husband, and/or other appropriate men should initiate it. If there is no protocol and he can’t be removed and doesn’t repent, I’d go ahead and find a new church. But until you do (or if you decide to stay at this church despite this issue), explore your church’s options for designating your offerings so your money doesn’t go to support this PMO.

Readers, if you’re going through any sort of similar situation at your church, you may wish to explore my article The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.