Tag: Christian Moms

Mailbag

The Mailbag: How Can Christian Moms Raise Godly Men?

Michelle Lesley

mailbag

How would you, as a Christian woman, raise a son to become a man in our modern effeminate culture? Obviously, fathers are ultimately responsible for this task (a woman can teach a boy many things, but she can’t teach him how to be a man), however, mothers do play a critical role.

This is such a great question. So great, in fact, that when I went to start answering it, I discovered I already had! Here’s an article I wrote for Kaylene Yoder’s blog last year: Six Ways to Raise a Godly Man.

godly-man

Boys. Aren’t they phenomenal? My husband and I have five boys ranging in age from 12 to 28. They’re loud, they’re gross, they’re physical, and I wouldn’t trade them for girls in a hot minute. While I love my daughter and the precious relationship we have as girls, I genuinely feel like God specially crafted me to be a mom of boys.

But boys will be boys, and girls will be girls, and sometimes, as “girls,” we moms need to think outside the pretty pink box of femininity in order to relate to, and rightly raise, these extraordinary creatures God has blessed us with. Here are six ways I’ve learned through the years to raise a Godly man.

1. Remember you’re raising boys.

Despite what you might hear from the scientific community, boys and girls are not the same except for genitalia. The way God wired them to see and relate to the world, think, react, and solve problems, is completely different from the way God wired girls to do these things. In 1 Corinthians 16:13, Paul tells the men of the church at Corinth:

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

There’s a certain way that men (and boys) act, and it’s not the same as the way girls act. God made them that way, and we must parent them like they’re boys, not anatomically male girls.

2. Make way for Daddy.

There have been so many times I have been tempted to baby my boys over bumps and bruises or give them a light scolding for disobedience. It took a lot of lip biting to stand out of the way while my husband told them to walk it off or got out the paddle for correction. But husbands know better than we do what it’s like to be a little (or big) boy. Point your boys to your husband as an example, and make sure you’re not getting in the way as they relate to each other “man to man”.

3. Tell them to take a lap.

One thing that moms often don’t realize about boys is that they are wired to need physical activity for their emotional, behavioral, and educational well being. Require them to sit still and be quiet for hours at a time, and you may have a son who gets that need for physicality out of his system by acting out behaviorally. God created boys with a need to run, throw, and hit, so honor His design by letting them.

4. Show them what a godly woman looks like.

They won’t be able to find a godly woman to marry one day if they don’t know what one looks like. Show them. Study your Bible. Pray. Repent and apologize when you sin. Submit to your husband. Manage your home well. Be hospitable. Serve your family and your church. Give them a gold standard to shoot for.

Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.
Proverbs 31:29

5. Instruct them, from a woman’s point of view, godly ways to honor women.

Because boys don’t think the way girls do, they need to be taught how women like to be treated by men. Boys tend to have an “every man for himself” mindset, so things like “ladies first,” opening doors for women, keeping bodily functions to themselves, and helping out around the house don’t always occur to them. They have to be proactively taught these things as a way of “serving one another in love” (Galatians 5:13).

(Oh, and by the way, they will never learn to keep bodily functions to themselves. Ever. Sorry.)

6. Realize the impact of your role in building godly men. 

Samuel, Jesus, Timothy. Godly men, all. And every one of them had a godly mother – Hannah, Mary, Eunice – who raised them to love and serve God. Don’t ever think of yourself as “just a mom.” God has given mothers the enormous responsibility and privilege of pouring the gospel into little boys and raising them to godly manhood. Thank Him for that and steward your influence well.

Boys are strange and wonderful little beings. There’s nothing like being a mom of boys to drive you crazy, drive you to your knees in prayer, and drive you to rise to the challenge of being a godly mom raising godly men.

If you have a question about: a well known Christian author/leader, a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Parenting, Throwback Thursday

Parenting: What a Child Wants, What a Child Needs

Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 10, 2014

It’s a funny thing about parenting articles– they’re always written by doctors or psychologists or parents, never by the people being parented: the kids. I mean, think about it, if you were a waitress and you wanted to know how to serve your customers better, would you take advice solely from other waitresses, restaurant managers, and the guys at corporate? Wouldn’t you, at some point, want to hear from the people you actually serve regarding what they want out of a waitress? So how come we never ask our kids what they want out of a parent?

Well, I decided to.

Parenting articles are always written by doctors or psychologists or parents, never by the people being parented: the kids. How come we never ask our kids what they want out of a parent? Well, I decided to.

My husband and I have five boys, ages 26, 24, 14, 12, and 11, and one girl, age 18. The two oldest boys are grown and out on their own, so I interviewed the four still living at home: my daughter and the three younger boys. They’re average kids from an average, church-every-Sunday-and-Wednesday, Christian family. My husband and I are imperfect parents who make a ton of mistakes, but we’re doing our best to raise them in “the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

The interview consisted of one question: What advice would you give to parents?

M (18 year old daughter) has spent the year since she graduated from high school teaching pre-schoolers at a Christian day care, so much of her advice is drawn from that experience. She has learned a lot about parenting that will help her to be a great mother some day.

  • Don’t be scared to discipline your child. Children need discipline, and that’s part of your job as a parent.
  • Kids are smarter than you think they are. Take the time to work with them. You’ll be amazed at how much they can learn!
  • Giving in to tantrums will ultimately make parenting more difficult because you’re teaching your child that tantrums work when they want to get their own way about something.
  • When considering names for your baby, imagine one of your adult friends introducing himself with that name. If the name doesn’t work for an adult, consider another choice. Also be aware of any acronyms or foul words your child’s initials might spell.
  • Never lie to your children to give them a reason for telling them yes or no about something. (For example: one of my children was constantly begging to go to the park. Her mother finally told her, “No, we can’t go to the park because it’s closed.” Naturally, a few minutes later, they drove by the park and saw plenty of people there. The child said, “I thought it was closed!”)
  • Before buying your child any DVD, watch it several times to make sure it doesn’t drive you nuts.
  • No child ever died from a dog licking him in the face.
  • A little sugar from time to time isn’t going to kill your child.

J1 (14 year old son) just finished eighth grade and isn’t interested in doing anything that taxes his brain during summer break. After we got past, “Mom, you’re the perfect parent! You don’t need any parenting advice from me!” (so he could go back to watching TV), here are the few gems I was able to extract from him:

  • Teach your kids not to be aggravating to other kids.
  • Don’t let your kids date too early.
  • Don’t force foods on your kids that they have either tasted and don’t like or think they won’t like.
  • Don’t make your kids write your blog articles for you. It’s pretty boring for them!!!

B (12 year old son) is a take charge kind of guy who would have gladly written this article for me (and probably would have done a better job!) He just finished the 6th grade. B says:

  • Give a thirty minute bed time extension with every birthday. (He calculates this based on a baby from birth to one year having a bed time of 6:00 p.m. A one year old would go to bed at 6:30, a two year old at 7:00, etc.)
  • Have a large Christmas budget.
  • Buy your kids go carts.
  • Take more vacations.
  • Don’t make things sound better or worse than they actually are. (“Mom, one time I was going to get some shots and you told me it would hurt really bad. I didn’t think it hurt that much.”)
  • Set a good example for your kids.

J2 (11 year old son) just finished 5th grade and lives life wide open with his hair on fire. He had lots of great 11 year old advice for parents:

  • Spend more time with your kids.
  • More bacon. Also, more junk food and cokes.
  • Let us do good April Fool’s tricks.
  • Mud fights whenever we want.
  • Let us run around the house nekkid! (That’s “naked” if you don’t live in the South.)
  • Don’t make your kids go to school.
  • Be less demanding and don’t criticize your kids.

Awesome parenting advice, no? Maybe my husband and I should just change all our rules around to fit what the kids want. After all, going back to our waitress analogy, the customer’s always right, right?

Wrong.

The Bible says in Ephesians 6:1 (a verse every child in our family memorizes as a toddler) “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right,” not “parents obey your children.” If we decided to become the parents they wanted, we’d have a bunch of naked, bacon-snarfing, go cart riding, uneducated pranksters who stay up until midnight.

The reason God gave children parents is so that we can exercise the wisdom, experience, and discernment they don’t have but so desperately need.

The reason God gave children parents is so that we can exercise the wisdom, experience, and discernment they don’t have but so desperately need. As godly parents, my husband and I must listen to our children and take to heart anything that is wise or biblical (“Set a good example for your children.” “Never lie to your children.”) and say a firm “no” anything that isn’t (large Christmas budgets and living room streaking).

Because God has told us to train our children up in the way they should go, not the way they want to go.

God has told us to train our children up in the way they should go, not the way they want to go.

Parenting

The 10 Commandments of Parenting- 7

Michelle Lesley

7.

Thou shalt consistently and lovingly
discipline thy children.

Whoever spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24

These kids today! Every generation since Adam and Eve has probably said it. Certainly today, you can’t throw a rock out the window without hitting half a dozen ill-behaved brats. We’ve all cringed at the temper tantrum-throwing child seated at the next table in the restaurant, or watched a mom in the store tell her little sweetie “no” a dozen times, only to finally give in to his demands. Heck, most of us have probably been that mom on occasion.

Hundreds of books, both Christian and secular, have been written on the topic of how to discipline children, but much rarer are the writings about why we should discipline them. As always, the easy answer to that question for the Christian is: “because God said so”. But why does God tell us to discipline our children? Because discipline teaches our children that we love them.

The most important way we can love our children is to lead them to salvation. Learning obedience to parents not only teaches them about sin, law breaking, punishment, and repentance, it also teaches them the concept of setting aside their own desires in favor of submitting to the authority that has been placed over them. This has direct application to the spiritual construct of salvation. Salvation does not take place until, through faith in Christ, we repent of our sin and submit our will to the authority and Lordship of Christ and commit to follow and obey Him.

First John 4:20 says: “If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” I really believe this principle generally applies to obedience as well. One of the things I tell my kids when I discipline them is that, although I don’t enjoy punishing them or letting them suffer the consequences of their actions, I have to do it because I want them to start learning, through obeying me, how to obey God. I’m flesh and blood standing right in front of them, clearly telling them what to do and what will happen if they don’t obey. If they can’t obey me, how in the world are they going to learn to obey God, whom they can’t see or hear with their eyes and ears? Conversely, if a child has been lovingly and consistently disciplined, how much easier will it be to introduce him to the concept of submission to God’s authority?

Another vital spiritual principle that discipline helps teach is an understanding of sin, its consequences, and punishment. A child who has been disciplined knows what it means to be guilty of breaking the rules. He also knows that because he has broken a rule, some sort of undesirable consequence will follow swiftly. A child who has not been disciplined believes he does no wrong and that the world around him should be catering to his wants and demands. Which child will be able to grasp the idea that he is a sinner in need of salvation? Which one will understand contrition, eternal punishment, and eternal reward?

Teaching obedience also teaches our children that we are concerned about how they fare with others. My children have come to me in the past and told me that they don’t like being around certain friends of theirs who constantly misbehave. On these occasions, I very carefully (to ensure that they don’t become critical or develop an attitude of superiority) explain to my children that this is one of the reasons Daddy and I teach them good behavior. We don’t want them to experience the sadness that misbehaving child is sure to feel when he realizes that people don’t want to be around him. We teach them that we love them enough to want others to delight in them.

Discipline shows love for our children through concern for their safety. If my child doesn’t obey me when I tell him not to run into the street, he could be killed by an oncoming car. If he runs into the street and then stands there and argues with me when I tell him to get back on the sidewalk, he could also be killed.

Many years ago, when I was teaching school, a kindergarten student of mine was killed in a house fire. He didn’t die because he was unable to get out of the house. He was rescued unharmed, and was told not to go back into the house. This little boy, notoriously disobedient, went back into the house. He died as a result of lack of discipline.

I have told my children these stories on occasion, not to scare them unnecessarily, but to show them just how serious the consequences of disobedience can be. All the spiritual principles in the world won’t matter if a child isn’t alive to learn them.

Love your children by disciplining them. Show them love through their physical safety; show them love through their social well-being; and show them love through their eternal security

Parenting

The 10 Commandments of Parenting- 6

Michelle Lesley

6.
Thou shalt teach thy children to pray.

“pray without ceasing;” I Thessalonians 5:17

When my kids were toddlers, I knew that there was no way they could wrap their little undeveloped brains around the abstract concept of God. It is certainly true, though, that God has made Himself evident within each of our hearts (Romans 1:19), because when the kids and I would pray together or talk about God, none of them ever once asked me who God was, even though they couldn’t see, hear, or touch Him. Teaching our kids to pray fans that little spark of knowing God into flame. Start from birth, and help them to make it a lifelong discipline.

I’m not a big fan of “Now I lay me down to sleep”, “God is great; God is good” and other memorized prayers. Assuming they’re biblically sound, there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with them, and they do contain some spiritual truths, but in my own experience the more familiar, rote, and repetitious something is, the less meaningful it can become over time. I think it’s important to teach kids that prayer is a way of talking with God that should have meaning for our lives.

When we teach children to pray, they need to know that they don’t have to use “thee’s” and “thou’s” and a bunch of fancy language in order to be heard. There are millions of Christians all over the globe who wouldn’t know flowery speech if it smacked them upside the head, and yet God listens to them just the same.

It is also essential that we teach them that while God is indeed our friend, He is also holy, and must be addressed with reverence for that holiness. When we recognize His holiness in our prayers by acknowledging Him as Creator of all things in the universe, listing and proclaiming His attributes (such as goodness, mercy, justice, grace, love, forgiveness, etc.), and humbling ourselves before Him, it puts us in the right spiritual attitude for doing business with God.

Another vital distinction to make is that God is not Santa Claus. He’s not sitting up there waiting for our wish lists, granting them if we’ve been nice and denying them if we’ve been naughty. Kids are naturally self-centered, so it helps them to take their focus off self if we teach them to thank God for the things that they already have, to pray for others, and to confess their sins.

Jesus gave us a great example of how to pray in the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13):

  • Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. We humble ourselves before God, recognizing His position and submitting to His sovereignty and authority.
  • Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. We intercede for ourselves as well as others. We ask that God’s will, not ours or anyone else’s, be done in each situation, and that He will receive the glory in every circumstance.
  • Give us this day our daily bread. We ask for God’s provision for our needs and recognize that it is only by His hand that we have anything.
  • And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. We confess and ask forgiveness for our sins. We ask God to help us forgive those who have sinned against us.
  • And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. We ask for God’s protection and the strength to obey Him and resist temptation.
  • For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. We again recognize God’s sovereignty, give Him glory, and leave all of our requests with Him to deal with as He sees fit.

Your 5 year old’s prayer, encompassing these areas, might look something like this:

Dear Lord,
Thank you for being good and loving. Thank you for my family and my dog. Thank you for making the park so I can play there. Thank you for the food we’ve eaten today, and please give us the food we need tomorrow. Please help my friend Jason to feel better and get over the flu. I’m sorry I hit my brother this morning. Please forgive me and help me to be kind to him. I love You.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Of course, he probably isn’t going to come up with all of that on his own. The best way to teach kids to pray is to pray with them. You might go first, praying a simple prayer, and then have him pray, or you might want to try what I call a “ping pong” prayer. You pray one sentence, and he prays the next, and so on, until you’re done. For example:

Mom: Dear Lord, thank you for being kind.
Kid: Thank you for being forgiving.
Mom: Please help the Jones family because they’re sad that their cat died.
Kid: Please take care of our missionaries in South America.
etc……

One of the ways we can teach our kids that God hears us when we pray is to keep track of His answers to our prayers. At our house, I was concerned that, while we were all praying together, the kids were not making the connection between their prayers and what God was doing in our lives. I decided a good way to help them make that connection would be to keep track of answered prayers as well as blessings we hadn’t thought to ask for, and other ways God was working in our family.

It was as simple as a trip to the dollar store. I bought a piece of posterboard and entitled it “What is God up to?” It now graces one wall of our breakfast room. Every time we have an answered prayer (even if the answer is no), an unexpected blessing, or an obvious move of God in our lives, I write it down on the poster. It has really helped the kids to see where God is moving. I can tell, because now they are the ones to remind me of an answer to prayer or something else that needs to go on the poster!

It has also helped them to learn that our prayers don’t just bounce off the ceiling. God does care for us. He does want to hear from us. We can bond with Him by spending time talking to Him. Those are priceless precepts for kids and parents alike.

Additional Resources

After This Manner Therefore Pray

Articles on Prayer

Sweet Hour of Prayer Bible Study

Episodes about Prayer at A Word Fitly Spoken

Parenting

The 10 Commandments of Parenting- 5

Michelle Lesley

5.

Thou shalt train thy children
in the words of the Scriptures.

“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. Deuteronomy 6:6

My children are involved in a wonderful Bible program at our church. They do lots of fun activities, and everything revolves around memorizing Scripture. I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent listening to the kids recite verses so they can progress through their workbooks. I’m certain my kids have more Bible verses memorized than I do.

Training our kids in the words of the Scriptures starts with reading Bible stories to them, praying with them, and teaching them to memorize Bible verses, but it doesn’t end there. The fruition of Biblical training is learning to apply those verses and Biblical principles to the situations that arise in our lives. If our kids never make the connection between the words of Scripture in their heads and how those words should affect what they do, we might as well not be training them at all.

Times of disobedience bring great opportunities to talk about the way God wants us to behave. We teach the kids the importance of praying and asking God to forgive them for their sins, as well as asking forgiveness from the person against whom they’ve sinned. It’s also a good time to talk about Scriptures that should have (and should, in the future) governed the child’s behavior. Some well-worn verses at our house include:

  • Ephesians 6:1 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 
  • Philippians 2:14 – Do everything without complaining or arguing.
  • Ephesians 4:32a – Be ye kind, one to another.
  • Luke 6:31 – Do to others as you would have them do to you.

TV shows, news items, other people’s behavior the children witness, and the example we as parents set, whether good or bad, can provide other opportunities for discussion about the Scriptures.

If we want our kids to live lives of godliness, we’ve got to take advantage of every opportunity we have to help them make the connection between, “What does God say about this?” and, “What am I going to do about it?” Not a bad thing for us parents to meditate on either!