Tag: Christian Encouragement

Share Your Testimony

Testimony Tuesday: Jenny’s Story

Michelle Lesley

Jenny’s Story

This is more of a testimony within a testimony. I suppose part of my journey and part of the sanctification process that will take from salvation to eternity to complete. It is something that has weighed on my heart for years though never seemed the right opportunity to share or discuss it aside over a cup of coffee at my kitchen table.

My name is Jenny. I am a mother of five and have been married fourteen years. We started homeschooling our clan about 7 years ago. Our marriage has been one that has been rocked by adversity and brought to redemption through the glorious grace of Jesus Christ. However, this will not be about why we homeschool, or how God saved my marriage…this is about how I came to see all Scripture is profitable for teaching, for reproof, correcting and training in righteousness.

I was a feminist. Girl Power, women can do everything, and anything, men are idiots and would be dead were it not for women, loud, haughty and always up for a debate. Set on a course like this as a young girl, I looked disdainfully at marriage and children. Why would I want either of those things? I was going to travel the world, be a missionary; a husband and kids would get in the way.

I was a feminist.

I had a worldview written both by man and by God. I loved the Lord; since I was a little girl I had an intense love of Jesus that governed most everything I did, except in areas of my ambition and attitude towards that dirty “S-word” – submission. Submit- HA! I am not a dog! I can do what I want. I can be educated, independent, and preach. And I did. I grew up being taught that women can do anything in the church and I accepted that as truth, with zero hesitation. It affected every part of my biblical femininity. Do not think for a minute that you can walk hand in hand with secular feminism and biblical truth. They collide. That’s what happened to me.

There was a woman who I would see at church softball games. I enjoyed conversing with her dearly. Having come to Christ later in life, she was a testimony of continuing openness of her sanctification through the Word. At this point, I still held a view that, although I had salvation, my behaviors earned blessings or punishments, and that working for the Lord proved my love for Him and could somehow satisfy the debt I owed. She knew what I did for work, she knew I had taught/preached to large groups of men and women in church and college settings; and she never batted an eye when speaking to me. A beautiful example of an older woman teaching a younger woman.

A beautiful example of an older woman teaching a younger woman.

One day she said to me, “I am praying you get fired.” EXCUSE ME!!! We rely on that income! I have a great job. My husband and I both work. We juggle our children between our schedules. I AM MORE THAN A MOM!!!! How dare she! She pointed me to Scripture. I thought, “How archaic. Doesn’t she know it is meant in context of culture and region?”. She gently kept pushing me- that if I am so adamant the Scripture is true, why am I so man-centered in this? I came face to face with the thought, “All scripture is breathed out by God.” But if I accepted this, it would change everything, including my identity. And praise be to God- it has. I have been able to come to see the glorious good workings of God, and the free grace offered through Jesus Christ my Lord. He does not demand anything from me, save my obedience and trust in Him.

My outlook has changed, and it is liberating. Feminism kills Christian women and Christian homes. We miss out on the beauty and strength and glory of God, through our proposed design and structurings, starting with male and female, into marriage, and foremost through the bride of Christ and His church.

This is why we NEED women heeding Titus 2:4-5:

Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

No one told me I was maligning the Word of God. I was being cheered on. I was living the Christian American Dream. However, my identity was not in Christ, it was in myself serving Christ the best I thought how.

This verse is not a popular one. It is not often taught in churches and most squirm when it is read out loud. We read Pinterest and blogs and posts that mock housewives, and women that love, rather than bash, their husbands, and who strive hard in the home. We celebrate the chaos running amok and dismiss stay at home moms with the question, “Well, what did you do before that?”.

I am forever thankful to the older woman, who was not concerned if I thought she was judging me, but loved me enough to point me back to the Word. I am grateful to the grace of God, Who allowed me still yet a teachable heart, Who has forgiven me for sins of my past, and Who allows me yet to model strength and dignity to my own daughters, so that they can learn who they are through Jesus Christ, and that His banner over them is love!

I am grateful to the grace of God.

I have learned that the ultimate example of submission comes from Christ, through his demonstration on the cross. That the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword. I also, would call sisters reading this to remember to be patient with others as Paul teaches, and as Christ is patient with us. Rather than cast down our looks at women fighting for authority and leadership, pray for them. Pray that they would have a Titus woman in their lives willing to speak truth in love, and continue in prayer. Pray that they would submit to Scripture instead of cherry-picking and trivializing it! I am ever grateful to a beautiful soul who cared more about truth than being liked. I am ever encouraged by great examples of the past, from Ruth to Mary to women of today, who share and strive in biblical truth and love.

This is not a popular message, neither in society, nor in the church. But the warning in Titus is clear: “that the Word of God would not be maligned”. And that has become my prayer, that my life would be a pleasing aroma unto the Lord. That I would not be known for works, or remembered by name, but that fragrance left behind the vapor of my life simply, only and always is Christ.

Ladies, God is still at work in the hearts and lives of His people, including yours! Would you like to share a testimony of how God saved you, how He has blessed you, convicted you, taught you something from His Word, brought you out from under false doctrine, placed you in a good church or done something otherwise awesome in your life? Private/direct message me on social media, e-mail me (MichelleLesley1@yahoo.com), or comment below. Your testimony can be as brief as a few sentences or as long as 1500 words. Let’s encourage one another with God’s work in our lives!

Share Your Testimony

Testimony Tuesday: Dorothy’s Story

Michelle Lesley

Dorothy’s Story

I was saved at an early age and always had a heart for the things of God, reading His Word, memorizing it, and prayer. As an adult I was very active in my Baptist church, in children’s ministry or leading Bible studies for women, which I realize now were not actually Bible studies, but rather studying a book about someone’s interpretation of Scripture. I was very intrigued by Henry Blackaby’s book Experiencing God, and began to wonder how I might recognize God at work in my own life, how I might hear his voice. I read books on prayer and fasting by Bill Bright, learning of the “coming revival”.

It wasn’t until I began to read God Chasers by Tommy Tenney, though, that I thought perhaps I was missing something, since I had never felt the “manifest” presence of God. A friend loaned me Surprised by the Power of the Holy Spirit by Jack Deere, A Final Quest by Rick Joyner, and I was off into the world of the NAR (The New Apostolic Reformation), inhaling every book I could on intercessory prayer, especially enjoying Prayer Shield, written by C. Peter Wagner himself, the father of the NAR. I read about past revivals, about The Toronto Blessing. I had no understanding of the history or doctrines behind the movement, but was drawn in by the incredible experiences with God those in the movement seemed to have. Prophetic words, words of knowledge, Holy Spirit manifestations – they all seemed so much more exciting than what I had experienced in my Christian life. Much to my shame, I even went to see Todd Bentley when he was in town. I became convinced revival was on its way.

I thought perhaps I was missing something..

I was especially fascinated by listening prayer. Although I continued to read my Bible and memorize scripture, my focus became my time of contemplative prayer, listening to what I felt God was saying to me personally. This quote from my prayer journal shows the idol that listening prayer had become in my life. “I could die for you right now God, die for more of you.”

I began to assist a Baptist deliverance minister in town as well, in what was called “discernment,” listening to what God told me about the spirits that were impacting a person. I would also listen for a personal prophetic word for each person in ministry.

As my family was now in a Pentecostal church, it was very accepted to be hearing from God personally; I was just “prophetic”. Although I had previously written devotionals for the Proverbs 31 Homemaker, I now felt called to begin typing up my prayer journal notes into devotionals, much in the style of Sarah Young, who wrote her devotionals because she wanted more of God than the Bible. I had 400 in all, hoping to get them published and support different missions organizations.

The Pentecostal church we were attending became progressively more NAR, even having a church plant patterned after Bethel. It wasn’t uncommon to have a pastor from Bethel speak at our church’s conferences. I had never agreed with the doctrine that it was God’s will to heal everyone, which Bethel emphasized, but I had no idea that they actually were preaching a false gospel.

I had no idea they were preaching a false gospel.

Last fall I happened upon a YouTube video on Bethel’s theology by Mike Winger, which God used to begin to remove the scales of deception from my eyes. However, it was reading Angels of Light; False Prophets and Deceiving Spirits at Work Today in the Church & World by Eddie Hyatt, specifically his chapter on contemplative prayer, which made me realize I had been wading in dangerous waters. As I watched the Strange Fire Conference on the internet, I was terribly convicted by the true Holy Spirit. This propelled me into an incredibly intense, painful season of soul-searching – questioning what I believed against biblical doctrine – and a time of repentance. As I listened to YouTube videos of Doreen Virtue and Melissa Dougherty, two wonderful women God has brought out of the New Age, I realized that my “Listening Prayer” had more in common with hearing from Spirit Guides, that my getting “prophetic words” for people had more in common with cold readings, than with either prayer or the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

I was convicted by the true Holy Spirit…

Psalm 116 has become very precious to me, especially verse 6: “The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me.” Although it truly sickens me that I could have been so deceived, I am very aware of how God’s hand was protecting me and my whole family through the whole process, and know that God is able to use my experience to bring about good.

Classes on listening prayer are becoming rampant in the church today, even in mainstream churches. The following is taken from a non-charismatic church offering such a class. “Learning to hear God’s voice and learning to use the gift of prophecy will be taught in alignment with biblical principles…” “loving and safe community to learn how to hear God’s voice for oneself and for others….designed to provide opportunities to encounter Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit through a variety of worship experiences and listening exercises.”

If you are practicing listening prayer, or contemplative prayer, I beg you to look into its history, and examine scripture – see that Christ never told us to pray in such a way, either by example or as a teaching. You may think that you are practicing listening prayer, but still holding God’s Word as His revelation to you higher. From experience, I believe it is impossible to practice listening prayer and not have it erode your view of the sufficiency of Scripture as well as erode and distort your view of Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit. In the past I believed that what I was hearing from God was completely in line with Scripture. However, not only was it incredibly narcissistic, it began to reflect more and more the NAR teaching I was receiving.

In my spiritual journey, I believed that I was experiencing “revival” when I became involved in contemplative prayer, and extra biblical practices. But in God’s word, biblical revival was accompanied by a renewed love for God through the Scripture. I can honestly say that coming out of the NAR, with all of its deception, as painful as it has been, has brought with it true revival. I have never had such a profound sense of being “saved”, along with a growing hunger for Scripture and true knowledge of God. I realize that I was in NAR lite for several years, even in my Baptist church.

I have never had such a profound sense of being “saved”…

If you diligently seek scripture, you will not lose anything that is true; you will only lose the false. Please, don’t allow fear or pride to keep you from researching thoroughly. I only wish there had been someone to warn me earlier. Although in many NAR books you will be warned away from biblical discernment by being taught that thinking critically is a “critical spirit” or that if you compare a teaching to Scripture you are “religious or have a religious spirit” please follow scripture.

“Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” 1 John 4:1 

You may also have been warned away from “heresy hunters”. As you do research, you may find some websites that go overboard, but there are also many wonderful discernment ministries. A few recommendations: Justin Peter’s Clouds Without Water Seminar, (YouTube version) John MacArthur’s Strange Fire Conference, and book by the same name, Todd Friel’s Drunk in the Spirit DVD, Costi Hinn’s book Defining Deception, and the movies: American Gospel: Christ Alone and American Gospel: Christ Crucified. For teaching on contemplative prayer, check out Another Jesus Calling. For a great website on a biblical response to the modern prophets and apostles movement see Holly Pivec’s website, Spirit of Error.

Just a gentle word of caution. Do balance your research with time spent in God’s Word. It is easy to become almost obsessive in your quest for truth, in wanting to root out any lies of deception you believe, to be hyper-sensitive about being deceived again. Coming out of deception is a very painful experience. Have patience for yourself, and grace. God is a tremendous rescuer and he will lead you to freedom in His truth, as laid out in Scripture, as you seek Him.

Ladies, God is still at work in the hearts and lives of His people, including yours! Would you like to share a testimony of how God saved you, how He has blessed you, convicted you, taught you something from His Word, brought you out from under false doctrine, placed you in a good church or done something otherwise awesome in your life? Private/direct message me on social media, e-mail me (MichelleLesley1@yahoo.com), or comment below. Your testimony can be as brief as a few sentences or as long as 1500 words. Let’s encourage one another with God’s work in our lives!

Share Your Testimony

Testimony Tuesday: Alma’s Story

Michelle Lesley

Alma’s Story

Here’s a wonderful story of God’s faithfulness in steering the ladies ministry at my church out of doctrinally weak teachers. I joined my daughter’s Southern Baptist Church about ten months ago to be able to worship with her and my three grandchildren. I met with the pastor a few times and we had wonderful conversations about Reformed theology and the church’s long history. Since I had developed somewhat of a rapport with him I felt comfortable going to him when I found out the ladies ministry leader had chosen, yet again, a not so doctrinally sound study.

Last fall we did Lisa Harper’s Job study which I faithfully attended and early on realized she was not what I needed or wanted in a Bible study. Lisa likes to share a personal story of her life in each of her weekly videos and it soon became burdensome and kind of annoying (I don’t have much patience when it comes to studying the Word). Before Lisa Harper was Lysa TerKeurst, Beth Moore, and Priscilla Shirer, so the church has had a history of fluffy studies.

In late December of last year the announcement was made that we would be doing Priscilla Shirer’s new study One in a Million. I was disappointed to say the least as I’m not a fan of Shirer.

I prayed a lot about how to approach my pastor about this because the woman in charge of selecting our studies is a friend and fellow Sunday School attendee. Since I’m so new to the church I decided to find out who was in charge of overseeing the ladies’ ministry. I assumed it was a deacon but soon found out that wasn’t the case. The head of the deacons told me it was our Discipleship Minister. So I contacted him and he confirmed that he oversees the men’s and ladies’ ministry and when I asked if he oversees the Bible study selection he said that’s left up to the ladies’ ministry leader.

So I decided it was time to talk to my pastor. I did my due diligence and researched the problems and concerns with Shirer and sent him links to Michelle’s critique and also pastors who have written about her to warn the women in their churches.

One of the comments my pastor made in his defense was he assumed if a teacher is promoted by LifeWay, they must be good. I was surprised he didn’t know about LifeWay and all the heretical authors and books they have on their shelves.

I also shared with him the problems and concerns with other studies the church has done in the past. He listened, reviewed the links I sent him and decided he needed to call a meeting with the Discipleship Minister and ladies’ ministry leader to discuss this matter. That meeting hasn’t happened yet (he promised it would be soon) but I’m praying for all to come to the right decision going forward. And, the ladies’ ministry leader recently announced that we will be using a Jen Wilkin book for our next study. I give all glory to God for giving my pastor eyes to see and ears to hear.

Ladies, God is still at work in the hearts and lives of His people, including yours! Would you like to share a testimony of how God saved you, how He has blessed you, convicted you, taught you something from His Word, brought you out from under false doctrine, placed you in a good church or done something otherwise awesome in your life? Private/direct message me on social media, e-mail me (MichelleLesley1@yahoo.com), or comment below. Your testimony can be as brief as a few sentences or as long as 1500 words. Let’s encourage one another with God’s work in our lives!

Encouragement, Suffering

Five Words of Encouragement for Spiritual Warfare’s Battle-Weary Soldiers

Michelle Lesley

Anybody who tells you the Christian life is all lollipops and unicorns is selling something. No reasonable person who is the slightest bit familiar with the New Testament or church history could honestly believe that. The New Testament church was born and baptized in blood – first the blood of Christ, and the blood of His martyred disciples ever since.

Anybody who tells you the Christian life is all lollipops and unicorns is selling something.

In the spirit, God blesses us with joy unspeakable and full of glory, the peace that passes all understanding, and the comfort of “Lo, I am with you always.” And that is much to be thankful for, because life in the robe of flesh would be unbearable without those blessings.

But as we walk this real, tangible, eat your veggies and brush your teeth phase of existence, Jesus isn’t just a pretty pink purse we pick up along the way to complement our life’s wardrobe. To put on Christ is to volunteer to wear a target on your back. And your front, come to think of it. Because when you unapologetically stand for Christ and the truth of His Word, you will not only face a full frontal attack from the world, you’ll also risk being stabbed in the back by those you thought were comrades in arms.

When you unapologetically stand for Christ and the truth of His Word, you will not only face a full frontal attack from the world, you’ll also risk being stabbed in the back by those you thought were comrades in arms.

Dealing with and responding to those attacks – that’s what spiritual warfare is. Not this modern, ridiculous, NAR-inspired version of “binding” Satan and bellowing commands into the air as though you have the power and the authority to boss the devil around (Even Michael the archangel wouldn’t go there.). We’re called to be good soldiers of Christ Jesus, not the Commander.

As good soldiers in the Lord’s army (yes sir!) real, biblical spiritual warfare is being protected and prepared in the spirit to righteously and courageously walk out biblical truth on the battlefield of whatever tangible circumstances God has placed you in. It’s understanding that those attacking you are not your real enemy – not the ones calling the shots. They’re soldiers, just like you. They’re either lost and ensnared by the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will (kind of a spiritual Stockholm Syndrome), or it’s friendly fire from someone in your unit who’s saved, but has somehow, momentarily mistaken you for the enemy.

But the wounds of warfare are painful and debilitating no matter who’s wielding the weapon. So for all of you ladies who have been persecuted by the world, attacked by family, abused by fellow church members, and abandoned by friends simply for holding fast to Christ and His Word and refusing to compromise, let these words of encouragement from the very One you cling to salve your soul…

For all of you ladies who have been persecuted by the world, attacked by family, abused by fellow church members, and abandoned by friends simply for holding fast to Christ and His Word and refusing to compromise, let these words of encouragement from the very One you cling to salve your soul…

1.
Jesus knows how you feel

There will never be a moment when we can cry out to Jesus from the depths of our desperation, “You have no idea what this is like – how badly it hurts!”. Yes, He does. Not just because He’s omniscient. Not just because He knitted you together in your mother’s womb and knows all the secrets of your heart. But because He walked that lonely and painful road Himself, as a man in the flesh, just like you.

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not…
…we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted…
…He was oppressed, and he was afflicted…
…By oppression and judgment he was taken away…
…And they made his grave with the wicked…although he had done no violence, and there was no deceit in his mouth.
From Isaiah 53

But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by mankind and despised by the people. All who see me mock me; they make mouths at me; they wag their heads; “He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him; let him rescue him, for he delights in him!”
Psalm 22:6-8

Many of them said, “[Jesus] has a demon, and is insane; why listen to him?”
John 10:20

If the world hates you, know that it has hated me [Jesus] before it hated you.
John 15:18

and coming to his hometown [Jesus] taught them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished, and said, “Where did this man get this wisdom and these mighty works?…And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household.”
Matthew 13:54,57

Jesus knows how you feel, Dear One. He knows.

Jesus knows how you feel, Dear One. He knows.

2.
Jesus loves you

There may be times when you feel like everyone is against you. It’s hard to be hated. But hold on to this truth and don’t let go of it: Jesus loves you. He delights in you. He will never turn His face away from you.

I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Jeremiah 31:3b

All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.
Psalm 25.10

I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul,
Psalm 31:7

May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.
2 Thessalonians 3:5

Jesus loves you. He delights in you. He will never turn His face away from you.

3.
Jesus will sustain you

Jesus isn’t a lifeline that only reaches halfway across the rushing river. He is our rock. Our fortress. Strength. Sustenance. Stability. What He brings you to, He will bring you through, as the old saying goes. He’s not going to abandon you in the middle of your troubles or fail to provide grace and help when you need it. You can trust Him.

you whom I took from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest corners, saying to you, “You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off”; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:9-10

Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life.
Psalm 54:4

So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”
Hebrews 13:6

Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Psalm 55:22

our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 1:7b-8

Jesus isn’t a lifeline that only reaches halfway across the rushing river. He is our rock. Our fortress.

4.
Jesus will honor you

In the world’s eyes, voluntarily suffering for the name of Christ is shameful, pitiable, foolish, and worthy of derision. In God’s economy, sharing in Christ’s sufferings is an honor and worthy of reward.

and when they had called in the apostles, they beat them and charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name.
Acts 5:40-41

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Matthew 5:10-12

[Moses] choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward.
Hebrews 11:25-26

But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you…Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.
1 Peter 4:13-14,16

In God’s economy, sharing in Christ’s sufferings is an honor and worthy of reward.

5.
Jesus will vindicate you

Perhaps one of the greatest comforts in the midst of the battle fatigue of spiritual warfare is God’s omniscience and justice. Not a single insult will be hurled at you that escapes His notice. None of the flak you’ve taken for Him will slip through the cracks and be forgotten. One day, whether here or hereafter, God will set everything right.

Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all.
Isaiah 41:11-12

For the Lord will vindicate his people and have compassion on his servants.
Psalm 135:14

You have seen the wrong done to me, O Lord; judge my cause. You have seen all their vengeance, all their plots against me. You have heard their taunts, O Lord, all their plots against me. The lips and thoughts of my assailants are against me all the day long. Behold their sitting and their rising; I am the object of their taunts.

You will repay them, O Lord, according to the work of their hands. You will give them dullness of heart; your curse will be on them. You will pursue them in anger and destroy them from under your heavens, O Lord.
Lamentations 3:59-66

When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne. They cried out with a loud voice, “O Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you will judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?”
Revelation 6:9-10

One day, whether here or hereafter, God *will* set everything right.

As you suffer for the Name above all names and do battle for His cause, strengthen your hands for combat with His great and precious promises, which can never be broken. Rest in Jesus’ love for you. Know that He understands your pain and anguish. Trust Him to sustain you. Believe that He will honor and vindicate you. For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.

Which promises do you cling to in the midst of spiritual warfare?

Share Your Testimony

Testimony Tuesday: Charla’s Story

Michelle Lesley

Charla’s Story

As far back as I can remember, Christianity has always been a part of my life. I grew up in a small, traditional, Southern Baptist church, was active in youth group, and even attended a small Baptist college. Around the age of 7, I “accepted” Jesus as my Savior and was baptized. Looking back, I don’t remember much about this experience. I certainly didn’t understand the gravity of sin except that I knew I did not want to go to hell. Counting the cost and true repentance were not part of my childhood “decision,” but I also grew up in a tradition where people believed and taught that repeating “the sinner’s prayer” would most assuredly save someone, especially if one prayed sincerely.

Despite the fact that my life may have looked religious, my soul was far from God and I didn’t even know it. Nonetheless, I seldom doubted my salvation because I knew I had prayed to receive Jesus and I sincerely believed that that was the way to salvation. If I did experience doubts, I would just pray again. A “deceived deceiver,” that’s who I was: pretending to be something I wasn’t, living a double life, and under the delusion that all was well with my soul. I could play the part of the model Christian or delight in the evils of the world – it just depended on where I was and who I was with.

My habitual, heinous sins only really bothered me if they got me in trouble. Granted, I sometimes felt guilty about my behavior, but I would ignore the authority of my conscience and the written commands of God and would purposefully pursue sin ever while tightly clutching to my “sinner’s prayer” as my get-out-of-hell-free card. Sure, I prayed when I needed something and sometimes would even ask God to forgive me and help me to live better. But my sorrow over sin was worldly and not godly; I was distraught that my behavior didn’t line up with the Christian image I was trying to maintain, not that my grievous sins were a direct assault on God.

When I was 27 years old, I met my husband, Jeremy. Even though we both expressed a desire for a Christian home, I now know that you can have “Christian” desires without the desire for Christ Himself. But God, being rich in mercy, brought my husband under conviction and repentance in the tenth year of our marriage. Jeremy immediately and suddenly surrendered his life to God’s leading and call to preach.

As my husband began to submit to the Lord, he also began to lead our family spiritually. Our conversations started to change and I often thought the level of his commitment to Christ and Scripture was a bit too radical. The idea of complete surrender to God was a frightening thought. During this time, we found a more doctrinally-sound church and I began to listen to expository, biblical preaching centered around the truth of Scripture, the preeminence of Christ and the holiness of God. I began hearing words I’d never heard or understood before – words such as atonement, justification, propitiation, sanctification, and regeneration. Although I resisted at first, I slowly came to realize that my understanding of salvation and the gospel were shallow and even unbiblical.

At some point during the past six or seven years, God opened my eyes to the beauty of His gospel. He showed me how detestable my sin really was. God showed me that my behaviors and even my “good intentions” or “good works” were evil because the motives that produced them were evil and sinful (self-serving), and no matter how hard I would try to conform to the religious image of the “Model Christian,” my real problem was that on my own, I would never be able to conform to the image of Christ.

My attempts to be “good” flowed out of selfish and self-righteous motives, not out of a grateful heart that longed to please and obey my Father. God gave me a godly sorrow for all my sins, not only my past sins, but even the stubborn sins that still often plague my heart: pride, selfishness, and ingratitude. I came to understand the truth about salvation: That I am only saved because of Christ’s finished work on the cross and it is by His work alone.

I began to meditate on this truth: the entirety of my own, actual sins was placed on Christ as he voluntarily endured the wrath of God in my stead while he hung on the cross. The reality that God chose me for Himself before the foundations of the world and that He sent his Son to ransom me became a source of great joy and thanksgiving. When I came to understand that His act of grace and mercy was not because of anything I had done, nor was it because of his foreknowledge of any future actions or “decision” on my part and that I had done nothing to deserve or merit salvation, I stood in awe of my Redeemer! Salvation is completely, entirely and wholly a work of God. He shall receive ALL the glory for the salvation of his people!

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.”
Ephesians 2:8-9

Jesus Christ has ransomed and redeemed me – I BELONG to Him. I didn’t “decide” to be a Christian – Christ bought my life. There is nothing about my life that belongs to me, but ALL to Him I owe!

As I spend time with God in prayer and in His Word, He continues to show me the glorious beauty of the gospel. There was a specific instance during this past presidential election when I had been having discussions with several Christian friends who just didn’t see things the same way I did. I couldn’t understand how they could justify supporting the “lesser” of two evils when I believed that supporting neither candidate was obviously the “holier” choice. Didn’t they trust in the sovereignty of God? How can we have the same Holy Spirit guiding our lives and yet have such different convictions, I wondered? I even began to contemplate that perhaps they weren’t truly saved. Maybe they were just pretend Christians. As I thought about these things, a question popped into my mind: Well, Charla, how do you know YOU are saved?

So, I thought about it for a while. Well, I know I’m not saved by a prayer, of course. And then I began to go through all the reasons why I knew I was truly saved. I began to justify myself before God: “I am saved because I know it is a work you have done. I believe what your word says. I know I am a sinner. I know Jesus lived a sinless life. I know He was my substitute. I know He died for my sins. I believe He was raised on the third day. I even understand the doctrines of grace, such as total depravity, unconditional election, and limited atonement.”

And as I began to unload all my incredible theological wisdom before God, I felt an emptiness in my spirit as if all of these reasons were just not enough. There was simply – “No.” Immediately, I became desperate and undone. I thought to myself, “No? No? Then I have nothing. What can I say? How can I know for sure that I am saved?” And it was at that moment that I saw with my spiritual eyes – Christ crucified: Christ hanging on the cross for ME, Christ spilling out his blood for ME, Christ drinking the cup of God’s wrath for ME, Christ giving his life for ME. Christ. Only Christ. He is why I am saved. He is my assurance. My faith rests entirely on Christ and what He accomplished on the cross. In that moment, the gospel was so clear and so glorious that I literally covered my mouth with my hand and gasped.

God has truly done a miraculous work in my life. He has given me a desire to know Him, a desire to follow Him, and a desire to love Him. I am not who I once was. I truly am a new creation! I am being sanctified as the Holy Spirit convicts me daily of that residual sin that is still at war in my flesh and by His grace, He helps me to crucify my flesh, pick up my cross and follow Him. Even though I’m not sure when the exact moment of regeneration took place in my spirit, I can always look to the finished work of Christ on the cross. That day is the most significant date of my salvation! Recently, I came under the conviction that I should follow Christ in believer’s baptism and so a few months ago, I was baptized by my pastor (who happens to also be my husband). God is so, so good. What a gracious, merciful Savior!

Ladies, God is still at work in the hearts and lives of His people, including yours! Would you like to share a testimony of how God saved you, how He has blessed you, convicted you, taught you something from His Word, brought you out from under false doctrine, placed you in a good church or done something otherwise awesome in your life? Private/direct message me on social media, e-mail me (MichelleLesley1@yahoo.com), or comment below. Your testimony can be as brief as a few sentences or as long as 1500 words. Let’s encourage one another with God’s work in our lives!