Category: Mailbag

Mailbag, Parenting

The Mailbag: Should single women foster or adopt children?

Michelle Lesley

Should single women foster or foster to adopt?

It’s a great question, and a decision that shouldn’t be entered into lightly.

I know that there’s an urgent need for foster parents, so I hate to exclude anyone who’s willing, but at the same time, Christians must be governed by Scripture first, and practical considerations afterward. And in this case, God’s design for the family demonstrates that single women should not adopt and should not foster (except, perhaps, in cases of temporary emergency).

God has numerous reasons for confining sex to marriage, and one of those reasons is that sex results in children. When a married woman gets pregnant, the baby already has a built in set of parents – a father and a mother. That’s the way God designed things because God knows children need both a father and a mother.

But that’s not all – mothers need husbands/fathers, and fathers need wives/mothers. Until you have children, you cannot fully grasp how challenging, physically exhausting, frustrating, and emotionally draining motherhood can be, even under the best of circumstances with a husband. You also have no idea what a joy motherhood can be, and how your loneliness will exponentially increase without a husband to share that joy with.

Compounding the stress on a single foster mother is the fact that children who need foster care have usually spent quite some time in a horrific home situation. They’ve been abused, neglected, abandoned, exposed to drugs, violence, and other unspeakable atrocities. Those things do great damage to children, and, as a result, they often arrive at their foster homes with severe emotional and behavioral problems. And you won’t have a husband to help you. All of that will fall on you to handle, alone.

Consider also, that, unless you’re independently wealthy, if you’re a single woman, you’re going to be working full time. You’re going to take a child who needs extra attention, who’s likely to have been neglected or abandoned and turn around and abandon him again to a daycare or babysitter every day while you’re working. Even if you work from home, your attention won’t be fully focused on him. He doesn’t need that. He needs to be someone’s first priority for a change.

A foster child needs to be someone’s first priority for a change.

Perhaps the most important thing to ponder is this: What’s your motive for wanting to foster or adopt? Is it because you want children, and, without a husband, this seems like the best way to get them? Or, is it because God has given you a desire to help and minister to hurting children? In other words, is your motive “me-focused” or “ministry-focused”?

Is your motive “me-focused” or “ministry-focused”?

Forgive me for being overly direct, but if your motive is me-focused, single or married, you are the last person who should be fostering children. Me-focused people are what lands children in foster care in the first place.

God didn’t create children to make you feel fulfilled. We all want things in life that God has said no to, and God’s prescription for that is not to try to circumvent His “no” with loopholes like foster care, but to learn to be content in the circumstances in which He has placed us.

…I learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in abundance; in any and all things I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:11-13

God didn’t create children to make you feel fulfilled.

If you think your motive might be me-focused, may I make a suggestion? Take your eyes off your desire for children and refocus them on studying, meditating on, and memorizing Philippians 4. (Yes, the whole chapter. It’s only 23 verses long. You can do it!)

If your motive is truly ministry-focused, there are a number of ways you can minister to children besides becoming a single foster mother. Scripture tells us…

So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

Galatians 6:10

…so start with your church. Set up an appointment with your pastor or the appropriate elder and explain your desire to minister to children with your church’s support.

  • Ask about ways to get involved with the children’s ministry at your church.
  • Volunteer to teach or help in children’s Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, Bible Drill, parents’ night out, or other children’s ministries.
  • Are there single parents in your church who need a hand with the kids from time to time?
  • Are there married couples -especially those who live far from family- who would welcome an “adopted” aunt or grandma (or at least occasional free babysitting) for their children?
  • Are there disadvantaged children who attend children’s outreach activities at your church whose parents aren’t members? Perhaps you could befriend the parent(s) and help out with their children.

If you already minister to children connected to your church and still have time to do more, look into ways you could minister to children in your community without parenting them.

  • Perhaps emergency foster care or respite foster care would be an option.
  • Maybe there’s a parachurch or community organization (for example: Big Brothers / Big Sisters or something similar) that needs volunteers.
  • Does your denomination have a children’s home or orphanage? (Mine does.) Contact them to find out how to minister to the resident children.

Though, generally speaking, single women should not foster or adopt, exceptional or emergency situations involving family or close loved ones may arise that make it necessary: Your unmarried sister is sent to jail for 18 months, and you’re the only relative who can take her children in. You’re 22 and somewhat established in a good job and a decent place to live, and your parents die in a car accident, leaving behind your 16 year old brother who will be grown and out on his own in a few years.

In exceptional or emergency situations, I would urge you to first consider if you are truly the only option. Children in these situations still need a mother and a father, and the mother and father need each other.

If you are, indeed, the only option for these children, set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel, ask about any resources he’s aware of, and ask your church for prayer, help, and support. You’re going to need it, and the children in your care will too.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Alcohol at church events?… Wife insists on false doctrine… Is Allie a false teacher?… FYI: Josh Buice)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

My husband was just recently selected as pastor of a nearby church. This is his first pastorate. We didn’t know before he accepted the position, but it seems that alcohol is sometimes present at fellowships. The women at the church had a little fellowship after finishing a Bible study series and from pictures on FB, I already see wine. So as a new pastor’s wife, how do I even go about that? I will soon be at those studies and fellowships and I don’t know how to go about that with love. Do I just say right there and then that it’s not prudent or wait till afterwards and say something? Seems this will be one of the things my husband will have to tackle due to the last pastorate being weak. Thank you for your time.

There can be a pretty big learning curve when it comes to transitioning from “regular church member” to “pastor’s wife”. Church members view you differently, you view yourself differently, and there’s the constant self-inflicted pressure to be a good reflection on your husband.

Usually, the best thing to do is to ask your husband how he wants you to handle things, and I would definitely recommend you do that in this situation. But as you’re asking him, and handling things accordingly, here are a few things to keep in mind:

⛪︎ Drinking alcohol, in and of itself, is not intrinsically sinful. If it were, Jesus Himself would have been a sinner. While there are many good reasons to seriously consider the wisdom and the witness of drinking alcohol -as an individual or at church functions- the Bible only prohibits drunkenness. The Bible does not have a zero tolerance policy toward alcohol (in fact, in some passages, God speaks about it in a very positive way). So that’s something to keep in mind when you go to the Bible studies and fellowships. As long as no one’s getting drunk, these women are not sinning. You need to be sure you’re not thinking about this as a sin issue, but as a wisdom issue.

⛪︎ I would not automatically assume that alcohol is acceptable at church functions because the previous pastor was “weak” – in other words, that he just let the congregation run wild and was too cowardly to address sin in the camp. That could be what happened, but there could also be another explanation. Some generally doctrinally sound, theologically conservative churches believe that, because drinking alcohol is not a sin, it’s OK to offer it right alongside the tea and cokes and water bottles at fellowships and other events. That could be another explanation.

⛪︎ “You can’t turn the Titanic around on a dime.” A pastor friend of mine once gave me that valuable piece of advice. In the first few weeks or couple of months of your husband’s new pastorate, he’s probably noticed dozens of things in this church that need correction. If he has determined that alcohol at fellowships is one of those things, you need to trust him to address it whenever and in whatever way he thinks is best. And that might take a while, because this issue might not be at the top of his list of “Urgent Things that Need Fixing Immediately”. Trust your husband and trust God to guide your husband and give him wisdom.

⛪︎ Lead by example. “How do I go about that?” you asked. There’s really no need for you to “go about” anything. While you’re waiting for and trusting your husband to address the issue, go to the fellowships and Bible studies, have a good time, and drink something non-alcoholic. No big whoop. If someone notices over time that you’re not drinking alcohol and asks you about it, just quietly, briefly, and biblically explain to her (not the whole room – it’ll get around, trust me) why you personally have chosen not to drink. (That means you’ll need to search the Scriptures and pray about it so you’ll be clear in your own heart and mind why you’ve made this choice and will be able to articulate it to others.) Those simple, quiet acts may just set an example the ladies would like to follow and the issue may take care of itself.

But all that being said, talk to your husband about it, ask him how he’d like you to handle (or not handle) things, and do that.

A few months into my marriage, I became uncomfortable with the theology and denomination my wife and I were in when we got married. Over time, I recognized unbiblical practices and false teachings, which were not apparent to me during courtship. As a result, I left the ministry four years ago, and my wife and I now have one child.

Unfortunately, in my attempt to bring her along with me, I took some wrong steps, for which I have apologized. However, I remain deeply concerned about the influence of these teachings on our relationship and our son. When I expressed my opposition to her taking him to the meetings, she repeatedly threatened to leave the marriage if I tried to intervene. This ongoing conflict has led me to decide that I do not wish to have more children with her as long as she continues this practice.

I would greatly appreciate your perspective on this situation.

That is definitely a tough one, brother, and my heart goes out to you.

I would encourage you to do a deep dive on these Scriptures and walk them out in your marriage. (on the 1 Peter passage, do verse 7, and do a husbandly version of verses 1-6).

As you’re doing that, I would also encourage you -if you’re now in a doctrinally sound church- to set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel and discipleship about this. He may counsel you himself or he may introduce you to a “Titus 2” godly older man in the church who can walk you through this.

If you’re not already a member of a doctrinally sound church, two recommendations:

  • Go to the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, and find a good church. Then contact the pastor, explain your situation, and ask if he can help.
  • If it’s taking you a while to find a good church, while you’re still looking, go to the Biblical Counseling Resources tab in that same blue menu bar, and contact an ACBC certified biblical counselor in your area for help. (Biblical counseling is completely different from “Christian counseling”. I would not recommend traditional Christian counseling.)

I am confused. I thought any time someone is associated with false teachers that person is considered a false teachers as well? But yet, [someone like Allie Beth Stuckey] isn’t considered a false teacher?

First, a little background information for those who aren’t aware. Allie Beth Stuckey is the conservative Christian host of the widely popular podcast, Relatable. When she first started out, her main focus was discussing politics from a conservative viewpoint. As time went by, her show became increasingly theological in nature. Unfortunately, as that dynamic unfolded it also became increasingly apparent that Allie is sadly lacking in discernment, and I eventually had to remove her from my recommends for that reason. (More here.)

It recently came to light that Allie is planning to yoke, once again, with some egregious* false teachers. She will be speaking at Thinq Summit 2025 (formerly Q Conference / Q-ideas), founded and run by Gabe and Rebekah Lyons. Here’s my Instagram post about it:

*When I say “egregious,” I’m not exaggerating. The people she has been yoking with lately are not Christians with minor differences on minor matters. Lisa Bevere is a literal NAR heretic, and the Lyonses are so progressive and woke I’m surprised they still pass as “Christians” to anyone, lost or saved.

I also posted about this on my Facebook page, and that’s where this reader’s question came from. Let me see if I can help clear things up.

Yoking with false teachers is a sin. The Bible commands us time and again to have nothing to do with false teachers (much less join with them in any endeavor, especially under the banner of a “Christian” event). When Scripture tells us not to do something and we do it anyway, that’s a sin. Allie is committing a sin by yoking with these false teachers.

But a false teacher is someone who sins by teaching false doctrine. At the moment (and as far as I know) the doctrine Allie believes and proclaims is still, generally, biblical and sound. However, as 1 Corinthians 15:33 tells us: “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” This is not just true of our personal morals and behavior, but the same principle holds true for our doctrine and beliefs. Associating with false teachers can lead us astray from sound doctrine. This is one of the reasons why the Scriptures I linked above command us not to have anything to do with false teachers.

In other words, by continually associating with false teachers, someone’s beliefs and doctrine can be corrupted and she could become a false teacher herself. I do not think that has happened to Allie yet. Allie’s situation at the moment is similar to Josh Buice’s situation. She is a high profile, doctrinally sound Christian who has sinned.

…and speaking of Josh Buice…

If you don’t know what transpired last week, click the link above to get it straight from the horse’s mouth of G3 Ministries.

Because Josh is under church discipline and is likely permanently disqualified from ministry, I have removed him from my list of Recommended Bible Teachers, Authors, Etc. And since G3 has decided to remove all of Josh’s content from their website, I will also be removing links to his materials from all of my articles because those links will no longer be functional. This is going to take a long time because I’m just going to remove them as I come across them, and there are a lot of them. If you’d like to help me out, drop me an email, PM/DM, blog or social media comment if you’re reading one of my articles and come across a link to something of his so I can remove it. Thanks.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Discernment, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Shack up shenanigans… Church library discernment… Adding recommended teachers)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

I have a friend who is living with someone she is not married to. She professes to be a Christian. I don’t see or talk to her much as she lives a couple of hours away. I have been invited to spend the weekend with her. I don’t want to go as I don’t want her to think I condone her living situation. How do I graciously bring up this violation of God’s instructions to us regarding sexual immorality?

I’m so sorry your friend’s sin has put you in this difficult situation. I know it’s uncomfortable and awkward, and you’re probably afraid you’re going to offend her and maybe even lose your relationship with her as a result of this situation.

But I want you (and all of my readers who are in awkward situations similar to this) to remember that your friend is the one at fault here for all of this awkwardness and potential hurt feelings, not you. She caused this situation by her sin, and if she doubles down on that sin when you talk to her about it, she will also be at fault for any other negative results that transpire, not you. That’s what sin does. It ruins everything it touches, it impacts areas of our lives we never dreamed it would, and it affects our relationships with the people we love.

I agree it would probably be wisest not to stay overnight with your friend and her shack up. It will seem to her as though you have no problem with her sinful living arrangement. However, accepting or declining the invitation may not be your only two options. What about the possibilities of either making it a day trip (and not spending the night at all), or accepting the invitation, but staying in a hotel or somewhere else besides under her roof? That way, you could spend time with your friend and have the opportunity to call her to repentance, face to face.

This would also give you the chance to share the gospel with her. I know she professes to be a Christian, but it’s important that we believe God over sinful human beings, and God says:

And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, truly in him the love of God has been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.

1 John 2:3-6

Yes, Christians fall into sin, but Christians also repent. We do not gleefully jump into the pool of sin and swim around in it for extended periods of time. We hate our sin. We feel guilt and conviction over our sin. And we repent. That’s one of the fruits of genuine conversion. Likewise, living in sin without conviction, repentance, etc., is the fruit of someone who is lost, regardless of what she might claim, because God says so.

I would encourage you to go and spend some time with your friend (without spending the night at her house) if at all possible. The Lord has put you – someone who cares for her and knows the Truth – into her life to be salt and light to her.

How to do it graciously? Reassure her of your love for her and that if you didn’t truly love her, you wouldn’t be addressing this with her. And then just tell her the truth. She claims to be a Christian. She’s living in direct violation of God’s Word. She needs to repent and change her ways.

Saying all of this graciously and kindly doesn’t mean she won’t get mad at you and break off the relationship. She might do just that because she loves her sin more than she loves you and certainly more than she loves Christ. No amount of graciousness and kindness on your part can prevent that.

And as strong, godly Christian women, we have to be OK with that. We serve a Savior who was despised and rejected by men. Is a disciple above his teacher or a slave above his master?

“A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a slave above his master. It is enough for the disciple that he become like his teacher, and the slave like his master. If they have called the head of the house Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household!

“Therefore do not fear them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for an assarion? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

“Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven.

“Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household.

“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.

Matthew 10:24-39

The gospel divides. And we are always called to stand with Jesus on His side of the divide.

I am wondering if you lead or have a ladies discernment class/group at your church? How do you handle discernment in your own church – formally or informally? The pushback I’m getting as I clear out our library (I’m the recent Library Chairwoman) has been a surprise to me. I’m wondering if I need to request to my Pastor to start a discernment group either as a Sunday School offering or as a study. I have no idea what resources outside of the Bible I would need, and any direction/ suggestions you could give would be great! 💜 Thank you so much for all you do!

It’s always a challenge when the pastor wants to move the church in a more discerning direction, and sometimes the pushback isn’t pleasant.

We do not have standing groups or classes at my church specifically centered around discernment. It’s just part of our regular sermons, Sunday School lessons, and discipleship classes whenever it comes up in the biblical text we’re studying, just like forgiveness or patience or prayer or any other biblical principle.

But if your church has really had no instruction in discernment, it’s probably best to spend some focused time on it. It would be best and most biblical if your pastor took the lead on this. It’s in his job description / qualifications, after all:

He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

Titus 1:9

It’s up to him how he addresses it – a sermon series, a discipleship seminar, maybe invite Justin Peters in to teach, or whatever. My only suggestion would be that it shouldn’t be framed as a “discernment group“. That makes it sound like a special group only for those who are interested (like a knitting group or a bowling group), when this is an important biblical principle and command for every Christian, “interested” or not. Everyone in your church needs to be instructed in discernment. It’s not optional.

Once your pastor decides how he’d like to handle things, if he’d like you to undergird his teaching with the women, I have two suggestions:

◦ I’ve written a Bible study on discernment. It’s called Choose What Is Right: A Study in Discernment, and you can find it (along with all the other studies I’ve written) at the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. All of my studies are free, available 24/7, and suitable for groups or individuals.

◦ How about making it fun and letting me do the heavy lifting? If you’d like to set up a women’s conference at your church, I’d be delighted to come and teach on the topic of discernment (other topics available too!). Just go back up to the blue menu bar at the top of this page and click on the Speaking Engagements tab for all the details.

One more piece of advice that’s probably a little too late for you but might spare another reader and/or her pastor: the church library can be a bit of a golden calf for some church members, and for various reasons. When a solid pastor friend of mine decided to finally pull the trigger on cleaning out his church’s years’ neglected library of all the fluff and false doctrine, he went about it in a very wise way.

He told none of the church members about it. He went into the library, assessed it, and assigned one of the other pastors’ wives (who was discerning and had been itching to get in there and clean house) to the task. He told her what he wanted removed and told her to come to him with anything else questionable. It was done quickly, quietly, and most importantly, with little to no pushback. That’s what I’d recommend.

Thank you for your list of Recommended Bible Teachers, Authors, etc.! This is great! Can you please add Pastor _____ from _____ Church?

You’re welcome! I’m glad that’s a helpful resource.

Typically, when this kind of request is made, it’s about a pastor, author, etc. that I’ve never heard of. And let me just say, I’m thrilled – THRILLED – that there are so many good ones out there that I haven’t heard of most of them. There are good, doctrinally sound teachers out there, it’s just that most of them are not well known. Don’t be discouraged, thinking there’s nothing out there but false teachers!

But just as a general answer to this question, no, I probably won’t add the person you’re suggesting. The people on the recommended teachers list are people I feel comfortable proactively recommending because I know them personally and/or I’ve personally listened to them long enough (think: years) to know, from first hand experience, that they’re solid.

You’re welcome to keep suggesting people. I might listen to them. But if I do add them, it’s going to be a while.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag, Movies

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Help me understand Scripture… “The King of Kings” reviews… Thoughts on “House of David”)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

This follower responded to a Facebook post of mine encouraging women to avoid Tara Leigh Cobble…

I have been reading The Bible Recap and what I have loved was [Tara Leigh Cobble] explaining the Scriptures to me after, which is helpful. I struggle with understanding Scripture and need it broken down for me. Can you recommend something like this for me?

I’m so glad you asked! I can actually recommend something much better! You may have already done some of these, but I want to answer this question for anyone who might happen across this article.

📖 Make sure you have been genuinely born again. Genuine Believers are indwelt by the Holy Spirit who illumines (supernaturally helps us understand) Scripture to us. First Corinthians 2:14 tells us that’s why lost people (even false converts – those who think they’re saved, but aren’t) aren’t able to understand Scripture. Carefully and prayerfully consider the Scriptures and materials at the What Must I Do to Be Saved tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page), and make sure you’ve repented and believed the biblical gospel.

But a natural man does not accept the depths of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually examined.

1 Corinthians 2:14

📖 Make sure you’re joined to a doctrinally sound local church. (Check out the Searching for a new church? tab if you need help.) Another reason someone might not understand Scripture is that she’s not in a good, solid, Bible believing, Bible teaching church, so she’s not being taught Scripture or how to understand it.

📖 Make sure you have a trustworthy translation of the Bible that’s easy for you to understand. My article The Mailbag: Which Bible Do You Recommend? has some helpful hints for translations to consider, and to avoid.

📖 Get plugged in to your church and attend faithfully (every Sunday morning at a minimum unless you’re sick or otherwise absolutely can’t go; preferably also Sunday night and midweek if your church has services those days). Sit under good preaching from your pastor, and join a Sunday School or Bible study class. Take every opportunity to study and learn Scripture at your church where your pastor and elders can have oversight over the Bible study classes you’re in to make sure they don’t go wonky.

📖 Ask a godly, older woman to disciple you according to Titus 2:3-5. If you don’t know someone like that at your church, ask your pastor for help.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may instruct the young women in sensibility: to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be slandered.

Titus 2:3-5

📖 Put aside The Bible Recap and any other “canned” studies (Bible study books, workbooks, programs, etc.), you’re using, and study straight from the text of Scripture in a systematic way. If you’ve never done that before, check out some of the studies I’ve written at the Bible Studies tab. My studies are designed to teach you how to study straight from the Bible in a “learn by doing” sort of way. Try a couple (they’re all free), and once you get the hang of it, you won’t have to rely on anyone else’s studies – even mine – any more. Or, you could just pick up your Bible, choose a book, begin with chapter 1, verse 1, and study it through to the end.

📖 Pray before you study. Start your Bible study time by asking God to help you understand His Word, to speak to you from it, to learn what He wants you to learn from it, and to obey its instruction. This is a God who loves you and wants you to know Him. He has told you that you can ask for wisdom and understanding and He promises to give it to you. Asking God to help you understand His Word is a prayer He delights to answer.

📖 As you’re studying your Bible, listening to the sermons at church, and learning in your Bible study classes, if you have a question about something, ask your pastor, elders, Bible study teacher, or the woman who’s discipling you.

The reason all of these things are better than a “canned” Bible study alternative to The Bible Recap is that all of these things I’ve outlined above are God’s plan for us to learn His Word. God’s plan is for us to learn His Word through the local church, not from strangers on the internet, in books, and so on. It’s fine to occasionally supplement what you’re learning in church and your personal Bible study time with a good book, podcast, or sermon (see the Recommended Bible Teachers, Authors, etc. tab for some suggestions), but your primary source of Bible teaching should be your local church.

Have you seen the movie King of Kings? Are you going to write a review of it?

Haven’t seen it. Not planning to see it or write a review of it unless God picks me up by the hair and plunks me down into a theater that’s showing it (for free – I’m not going to financially support it by buying a ticket).

However, if you’re looking for a trustworthy review, I would highly recommend this one from my friend, Pastor Gabriel Hughes…

WWUTT 2385 Q&A Jesus Movies, The King of Kings Review, Is This a Good Thing

or the TLDL version – his two minute WWUTT video review (sorry, can’t redact what some of y’all will consider a 2CV {second Commandment violation} on this one)…

…or this two part commentary and review from Wretched:

Part 1: Why King of Kings Misses the Mark on True Christianity

Part 2: Why King of Kings Misses the Mark on True Christianity

Photo courtesy of IMDb

However, I did watch season 1 of the Amazon Prime series, House of David, because these “Bible” shows are just train wrecks I can’t seem to look away from. Here’s my mini-review (because I’m not writing a real review). Spoilers follow:

So far (that’s the focal phrase in this sentence) – although there are definitely some biblical issues with the content of the episodes (I didn’t look into any of the actors or any behind the scenes stuff. I just watched the show. And not super carefully. I needed something to watch while folding laundry.) – so far, it seems more biblically accurate than The Chosen. And, yeah, I realize that’s not saying much. And no, I don’t hold out any hope that it won’t get worse. And no, I don’t think they’re going to get the theology surrounding David as a type of Christ – or any other theological points – right.

The actor playing David is adorable, but by about the third episode (out of eight), I was done with his (or whoever dubbed it) whiny, nasally singing. I’ll be reaching for the mute button on that from here on out.

The general posture of animosity towards David from his brothers and father? I’ve read the biblical account a bunch of times, and I’ve never gotten that impression, have you?

Goliath: Turn the captions on because you’re not going to be able to understand a word he says.

Here’s some info. on the mythology they’re using about David’s mother: Does the Bible mention David’s mother?

Samuel: I like him, but what about a hair and beard cut? At least he doesn’t have a man bun. Yet.

Lots of visions in this show (David, Saul, etc.) that are mentioned nowhere in Scripture.

The way they’re portraying Saul’s mental problems (or whatever you want to call them), minus the weird apparitions of Amalek, are about the way I have always pictured them. Some theologians think Saul was bi-polar. I think it was either that or demon possession or oppression. Anyway, it seems true to life.

Goliath threw a spear and injured David before David killed him? Yeah… no. The text doesn’t say that. That’s your “artistic license” coming in to “improve” on a story that’s already perfect.

“What’s my purpose?” “Find your purpose.” Purpose, purpose, purpose. Is Rick Warren getting any royalties off this show? If not, he might want to look into that.

Greg Laurie wrote an accompanying devotional for the show. Miss me with that. I’m going to tell you like we told you with The Chosen devotionals / “Bible” studies: If you want a Bible study on this story, God already wrote it. Pick up your Bible and read it. That way you know you’re getting the truth.

What did I forget? Got specific questions? Comment below.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Nursing Home Ministry Questions

Michelle Lesley

Originally published July 26, 2021

I recently received some questions about nursing home ministry, so I thought I’d put all the answers I’ve given in the past in one post so they’d be handy.

Originally published January 22, 2018:
The Mailbag:
Men attending women’s Bible study class at nursing home

A female relative of mine teaches a women’s Bible study at a Catholic nursing home (my relative is a Protestant Christian). Sometimes, a male resident or two – none of whom are saved – will wander in and attend her class. Occasionally, one of them attempts to correct her according to Catholic doctrine. Even though she’s not technically teaching “in the church” (1 Timothy 2:12) she’s uncomfortable with men attending the class, as well as with having to biblically correct their unscriptural Catholic doctrine. On the other hand, she shares the gospel every time she teaches, and she doesn’t want to turn away anyone who might receive the good news and be saved. What should she do?

I love it when Christians think deeply about issues like this. It is encouraging to interact with godly people who want to be obedient to Christ, and it pushes me to desire to obey Him better myself.

Foreword:

Just to lay a quick foundation for my answer to this question, it needs to be understood that people who currently believe and practice Catholic doctrine as it is written in Catholic documents are not saved. There are numerous unbiblical beliefs Catholics hold to (which I will not go into right now because that’s beyond the scope of this article) but for the purposes of understanding my answer, in a nutshell, the Catholic religion does not teach salvation by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone (in fact, Catholicism anathematizes {condemns to Hell} anyone who teaches this), works must be included in the salvation process. If you believe your own good works play any part in earning your salvation, you are not saved. Salvation is all of Christ, and Christ alone.

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I am assuming that whoever invited this teacher to teach a Bible study in the nursing home knows that she is Protestant and will be teaching Protestant (biblical) doctrine. I am also assuming that the person who invited her to teach is OK with this. I would not advise someone to give the appearance of teaching in compliance with Catholic doctrine and then surreptitiously “sneaking in” Protestant doctrine. That’s deceitful and dishonest, and it would be understandable for the Catholic residents to be correcting her.

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If you’re unclear as to why having men in her Bible study class is a dilemma for the female teacher, I’d encourage you to read these two articles before moving on to my answer:

Jill in the Pulpit

Rock Your Role FAQs (this article expands on my brief comments below)

Here are my thoughts on the issue:

1. If the people attending the study are Catholic, then the female teacher is evangelizing the lost outside of the church, not discipling (teaching) Believers who are the church, unless some of those attending the study have gotten saved (the question indicates none of the male “drop ins” are saved). Evangelism falls under the “do” of the Great Commission, not the “don’t” of 1 Timothy 2:12. (see #11)

2. We always have to keep the definition of “church” in mind when we’re talking about women teaching or holding authority over men “in the church.” The gathered body of Believers is the church, not the building in which they meet. The mere fact that a group meets in a nursing home, house, park, community center, or other edifice that isn’t a church building doesn’t automatically mean a woman is free to teach men (see #7). It doesn’t automatically mean she can’t teach them either.

3. If the male attendees are being disruptive and introducing false doctrine, the teacher is well within her biblical rights and wisdom to say that this a women’s only group and exclude the men. (The same would apply to excluding any women who behave the same way.)

4. If, at some point, genuinely regenerated men begin attending the class because they want to be taught the Bible, praise God! The best case scenario would be for the teacher to go to her pastor, explain the dilemma, and have him ask one of the associate pastors, elders, or another appropriate male church member to volunteer to teach the men.

Originally published February 18, 2019
The Mailbag: Potpourri (Prayer quilts, Discouraged husband, Jesus Calling at the CPC…)

I need some direction. I’ve been teaching/sharing God’s Word at a nursing home for over two years on Sunday mornings. We have mostly women, but there are two men who join us. I was asked by the nursing home to lead our little church because they haven’t been able to find any men willing to do it. That’s my dilemma, I know Paul said he wouldn’t allow a woman to teach men, I don’t know how to handle this. I myself am not part of any other church, so I don’t have a pastor to help. I’ve reached out to some churches, but no one is getting back to me. Since we can’t find a man willing to lead, am I okay to keep doing what I’m doing? 

That is quite the dilemma! Let me see if I can help.

You started your e-mail by saying, “I need some direction,” so I hope you’ll be open to some direction that’s in a bit of a different direction than the one you’re asking about.

It’s wonderful that you’re wanting to help out at the nursing home and teach God’s Word. We need more women in mercy ministries like this, and I’m sure you’re a joy and a blessing to the ladies. But I’m afraid there’s a bigger issue you need to deal with than whether or not to be teaching at the nursing home.

You need to find a doctrinally sound church, become a member of it, and attend and serve it faithfully. Church membership, fellowship, and service are not optional for Christians (Basic Training: 7 Reasons Church is Not Optional and Non-Negotiable for Christians).

The Bible knows nothing of unchurched Christians, and serving at the nursing home is not a reason not to be joined to a local church. You could always serve at the nursing home on Sunday afternoons after worshiping at your own church, or serve on another day. If you’re asking around at churches for someone to volunteer on Sunday mornings, this is why you’re not getting much of a response – you’re contacting churches. Pastors and their church members are supposed to be in church on Sunday mornings, not somewhere else.

I know you might be thinking that your group of ladies at the nursing home is your church because you called it “our little church”. It might be an awesome group of ladies with super close fellowship, but what you have there is a women’s Bible study class, not a church. It doesn’t have a pastor, elders, or deacons. It doesn’t have a membership, so there’s no mechanism for church discipline. Nobody is giving offerings or serving the Body. You’re not performing the ordinances of baptism and the Lord’s Supper (I hope). This is not a church.

Have you ever been on an airplane and noticed that when the flight attendant gives the safety instructions, she always tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others with theirs? It’s good advice in this situation too. Right now, you’re disobeying Scripture by not being joined to a local church, so you’re setting a sinful example for your ladies while simultaneously teaching them that they need to obey God’s Word. Put your mask on first. Repent and join a local church. You also need to be sitting under good preaching and teaching at your own church so you’ll have something to give these ladies and to keep your own theology on track so you can make sure what you’re teaching them doesn’t veer off into false doctrine. Put your mask on first. You can’t help other people breathe if you’re passing out from lack of oxygen. Finally, joining a local church will fix the problem you mentioned of, “I don’t have a pastor to help.” If you’ll put your mask on first by finding a good church to join, you will have a pastor, elders, deacons, and lots of other men to help.

When we do things God’s way, in God’s order, most of the secondary things, like your dilemma about the men at the nursing home, tend to fall into place. Tell you what. You find a good church to join – maybe one of the ones you contacted for help (check out the “Searching for a new church?” tab at the top of this page if you need it) – get plugged in, and ask your pastor for some help with this. If he can’t or won’t help you, write me back, and we’ll go from there, OK? I’ll bet you won’t need to.

Originally published July 5, 2021
The Mailbag: Asked and Answered

Is it appropriate for a woman chaplain to teach men, evangelizing and then answering questions using the Bible to present truth in nursing home one on one or in a coed worship service at the nursing home?

I think I must have a number of followers who visit and care for those in nursing homes, because I’ve received several questions over the years about nursing home ministry. Can I just take a moment to say – thank you so much. What a blessing and an encouragement you must be to those precious ladies and gentlemen.

Let’s unravel your question just a bit because there are several issues at play:

First of all, should a woman even be a chaplain? I don’t want to give an across the board “no” because “chaplain” is such a catch-all term these days, and different organizations (hospitals, prisons, the military, nursing homes, etc.) probably all have different job descriptions for their chaplains which may or may not require a woman in that position to violate Scripture.

But if I were asked, “Should women be chaplains?” and I had to give a yes or no answer, my answer would be no, for the simple reason that most lost people (or even Christians) aren’t going to differentiate a chaplain from a pastor. To them, a chaplain is just a pastor who works in a hospital (or wherever) instead of a church. And it’s unbiblical for women to be pastors, so you don’t want to give the evil appearance of someone living in unrepentant sin. Even if you’re not technically violating Scripture in your position, you appear to be.

OK, for your next several questions, it’s immaterial whether or not these things take place in a nursing home:

Is it OK for women to evangelize (share the plan of salvation with a lost person) and answer biblical questions one on one with a man? Yes. Carefully and with wisdom: Rock Your Role FAQs #11

Is it OK for a woman to evangelize (share the plan of salvation with lost people) a co-ed group? Not if she’s essentially preaching a sermon and functioning as a preacher, which is what I’m inferring by your use of the term “worship service”. Rock Your Role FAQs #11

If it’s something more akin to you hanging out with 5 or 6 friends, some male and some female, and you start sharing the gospel with them, that’s different. That’s really more like a one on one situation.

Is it OK for a woman to preach/teach in or lead a co-ed worship service? No, regardless of the venue or her title. Rock Your Role FAQs #7 Rock Your Role: Jill in the Pulpit

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.