Author: Michelle Lesley

Servant of Christ, wife, mother, churchwoman, women's discipleship blogger, podcaster, and speaker.
Parenting

Do You Trust God with Your Kids?: 8 Ways to Parent Your Children Like God “Parents” You

Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 29, 2018

The world can be a scary place if you have kids. There’s the danger of online predators luring kids into meeting them in person. Kids can take inappropriate pictures of themselves or their peers only to have those pictures spread around on the web. Porn sites abound. Drugs and alcohol seem to be easy for kids to come by. There are kidnappers and sex traffickers and child molesters lurking where you least expect them, even in the church. And, society would have us believe, every teenager is having sex.

It’s a blessing from God that there are so many ways to protect our kids. There are all kinds of software locks and blocks and filters you can put on your electronics in order to keep your kids safer when it comes to technology. There are phone apps that allow you to track your child’s location, and do it yourself drug testing kits, and breathalyzer attachments you can put on your car to keep your child from driving drunk. And then there are the more “analog” precautions of keeping the family computer in a common room, scrolling through your child’s phone log every day and asking about each call or text, banning sleepovers, and never letting her spend time alone with friends.

Certainly, we should use wisdom about the activities we let our kids take part in. Maybe some of those locks, blocks, and filters, or restrictions on places she can go and people she can see would be a wise idea for your family, especially if your child has proved herself untrustworthy with the freedom you’ve already given her.

But, increasingly, as I hear Christian parents in a near frenzy about installing multiple security measures on their electronics or the car and making all kinds of restrictions on activities with friends – not to clamp down on a rebellious child, but to prevent children from getting into trouble who have never showed any signs of rebellion – I have to wonder, what’s the foundational mindset here?

Increasingly, as I hear Christian parents in a near frenzy about preventing their children from getting into trouble, I have to wonder – what’s the foundational mindset here?

Are we putting these safety measures in place because we’ve prayed about it and  believe it’s reasonable, godly wisdom, or are we putting these safety measures in place because we’re fearful of evil and trust devices and restrictions more than we trust God and our kids? For the Christian, it’s not that it’s wrong or bad to take precautions – indeed, God doesn’t want us to be careless or foolish – it’s the motivation for the precautions we take that we need to examine.

It’s not wrong to take reasonable precautions, but are we putting these safety measures in place because we’re fearful of evil and trust devices and restrictions more than we trust God and our kids?

Do we really trust God with our kids, or are we taking matters into our own hands out of fear?

Trusting God can be scary. We can’t see Him, hear Him, or touch Him, and He never promised us a life free from difficult or painful circumstances. It’s much easier and more comforting to our flesh to trust something tangible. Something that guarantees us it’ll do what we want it to do. It reminds me of an event that took place toward the end of King Asa’s life in 2 Chronicles 16.

Asa was one of the good kings of Judah. He “did what was good and right in the eyes of the Lord his God. He took away the foreign altars and the high places and broke down the pillars and cut down the Asherim and commanded Judah to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, and to keep the law and the commandment.” (2 Chronicles 14:2-4) But one day, Baasha, king of Israel, came up against Judah. Did Asa cry out to the Lord, trusting Him to help, as he had years before when the Ethiopian army came out against him? No. Asa’s response was to gather up a truckload of silver and gold from the palace and the temple and bribe the king of Syria to break his covenant with Israel and attack them. Instead of fully trusting in the Lord and seeking His help and guidance, Asa took matters into his own hands and attempted to protect Judah with his own strength.

We love our children. We don’t want to see them hurt or fall into sin. We want to do whatever we can to protect them. Those are all good and godly desires of the heart. But we must make sure we are seeking and trusting God and His ways first instead of acting upon our fears and relying on our own strength.

We must make sure we are seeking and trusting God and His ways first instead of acting upon our fears and relying on our own strength.

What are God’s ways? How does He “Father” us? How can we imitate our Heavenly Father as we parent?

1. God makes clear that He is the Father and we are the children.

Throughout Scripture, God is crystal clear that He is the one in charge. He made us, He sets the rules, He provides for us, He protects and cares for us, He knows what’s best for us. Because of all this, He instructs us, our responsibility is to be obedient children.

Do you and your children understand that you are the parent? That you are in charge and that they are to obey? That you make the rules and they are to follow them? Are the roles of parent and child clearly defined in your home with a godly authority structure in place?

2. God spells out what He expects from us.

The Bible is chock full of explicit commands. Sometimes God tells us what to do. Sometimes He tells us what not to do. Often, He explains why He is telling us to do or not do a certain thing. We can always rest assured that all of His commands are for our own good, the good of others, and the glory of God, and that they flow out of His great love for us. But God never accepts excuses for disobedience. He expects us to obey.

God never accepts excuses for disobedience. He expects us to obey.

Have you thoughtfully and prayerfully developed rules for the online and offline activities your child participates in? Have you sat her down and lovingly explained the rules to her, answering any questions she might have? Does she have a clear understanding of what the rules are and how to obey them? Does she grasp your expectation that she will obey the rules without excuses?

3. God warns us of the consequences and dangers of disobedience and the blessings of obedience.
God doesn’t hide the unpleasant truth from us that the wages of sin is death. In fact, He gives us enough of a description of that eternal death to help us understand that we don’t want to go there. He explains that He disciplines those He loves in order to keep them away from sin and harm. But God also reminds us of the blessings of obedience – that it will help us flourish, grow in joy, and bring glory to God.

God explains that He disciplines those He loves in order to keep them away from sin and harm. But God also reminds us of the blessings of obedience.

Have you warned your child of the consequences for disobeying your rules about her activities? Do you carefully and consistently enforce those consequences? Have you explained to her that the reason there are disciplinary consequences for her disobedience is to protect her from danger and sin? It’s neither necessary nor appropriate to go into all of the specific, terrifying details of child trafficking or the disgusting elements of pornography, but our children must have an age-appropriate understanding of the very real dangers that are out there.

And it’s just as important to explain the blessings of obedience to your child: she won’t have to live in fear or in shame, she’ll be protecting her purity for marriage, her health, or her life, her parents will trust her, and she’ll be acting in a way that’s pleasing to God. Maybe you’ll even be more inclined to give her extra privileges.

4. God doesn’t give the consequences before the sin.

Look at what Jesus said in Matthew 5:29-30 with regard to lust:

If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

Jesus doesn’t tell us to gouge out an eye or cut off a hand as a precaution to prevent lust that has not taken place. He tells us to respond to sin with an appropriate consequence.

God doesn’t give the consequences before the sin. Jesus doesn’t tell us to gouge out an eye or cut off a hand as a precaution to prevent lust that has not taken place. He tells us to respond to sin with an appropriate consequence.

Is there any way you might be “maiming” your child to prevent her from committing sin – especially sin she’s never shown an interest in or temptation to? Maybe it’s time to reconsider that rule or restriction? Conversely, do you have a child who struggles with a particular sin? She may need your love and your help mortifying that sin by “gouging out the eye” of the internet or “cutting off the hand” of that destructive friendship.

5. God wants our obedience to be motivated by our love for Him.

God doesn’t want us to obey Him because we have an unbiblical view of Him as a mean old ogre and we’re terrified of Him. He also doesn’t want us to obey Him in order to get something from Him, to impress others, or just to go through the motions. God wants us to want to obey Him because we love Him.

God wants us to *want* to obey Him because we love Him.

Have you fostered an environment of sacrificial love for your children in your home? Do you lay down what you want or how you feel to do what’s best for them? Do you invest time in them, pouring the gospel into them, teaching them God’s Word, and demonstrating that we obey Christ because we love Him? Do you take time to talk and play with your children? Do you tell them you’re proud of them? Discipline them and say no when necessary? Are you generous with hugs, “I love you’s”, and encouragement? Do you encourage them to develop their talents and skills? Having parents who love their children in a godly way doesn’t guarantee obedience, but it does encourage it.

6. God doesn’t micromanage every move we make.

At least not the way humans sometimes micromanage. Have you ever noticed that there are no commands in the Bible like, “Thou shalt wear blue socks every Tuesday,” or “Thou shalt not stay up past 11:38 p.m.”? Regulating every little thing we do isn’t God’s way. He loves us and cares for us, He tells us what He expects from us and the consequences of obeying and disobeying Him, and then He gives us space within those parameters to make decisions that are aligned with His will as revealed in His Word. As long as we’re not violating any of His principles or commands and we’re exercising godly wisdom, it’s fine with Him if we want to wear red socks on Tuesday or stay up until midnight.

Regulating every little thing we do isn’t God’s way. God doesn’t micromanage every move we make.

Our children need space to make decisions within the confines of the rules we’ve set up, especially children who haven’t given us any reason not to exercise reasonable trust in them. Nitpicking, checking, regulating, and hovering over every little move your child makes is smothering and frustrating to her. It says, “I don’t trust you to do what’s right without constant monitoring from me.”

7. God allows us to fail.

I once read the biography of a girl who went blind. She enrolled in a life skills class at a school for the blind to learn how to navigate the world. During orientation, her counselor showed her around the common room of the dorm she was staying in. The counselor took her hand, placed it on the protruding mantel of the fireplace and said, “This is a sharp corner. You’ll need to watch out for it.” The girl gasped, “That’s dangerous! Why don’t you put some padding on it?”. The counselor replied, “You need to learn to be careful and aware of your surroundings. Nobody’s going to pad the sharp corners of the world for you.”

God doesn’t pad the sharp corners of the world for us, either. He doesn’t put us in a protective little bubble where we’ll never be hurt or fail or sin. He gives us everything we need for life and godliness in His Word and allows us to obey or disobey Him. Even when we fail, give in to temptation, and sin.

God doesn’t pad the sharp corners of the world for us, either. He doesn’t put us in a protective little bubble where we’ll never be hurt or fail or sin.

Consider that your child needs to learn the skill of facing and resisting temptation on her own. Give her enough age appropriate, situation appropriate freedom to do that – and to fail at it and repent – in the spiritual safety of your home. One day you won’t be there to put a lock on the computer. God will hold her responsible for her own sin. Will your child have developed the spiritual strength to say no to temptation when there’s nobody to stop her?

8. God is always there.

He’s not a “helicopter parent,” but He’s always there to listen to us, help us, nurture us, and be our Wonderful Counselor and Everlasting Father.

If you are a parent, job one is not your career, it’s parenting. Generally speaking (yes, there are sometimes exceptions and exigent circumstances), that means, Mom, your primary vocation is to raise your own children. Don’t just assume you have to work outside the home. Pray fervently for God to make a way for you to raise your children. Be creative and look for ways to get out of the workforce and get home. Slash every possible expense. Move. Eat at home. Home school instead of private school. Sell a vehicle. Bargain hunt. Find a way to earn money from home. Make the effort. Your children don’t just need any random person to raise them, they need you.

Your children don’t just need any random person to raise them, they need you.

 

Are we imitating our Heavenly Father in the way we parent? Do we cry out to Him for wisdom in the rules and restrictions we set for our children, trusting Him to help us and to protect our children? Or do we live in fear of what might happen, worrying and trying to protect our children in our own strength?

As much as we’d like to sometimes, we can’t build walls around our children to protect them from every sin or from anything bad ever happening to them. That is not how God deals with us. He loves, cares, and provides for us. He disciplines us appropriately when we need it. He clearly spells out what He expects from us. He warns us of the dangers and consequences of disobedience and teaches us the blessings of obedience. It’s then up to us to decide whether we love Him enough to obey Him, or if we’d rather go our own way.

Do we parent our children like God “parents” us?

Do we parent our children like God “parents” us?

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (SDA… VBS… Women non-pastors going to Hell?… Divorce my second husband or face Hell?)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er, kinda? sometimes?) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

The Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) faith is very prominent where I live. I previously worked with many SDA, and I actually liked that they observed the Sabbath on Saturday because it meant that I worked on their [day of worship], so they worked on mine. Other than dietary restrictions, I didn’t find any of their core beliefs any different from my own. However, I’m sure some things simply weren’t discussed, so I’m not knowledgeable about all of their beliefs. Are you familiar with SDA? Would you classify them as Christian?

SDA is, at best, not doctrinally sound, and, at worst, a cult. Similarly to Mormonism, the New Apostolic Reformation, Oneness Pentecostalism, etc., it is a religion that identifies as “Christian” and uses unbiblically redefined Christian terminology.

Let me direct you to CARM, the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry, which has done far more research on SDA than I have. It is a great resource for information on cults, sects, and religions.

I’ve recently added the SDA link, as well as all of the other links below, to the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

Seventh-day Adventism

Jehovah’s Witnesses

Oneness Pentecostalism

King James Only-ism/KJV Only-ism

Islam

Henri Nouwen

Finneyism (Charles Finney)

I would like your opinion about VBS.  I know….i may sound critical or unchristian-like to feel differently about this annual event held at almost every church even though I have helped out in the past with VBS at our church but I walked away wondering about the effectiveness of it all.  On the final day of VBS, there were children that raised their hands to accept Jesus after a week of crafts, snacks, games, songs, dances, lights, colorful decorations. Did they truly know what the decision was truly about?  We never saw them or their families again.  I know when school is out for the year, parents put together a schedule of the dates and area churches where they can drop their kids off for VBS activities.  They see it all like it’s free child care. 

I read about one pastor who questioned the goals of VBS as well, seeing all the money spent and energy from all the volunteers, so willing to reach the unsaved.  He decided to redirect all the resources like the lessons, activities, and helpers for weekly Sunday School while reaching out, not just to the children, but also to the families. I guess my concern comes from seeing the trend in so many churches today, that are relying on entertainment more and more and less and less on the gospel. I know children need fun activities to engage them but I would like your thoughts on it all.

For those not in the know, VBS stands for Vacation Bible School. I explained what VBS is and gave a few of my thoughts about it in part 2 of our A Word Fitly Spoken podcast miniseries, That’s (Church) Life! – How to “Do Church”(cued):

I think every church needs to decide for itself whether or not VBS is a good choice for their particular circumstances and context.

Let’s see if I can address some of your more specific concerns:

I know….i may sound critical or unchristian-like to feel differently

This is a very important point to address. I’d like all of us diehard VBS-ers to take a deep breath, take a step back, and consciously grasp something here: VBS can be a very good thing, but is not indispensable. The church got along just fine without it for 2000 years, and any church today can also get along just fine without it.

Our sister’s comment here is indicative of the fact that VBS (and other church traditions) can sometimes be so engrained that it becomes an idol. And when a faithful Christian sister comes along and says, “I don’t think VBS is a fit for my church,” or, “Here’s an aspect of VBS I think is unbiblical,” or inefficient or whatever, and she feels like she’s got to brace herself against those who would accuse her of being “critical or unchristian-like to feel differently,” then the idolatry of VBS is a greater problem than the person questioning some aspect of it.

On the final day of VBS, there were children that raised their hands to accept Jesus…Did they truly know what the decision was truly about?

This is a huge problem, but it’s not the fault of VBS itself, it’s the fault of the pastor for allowing things to be done this way. This type of easy-believism, “Just repeat this prayer after me and you’re saved,” Finneyistic approach to salvation has probably created more false converts than any other single evangelistic “method”.

I can assure you that churches which are more doctrinally sound don’t engage in shenanigans like this. At my church, the kids are taught the VBS Bible lessons and the gospel is presented on parents’ night. During the week, teachers and pastors make sure everyone -parents and children- knows that if they have any questions about the gospel or salvation, they are available to talk, one on one.

a week of crafts, snacks, games, songs, dances, lights, colorful decorations…I guess my concern comes from seeing the trend in so many churches today, that are relying on entertainment more and more and less and less on the gospel. I know children need fun activities to engage them…

There’s nothing wrong with fun and games at VBS, as it sounds like you’d agree, especially if all of that hoopla is relegated to one week a year, or on an occasional basis. VBS-style fun should be a special treat, not the regular fare of Sunday School and other children’s Bible and worship activities at church every week. Again, churches being houses of entertainment rather than houses of worship is not the fault of VBS itself, but of the pastor (or “pastor,” as the case may be).

We never saw them or their families again.

That’s typical of VBS (and most other evangelistic efforts) at most churches. We do an outreach thing and we share the gospel with them. Most of the seed is going to land on the path, or the rocky soil, or be eaten by the birds. The Bible tells us this is going to happen. We scatter seed anyway.

One thing that can be helpful (and many churches do this) is for the church to take the information the parents provided when registering their child for VBS and follow up with home visits and/or other forms of contact after VBS is over, and even throughout the year.

I know when school is out for the year, parents put together a schedule of the dates and area churches where they can drop their kids off for VBS activities. They see it all like it’s free child care.

Great! Their kids are learning the Bible for hours every day during the summer! That’s awesome! (That is, of course, assuming all the churches they’re taking the kids to are doctrinally sound, which I know is a huge assumption. But, in theory, great!)

Seriously, where would you rather those unchurched kids be spending their days? Daycare? Some public school (or other non-Christian) program? At home watching TV and playing video games?

Uh uh. I would even encourage local, doctrinally sound churches to band together and make sure none of their VBS weeks overlap for this very purpose.

I read about one pastor who questioned the goals of VBS as well, seeing all the money spent and energy from all the volunteers, so willing to reach the unsaved.  He decided to redirect all the resources like the lessons, activities, and helpers for weekly Sunday School while reaching out, not just to the children, but also to the families.

That’s absolutely fine. Like I said, each church should decide for itself whether or not VBS is a fit. If not, there’s no shame in stewarding your time and efforts in a different direction for evangelism. (But do keep in mind, most churches are aiming to reach the parents through the children’s participation in VBS. That’s why they have parents’ night, follow up, etc.) There are also churches that do VBS in the evenings when more parents can be around, and even churches that do adult VBS (adult level Bible study, worship, refreshments, and possibly a craft or other fun activity).

If you have questions or concerns about your own church’s VBS, I would encourage you to set up an appointment with your pastor and very kindly and lovingly discuss them with him.

I don’t know why I keep seeing your post show up on my facebook feed when I don’t even follow you but I do.

Hi there! What a super friendly way to begin an email to a stranger! Is this the first impression of your character you really want to make?

Readers, I get messages, comments, and emails from professing Christians all the time from people I’ve never heard of or interacted with, and this is the kind of tone (actually, often much worse) they lead with. And then they expect me to take them seriously as Christians offering their thoughts on biblical topics.

I can think of three reasons:

  1. Somebody you’re friends with follows me and shares my posts, or…
  2. It’s the algorithm. Perhaps you follow several Christian women teachers and for once a social media algorithm actually worked for me instead of against me and dropped my posts into your feed thinking you’d be interested in following me, too, and…
  3. It’s God’s Providence. The Lord knew you needed to hear whatever part of His Word I was discussing that day and He used my post to get your attention and teach you something. Count your blessings that He didn’t knock you off your high horse and blind you to get the message across.

It grieved me to see your latest post to all of your followers about women pastors spending eternity in hell.  

It grieves me that you’ve so badly mischaracterized whichever post this was. (Readers, if you’re going to write to me to complain about something I’ve written, please be specific so I’ll know what you’re talking about. I’ve written a lot of things over the past 18 years. I need to know, specifically, what you’re upset about so I can take a look at it and correct, clarify, or explain it.)

If you’re talking about this article, I clearly explained that people do not go to Hell for committing a particular sin. People go to Hell because they aren’t saved.

The Bible also tells us that people who are genuinely born again Christians do not live in habitual, willful, unrepentant sin, such as the habitual, willful, unrepentant sin of a woman pretending to be a “pastor”.

When you put these two truths together, the result is that the profession of female “pastor” doesn’t attract applicants who are genuinely saved and pursuing holiness, because those women don’t want to live in sin. It attracts women who are lost because they do want to live in sin. It’s the same with any sinful lifestyle: thievery, promiscuity, homosexuality, murder, etc.

The majority of people living sinful lifestyles are not saved. That’s why, unless they repent and believe the gospel, they will spend their eternity in Hell.

I am not a paster (sic) myself, but I have 3 friends who are and they are the most amazing women.  

Let me illustrate something for you:

I’m not a lesbian myself, but I have three friends who are, and they are the most amazing women.

Do you see the faulty reasoning there? The opinion that they’re “amazing women” doesn’t mean they’re not sinning. If they’re disobeying God’s Word, they’re sinning, “amazingness” notwithstanding.

One of them works as a chaplin (sic) in a hospital.

A chaplain in a hospital is not a pastor. (But readers, this mistaking of chaplains for pastors is exactly why I advise women not to serve as chaplains. See #27 here.)

She is the head chaplin and has 3 other female chaplins that report to her. Men do not want to do this work. If it wasn’t for this group of lovey ladies that hospital would have no chaplins at all.  My friend has personally led at least half a dozen people to Christ on their death bed, and I am guessing some of the other ladies have done so as well.

Let me say it again. A chaplain is not a pastor. The question is not how wonderful your friend is. The question is, “Is she disobeying Scripture?”. From your description, I have no idea. As I’ve said here (#27), there are all kinds of different job descriptions for chaplains. Some may require women to disobey Scripture, some may not. If all your friend is doing is visiting the sick and dying, sharing the gospel with them, and maybe doing some administrative duties, she’s not violating Scripture.

It’s absolutely fine and biblical for women to do these things I’ve described – not because your friend can’t find men to fill the job, but because the women who do them are not disobeying Scripture. Conversely, it is not OK for a woman to be a pastor (again, a chaplain is not a pastor) simply because a man is not readily available for the job. I would encourage you to read my recent Mailbag article I Have to Preach Because No Man Will Step Up.

My next friend in in charge of a clothing closet and soup kitchen for women and children who are homeless or in abusive relationships.  

A person who is in charge of a clothing closet and soup kitchen is not a pastor. She’s ministering (the verb, “minister” does not mean “pastor”) to women and children. This is not prohibited by Scripture (as women being “pastors” is), it is commanded by Scripture.

These woman and children come to her and are clothed and fed and ministered to.  As a result of her work, 15 children who frequent her soup kitchen are spending this week at VBS and learning about Jesus, while their mothers are getting some much-needed counseling.

All of that is great, but your friend is not a pastor and she’s not doing anything unbiblical. Again, the question is not, “Is my friend producing great results?”. The question is: “Is my friend obeying Scripture?”. And the answer to that question seems to be, “Yes.”.

My last friend does grief counseling,

A grief counselor is not a pastor.

She has spent the last 10 years comforting couples that have lost their children and walking people through the grieving process. She is the first person to show up at the doorstep after a church member has passed so that she can comfort the family members.

That’s wonderful. I’ve mentioned in past articles and podcasts that because of the compassionate and caring way God has generally wired women, we are often uniquely suited to minister to the bereaved even better than men sometimes are. But that doesn’t make any woman who does so a pastor.

Although it’s wiser for a pastor or elder (with or without their wives) to formally counsel couples and men, your friend is not violating Scripture by ministering to those who have lost a loved one, she is obeying Scripture.

These 3 women spend their days feeding and clothing the lost and hungry, consoling the sick and dying, and comforting the grieving.  

That’s great. You said you had three women friends who are pastors. None of the women you’ve told me about are pastors, and, from what you have told me, it sounds like they’re all being obedient to Scripture.

Quite frankly they do the work that no one else wants to do. They are out there doing this important work and they do it with such grace and compassion and patience and gentleness.

Again, that’s not the issue. The issue is whether or not they’re obeying Scripture. It sounds like these ladies are obeying Scripture.

But I need you to hear me on this: If they were disobeying Scripture, “Nobody else wants to do this work,” and “They’re doing this important work with grace…” would not excuse their sin.

There is never any excuse for disobeying God.

Christians are not people who “obey” God if it’s convenient, or if it works, or if it’s in line with what I want to do, or if it produces “good” results. Christians are people who obey God no matter what, and we leave the outcome up to Him.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:18 that a bad tree can not bear good fruit.  If they are such bad trees…

I never said they were bad trees. You jumped to that wrong conclusion and falsely accused me of characterizing them as “bad trees” because (and I’m sorry this is going to sting a little, but I would not be loving you well if I didn’t tell you the truth) you don’t know your Bible. You clearly don’t know what a pastor is and isn’t, and what does and doesn’t constitute obedience to Scripture.

(But it’s never too late to start studying your Bible, and I encourage you to do so! If you need some help, check out the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.)

(If they are such bad trees,) then why do I see such an abundant harvest coming out of their lives?  

But you’re not judging their “harvest” according to rightly handled Scripture. You’re judging their “harvest” according to what seems good to you and according to what seems to “work” and produce “successful” results. That’s pragmatism, not biblical Christianity. In biblical Christianity, rightly handled Scripture is our measuring stick, not what we personally like or the anticipated outcome.

It grieves me to see you teaching these people who look up to you as some kind of authority figure that they “will likely spend eternity in hell”.  

And it grieves me that you have gotten yourself all worked up and falsely accused a sister in Christ (me), not because of something I’ve done wrong, but because you don’t know your Bible. It grieves me any time professing Christian women don’t know their Bibles.

One thing I am thankful for is, that when it comes to where these beautiful ladies will spend eternity, Jesus is the one that makes that call.

Of course He does. I never said, nor do I think that I “make that call”. I’m just repeating what He has clearly revealed to all of us about it in His written Word (you can read it for yourself if you don’t believe me). If you have a problem with that, your problem is not with me, but with Him.

I just read your article on divorce and remarriage*. I am struggling with this right now and it’s making me sick. We are visiting a new church, so I’m uncomfortable talking with the Pastor just yet. I recently spoke with a few people with the Permeance of Marriage view. They told me I was headed to hell unless I get out of my remarriage. My ex husband was unfaithful and proceeded with a divorce a few months later 35 yrs. ago. I’ve read Jesus’s teachings over and over and it seems that he was talking about the betrothal period for the exception clause. My spirit is very anxious right now. I’m old and don’t how I can divorce and fend for myself. Anyway, I just want some peace and don’t know what to do. Thank you for your articles.

*(I’ve written several articles about divorce and remarriage. I don’t know which of them this reader is referring to.)

Take a deep breath and rest in the peace of Christ. 

Here is what I’m understanding you to say:

Thirty-five years ago, your husband committed adultery and then divorced you. At some point, you subsequently remarried someone else. 

Assuming I have that correct, please do not listen to the people who are telling you that you have to divorce your current husband. That is completely unbiblical counsel and demonstrates that they know nothing about what the Bible says about salvation or about divorce and remarriage. They are also not representative of the true permanence view of marriage. People representing the biblical permanence view would simply have told you after your divorce was final that you could not get married again, but they certainly would not have come along after you were already remarried and told you to get a divorce. That doesn’t make sense. It is in contradiction with the permanence view.

As to losing your salvation (i.e. going to hell if you don’t get a divorce), that is ridiculous and borders on the heretical. If you are genuinely saved, you cannot lose your salvation for any reason. (If you’re not genuinely saved, you don’t have any salvation to lose.) I hope you’ll find my article The Mailbag: Can unforgiveness cause you to you lose your salvation? to be reassuring. It’s on a different topic, but it deals with the issue of whether or not someone can lose her salvation.

I would also like to point out that you did not sin in the ending of your first marriage. You were sinned against. Your husband committed adultery. Your husband divorced you. That does not preclude you from remarrying, biblically. Even if you had been the one to pursue the divorce, you could have remarried without sinning. Adultery is one biblical allowance for divorce, abandonment is the other. 

(And none of the divorce exceptions passages are talking about the betrothal period in biblical times. During the betrothal period, the couple was considered married in every way except that the marriage had not yet been consummated, but if you’ll read all three of these passages in context, it’s clear that they’re all talking about consummated marriages because they all speak in terms of adultery, “one flesh,” sex inside of marriage, etc. They are not talking about betrothed couples, they are talking about married couples.

At any rate, this is neither here nor there as it pertains to marriage today. In our culture, we do not have betrothals akin to the betrothals observed during biblical times.)

You’re receiving some very poor and unbiblical counsel from these people who ostensibly hold the permanence view. If those people were at your previous church, and you’ve now found a doctrinally sound church, that’s good. But if this is the unbiblical view your new church is teaching, I would urge you to find a new church that’s doctrinally sound and where Scripture is handled correctly. Being in a sound church where you’re being taught biblically should help alleviate your anxiety.

Rest in the truth of God’s Word, sister. The truth shall set you free.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Holidays (Other)

The Blessing of Freedom

Michelle Lesley

Originally published April 10, 2008

Have you ever thought about what it’s like to be a Christian in other parts of the world?

Have you ever thought about what it’s like to be a Christian in other parts of the world1?

Indonesia, Nigeria- Christians are slaughtered for not conforming to Islamic law. In Nigeria, since the year 2000, thousands have been put to death.

Saudi Arabia and other Gulf states, North Africa, Mauritania, Iran, the Comorros Islands, Sudan- Direct persecution by the state is written into the legal code. Any non-Islamic or dissident Islamic religious expression is forbidden. Any Saudi who seeks to leave Islam faces the strong possibility of execution.

Egypt- The Coptic Church (which is somewhat similar to Catholicism in its roots and practices) has been the target of church burnings and local massacres.

Pakistan- In 1997, the Christian town of Shantinagar, was effectively leveled.

China, Vietnam, Laos, Belarus, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan- Generally, there is freedom to worship in state-controlled religious bodies, but any religious expression outside of these bodies is strenuously controlled or suppressed.

Roman Catholicism is outlawed because it accepts the authority of the Pope, who is from outside the country. Priests and bishops have been imprisoned. Hundreds of Protestant leaders of the underground church have been arrested and sentenced to jail and labor camps.

North Korea- Nearly every free exercise of religion is viciously repressed, and thousands of people have been sent labor camps for practicing their faith.

Burma- An organization called the State Law and Order Restoration Council brutally oppresses tribal minorities, which, in large part, are comprised of Christians. Their tactics include: massacre, rape, forced labor, and the use of children to clear minefields.

United States-
Christianity is protected under the Constitution and is the majority religion in this country. We even have the right to legal redress if our religious liberties are infringed upon.

We can worship publicly with no fear of government, military, or other attacks.

We do not have civil rights (such as the right to vote, work, or own property) taken away from us simply because we embrace Christianity.

We have the right to proselytize (as long as we’re not harassing anyone), advertise and spread our religion.

Persecution is usually limited to people hurting our feelings when we witness to them, and social issues that offend our sensibilities.

We have beautiful, comfortable churches (as well as Christian schools, organizations and stores), complete with heat and air conditioning; comfortable pews; nurseries; indoor plumbing; Bibles, music, and materials in our own language; musical instruments; technology; and paid, and frequently seminary-trained, pastors and staff.

So what are we doing with all these blessings? Have we gotten so used to freedom and opportunity that we consider them a birthright rather than a precious gift from God that He has the prerogative to revoke if He chooses? He did it with the Israelites time and time again in the Old Testament: They obeyed God. He blessed them. After a while, they got comfortable with all the blessings and became lazy. They strayed away from God. He gave them over to oppressive rulers. They cried out in repentance. He delivered them and blessed them, and the cycle started all over again.

What will it take to shake Christians out of our complacency?

What will it take to shake Christians out of our complacency, humble us in gratitude for the opportunities God has given us, and motivate us to use the freedom with which He has blessed us to build His kingdom?

From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.

Luke 12:48b

1Insights on Law and Society: A Magazine for Teachers of Civics, Government, History & Law, Vol. 7.3 (Spring 2007); Published by the American Bar Association

Holidays (Other)

Revival: In America We Trust?

Michelle Lesley

Originally published October 28, 2016

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had it up to here with politics. Any politics. I’m sick of hearing about the candidates, where they stand on the issues, what they’ve done wrong, why we should vote for this one instead of that one or not vote at all, and what celebrities (and everybody else on the planet) think about them. It’s a 24/7 barrage on TV, the radio, social media, and personal conversations. Yes, these issues are important (for the love of my sanity, y’all, please don’t write me comments and e-mails arguing for your candidate or position- I agree these things are important) but I’ve reached my saturation point. It would be great if somebody would capture the Loch Ness monster or find a cure for the common cold or something just so everybody would have something else to talk about for five minutes.

In the midst of this political fervor, pastors – from those in the national spotlight to those in rural obscurity – are applying theology to the election and current culture. Some of it has been very, very good. Encouraging. Refreshingly biblical. And some of it…well, not so much.

On the “not so much” side, one of the recurring themes I’ve heard from various pulpits is the prediction or expectation that America is going to make a comeback. Brighter days are just around the corner. The cultural morality of the 1950’s might even re-emerge, and we’ll all be able to breathe a sigh of relief that evil and debauchery have left the building.

Then some pastor, somewhere, decided to co-opt the word “revival,” paste it over this concept of America getting its moral act together, and offer the whole package to American Christians as hope.

A turnaround of American culture and morality wouldn’t be a bad thing. Personally, I think it would be great if America would start behaving itself like a courteous, rational adult instead of a pagan, hedonistic teenager. We are 240 (250!) years old, after all.

But that is not revival, and it is not where our hope lies.

Let me ask you something: What if America never turns around? What if things continue to get worse, morally, economically, militarily, and culturally until this country eventually implodes into anarchy or becomes a vassal state to a godless nation?

What if God destroys America instead of making her great again? Will your faith be destroyed, too?

What if God destroys America instead of making her great again? Will your faith be destroyed, too?

Sadly, for many Americans whose faith has become a syncretistic mélange of patriotism and pseudo-Christianity, the answer is yes. How many will lose heart and walk away forever when the “revival” their pastor promised fails to materialize? Uncle Sam is a cruel master and a lousy god.

Uncle Sam is a cruel master and a lousy god.

Real revival is exactly the opposite. It can take place regardless of who wins the election, whether the United States is virtuous or villainous, rich or poor, enslaved or free or wiped off the face of the earth. It can take place even if you’re the only person in the world who wants it.

Biblical revival happens when Christians – thousands or dozens or one – bow the knee to Christ in repentance over their sin, forsake their worldliness, pursue holiness, act on their new-found zeal for evangelism, and live faithfully. It’s found when we stop fretting about who’s sitting in the Oval Office and start focusing on Who’s sitting on the Throne and how we might honor and please Him, regardless of what’s going on in society.

Real revival doesn’t always change the culture. Just ask Noah. Or the righteous remnant of the Old Testament exile. Or the martyrs of the early church. That’s not what it’s for. Revival isn’t supposed to change the world. It’s supposed to change your heart. It’s supposed to change your focus from temporal, elemental things to the Christ who bled and died for your sin.

Revival isn’t supposed to change the world. It’s supposed to change your heart.

That’s where our hope is found, sisters.

Not in the White House, but in Christ, regardless of who’s in the White House. Not in a moral society, but in Christ, whether society’s morals are Victorian or heathen. Not in laws and policies and freedoms that suit us, but in Christ.

Our hope is in Christ.

If a Democrat wins,
our hope is in Christ.

If a Republican wins,
our hope is in Christ.

If America re-emerges as that city on a hill,
our hope is in Christ.

If America runs swiftly toward her demise,
our hope is in Christ.

Our hope is in Christ, dear sisters. Let us never forsake our First Love for something as lowly as love of country, favor of the government, or an upright populace.

Our hope is in Christ.

Our hope is in Christ.

Holidays (Other)

Top Ten 4th of July Twisted Scriptures

Michelle Lesley

Originally published July 7, 2017

Independence day is my favorite of the non-major holidays. Fireworks, picnics, barbecues, and what other holiday has such grand music that nearly the whole country can enjoy and sing together? It’s the one day of the year when we, as Americans, can set aside our political differences and bickering and celebrate our God-given freedom to have political differences and bickering.

It is good to thank God for the blessing of liberty. It is right to be patriotic and celebrate our nation’s founding. It is evangelistic to use Independence Day as a springboard for explaining to people how they can find real freedom in Christ.

And with that freedom – our freedom in Christ and our freedom as American citizens – comes great responsibility. Namely, the responsibility not to throw all of those things into the Cuisinart at once and turn them into an Americhristian smoothie with red, white, and blue sprinkles.

There is a vast difference between American political freedom and the spiritual freedom found only in Christ. But when we lift Bible verses out of their context and stick a flag behind them in celebration of Independence Day, we conflate the two. Weaker brothers and sisters in the faith who already muddle American citizenship with heavenly citizenship are further confirmed in their confusion. We should be making these distinctions clearer, not encouraging their commingling.

Yet this is exactly what happens on Christian web sites, social media, and even in our churches as the 4th of July draws near. Sisters, this should not be so.

None of the verses in the Bible which contain words like “freedom” and “liberty” are referring to American political freedom. None. The verses containing these words are usually speaking of freedom from sin in Christ, freedom from Mosaic Covenant law, or freedom from literal slavery. We must use and understand them in context, or we are doing violence to the text and treating God’s holy Word with apathetic irreverence.

Here are the top 10 Scriptures I’ve observed being twisted on the 4th of July.

1.
Now the Lord is the Spirit,
and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
2 Corinthians 3:17

Most of the memes using this verse omit the first phrase, because even including those six extra words tends to give too much context to the verse for the person trying to make it about American freedom. If you read all of chapter three, or even just verses 12-18, you can see that this verse is about being set free in Christ from the demands of the Mosaic Covenant. Although 2 Corinthians 3:17 was misused by many, the first place I saw it was was from Lysa TerKeurst’s Proverbs 31 Facebook page – emblematic of why Christian women should not receive Bible teaching from anyone associated with this organization.

2.
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore,
and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1

Most incorrect citations of this verse include only its first phrase. Indeed, Christ has set us free for freedom, but freedom from what? English tyranny? Political oppression? No, as the rest of the verse goes on to say, Christ has set us free from the yoke of slavery to the Law. In Christ, we are free to stop striving to be good enough to earn right standing with Him, and to rest in His finished work on the cross to clothe us in His righteousness. That’s way better than American constitutional freedoms because that kind of freedom is available to anyone, in any country, at any time in history, who repents and places her faith in Christ for salvation.

3.
For you were called to freedom, brothers.
Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh,
but through love serve one another.
Galatians 5:13

This is a great verse that Christians can live out in service to our families, our church families, and even our fellow Americans. But we need to understand that when this verse says we were “called to freedom” it’s not talking about the rallying cry of the American Revolution. The freedom we were called to – as with Galatians 5:1 – is the freedom from striving to obey the Law to obtain righteousness. But just because we’re no longer under the constraints of the Law doesn’t mean we can go out and sin at will, or indulge the flesh by doing whatever we feel like doing. That’s antinomianism. Instead we’re to use our freedom from the Law as an opportunity to deny self and serve others.

4.
if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14

I’ve written at length on this verse in my article Is 2 Chronicles 7:14 God’s Promise to American Christians Today? The short answer is “no,” it is not about America. Although there’s plenty that Christians can learn from this verse, it is a promise to Israel, as the surrounding context clearly indicates.

5.
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
John 8:36

Even adding just two verses (34-35) to this one gives us enough context to help us understand that Jesus is talking about being freed from slavery to sin through the salvation only He can provide – the salvation that is about to cost Him the agony of scourging and death on a cross. It is appalling that this verse – spoken by our Lord Himself, about the earth-shattering, awe-provoking amazingness that is the forgiveness of sins by the grace of God in Christ – should be so lowered and sullied as to try to make it refer to American freedom.

6.
Live as people who are free,
not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil,
but living as servants of God.
1 Peter 2:16

The context of this verse is similar to Galatians 5:13 (#3 above), but it adds a couple of extra facets. If you read verses 9-17 of 1 Peter 2, you’ll notice the same instruction to live as people who have been set free in Christ and to use that freedom in Christ to serve others. Why? “…So that when [the Gentiles] speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God… For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people.” (12,15) When we use our freedom in Christ to serve and do good, it is a testimony of the gospel to the lost. This passage also exhorts us to be subject to our government and our political leaders. And if you know anything about the first century Roman Empire, you know its Christian citizens (Peter’s audience) knew nothing of the political freedoms American Christians experience.

7.
Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, 
the people whom he has chosen as his heritage!
Psalm 33:12

In the immediate context and application of this verse, “nation” and “the people” is referring to Israel. Examining verses 10, 16, and 17 alongside verse 12, it’s a safe assumption that the psalmist had observed some part of Israel’s history that included war against neighboring nations. And, certainly, any Old Testament Scripture referring to the people God “has chosen as His heritage” could only be speaking of Israel. America didn’t even exist at that time, nor has God, at any point in Scripture, said that America is His chosen people or His heritage.

If you want to think of a New Testament “nation” or “people” God has blessed and chosen as His “heritage,” that would be the church- the worldwide body of born again believers. While, ostensibly, any nation whose God is the Lord would be blessed, we have only to look back at Old Testament history to see how unlikely it would be for America’s God to be the Lord. Israel was God’s chosen people and heritage. They were “the nation whose God is the Lord”- literally. They were a theocracy – under the direct rule of God Himself – yet they rejected Him in favor of earthly kings and repeated cycles of idol worship. And we think America is capable of becoming “one nation under God”?

8.
And you shall consecrate the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you, when each of you shall return to his property
and each of you shall return to his clan.
Leviticus 25:10

It’s pretty easy to see why only the phrase “proclaim liberty throughout the land” is lifted out of this verse. It is obviously talking about Israel’s Year of Jubilee which has never been practiced in America because we are not, and never have been, under the Mosaic Covenant. Even Israel doesn’t observe the Year of Jubilee any more. The use of this verse is simply a case of someone looking for a Scripture to attach to a patriotic meme, doing a concordance search for the word “liberty,” and whittling away everything in the verse that is obviously un-American. This is not the way Christians properly and reverently handle God’s holy Word.

9.
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
Luke 4:18

Except for the fact that this verse includes the word “liberty” or “free,” depending on your translation, it’s incomprehensible to me that anyone would see this as a verse to use in the celebration of Independence Day. This verse doesn’t even make any sense when applied to America. It’s not about a country, it’s about a person: Jesus. Jesus spoke these words. He’s quoting Isaiah 61:1-2, which is a prophecy of the Messiah to come. If you read a mere three more verses of Luke 4, you’ll see in verse 21 that Jesus says, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.” Meaning what? Jesus is saying, “You know that Messiah you’ve been waiting on for centuries, Israel? I’m it. I’m here.” And the liberty or freedom He’s talking about? Once again, it’s freedom from sin and freedom from the Law. Because that’s what Jesus came to give us.

10.
Out of my distress I called on the Lord;
the Lord answered me and set me free.
Psalm 118:5 

Nope, this one isn’t about American political freedom either. A couple of things to notice: first, this is clearly set in the context of Israel’s Old Testament history, as verses 2-3, with their references to “Israel” and “Aaron”, indicate. Next, look at the personal pronouns, not only in verse 5, but also in verses 6-7: “I,” “me,” “my.” This verse is not about America being set free from England, or even about Israel being set free from one of its enemies. This is a descriptive passage about an individual – the psalmist – being in some sort of distressing situation, and God answering his prayer for deliverance. Have you ever prayed that God would deliver you from a difficult time in your life? If He did, do you think that unique situation is applicable to anyone else, much less an entire country? This passage is kind of the same thing. The psalmist is sharing something God did for him, not commenting on politics or even assuring other individuals that God will do the same for them.

Memorial Day Bonus:
Greater love has no one than this,
that someone lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13

Memorial Day is a solemn and precious day to honor those who have laid down their lives for our freedom as Americans. My grandfather, father, husband, and two of my sons served in the military, and I know just how blessed I am that they all returned safe and sound. It takes a special kind of person to make the ultimate sacrifice for his country, and I certainly don’t want to take anything away from that.

But as meaningful as that is, it can’t – and shouldn’t – compare to Christ laying down His life to make sinners His friends. And that’s what this verse is about. For twelve verses, Jesus has talked to His disciples about abiding in Him because He loves them so much. In verse 13, He talks about the proof of His love for them: He’s about to give His life as the atoning sacrifice for their sin. He wants them to love each other the same way – that for Christ’s sake, in Christ’s name – they would be willing to die for the sake of the gospel. Eleven of the twelve of them would go on to do so.

When we use this verse in reference to Memorial Day – as deeply consequential as that day is – it tarnishes the infinitely more important sacrifice of Christ by comparing a mere man’s offering of his life for temporal, earthly freedom, to God’s offering of His sinless Son to purchase for eternity the redemption of sinful rebels.

I’m proud and grateful to be an American. I’m thankful for this nation and the freedoms we have as citizens. But for everyone who’s a citizen of the Kingdom of God, our loyalty and reverence must lie with Him first and must surpass all other loyalties – to family, to friends, and even to country. That means we reverence God’s holy Word by being good students of it and handling it correctly, by preserving and standing up for its meaning and intentions, and by refusing to manipulate it for our own lesser purposes- even such a noble purpose as patriotism.

Did you enjoy Top Ten 4th of July Twisted Scriptures? Check out our 3 part podcast series on A Word Fitly Spoken:

Twisted Scripture:

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Photo Credits
The references below are for the purpose of photo credits only. I have not examined most of these sites and do not endorse any which contradict my beliefs as cited in the Statement of Faith and Welcome tabs at the top of this page.

1. https://www.facebook.com/Prov31Ministries/photos/a.390955286960.162138.99550061960/10154692176801961/?type=1&theater
2. https://stjosephslanc.com/july-5-2015-the-fourteenth-sunday-in-ordinary-time/
3. https://www.facebook.com/ConcernedWomenforAmerica/photos/a.119423980992.123545.77903485992/10155305900670993/?type=3&theater
5. https://twitter.com/robertjeffress/status/746696996208074752
6. http://dailybiblememe.com/tag/1-peter-216/
7. http://simplylkj.blogspot.com/2016/07/happy-4th-of-july.html
8. http://redbubble.com/i/poster/Motivational-Bible-Quote-Liberty-People-4th-of-July-by-mairabay/50664737.LVTDI
9. http://www.klove.com/
10. http://bibleversestogo.com/products/psalm-118-5-freedom
Memorial Day Bonus: http://unitetheusa.org/id165.html