Discernment

Still Be Discerning about Discerners Discerning Discernment Ministries

discerners discerning discernment

Recently, one of my favorite blogs, ParkingSpace23ย (a fantastic, doctrinally sound blog I’d encourage everyone to subscribe to), published an excellent article by John Chester called Still Be Discerning about Discernment Ministries. It’s all about John’s thoughts on discernment blogs and podcasts and why he has chosen to swear off of them.

John seems like a thoughtful guy and he handled what can be a touchy subject evenly, calmly, scripturally, and with grace. As someone who frequently writes on discernment topics, it gave me some good food for thought and an opportunity to biblically examine both my writing and reading/listening habits. It’s a great article, I was thankful for it, and I agree with a lot of his points.

But while John has decided not to partake of discernment blogs and podcasts, I still find discernment ministry to be an important aspect of this blog as well as my personal spiritual “diet”. Does that mean I think John, or any other Christian, is wrong for not wanting to regularly read or listen to discernment material? Absolutely not! But I’d like to present a bit of a different perspective regarding the value of discernment ministry.

In the first few paragraphs of his article, John draws a distinction between two different types of discernment ministries- a disctinction which I think is both astute and important. John differentiates between what I would call “propositional” discernment sites like CARM, and, if I’m understanding him correctly, mine – which generally post single, position paper-type articles on a given false teacher or false doctrine – and what I would call “daily news” discernment ministries such as Berean Research and Fighting for the Faith – which report on the shenanigans du jour of false teachers and apostate churches.

John’s position is that the propositional discernment ministries [PDM] can be helpful when needed, but he is not fond of the daily news discernment ministries [DNDM]. I think both can be beneficial, assuming they’re done biblically. Take a look at John’s points and my counterpoints, and then you can prayerfully decide whether or not it would be profitable for your sanctification to include discernment media as part of your spiritual fare.

John’s point: “[DNDMs] often spend much time dissecting sermons or blog posts that someone with even a rudimentary sense of discernment would have stopped listening to or reading within the first few phrases.”

Michelle’s counterpoint: “Someone with even a rudimentary sense of discernment” is the crucial phrase here. Perhaps John is blessed to pastor a body of believers who are good bereans and most of the Christians he knows are discerning. I hope that’s the case. It shouldย be the case that every believer has “a rudimentary sense of discernment” and immediately rejects false doctrine when she hears it. Nothing would bring me more joy.

But, sadly, that’s not the case. In fact, in my experience, the exact opposite is true, especially among Christian women. The vast majority of Christians are very undiscerning when it comes to false teachers and false doctrine. Often, people lack discernment because they’re false converts. But because most churches don’t proactively teach discernment, there are also plenty of genuninely born again believers who take at face value that anything which wears the label of “Christian,” is sold at a Christian retailer, or is proclaimed by a Christian celebrity is biblical and trustworthy.

I know, because I used to be one of those undiscerning Christians who hadn’t been taught any better by my church. Sure, I could pick out charlatans like Benny Hinn or Todd Bentley, and I probably would have described people like Kenneth Copeland and Jesse Duplantis as “wrong” or “that’s not what Baptists believe” without really knowing why. But the Beth Moore Bible studies that every church I’ve ever been a member of has pushed on its female membership? I had no idea she was teaching false doctrine, especially since my own church was endorsing her books.

It wasn’t until I Providentially “stumbled across” Todd Friel’s TV program,ย Wretched, one night several years ago that I began to understand what false doctrine was, why it was wrong, biblically, and how it could hurt me and the church. And it wasn’t until I discovered Chris Rosebrough’s Fighting for the Faith that I learned how to compare everything to Scripture – to listen to sermons with a discerning ear and read Christian books with a discerning mind. Todd and Chris taught me the discernment no church ever bothered to mention to me. And from the myriad of discerning Christians I’ve known, heard from, and read about, people like me are the rule, not the exception.

It’s not right that the church isn’t teaching Christians how to be discerning. I think every biblically responsible discernment ministry would agree that it is the church’s job, not a discernment ministry’s, to teach Christians to be bereans. But that’s not happening. And I thank God for those ministries who are standing in the gap- who have helped thousands of Christians like me.

John’s point: “[DNDMs] are unbiblical. What I mean is that there seems to me to be no biblical model or mandate for this kind of ‘ministry’.โ€

Michelle’s counterpoint: John may hold more closely to the regulative principle than I do, which would, understandably, account for my difference in perspective from this point. We do a lotย of things, both in church and in parachurch ministry, that there’s no specific biblical model or mandate for. There’s no biblical model or mandate for vacation Bible school or crisis pregnancy ministry or handing out gospel tracts or even writing for a Christian blog. Yet these, and many other ministries, can carry the gospel to the lost (I’ve heard of many people who have read/listened to DNDMs, realized they were false converts, and have become believers.) and edify the saved – just like discernment ministries can. And there’s certainly a biblical mandate for that.

John’s point:ย “Did Jesus ever engage in a point by point take down of a particular Phariseeโ€™s teaching that is recorded in Scripture? How much do we know about the Nicolaitans…in Revelation 2:15?… Or… the Colossian heresy…in Colossians 2:8?”

Michelle’s counterpoint: Jesus didn’t do sermon reviews (that we know of) the same way Chris Rosebrough does. But He did publicly enumerate and correct many of the Pharisees’ false teachings in Matthew 23. He publicly clarified Scripture and corrected unbiblical beliefs and false teachings – “You have heard it said…but I say to you…” – in the Sermon on the Mount. He publicly warned people against the false teaching of the scribes, Pharisees, and Sadducees. And every time those scribes, Pharisees, and Sadducees confronted Him with questions or after a miracle, He set them straight for the whole crowd to hear.

As to the Nicolaitan and Colossian heresies, Colossians and Revelation 2 were addressed to particular churches. Just because weย may not know much about these heresies doesn’t mean the Ephesian and Colossian churches weren’t thoroughly familiar with them. Perhaps that’s why John and Paul didn’t elaborate- because their intended audiences were already knowledgeable about those heresies. And perhaps the reason they might have been familiar with those heresies is that they were constantly being warned about them. Every book in the New Testament (except Philemon) warns against false teaching or false teachers.

Not so with the church today. Christians are not only notย being warned about the heresies and false teachers running rampant in evangelicalism, undiscerning pastors are actually embracing false teachers, inviting them to speak at their churches, simulcasting their conferences, sharing their social media posts, and ordering their materials for the church’s small groups. And the church at large is so biblically illiterate that Christians have no idea they’re being fed false doctrine.

John’s point: “Curiously many discernment mavens will quote 1 Peter 3:15 as a text that supports what they do. But to be blunt, it doesnโ€™t, not by a long shot…. This is about being ready to proclaim Christ to those who would persecute you.”

Michelle’s agreement: I could not agree with this point more. This verse isn’t about discernment. (I usually hear this verse more frequently in support of apologetics ministries, and it isn’t about apologetics, either.) It’s about evangelism.

One of the main features of today’s false doctrine is the twisting of Scripture and ripping it out of context. How can we who do discernment work rebuke false teachers for taking Scripture out of context and then turn right around and do the same to justify our own ministries? We knowย better. Specks and logs, anyone?

There are plenty of other passages of Scripture (such as the ones I’ve cited above and others) that speak of the importance of warning against false teachers and removing false doctrine from the church. We should not be using a verse that has nothing to do with discernment to justify discernment ministry.

John’s point: “Donโ€™t get me started on the lack of gentleness and respect [from 1 Peter 3:15] that permeates many of these blogs and podcasts.”

Michelle’s agreement/counterpoint: John is right, here. Some of the discernment ministries that (incorrectly) claim the first part of 1 Peter 3:15 as justification for their ministry are not following the second part of the verse which says to “do so with gentleness and respect”. There are discernment ministries whose articles I absolutely will not share or link to because their snideness and name calling are so over the top it overshadows the valid point they’re trying to make, sometimes even damaging their own credibility.

At the same time, we do see instances of Jesus using harsh language and calling false teachers names, and Paul, Elijah, and others couldn’t always be characterized as gentle or respectful.

The thing is, their cultural context was a little different from ours, and these are descriptive passages, not prescriptive. Sometimes different cultures call for different approaches. Additionally, one woman’s “gentle and respectful” is another woman’s “harsh and unkind.” I’ve written discernment articles that were characterized as hateful by some Christians and too nice toward the false teacher by others- both about the same article!

Although I fail miserably at it – often – I try to use 2 Timothy 2:24-26 as my guideline when I write:

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

It not only reminds me of howย to contend for the faith (not quarrelsome, kind, patient, gentle), it reminds me whoย I’m contending for (those being held captive by Satan’s snare of false doctrine), and whyย I’m contending (that they might repent, know the truth, come to their senses, and escape captivity).

John’s point: “[DNDMs] are unhealthy…’you are what you eat’…A diet of constant critical speech and reading is naturally going to produce a critical spirit.”

Michelle’s agreement: This is absolutely true. I don’t know whether it makes me over-critical or not, but when I OD on discernment media it certainly makes me feel angry, frustrated, depressed, and that there’s no hope for the church. It takes my eyes off Christ and the very real salvific and sanctifying work He is still doing in churches across across the globe, and causes me to focus on the monster of false doctrine instead.

It’s exceedingly important that we not go overboard on discernment or any other single aspect of theology or or spiritual life. In order to be spiritually healthy, we mustย have a balance of allย the good things: discernment, Bible study, prayer, evangelism, fellowship, worship, service, etc. When I find myself spending too much time in Discernment Land, I know it’s time to step back and readjust my focus.

John’s point: “They are not very helpful…I donโ€™t think very many Christians, especially the kind who read theological blogs, are going to be taken in by [blatantly obvious false teachers].”

Michelle’s agreement/counterpoint: I’ve already shared my thoughts on the helpfulness of discernment ministries for Christians who are not discerning, but, if I’m understanding him correctly, I think what John is saying here is that Christians who are alreadyย discerning aren’t going to be taken in by false teachers, and, therefore, have little need for regular consumption of discernment media. I generally agree with that. I still subscribe to a few DNDMs and peruse their daily headlines, not because I need to learn discernment, but because I like to know what’s going on in the church, just like people skim section A of the newspaper because they like to know what’s going on in the world.

I might add, though, that just because someone is the type of person who reads theological blogs doesn’t mean he’s on top of things, discernment-wise. Thom Rainer writesย a theological blog (and books, and has a seminary Ph.D), yet persists in allowing false doctrine onto the shelves of LifeWay despite the many rebukes he has received from pastors, seminarians, lay people, and, yes, discernment media. Not long ago, I took a class via video from a conservative Southern Baptist seminary president who positively (albeit in passing) cited Beth Moore and Rick Warren in one of the sessions. And these are just two isolated examples. There are many more.

John’s point: “[DNDMs] often have significant blindspots…In their rush to expose the errors of others, often discernment bloggers/podcasters can overlook real problems with themselves or with their theological allies, especially in the areas of tone and conduct.”

Michelle’s agreement: This is so true. There’s no way I could disagree with this, because I have been guilty of it myself far too often. I would only add that this is not a problem specific to discernment ministry. Every ministry has blind spots because every Christian has blind spots. We’re all guilty of hypocrisy, myopia, failure, and sin. And, because we’re believers, when a brother or sister points out our sin, we repent, we receive God’s wonderful, cleansing, restorative grace, mercy, and forgiveness, and we move forward in obedience to Him and His word.

John closes out his insightful article with this thought:

I am not saying that you must swear off โ€œdiscernmentโ€ blogs and podcasts, but I am saying I did, for the reasons above along with others, and I think I am better off for it. I would challenge you to consider what I have written and to think deeply about your spiritual diet.ย I am exhorting you to be discerning about discernment ministries.

I am not saying you mustย partake of discernment blogs and podcasts. But I am saying I do, for the reasons above along with others, and I think I am better off for it. I would challenge you to consider what John and I have written and to think deeply about your spiritual diet. I am exhorting you to think about it, study about it, pray about it, and discern what God would have you do about consuming discernment media.

Apologetics, Bible Study, Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday ~ 10 Bookmarkable Biblical Resources for Christian Women

Originally published August 1, 2014.bookmarkable resources

Questions. As Christian women, weโ€™ve all got them: โ€œHow can I grow in my walk with the Lord?โ€ โ€œWhere can I get some good advice on being a more godly wife?โ€ โ€œWhatโ€™s a great resource for biblical parenting?โ€ These days, it can be hard to know where to turn for great answers that are also biblically sound. Here are ten biblical resources to get you started.

1. Your Bible.
Remember 2 Timothy 3:16-17?

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

It might sound painfully obvious, but sometimes we go on the hunt for answers that are hidden in plain sight in Godโ€™s word. Study your Bible daily: good sized chunks of it, in context, from a good translation. And make some notes as you read.

2. BibleGateway
I canโ€™t recommend this site highly enough. Want to check out a different version of the Bible? BibleGateway has dozens (and in scads of languages besides English), some even available in audio format. It also has a phenomenal concordance, Bible commentaries, dictionaries, and other tools to help you as you study Godโ€™s word.

3. GotQuestions.org
Always wondered what a particular verse means? Want to know what the Bible says about a certain topic? GQ answersโ€“from Scriptureโ€“ your toughest Bible questions. Their articles are brief and easy for even the newest Christian to understand.

4. CARM.org
If youโ€™re new to studying apologetics, theology, or doctrinal issues (or even if youโ€™re not), the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry is an awesome clearinghouse of information. CARMโ€™s articles are informative, yet written in easily understandable vocabulary for those of us who arenโ€™t seminarians. While it covers a massive range of topics, two of its strongest points are its โ€œReligious Groups and Cultsโ€ section (explaining what various non-Christian groups believe, how those beliefs are contrary to Scripture, and how to share the gospel with people from these groups), and its new, but growing โ€œPreachers and Teachersโ€ section, which examines the teachings of popular Christian teachers.

5. Answers in Genesis
Donโ€™t let the name fool youโ€“ AIG is so much more than a fantastic Creation resource. They have articles on every biblical topic you could imagine, plus great resources and curricula for home school, Sunday school, and Vacation Bible School. And, if youโ€™re ever in the Cincinnati area, be sure to check out the amazing Creation Museumย and Ark Encounter!

6.ย Grace to You
The media ministry of John MacArthur is a godsend to the church. Here, you’ll find sermons on just about every passage in the Bible, a store with all of Dr. MacArthur’s books, Q&A articles, the MacArthur Study Bible introduction to every book of the Bible, and so much more!

7. Berean Research
What in the world is going on in the church these days? Amy and Marsha will keep you up to date on the latest news about well known churches, ministries, Christian personalities, and movements and events inside evangelicalism. Wondering if you’re hearing false doctrine or following a false teacher? Berean Research has the answers.

8. RickThomas.net (aka: Counseling Solutions)
A Fellow with the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, Rick Thomas has served as both a counselor and pastor, and currently runs a training program for biblical counselors. His articles deal with a number of discipleship-related topics, but his Scripturally-rooted counsel on marriage, parenting, and other relationship issues is without peer. Articles appearing on the site are rapidly archived, so read them right away, or consider becoming a paid member (only $5 per month, and well worth it in my opinion).

9. Shepherding the Heart Ministries
Tedd Tripp, author of the superb, gospel-centered parenting book, Shepherding a Childโ€™s Heart, provides helpful, biblical information on his web site for moms and dads seeking to be more godly parents. He answers a number of parenting questions via brief videos, and you can even contact him with your own questions.

10. Challies.com
Tim Challies is a Christian blogger and author. I love his daily thoughts on life and the Lord, but his book reviews are another strong feature of his site. Tim reviews dozens of popular Christian books every year. Most of his reviews are of non-fiction books (usually Christian Living and theology), but if a fiction book is making a big impact, heโ€™ll review it. If you want to know how the Christian books youโ€™re reading stack up to Scripture, run the authorโ€™s name through the Challies.com search bar and check out Timโ€™s review. For true bookaholics, Tim sends out a daily list of good books that are on sale (or free!) for Kindle, and his weekly โ€œFree Stuff Fridayโ€ is usually a giveaway of more awesome books.

Your turn:
Are you a fan of any of these resources?
Got another doctrinally sound resource youโ€™d like to recommend?ย 


THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AT SATISFACTION THROUGH CHRISTย and has been modified.

Ezra Bible Study

Ezra: Lesson 4

ezra-study-e1465330077513Previous Lessons: 1, 2, 3

Ezra 3

When the seventh month came, and the children of Israel were in the towns, the people gathered as one man to Jerusalem. 2ย Then arose Jeshua the son of Jozadak, with his fellow priests, and Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel with his kinsmen, and they built the altar of the God of Israel, to offer burnt offerings on it, as it is written in the Law of Moses the man of God. 3ย They set the altar in its place, for fear was on them because of the peoples of the lands, and they offered burnt offerings on it to the Lord, burnt offerings morning and evening. 4ย And they kept the Feast of Booths, as it is written, and offered the daily burnt offerings by number according to the rule, as each day required, 5ย and after that the regular burnt offerings, the offerings at the new moon and at all the appointed feasts of the Lord, and the offerings of everyone who made a freewill offering to the Lord. 6ย From the first day of the seventh month they began to offer burnt offerings to the Lord. But the foundation of the temple of the Lord was not yet laid. 7ย So they gave money to the masons and the carpenters, and food, drink, and oil to the Sidonians and the Tyrians to bring cedar trees from Lebanon to the sea, to Joppa, according to the grant that they had from Cyrus king of Persia.

8ย Now in the second year after their coming to the house of God at Jerusalem, in the second month, Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel and Jeshua the son of Jozadak made a beginning, together with the rest of their kinsmen, the priests and the Levites and all who had come to Jerusalem from the captivity. They appointed the Levites, from twenty years old and upward, to supervise the work of the house of the Lord. 9ย And Jeshua with his sons and his brothers, and Kadmiel and his sons, the sons of Judah, together supervised the workmen in the house of God, along with the sons of Henadad and the Levites, their sons and brothers.

10ย And when the builders laid the foundation of the temple of the Lord, the priests in their vestments came forward with trumpets, and the Levites, the sons of Asaph, with cymbals, to praise the Lord, according to the directions of David king of Israel. 11ย And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the Lord,

โ€œFor he is good,
ย ย ย ย for his steadfast love endures forever toward Israel.โ€

And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid. 12ย But many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers’ houses, old men who had seen the first house, wept with a loud voice when they saw the foundation of this house being laid, though many shouted aloud for joy, 13ย so that the people could not distinguish the sound of the joyful shout from the sound of the people’s weeping, for the people shouted with a great shout, and the sound was heard far away.


The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright ยฉย 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.


Questions to Consider:

1. Read Ezra 3 and summarize the story line in 1-2 sentences. What was the first thing the people did when they arrived in Jerusalem after coming out of exile? (1, also 2:70) After the people had settled into their homes and towns, what was the first structure they built? (2) The second? (10)

2. What does verse 1 mean when it says the people gathered “as one man“? In what aspects can the church come together “as one man” when we meet for worship or do Kingdom work? Who led the way in rebuilding the altar (2-3) and what were their positions of leadership over the people?

3. In verses 2-6, what do the phrases “as it is written in the Law of Moses” (2), “as it is written,” and “according to the rule” (4), mean? How do the people’s actions in these verses show that their worship was guided by Scripture and carried out in obedience to it? How do the altar and the sacrifices point us to Christ’s sacrifice for us on the cross? ย Consider the worship service at your church. Are all aspects of the service guided by Scripture and carried out in obedience to it? Does your worship service center around Christ and the cross?

4. Considering the spiritual significance of the first temple, why would it have been important to rebuild the temple? Compare verses 8-10 with Luke 6:46-49. What are some parallels between Israel laying the foundation of the temple according to God’s word and the foundation of our faith today being obedience to Christ and His word?

5. Compare verses 11-13 with 2 Chronicles 7:1-10. What are some of the similarities and differences between the people’s response to completion of Solomon’s temple and their response to the laying of the foundation of the post-exilic temple? (Especially compare v. 11 with 7:3 and v. 12-13 with 7:10). Was there any weeping at the completion of Solomon’s temple? Why would the “old men” have been weeping in verses 11-12? Recalling all that had happened to Israel between the completion of Solomon’s temple and the laying of the foundation of the post-exilic temple, was there good reason for both joyย and weeping? What were those reasons?

6. In what ways could the laying of the foundation of the temple be considered Israel’s being “born again”? Think about…

…how the exile points to our captivity by the enemy and bondage to sin

…how God delivered His people from bondage through Jeshua the high priest, who “made a beginning” (8) of the foundation, and how God delivered us through Yeshua our High Priest who made a beginning – the beginning and the end, the founderย and perfecter – of our faith.

…how the people mourned over the sin that had destroyed God’s ideal dwelling yet rejoiced over beginning a new life with Him, delivered and forgiven, and how we do the same when we come to new life in Christ.

False Doctrine, Word of Faith Movement

Positive Confession

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The doctrine of “positive confession” – one of the tenets of Word of Faith (prosperity gospel) theology – is a lie. We do not have the power to speak things into existence. Our words do not create reality. Those are powers reserved to God alone. We cannot make good things – like health, or a financial windfall – happen by speaking positive words like “My body is whole and healthy,” or “I am wealthy and lack nothing.” That’s superstition. Conversely, we cannot make those same sorts of bad things happen by speaking negative words. That’s witchcraft.

Take a load off and relax. God is sovereign over every situation in your life, the good and the bad. The burden is not on you to ensure a positive outcome to every circumstance by striving to always think and confess positively. Nor do sickness, tragedy, or problems mean you don’t have enough “faith” or that you’ve slipped up and said something negative. Trust God to carry you through whatever comes your way. He knows what He’s doing.

Additional Resources:

Positive Confessionย at Got Questions

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Grandparents an Ungodly Influence on My Kids

My husband’s family is unsaved and over the years they have encouraged my children to ignore our teachings, rules and God’s word to the point of encouraging and helping them to sneak around. Our oldest son moved out (because he didn’t like our rules) and in with his grandma (who is not saved and we repeatedly asked her not to allow him to live with her) she encourages and allows drinking, pre-marital sex.

I also have two young children. I am struggling with having a relationship with people who have and do tell my children that the Bible is not true, they don’t have to follow the rules at our home and they may live with them so they can live their lives as they please. I don’t know scripturally how respond to this ongoing situation.

I’m so glad you want to handle this situation scripturally. As Christians, we should always go to Scripture first to learn what to do in any circumstance.

We need to start by remembering our heirarchy of responsibility. As Christians, our first responsibility is to love and obey Christ. As Christian wives and moms, our next responsibility is to submit to our husbands’ leadership. Finally, we are responsible for raising our children in a godly way. But we also want to love and honor our extended family, and that can be really difficult when they aren’t saved and have a pagan worldview.

It’s such a comfort to me to know that Jesus knew and addressed the fact that He would be a dividing line between people, sometimes even within families:

โ€œDo not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
Matthew 10:34-37 (see also Luke 12:51-53)

But Jesus reminds us that, despite those painful divisions and our love for our family members, our loyalty to Him and His word must come first. It’s important to note that the God who said these words in Matthew and Luke is the same God who said in Exodus 20:12 (the Ten Commandments):

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

I think that might be your dilemma. How do we honor Christ in our home and still honor our parents who stand in opposition to Christ?

Let’s look at a few more passages, again, remembering that our first obligation is to obey God’s word. God has made it incumbent upon parents, particularly fathers, to raise our children to know His word and to walk in His ways:

You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul…You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 11:18a,19

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

Your children also have a responsibility to honor and obey their parents:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Ephesians 6:1

But while you’re raising your children in the ways of the Lord and training them to obey you, you need to make sure you’re not doing things that would make that difficult for them, because doing so will “provoke your children to anger” or “exasperate” them:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

Imagine how difficult it must be for a child – who already wants only to gratify his fleshly desires – to obey mom and dad’s instruction in godliness when mom and dad keep having him spend time with grandparents whom they love and who allow them to gratify those desires of the flesh. It would be difficult for an adult to be obedient in that situation of being pulled both ways, let alone a child.

In order to discover what God would have you do about your relationship with your in-laws, you and your husband will need to discuss what God’s word says about honoring his parents and raising your children in a godly way. Ultimately, as the spiritual leader of your home, the final decision about the relationship your family will have with his parents rests on his shoulders, and you will need to honor and respect his decision. As you prayerfully study God’s word and discuss things, you might find the following questions helpful:

  • Are our younger children being exasperated or frustrated in their attempts to obey Ephesians 6:1 when we have them spend time with grandparents who are encouraging them to disobey God’s word? Is continually exposing our children to their grandparents’ ungodliness putting a “stumbling block” in front of a weaker person?
  • Since we know God’s word does not contradict itself, how can we honor our parents (Exodus 20:12) even though they are enemies of Christ (Matthew 10:34-37)? Is there a way we can modify the way we spend time with them and/or the amount of time we spend with them so that we still have a relationship with them, yet minimize or remove the ungodly influence they have on our children? Does honoring our parents require us or our children to spend a particular amount of time with them? Is the situation so extreme that our loyalty to Christ demands that we sever the relationship altogether?
  • First Corinthians 15:33 says: Do not be deceived: โ€œBad company ruins good morals.โ€ย Does it make a difference, biblically, if the “bad company” is relatives? Would we let our children spend time with people like this if they were not related to us?
  • Am I, individually, and are we, as a family, regularly praying about this situation and praying for my in-laws’ salvation? Are we sharing the gospel with them? Are we trusting God to answer our prayers and work through this situation?

If you have a question about: a well known Christian author/leader, a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (Iโ€™ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected