Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
This week on the blog, in anticipation of Mother’s Day, it’s all about the mamas. Here’s a roundup of Mailbag articles and other resources on motherhood and parenting…
As a stay-at-home / homeschooling mom of boys, how can I make sure they’re getting the male leadership and influence they need during the day while my husband is at work?
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Ready to schedule your summer or fall 2025 women’s event? I’d love to come share with the ladies of your church or organization. Clickherefor more information, or to find an upcoming event near you!
Recently, I had the privilege of speaking at the Rock Your Role at Home and at Church: A Biblical View of Titus 2 conference at First Baptist Church of Brookings, South Dakota. It was such a joy to fellowship with the ladies of Brookings and the surrounding area.
I landed in beautiful Sioux Falls on Thursday evening, where I was warmly greeted by my hostess, Andrea, who whisked me away to Brookings for a delicious home-cooked supper in her home with some of the other ladies on the conference planning committee.
For dessert, there was “cow to cone” cookies & cream ice cream from the South Dakota State University Dairy Bar (part of the university’s Department of Dairy and Food Science).
Did you know that cookies & cream flavored ice cream was invented at SDSU, right there in Brookings, in 1979? What a treat!
After a lovely evening, a sweet hostess gift welcomed me to my hotel room. Lots of great snacks and goodies, and a new “conference ornament” for my tree this year!
Now, I have to take a moment here to brag on one of the snacks that was included…
…because OH MY GOODNESS, WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE? Nerdy Nuts is a South Dakota company that not only makes an amazing peanut butter in several different flavors, they also came up with the idea of putting “toppings” in peanut butter. This one was “monster cheesecake” and, as you can see, it has M&Ms, chocolate chips, frosting, and a bunch of other stuff in there. YOU. EAT. IT. OUT. OF. THE. JAR. WITH. A. SPOON! COME ON! Forget Mt. Rushmore, this is what South Dakota should be known for. How did someone not think of this, like, a hundred years ago or so? Anyway, you need to order some, because you need this in your life.* You’re welcome.
OK, I’m sorry, but I’m just very passionate about peanut butter. Back to sanity here…
Friday, I had the much appreciated (and much needed!) luxury of sleeping in and having a slow, relaxing morning before a fun lunch with Andrea and Haley, planning committee member and one of FBC’s pastors’ wives. Afterward, we headed over to the church to check things out.
FBC is a gorgeous, historic (turn of the 20th century, I’m guessing) building in downtown Brookings.
Close up of the floor level baptistry (in the front left corner of the sanctuary above), my favorite feature of elderly Baptist churches. Peep the half door you enter through. The steps down into the water are behind that door.
The ladies were hard at work decorating and putting the last minute touches on everything. I’m so grateful for their hard work to make things beautiful and comfortable, and I know the attendees were, too!
This conference was not recorded. The recordings linked to the teaching sessions mentioned below are audio/video from previous conferences where I’ve taught similar sessions, as available.
Friday evening, it was time to get the ball rolling.
The ladies were greeted warmly at registration…
…and we kicked off the conference with session 1: Rock Your Role at Home and at Church, learning the beauty of God’s design for women and how we can robustly and biblically fill out the roles He has given us.
There was plenty of time for discussion and fellowship during the conference and we wrapped the first day with desserts and mingling.
Saturday morning started with an energizing breakfast…
…followed by Teach What Is Good: Discipling Younger Women in the 21st Century. We learned about the theology behind “Titus 2” women’s ministry, along with lots of practical ways to disciple younger women. (I don’t have a conference recording of this session, but it shares much in common with our A Word Fitly Spoken two part series on women’s ministry: Biblical Women’s Ministry (Part 1) and Practical Women’s Ministry (Part 2).)
Our final teaching session was How to Study (and Teach!) the Bible. This is such a crucial skill for Christian women today. We’ve got to be good students of the Word so we can disciple our own children and the women and children of our churches.
Lunch time! Delectable brisket sandwiches and warm and wonderful fellowship!
A rousing Q&A session rounded out the day. This was the first conference I’ve spoken at where attendees could scan a QR code to submit their questions. It was a great tool!
Before I knew it, it was time to say goodbye. What a great group of ladies who worked so hard to put on a super event!
But before I left, I had to sample just one more South Dakota delight. I stopped by Marlin’s Restaurant in the Sioux Falls airport and treated myself to an order of “tater kegs”. They are ginormous (a little bit bigger than a jumbo marshmallow) tater tots stuffed with cheese, bacon bits, sour cream, and chives, and served with cheese dip (Hey – I don’t diet when I travel!), and they are phenomenal.
It was such a fantastic day with the ladies of FBC Brookings. Thanks so much to Pastor Gavin for trusting me to teach these incredible women. Thanks to Haley, Andrea, and all the other ladies for making me feel right at home and working so hard to host a fantastic conference. If you’re ever in the area and need a good church to visit, make plans to spend the Lord’s Day with these wonderful brothers and sisters.
If your church or organization is ever in need of a speaker for a women’s event, I’d love to come share with your ladies as well. Click here for more information, or to find an upcoming event near you!
Photo Credits
Thank you to Haley and other conference attendees for contributing some of the photos above.
All other photos by Michelle Lesley.
*I’m aware that a lot of people have peanut allergies. I’m sorry if that’s the case for you.♥️
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11
Have you ever noticed how easily people get offended these days? We have to watch what we say, wear, and display. We have to be careful about how (or if) we express our political and religious views. A mere, “you look nice today” can be the beginning of a lawsuit.
Even as Christians, it’s easy to get sucked in to wearing our feelings on our sleeves and taking offense to everything that rubs us the wrong way.
Even as Christians, it’s easy to get sucked in to wearing our feelings on our sleeves and taking offense to everything that rubs us the wrong way. Certainly, there are important, biblical issues that we need to take a firm stand on in society, in the church, and at home, but for those of us who follow Christ, most personal offenses do not require a confrontation. Most personal offenses demand that we extend grace and love to the offender.
That’s a bitter pill for the flesh to swallow if you’re anything like me. My flesh wants revenge. My flesh wants justice and retribution to immediately prevail. My flesh wants that person to grovelingly admit he or she was wrong and beg for forgiveness. And I know it’s my carnal nature that wants those things because both Jesus’ teachings and His life stand in direct opposition to such desires:
The Pharisees insinuated that Jesus was of illegitimate birth and that his mother was promiscuous. They called Him a Samaritan – a racial epithet which, in that time, would have been on par with calling someone the “n-word” during the Civil Rights movement. And they called him demon-possessed – which called his mental health and intelligence into question. And all of these insults carried with them the overriding weightiness of calling Him unclean; someone under God’s judgment who deserved to be an outcast.
What did Jesus do? He didn’t retaliate. He used the offensive remarks to keep on trying to reach the hearts of the Pharisees – the offenders – with the gospel.
Even on the cross, after being falsely accused, verbally abused, wrongly arrested, hauled in front of a kangaroo court, and illegally put to death, Jesus’ words for His foes were not pronouncements of judgment and wrath, but, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
The calling of Christ is not a calling to “be carried to the skies on flowery beds of ease” but a calling to deny ourselves, take up our crosses daily, and give up our lives for Him.
That’s a pretty tough act to follow. But then, the calling of Christ is not a calling to “be carried to the skies on flowery beds of ease” but a calling to deny ourselves, take up our crosses daily, and give up our lives for Him. That precious calling may not end up with you being crucified for your faith, but surely it can start by ignoring that tiny arrow whizzing past your head as you love the person aiming the bow at you.
Take the offense. Overlook it. Extend grace. Forgive. Bless. Walk in the way of your Master.
What are some good ways to extend grace when someone offends you?
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
I have a friend who is living with someone she is not married to. She professes to be a Christian. I don’t see or talk to her much as she lives a couple of hours away. I have been invited to spend the weekend with her. I don’t want to go as I don’t want her to think I condone her living situation. How do I graciously bring up this violation of God’s instructions to us regarding sexual immorality?
I’m so sorry your friend’s sin has put you in this difficult situation. I know it’s uncomfortable and awkward, and you’re probably afraid you’re going to offend her and maybe even lose your relationship with her as a result of this situation.
But I want you (and all of my readers who are in awkward situations similar to this) to remember that your friend is the one at fault here for all of this awkwardness and potential hurt feelings, not you. She caused this situation by her sin, and if she doubles down on that sin when you talk to her about it, she will also be at fault for any other negative results that transpire, not you. That’s what sin does. It ruins everything it touches, it impacts areas of our lives we never dreamed it would, and it affects our relationships with the people we love.
I agree it would probably be wisest not to stay overnight with your friend and her shack up. It will seem to her as though you have no problem with her sinful living arrangement. However, accepting or declining the invitation may not be your only two options. What about the possibilities of either making it a day trip (and not spending the night at all), or accepting the invitation, but staying in a hotel or somewhere else besides under her roof? That way, you could spend time with your friend and have the opportunity to call her to repentance, face to face.
This would also give you the chance to share the gospel with her. I know she professes to be a Christian, but it’s important that we believe God over sinful human beings, and God says:
And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, truly in him the love of God has been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.
1 John 2:3-6
Yes, Christians fall into sin, but Christians also repent. We do not gleefully jump into the pool of sin and swim around in it for extended periods of time. We hate our sin. We feel guilt and conviction over our sin. And we repent. That’s one of the fruits of genuine conversion. Likewise, living in sin without conviction, repentance, etc., is the fruit of someone who is lost, regardless of what she might claim, because God says so.
I would encourage you to go and spend some time with your friend (without spending the night at her house) if at all possible. The Lord has put you – someone who cares for her and knows the Truth – into her life to be salt and light to her.
How to do it graciously? Reassure her of your love for her and that if you didn’t truly love her, you wouldn’t be addressing this with her. And then just tell her the truth. She claims to be a Christian. She’s living in direct violation of God’s Word. She needs to repent and change her ways.
Saying all of this graciously and kindly doesn’t mean she won’t get mad at you and break off the relationship. She might do just that because she loves her sin more than she loves you and certainly more than she loves Christ. No amount of graciousness and kindness on your part can prevent that.
And as strong, godly Christian women, we have to be OK with that. We serve a Savior who was despised and rejected by men. Is a disciple above his teacher or a slave above his master?
“A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a slave above his master. It is enough for the disciple that he become like his teacher, and the slave like his master. If they have called the head of the house Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household!
“Therefore do not fear them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for an assarion? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.
“Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven.
“Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household.
“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.
Matthew 10:24-39
The gospel divides. And we are always called to stand with Jesus on His side of the divide.
I am wondering if you lead or have a ladies discernment class/group at your church? How do you handle discernment in your own church – formally or informally? The pushback I’m getting as I clear out our library (I’m the recent Library Chairwoman) has been a surprise to me. I’m wondering if I need to request to my Pastor to start a discernment group either as a Sunday School offering or as a study. I have no idea what resources outside of the Bible I would need, and any direction/ suggestions you could give would be great! 💜 Thank you so much for all you do!
It’s always a challenge when the pastor wants to move the church in a more discerning direction, and sometimes the pushback isn’t pleasant.
We do not have standing groups or classes at my church specifically centered around discernment. It’s just part of our regular sermons, Sunday School lessons, and discipleship classes whenever it comes up in the biblical text we’re studying, just like forgiveness or patience or prayer or any other biblical principle.
But if your church has really had no instruction in discernment, it’s probably best to spend some focused time on it. It would be best and most biblical if your pastor took the lead on this. It’s in his job description / qualifications, after all:
He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.
Titus 1:9
It’s up to him how he addresses it – a sermon series, a discipleship seminar, maybe invite Justin Peters in to teach, or whatever. My only suggestion would be that it shouldn’t be framed as a “discernment group“. That makes it sound like a special group only for those who are interested (like a knitting group or a bowling group), when this is an important biblical principle and command for every Christian, “interested” or not. Everyone in your church needs to be instructed in discernment. It’s not optional.
Once your pastor decides how he’d like to handle If you’d like to undergird with the women what he’s doing with the whole congregation, I have two suggestions:
◦ I’ve written a Bible study on discernment. It’s called Choose What Is Right: A Study in Discernment, and you can find it (along with all the other studies I’ve written) at the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. All of my studies are free, available 24/7, and suitable for groups or individuals.
◦ How about making it fun and letting me do the heavy lifting? If you’d like to set up a women’s conference at your church, I’d be delighted to come and teach on the topic of discernment (other topics available too!). Just go back up to the blue menu bar at the top of this page and click on the Speaking Engagements tab for all the details.
One more piece of advice that’s probably a little too late for you but might spare another reader and/or her pastor: the church library can be a bit of a golden calf for some church members, and for various reasons. When a solid pastor friend of mine decided to finally pull the trigger on cleaning out his church’s years’ neglected library of all the fluff and false doctrine, he went about it in a very wise way.
He told none of the church members about it. He went into the library, assessed it, and assigned one of the other pastors’ wives (who was discerning and had been itching to get in there and clean house) to the task. He told her what he wanted removed and told her to come to him with anything else questionable. It was done quickly, quietly, and most importantly, with little to no pushback. That’s what I’d recommend.
You’re welcome! I’m glad that’s a helpful resource.
Typically, when this kind of request is made, it’s about a pastor, author, etc. that I’ve never heard of. And let me just say, I’m thrilled – THRILLED – that there are so many good ones out there that I haven’t heard of most of them. There are good, doctrinally sound teachers out there, it’s just that most of them are not well known. Don’t be discouraged, thinking there’s nothing out there but false teachers!
But just as a general answer to this question, no, I probably won’t add the person you’re suggesting. The people on the recommended teachers list are people I feel comfortable proactively recommending because I know them personally and/or I’ve personally listened to them long enough (think: years) to know, from first hand experience, that they’re solid.
You’re welcome to keep suggesting people. I might listen to them. But if I do add them, it’s going to be a while.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
1969: Man landed on the moon…Woodstock…Sesame Street debuted on TV…John MacArthur began his pastorate at Grace Community Church…and I was born.
All of those events of 1969 turn 56 this year – and on Sunday (April 27) so do I! And I’d like to ask you to help me celebrate by considering partnering financially with me in ministry.
I love serving the women of the body of Christ through this blog. From writing about current issues in the church that you have questions about, to researching false teachers, to helping you find a new church, to the 20 Bible studies I’ve written, and so much more, there is no way I’d rather spend my “leftover” time and energy after serving my family and my church.
I don’t draw a salary from this ministry, charge membership fees, or sell merchandise. All of my materials on the blog are available to you and your church at no charge, and I like that just fine and dandy. That being said, my family lives frugally, primarily on my husband’s modest income, and we incur financial needs from time to time.
If you, your family, or your church have been blessed by my work and you’d like to be a blessing to me and my family in return on an ongoing, occasional, or one time basis, there are two ways you can do that:
As a Proverbs 31 woman and stay at home wife and mom, I try to “look well to the ways of my household.” Unfortunately, I know nothing about wool, flax, or weaving, so speaking engagements are the “wool, flax, and weaving” that help contribute to providing for my family by way of equitable speaking fees.
Other than occasional free will donations from followers, speaking engagements provide the only income I earn from this ministry. I kind of think of it as my part time dream job.
So how about hiring me? The women of your church and surrounding area get a wonderful weekend of doctrinally sound fellowship, encouragement, and edification around the Word. I get the joy of sharing with them. Your church or parachurch organization gets to bless and support my family. It’s a win-win-win!
First time planning an event? Never fear! I’ve got lots of tips and helpful hints to help make things easier.
If you’d like to make a financial donation, please click on the PayPal, Patreon, or Cash App link below.
Anything from “Go buy a gallon of milk” to “Go buy a house” will be much appreciated and well stewarded by my husband and me. We ask only that you meet your own family’s and church’s needs first before considering making a gift to us.
I would be most grateful for any amount you’d like to contribute, but in celebration of my fifty-sixth birthday, how about some fun amounts like…
$56 (for my age)
$27 or $427.69 (for my birthday, April 27)
$19.69 or $1,969 (for the year I was born)
$25 or $33 or $71 (or whatever age you think I look – I promise I won’t be offended! :0)
(Normally, I send a thank you note to donors, but Cash App does not provide any contact information and only lets me respond to donors with an emoji. Please know that I am deeply thankful for your kindness and generosity and promise to steward your gift well.)
If you would like to donate but you’re uncomfortable giving electronically and would prefer to send a check, my suggestion would be to ask a friend or loved one who is comfortable with electronic transactions to make your donation for you via one of the apps above, and then reimburse that person with cash or a check. I’m sorry that’s kind of a hassle, but I’m sure you understand that in the world we live in, I can’t give out my mailing address to strangers on the internet.
Thank you so much for your kindness and generosity!
