Tag: lust

Basic Training, Homosexuality

Basic Training: Homosexuality, Gender Identity, and Other Sexual Immorality

Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 8, 2017

For more in the Basic Training series, click here.

Sexuality in Western culture is a mess. Within the last hundred years or so, we’ve devolved from a society that had, broadly speaking, a general understanding of, and compliance with, the Bible’s parameters for sex to today’s sexual mores that barely stop short of child molestation and bestiality and permits – even encourages – nearly every other form of perversion.

It can be difficult to know how to approach these issues which have been suddenly thrust upon us, and with which the average person – Christian or not – has very little experience. How are Christians to think about, believe, and address these issues in our families, churches, and communities? Do we just go with the “live and let live” flow of modern society? No. As with every other issue in life, our thinking, our words, and our actions must be shaped by and in submission to the authority of Scripture. Not public opinion. Not political agendas. Not our own personal feelings, opinions, and experiences. Scripture.

The Bible makes sexuality and gender identity very simple for us. God created two sexes of people– male and female¹. God created marriage to be between one man and one woman. God created human sexuality and confined its use to a man and a woman who are married to each other. Every form of gender identity or human sexuality that falls outside these parameters is sin.

Bearing that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the sexual issues impacting the world, the church, and Christians today and how we can respond to them biblically.

Every form of sexuality that falls outside biblical parameters is sin. Let’s take a look at some of the sexual issues impacting the world, the church, and Christians today and how we can respond to them biblically.

Get the log out
The Bible is very clear that we’re not to be hypocritical when dealing with sin. Scripture’s parameters regarding sexual sin are extremely narrow and govern not only our actions, but our words and thoughts as well. That leaves me guilty. How about you? Where’s your mind when you’re reading that romance novel or watching that steamy movie? Are you using pornography? Flirting with that good looking co-worker even though you’re married? Using double entendres or other suggestive remarks? Exchanging inappropriate e-mails with another man? Fantasizing about sexual encounters with someone you’re not married to? Going farther than you should, physically, on a date? Before we start thinking about addressing the sins others commit, we first need to make sure our own hearts, hands, and mouths are clean by repenting from any sexual sin we’re participating in.

Before we start thinking about addressing the sins others commit, we first need to make sure our own hearts, hands, and mouths are clean by repenting from any sexual sin we’re participating in.

Sweep around your church’s front door
It’s been pointed out by many lost people, that the church is oh so willing to take a strong stand against news-making sexual issues, but sexual sin inside the church is sometimes swept under the rug. They’re right. How does your church deal with an unmarried couple who are cohabiting? A pastor who uses pornography? A church member who is having an affair? A youth director who’s molesting children? A deacon who uses foul language and makes sexual jokes? Does your church practice biblical church discipline when there’s sin in the camp and comply with sexual predation laws? Do you have screening processes in place to protect the children of your church? Does your church teach against all forms of sexual sin?

Be kind
It should go without saying, but since this is a “back to basics” series it bears repeating: Christ expects Christians to be kind to people – all people – and to treat them with human dignity, respect, and biblical love. Not just in the way we talk to people, but in the way we talk to each other about people. People who live in sexual sin are still made in the image of God and deeply loved by Him. Remember, it was God’s kindness that led us to repentance.

People who live in sexual sin are still made in the image of God and deeply loved by Him. Remember, it was God’s kindness that led us to repentance.

There’s no such thing as a “gay Christian“
Or a transgender Christian, or a stripper Christian, or a bank robbing Christian, or liar Christian. Qualifying someone’s Christianity by their pet sin is an oxymoron. Christians, by definition, are people who sorrowfully turn from their sin and become completely new sin-hating creations through the power of the shed blood of Christ. Christians are characterized by lifelong repentance and the desire not to sin out of love for their Savior.

and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
2 Corinthians 5:15-17

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11

Are there people who are genuinely saved but still struggle against sexual sin? Of course. Every truly born again person struggles against sin for the duration of her natural life. But the Bible knows nothing of a willfully unrepentant conversion to Christ or life in Christ (regardless of a previous “decision” for Christ, participation in baptism, etc.). It is a contradiction in terms and simply does not exist. Nobody gets to carry her sin with her past the cross.

The Bible knows nothing of a willfully unrepentant conversion to Christ or life in Christ. It is a contradiction in terms and simply does not exist. Nobody gets to carry her sin with her past the cross.

Tell the good news
People enslaved by sexual sin, especially those who think they’re Christians, need the good news of the gospel just like people enslaved to any other sin. God can and does save people out of homosexuality, transgenderism, promiscuity, and all other forms of sexual immorality, as the 1 Corinthians 6 passage above makes abundantly clear. His arm is not too short to save anyone.

God can and does save people out of homosexuality, transgenderism, promiscuity, and all other forms of sexual immorality. His arm is not too short to save anyone.

Withholding church membership, ordinances, and leadership
Local church membership, ordinances (baptism and the Lord’s Supper), and leadership positions within the church are restricted to Christians, because the church is, by definition, the body of Christ: regenerated believers. It’s certainly fine for any non-believer to attend services, classes, or events at your church as long as she isn’t being disruptive or pushing unbiblical beliefs, but people who are living unrepentantly in any sin are not Christians and should not be invited to become members of the church, participate in baptism or the Lord’s Supper, and certainly should not be given any position of service or leadership in the church.

Going to the chapel if they’re going to get “married”
Christians should not attend same sex weddings (or receptions, showers, bachelor parties, housewarmings, etc.) for any reason. (When it becomes legal, this will also apply to plural marriages (polygamy) and other unbiblical forms of “marriage”.) Regardless of your motives for attending, it appears to others and to the same sex couple as though you approve of their sin.

Often, the reason Christians will give for feeling they should attend a same sex wedding is that they are afraid declining to attend will cause the couple to cut off the relationship with them, closing the door to any future opportunity to share the gospel. But if you’re close enough to the couple to be invited to the wedding, shouldn’t you have already shared the gospel with them? Do you not trust that God can save someone, either immediately or in the future, from one instance of sharing the gospel? This person’s salvation does not rest on your shoulders. It can only be accomplished by the Holy Spirit, and only in His timing. And whether you have or haven’t yet shared the gospel with the couple, what could your attendance at the wedding accomplish other than creating confusion? How can you support their “marriage” by attending the wedding and then turn around later and tell them they need to repent of this sin?

Additionally, attending the wedding sends the message to your children, family, church, friends, co-workers and others that you approve of the sin of homosexuality. We all have people watching us to see whether we stand with Christ or with the world. It’s imperative that we set a godly example.

Yes, if you decline to attend the wedding, you might lose your relationship with that homosexual friend or loved one. But Christ calls us to separate ourselves from the world and be loyal to Him even if it costs us everything- including those we love the most:

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
Matthew 10:37

Yes, you might lose your relationship with that homosexual friend or loved one. But Christ calls us to separate ourselves from the world and be loyal to Him even if it costs us everything- including those we love the most.

The gospel divides. And Christians are always called to stand on Christ’s side of the divide.

The Wedding Singer
For many of the same reasons Christians should not attend same sex weddings (or other unbiblical forms of “marriage”), Christian wedding service providers (singers, photographers, bakers, wedding consultants, venues, etc.) – and certainly churches – should decline to provide services for same sex weddings. Doing so facilitates sin, is unloving to the couple (who needs to hear the gospel and repent), and is disloyal to Christ. Christ died for this sin. How can someone who calls herself a Christian play any part in helping people celebrate a sin that nailed her Savior to the cross? Yes, you might lose your business. Is Christ worth that to you?

How can someone who calls herself a Christian play any part in helping people celebrate a sin that nailed her Savior to the cross?

Boys will be BOYS
It is neither loving nor compassionate to help people participating in transgender or other gender identity sin pretend to be the opposite sex or several sexes or no sex at all. While it’s not a good idea to go around speculating about the biological sex of perfect strangers, if you know a person well enough to know that he was born male or she was born female, you should not be using referent terminology that indicates otherwise. A biological male is a “him” not a “her” or a “them.” A biological female is a “her” not a “ze” or “fae”. Christians should also not be participating in other activities that further gender identity sins such as helping a biological male shop for female clothing, attending “coming out” parties, referring to “pregnant men” when the pregnant person is biologically female, etc.

Policy and Procedure
One of the main ways the sexual immorality agenda is being advanced is through lawsuits. If your church won’t allow a same sex wedding in its facilities, the church could be sued. We’ve already seen many instances of wedding service providers who have been sued for declining to provide services for same sex weddings. Laws are now in effect which attempt to force businesses to use the preferred pronouns of those in gender identity sin. It’s a good idea for churches, Christian businesses and other Christian organizations to study up on the legislation surrounding sexual sin, and put in place any possible legal protections. Does your church, business, or organization have the proper written policies in place? You might want to take a look at the Nashville Statement as an example or template.

Sexual sin, whatever form it may take, is just that: sin. People who participate in sexual sin are not a special sect of society. They are sinners just like everybody else. They need love and the gospel just like everybody else. As Christians, we must stand firm on what the Bible says about sexual sin and call those who are enslaved by it out of darkness and into His glorious light. We must offer them the peace, the hope, and the cleansing from sin that only Christ can give.

As Christians, we must stand firm on what the Bible says about sexual sin and call those who are enslaved by it out of darkness and into His glorious light.

¹Yes, I’m aware that the Fall brought with it genetic disorders and congenital defects that can cause abnormalities in human genitalia. These are extremely rare and require correction and treatment by medical professionals. It is also beyond the scope of this article, which refers to the overwhelming majority of those who choose to participate in sexual immorality or the mutilation of their bodies. Please see the Mailbag article, Ambiguous Anatomy… below.

Additional Resources

The Mailbag: Should Christians Attend A Homosexual Wedding?

The Mailbag: What’s In a Name?

The Mailbag: Church Roles and Ambiguous Anatomy

The Mailbag: Guess who’s coming to (the women’s ministry) dinner?

Preventative Measures: 6 Steps SBC Churches Can Take to Prevent Sexual Abuse

Christmas Dinner with the Sexual Sinner at A Word Fitly Spoken

Pride, Pronouns, and Prodigals at A Word Fitly Spoken

Unashamed: Standing Firm on a Biblical Sexual Ethic at A Word Fitly Spoken

A Review of Single, Gay, Christian by Gabe Hughes

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Immodest Proposal

Michelle Lesley

I’m wondering if you could offer some advice on how to handle a tricky situation with my neighbor. She often runs on the road in front of my house and chooses to wear just a sports bra and skin tight running shorts. It creates a sin opportunity for both my husband and my sons and is really causing a heart issue for me.

I know she’s a believer, or at least attends church regularly. How can I best approach this so it doesn’t turn into a subjective argument about modesty?

Also, we have found a doctrinally sound church but haven’t joined because so many so women are dressed inappropriately. Unfortunately, some of these women are in the elders/deacons families.  Any advice on how to approach this when we meet with the elders? Our hope is that the issue can be corrected and we can continue to be a part of this body.

I know it’s a heart issue for these women and I can certainly pray, but is there Scripture that says church discipline should be taking place allowing us to worship too?

It’s no secret to anyone with eyes that the fairer sex is – more and more, every day – letting it all hang out. I’m just as appalled as any other Christian woman when I look around at the world. And, sadly, sometimes immodesty infiltrates the church as well.

Before you do anything in either of these situations, I would encourage you to listen, listen carefully, and maybe even listen more than once to the three episode A Word Fitly Spoken podcast series Amy and I released a few years ago on modesty:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

You might be wondering why I’m recommending that you – someone who obviously cares about modesty and Scripture’s teaching on it – give the subject more study. It’s a perfectly reasonable question.

It’s because modesty is such a concern for you that I want to make sure you (and all of my readers, really) have a biblical understanding of it. And once you do, I want to lovingly suggest that you spend some weeks praying for wisdom and clarity on the question of whether all of these women are actually dressed immodestly, or if there’s a possibility that your own ideas about modesty might need some biblical tweaking.

I’m not saying that’s definitely the case, because I don’t know you, and I can’t see how all of these women are dressed. I’m saying study up and explore that possibility in private prayer time with the Lord before you decide you need to take action, especially with something as serious as church discipline.

I would also suggest that you and your husband spend some time in prayer about all of this and have some focused discussions around the question of how much of this is his and your sons’ issue and how much of it is your issue. It’s not fair to your husband or sons to assume they are incapacitated by lust over all of these women unless they’ve told you that’s the case. You said, it’s “really causing a heart issue for me,” and I think it might be more of an issue for you that you realize. You may need to explore the questions of:

  • whether or not you trust your husband to be faithful, including whether or not he’s been unfaithful, habitually used pornography, or had a lust problem in the past
  • the balance between protecting your sons from sexual sin and entrusting them to the Lord
  • the degree to which you should be the one dealing with your sons about this issue (As a woman, you don’t have a man’s eyes, brain, or heart. Your husband does. He’s the best one to build your boys into godly men in this area.)
  • whether weight, health, aging, or other factors might be causing you to be jealous of these other women’s appearances
  • if you’ve ever been the victim of sexual abuse, is seeing so many women as immodestly dressed somehow connected to that experience?
  • (I know this is extremely unlikely, but it could apply to another reader): whether you’ve had sin issues of homosexuality or homosexual lust in the past and that might be playing a part in this.
  • whether you’re struggling with trusting the Lord with any aspects of this situation

If your husband is struggling against the sin of lust and/or pornography, my recommendation to him is to contact either a doctrinally sound pastor or godly older man he knows and trusts to disciple him about this, or he needs to set up an appointment with a certified biblical counselor (not the same thing as a “Christian counselor/therapist/psychologist/etc.”).

If you and your husband spend sufficient time studying, praying, seeking wisdom, and discussing all of these things and you can stand before God with a clear conscience and honestly say, “It’s truly not us. There really are a lot of immodestly dressed women around us,” then you can discuss what action, if any, to take. The biblical pattern is to always examine our own hearts first before seeking to correct others.

The biblical pattern is to always examine our own hearts first before seeking to correct others. (See Matthew 7:1-5)

In either case, I would not advise approaching your neighbor about her running garb unless you are extremely close friends (and I suspect you’re not since you called her a “neighbor” instead of a friend, and you can’t confidently say whether or not she’s a Believer). It’s not going to go well no matter how kindly you approach her or what you say.

My advice:

  • Most people run at a regular time each day. Figure out when that is. (For heaven’s sake, don’t ask your neighbor. That’s going to come off as creepy and stalker-ish.)
  • If you’re the one who has the issue with seeing her dressed immodestly, either don’t walk through the living room at her running time (or don’t look out the window if you do), or don’t open the curtains until after that time, or both. However big your property might be, it can’t possibly take more than a few minutes for her to pass your field of vision.
  • Let your husband and sons handle their business of making a covenant with their eyes. That’s their job, not yours. And they’re already having to do it every day in scads of other situations you’re not aware of, so they’ve got some practice at it.

With regard to the situation at the church, either the issue is with you and there aren’t multiple women dressed so immodestly every week that you can’t worship, or there are and this church is not doctrinally sound. Because those two things – ongoing extremely immodest dress by the elders’/deacons family members and a doctrinally sound church – cannot coexist. They cancel each other out.

In addition to it being the biblical pattern, the reason I emphasized examining your own heart first is that I’ve been a member of and visited dozens of churches in my life. I’ve visited a few that would give Bethel a run for its money. And I’ve never, even in the worst of those churches, observed so many women so scantily clad every single week that it would have been impossible for doctrinally sound Christians to worship (had it been a doctrinally sound church). An isolated modesty issue here and there – usually with a visitor? Sure, even in the doctrinally sound churches. But never the type of pervasive, continuous issue you’re describing – something that would prevent potential members from joining the church.

If there truly are multiple elders’/deacons’ family members who are immodestly dressed every week and it’s not being dealt with, it’s not a doctrinally sound church and you shouldn’t join it. Use my Searching for a new church? resource in the blue menu at the top of this page and find another church.

“…is there Scripture that says church discipline should be taking place allowing us to worship too?”

I understand the what you’re trying to convey here – basically the idea that the people who are doing wrong (dressing immodestly) are the ones who should have to change their ways, not the people who are not doing wrong (you and your family). I sympathize and there are many ways in which I agree with you on this.

But you can’t throw that idea into the blender with church discipline or you’ll be guilty of mishandling the Scriptures that deal with church discipline, primarily Matthew 18:15-20.

Now if your brother sins, go and show him his fault, between you and him alone; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as the Gentile and the tax collector.

Matthew 18:15-17

Church discipline has nothing to do with making things right or comfortable or fair *for you*. Church discipline is about rescuing brothers and sisters from sin and reconciling them to Christ and to the church *because we love them*.

Church discipline has nothing to do with making things right or comfortable or fair for you. Church discipline is about rescuing brothers and sisters from sin and reconciling them to Christ and to the church because we love them.

Brothers, even if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, each of you looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. Galatians 6:1

And if anyone does not obey our word in this letter, take special note of that person to not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame. And yet do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother. 2 Thessalonians 3:14-15

My brothers, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins. James 5:19-20

Modesty can be a tricky issue to deal with. Just deal with your own heart first, and then move on to helping and discipling other women in this area.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Sermon on the Mount Bible Study

The Sermon on the Mount ~ Lesson 6

Michelle Lesley

Previous Lessons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Matthew 5:27-32

Questions to Consider

1. Briefly review the “middle parts” (ex: merciful, poor in spirit) of the Beatitudes, the “salt and light” passage, and the “heart of the law” passage in Matthew 5:1-12, 13-16, 14-20. Now read 27-32 in light of those passages.

Summarize, in your own words, the main idea of 27-32.

In the Beatitudes, Jesus lists the traits that define Christian character. In much of the rest of the Sermon on the Mount He fleshes out what many of these character traits look like when walked out in “real life”. Which of the traits (the “middle parts” – there could be several) listed in the Beatitudes is Jesus expanding on in 27-30 and 31-32? How?

How do lust, adultery, and unbiblical divorce bland your saltiness? (13-16) How can crucifying your lust and being faithfully devoted to your husband make you saltier and brighter?

2. Review from our previous lessons (links above) the idea that the Sermon on the Mount is to the New Testament / new covenant what the Ten Commandments were to the Old Testament / old covenant.

How does Jesus refer back to the Ten Commandments in verse 27? How do Jesus’ phrases “You have heard it said…but I say to you…” verbally transition the people from their focus on outward obedience to the letter of the law to zeroing in on the attitude of their hearts and the spirit of the law? Explain how refraining from lust and being faithful and committed to your marriage is the heart of the law (17-20) behind the seventh and tenth Commandments. Connect these passages with 27-32. Where should our outward, behavioral obedience to Christ spring from?

3. Review: Examine again the “You have heard it said…but I say to you…” proclamation. Who had the people heard it (the law) said by? Who taught them the law? How does Jesus saying, “But I say to you…” establish Jesus’ supremacy over the Pharisees, scribes, priests, etc. Imagine you’re one of these Jewish leaders and you’re hearing Jesus say this. What might your initial reaction be?

Recalling our Sermon on the Mount / Ten Commandments motif, how might Jesus’ “You have heard it said…but I say to you…” proclamation have evoked images of Moses as lawgiver, and signaled to the Jewish leaders and people that the better Moses was here?

4. What is “lustful intent”? (28) Make the connection between lust, adultery, and divorce. How could lusting after someone else eventually culminate in divorcing your spouse?

5. Notice the progression from temptation to commission of outward sin in 28-30:

  • Sin of the e_____(28a, 29) leads to…
  • Sin of the h_____(28b) leads to…
  • Sin of the h_____(30)

Which sexual sins does this progression apply to? Which other sins does this progression apply to? Is it fair to say that this progression applies to all sin? Explain what Jesus means by gouging out your right eye and cutting off your right hand as it applies to this progression from temptation to commission of outward sin. How can removing things in your life that are conducive to temptation and sin stop this progression?

6. Using your cross-references for verse 31, what were the Old Testament parameters for divorce? Why, according to Jesus, was this allowance made?

A spouse’s “sexual immorality” (usually adultery) (32) is one of the biblically permissible reasons for divorce. What is the other? Study these passages. How is marriage symbolic of God’s relationship with His people? If marriage symbolizes how God (the “husband”) cares for His people (His “bride”), what does divorce (for unbiblical reasons) say about God? About His people?

Compare 32 to Matthew 19:3-9. Why is divorce so closely tied to adultery? Who joins two people together and makes them one in marriage? Besides divorce due to adultery and abandonment1, what is the only other way God considers a marriage dissolved? Do man’s scribblings on a piece of paper (“certificate of divorce” for unbiblical reasons) change the fact that God still considers those two people married? How does this better help you understand Jesus’ statement in Matthew 19:6: “What God has joined together, let not man separate.”? How does this concept help you understand why, in unbiblical divorces, God considers remarriage to be adultery?

1I know at this point many of you have “Yeah, but…” and “What if…” questions about abusive marriages and/or your own divorces. We can’t deal with those properly here. I would encourage you to use your cross-references and concordance to search the Scriptures about divorce and rightly apply them to your questions, and to get wise counsel from your pastor. If you are currently being abused: please get to a safe place and reach out to your pastor, the police, or another appropriate person for help. Getting to a safe place is not a sin, and it is not the same as an actual divorce.

Homework

  • Read my article The Mailbag: Is Lust a Sin for Women, Too? and study the Scriptures therein.
  • Think of one pernicious sin in your life in which you can see the progression of: sin of the eye>>sin of the heart>>sin of the hand. Explain how each of these steps are fleshed out in your particular sin. What is something you could remove from or add to your life that would make it more difficult for you to be tempted to commit this sin? Prayerfully develop a plan or strategy to “cut off your right hand / gouge out your right eye” (metaphorically speaking) in this area and begin implementing it this week.

Suggested Memory Verse

Women of Genesis Bible Study

The Women of Genesis: Lesson 30- Potiphar’s Wife

Michelle Lesley

Previous Lessons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29

📖📖📖📖📖

Read Genesis 39

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Questions to Consider

1. Briefly review lesson 28 (link above) to refresh your memory on the storyline of Joseph, then read today’s passage. Why do you think Joseph’s story starts in chapter 37, is “interrupted” by the story about Judah, his sons, and Tamar in chapter 38, and then picks back up in chapter 39?

2. How did Potiphar (1) come to acquire Joseph?

3. Carefully examine the description of Potiphar in verses 1-2 and Potiphar’s house, status, and living conditions in verses 1-6. Make a list of the things we can infer about “Mrs. Potiphar” from this information- where and how she lived, her social status, socioeconomic level, etc. Was it likely that Mrs. Potiphar was a Believer in the one true God?

4. Read verses 6-19, closely examining Mrs. Potiphar’s words and actions. Write a character sketch of Mrs. Potiphar, adding in the information from your list from question 3. What adjectives would you use to describe Mrs. Potiphar?

5. Describe Mrs. Potiphar’s outward sins. Outward sin can always be traced back to an inward sinful thought or attitude of heart. What was Mrs. Potiphar’s inward sin? How is lust a form of coveting? When a person covets or lusts after something or someone that doesn’t belong to her, what does that tell us about her attitude toward what she already has and the God who blessed her with those things?

6. The New Testament equates coveting with idolatry. Why?

7. Imagine you are a biblical counselor, and a modern day, recently born again Mrs. Potiphar comes to you for help with her struggle against lust and coveting. Considering questions 5 and 6, what sinful heart attitude would you help her to identify as the cause of her lust and coveting?

In previous lessons, we have explored the biblical model of repentance: putting off the old self (stop doing the sin), renewing your mind (learn what the Bible says about this sin), and putting on the new self (replacing sinful actions with godly actions). How could you apply these passages, using the put off/renew/put on model, to Mrs. Potiphar’s root sin of discontentment? How could thankfulness to God and serving others be the godly opposite of coveting and lust?

8. In what ways was Joseph’s righteous behavior a testimony to the one true God? How could 2 Timothy 3:12-13 apply to his situation in this chapter? Does God guarantee us that things will always go smoothly if we’re obedient to Him? If not, why should we obey Him?

9. Consider this chapter in light of current events of apparently godly men being accused of sexual harassment, abuse, and misogyny. Apply Proverbs 18:17 to both situations: “The first to plead his case seems right, Until another comes and examines him.” Why is it important to carefully and biblically examine those making accusations as well as the accused, so that the guilty are punished and the innocent are not? What were the consequences of a false accusation for Joseph, and how did God care for him? (19-23)

Homework

Do you struggle against the sin of a discontent heart like Mrs. Potiphar did, causing you to lust for and covet things, people, or life circumstances that God has not chosen to give you? Examine and repent of your sin using the put off/renew/put on model. List one Bible verse to memorize that will help you with the “renew” stage. List three specific godly actions you can do (put on) to replace sinful actions (put off). This week, memorize your verse and carry your list with you to remind you of the godly action you can take when you’re tempted to sin. Pray daily, asking God to strengthen you to resist temptation and obey Him.

Suggested Memory Verse

But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison.
Genesis 39:21

Basic Training, Homosexuality

Basic Training: Homosexuality, Gender Identity, and Other Sexual Immorality

Michelle Lesley

For more in the Basic Training series, click here.

Sexuality in Western culture is a mess. Within the last hundred years or so, we’ve devolved from a society that had, broadly speaking, a general understanding of, and compliance with, the Bible’s parameters for sex to today’s sexual mores that barely stop short of child molestation and bestiality and permits – even encourages – nearly every other form of perversion.

It can be difficult to know how to approach these issues which have been suddenly thrust upon us, and with which the average person – Christian or not – has very little experience. How are Christians to think about, believe, and address these issues in our families, churches, and communities? Do we just go with the “live and let live” flow of modern society? No. As with every other issue in life, our thinking, our words, and our actions must be shaped by and in submission to the authority of Scripture. Not public opinion. Not political agendas. Not our own personal feelings, opinions, and experiences. Scripture.

The Bible makes sexuality and gender identity very simple for us. God created two sexes of people– male and female¹. God created marriage to be between one man and one woman. God created human sexuality and confined its use to a man and a woman who are married to each other. Every form of gender identity or human sexuality that falls outside these parameters is sin.

Bearing that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the sexual issues impacting the world, the church, and Christians today and how we can respond to them biblically.

Every form of sexuality that falls outside biblical parameters is sin. Let’s take a look at some of the sexual issues impacting the world, the church, and Christians today and how we can respond to them biblically.

Get the log out
The Bible is very clear that we’re not to be hypocritical when dealing with sin. Scripture’s parameters regarding sexual sin are extremely narrow and govern not only our actions, but our words and thoughts as well. That leaves me guilty. How about you? Where’s your mind when you’re reading that romance novel or watching that steamy movie? Are you using pornography? Flirting with that good looking co-worker even though you’re married? Using double entendres or other suggestive remarks? Exchanging inappropriate e-mails with another man? Fantasizing about sexual encounters with someone you’re not married to? Going farther than you should, physically, on a date? Before we start thinking about addressing the sins others commit, we first need to make sure our own hearts, hands, and mouths are clean by repenting from any sexual sin we’re participating in.

Before we start thinking about addressing the sins others commit, we first need to make sure our own hearts, hands, and mouths are clean by repenting from any sexual sin we’re participating in.

Sweep around your church’s front door
It’s been pointed out by many lost people, that the church is oh so willing to take a strong stand against news-making sexual issues, but sexual sin inside the church is sometimes swept under the rug. They’re right. How does your church deal with an unmarried couple who are cohabiting? A pastor who uses pornography? A church member who is having an affair? A youth director who’s molesting children? A deacon who uses foul language and makes sexual jokes? Does your church practice biblical church discipline when there’s sin in the camp and comply with sexual predation laws? Do you have screening processes in place to protect the children of your church? Does your church teach against all forms of sexual sin?

Be kind
It should go without saying, but since this is a “back to basics” series it bears repeating: Christ expects Christians to be kind to people – all people – and to treat them with human dignity, respect, and biblical love. Not just in the way we talk to people, but in the way we talk to each other about people. People who live in sexual sin are still made in the image of God and deeply loved by Him. Remember, it was God’s kindness that led us to repentance.

People who live in sexual sin are still made in the image of God and deeply loved by Him. Remember, it was God’s kindness that led us to repentance.

There’s no such thing as a “gay Christian“
Or a transgender Christian, or a stripper Christian, or a bank robbing Christian, or liar Christian. Qualifying someone’s Christianity by their pet sin is an oxymoron. Christians, by definition, are people who sorrowfully turn from their sin and become completely new sin-hating creations through the power of the shed blood of Christ. Christians are characterized by lifelong repentance and the desire not to sin out of love for their Savior.

and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
2 Corinthians 5:15-17

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11

Are there people who are genuinely saved but still struggle against sexual sin? Of course. Every truly born again person struggles against sin for the duration of her natural life. But the Bible knows nothing of a willfully unrepentant conversion to Christ or life in Christ (regardless of a previous “decision” for Christ, participation in baptism, etc.). It is a contradiction in terms and simply does not exist. Nobody gets to carry her sin with her past the cross.

The Bible knows nothing of a willfully unrepentant conversion to Christ or life in Christ. It is a contradiction in terms and simply does not exist. Nobody gets to carry her sin with her past the cross.

Tell the good news
People enslaved by sexual sin, especially those who think they’re Christians, need the good news of the gospel just like people enslaved to any other sin. God can and does save people out of homosexuality, transgenderism, promiscuity, and all other forms of sexual immorality, as the 1 Corinthians 6 passage above makes abundantly clear. His arm is not too short to save anyone.

God can and does save people out of homosexuality, transgenderism, promiscuity, and all other forms of sexual immorality. His arm is not too short to save anyone.

Withholding church membership, ordinances, and leadership
Local church membership, ordinances (baptism and the Lord’s Supper), and leadership positions within the church are restricted to Christians, because the church is, by definition, the body of Christ: regenerated believers. It’s certainly fine for any non-believer to attend services, classes, or events at your church as long as she isn’t being disruptive or pushing unbiblical beliefs, but people who are living unrepentantly in any sin are not Christians and should not be invited to become members of the church, participate in baptism or the Lord’s Supper, and certainly should not be given any position of service or leadership in the church.

Going to the chapel if they’re going to get “married”
Christians should not attend same sex weddings (or receptions, showers, bachelor parties, housewarmings, etc.) for any reason. (When it becomes legal, this will also apply to plural marriages (polygamy) and other unbiblical forms of “marriage”.) Regardless of your motives for attending, it appears to others and to the same sex couple as though you approve of their sin.

Often, the reason Christians will give for feeling they should attend a same sex wedding is that they are afraid declining to attend will cause the couple to cut off the relationship with them, closing the door to any future opportunity to share the gospel. But if you’re close enough to the couple to be invited to the wedding, shouldn’t you have already shared the gospel with them? Do you not trust that God can save someone, either immediately or in the future, from one instance of sharing the gospel? This person’s salvation does not rest on your shoulders. It can only be accomplished by the Holy Spirit, and only in His timing. And whether you have or haven’t yet shared the gospel with the couple, what could your attendance at the wedding accomplish other than creating confusion? How can you support their “marriage” by attending the wedding and then turn around later and tell them they need to repent of this sin?

Additionally, attending the wedding sends the message to your children, family, church, friends, co-workers and others that you approve of the sin of homosexuality. We all have people watching us to see whether we stand with Christ or with the world. It’s imperative that we set a godly example.

Yes, if you decline to attend the wedding, you might lose your relationship with that homosexual friend or loved one. But Christ calls us to separate ourselves from the world and be loyal to Him even if it costs us everything- including those we love the most:

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
Matthew 10:37

Yes, you might lose your relationship with that homosexual friend or loved one. But Christ calls us to separate ourselves from the world and be loyal to Him even if it costs us everything- including those we love the most.

The gospel divides. And Christians are always called to stand on Christ’s side of the divide.

The Wedding Singer
For many of the same reasons Christians should not attend same sex weddings (or other unbiblical forms of “marriage”), Christian wedding service providers (singers, photographers, bakers, wedding consultants, venues, etc.) – and certainly churches – should decline to provide services for same sex weddings. Doing so facilitates sin, is unloving to the couple (who needs to hear the gospel and repent), and is disloyal to Christ. Christ died for this sin. How can someone who calls herself a Christian play any part in helping people celebrate a sin that nailed her Savior to the cross? Yes, you might lose your business. Is Christ worth that to you?

How can someone who calls herself a Christian play any part in helping people celebrate a sin that nailed her Savior to the cross?

Boys will be BOYS
It is neither loving nor compassionate to help people participating in transgender or other gender identity sin pretend to be the opposite sex or several sexes or no sex at all. While it’s not a good idea to go around speculating about the biological sex of perfect strangers, if you know a person well enough to know that he was born male or she was born female, you should not be using referent terminology that indicates otherwise. A biological male is a “him” not a “her” or a “them.” A biological female is a “her” not a “ze” or “fae”. Christians should also not be participating in other activities that further gender identity sins such as helping a biological male shop for female clothing, attending “coming out” parties, referring to “pregnant men” when the pregnant person is biologically female, etc.

Policy and Procedure
One of the main ways the sexual immorality agenda is being advanced is through lawsuits. If your church won’t allow a same sex wedding in its facilities, the church could be sued. We’ve already seen many instances of wedding service providers who have been sued for declining to provide services for same sex weddings. Laws are now in effect which attempt to force businesses to use the preferred pronouns of those in gender identity sin. It’s a good idea for churches, Christian businesses and other Christian organizations to study up on the legislation surrounding sexual sin, and put in place any possible legal protections. Does your church, business, or organization have the proper written policies in place? You might want to take a look at the Nashville Statement as an example or template.

Sexual sin, whatever form it may take, is just that: sin. People who participate in sexual sin are not a special sect of society. They are sinners just like everybody else. They need love and the gospel just like everybody else. As Christians, we must stand firm on what the Bible says about sexual sin and call those who are enslaved by it out of darkness and into His glorious light. We must offer them the peace, the hope, and the cleansing from sin that only Christ can give.

As Christians, we must stand firm on what the Bible says about sexual sin and call those who are enslaved by it out of darkness and into His glorious light.

¹Yes, I’m aware that the Fall brought with it genetic disorders and congenital defects that can cause abnormalities in human genitalia. These are extremely rare and require correction and treatment by medical professionals. It is also beyond the scope of this article, which refers to the overwhelming majority of those who choose to participate in sexual immorality or the mutilation of their bodies. Please see the Mailbag article, Ambiguous Anatomy… below.

Additional Resources

The Mailbag: Should Christians Attend A Homosexual Wedding?

The Mailbag: What’s In a Name?

The Mailbag: Church Roles and Ambiguous Anatomy

The Mailbag: Guess who’s coming to (the women’s ministry) dinner?

Preventative Measures: 6 Steps SBC Churches Can Take to Prevent Sexual Abuse

Christmas Dinner with the Sexual Sinner at A Word Fitly Spoken

Pride, Pronouns, and Prodigals at A Word Fitly Spoken

Unashamed: Standing Firm on a Biblical Sexual Ethic at A Word Fitly Spoken

A Review of Single, Gay, Christian by Gabe Hughes