Mailbag – Page 2 – Michelle Lesley

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Vision boards… Teen’s problematic friends… Sharing the gospel live on social media)

July 21, 2026July 20, 2026 Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er, kinda? sometimes?) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

I looked for an article on your blog about vision boards, but didn’t see one. What’s wrong with a vision board? Do you dislike them in all instances or simply in certain applications?

I hope you don’t mind, but let’s reframe the question just a tad. I totally understand what you mean, I’d just like to clarify for everyone that it’s irrelevant whether I “like” or “dislike” something. My personal, subjective opinions don’t matter one bit (and neither do anyone else’s). What matters is what God says in His written Word about things like this. So let’s use the question, “What does God tell us in His written Word about vision boards?”.

The way vision boards are typically used in both the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR), the New Age, and non-Christian circles is to figure out all your goals and dreams, put pictures of them on a board, hang the board where you can see it often, and focus on those pictures/goals/dreams in order to “manifest” them. Nowhere in Scripture does God instruct us to do anything of the sort. It’s idolatry, usually based in coveteousness, and a form of witchcraft.

How so? A vision board redirects your heart toward idolizing an object or a goal you want and away from being completely submitted to and content with what God wants. Ephesians 5 says:

walk as children of light (for the fruit of that light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:8b-10

The entire posture of the Christians life can be summed up in Jesus’ brief prayer in Gethsemane: “Not my will, but Yours be done.”. We’re not to get up every day, look at a picture of a house, or a job, or a degree we want and make that the motivating force for everything we do that day in order to obtain that thing.

We’re to get up every day, look to Christ in His Word and in prayer, “try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord,” and make that the motivating force for everything we do that day. Scripture doesn’t teach us to live our lives for a temporal goal or material possessions. Scripture teaches us to live our lives dying to self and obeying Christ. That’s the goal we live for.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Matthew 6:19-21

God’s way is not for us to attempt to “manifest” things on our own by visualizing them and speaking incantations to try to take them by force from God’s hand, but to bring everything to Him in prayer, be obedient to His Word, submit to Him, and trust Him to bring the opportunities and situations our way that He thinks are best for us and our sanctification.

Additional Resources:

What does the Bible say about vision boards? at Bible Hub

What are vision boards, and are they biblical? at Got Questions

Vision Boards by Doreen Virtue

My daughter is 14 and has a friend group of about twelve friends. Two identify as bisexual, one identifies as gay, and another as transgender. Any suggestions for navigating this season with her? I’m struggling with it, she is not.

Oh dear. I’d be struggling with it, too. I’ve take a moment to pray for you and your daughter, and I’d like to ask my readers to pause here and pray for both of you, too.

I’m assuming “friend group” means a group of friends your daughter is close to and spends a lot of time with. In other words, not acquaintances she sees occasionally and might exchange a few pleasantries with every now and then. If so, you’re right to be concerned. Scripture tells us:

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has a sanctuary of God with idols?

Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

He who walks with the wise will be wise, But the friend of fools will suffer harm.
2 Corinthians 6:14-16a, 1 Corinthians 15:33, Proverbs 13:20

And real world experience backs up the Bible. Even non-Christian experts who study such things tell us that sexual immoralities such as bisexuality, homosexuality, and transsexuality, have spread among teenagers largely via social media and their friends. It’s just the latest iteration of fads like ripped jeans and wearing your hat backwards, only with farther reaching and much more devastating consequences.

I’m a little in the dark about your family dynamics. I don’t know whether or not you’re married, and, if so, whether or not your husband is your daughter’s father, and whether or not he’s a Believer. I also don’t know whether or not your daughter claims to be a Believer. I’m assuming you’re a Believer since you reached out to me.

All of those things will impact the situation, but, ideally, you and your husband / your daughter’s father, who is a Believer, will sit down together, talk the situation through, and then present a united front when the three of you sit down, discuss this, and he informs your daughter that she will no longer spend time with these friends.

It doesn’t matter that she wants to. It doesn’t matter how many “good reasons” she has for spending time with them or how much she assures you that she won’t be swayed from a biblical sexual ethic. You are the parents. She is the child. You are older and wiser than she is, and you can see the dangers in this situation that she can’t see.

If your daughter claims to be a Christian, I would suggest appealing first to the fact that, over and above your rules as parents, she is supposed to be obeying Scripture. And as the three Scriptures I’ve cited above demonstrate, we are not to be entangled in intimate relationships with unbelievers.

If she’s not convinced and not motivated by obedience to Christ to extricate herself from these friendships on her own, you and your husband will need to take the reins and explain to her that because you love Christ and want to obey His Word, and because you love her, you will no longer allow her to maintain these friendships: no spending time with these people, no texting, calling, emailing, or social media communication with them, etc.

Whatever you do, stand firm. Do not cave to her whining, crying, anger, or histrionics. Inform her of the consequences of disobeying you by contacting members of this friend group, and, if she disobeys, follow through. Be consistent.

And you’ll want to remind her of Ephesians 6:1:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Ephesians 6:1

You said your daughter is “not struggling with” spending time with this friend group. I’m not sure whether this means that your daughter is a sweet, young, somewhat naive, genuine Christian who thinks being friends with these people will draw them to Christ, or whether it means the opposite: that she’s not “unequally yoking” with them, she’s equally yoking with them because she is -as they are- not truly saved.

If that’s the case, she needs the gospel. Don’t beat her over the head with it every five minutes, but pray fervently for her salvation, and ask the Lord to give you wisdom and natural opportunities to discuss it with her.

If you and your husband are not already faithful, invested members of a doctrinally sound local church, that’s something you need to begin working toward immediately, and your daughter needs to faithfully attend with you and be involved as well. She needs to be removed from the pagan environment she’s chosen and redirected into the godly environment she needs.

I would also encourage you to set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel about all of this. Perhaps he can suggest a godly older woman to disciple you through this situation, or an older couple who can counsel you and your husband.

With the Lord’s help, you can handle this in obedience to Him. Ask Him to give you strength and wisdom, and trust Him to guide you through this trial.

I wanted to start sharing the gospel in live videos on Facebook. Would doing this live fit the definition of preaching to men even if you state it’s for women or would it be best to create a private group for women only? I’ve received conflicting opinions on this before. Thank you.

I’m so glad you’re thinking about this and desiring to come to a biblical conclusion! That’s so encouraging!

There are two things to take into consideration here, a) what Scripture actually states, and b) conscience, wisdom, and appearance.

Scripture does not prohibit women from sharing the gospel with others, even men. In fact, all Christians are commanded to share the gospel in the Great Commission (also click here and see #11).

Unfortunately, these days many professing Christians conflate evangelism with pastoring and preaching. Evangelism is sharing the gospel with lost people outside the church, which all Christians are commanded to do. Pastoring and preaching is biblical instruction to saved people inside the church, which God has restricted to biblically qualified men. Evangelism and pastoring/preaching are two completely different, separate things. We have to keep our biblical categories straight.

You’ll want to avoid using a tone and demeanor that look and sound like a pastor delivering a sermon, and you shouldn’t say things that sound like you’re lecturing men in particular about their failures or how they could be better husbands, fathers, or pastors, or things like that, but simply explaining how to be saved, in a conversational tone, to a general audience of whichever random people happen to click on your video is not biblically problematic. I wrote all of the material at the What Must I Do to Be Saved? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, and I share it around all the time on social media. It’s no different than sharing a tract or a website or video that shares the gospel.

Now, on the conscience, wisdom, and appearance side of things, if you feel uneasy that, for example, some of your Facebook friends go to “churches” with women “pastors” and you’re concerned they would think that’s what you’re doing (which is a distinct possibility), or if you would feel uncomfortable with your live videos being available to men, or whatever the case may be, then by all means, put up some biblical fences. Go ahead and create a private group if you want. Or, start each video with a statement or graphic that says this content is addressed to women (and re-assert that during the video with your language… “Ladies, I want you to know…” “Sisters, let’s pray…” etc.). Or maybe you present it on your regular Facebook page, and your husband (if you’re married) or another godly man or two in your life would agree to to be “on call” in the comments during the live, and if they see a man asking questions, they could dialog back and forth with him.

Thank you so much for being faithful to share the gospel!❤️

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Christians, the Bible, and Tattoos

July 14, 2026July 19, 2026 Michelle Lesley

Originally published February 7, 2023

Do you have any resources on tattoos? We’re having a very HOT discussion in our ladies group and it’s causing conflict.

Ya know, I thought for sure I had written something about that by now, but I guess not. So, here goes…

To me, personally, tattoos are ugly as sin. I don’t care how beautiful the artwork is, or if it’s a Bible verse, or a tribute to someone you love. It reminds me of graffiti spray-painted on an overpass. I don’t understand why anyone would permanently mar her body that way, not to mention the fact that those things aren’t going to look so great when you’re in your 80’s and wrinkly. And, if you change your mind about your tattoo(s) later, it’s my understanding that they’re painful and expensive to remove. If anyone ever comes to me to ask my opinion about getting a tattoo, my answer will be an across the board, no matter what: don’t do it.

And you know what? None of that matters to this question, because it’s just my personal, subjective opinion and preference. So what? We want to know what the Bible says, because the Bible is our authority in life, not Michelle’s disdain of the aesthetics of tattoos. (Nor, for that matter, your opinion that tattoos are cool and groovy and pulchritudinous.)

What does the Bible say about getting a tattoo?
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So what does the Bible say about getting a tattoo?

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

“But what about Leviticus 19:28? ‘You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the Lord.'”

I sure hope you don’t have pierced ears or that you’ve ever undergone elective surgery if you’re trying to make that verse say that the Bible prohibits tattoos as we know them today. Because if you have, according to your own hermeneutic, you’re just as guilty as the tatted teen down the pew from you.

Compare Leviticus 19:28 in several different trustworthy translations. Read the cross references. Read the whole chapter.

Look at the macro-context of this verse. It’s in the Old Testament. Right off the bat, our knee-jerk reaction should be, “This might not apply directly to New Testament Christians. I’d better look at it super carefully.”.

And indeed, we should. Because, not only is it in the Old Testament, it’s in the Old Testament law. And while we know that God’s moral law is transcendent (for all time), we also know that Jesus fulfilled the law, which is why the ceremonial (Old Testament worship) and civil (the government of the Old Testament nation of Israel) laws largely no longer apply directly to the everyday lives of Christians. I mean, look just one verse earlier, at Leviticus 19:27: “You shall not round off the hair on your temples or mar the edges of your beard.”. Are the menfolk in your family keeping that one? OK, then.

At the time God breathed out this law, the rituals in Leviticus 19:28 (and also in verse 27) were pagan practices – likely originating or proliferating in Egypt or Canaan – associated with mourning the dead. Gashing one’s body was practiced by most pagan nations and was intended both to show respect for the dead and to intercede with the gods on behalf of the dead. Tattoos were associated with the names of particular pagan gods and were an indication that the tattooed person had permanently dedicated himself to the worship of that god.

So, look also at the micro-context of the phrases within verse 28. “You shall not make any cuts on your body” and “tattoo yourselves” are both connected to the phrase “for the dead”. That’s a modifier. This verse doesn’t mean “don’t pierce your ears or have a C-section” or “don’t tattoo a Bible verse on your arm”. It means don’t cut your body in this particular context: for the dead, because that’s paganism. Likewise, don’t tattoo yourself because that’s paganism, just like cutting yourself for the dead is. You’re God’s people, not pagans. Act like it.

So, does this verse apply to Christians, and, if so, how?

If you’re cutting or marring your body in order to mourn the dead, to plead with false gods on behalf of the dead, or to worship or dedicate yourself to false gods, you’re in sin. (Also, you’re almost certainly not saved.)

But that’s not typically why even lost people get tattoos these days.

The Christians I know who have gotten tattoos have usually done so because they thought the tattoo was aesthetically pleasing and/or because it was meaningful to them in some way (their favorite Bible verse, the names of their children or spouse, etc.).

Does the Bible prohibit artistic tattoos for such reasons? No. As much as you or I might not like them personally, the Bible doesn’t teach “Thou shalt not get a tattoo.”. And if you teach that it does, you’re lying about God’s Word. It’s OK to express your personal opinion that you don’t like tattoos. It’s not OK to tell someone else she’s sinning if she gets a tattoo or that Scripture says she can’t.

As much as you or I might not like them personally, the Bible doesn’t teach “Thou shalt not get a tattoo.”. And if you teach that it does, you’re lying about God’s Word.
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There are, however, some Scriptures that might be related to getting a tattoo that you’ll want to consider and obey if you’re thinking about getting one:

If you’re a minor child who’s still under the authority of your parents, and they forbid you from getting a tattoo, you have to obey them.
If your husband doesn’t want you to get a tattoo, you need to submit to him.
Examine your heart. Why do you want to get a tattoo? Are your reasons worldly, or God-glorifying?
Is paying for a tattoo honoring God with your finances?
Is there any way in which getting a tattoo could harm your witness for Christ or be a stumbling block to someone?

Tattoos aren’t my personal cup of tea. And you know what? That’s just as OK as if tattoos are your personal cup of tea. I still love you just as much, and I don’t look down on you or pass judgment on you. (In fact with my nearly non-existent powers of observation, I probably won’t even notice you have one.) The Bible doesn’t allow for that. Assuming you’re obeying all of the Scriptures above, tattoos are an issue of Christian liberty.

Additional Resources

Can a Christian Get a Tattoo? by Todd Friel

What does the Bible say about Tattoos? with John MacArthur

What does the Bible say about tattoos? at Got Questions

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (SDA… VBS… Women non-pastors going to Hell?… Divorce my second husband or face Hell?)

July 7, 2026July 7, 2026 Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er, kinda? sometimes?) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

The Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) faith is very prominent where I live. I previously worked with many SDA, and I actually liked that they observed the Sabbath on Saturday because it meant that I worked on their [day of worship], so they worked on mine. Other than dietary restrictions, I didn’t find any of their core beliefs any different from my own. However, I’m sure some things simply weren’t discussed, so I’m not knowledgeable about all of their beliefs. Are you familiar with SDA? Would you classify them as Christian?

SDA is, at best, not doctrinally sound, and, at worst, a cult. Similarly to Mormonism, the New Apostolic Reformation, Oneness Pentecostalism, etc., it is a religion that identifies as “Christian” and uses unbiblically redefined Christian terminology.

Let me direct you to CARM, the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry, which has done far more research on SDA than I have. It is a great resource for information on cults, sects, and religions.

I’ve recently added the SDA link, as well as all of the other links below, to the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

Seventh-day Adventism

Jehovah’s Witnesses

Oneness Pentecostalism

King James Only-ism/KJV Only-ism

Islam

Henri Nouwen

Finneyism (Charles Finney)

I would like your opinion about VBS. I know….i may sound critical or unchristian-like to feel differently about this annual event held at almost every church even though I have helped out in the past with VBS at our church but I walked away wondering about the effectiveness of it all. On the final day of VBS, there were children that raised their hands to accept Jesus after a week of crafts, snacks, games, songs, dances, lights, colorful decorations. Did they truly know what the decision was truly about? We never saw them or their families again. I know when school is out for the year, parents put together a schedule of the dates and area churches where they can drop their kids off for VBS activities. They see it all like it’s free child care.

I read about one pastor who questioned the goals of VBS as well, seeing all the money spent and energy from all the volunteers, so willing to reach the unsaved. He decided to redirect all the resources like the lessons, activities, and helpers for weekly Sunday School while reaching out, not just to the children, but also to the families. I guess my concern comes from seeing the trend in so many churches today, that are relying on entertainment more and more and less and less on the gospel. I know children need fun activities to engage them but I would like your thoughts on it all.

For those not in the know, VBS stands for Vacation Bible School. I explained what VBS is and gave a few of my thoughts about it in part 2 of our A Word Fitly Spoken podcast miniseries, That’s (Church) Life! – How to “Do Church”(cued):

I think every church needs to decide for itself whether or not VBS is a good choice for their particular circumstances and context.

Let’s see if I can address some of your more specific concerns:

I know….i may sound critical or unchristian-like to feel differently

This is a very important point to address. I’d like all of us diehard VBS-ers to take a deep breath, take a step back, and consciously grasp something here: VBS can be a very good thing, but is not indispensable. The church got along just fine without it for 2000 years, and any church today can also get along just fine without it.

Our sister’s comment here is indicative of the fact that VBS (and other church traditions) can sometimes be so engrained that it becomes an idol. And when a faithful Christian sister comes along and says, “I don’t think VBS is a fit for my church,” or, “Here’s an aspect of VBS I think is unbiblical,” or inefficient or whatever, and she feels like she’s got to brace herself against those who would accuse her of being “critical or unchristian-like to feel differently,” then the idolatry of VBS is a greater problem than the person questioning some aspect of it.

On the final day of VBS, there were children that raised their hands to accept Jesus…Did they truly know what the decision was truly about?

This is a huge problem, but it’s not the fault of VBS itself, it’s the fault of the pastor for allowing things to be done this way. This type of easy-believism, “Just repeat this prayer after me and you’re saved,” Finneyistic approach to salvation has probably created more false converts than any other single evangelistic “method”.

I can assure you that churches which are more doctrinally sound don’t engage in shenanigans like this. At my church, the kids are taught the VBS Bible lessons and the gospel is presented on parents’ night. During the week, teachers and pastors make sure everyone -parents and children- knows that if they have any questions about the gospel or salvation, they are available to talk, one on one.

a week of crafts, snacks, games, songs, dances, lights, colorful decorations…I guess my concern comes from seeing the trend in so many churches today, that are relying on entertainment more and more and less and less on the gospel. I know children need fun activities to engage them…

There’s nothing wrong with fun and games at VBS, as it sounds like you’d agree, especially if all of that hoopla is relegated to one week a year, or on an occasional basis. VBS-style fun should be a special treat, not the regular fare of Sunday School and other children’s Bible and worship activities at church every week. Again, churches being houses of entertainment rather than houses of worship is not the fault of VBS itself, but of the pastor (or “pastor,” as the case may be).

We never saw them or their families again.

That’s typical of VBS (and most other evangelistic efforts) at most churches. We do an outreach thing and we share the gospel with them. Most of the seed is going to land on the path, or the rocky soil, or be eaten by the birds. The Bible tells us this is going to happen. We scatter seed anyway.

One thing that can be helpful (and many churches do this) is for the church to take the information the parents provided when registering their child for VBS and follow up with home visits and/or other forms of contact after VBS is over, and even throughout the year.

I know when school is out for the year, parents put together a schedule of the dates and area churches where they can drop their kids off for VBS activities. They see it all like it’s free child care.

Great! Their kids are learning the Bible for hours every day during the summer! That’s awesome! (That is, of course, assuming all the churches they’re taking the kids to are doctrinally sound, which I know is a huge assumption. But, in theory, great!)

Seriously, where would you rather those unchurched kids be spending their days? Daycare? Some public school (or other non-Christian) program? At home watching TV and playing video games?

Uh uh. I would even encourage local, doctrinally sound churches to band together and make sure none of their VBS weeks overlap for this very purpose.

That’s absolutely fine. Like I said, each church should decide for itself whether or not VBS is a fit. If not, there’s no shame in stewarding your time and efforts in a different direction for evangelism. (But do keep in mind, most churches are aiming to reach the parents through the children’s participation in VBS. That’s why they have parents’ night, follow up, etc.) There are also churches that do VBS in the evenings when more parents can be around, and even churches that do adult VBS (adult level Bible study, worship, refreshments, and possibly a craft or other fun activity).

If you have questions or concerns about your own church’s VBS, I would encourage you to set up an appointment with your pastor and very kindly and lovingly discuss them with him.

I don’t know why I keep seeing your post show up on my facebook feed when I don’t even follow you but I do.

Hi there! What a super friendly way to begin an email to a stranger! Is this the first impression of your character you really want to make?

Readers, I get messages, comments, and emails from professing Christians all the time from people I’ve never heard of or interacted with, and this is the kind of tone (actually, often much worse) they lead with. And then they expect me to take them seriously as Christians offering their thoughts on biblical topics.

I can think of three reasons:

Somebody you’re friends with follows me and shares my posts, or…
It’s the algorithm. Perhaps you follow several Christian women teachers and for once a social media algorithm actually worked for me instead of against me and dropped my posts into your feed thinking you’d be interested in following me, too, and…
It’s God’s Providence. The Lord knew you needed to hear whatever part of His Word I was discussing that day and He used my post to get your attention and teach you something. Count your blessings that He didn’t knock you off your high horse and blind you to get the message across.

It grieved me to see your latest post to all of your followers about women pastors spending eternity in hell.

It grieves me that you’ve so badly mischaracterized whichever post this was. (Readers, if you’re going to write to me to complain about something I’ve written, please be specific so I’ll know what you’re talking about. I’ve written a lot of things over the past 18 years. I need to know, specifically, what you’re upset about so I can take a look at it and correct, clarify, or explain it.)

If you’re talking about this article, I clearly explained that people do not go to Hell for committing a particular sin. People go to Hell because they aren’t saved.

The Bible also tells us that people who are genuinely born again Christians do not live in habitual, willful, unrepentant sin, such as the habitual, willful, unrepentant sin of a woman pretending to be a “pastor”.

When you put these two truths together, the result is that the profession of female “pastor” doesn’t attract applicants who are genuinely saved and pursuing holiness, because those women don’t want to live in sin. It attracts women who are lost because they do want to live in sin. It’s the same with any sinful lifestyle: thievery, promiscuity, homosexuality, murder, etc.

The majority of people living sinful lifestyles are not saved. That’s why, unless they repent and believe the gospel, they will spend their eternity in Hell.

I am not a paster (sic) myself, but I have 3 friends who are and they are the most amazing women.

Let me illustrate something for you:

I’m not a lesbian myself, but I have three friends who are, and they are the most amazing women.

Do you see the faulty reasoning there? The opinion that they’re “amazing women” doesn’t mean they’re not sinning. If they’re disobeying God’s Word, they’re sinning, “amazingness” notwithstanding.

One of them works as a chaplin (sic) in a hospital.

A chaplain in a hospital is not a pastor. (But readers, this mistaking of chaplains for pastors is exactly why I advise women not to serve as chaplains. See #27 here.)

She is the head chaplin and has 3 other female chaplins that report to her. Men do not want to do this work. If it wasn’t for this group of lovey ladies that hospital would have no chaplins at all. My friend has personally led at least half a dozen people to Christ on their death bed, and I am guessing some of the other ladies have done so as well.

Let me say it again. A chaplain is not a pastor. The question is not how wonderful your friend is. The question is, “Is she disobeying Scripture?”. From your description, I have no idea. As I’ve said here (#27), there are all kinds of different job descriptions for chaplains. Some may require women to disobey Scripture, some may not. If all your friend is doing is visiting the sick and dying, sharing the gospel with them, and maybe doing some administrative duties, she’s not violating Scripture.

It’s absolutely fine and biblical for women to do these things I’ve described – not because your friend can’t find men to fill the job, but because the women who do them are not disobeying Scripture. Conversely, it is not OK for a woman to be a pastor (again, a chaplain is not a pastor) simply because a man is not readily available for the job. I would encourage you to read my recent Mailbag article I Have to Preach Because No Man Will Step Up.

My next friend in in charge of a clothing closet and soup kitchen for women and children who are homeless or in abusive relationships.

A person who is in charge of a clothing closet and soup kitchen is not a pastor. She’s ministering (the verb, “minister” does not mean “pastor”) to women and children. This is not prohibited by Scripture (as women being “pastors” is), it is commanded by Scripture.

These woman and children come to her and are clothed and fed and ministered to. As a result of her work, 15 children who frequent her soup kitchen are spending this week at VBS and learning about Jesus, while their mothers are getting some much-needed counseling.

All of that is great, but your friend is not a pastor and she’s not doing anything unbiblical. Again, the question is not, “Is my friend producing great results?”. The question is: “Is my friend obeying Scripture?”. And the answer to that question seems to be, “Yes.”.

My last friend does grief counseling,

A grief counselor is not a pastor.

She has spent the last 10 years comforting couples that have lost their children and walking people through the grieving process. She is the first person to show up at the doorstep after a church member has passed so that she can comfort the family members.

That’s wonderful. I’ve mentioned in past articles and podcasts that because of the compassionate and caring way God has generally wired women, we are often uniquely suited to minister to the bereaved even better than men sometimes are. But that doesn’t make any woman who does so a pastor.

Although it’s wiser for a pastor or elder (with or without their wives) to formally counsel couples and men, your friend is not violating Scripture by ministering to those who have lost a loved one, she is obeying Scripture.

These 3 women spend their days feeding and clothing the lost and hungry, consoling the sick and dying, and comforting the grieving.

That’s great. You said you had three women friends who are pastors. None of the women you’ve told me about are pastors, and, from what you have told me, it sounds like they’re all being obedient to Scripture.

Quite frankly they do the work that no one else wants to do. They are out there doing this important work and they do it with such grace and compassion and patience and gentleness.

Again, that’s not the issue. The issue is whether or not they’re obeying Scripture. It sounds like these ladies are obeying Scripture.

But I need you to hear me on this: If they were disobeying Scripture, “Nobody else wants to do this work,” and “They’re doing this important work with grace…” would not excuse their sin.

There is never any excuse for disobeying God.

Christians are not people who “obey” God if it’s convenient, or if it works, or if it’s in line with what I want to do, or if it produces “good” results. Christians are people who obey God no matter what, and we leave the outcome up to Him.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:18 that a bad tree can not bear good fruit. If they are such bad trees…

I never said they were bad trees. You jumped to that wrong conclusion and falsely accused me of characterizing them as “bad trees” because (and I’m sorry this is going to sting a little, but I would not be loving you well if I didn’t tell you the truth) you don’t know your Bible. You clearly don’t know what a pastor is and isn’t, and what does and doesn’t constitute obedience to Scripture.

(But it’s never too late to start studying your Bible, and I encourage you to do so! If you need some help, check out the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.)

(If they are such bad trees,) then why do I see such an abundant harvest coming out of their lives?

But you’re not judging their “harvest” according to rightly handled Scripture. You’re judging their “harvest” according to what seems good to you and according to what seems to “work” and produce “successful” results. That’s pragmatism, not biblical Christianity. In biblical Christianity, rightly handled Scripture is our measuring stick, not what we personally like or the anticipated outcome.

It grieves me to see you teaching these people who look up to you as some kind of authority figure that they “will likely spend eternity in hell”.

And it grieves me that you have gotten yourself all worked up and falsely accused a sister in Christ (me), not because of something I’ve done wrong, but because you don’t know your Bible. It grieves me any time professing Christian women don’t know their Bibles.

One thing I am thankful for is, that when it comes to where these beautiful ladies will spend eternity, Jesus is the one that makes that call.

Of course He does. I never said, nor do I think that I “make that call”. I’m just repeating what He has clearly revealed to all of us about it in His written Word (you can read it for yourself if you don’t believe me). If you have a problem with that, your problem is not with me, but with Him.

I just read your article on divorce and remarriage*. I am struggling with this right now and it’s making me sick. We are visiting a new church, so I’m uncomfortable talking with the Pastor just yet. I recently spoke with a few people with the Permeance of Marriage view. They told me I was headed to hell unless I get out of my remarriage. My ex husband was unfaithful and proceeded with a divorce a few months later 35 yrs. ago. I’ve read Jesus’s teachings over and over and it seems that he was talking about the betrothal period for the exception clause. My spirit is very anxious right now. I’m old and don’t how I can divorce and fend for myself. Anyway, I just want some peace and don’t know what to do. Thank you for your articles.

*(I’ve written several articles about divorce and remarriage. I don’t know which of them this reader is referring to.)

Take a deep breath and rest in the peace of Christ.

Here is what I’m understanding you to say:

Thirty-five years ago, your husband committed adultery and then divorced you. At some point, you subsequently remarried someone else.

Assuming I have that correct, please do not listen to the people who are telling you that you have to divorce your current husband. That is completely unbiblical counsel and demonstrates that they know nothing about what the Bible says about salvation or about divorce and remarriage. They are also not representative of the true permanence view of marriage. People representing the biblical permanence view would simply have told you after your divorce was final that you could not get married again, but they certainly would not have come along after you were already remarried and told you to get a divorce. That doesn’t make sense. It is in contradiction with the permanence view.

As to losing your salvation (i.e. going to hell if you don’t get a divorce), that is ridiculous and borders on the heretical. If you are genuinely saved, you cannot lose your salvation for any reason. (If you’re not genuinely saved, you don’t have any salvation to lose.) I hope you’ll find my article The Mailbag: Can unforgiveness cause you to you lose your salvation? to be reassuring. It’s on a different topic, but it deals with the issue of whether or not someone can lose her salvation.

I would also like to point out that you did not sin in the ending of your first marriage. You were sinned against. Your husband committed adultery. Your husband divorced you. That does not preclude you from remarrying, biblically. Even if you had been the one to pursue the divorce, you could have remarried without sinning. Adultery is one biblical allowance for divorce, abandonment is the other.

(And none of the divorce exceptions passages are talking about the betrothal period in biblical times. During the betrothal period, the couple was considered married in every way except that the marriage had not yet been consummated, but if you’ll read all three of these passages in context, it’s clear that they’re all talking about consummated marriages because they all speak in terms of adultery, “one flesh,” sex inside of marriage, etc. They are not talking about betrothed couples, they are talking about married couples.

At any rate, this is neither here nor there as it pertains to marriage today. In our culture, we do not have betrothals akin to the betrothals observed during biblical times.)

You’re receiving some very poor and unbiblical counsel from these people who ostensibly hold the permanence view. If those people were at your previous church, and you’ve now found a doctrinally sound church, that’s good. But if this is the unbiblical view your new church is teaching, I would urge you to find a new church that’s doctrinally sound and where Scripture is handled correctly. Being in a sound church where you’re being taught biblically should help alleviate your anxiety.

Rest in the truth of God’s Word, sister. The truth shall set you free.

Answering a Fool, Complementarianism, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Answering a Fool #6

June 23, 2026June 23, 2026 Michelle Lesley

Answer a fool according to his folly,
lest he be wise in his own eyes.
Proverbs 26:5

There’s a lot of foolishness masquerading as Christianity these days. Occasionally, I get e-mails and messages showcasing this type of foolishness. It needs to be biblically corrected so these folks can stop “being wise in their own eyes,” repent, and believe and practice the truth of Scripture. From time to time, I share those e-mails in The Mailbag with a biblical corrective, not only so the e-mail writer can be admonished by Scripture, but to provide you with Scriptures and reasoning you can use if you’re ever confronted with this kind of foolishness.

To answer a fool according to his folly (or in the case of most of the foolishness addressed to me – a professing Christian acting the fool by spouting unbiblical folly) is to stand toe to toe with him and firmly and biblically address his unbiblical foolishness without backing down or letting him run roughshod over you – sometimes even mirroring his own words back to him to help him see his hypocrisy.

Some Christians think holding your ground, refusing to compromise on biblical truth, and offering correction in this way is unkind or unloving. It is not. Not if you’re going by the Bible’s definition of love rather than the world’s definition (“be nice” “accept everything” “don’t confront”), and not when you’re dealing with a pridefully stubborn person. One of the most unloving things a Christian can do is to see a professing brother or sister in biblical error and ignore it rather than trying to help that person see the truth of God’s Word. Jesus, Paul, Peter, Jude, John, Jeremiah, Isaiah, and many others, did this plenty of times in Scripture, and, often, much more stringently than I and other 21st century Christians do. Sometimes love – real, biblical love – has to be tough in order to reach someone’s heart.

You can read more in the “Answering a Fool” series here.

The following comment was left in response to last week’s Mailbag article, The Mailbag: I Have to Preach Because No Man Will Step Up. I’ve posted the comment in its entirety below, then broken down into manageable parts with my responses. Buckle up.😀

As a believer who has witnessed woman step up in communities all over the world, where no man would to share the Gospel, and lead their community towards Christ (even when their life was at risk), I would argue that she ought to continue preaching. It is one thing to flaunt a leadership position as if women are better than men (and the same would be wrong if a man claimed he was better than a woman). Because at the end of the day, the role is for the called, man or woman. If you research on missionaries of the past, hundreds of people have been saved by women. Are you claiming none of those women should have followed the great commission commanded to ALL believers in Matthew 28 and that all those lives they pointed to Christ weren’t worth it? Paul even asks in Romans 10:14-15, how people are to be saved if no one goes to share the Gospel with them.

Arguments like these are the reason we have prideful men in the Church who take roles they’re not called for and we have obedient women trying to ignore the calling God gave them in fear of judgement from their own community. I am not a feminist in any sense, but when it comes to silencing ANY believer from sharing the love and truth of Christ (man or woman) I cannot sit back and watch the Church divide itself on things that have nothing to do with salvation.

You want to discuss sin? What about the leaders that are liars, jealous, prideful, lustful, and gossipers? What about the pastors that preach love and compassion and go home to abuse their family? Because I’ve seen men and women do that in those roles. It’s not a discussion of whether it be man or woman. It should be a decision based a spirit-led calling.

More so, what is the significant of a claim like this? To bring down Christ followers from living how Jesus called us to? Because that’s all you’re doing when you rather have a community have no one leading them to Jesus over someone who isn’t afraid to obey just because they’re a woman.

As a believer who has witnessed woman (sic) step up in communities all over the world, where no man would to share the Gospel, and lead their community towards Christ (even when their life was at risk), I would argue that she ought to continue preaching.

You can argue that, but it’s an ungodly, unbiblical, worldly argument based solely on your fleshly human desires. It is not based on Scripture, which explains God’s desires to us. If you’re a Christian, God’s Word is your authority for life and doctrine, not your opinions. If you’re a Christian, you’re a slave of Christ, and you’re not entitled to any thought, opinion, belief, position, or worldview other than your Master’s. And if you think you are, I’d be very interested to hear you argue that.

at the end of the day, the role is for the called, man or woman.

You’re half right, here. The role of pastor, and the function of pastor (preaching) is for the called. God does the calling, and He only calls biblically qualified men through the qualifications He has enumerated in His Word. He has already told us this in Scripture, and Scripture is our authority, not some subjective, extra-biblical feeling that God is “calling” you. And again, this is your ungodly, unbiblical, worldly argument based solely on your fleshly human desires. It is not a biblical argument.

If you research on missionaries of the past

“MIssionaries of the past” (or present or future) are not our authority, or any sort of basis for making decisions or formulating doctrine. Scripture is. Directing someone to look to “missionaries of the past” is to say, “Hey, you need to look to broken, sinful human beings to figure out how to do Christianity instead of looking to Christ and His Word.”.

hundreds of people have been saved by women

Nope. Not one single, solitary person has ever been saved by a woman. Or a man. And if you think anyone ever has, you do not know the gospel. God alone is the only One who has ever saved anyone.

And honestly, using this phraseology really decreases your credibility to address this or any other biblical topic. This is not how mature Christians who know their Bibles and are equipped to engage on these topics frame things.

But if what you actually mean by “saved by women” is that people have gotten saved (by Christ) because a woman shared the gospel with them, of course that’s true, and I daresay that it’s been way more than “hundreds” of people over the last 2000 years.

But, so what? That has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

If you’re talking about women sharing the gospel with the lost, that’s called evangelism.

You’re conflating evangelism with pastoring and preaching. Evangelism is sharing the gospel with lost people outside the church, which all Christians are commanded to do. Pastoring and preaching is biblical instruction to saved people inside the church, which God has restricted to biblically qualified men. Evangelism and pastoring/preaching are two completely different, separate things. We have to keep our biblical categories straight.

Evangelism is a completely separate topic from what we’re talking about here, which is women “pastoring,” preaching, teaching men the Bible, and exercising authority over men in the gathering of the Body. Let’s stay on topic.

(For more information on the false conflation of evangelism and pastoring/preaching: Women Preaching the Gospel? at A Word Fitly Spoken)

Are you claiming none of those women should have followed the great commission commanded to ALL believers in Matthew 28

Not at all. All Believers are to carry out the Great Commission. Christian women have been obeying that command -without pretending to be “pastors” or preaching- for the past 2000 years. You don’t have to be a pastor or preach to share the gospel.

One of the primary ways women have historically fulfilled the Great Commission is by pouring the gospel into their children and grandchildren. (Lois and Eunice are a wonderful biblical example to us of this.) This is also why I said earlier that far more than “hundreds” have come to Christ because a woman -their mother- shared the gospel with them. It’s certainly not the only way women can share the gospel, but I feel confident that it’s the primary way.

In fact, women can share the gospel in any way except being a pastor or preaching (or violating any other Scriptures). They can even be missionaries and share the gospel with the lost – men and women – one on one or in any other way that doesn’t violate 1 Timothy 2:11-3:7, Titus 1:5-9, or any other Scripture. I have personal friends who are women who have done just that. I, myself, went on a short term mission trip many years ago and did just that.

Again, you need to learn the difference between evangelism and pastoring/preaching and stop conflating the two.

and that all those lives they pointed to Christ weren’t worth it?

Are you saying it’s only “worth it” or only fulfills the Great Commission if a woman is a “pastor” or preaches to men? Is it not “worth it” if a woman pours the gospel into her children? Shares the gospel with a girlfriend over coffee? Hands a tract to the man ahead of her in the check out line?

And again, the Christian’s measuring stick is rightly handled, in context Scripture, not a sinful human being’s subjective evaluation of whether or not something is “worth it”. You are not qualified to make a Christian argument on this or any other biblical topic until you learn and submit to the doctrine of the authority of Scripture. Right now, you’re trying to remove what you think is a speck in my eye, while the log of biblical illiteracy is protruding far out of your own.

Paul even asks in Romans 10:14-15, how people are to be saved if no one goes to share the Gospel with them.

How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher? And how will they preach unless they are sent? Just as it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who proclaim good news of good things!”
Romans 10:14-15

He says, “How will they hear without a preacher, and how will they preach unless they are sent?”.

You do know that God is the author of Scripture, right? And that God doesn’t contradict Himself, so His written Word doesn’t contradict itself, because God is not a liar?

God cannot (not just “does not,” but “cannot,” because He cannot lie) say something in Romans that contradicts what He says in 1 Timothy. (And not only that, Paul is the human writer of both Romans and 1 Timothy, and he’s not contradicting himself in these passages either.)

In 1 Timothy, God forbids women from pastoring, preaching, teaching the Bible to men, and holding authority over men in the gathering of the Body. So we don’t even have to read the Romans passage to know – beyond any doubt – that the Romans passage does not allow women to do those things.

Any time the Bible talks about preachers and preaching, it is talking about men. God doesn’t call or send women to preach. Women can share the gospel without preaching or being pastors.

Arguments like these are the reason we have prideful men in the Church who take roles they’re not called for

No, ignorance of and rebellion against Scripture -which you’ve amply demonstrated in your comment- are why we have those things.

Pride is a sin for both men and women. Anyone who commits the sin of pride needs to repent.

Men “who take roles they’re not called for”. I can only assume that by this you mean “men serving as pastors who shouldn’t be pastors”. Your (or anyone else’s) worldly, fleshly feelings and opinions are not the standard by which a man is determined to be fit for (“called” to) the pastorate (that’s unbiblical judgment, and a violation of Matthew 7:1), Scripture is, primarily 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9.

and we have obedient women trying to ignore the calling God gave them in fear of judgement from their own community.

I’m sorry, but do you actually hear yourself saying this?

Women who defy God’s commands in His written Word are not obedient And they should be fearful of God’s judgment.

Christians who who rightly judge things according to properly handled Scripture are obeying Scripture. Professing Christians who argue for the defiance of Scripture and then denigrate Christians who are obeying Scripture are the ones who are unbiblically judging in violation of Matthew 7:1.

I am not a feminist in any sense,

Yes, you are. You may not realize it, but the unbiblical position you’ve taken on this issue wouldn’t exist if it werent for feminism. So, at the very least, you are feminist in that sense. You’re holding a feminist position while claiming not to be a feminist, just like you’re claiming to be a Christian while standing in defiance of Christ and His Word.

but when it comes to silencing ANY believer from sharing the love and truth of Christ (man or woman) I cannot sit back

I’m a woman and I’m sharing the love and truth of Christ, and you’re trying to silence me. More Matthew 7:1-5 hypocrisy. How about not “sitting back” against yourself?

If you think that women not being allowed to pastor and preach is “silencing women,” then you’re accusing God of silencing women. He is the One who issued the command, not me or any other Christian. All we’re doing is repeating what His Word has said for the last 2000 years. Your argument is with Him, not us.

and watch the Church divide itself on things that have nothing to do with salvation.

So you’d say it’s OK for homosexuals and “trans” people and rapists and child abusers to be pastors, right? To your way of thinking, those things “have nothing to do with salvation” either.

I promise, I am saying this as gently and kindly as I possibly can, but you need to hear this, and I would not be loving you biblically if I didn’t say it:

You do not know your Bible. You don’t know what you’re talking about. And as someone who doesn’t know her Bible you are not qualified to weigh in on this issue or assume the lofty position of, “I have to proclaim this ‘truth’ for the good of the church at large.”. Talk about “pridefully taking a role you’re not called for”!

You want to discuss sin?

We are discussing sin. Women defying Scripture by pretending to be pastors, preaching, teaching the Bible to men, and exercising authority over men in the gathering of the Body is sin.

I’m standing on God’s Word and arguing against that sin, You’re standing against God’s Word and arguing for that sin.

What about the leaders that are liars, jealous, prideful, lustful, and gossipers? What about the pastors that preach love and compassion and go home to abuse their family? Because I’ve seen men and women do that in those roles.

What about it? This is a deflection and a red herring, not a biblical argument.

This “argument” is like saying, “You want to discuss the sin of rape? What about bank robbers? What about murderers? What about kidnaping? What about lying?”. The Bible never teaches us we should ignore one sin simply because a thousand other sins exist.

All of the sins you’ve listed should be dealt with biblically and so should the sin of women defying God’s command against women “pastoring” and preaching. It’s not like we’re limited in the number of sins we can biblically address.

It’s not a discussion of whether it be man or woman.

Correct. God said it’s to be a biblically qualified man. End of discussion.

It should be a decision based a spirit-led calling.

Correct. The Holy Spirit calls only biblically qualified men, only through His breathed out written Word.

More so, what is the significant (sic) of a claim like this? To bring down Christ followers from living how Jesus called us to?

No, to bring Christ followers up to living as Jesus called us to. You’re the one pushing Christ followers away from living as Jesus called us to because you’re encouraging them to defy God’s Word.

Because that’s all you’re doing when you rather have a community have no one leading them to Jesus

I nowhere suggested in that article that the “community” that woman is pretending to “pastor” should have no one leading them to Jesus. I even explained how she and the other women could lead people to Jesus without disobeying Scripture.

over someone who isn’t afraid to obey just because they’re a woman.

One more time: A woman who defies Scripture by pretending to be a “pastor” IS NOT OBEYING GOD. She is sinning.

I’ve got one more thing to add, and if you’ve made it this far, I really hope you’ll stick with me and seriously consider this. People who are genuinely born again Believers – new creatures in Christ – are indwelt by the Holy Spirit and understand, embrace, submit to, love, and obey God’s written Word. But one of the fruits of false converts – people who think they’re saved, but have never truly repented and believed the gospel – is that they reject, hate, fight against, disobey, and do not understand God’s written Word.

Because you have amply demonstrated that you do not know God’s Word and because every comment you’ve made above has been a defiance of God’s Word, I fear for your eternity. I would urge and encourage you to do what 2 Corinthians 13:5 says, and examine yourself against Scripture to discover whether or not you are truly a Believer.

Repent, believe the gospel, and be set free of these unbiblical beliefs today.

Additional Resources:

Rock Your Role: Jill in the Pulpit

Counter Arguments to Egalitarianism

Mailbag

The Mailbag: I Have to Preach Because No Man Will Step Up

June 16, 2026June 15, 2026 Michelle Lesley

Originally published February 19, 2018

I’ve recently met a woman who is a “pastor” of a church. When asked why she is preaching to men, her response was this:

“Men will not teach. None will stand up. We started as a congregation of women and slowly some husbands came, as well as their sons. But none will take responsibility. So if I do not speak truth and stand up, who will?”

This was in another country I recently visited where men do not take authority, nor do they desire it. Women are primary in every area.

This is a difficult situation to be in, and I do sympathize. I’ve been in church and family situations in which men were not being the godly leaders they were supposed to be. It’s very frustrating. Even more so in the case of your friend, because Scripture prohibits women from stepping in and taking over when a man will not lead the church.

(And all of this, and the following, goes for women in any church who have “stepped in” to a pastoral role or a role Scripture reserves for men such as, but not limited to: worship leader/minister of music, any other pastoral or elder position – with or without the title of “pastor/elder,” teaching co-ed adult Sunday School, Bible study, or small groups, etc.)

But in addition to the fact that the Bible is very clear that your friend is not to preach to men, she’s doing a terrible job as “pastor” on several other counts:

✢ She doesn’t believe God’s Word.

✢ She doesn’t trust God enough to obey His Word.

✢ She doesn’t fear God enough to obey His Word.

✢ She doesn’t believe in the necessity of prayer, or in God’s provision, enough to ask Him to provide a pastor.

✢ She’s not teaching her “congregation” to cry out to the Lord and trust Him to provide. Instead, she’s teaching them to take matters into their own hands when they need something, even if it means disobeying God’s Word. (Kind of like Sarah did.)

✢ She’s teaching her “congregation” that they it’s OK to disobey God if it’s difficult or inconvenient to obey Him.

✢ She’s teaching the women that they don’t have to submit to God’s design for biblical womanhood.

✢ She’s teaching the men to continue to be lazy and shirk their God-given duty to lead. Why should they when a woman is all too willing to step in and do the work for them?

She asks, “If I do not speak truth and stand up, who will?”. My answer to that question is, “That’s God’s business to take care of, not yours.” Her business is to obey Him and trust Him to work out everything else. And besides, she’s not “standing up and speaking truth”, she’s standing up and speaking or demonstrating all the untruths I enumerated above.

My counsel to this woman would be to immediately step down as “pastor,” stop preaching to and instructing the men, and publicly repent to God and to everyone in the church for her sins of disobeying God’s Word and setting a bad example for the church. She should inform them that she will no longer be preaching but that she will be praying for God to raise up a pastor, either from among the men of the church or from outside the church.

The men and women can, and should, meet to pray and sing together every Sunday. One of the other women (the former “pastor” needs to sit out of leadership for a while) can certainly teach a women’s Bible study class. But if the men want a Bible teacher or pastor, one of them is going to have to step up and do it, or God will have to send a man from somewhere else. And the women need to be sure they’re holding their ground and refusing to step into that role. What a godly testimony of obedience they will be to the men! Hopefully, it will shame the men over their own disobedience.

God doesn’t give anyone permission to disobey Him just because it’s hard or inconvenient. It was the hardest thing in the world for Jesus to go to the cross, but He did it anyway because He was obedient to His Father. He was willing to die rather than disobey. That is the example she needs to follow.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
Hebrews 12:4

In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:6

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.
Psalm 37:5

When we face tests of our faith, it is not time to take the easy way out and sin, it is God stretching us and giving us an opportunity to trust and obey Him so He can use that situation as a vehicle for growing us to greater maturity and Christlikeness.

This lady, and the rest of the church, has the opportunity here to cry out fervently to God to provide them with a pastor and then trust Him to act on their behalf. That’s exactly what Lydia and the other women at Philippi did, and God sent them Paul!

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:7-11

Which would bring more glory to God and be more of a testimony to His greatness: for this lady to have taken matters into her own hands and sinned, or for her and the rest of the women to obey God, for everyone to pray and trust God for a pastor, and then to have the awesome experience of God answering that prayer?

There’s nothing amazing, especially in that culture, about men being lazy and women stepping in and picking up the slack. Why have a Christian church that is supposed to be following the all powerful God of the universe be just one more example of that? Instead, they could have an incredible testimony of God providing a pastor and changing the hearts of the men of the church to take responsibility and lead. What kind of an impact would that have on the surrounding culture? How many doors might that open for that church to share the gospel?