Mailbag – Page 19 – Michelle Lesley

I recently re-ran my article Five Words of Encouragement for Spiritual Warfare’s Battle-Weary Soldiers, which says of spiritual warfare:

“…when you unapologetically stand for Christ and the truth of His Word, you will not only face a full frontal attack from the world, you’ll also risk being stabbed in the back by those you thought were comrades in arms.

Dealing with and responding to those attacks – that’s what spiritual warfare is. Not this modern, ridiculous, NAR-inspired version of “binding” Satan and bellowing commands into the air as though you have the power and the authority to boss the devil around (Even Michael the archangel wouldn’t go there.). We’re called to be good soldiers of Christ Jesus, not the Commander.

As good soldiers in the Lord’s army (yes sir!) real, biblical spiritual warfare is being protected and prepared in the spirit to righteously and courageously walk out biblical truth on the battlefield of whatever tangible circumstances God has placed you in.”

After reading this, one of my Facebook followers had a question about spiritual warfare that I thought others might be wondering about, too. Here are her question and my (edited for The Mailbag) answer to her:

Can we, in Jesus’ name, order the devil out of our house?

Is it OK to rebuke Satan, order him out of your house, or even talk to him at all? No.
Tweet

Is it OK to rebuke Satan, order him out of your house, or even talk to him at all? No. That is an unbiblical belief and practice of the heretical New Apostolic Reformation (NAR) movement. No passage of Scripture teaches us to do that, and it is not spiritual warfare as taught by the Bible. Rather, Scripture tells us:

Yet in like manner these people also, relying on their dreams, defile the flesh, reject authority, and blaspheme the glorious ones. But when the archangel Michael, contending with the devil, was disputing about the body of Moses, he did not presume to pronounce a blasphemous judgment, but said, “The Lord rebuke you.” But these people blaspheme all that they do not understand, and they are destroyed by all that they, like unreasoning animals, understand instinctively.
Jude 8-10

And the Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, O Satan! The Lord who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is not this a brand plucked from the fire?”
Zechariah 3:2

For context, it would probably be helpful to give the entire book of Jude a good study, but, simply put, “these people” verses 8 and 10 of Jude mention are basically the same sort of people you’ll find practicing NAR beliefs today. “Relying on their dreams,” rejecting the authority of Scripture, and blaspheming God every time they attribute false doctrine and fake “signs and wonders” to Him. People, who, in their spiritual arrogance, think they have the authority to bind and rebuke Satan, drive him out, etc., along with all the other typical NAR beliefs that go hand in hand with that – supposedly speaking things into existence, performing “miracles,” making “trips to Heaven,” and so on. That’s who verses 8 and 10 are talking about. Verse 9 provides a contrast to them, saying that even Michael, the mightiest archangel who stands in the very presence of God, would not dare to do such things. He left the rebuking of Satan to the Lord. The point of the passage is that, if Michael wouldn’t even rebuke Satan, then we definitely shouldn’t. That’s God’s place, not ours.

If the archangel Michael wouldn’t even rebuke Satan, then we definitely shouldn’t. That’s God’s place, not ours.
Tweet

The simplest and best way to approach this issue is to keep all your focus on Christ and let Him deal with whatever you think might be the devil or demons.

If you find yourself in a difficult situation, or feeling tempted to sin, or feeling scared or whatever the case may be, God’s way is not for you to turn your mind to wondering if it’s a Satanic (or demonic) attack or what you should say to him to rebuke him. God’s way is for you to turn your mind completely in the other direction – to Christ. We know this because this is what the entirety of Scripture teaches. Pray and ask God to help you resist temptation, or not to feel scared, or to help you through the difficult situation. Praise Him. “Count your blessings” by thanking Him for all the ways He has blessed you. Worship Him and sing to Him. Memorize Scriptures that comfort and help you, and recite them. That’s what Scripture teaches us, and that’s God’s prescription for any situation you face. The rest of that stuff is just the false, unbiblical teaching of man.

If you’re in a church where Christians are “rebuking Satan” or constantly talking about it, and they’re not being corrected by the pastor and elders, the church you’re in is probably not doctrinally sound. I have never visited or been a member of a doctrinally sound church where this was an issue (unless someone asked about it to correct a friend who believed it or something like that), but I’ve visited plenty of wayward churches where it was an accepted or encouraged practice.

Not sure where your church stands? I would encourage you to go to my Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. Begin studying the “What to look for in a church” section, and see if your church matches up. If it does, great! I would suggest making an appointment with your pastor to get some guidance on this issue of rebuking Satan. If it doesn’t, you may need to scroll up on that page to the church search engines and begin looking for a new, doctrinally sound church to join.

Additional Resources:

Do Christians have the authority to rebuke the devil? at Got Questions

The Apostates’ Blasphemy at Grace to You

What Does Paul Say about Spiritual Warfare? at Tabletalk

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Keeping a diary… Training women to teach in co-ed classes… Celebrate, much?)

July 25, 2023February 26, 2026 Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

Is it a good idea to keep a diary in order to vent one’s frustrations and keep thoughts and feelings under lock and key? How might a Christian do it in a Christlike way that is healthy and beneficial?

I really like your second question. As Christians, that’s a question we should all be asking about everything we undertake. Atta girl!

But first we need to back up one step and ask ourselves, “Is this thing I want to do biblical?”. Because you can’t do an unbiblical thing in a Christlike way.

So, is “venting one’s frustrations” biblical? Well, again, as Christians, it’s really important that when we ask a question, we frame it in biblical terms and teachings rather than in contemporary culture’s terms and teachings, so let’s look at how Scripture describes the idea you’re talking about and reframe the issue accordingly.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.
Psalm 62:8

A Prayer of one afflicted, when he is faint and pours out his complaint before the Lord.
Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry come to you!
Psalm 102:1

With my voice I cry out to the Lord;
with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord.
I pour out my complaint before him;
I tell my trouble before him.
Psalm 142:1-2

Did you notice those passages are all from Psalms? What else did you notice those passages have in common? Is the psalmist just venting his frustrations out into the ether, or writing them down for his own sake? No, he’s pouring out his heart to Someone. Someone he believes can help him and do something about the situation. These are prayers. This is the biblical model for offloading what’s bothering you: “take it to the Lord in prayer,” “I must tell Jesus,” and “take your burden to the Lord and leave it there“. Prayer.

When you pray, “cry out to the Lord”, or “pour out your heart/complaint to the Lord,” you’re declaring that you believe:

He exists
He can help you
He is listening to you
He understands the situation, what you think about it, and how you feel about it
He is powerful enough to remedy the situation

I would encourage you to study the Psalms (you may want to start with the three above and any they cross-reference with) and carefully observe the way the psalmist poured out his complaint to the Lord. Take notes on the posture of his heart toward both his complaints and toward God. What is usually the psalmist’s perspective as he concludes the psalm? How do you see him express faith, trust, and hope in God’s goodness, power, and faithfulness? As you study, you might even want to pray these psalms back to God.

Like the psalmist, you’ll want to pour your heart out to God in prayer obediently. That means praying biblically about whatever your complaint or problem is. Your atheist co-worker is making your job difficult? The Bible says to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Your husband isn’t saved? Pray for his salvation and ask God to help you submit to him. You’re in need of provision? Trust that the Lord already knows what you need and ask Him to provide for you today.

So by this point, you might be thinking, “Yeah, but I asked about writing all this stuff down in a diary. The psalmist obviously wrote down all of his thoughts, so that must be OK, right?”. Well, that’s something else we can learn from the Psalms. How do you know he wrote all these things down? Because you’re reading them. And so have billions of other people for several thousand years. Now, obviously, that’s not going to be the case with your diary, but perhaps you’ve heard the old adage that you should never put in writing anything you wouldn’t want on the front page of the newspaper? That’s good advice. A flimsy little diary lock isn’t going to keep anybody out who wants to get in there, and they are also notorious for malfunctioning. And what about after you die? Your husband and/or children are going to go through your things, and they’re going to read your diary. You certainly don’t want them or anyone else reading things that should remain between you and the Lord. It is for that reason that I would advise against writing down anything you wouldn’t want anyone else to read. Stick to reverently pouring out your complaints to the Lord.

Our church has struggled with having older women leaders and teachers to faithfully train up and disciple younger women. Our elders have decided that they want to train older women to be sound in Scripture so they can teach other women and not rely on DVD’S. However, part of this teaching development is to allow them to teach in our public co-ed adult Bible life classes on Sunday mornings so they can receive feedback from the male leaders and/or elders present in the room on their teaching. Once these women are trained, the plan is to continue to allow them to teach in mixed-gender classes occasionally or when a substitute teacher is needed so they may exercise their gift of teaching. I am convicted that this is violating 1 Timothy 2:12. Is this a biblical method for women to exercise their gift of teaching and to be trained for a woman teacher?

No, it absolutely is not. This is taking a good, biblical goal and sinning in order to accomplish it. It’s like a teenager saying, “I want to be faithful to my spouse when I get married, so the way I’m going to accomplish that is to go out and sleep with everybody I can right now and get it all out of my system.”. It’s almost beyond belief that your pastor and elders are considering such a ridiculous plan of action and that they think it’s biblical! They say they want to teach older women to be “sound in Scripture” while simultaneously violating Scripture.

It doesn’t even make logical sense when the stated reason they want to train these women is to teach women. Why have them teach a co-ed class for training? Why not have them teach a women’s class?

No. I’m sorry, but this is either just really, really dumb, or your pastor and elders are trying to sneak egalitarianism in the back door. I hate for either one of those to be the case, but I can’t think of an alterative. Whatever the case may be, having these women teach a co-ed class is, in and of itself, a violation of Scripture.

If a church wanted to implement a training program like this, there are plenty of ways it could be done without violating Scripture. The elders could evaluate the trainee as she teaches a women’s class. They could have her prepare a lesson and present it only to the elders so they could critique and instruct her. They could even send the women they want trained to a G3 Expository Teaching Workshop for Women.

I would suggest praying fervently for your pastor and elders to come to their senses, express your concern to them, and hope that they correct their course, but if they continue down this road over the long haul, it’s likely you’ll need to start looking for a new church. Because unrepentant sin snowballs. Today it’s “just” a teaching practicum in a co-ed class. Next, women will become permanent teachers of co-ed classes. And from there, can women preaching, and serving as pastors and elders be far behind?

Related Resources

McBible Study and the Famine of God’s Word

Rock Your Role: Jill in the Pulpit (1 Timothy 2:11-12)

Fencing off the Forbidden Fruit Tree

Rock Your Role FAQs

It seems like in conservative churches these days that the most important people are the pregnant moms and women of child bearing age. They are routinely prayed for: to conceive, for the pregnancy, for the delivery, and then afterwards. They get showers and meals brought. Meanwhile there are a whole host of people with needs who are overlooked, milestones that go unrecognized, etc. In addition. The Scriptures say that those worthy of double honor are our leaders! Now I’m certainly not against women having babies, they are a blessing from the Lord. I’m not against rejoicing with those who rejoice, but it just seems overdone to me. At any given time there may be 2 or 3 pregnant and just as many with newborns. I seems to me that back in the day women just had babies with not alot of fanfare. In the meantime are we as dedicated in seeking to bring others to spiritual life? Just wondering what your take is. Are we out of balance?

I understand where you’re coming from, and I think there are several different ways this scenario could be “out of balance”.

First, I want to caution all of us (myself included- this is something I have to be careful about as well) not to assume that just because things are a certain way – either good or bad – in our own church that means they’re the same way in the majority of other churches. I think if you presented this scenario to a room full of women of all ages from different “conservative churches” all over the country, some would agree with you, but the majority would say, “It isn’t that way at my church,” whether they mean their church has a good balance of celebrations or their church foundationally lacks fellowship and doesn’t celebrate anything. I’m assuming you’re seeing this as an issue in your own church (or you wouldn’t have emailed me), so let’s keep our focus there and not on what may or may not be happening at other churches.

One thing we need to be sure to do is keep our categories straight and distinct. A plethora of weddings, showers, and meal trains for new moms has nothing to do with 1 Timothy 5:17‘s admonition to double honor elders who rule well unless something extreme is going on, like the church is spending so much money on these celebrations that they can’t afford to pay his salary, or church members are somehow failing to submit to his leadership with these celebrations, or something like that. So, I’m guessing we can go ahead and put that concern for your church to rest.

Do I think young people’s celebration of things is a bit over the top these days? Yeah, I do. But that’s just the way things are in our culture right now. I know young moms who make St. Patrick’s Day and Arbor Day practically as big a to-do for their kids as I made Christmas for mine. I see elementary schools having big parties with costumes and whatnot to celebrate the “100th day of school”. I never heard of such until about 5-10 years ago. I see these elaborate “gender reveal” parties and announcements taking place, when in my day, we used to just tell people the sex of the baby whenever we found out. (And not too long before that, “gender reveal” and birth were simultaneous!) None of those things are wrong, they’re just different from the way we used to do things. That happens in every generation. It’s normal.

If you think there are people and milestones being overlooked in your church, here’s what I’d suggest:

Get to know, and develop close Titus 2:3-5 relationships with those younger women. Celebrate their milestones with them. In many churches (and having been a member of and worked with lots of different churches over the years, I feel comfortable saying “many”) the younger women desperately need and desire older women to be involved in their lives, and the older women make plenty of excuses, but little to no effort to extend themselves in this way. This is a shameful dereliction of our duty as older women and outright disobedience to Scripture. Those young women need us, and the Bible commands us to be there for them.

If you think older women or others are having their needs or milestones overlooked, set up an appointment with your pastor, not to complain, but to lovingly express your concern and ask his advice about how to approach the situation.

If your pastor is OK with it, why don’t you gather up a few of those younger women you’ve gotten to know, as well as a few of the older women, and start jumping in and celebrating those milestones and providing for needs in areas that are lacking: meals and visits for shut-ins or those who have recently had surgery, retirement parties, or how about a baby shower for new grandmas? That could be fun!

When God shows us something in the church that’s lacking, it might be that He wants us to roll up our sleeves and get to work on it. You might have just found an incredible way to serve the church you love! What a blessing!

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Communion Questions

June 20, 2023February 25, 2026 Michelle Lesley

Is it biblical for women to administer communion to other women in a local church or a parachurch ladies gathering? It it biblical for a couple to administer communion at a social gathering in their home?

Communion.. the Lord’s Supper… the Lord’s Table… the breaking of bread and drinking of wine (or grape juice) as a memorial to our Lord’s suffering and death is an extremely solemn and serious ordinance of the church.

I mean, in the Corinthian church, people were getting sick and dying because they weren’t handling the Lord’s Supper in a godly way.

Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty concerning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died.
1 Corinthians 11:27-30

Take a moment and meditate on what that means. How seriously does God take the Lord’s Supper?

The Lord’s Supper is an ordinance of the gathered church, just like baptism is. You wouldn’t (I hope) baptize people at your Tupperware party or even your weekly women’s Bible study, and you shouldn’t be observing the Lord’s Supper in those sorts of venues either.

Look at the language in 1 Corinthians 11:17-34 and how it differentiates between eating outside the church gathering (at home) and partaking of the Lord’s Supper inside the worship gathering of the church. The language assumes that the Lord’s Supper takes place in the church gathering: “When you come together…” (17, 20), “When you come together as a church…” (18), “Do you not have houses to eat and drink in? Or do you despise the church of God…” (22), “when you come together to eat” (33), “if anyone is hungry, let him eat at home—so that when you come together…” (34).

When you unbiblically remove the Lord’s Supper from the worship gathering of the church body, you immediately cheapen it. It becomes lesser. Just some little thing we do so we can feel like we’re being holy, or because we crave ritual. It’s reduced to the level of hors d’oeuvres or a party game. The purpose of the Lord’s Supper is for the gathered church to proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes (26).

And because it is an ordinance of the church, those who shepherd the church – pastors and elders – are responsible for administering it in a biblical way. That responsibility has not been given to any Tom, Dick, and Harry (or Dawn, Pat, and Mary, if you will) who decides he or she wants to offer it at a private shindig. It is a pastoral responsibility, which includes fencing the table.

So the answer to all of your questions is no. The Lord’s Supper should not be observed at parachurch meetings or social gatherings at all. (Or weddings. You didn’t ask about that, but I’m going to throw that in there, too, for the same reasons.) And the only reason I can think of that a church would have women administering the Lord’s Supper during a worship service instead of the pastor, elders, and/or deacons is either to appear egalitarian or because they are egalitarian, so that’s a “no” too.

What about situations like COVID, when the church can’t gather? Is “online communion” (taking the Lord’s Supper at home with whatever elements I have on hand while watching the pastor “administer” it online) OK?

No. First of all, as we learned from COVID, while there may be very temporary emergencies, the church can gather if it is being obedient to the Lord. Sometimes obedience is costly, but it can be done. Just ask our Savior, whose obedience cost Him torture and death.

Second, there’s no requirement for how often the church must observe the Lord’s Supper. Jesus said “as often as you do this,” not “every week” or “twice a month”. Once the temporary emergency is over the church can come back together and observe the Lord’s Supper as a body, in person, as indicated by Scripture.

“What about homebound, hospitalized, or dying people who are Providentially hindered from gathering with the church? Can a pastor administer the Lord’s Supper to those people outside the church gathering?”

I would leave that to a pastor’s discretion, but, if I were a pastor, I would be very reluctant to do so. Personally, I would urge those people, as well as anyone else who wants to observe the Lord’s Supper outside of the gathering of the church body to consider why they want to do that. I mean, dig deep and do some serious introspection about your reasons and what you actually believe about the Lord’s Supper.

I suspect some Christians, without even realizing it, may hold some Roman Catholic-adjacent or superstitious beliefs about the Lord’s Supper.

It’s not the thing you do right before you die (or any time) to make you right with God, forgive your sins, or secure your place in Heaven. That’s what Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection were for. And if you’re placing your faith for any of those things in partaking of the Lord’s Supper instead of, or in addition to Christ’s finished work on the cross, that’s idolatry.

It’s not something you do to assuage misplaced guilt about not being physically able to attend church (or, for that matter, to assuage appropriate guilt about forsaking the assembly when you actually could be there). If you are legitimately Providentially hindered from faithful church attendance, God knows that. He’s the One who allowed or placed you in that situation in the first place. You don’t need to “make it up to Him” or try to get “back” into His good graces by performing for Him by partaking of the Lord’s Supper. Rest. Rest in His grace, mercy, and divine Providence. You can partake when you’re able to go back to church, or when the whole church is one day gathered for the marriage supper of the Lamb.

It’s not something you do to somehow conjure up or invoke God’s presence into your midst. That’s a variant of necromancy or witchcraft. God is omnipresent. There’s not a millimeter of the universe in which He is not present. He’s at your social gathering. He’s at your parachurch meeting. What you want to do at those events is to pray, not observe the Lord’s Supper. In prayer, you recognize God’s presence, submit yourselves and your gathering to Him, and ask Him to guide your meeting. And, no, observing the Lord’s Supper isn’t “leveling up” on “just prayer”. Prayer and the Lord’s Supper are two different worship practices with two different purposes.

And, finally, the Lord’s Supper isn’t something you do to secure God’s blessing on whatever activity or venue you’re observing it in. It’s not a talisman. It’s not like rubbing a rabbit’s foot for luck or a baseball player going through his superstitious pre-game rituals so he’ll play well and win the game. Participating in the Lord’s Supper with your church family is a blessing – it’s the blessing of unity in Christ and the fellowship of proclaiming His death together until He comes, but you don’t do it to get God’s blessing on your marriage, your dinner party, or your pro-life meeting.

What would you say to a church not using unleavened bread for communion? The last time we took communion the bread was Italian bread, obviously had yeast in it. I don’t want to take the Lords supper with bread with yeast in it because yeast represents sin and Jesus has no sin in Him, and if we are to remember what He did, how can we use just regular bread. I did ask the pastor, he thought I had a good point, but I haven’t heard from him yet.

It’s great that you asked your pastor about this. That’s exactly what I would have advised you to do. I would encourage you to submit to his leadership on this issue.

Leavened bread is not a reason to abstain from the Lord’s Supper any more than grape juice instead of wine (or vice versa) is a reason to abstain. My personal opinion (not biblical mandate) is that unleavened bread and wine should be used because they are more historically accurate and truer to the details of Scripture than leavened bread and/or grape juice. That being said, I’ve never been a member of a church that didn’t use grape juice, and I have participated in observances of the Lord’s Supper that used leavened bread, and it didn’t bother me in the least.

We need to remember that the reason unleavened bread was used was not because leaven represented sin, although we do see that symbolism later, but because the Lord’s Supper began as the Last Supper, which was an observance of Passover. Unleavened bread was used for Passover because it memorialized the Israelites’ flight from Egypt. They did not have time for the dough to rise before the exodus. That’s where the unleavened bread for Passover, the Last Supper, and the Lord’s Supper came from. It had nothing to do with Jesus’ sinlessness because Jesus had not yet come at the time of the exodus.

We can also remember that Jesus used leavened bread when He fed the 5000, and in that very context of leavened bread, He Himself said, “I am the bread of life.” If leaven always represents sin, why would Jesus, who was sinless God, have referred to Himself in the context of everyday leavened bread?

If leavened bread is the only reason you’re abstaining from the Lord’s Supper, I would encourage you to stop abstaining and partake joyfully with your church family, proclaiming the Lord’s death until He comes.

We recently moved and have been attending a Southern Baptist church. They have not had communion for over two months. Isn’t it the norm to have communion at least once a month? …since we are new to this church we are still waiting and learning our place. We hesitate to make ourselves known as possibly unsubmissive or question why they do things the way they do. (From The Mailbag: Potpourri (…SBC Communion…))

These are such great questions because they help me, as a Southern Baptist, think about the way we do things and how those practices might be perceived by visitors or new members.

Every Southern Baptist church is autonomous, so each church has its own policy or practice about how often the Lord’s Supper is observed. There are some SBC churches who hold the Lord’s Supper every week and probably others who hold it only once or twice a year, although I don’t personally know of any who hold it that infrequently.

In my experience, most Southern Baptist churches observe the Lord’s Supper several times a year, usually on a schedule like the first Sunday of the month, once a quarter, or every “fifth Sunday” (in months that have five Sundays). In addition to these scheduled observances, many churches also observe the Lord’s Supper at their Christmas Eve, Good Friday, or Easter service.

I would encourage you and your husband to set up an appointment with the pastor and ask away! It is certainly not unsubmissive to sit in his office and politely say, “We’re new here and we were just wondering about…” Most pastors I know would love for potential members to do this.

We run into trouble when we start trying to “improve” on God’s Word and His ways. The Lord’s Supper is an ordinance of the church, to be observed in the gathering of the church body, and to be rightly administered by the pastor, elders, and/or deacons. Let’s leave it at that – nothing more, nothing less – right where Scripture leaves it.

Additional Resources:

The Last Supper ~ The Lord’s Supper

Mailbag, Parenting

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Rescinding a recommendation… Women at the Last Supper… Consistent discipline)

May 30, 2023May 29, 2023 Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

Our women’s ministry team recently asked all of us Bible study teachers to promote the study they have chosen, and I personally recommended it to the women in my class. I told them “I don’t know anything about the author and haven’t read the study, but I trust the women’s ministry team and recommend you participate.” That afternoon I began researching her and discovered she was a woman pastor. I immediately contacted the women’s coordinator and shared my concerns.

I feel TERRIBLE that I have recommended a woman whose life choices make her a stumbling block to the gals I dearly love and have taught for years. My first instinct is to send my students only an email rescinding my recommendation and warning them that the author routinely preaches in her local church. I am torn between protecting them from a very beguiling threat and the implications a warning has for exposing the women’s ministry team. LESSON LEARNED for future recommendations, but for now, what is my Biblical obligation/priority?

That’s a difficult spot to be in. I’ve been there myself, having passed along a recommendation from someone I thought was discerning and trustworthy, only to find out later that she was not.

Here’s what I would suggest:

If you haven’t already, get alone with the Lord in prayer and repent of your carelessness. There is grace, mercy, and forgiveness awaiting you.
Write out a carefully, kindly, and wisely worded email to your class apologizing for your carelessness and explaining why you need to rescind your recommendation. Support everything you say with Scripture. (If you think it would be helpful, you may wish to include a link to this article of mine.) Don’t hit “send” yet.
Talk to your pastor before you do anything else. Explain the situation, plead with him to cancel the study, tell him (don’t ask him) your conscience demands that you send an email to your class rescinding your recommendation of the study, and offer to show it to him if he’d like to see it.
I pray your pastor will cancel the study. I really do. That will take the pressure off of you. You will still need to apologize to your class and explain why you agree with the pastor’s decision to cancel the study. Unfortunately, in situations like this, the pastor almost always backs up the study and the women’s director, not the discerning Christian who comes to him with concerns.
If your pastor affirms the study and the women’s ministry leader, express your disappointment calmly and politely, and reiterate that you must still send the email. Go to the women’s ministry leader, and as a gesture of courtesy, explain that you’ll be sending an email to your class rescinding your recommendation. Then, send the email.
Immediately begin looking for a new, doctrinally sound church. Women who are “pastors” and/or preach to men are false teachers. They preach with their behavior, “I don’t like this command of Scripture, so I’m not going to obey it. If there’s a command of Scripture you don’t like, you don’t have to obey it either.”. If your pastor is so doctrinally ignorant or unsound that he affirms this sin and false teaching, you don’t need to be sitting under his teaching and leadership.

What are the Scripture verses that back up the teachings that women were at the last supper? I know that this is something I’ve heard before, yet now my grandson is asking me about it because that’s what he learned in school.

There aren’t any. In fact, I’ve never heard anyone claim that any person – man or woman – other than Jesus and the twelve disciples were in attendance at the Last Supper.

The Matthew account says Jesus “reclined at table with the twelve.”
The Mark account says Jesus “came with the twelve. And as they were reclining at table and eating…”
The Luke account says Jesus “reclined at table, and the apostles with him.”
The John account focuses more on Jesus’ teaching at and after the supper than the actual supper itself, but even John says, “During supper” (v.2) Jesus “began to wash the disciples’ feet…” (v.5)

When you consider all four of the gospel accounts together, there is absolutely no argument to be made that anyone was present at the Last Supper besides Jesus and the twelve. There were no women among the twelve. There were no women apostles. Therefore, no women were at the Last Supper.

I’m guessing what happened is that somebody – perhaps Catholicism, in order to elevate Mary, or perhaps feminists, in order to make Jesus seem like an egalitarian – took a mention of “disciples” (without “the twelve” in front of it) from one of these passages and decided that could mean any follower of Jesus he or she wanted it to mean (most likely Mary, the mother of Jesus, or Mary Magdalene).

If your grandson is asking questions like this, take him to Scripture and teach him how to be a good Berean. Show him how to look up the passages in question and compare what he’s being taught to what the Bible actually says.

And if you have a relationship with his parents that allows you to express your concerns about what he’s being taught at school, express them (kindly, yet seriously, taking care not to be overbearing). I shudder to think about all the unbiblical things that school is indoctrinating your grandson with that he’s not asking you about.

I am a Christian mom, and I rarely accept back talk from my son. I always call it out, and usually give him some kind of discipline, but it doesn’t seem to improve things. Is there a secret formula?😃

That’s something a lot of moms deal with, and I know it’s got to be frustrating. Good for you for looking for ways to make your discipline more effective!

If what you’re doing isn’t working, your discipline either isn’t severe enough or isn’t consistent enough, or both. Discipline has to hurt in order to be effective.

A good example of the importance of consistency is an experiment I learned about when I was a psychology major back in the Stone Age. We were studying conditioning (training a subject in a behavior), and a lot of the studies we looked at had to do with training rats to push a lever for a pellet of food. Some rats got a pellet every time they pushed the lever. Some never got a pellet. Some got a pellet sometimes. Those were the rats who pushed the lever the most because they never knew when they would be rewarded with food or “punished” with none.

It’s the same with inconsistent discipline. You’re actually increasing the undesired behavior by being inconsistent because your child never knows whether that bad behavior is going to be rewarded, ignored, or punished. This is also part of what Ephesians 6:4 is talking about when it says not to exasperate your children.

Especially with boys, Dad needs to be involved. Your son needs to know that if he doesn’t respond to your discipline, Dad is going to step in and take over. The two of you should sit down, talk this through, and put a plan in place for how to work this out in various situations.

Also helpful would be to find a couple in your church whose children are well behaved and respectful and ask them to disciple you and your husband in this area.

Get those things going, and you’ll see improvement.

Mailbag, Prayer

The Mailbag: Potpourri (“Prayers” from pagans… “Good” pride… Laying on of hands)

May 16, 2023May 15, 2023 Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

What do we do when a non-Christian (or a “Christian” who really isn’t, or someone from another faith) offers their prayers to you in times of need or trial? My husband recently had surgery, and he got good luck money from a Buddhist, prayer from a Catholic/New Ager (who also told her friends to send “their angels” to him). What should we say or do in these instances?

It is a blessing to have caring people in your life, even if they are pagans. Say a prayer of thanksgiving to God that He has placed them in your path so that you might have an opportunity to demonstrate your care for them by sharing the gospel with them. This is one of the purposes of our suffering – to point to our Savior and sustainer, Jesus.

I’m not familiar with “good luck money” but I’m assuming it’s not just, “Here, I want to help with your medical bills,” but rather has some sort of spiritual significance in Buddhism.

When Mr. Buddhist comes to the hospital to visit, hands you an envelope with cash in it, and says, “This money has been specially blessed by the Dalai Lama to bring you good luck for your surgery,” (or whatever the case may be) you could say, “Thank you so much for your kindness and generosity, Mr. B, but I’m afraid God would not be pleased for me to accept this.”. When Mr. B asks why (or if he doesn’t: “May I explain why?”), it’s a perfect opening to explain that you worship the only true God of the universe and that He will have no other gods before or besides Him… and then you’re off to the races with sharing the gospel.

When the Catholic / New Ager offers to pray for you, just turn the tables, “That’s so kind of you to offer, Cath, but would you mind if I pray for you instead?” And then don’t give her a chance to answer. Just start praying. When you’ve finished, depending on which way the wind is blowing, you could launch right into a gospel presentation, or an immediate change of subject (…amen. It was so good of you to come visit, Cath. How’s your daughter doing? I heard she’s about to graduate high school. What are her plans after graduation?)

Sometimes, doing something unexpected like that knocks people off their game enough that you can kindly and lovingly shift the interaction in a direction that alleviates awkwardness and is more pleasing to God.

My question is about pride. Why are we proud (of our children, our country, our jobs well done, etc.) when pride is a sin? If you are going to tell me there is such a thing as “good pride,” please follow with where good pride came from.

I’ve tried to stop saying I’m proud of my children, by saying other things like, “You make my heart happy,” “I’m so glad you’re my son (or daughter),” etc.

Yes, I’ve asked my husband, my pastor, my previous pastor, a like-minded friend and done my own research- I have not found, nor been given, an answer. Can you please clear this up?

Wow, it sounds like you’ve been studying on this a good bit. That’s great! When we have questions like this, we should always go to our Bibles and, if possible, seek counsel from our husbands and pastors.

Even as Christians, we often misunderstand and mislabel our emotions. There is no such thing as “good pride” because the Bible’s definition of pride is much narrower than all of the things the word “pride” covers in the common vernacular.

If you will look up the words pride and proud in Scripture (particularly in Psalms and Proverbs) and begin reading the verses that contain those words as well as the surrounding context, you’ll start to get a better feel for the way the Bible, rather than the world, defines pride. You’ll see the words “pride” and “proud” mostly paired with, and surrounded by words like “arrogant,” “haughty,” “pompous,” “boasting,” and pride as opposed to humility.

As you’re looking at verses containing the words “pride” and “proud,” you’ll come across the stories of some folks who show us what it means to be prideful, but I can’t think of two better examples than Nebuchadnezzar (see v. 30) and Herod (see 22-23), so be sure to read those.

In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, “There is no God.”
Psalm 10:4

This is the sin of pride. It is the boastful arrogance – whether expressed outwardly or cherished in the heart – that says, “I did this grand and glorious thing myself. It redounds to my glory. Look at me. Look at ME! I didn’t need God to do this thing, and I don’t need Him now.”

Non-Christians might look at their careers, and maybe even their children that way, but Christians don’t. Christians know that every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father. We know, better than anyone else on the planet, that we are nothing without Him, and that we can do nothing without Him. We can’t even cause our own hearts to beat! The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.

So when you look at your kid, if you feel pride – the way the Bible describes it – you’d better repent before you end up like Nebuchadnezzar or Herod. But, I’m guessing that’s not what you feel. I’m guessing you feel just like I do when I look at my kids: a white hot, God-given love that would propel you barefoot over hot coals for them, a heart that is bursting with joy, and undying gratitude and humility that the God of the universe would graciously give you – one so undeserving – a child who is pleasing.

That’s not pride. That’s the opposite of pride.

And, yeah, maybe we should lose, “I’m so proud of you!” for “I’m so grateful to God for you!”.

We had a ladies’ fellowship weeks ago. One of our sisters was going to the hospital to have a procedure and our leader asked us to gather to pray and lay hands on her.

I’m ok with praying, but the laying on of the hands triggered in me an awkward feeling since I was part of the charismatic movement many years ago and that was a common practice. However, I also read in the Bible that the LORD and the apostles laid hands on people although maybe the context was different. It may not be an unbiblical practice and I’m just being too reactive to it. Do you have any thoughts or comments on that?

I can certainly understand why that triggered you, considering your background.

In charismatic / NAR circles the laying on of hands is typically to bestow some sort of supernatural “impartation” – of healing, imbuing someone with a “prophetic mantle,” or “gift of the Spirit,” conferring a position of leadership onto someone, using a person as a touch point to receive a “word of knowledge” about her, etc. They got this (and twisted it) from the passages of Scripture that mention Jesus and others laying their hands on people to heal, confer the Holy Spirit, and so on.

Naturally, if the Lord has saved you out of that hot mess of heresy, you don’t want to see anything remotely like it in your new, doctrinally sound church.

In doctrinally sound churches, the laying on of hands and praying for someone was, at one time, usually reserved for ordination-type ceremonies. One of the practices in the many deacon ordinations I’ve attended has been for the pastor to call upon all the ordained men attending the service to lay hands upon the deacon candidate and pray for him (not confer anything upon him). Sometimes this will be a small group of men who will surround him, lay hands on him, and pray together. I’ve also been to ordination services where there was a line of ordained men wrapped around the perimeter of the sanctuary, and each one took his turn laying hands on, and praying individually, for each deacon candidate. It’s very sobering and very special.

I think this practice, combined with the spirit of James 5:14, is how, in the doctrinally sound church, we sort of morphed into small groups laying hands on the sick or others as we pray for them. In that context, there’s certainly nothing biblically wrong with it. I’ve taken part in praying for people this way, and I’ve been prayed for this way, too. (Honestly, it usually turns into more of a group hug and you have to be careful not to smother the person being prayed for!).

Laying hands on someone isn’t necessary and it doesn’t make your prayers any more efficacious. It just creates an atmosphere of unity in prayer and makes the person being prayed for feel that she’s surrounded by brothers and sisters who love her and are interceding for her (because she is, quite literally). If you’re uncomfortable participating, you don’t have to, but as you grow in Christ and begin growing out of those old triggers, you may change your mind one day.