Category: Mailbag

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Should Christians do yoga?

Michelle Lesley

Originally published April 18, 2016

Should Christians do yoga? What about Holy Yoga or other “Christianized” forms of yoga?

Before I give my answer to this question, I’d like to ask a couple of questions.

Have you ever heard anyone ask the question, “Should Christians do aerobics/zumba/spinning?”

Ever heard of Holy Weight Lifting, Christian Calisthenics, Redeemed Running or another “Christianized” version of a particular form of exercise?

There’s a reason for that.

If you’ve ever participated in youth or Christian school activities with a dress code, a rule of thumb that’s frequently used to help kids determine whether a particular outfit is too short, too low-cut, etc., is, “If you have to ask, it’s probably not appropriate.”

I think the same thing could be said about yoga.

The reason the question “Should Christians do yoga?” is even being asked is because there’s doubt in the minds of the Christians asking the question that yoga is kosher with God.

That’s a healthy doubt because yoga is a Hindu worship practice.

Hindu Swami Parham on the Hinduism of yoga and why Christians shouldn’t participate

Now, before we go any further, let’s just let that sink in a minute. This activity is used by a pagan religion for worshiping false gods. Would you, as a Christian, participate in any other pagan religious activities used for worshiping false gods? Would you participate in Mormon baptism for the dead? Have a shrine to Buddha in your home? Take part in the fast of Ramadan, one of the five pillars of Islam?

No? What if the water the Mormons use had some special property that soothed your eczema? What if the kids started behaving better every time you set up the Buddha shrine? What if you lost weight while fasting during Ramadan? Would those benefits make participating in pagan religious practices OK even if, in your heart, you were only doing it for the benefits and not actually worshiping those false gods?

No, it would not. Neither is participating in yoga for the health benefits. Not convinced? Give the Old Testament another read.

Time and again, the Israelites were chastised and judged by God for idolatry. And not just full-blown idol worship, but all the steps leading up to it. It was not OK with God that they participated in a “Judaized” form of golden calf worship. When Israel entered the Promised Land, God told them to utterly destroy every last vestige of idol worship. It didn’t matter that they had no intention at the time of worshiping those false gods. Israelites were not to marry foreigners lest they be tempted to idolatry. God didn’t give any special permission to marry foreigners to those who promised not to worship the pagan gods of their spouses, He just said “don’t”.  The first two – one fifth – of the Ten Commandments are prohibitions against idolatry. And there aren’t any instances in the Bible of God being fine with his people “Christianizing” idol worship.

This is not a God who’s OK with His people dabbling in paganism.

This is the God who loves us so much He sent His Son to be tortured to death for our sin so that we might be clothed with His righteousness, be saved from an eternity in hell, and inherit eternal life.  Doesn’t He deserve better than sons and daughters who want to justify their involvement, at any level, in a religion that, ultimately, worships Satan? Doesn’t He deserve our highest, unsullied loyalty- a devotion that says, “I’m willing to give up anything that doesn’t please You, no matter the cost to me.”?

Yoga isn’t the only game in town. Let’s choose something else. Something that allows us to exercise, and worship God, with a clean conscience.

Additional Resources:

What is the Christian view of yoga? at Got Questions

What is holy yoga? at Got Questions

The Subtle Body – Should Christians Practice Yoga? by Al Mohler

Yoga at Christian Answers for the New Age

Yoga at Berean Research (many additional resources here)

Holy yoga – What is it? at Compelling Truth

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Breast cancer resources, What does “cruciform” mean?, Yoga-ta find a new church?…)

The Mailbag: Halloween vs. Yoga

Why Not Yoga?– by Michal Russo, former yoga instructor

Doreen Virtue’s playlist of videos on yoga

If you have a question about: a well known Christian author/leader, a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Your Article Was Unloving!

Michelle Lesley

Originally published March 15, 2021

This article crosses a line…it’s bashing…mean-hearted…We shouldn’t be looking to twist a knife or bask in “I warned you” glory…so settled in our sense of rightness that we can’t grieve for those who are struggling.

…reading that [we should pray for Beth Moore’s salvation] after all the condescension comes off as more of a southern “bless her heart”.

…this article comes across as sanctimonious with zero grace. It complete [sic] discounts the power of God to transform the most wayward heart….ostracizing and belittling those leaders who fall…I felt a lot of smugness in the article…lack of grace and love…[coming] from a place of superiority…[being] gleeful when sin comes to light…take on the role of judge and executioner…

Michelle: So it’s OK for you to bash me, but it’s not OK for me to “bash” Beth?

I’m not bashing you.

Whenever I post an article about Beth Moore or another false teacher, I invariably get comments like this on social media, the gist of which is that I’m being unloving for saying that she is a false teacher, for rebuking her sin, for recommending that Christian women not receive teaching from her, for my “tone” of using stark language, and so on. (I always find it ironic that the commenter is usually bashing me even as she’s accusing me of “bashing” the false teacher.)

Such was the case last Friday when I posted my article Bye-Bye Beth: What Beth Moore’s Split with the SBC Means. I’ve posted excerpts above from several comments about the article made by one woman – not to single her out, but because her accusations and phraseology typify so well the pushback I often receive from those of the “You’re being unloving” persuasion. There were a few other women who responded in the same vein on the same Facebook post(s), so this lady – who, I must say, was much more polite and articulate in expressing her thoughts than most usually are – was not alone in her viewpoint.

I have not excerpted this lady’s comments in order to take them out of context or misrepresent her, but because her comments were far too many and too lengthy to post in full. Assuming they have not been deleted, If you would like to read her comments (and those of the other dissenting women) in full to make sure I’m presenting an accurate picture of the thrust of their sentiments, I would encourage you to do so here, here, and here. (Please do not address these women any further. They have spoken their minds in full, and they have been addressed sufficiently. There is no need to pile on.)

So to those who would accuse me of being unloving or hateful, who shame me that “Jesus would never talk to people that way,” who think my wording is too harsh, unkind, not gentle enough, etc., here’s my answer…

Whose definition of “loving” are we using here?

Whose definition of “loving” are we using here?

You’re defining “love” as my saying something in a way that you’re comfortable with and doesn’t offend your sensibilities.

That’s not how the Bible defines it. And that’s why Jesus was able to speak to the Pharisees…

…woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces…you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves. Woe to you, blind guides!…You blind fools!…You blind men!…full of greed and self-indulgence…you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness…you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness…you are sons of those who murdered the prophets. Fill up, then, the measure of your fathers. You serpents, you brood of vipers, how are you to escape being sentenced to hell?..on you may come all the righteous blood shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah the son of Barachiah, whom you murdered between the sanctuary and the altar.

Matthew 23

…and God was able to speak about His idolatrous people…

And the Babylonians came to her into the bed of love, and they defiled her with their whoring lust. And after she was defiled by them, she turned from them in disgust. When she carried on her whoring so openly and flaunted her nakedness, I turned in disgust from her, as I had turned in disgust from her sister. Yet she increased her whoring, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the whore in the land of Egypt and lusted after her lovers there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose issue was like that of horses. Thus you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when the Egyptians handled your bosom and pressed your young breasts.”

Ezekiel 23:17-21

…so much more harshly and starkly than I’ve spoken about Beth in this article, and yet He is still the perfect embodiment of love, and the perfect example of love to us.

Using your definition of love, if you’re going to be fair and consistent, if you accuse me of speaking in an unloving way in this article, you have to accuse God of speaking in an unloving way in Ezekiel 23 and Jesus of speaking in an unloving way in Matthew 23.

But the Bible defines love like this:

God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:8b-11

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Because God is love, God alone has the right to define love. And God defines love as the redemption, restoration, and reconciliation of man to Himself. Love isn’t someone making you feel good about yourself or the world or your circumstances. Love isn’t being outwardly “nice”: always being the epitome of sweetness, never confronting anyone, affirming everything, never hurting anyone’s feelings, never saying or doing anything that makes anyone uncomfortable.

Because God is love, God alone has the right to define love. And God defines love as the redemption, restoration, and reconciliation of man to Himself.

While the world looks at a person’s outward, observable behavior and pronounces her loving or unloving depending on how pleasing that behavior is to others, God looks at a person’s heart and pronounces her loving or unloving to the extent that her motives match His.

…the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7b

God defines love as cooperating with Him in rescuing the perishing, building up the church, and showcasing His glory. Sometimes that’s going to look like binding up the brokenhearted or healing the untouchable leper, and sometimes that’s going to look clearing the temple or calling false teachers a brood of vipers. While the world would call the former “loving” and the latter “hateful” based on what those behaviors look like, God calls both loving if they spring from a heart motivated to rescue, redeem, restore, and reconcile.

Sometimes biblical love looks like binding up the brokenhearted or healing the untouchable leper, and sometimes it looks like clearing the temple or calling false teachers a brood of vipers.

So, when you say I’m being “unloving” to use stringent language about false teachers (like God, Jesus, the prophets, and the apostles did), and I say you’re wrong, it’s because we’re using two different definitions of love. You’re using a worldly definition of love based on how pleasing my outward behavior was to you. I’m using God’s definition of love that’s based on the motivation of my heart. You cannot tell me I’m not demonstrating biblical love in a situation like this because you don’t know the motivation of my heart. I do. The article in question (like so many others about which I’m accused of being unloving) was motivated by love – God’s definition of love – for

  • Beth – that God would graciously remove the scales from her eyes and save her
  • Beth’s fans – that God would open their eyes to deception they’re believing and lead them to repentance and sound doctrine
  • Discerning Christians – that they might be encouraged not to let their guard down but to keep contending for the faith once for all delivered to saints
  • The church – that it would cleanse out the leaven of false teaching so that Christ might present her to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
  • and the Southern Baptist Convention – that it might forsake the idols of money, power, and celebrity, and return to its first love, Christ.

But it was also motivated by another component of love which the worldly definition of love, being worldly, is completely oblivious to. You see, the world’s definition of love only concerns itself with the “horizontal” love between one human being and another. But God’s definition of love finds its origin in Himself. He is the foundation and the culmination of love. He is both the starting gun and the finish line in the race of love. Where there is no vertical love of God, there is no horizontal love between people. There may be friendship, attraction, affection, attachment, and emotion, but there is no true love.

God’s definition of love finds its origin in Himself. Where there’s no vertical love of God, there is no horizontal love between people. So any biblical -rather than worldly- definition of love must start and finish with love for God.

And so any biblical – rather than worldly – definition of love must start and finish with love for God. Only a heart that loves Him because He first loved me can extend that same redemptive, restorative love to others.

And though I have never, and will never, this side of Glory, love Him as completely and perfectly as I should – as I want to – those articles that offend your sensibilities, that you feel justified in berating me about because they don’t meet your standards, those articles are rooted in and motivated by love for the Christ whom I serve. I would not continue to do what I do and take the abuse I take for it if I did not love Him.

I’ve heard this whole “tone police” perspective a million times. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve considered it. I’ve weighed the motivations of my heart. And in cases in which I know before the Lord that my motives have truly been unloving, I’ve repented. But the astronomically overwhelming majority of accusations I receive are not from people concerned with the biblical definition of love, but from people using a worldly definition of love whose personal sensibilities have been offended. People who wish to correct me from the authority and standard of their feelings, not from the authority and standard of God’s Word.

And as I’ve prayed, and studied, and weighed, and considered all of these things, the conclusion the Lord has graciously led me to is that there’s no way I will ever please every single one of the thousands of people who hear me. Just like Jesus’ words didn’t please all the people who heard Him, or John the Baptist’s words, or Peter’s, or Paul’s, or Noah’s, or Ezekiel’s, or Jeremiah’s, or… (you know, I’m starting to think I’m in good company!)

So rather than trying to please man, I’m going to strive to please God. If my conscience is clear before Him, that’s all that matters.

The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe. Proverbs 29:25

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

Additional Resources:

Discernment: What’s Love Got to Do with It?

Sacrificing Truth on the Altar of Tone

Pull over – it’s the Tone Police at A Word Fitly Spoken

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Video Q&A

Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 15, 2020

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been out of state caring for my mother after a lengthy hospital stay. But I haven’t forgotten about y’all! On the drive up and the drive back I posted Facebook Live and Instagram Live videos answering your questions. If you don’t follow me on social media, you may have missed them, so I’m sharing them here today. Maybe I answered a question you’ve been thinking about sending in? Watch and find out!

Looking for a resource I mentioned in one of the videos? Check the tabs in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, or use the search bar (be sure to spell correctly).

 

May 26, 2020- Road trip QA&A, Facebook Live

 

May 26, 2020- Road trip QA&A, Instagram Live

 

June 12, 2020- Road trip QA&A #2, Facebook Live

 

June 12, 2020- Road trip QA&A #2, Instagram Live

 

If you don’t already follow me on social media, check out my Contact and Social Media tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page and give me a follow!

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Answering a Fool, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Answering a Fool #5

Michelle Lesley

Answer a fool according to his folly,
lest he be wise in his own eyes.
Proverbs 26:5

There’s a lot of foolishness masquerading as Christianity these days. Occasionally, I get e-mails and messages showcasing this type of foolishness. It needs to be biblically corrected so these folks can stop “being wise in their own eyes,” repent, and believe and practice the truth of Scripture. From time to time, I share those e-mails in The Mailbag with a biblical corrective, not only so the e-mail writer can be admonished by Scripture, but to provide you with Scriptures and reasoning you can use if you’re ever confronted with this kind of foolishness.

To answer a fool according to his folly (or in the case of most of the foolishness addressed to me – a professing Christian acting the fool by spouting unbiblical folly) is to stand toe to toe with him and firmly and biblically address his unbiblical foolishness without backing down or letting him run roughshod over you – sometimes even mirroring his own words back to him to help him see his hypocrisy. Some Christians think holding your ground, refusing to compromise on biblical truth, and offering correction in this way is unkind or unloving. It is not. Not if you’re going by the Bible’s definition of love rather than the world’s definition (“be nice” “accept everything” “don’t confront”), and not when you’re dealing with a pridefully stubborn person. One of the most unloving things a Christian can do is to see a professing brother or sister in biblical error and ignore it rather than trying to help that person see the truth of God’s Word. Jesus, Paul, Peter, Jude, John, Jeremiah, Isaiah, and many others, did this plenty of times in Scripture, and, often, much more stringently that I and other 21st century Christians do. Sometimes love – real, biblical love – has to be tough in order to reach someone’s heart.

You can read more in the “Answering a Fool” series here.

If you’re on pretty much any form of social media, you know foolishness abounds. Such was the case, recently on X (the artist formerly known as Twitter). But it gave me some great teaching and evangelism opportunities.

I’d like everyone to be aware of the fact that these people were commenting and leveling these accusations against me on my own post. I’ve made it a practice not go on to other people’s posts (especially those I don’t follow) and comment to them in this manner.

Immediately below is my post (it’s clickable if you’d like to read more), followed by three different comments on my post and my responses (with some modifications) to each of them.

Thomas, my friend, that is a foolish and unbiblical way of responding to my statement, but it does provide a great opportunity for a teaching moment.

1. I did not address the idea of perfection in my comment. I didn’t say anyone is or isn’t, should or shouldn’t be, can or can’t be perfect. Perfection was not the topic, so your response makes no sense.

2. This response is virtue signaling. It’s meant to demonstrate that you are more virtuous than I am. That’s a form of pride.

3. This response is meant to shame me when I have said nothing unbiblical or worthy of shaming. I don’t know if you’re a Believer or not, but if you are, that’s not only unbiblical, but very unloving toward a sister in Christ.

4. The topic I was addressing in my comment was unChristlike character. Your response was basically, “You’re not perfect so you can’t address unbiblical behavior.” As you said, no one but Jesus is perfect. So I guess that means no Christian can ever address any issue of sin because no Christian is perfect? That’s certainly not a biblical idea.

5. If no one is perfect and therefore I shouldn’t be addressing unbiblical behavior, why are you addressing what you feel to be my unbiblical behavior by responding this way to me? Are you perfect and therefore allowed to call my comment into question?

6. Your X bio proclaims you to be “just another voice in the wilderness.” That’s an allusion to John the Baptist. He called out a lot of sin and called a lot of people to repentance – much more stringently than I did in my comment. Was he perfect, or only Jesus? Perhaps he shouldn’t have rebuked Herod’s sin of adultery since he was not perfect himself. (You might want to study up on John the Baptist a little more.)

7. Would you have responded the same way if I were remarking on any other sin? What if I had made a negative remark about bank robbery or child abuse? Would you have responded, “Jesus is perfect, we are not, unless you are?”.

Or is it that I can only say that something is unbiblical or wrong if you agree it’s unbiblical or wrong, or that the world generally agrees is wrong? If that’s the case, you or society have just become my authority on right and wrong rather than Scripture.

So thank you, Thomas, for giving us this example of an unbiblical response and giving me the opportunity to make it a teaching moment. I hope it’s been edifying and helpful to you.

Your comment is an extraordinary thing to say. You don’t strike me as someone who has the authority to assess me or whether or not I have the authority to assess anyone/anything else. You don’t follow me and this is the first time, to my recollection, that we’ve ever interacted, so where did you get the authority you feel gives you the right to assess me?

Your authority to assess me is called into question even further by your lack of reading comprehension skills. My comment was not, by any stretch of the imagination, an assessment of the Puritans or how valuable reading them might be. It was an assessment of people who, despite reading the Puritans (plus the other things I mentioned), lack Christlike character. I would encourage you to go back to my OP and read slowly and carefully for understanding.

Goner’s response was to call me prideful, belligerent, and “arrogance personified”. That’s the type of childish, unsubstantial response you can expect when you point out someone’s hypocrisy and/or that he is wrong about something. Rather than manning up, owning it, and apologizing, he will turn around like an eight year old and call you a doody-head because he knows what you’re saying is right. He doesn’t like that you’re right, and he wants to defend himself, but he hasn’t a leg to stand on, so this is what he’s reduced to. I’m embarrassed for grown adults with jobs and driver’s licenses who act this way. It’s one of the reasons I usually ignore comments like the ones I’m sharing today.

A) You’re assuming facts not in evidence.

B) If “ALL” the Christians you know genuinely think they’re better than everybody else, then you might know some people who claim to be Christians, but you don’t know any who actually are Christians.

However, it’s been my experience that people like you assume Christians think they’re better than everybody else, when, in reality we think nothing of the sort.

What’s actually happening in that situation is that because the Holy Spirit abides in that Christian, you’re feeling Him, in all His holiness, convicting you of your sins so that you can repent and believe the gospel.

You don’t like that feeling, so you deflect it by sublimating your feelings of guilt and conviction into an assumption that that Christian thinks he’s better than you.

This allows you to – arrogantly – feel superior to him, and that feeling of superiority dulls the guilt and conviction you’re feeling, so you feel better.

That is what’s actually happening.

I suspect that’s what’s going on in your heart right now, leading you to make this comment. So, striking while the iron is hot, let me take this opportunity to encourage you to carefully and prayerfully consider the materials and Scriptures here, and repent and believe the gospel.

I haven’t heard back from Tony yet, and maybe I won’t, but unless he actually responds to the conviction of the Holy Spirit in repentance and faith in Christ, my guess is that he’ll respond kind of like Goner did, because…

The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.

1 Corinthians 2:14

And at that point, I’m obligated to discontinue the discourse out of obedience to Scripture:

Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.

Matthew 7:6

This social media generation (myself included – often) has failed to wisely distinguish between answering a fool according to his folly and the fact that you cannot argue a blind man into seeing. Let’s allow these two passages remind us of that and inform, guard, and guide our interactions online.

If you’d like to follow me on social media (as long as it’s not to argue!), click the Contact and Social Media tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Discernment, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Book rec on being a godly sister?… Pants war with parents… Why isn’t ___ on the false teacher list?)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

My oldest daughter is turning 12 this week, and I see a lot of heart issues in her that I would like to help her with. She is a triplet, and also has three younger siblings, and I think she feels like she doesn’t get as much attention from me because of the neediness of the other children, which has turned into bitterness and disrespectful attitudes in her. Is there a book that you know of that I could take her through that would help us both with these things? Really, anything directed at her age discussing how to be a godly older sister. I want to be a good mom for her, raising her to be a kind and loving older sister, but I feel like I am failing.

Being a mom is pretty challenging, and we all have moments and seasons when we feel like we’re failing. Ask the best, most godly mom you know, and I’m sure she’ll agree. Sometimes, it’s because we have failed, which means we need to repent – to God and to our children – and obey Him. But often, we take those feelings of failure upon ourselves when we’re truly doing our best, and/or when the situation is unavoidable or isn’t our fault.

Let me give you a few resources that may help…

First, you’ll want to get your own heart and mind in order – according to Scripture – about your feelings of failure. Check out my article: Guilt and Shame- Burden or Blessing?

Next, I’d like to suggest you read my article You Don’t Need *A* Book, You Need *THE* Book. Christians are readers, and that’s a good thing, but a book written by another human being isn’t always the best thing. Find out why, and what’s better. You might also enjoy my article Avoiding the Creepers: Six Ways to Raise a Biblically Strong Woman.

Your daughter is the perfect age for the two of you to study the Bible together. If she’s not yet a Believer, you’ll want to explain the gospel to her. If she is a Believer, study through a book of the Bible together. The Bible is a book, it’s directed at her age, and it addresses all of the things you’ve mentioned both textually and transformatively. (If I may be a little blunt: your daughter needs godly parenting from the best people for the job – you and your husband – and either salvation or sanctification by the Holy Spirit more than she needs to read a book written by someone else.) If you’d like, the two of you might also enjoy working through my Bible study Imperishable Beauty: A Study of Biblical Womanhood. Studying Scripture together will also help address the issue of her feeling like she’s not getting enough attention from you.

And don’t forget to pray for your daughter on your own, with your husband, and with her. Prayer is also transformative. It will help you, your husband, and your daughter get on the same page with God.

Finally, let your church be the resource for you that God wants it to be. This is a textbook Titus 2:3-5 situation. Find a godly older woman in your church or in your family, and ask for her help and guidance. If you don’t know anyone like that, set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel and ask him to point you in the direction of a godly older woman who can disciple you through this.

Although doctrinally sound books can sometimes be helpful, the means and methods God has prescribed in Scripture – the Word, prayer, and the church – should always be our “Plan A”.

I’m 19 years of age and I’m currently at war with my parents because I told them I wanted to start wearing pants. They believe my salvation is not real because I’m going against Deuteronomy 22:5…..And it has made me so confused about my stand with God. Am I really sinning against God or am I misunderstanding something? 

I think there’s definitely some misunderstanding and some sin going on here, but maybe not like you might be thinking. Let’s sort it out according to Scripture.

In and of itself, it is not a sin for a Christian woman to wear modest women’s pants. If your parents genuinely think you’re not saved solely because you want to wear modest women’s pants, then they are misunderstanding Deuteronomy 22:5 (and possibly the New Testament concept of Christians being under the covenant of grace rather than the Mosaic covenant). I’ve explained all of this in detail in my article The Mailbag: May Christian Women Wear Pants?.

However there are sins being committed in this situation that you may not have considered. If you’re “at war” with your parents about this or any other issue of adiaphora/Christian liberty, you’re probably committing the sins of pride, dishonoring/disobeying your parents, failing to live at peace with them so far as you’re able, and failing to bear with their weakness in this area. (Your parents may also be committing some of these sins as well as provoking you to anger, but you can only control whether or not you’re sinning, and how you react to their sins.) I would encourage you to study the Scriptures I’ve linked here, ask God to humble you and help you understand whether or not you’ve sinned in any of these areas, and, if you have, repent – to God and to your parents.

Now, there is one more dynamic at play here: It doesn’t sound like you’re married, so are you still living under your parents’ roof and/or financial support (e.g. You live in a dorm or apartment they’re paying for, they’re paying for your education, etc.) or are you living on your own and supporting yourself? Those are two different kettles of fish.

Your parents have the right to make the rules for their house, and they have the right to decide what they will and won’t support financially, even if those rules and conditions seem wrong, ridiculous, or unfair to you. At nineteen, you are an adult, and you have the right to decide whether you want to live under those rules in their house, and whether you want to abide by the conditions under which they will financially support you. It’s just a question of which is more important to you at this point in your life – housing and financial support or wearing pants. If you want to live at their house and/or receive their money, you need to humble yourself and abide by their rules without complaining. If you want to wear pants, you need to move out and pay your own way.

A few final thoughts:

  • If you’re still living at home or receiving financial support from your parents, you can lovingly and humbly ask if they might be open to the compromise of you wearing split skirts or palazzo pants / skirts. Go into this conversation prepared to graciously accept an answer of “no”.
  • Give 1 Peter 3:1-6 a good study. This passage is not about the parent-child relationship, but about Christian wives softening their unsaved husbands’ hearts to the gospel by their godly, submissive behavior. Are there any principles you can glean from this passage that can be applied to your relationship with your parents as you submit to their authority in their home and under their financial support?
  • When you do move out and support yourself, you’re free to wear modest women’s pants whenever you like, but Scripture doesn’t allow us to exercise our Christian liberties in ways that unnecessarily offend others. In other words, when you go visit your parents, put on a skirt.

I am curious as to why Kenneth Copeland and Rhema Bible College [founded by Kenneth Hagin] are NOT on your list of false teachers. Thank you for your ministry but I believe these are important ones to highlight as well.

I agree, the two Kenneths are/were rank heretics, and Rhema “Bible” College knows nothing of the Bible. No one should have anything to do with any of them.

Here’s why they (and a number of other blatant heretics) are not listed at my Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page). Let’s start with an excerpt from that page that perhaps you didn’t see:

Please understand that this is not a comprehensive list of every false teacher in existence (there are thousands of them, so that would be impossible)… I provide information here largely in answer to questions from my readers. In other words, if you don’t see it, it’s either because I haven’t been asked about it, or I haven’t had time to get to it yet. The names you see are simply some of the most well-known teachers my readers have inquired about.

Generally speaking, my audience consists mostly of Christian women in passable to vibrantly doctrinally sound churches. They’re not asking me if the Kenneths are false teachers; they can watch or listen to five minutes of either of those guys and know.

Women who are so undiscerning that they’re following these guys are almost certainly not saved (and aren’t following me). What they need is to repent and believe the gospel, or they’re neither going to understand why, nor believe that the Kenneths are heretics, and, like the pigs and dogs they are, spiritually speaking, they’re going to turn and attack me for trying to convince them

There are tens of thousands of false teachers out there. I am one person with a husband, family, church responsibilities, friends, a podcast, speaking engagements, and other topics I have to blog about. I have to spend my time, not on the obvious false teachers, but on the more subtle ones my readers are actually asking about.

I have also attempted to help out readers who don’t find the false teacher they’re looking for on the list (again, from my Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends page):

Don’t see the name of the teacher you’re looking for in the lists below? Check out my article Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring It Out on Your Own.

In this article, you’ll not only learn how to research teachers for yourself (a skill every Christian should develop), you’ll also find a list of trustworthy discernment ministries who may have the information you’re looking for.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.