Marriage

Blog Swap ~ When Fulfilling Your Marital Duty Is a Matter of Self Control

blog swap

It’s time for another awesome blog swap! Blog swaps give me the opportunity to share other talented bloggers with you, plus offer you fresh content that’s a great supplement to our regular fare here. If you’d like to do a swap, click on the link above for more information.

I’m excited to be swapping again with Kaylene of Faithful Feat. Kaylene has a beautiful way of writing about Christian marriage with gentility and grace, and today’s article, dealing with marital intimacy, is no exception.

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Let’s be honest, ladies. Sometimes, we’re just not “in the mood.” But do we ever stop to think that Scripture never mentions being in the mood when it talks about our responsibility to the marriage bed? What if we put our husbands first and lovingly give of ourselves?

The question is not, “Do I feel like fulfilling his sexual need tonight?” But rather, “Am I going to use my body to bless my husband, according to his need and according to my marital duty?

Check out Kaylene’s awesome article When Fulfilling Your Marital Duty Is a Matter of Self Controland don’t forget to follow Faithful Feat on social media.

Sanctification

Irritability: 7 Ways to Fight the Red-Eyed Monster

irritability

If jealousy is the “green-eyed monster,” then, surely, irritability is the “red-eyed monster.” Confession time: irritability is a sin I struggle against on a daily basis. And all too often, that red-eyed monster wins, and I lose, giving in to temptation once again. I snap at my children or my husband or the dog, not because I’m seeking to build them up in Christ, or admonish them toward godliness (and lemme tell you, the dog desperately needs this admonition), but because I’m annoyed, my agenda is being thwarted, somebody rubbed me the wrong way. Hmmm…seems like there’s a common thread there.

Me. I’m not getting things my way.

And when I put myself first by venting my frustration and anger on others instead of putting my own feelings aside in order to serve them, I am dishonoring and disobeying my Master who put everything aside to redeem me. Me. A selfish, rebellious sinner who didn’t deserve His grace. And I am not being a picture of the gospel to the person I’m being short with.

I am so deeply grateful that when I confess my sin, Christ is faithful and just to forgive me for that sin and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). If it weren’t for His grace and mercy, well, I don’t even want to think about what would become of me. But I love my Jesus, and while I’m grateful for His forgiveness, what I’d really rather do is honor Him by not sinning in the first place.

Did you know there are some proactive steps you can take to wage an offensive attack on irritability? Here are seven weapons for your arsenal.

1. Start the day off with Bible study and prayer.

I’m not just saying that because this is a Christian article and I have to make sure I stick that in somewhere. I’m saying that for two reasons.

First, Jesus tells us to, and that’s the most important reason. In John 15:4-5, Jesus says:

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

Daily study of the Bible and prayer are the primary ways we abide in Christ. It nourishes and shapes our spirits and forms us into His likeness. Prayer is also the place where we can ask forgiveness for our sin and for the Holy Spirit to strengthen us for the next round of temptation.

Second, my experience bears this “abiding” thing out (and I’ll bet yours does too). When I neglect prayer and Bible study, I am far less likely to respond to irritation in a godly way. When my spiritual tank is full, however, it is much easier to be aware of, and obey, when the Spirit prompts me to keep my mouth shut, or take a deep breath and wait a minute before responding to someone.

Want to be a branch that bears good fruit? You’ve got to abide in the Vine.

2. Remind yourself where irritation comes from.

As I mentioned above, it comes from selfishness. Completely inappropriate for a Christian. While the world tells us that every feeling we have must be expressed, Jesus tells us we are to deny ourselves, not indulge our sinful flesh and vomit our emotions all over any hapless soul who stumbles across our paths.

3. Preach the gospel to yourself, and mirror Christ.

The heart of the gospel is Romans 5:8:

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Think about all the sins you’ve committed over the course of your life. Think God might have just a skosh of a reason to be irritated with you? Yep. But instead of pouring out His anger on you each time you transgressed, what did He do? He sent His precious Son to die for you. He loved. He gave.

Now, usually, when somebody irritates me, it’s not even because he’s sinning. What excuse do I have for pouring my anger out on others instead of remembering the grace God extended to me and extending that same grace to them?

4. Memorize Scripture.

Funny thing about memorizing Scripture– you get it embedded in your brain, and the Holy Spirit causes it to pop back up right when you need it. Some verses I would suggest:

Matthew 16:24- Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

Galatians 5:22-23- But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5- Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

Ephesians 4:32- Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Proverbs 31:26- She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

5. Let’s get physical.

Let’s face it, when our bodies are out of whack, it’s harder to control our emotions.

  • Making sure you get enough sleep should be a no-brainer. We’re all more irritable when we’re tired.
  • Eating a nutritious diet is important, but so is eating at regular times and not skipping meals. Who’s happy with anybody when she’s starving? Also, get the right amount of caffeine for your body. Too much can make you irritable, but so can too little, depending on what you’re used to.
  • Exercising regularly is a great way to prevent irritability, but it’s also a great way to work out all those frustrations in a healthy way. Ready to let loose on somebody? Lace up the running shoes and take it out on the pavement instead.
  • Go to the bathroom. That’s right, I said it. When you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go, and not just for your own sake. You can’t focus on being kind to people who are annoying you when the call of nature is demanding to be answered.
  • And, to get even more personal, ladies, chart your periods so you’ll know when PMS will be rearing its ugly head. Then, do what you can, whether it’s taking medication, eliminating things from your schedule to reduce stress, or locking yourself in your room for a few days, to curb your propensity to rip everybody’s face off.

6. Proactively manage your exposure to other humans.

Although I wouldn’t consider myself a genuine introvert, I definitely lean that direction. It’s not that I don’t love my husband, children, and others, but I’ve found that I need some time alone each day to maintain my emotional and spiritual health. In Scripture, we see that even Jesus had a similar need. Luke 5:15b-16 tells us:

…crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

Also helpful is knowing who irritates you, in which situations, and why. If it’s someone you don’t have to see everyday, try to arrange your meetings with her for days when you’re rested up, hormonally balanced, and had a good long quiet time. And don’t forget to pray for patience before you meet with her.

7. Get help.

Know your warning signs of irritability and get your family and friends to help you. My husband knows when that time of the month rolls around and knows exactly how to kindly and patiently bring me back down to earth. He has also learned that it takes a couple of minutes of wakefulness for my self control to kick in. So he is quiet and doesn’t try to engage me in those moments of half consciousness when I’m just waking up.

I have also considered employing the “Muskrat Method” for my husband. If you’ve seen the movie Meet the Parents, you’ll remember that every time the dad was about to lose his temper, his wife would say, “Muskrat, Jack!” It was a code word that meant, “Hey, I see you’re about to go berserk. Let’s rein it in while there’s still a chance to opt for sanity.”

 

Irritability isn’t becoming of a Christian. Whereas patience, kindness, gentleness, and self control are fruits of the Spirit, irritability is a fruit of the flesh. What are some of the ways you fight irritability?

Christian women, Marriage

Blog Swap ~ Speaking Your Approval

blog swap

It’s time for another awesome blog swap! Blog swaps give me the opportunity to share other talented bloggers with you, plus offer you fresh content that’s a great supplement to our regular fare here. If you’d like to do a swap, click on the link above for more information.

Once again, we’ve got a great article from Kaylene of Faithful FeatKaylene has written some insightful articles about marriage that will be especially helpful to Christian wives. Today, she’s sharing with us how to build up your husband by speaking words of approval to him.

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You love your husband. You know it, he knows it, your kids know it, your friends and family know it….He kinda needs to hear you say it. A man likes that kind of thing. He won’t ask for it. He might not even know he craves your approval. But, he does.

 

Click here to continue reading, and don’t forget to subscribe and follow Faithful Feat on social media!

Marriage

Blog Swap ~ 5 Ways to Protect Your Husband’s Heart

blog swap

It’s time for another awesome blog swap! Blog swaps give me the opportunity to share other talented bloggers with you, plus offer you fresh content that’s a great supplement to our regular fare here. If you’d like to do a swap, click on the link above for more information.

I’m excited to be swapping again with Kaylene of Faithful Feat. (Check out my last Blog Swap with Kaylene here.) Kaylene’s articles on being a godly wife are so soothing, they help me to calm down, take a deep breath, and say, “Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I can do this. I can grow in godliness in my marriage.”

 

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Today, Kaylene has another great article for us, 5 Ways to Protect Your Husband’s Heart. Usually, we think of our husbands protecting us, but there are ways we can protect them, too. Number two, “Speak Kind Words,” is an area in which I need a lot of improvement.

She expresses thanks for his efforts in his leadership, provisions and parenting, no matter how blundering his efforts may be. She compliments on the good he does and extends grace to the rest.

What are some other things we, as Christian wives, can do
to protect our husbands’ hearts?

Christian women, New Testament, Obedience, Sunday School, Women

Miraculous Inceptions: Elizabeth and Mary ~ Sunday School Lesson ~ 10-5-14

inceptions

These are my notes from my ladies’ Sunday School class this morning. I’ll be posting the notes from my class here each week. Click here for last week’s lesson.

Through the Bible in 2014 ~ Week 40 ~ Sep. 28- Oct. 4
Nehemiah 8-13, Psalm 126, Malachi, Luke 1-3, John 1, Matthew 1-3, Mark 1
Miraculous Inceptions: Elizabeth and Mary

Background/Timeline
1. 424 – 6 B.C. The Intertestamental Period- Nehemiah 13 and the book of Malachi record the last historical events and the last prophecy, respectively, of the Old Testament. Over 400 years would pass between those events and and the opening of the New Testament. Although God was still at work in the world and in the lives of His people, Scripture does not record anything from this time period. There was no prophetic word from God during the Intertestamental Period, thus, it is often called the 400 years of silence.

2. 424-334 B.C.- Israel remained a Persian territory for about 100 years after the last recorded events in the Old Testament

3. 334-331 B.C.- Alexander the Great conquers Persia and gains control of all Persian holdings, including Israel. Greek rule is established by 332 B.C.

4. 301-198 B.C.- After the death of Alexander the Great, his generals vie for control. General Ptolemy I Soter sets up the Greek Ptolemaic dynasty in Egypt (later demanding to be made Pharaoh). Ptolemaic rule of Israel begins.

5. 198 B.C.- Another Greek, Antiochus the Great defeats the Ptolemaic dynasties and takes over. He persecutes Israel to the extreme, not allowing them to keep the Sabbath, forcing them to offer unclean sacrifices, and eat unlawful foods.

6. 166-142 B.C.- Mattathias, a Jewish priest, and his five sons lead the 24 year Maccabean (named for Judas Maccabeus, the oldest son and leader) Revolt against Antiochus. The Jews eventually won their independence (though they still retained many Greek ways), and Mattathias set up the Hasmonean dynasty of priests (unbiblical since priests could only come from the family line of Zadok, and his family did not) to govern Israel.

7. 63 B.C.- Rome takes over the known world, including Israel.

8. 37-4 B.C.- Rome sets up Herod the Great as king of Israel. He is still king when Jesus is born.

The stage was set. After four hundred years of silence God was about to speak again, act mightily on behalf of His people again. And it all started with two godly women.

Luke 1:5-24

Elizabeth
It’s helpful to remind ourselves right from the start that, although we know something amazing is about to happen, Elizabeth and Zechariah had no idea. They were just regular people going about their daily lives.

5- Zechariah was a priest, but Elizabeth was also from the priestly tribe. (And what did the priests do? They minister before the Lord; just what John would do.) They were likely respected in their community and what we would consider “upper middle class,” at the least.

6 (John 9:3, Romans 9:10-16)- Both Zechariah and Elizabeth were godly people. “Blameless” doesn’t mean “sinless,” it just means that they loved the Lord, desired to obey Him, and kept His commands and statues the best they could, repenting when they sinned. It’s important this fact was mentioned before Luke went on to say that she was barren. Barrenness was often seen as a punishment from God for sin. Sometimes it was, but that wasn’t the case here. As Jesus would later say as he healed the man born blind, Elizabeth wasn’t being punished for sin, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in” her.

But by the same token, Elizabeth did not earn this honor God was about to bestow on her by living blamelessly. There were probably thousands of other godly Israelite women living at that time. Why Elizabeth and not one of them? That answer is found in the mind of God alone. It is, as Hebrews says, “not because of works but because of him who calls.”

8-13- The angel appears and begins telling Zechariah what’s about to happen. This is an answer to prayer (13) for Zechariah and Elizabeth. Scripture doesn’t say this, I am only speculating, but it would not surprise me if they had stopped praying for a child long ago. Elizabeth was not only barren, both of them were “advanced in years” (7). Maybe they thought God had said “no” when He had really said “not yet.” But now was God’s perfect timing. Can you think of any other Bible characters who conceived when they were old and/or had been barren for years? Several of our Old Testament heroes came into the world this way: Hannah (Samuel), Rebekah (Jacob), Rachel (Joseph), and Mrs. Manoah (Samson) were all barren until God opened their wombs. But Elizabeth’s pregnancy in old age after years of barrenness would probably have reminded her community most of Sarah (Isaac). All of these miraculous Old Testament births after barrenness would certainly have alerted Israel that John would be one to watch.

Also notable is that, while the angel may have appeared and spoken to Zechariah, it was Elizabeth that God would use to bring John into the world. God is God. He could have dropped John out of the sky or grown him out of the ground like a tree. But He didn’t. He chose a woman to work through. It’s just another example of the way God values and uses women as He accomplishes His purposes.

24-25- When amazing things happen to godly people, godly people respond in godly ways. There’s no doubt Elizabeth was overjoyed that her prayer for a child was finally being answered in such a miraculous way and with such a child. But she responded humbly and modestly, staying in seclusion -possibly as an act of gratitude or to ensure a safe pregnancy- for five months. She also responded with thanks and acknowledgement of God’s grace and power in answering her prayer.

Luke 1:25-38

Mary
Mary and Elizabeth were cousins of some degree, but their lives were very different from one another. Mary was young, probably in her teens, while Elizabeth was older. Elizabeth was from a priestly lineage (Aaron). Mary was from a kingly lineage (David). Elizabeth had been married many years. Mary was only engaged. Elizabeth was not a virgin. Mary was. Elizabeth and Zechariah were financially comfortable. Mary’s family was poor. Elizabeth had been praying for a child for years. The last thing Mary would have wanted at that point in her life was a baby.

26-30- There was nothing special about Mary. She was a regular girl from a regular family growing up and about to get married.

“O favored one” literally means “full of grace.” It is an expression used elsewhere in Scripture as a general reference to a Believer. Luke called Elizabeth blameless and righteous and simply called Mary a Believer. Likely this difference was to drive home the point that Elizabeth was not barren due to sin. Also, Elizabeth would probably have been more mature in the faith since she was older and had access to a live-in priest.

As with Elizabeth, we see that God chooses whom He will for His own reasons. Mary was a godly young woman, and God was pleased with this, but she was a sinner just like everyone else. She had not “found favor with God” or earned her position as Jesus’ mother because she was somehow holier than other young women like her. God’s favor rested on Mary because He chose her, not because she earned it.

34-37- Both Mary and Zechariah were confused and questioning when an angel showed up and announced an unplanned pregnancy. So why was Zechariah rebuked while Mary was merely given an explanation? First, Zechariah was a priest, and knew the Scriptures intimately. He knew there was precedent for his situation (Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, etc.), had even prayed for a child, and should have known that God was capable of doing the same thing in his own family. There was zero precedent for Mary’s situation. She hadn’t prayed for a child, wasn’t married, and a virgin birth was unheard of. Though she undoubtedly knew some of the Scriptures, she certainly wouldn’t have known them as well as a priest. God knows the heart, and He knew that Zechariah’s question was born of doubt, and Mary’s was born of confusion, ignorance, and a desire to understand.

38- Once again, a godly woman responds in a godly way. She didn’t express what was probably a very real fear– that she would be accused of adultery and possibly stoned, or that Joseph would divorce her (which he nearly did). She simply trusted that the God who was about to do this amazing thing was big enough to protect her from whatever might come her way. Whatever God wanted to do with her was fine. She was His servant.

Elizabeth, Mary, and Me (2 Corinthians 12:9)
The God who said “My power is made perfect in weakness,” (2 Cor.) has always delighted to show Himself glorious through weak, sinful, ordinary people from all walks of life like Elizabeth, Mary, and each of us. Though God will probably not do something as major in my life or yours as He did in Elizabeth’s and Mary’s lives, He is still at work in our lives, accomplishing His Kingdom purposes. And that is what is important.

Too many Christians these days wear themselves out running around asking, “What’s my purpose? What’s my purpose?” when what we should really be asking is, “What is God’s purpose for His Kingdom, and how can I be obedient to Him so He can accomplish His purposes through me?” Mary and Elizabeth both considered themselves nothing more than God’s slaves, and humbly submitted to whatever God wanted to do in their lives, whether it would bring joy or hardship. Will we do the same?