Christian women, Church

Throwback Thursday ~ Pastoral Propriety with Church Ladies, and 7 Ways Women Can Help

Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 20, 2016dancing-893206_1280

Yesterday, I read a fantastic article for pastors entitled The Pastor and Inappropriate Interactions with Women in the Church. (I’ll give you the gist of it, but it’d be better if you would take a second and read it. It’s not long. I’ll wait.) It’s not about pastors having affairs, it’s about inappropriate interactions with women at church: full frontal hugs, emotionally intimate conversations, and such.

I thought it was great advice to pastors, and, while the onus really is on pastors themselves to make sure their behavior toward women in the church is appropriate, there’s no reason women have to make it difficult for them, right? So what can we ladies do to help out our pastors and other brothers at church?

1. Oh, man. Remeber that pastors and Christian brothers are men. No matter how godly they are, they’re subject to all the same temptations as other men, including temptations to lust, touch inappropriately, and even commit adultery. Don’t be lulled into some idyllic complacency that your pastor doesn’t struggle in this area and you don’t have to mind your P’s and Q’s.

2. Trade hugs for handshakes. Maybe you’re just a huggy person in general. You probably don’t mean anything more by hugging a man at church than you do by hugging a woman. But what might it mean or feel like to the man you’re hugging? Maybe that’s something he struggles with. How about offerning a handshake or a pat on the shoulder instead?

3. What Not to Wear. Dress modestly. Yeah, I went there. I’m not going to get into inches of skirt length and all that, just serve your brothers by keeping the girls and the gams sufficiently under wraps. If in doubt, wear something else. If you look like you’re going clubbing instead of to church, wear something else. If it would be too tight or revealing to wear to a funeral without people talking behind your back, wear something else. Sometimes your husband, father, or brother can offer a helpful opinion. They have more experience at looking through a man’s eyes and thinking with a man’s brain than you do.

4. (Don’t) Call me on the line. Don’t exchange personal or numerous phone calls, e-mails, texts, or private social media messages with men. Brief, businesslike, back and forths when absolutely necessary due to mutual projects, meetings, etc., at church are fine, but even those can grow into something inappropriate if you’re not careful.

5. Flirty is for floozies. There’s a fine line between friendly and flirtatious. Locate it and stay on the right side of it.

6. None on one. Do not, under any circumstances, meet alone behind closed doors with your pastor or any other man. That includes your pastor’s office, and it includes pastoral counseling. If he doesn’t insist on another person being present or leaving the door of his office open to a common area where others are around, then you insist on it. Don’t meet in public (a coffee shop, restaurant, etc.) alone with your pastor or any other man, either. That looks like a date to most people.

7. The welcome mat chat. Don’t enter a man’s home if his wife isn’t there, and don’t invite a man inside if your husband isn’t home. Maybe you and the pastor’s wife are friends. You’re out running errands and happen to find yourself in her neighborhood, so you drop by to say hello. It turns out she isn’t home, but her husband is. Keep it to a brief exchange of pleasantries on the porch and go finish your errands. You never know who might be passing by seeing your car in the driveway, but not the pastor’s wife’s car.

Those are just a few of the thoughts I had about some safeguards and precautions we can take to help out our pastors and Christian brothers as well as protect our own hearts and reputations. What say you, ladies (and gentlemen- want to give us the benefit of your experience and wisdom?)? Any other ideas?

Mark Bible Study

Mark: Lesson 17

Michelle Lesley

Previous Lessons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16

Mark 12:1-27

And he began to speak to them in parables. “A man planted a vineyard and put a fence around it and dug a pit for the winepress and built a tower, and leased it to tenants and went into another country.2 When the season came, he sent a servant to the tenants to get from them some of the fruit of the vineyard. 3 And they took him and beat him and sent him away empty-handed. 4 Again he sent to them another servant, and they struck him on the head and treated him shamefully. 5 And he sent another, and him they killed. And so with many others: some they beat, and some they killed. 6 He had still one other, a beloved son. Finally he sent him to them, saying, ‘They will respect my son.’ 7 But those tenants said to one another, ‘This is the heir. Come, let us kill him, and the inheritance will be ours.’ 8 And they took him and killed him and threw him out of the vineyard. 9 What will the owner of the vineyard do? He will come and destroy the tenants and give the vineyard to others. 10 Have you not read this Scripture:

“‘The stone that the builders rejected
    has become the cornerstone;
11 this was the Lord’s doing,
    and it is marvelous in our eyes’?”

12 And they were seeking to arrest him but feared the people, for they perceived that he had told the parable against them. So they left him and went away.

13 And they sent to him some of the Pharisees and some of the Herodians, to trap him in his talk. 14 And they came and said to him, “Teacher, we know that you are true and do not care about anyone’s opinion. For you are not swayed by appearances, but truly teach the way of God. Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, or not? Should we pay them, or should we not?” 15 But, knowing their hypocrisy, he said to them, “Why put me to the test? Bring me a denarius and let me look at it.” 16 And they brought one. And he said to them, “Whose likeness and inscription is this?” They said to him, “Caesar’s.” 17 Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” And they marveled at him.

18 And Sadducees came to him, who say that there is no resurrection. And they asked him a question, saying, 19 “Teacher, Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife, but leaves no child, the man must take the widow and raise up offspring for his brother. 20 There were seven brothers; the first took a wife, and when he died left no offspring. 21 And the second took her, and died, leaving no offspring. And the third likewise. 22 And the seven left no offspring. Last of all the woman also died. 23 In the resurrection, when they rise again, whose wife will she be? For the seven had her as wife.”

24 Jesus said to them, “Is this not the reason you are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God? 25 For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. 26 And as for the dead being raised, have you not read in the book of Moses, in the passage about the bush, how God spoke to him, saying, ‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? 27 He is not God of the dead, but of the living. You are quite wrong.”

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Questions to Consider

1. Briefly review lesson 16 (link above) to refresh your memory on the timing of chapter 12. What two significant events took place in Mark 11? So Jesus’ teachings in chapter 12 took place after what and before what?

2. Review Mark 4:10-12 or lesson 6 (link above). Why did Jesus often teach in parables? How does Mark 12:12 fit with Mark 4:10-12? Why do you think most of Jesus’ parables were agricultural in theme?

3. Examine verses 1-12. Who is the “them” in verse 1 (hint: look back at the end of chapter 11)? In this parable, who is represented by…? (hint: think like the people Jesus is talking to – think Old Testament history)

The vineyard planter/owner (1)

The tenants (1)

The series of servants sent to collect fruit (2,4,5)

The vineyard owner’s rejected son (6)/the rejected stone (10)

What message is Jesus trying to get across to the Jewish leaders (and others who might be listening) with this parable? Compare verses 6-8 with verse 12. Would this have conveyed to the Jewish leaders that Jesus knew what they were plotting?

4. Read Psalm 118:19-27 (from which Jesus quotes {22-23} in verses 10-11) as though you’re one of the Jewish leaders Jesus is telling this parable to, who has just witnessed His triumphal entry (Mark 11/lesson 16). What does Jesus’ careful selection of these verses from a messianic psalm tell you about whom He is claiming to be? Why would the Jewish leaders have “feared the people” (12) and so refrained from arresting Jesus at that time?

5. Who is the “they” in verse 13? Why did “they” want to “trap [Jesus] in His talk” (12)? In order to grasp the import of verses 13-17, it’s necessary to understand who the Herodians were. How does the joining together of Pharisees and Herodians demonstrate the expression, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend”? Why would this particular question about taxes (14) have served to put Jesus at odds with one group or the other? Is it possible they were trying to put Jesus in the same catch 22 they had been in in Mark 11:29-33? What was hypocritical (15) about all the things they said in verse 14? Did they genuinely mean any of these things? Why did they “marvel” at Jesus’ answer? (17)

6. Who were the Sadducees? (18) Why would the Sadducees ask Jesus a question about something they didn’t even believe in? (18,23) When Jesus says people will become “like” angels in heaven (25), does He mean that believers literally become angels when they die? What is Jesus trying to teach the Sadducees about the resurrection in verses 26-27? What does it mean that God is not “God of the dead but of the living”?

7. What might a first century Gentile Christian, or you as a Gentile Christian today, have learned from all of this conflict with the various sects of Jewish leadership?

8. Some people falsely teach that we should never question, challenge, or rebuke pastors and other church leaders, no matter what. How does Jesus, in the first half of chapter 12, demonstrate the importance of rebuking and correcting leaders who act sinfully or teach unbiblical doctrine? Compare how Jesus responded to false teachers and their false doctrine to the way some Christians today say we should respond to false teachers and their false doctrine.

9. Jesus used three different methods of teaching correct doctrine to three different groups of people in today’s passage, but His message of biblical truth and sound doctrine was consistent. Which method did He use to teach the chief priests, scribes and elders in verses 1-12? The Pharisees and Herodians in verses 13-17? The Sadducees in verses 18-27? How does this demonstrate that, in teaching the Bible, it’s helpful to “know your audience” and use wisdom in how you convey the message so that they might best understand it?

Homework

Jesus had no problem teaching sound doctrine and correcting false doctrine, but He used wisdom in the way He went about it with different people. For example, He flat out told the Sadducees twice, “you’re wrong,” (24,27) and “you don’t understand God or Scripture” (24). With the chief priests, scribes, and elders, He told a parable (1-12), and they got the message. Do you teach a Sunday School/Bible Study class, or do you have a friend who believes false doctrine and needs correction? Sit down this week and think about the best method you could use to get the biblical message across to this class or person, considering who they are, their background, personalities, etc.

Suggested Memory Verse

And to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices. Mark 12:33

Evangelism, Movies

Movie Tuesday ~ EXIT: The Appeal of Suicide

Michelle Lesley

 

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, over 44,000 people commit suicide each year. While women are three times more likely to attempt suicide than men, men are 3.5 times more likely to die when attempting suicide.

As Christians, we have the hope of the gospel to offer those who are in despair. Do you know someone struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts? Reach out to that person and offer help and comfort. You can find more resources for your church and for those who need help at theexitmovie.com.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Should Christian women serve as surrogate mothers?

Michelle Lesley

I’m a single mom in my 20s with a small child. I know a couple who is having difficulty conceiving and was thinking about offering to be a surrogate for them. A donor egg will be used, so the child will not be biologically mine. This couple would only be “renting my womb” so to speak. It would mainly be to help them out, but the fee I would be paid would really ease the financial stress I’m under. Would I be sinning if I did this?

Infertility can be a heartbreaking experience. It is very kind and compassionate of you to want to help this couple out.

Whenever we’re trying to make decisions like this, the first thing we need to do is look at what the Bible says about it. The New Testament does not prohibit Christian women from serving as surrogate mothers. However, just because Scripture doesn’t mention something or specifically prohibit it doesn’t mean it’s permissible. We need to consider why surrogacy isn’t addressed in the New Testament.

If surrogacy had been addressed by Paul, Peter, or any of the other New Testament writers, it would have been denounced as sin, because in that time, the only way for a woman to become pregnant was through sexual intercourse, and sex with anyone other than her husband would have been sinful.

We do see instances of “surrogacy” in the Old Testament (Sarah, Rachel, Leah) in the ancient Middle Eastern cultural practice of a barren wife giving her maid to her husband. The child that the maid bore would then be legally considered the child of the husband and his wife. But, in this case, we have to remember that just because Scripture does mention something doesn’t mean it’s OK with God.

God did not instruct Sarah, Rachel, or Leah (or any other infertile Old Testament woman such as Hannah or Samson’s mother) to give their maids to their husbands to serve as surrogates. This was a cultural practice of the time that these women took it upon themselves to participate in without regard to whether or not it was godly. We also need to remember that these are descriptive (simply telling what happened) passages of Scripture, not prescriptive (a command or instruction we’re to follow – more on that here). Furthermore, we need to consider the context of these surrogacies: the maids had no choice in the matter, the pregnancy came about through a sexual act, the child the maid bore was biologically hers, and the maid continued to live in the same household with the husband, wife, and child after the birth, factors, most of which, normally do not apply to modern day surrogacies.

But there is one aspect of most surrogacies that the Bible does speak directly to in a prescriptive way: “You shall not murder.” (Exodus 20:13) Surrogacy is a legally binding contractual agreement between the biological parents and the surrogate, and most surrogacy contracts require the surrogate to agree to abort (sometimes called “selective reduction” or “termination”) any or all of the babies she is carrying at any time and for any reason the biological parents demand it. If that is the case in your situation, the Bible prohibits you from serving as a surrogate under that stipulation.

But even if that is not a requirement of your contract, there are still a couple of principles we can glean from these Old Testament surrogacies that you would do well to consider as you make your decision.

First, as with the Old Testament surrogacies, surrogacy today is a practice of our modern culture. It is not something God affirmatively instructs either couples or potential surrogates to do in response to infertility. The difference is that modern surrogacy does not involve a sexual encounter, so it may be considered as an option by Christians.

Next, even though the Old Testament surrogacies are different from modern day surrogacies in many ways, one thing they both have in common is that unforeseen problems and complications can arise and cause heartache for the surrogate, the couple, and others.

A great guiding principle in making this decision is found in 1 Corinthians 10:23:

“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

In other words, the Bible does not say you’ll be sinning by carrying this couple’s child, but is it the wisest and most godly thing to do in your particular situation? Think about some of those unforeseen problems and complications that could arise:

☙Women do still die in pregnancy and childbirth. What would happen to your own child if you died serving as a surrogate?

☙Many health issues (morning sickness, bed rest, etc.) come along with pregnancy and childbirth. How will these impact your body and your ability to mother your own child, who is your responsibility before the Lord?

☙Will the couple raise this child to know Christ? Could you, in good conscience, bring a child into the world you know will not be raised in a godly home?

☙Hormones run rampant during pregnancy and carrying a child brings with it strong emotions. What if you end up being emotionally devastated to give this child up?

☙What would happen if, during your pregnancy, the couple suddenly becomes unable or unwilling to fulfill their financial responsibility to you? Would you be able to absorb the loss or pursue legal action against them?

☙What happens if one or both of the couple dies in a tragic accident, or becomes direly ill or disabled, or the couple divorces, or some other circumstance occurs during your pregnancy which causes them to be unwilling or unable to take the baby? 

☙What if, prior to birth, the baby is found to have a disability and the couple backs out of the agreement?

☙How will it impact your own child to see you give this baby away? Will he be fearful that you will give him away, too?

I would encourage you to enter into this decision-making process with much prayer, asking God for wisdom and searching His word for guidance. I would also encourage you to set up an appointment with your pastor for counseling on this matter, speak to some godly older women in your church who are mothers, and carefully examine the materials in the “Additional Resources” section below.

Additional Resources:

‘Big Fertility’ & The Truth Behind The Surrogacy Industry with Jennifer Lahl on Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey

IVF, Embryo Adoption & Surrogacy: Answering the Hard Questions with Jennifer Lahl on Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Christian women, Church, Complementarianism, Ministry

Let Me Count the Ways: 75 Ways Women Can Biblically Minister to Others

Michelle Lesley

I recently heard someone remark that, among complementarian Christians, there’s a lot of emphasis on the things women can’t do, biblically, when it comes to ministry, but not much has been written about how women can serve in ministry without violating Scripture.

There are some valid reasons for that.

First, the false teaching of egalitarianism (women can hold any position in ministry that men can hold) is running rampant through the church, even infecting traditionally conservative churches and denominations. It is imperative that Christian men and women who have a biblical understanding of the role of women in the church continue to teach loudly, boldly, and relentlessly against this doctrinal error.

Next, there are so many ways women can serve the body of Christ without violating Scripture that it would be impossible to list all of them. The prohibitions placed on women in ministry are comparatively infinitesimal and, therefore, faster and simpler to dispense with. In other words, it’s quicker and easier to say, “Women can serve in literally any scriptural position or function of ministry in the Body as long as they’re not instructing men in the Scriptures or holding authority over them,” than it is to list every particular ministry women can participate in without transgressing God’s word.

But sometimes our brains get stuck and we need some specific, real world examples to oil the gears and get our own thought processes moving. Especially when we hit that mental roadblock of “Ministry equals only preaching, teaching, and leadership positions. Period.” That’s not all ministry is. In fact, it’s only a tiny part of ministry. God uniquely gifts His people in a variety of ways for a variety of services. And Scripture is very clear that all members of the Body are essential regardless of the role God has called us to. Jesus was the best preacher, teacher, and leader of all eternity, and yet the pinnacle of His ministry was not a sermon, a Bible lesson, or position of leadership. The most important act of ministry Jesus ever performed was to humble Himself and to give His life for sinners. Let’s make sure we think about ministry the way Jesus thought about ministry:

…whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:43b-45

Keeping that in mind, here are just a few of the ways women can freely serve God, their churches, and their neighbors without violating Scripture:

1. Pray for your church, your pastor and staff, your teachers and elders

2.  Teach a women’s Bible study or Sunday School class. (Remember, teaching isn’t the only avenue of ministry, but it is one of them.)

3. Teach a children’s Sunday School or Bible class.

4. Play an instrument in your church’s music ministry.

5. Sing in the choir or on the praise team.

6. Direct a children’s choir.

7. Run the Power Point for song lyrics during the worship service

8. Learn how to run your sanctuary’s sound system and board

9. Help set up and put away chairs for services or classes

10. Be the hero who gets to church early and has the coffee ready when people arrive

11. Serve as a greeter

12. Serve on the security or parking lot duty team

13. Serve in the nursery

14. Volunteer to help out in the church office

15. Serve as a chaperone for a youth trip, fellowship, or other activity

16. Open your home to traveling pastors or missionaries who need a place to stay

17. Volunteer your home for the next church fellowship

18. Organize a potluck dinner for your church or Sunday School class

19. Take some treats up to the church office during the week to encourage the staff

20. Serve in Vacation Bible School

21. Offer to help your pastor vet new Bible study and Sunday School curricula for doctrinal soundness

22. Go on and/or help organize a short term mission trip

23. Organize meals for a new mom or a church member who’s ill

24. Help clean the church kitchen after an activity or event

25. Visit hospitalized church members

26. Visit church members who are shut-ins or in nursing homes

27. Pick up someone who needs a ride to and from church

28. Nursing home residents often have no way to attend church. Organize a way for your church to take church to the nursing home.

29. Many people have difficulty attending church because they’re caretakers for an ill or disabled loved one. Set up a rotation of church members to be sitters so the caretaker can come to church.

30. Mow the church’s grass

31. Serve on a committee

32. Volunteer your IT expertise for the church’s computer system

33. Open your home to a college student who needs a place to live

34. Open your home to a woman in a crisis pregnancy who has nowhere else to go

35. Teach cooking, homemaking, or parenting skills to the younger women of your church.

36. Start an after school tutoring program at your church where kids get help with their homework and hear the gospel.

37. Volunteer at a Christian crisis pregnancy center

38. Organize and serve at a church work day (cleaning, painting, facility maintenance)

39. Donate money, gift cards, gas cards, or hotel vouchers to your church’s benevolence fund

40. Get trained in disaster relief and serve the physical and spiritual needs of those impacted by natural disasters

41. Serve in your church’s food pantry

42. Serve in your church’s clothes closet

43. Help organize fundraisers for missions, youth camp, disaster relief, church needs, etc.

44. If your church decorates the grounds for Christmas or other special events, lend a hand

45. Start a backyard Bible club (Bible lesson, game/activity, snack) at a park, apartment complex, school, or other gathering place near your church

46. Start a women’s prayer group with sisters at church

47. Organize a “mechanic ministry” – church members who can fix and maintain the cars of your church’s widows and single moms

48. Organize a “honey-do ministry” – same idea but for repair jobs around the house

49. Disciple a younger woman one on one

50. Invite new church members over for dinner

51. Be your Sunday School class’ secretary or fellowship organizer

52. Take food baskets to church members who are in need

53. Do baptistry duty (help those being baptized with robes, towels, etc.)

54. Set up a sewing or craft ministry, making items for the elderly, disabled, newborns, the homeless, or missions. This idea is one of my favorites (don’t forget to include the gospel, verbally or in print, with your ministry project items).

55. If your church is in a high traffic area, stand out front on hot days and hand out bottled water and tracts to passers by (be safety conscious). You can also put a sticker or label on the bottle with your church’s info or a web site that gives a gospel presentation.

56. Sit and talk – but mostly listen – to the elderly people in your church. You’ll minister to them, and they’ll minister to you.

57. Serve on your church’s wedding, funeral, or special event team

58. Volunteer to care for small children of wedding or funeral attendees in your church’s nursery during the event

59. Work in your church library, or set one up

60. Organize a Parents’ Night Out so church members with young children can have a couples’ night without the expense of a babysitter

61. Babysit your pastor’s children so he and his wife can have a date night

62. Clergy appreciation month is October. Organize gifts or other demonstrations of appreciation for your pastor, minister of music, associate pastor, youth director, etc. (Make sure none of your ministers are inadvertently overlooked.)

63. Teach an ESL (English as a Second Language) class to minister to church members and others who are learning English.

64. Write letters and e-mails of encouragement to the missionaries your church supports (send care packages too!)

65. Send texts of encouragement to your Sunday School class members

66. Start a birthday card ministry. Pray for each church member as you send out his or her card. In a year, you will have prayed individually for every member of your church.

67. If you’re a health care professional, volunteer to provide basic health or dental screenings to church members in need.

68. Minister to battered women at your local shelter by listening, sharing the gospel, and caring for their material needs.

69. Instead of Toys for Tots, organize a “Bibles for Tots” drive for Christmas. Give young readers Bibles to children at local schools, the mall, or a community event as a Christmas gift from your church.

70. Research and write a book about the history of your church.

71. Help set up for the Lord’s Supper

72. Do laundry duty. Take home towels and robes after baptisms, table cloths after church dinners, costumes after the choir’s musical, etc., launder them, fold them and return them to the church.

73. Go to the grocery store and run other errands for church members unable to do these things for themselves.

74. Run your church’s web site or admin your church’s social media accounts

75. Organize an abortion clinic sidewalk ministry team from your church

As I said, there are so many ways women can biblically participate in ministering to others that there’s no way to even think of all the possibilities. But I’d love to add more ideas to this list.

That’s where you come in!

What are some ways you, women at your church, or women you know at other churches minister to others without teaching or preaching to men and without holding authority over men in the gathered body of Believers? Leave a comment and let’s see how many more ways women can minister biblically!