Marriage

Blog Swap ~ Helpmeet Defined

blog swap

It’s time for another awesome blog swap! Blog swaps give me the opportunity to share other talented bloggers with you, plus offer you fresh content that’s a great supplement to our regular fare here. If you’d like to do a swap, click on the link above for more information.

Today, we’re swapping with Kaylene of Faithful FeatKaylene has written some insightful articles about marriage that will be especially helpful to Christian wives.

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God did not create the woman of lesser value, but rather values her equal to the man. He created the woman as a counterpart to the man, not a doormat, slave or possession.

Click here to continue reading, and don’t forget to subscribe and follow Faithful Feat on social media!

Apologetics, Marriage, Sunday School, Tough Passages

Tackling Tough Issues: Marriage Between Close Relatives in Genesis ~ Sunday School Lesson ~ 1-26-14

sunday schoolThese are my notes from my ladies’ Sunday School class this morning. I’ll be posting the notes from my class here each week. Click here for last week’s lesson.

Through the Bible in 2014 ~ Week 4 ~ Jan. 19-25
Genesis 22-40
Tackling Tough Issues: Marriage Between Close Relatives in Genesis

Last week’s reading- containing the story of Abraham’s marriage to his half-sister, Sarah -brought up the question of why God permitted close relatives to marry in some situations in the book of  Genesis. As we trek through the Bible this year, we will address some of these issues in an apologetic sub-series, “Tackling Tough Issues.”

NOTE: Incest, as we define it today, is a horrific crime. It is never OK with God (or with me) for one person to victimize another in this way. If anything in this lesson seems to indicate otherwise to you, either I have not written clearly enough or you have misunderstood something. If you need clarification, please comment below with your question.

Part of this lesson is taken from the article Why Did God Allow Incest In the Bible? by GotQuestions.org (an awesome resource for questions about the Bible, which I highly recommend). Quotes from the article are in black. My notes are in blue.

Question: “Why did God allow incest in the Bible?”

GotQuestions.org Answers: There are numerous examples of incest in the Bible. The most commonly thought-of examples are the sons/daughters of Adam and Eve (Genesis 4), Abraham marrying his half-sister Sarah (Genesis 20:12), Lot and his daughters (Genesis 19), Moses’ father Amram who married his aunt Jochebed (Exodus 6:20), and David’s son Amnon with his half-sister Tamar (2 Samuel 13). It is important to note, however, that in two of the above instances (Tamar and Lot) one of the parties involved was an unwilling participant in the incest.

1. When labeling something in the Bible with a current-day word such as “incest,” we must take a look at what we mean by the word, and whether or not the author of the passage of Scripture and the characters in the passage would agree with our characterization of their actions by the use of our current-day words. Today, the word “incest” in our society carries some of the following connotations:

1. Incest is a crime. It is against the law.
2. Incest is considered to be disgusting and morally reprehensible by most of society.
3. Incest is usually predatory, non-consensual rape, and the victim is usually a child. (A parent or older sibling/close relative molesting a child.) It is devastating and damaging to the victim.
4. Even incest between consenting adults is looked upon with disgust (and is illegal). These relationships are nearly always hidden. They are not brought out into the light and legitimized by any normal segment of society or by legal marriage.

This way of thinking, and thus the word “incest,” the way we define it, does not apply to most of the situations listed in the paragraph above. 

2. There are some big differences among the instances cited in the paragraph above. The children of Adam and Eve and the marriages of Abraham/Sarah and Amram/Jochebed were marriages by consent, nowhere condemned by God, which took place before the Law was given. In the case of Adam and Eve’s children, there was no other choice for procreation and populating the earth.

In Biblical times, the marriage of Amram and Jochebed was not, and, indeed, today is not, in many parts of the world, considered incest. (It is genetically the same {25% of genetic material shared} as first cousin marriage, (which is legal in 23 states and Washington, D.C.) and is currently legal in Argentina, Australia, Austria, Brazil, France, Malaysia, and Russia.)  In fact, because of the inheritance laws for the Promised Land, people, especially women, generally married someone from their own tribe, to keep their land from being transferred to another tribe and losing their tribe’s inheritance of land (Numbers 36). Someone from one’s own tribe was, by definition, a relative. To the Israelites at that time, aunt/nephew was just a closer relationship than some others would have been. (Please do not misunderstand me. I am not personally advocating or in favor of avunculate or first cousin marriage.)

The incidents with Lot and his daughters and Amnon/Tamar were not marriages and were also non-consensual rape. God did not “allow” (in the sense of giving His approval) this as suggested by the title of the article. In fact, Amnon was murdered by his own brother for raping his sister (2 Samuel 13). Furthermore, the Amnon/Tamar incident occurred long after the Law was given, so Amnon was guilty of breaking the law. Lot’s daughters’ offspring became the Moabites and the Ammonites who later became enemies of Israel.

3. We must remember that any sexuality (lust or sexual acts) that takes place outside the parameters of a marriage between one man and one woman is a sin. (Genesis 2:24, Exodus 20:14) Therefore, if there is no legal marriage in place, any sexual relationship is automatically a sin regardless of the familial relationship between the participants.

4. To my knowledge, we do not see any instances of biological father-daughter or mother-son marriage in the Bible. (Even a step-son/step-mother relationship is condemned in 1 Corinthians 5:1.) The closest biological relationships we know of are brother-sister between Adam and Eve’s children. It is within the realm of possibility that only one such marriage occurred and that after this, marriages were between more distant relatives such as aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and cousins.

5. Considering that some people lived for many centuries prior to the time of Noah (Genesis 6:3) and that there was often a considerable age difference between husbands and wives, even a marriage between two of Adam and Eve’s children may not have been as emotionally and socially “close” (though still biologically close) as we would think of sibling marriage today. Today, siblings are generally close in age, live under the same roof, and grow up together. We can only speculate, but it is possible that the son(s) of Adam and Eve was grown and out of the house before the sister(s), whom he eventually married, was even born.

6. In the case of Abraham, the dispersion of people across the face of the earth after the flood and after the Tower of Babel may have played a part in his choice of his half sister as a wife. People were spreading out, not every family produces daughters, and Sarah may have been the only woman of marriageable age available at the time Abraham needed to marry. Additionally, at that time, when wealthy men had more than one wife (as Abraham’s father did), the wives often had their own tents/houses, separate from one another, and the children lived with their mothers. So, it is likely that, though living near one another, Sarah and Abraham did not grow up under the same roof.

It is important to distinguish between incestuous relationships prior to God commanding against them (Leviticus 18:6-18), and incest that occurred after God’s commands had been revealed. Until God commanded against it, it was not incest. It was just marrying a close relative. It is undeniable that God allowed incest in the early centuries of humanity.

The article just said it wasn’t “incest” until God commanded against it, so a better wording of that last sentence would be: “It is undeniable that God allowed marriage between close relatives in the early centuries of humanity.” God has never “allowed” (in the sense of “approving of”) incest the way we define it today.

If Adam and Eve were indeed the only two human beings God created, their sons and daughters would have had no other choice but to marry and reproduce with their siblings and close relatives. The second generation would have had to marry their cousins, just as after the flood the grandchildren of Noah would have had to intermarry amongst their cousins. The reason incest is so strongly discouraged in the world today is the understanding that reproduction between closely related individuals has a much higher risk of causing genetic abnormalities. In the early days of humanity, though, this was not a risk due to the fact that the human genetic code was relatively free of defects.

It seems, then, that by the time of Moses, the human genetic code had become polluted enough that close intermarriage was no longer safe. So, God commanded against sexual relations with siblings, half-siblings, parents, and aunts/uncles. It was not until many centuries later that humanity discovered the genetic reason that incest is unsafe and unwise. While the idea of incest is disgusting and abhorrent to us today, as it should be, we have to remember why it is sinful, that is, the genetic problems.

Actually, the reason it is sinful is because it is a perversion of, and rebellion against, God’s law (that’s the reason that anything labeled a “sin” is sinful). Genetics may be part of the reason God laid down the prohibition in the first place, but genetic abnormalities in and of themselves are not the reason it is a sin. Sin is sin because it is a breaking of God’s law.

I am not convinced that genetic problems are God’s entire reason for prohibiting marriage between close relatives. One of the reasons, and perhaps the main reason, maybe, but I think there are additional reasons. Otherwise, why, in the case of the step-mother/step-son relationship (where genetics was not an issue, since these two people were biologically unrelated) in 1 Corinthians 5 does Paul react with such disgust and call it, “sexual immorality… and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife… Ought you not rather to mourn?” (v. 1-2) They didn’t even know the science behind genetic abnormalities back then. Also, medical problems do not generally cause this kind of gut-level disgust. That is normally reserved for moral issues.

I believe (and this is a personal opinion, not a statement of biblical truth) that by the time God gave the Levitical laws, the sinful condition of man had degenerated to the point that relationships between close relatives had not only become dangerous genetically, they had also become harmful emotionally, socially, and familially. We have only to look to people we know who are victims of incest to see the devastation that is caused when people break God’s law against incest.

Perhaps, like Job’s friends, we only have one or two pieces of the puzzle, and God is the only one who knows ALL of His reasons behind making marriages between close relatives a sin.

Since this was not an issue in the early centuries of humanity, what occurred between Adam and Eve’s children, Abraham and Sarah, and Amram and Jochebed, should not be viewed as incest. Again, the key point is that sexual relations between close relatives must be viewed differently pre-Law and post-Law. It did not become “incest” until God commanded against it.
© Copyright 2002-2014 Got Questions Ministries.

When we face difficult biblical issues like this one, it’s important to go back to what we were talking about last week and remember God’s sovereignty. He is all-knowing (omniscient), all-powerful (omnipotent), and everything is under His control.

God is perfect and always does what is right:
The Rock, his work is perfect,
    for all his ways are justice.
A God of faithfulness and without iniquity,
    just and upright is he.
Deuteronomy 32:4

When we don’t understand God’s ways, it’s not that God is wrong, it’s that (like Job’s friends) we don’t have complete understanding and knowledge of the situation.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9

When we don’t understand something, we are to trust God about it, knowing that He does all things well.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5

And they were astonished beyond measure, saying, “He has done all things well. 
Mark 7:37a

Additional Resource:
Cain’s Wife: Who Was She? by Answers In Genesis

Marriage, Sunday School, Women

Godly Womanhood – Sex, Marriage, Singleness, and Divorce ~ Sunday School Lesson ~ 12-8-13

sunday school

These are my notes from my ladies’ Sunday School class this morning. I’ll be posting the notes from my class here each week. Click here for last week’s lesson.

Godly Womanhood – Sex, Marriage, Singleness, and Divorce
1 Corinthians 7

Background on 1 Corinthians:
Written by Paul to the church in Corinth (in southern Greece) circa A.D. 55. Aphrodite (Greek goddess of love) worship was the major religion.  Gross immorality and drunken debauchery included: fornication, adultery, homosexuality, polygamy, concubinage, prostitution, and incest. Ch. 7 was in response to a previous letter from the church to Paul asking questions about marriage/sex.

7:1-2- What is the Corinthians’ question? Why would they ask this? How did Paul answer?

v. 1- Paul is restating a quote from their letter, not giving instruction himself. Because of the extent of the sexual corruption in Corinth (most in the church had grown up in this environment and didn’t know any differently), the baby Corinthian church has a skewed, confused understanding of sex and thinks maybe Christians should stay away from it altogether (even inside marriage). Paul has to hit the “reset button” on their theology of sex and show them it is a good gift of God in its proper context.

7:2-5- Parameters for a biblical theology of sex:

1. Sex is only to take place between a man and a woman who are married to each other. (2ff)

V. 2- “Each man his own wife/woman her own husband.” V.3ff all continue to assume sex inside heterosexual marriage as evidenced by the terms “husband”/”wife”. This automatically precludes homosexuality, prostitution, adultery, fornication, etc.

2. Both husband and wife have a right to reasonably expect regular sex in their marriage (3).  (Assuming the health and capability of both.)

Notice that the husband is mentioned first- emphasizing that the husband should fulfill the wife’s sexual needs, not just his own. As in all other aspects of marriage, we serve each other unselfishly, and don’t use each other for our own gratification.

3. Sex is a gift that both spouses should give generously, and as an act of love and service, to one another (4).

This is the other side of the coin to #2. There should be a healthy and mutually agreeable balance, but we are not to be stingy in responding to requests for sex. Sex shouldn’t be dependent on the whims of “mood”. God gave us our bodies to serve in all aspects of our marriages, including sex.

Think about it: there are a lot of times we don’t especially feel like doing the dishes, cleaning up after the kids, etc., but we do it anyway and with a good attitude. What does it say to our husbands when they see us doing all those things because they’re important, but constantly turning down sex because we’re “not in the mood”? What if he constantly wasn’t “in the mood” to say “I love you,” or listen to you when you need to talk?

Notice that the wife is mentioned first here for emphasis as this can be an area more in need of improvement for women than men.

4. Do not deprive one another (5).

Sex, as in #3, is a gift we freely and lovingly give to one another. It is not a weapon, a reward, a bribe, or a bargaining chip. Would we use food as a reward, bribe, weapon, etc? Any break in normal sexual activity must be by mutual agreement, and even then only for a short time for SPIRITUAL PURPOSES. (Again, assuming the health of both. This particular verse doesn’t address the incapacitation of a spouse.)

5. A godly sex life inside of marriage is a safeguard against temptation to sexual immorality (2, 5-9).

Yes, there is sexual temptation even in the best of marriages, but how much more would there be without a godly sexual relationship in marriage? We are not just serving a physical need, but also a spiritual one- helping each other avoid temptation.

Being single is a good gift of God, and there are advantages to it (later in chapter), but if the temptation to immorality is too great, it is better to get married and have that sexual outlet in place.

7:10-11- We are not to desire and seek out divorce. Related passages: Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-9, Genesis 2:24, Malachi 2:16

“Not, I but the Lord” Paul is reiterating what God has already spoken. Repentance and reconciliation is God’s desire, not divorce.

7:12-14, 16- What if one spouse isn’t saved? Related passage: 1 Peter 3:1-2

“I, not the Lord”: New revelation. God had not previously spoken on this. New Corinthian believers were confused and thought perhaps they should divorce unsaved spouses to marry saved ones. Just as 1 Pet. 3 says, spouses and children can be won to Christ through the testimony/behavior of the saved spouse.

“Made holy” doesn’t equal “vicariously saved.” It means God will be working in lost spouse’s/children’s lives toward salvation through the testimony of the saved spouse. They will also benefit from the blessings that go along with being married to someone who is saved (having a spouse who is faithful, kind, forgiving, etc.) and constant exposure to the gospel.

7:15- God does not hold divorce against a Christian (as sin) in this situation.

There are only two instances for “biblical divorce”: Infidelity (see Matthew passages above) and an unbelieving spouse leaving. In this situation, it is not the Christian seeking divorce, but the lost spouse. The Christian is a victim of divorce, not the initiator. The Christian spouse should be living in obedience to the Lord and doing everything he/she can to keep the marriage together, but notice: “God has called you to peace” Every situation is different, but a point comes when continuing to fight for the marriage can violate the peace God calls you to, and you have to let go and leave things in God’s hands.

7:17-24- God saves people “where they’re at” for a reason.

God knows the situation/time of your life you’re in when He saves you. One reason for this is so that people in your life (spouse, co-workers, friends, etc.) can see the results of Christ saving you, which can open the door for you to share the gospel with them. God doesn’t save you just to save you- He saves you to save the people around you. One of those people could be your lost spouse.

Unless your hobbies/job/friends are inherently sinful (you’re a hit man who likes to hang out with dope dealers at the strip club), you don’t necessarily have to dump everything in your life when you get saved. You don’t have to quit your job to become a missionary or dump all your old friends and replace them with church friends. You could be how God saves them.

7:6-9, 25-40- Singleness and marriage are both good gifts given to different people for God’s sovereign purposes.

Marriage is a good gift for protecting from temptation and for raising Godly children. Singleness has the wonderful advantage of allowing one to concentrate more time on prayer, study, and ministry.

Additional Resources:

What Are Biblical Grounds for Divorce? from GotQuestions.org

The Best Thing Out There on Singleness from CBMW

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

Fireproof (movie)

Marriage, Sanctification, Sunday School, Women

Godly Womanhood – Submission ~ Sunday School Lesson ~ 11-24-13

sunday school

These are my notes from my ladies’ Sunday School class this morning. I’ll be posting the notes from my class here each week. Click here for last week’s lesson.

Godly Womanhood – Submission
Ephesians 5

Background on Ephesians:

Written by: Paul in A.D. 60-62, from prison in Rome (prison epistle)

To: The church at Ephesus. See Acts 19.

5:1-21– What is the main idea of this section as summed up in verses 1-2?

5:22-23– What does it mean to submit? What does it NOT mean?

1. Greek: hupotasso. Hupo- “under”. Tasso- “Arrange in an orderly manner to a certain position.” Military term

2. Submission does not mean all women submit to all men. (v. 22)

3. Submission is not just for wives whose husbands are Christians. (1 Peter 3:1-2; 1 Corinthians 7:12-16)

4. Submission is not permission for domestic violence.

Domestic violence is serious sin on the husband’s part. Submission is something women lovingly and from a position of power CHOOSE to GIVE, just as Christ, from a position of power, chose to lay down His life for us (John 10:18). If a husband is forcing or demanding submission, it is no longer submission, it is oppression. It’s not a gift, it’s being stolen. The church has a weighty responsibility to act in DV situations, making sure women are safe and men are held accountable. God’s word in no way condones domestic violence or even suggests that women should stay in a dangerous situation. If you are in danger, let your pastor or a trusted friend know so that we can help you!

5. Submission, like a husband’s self-sacrificing love, is about dying to self (Matthew 16:24-25), turning the other cheek, and going the extra mile (Matthew 5:38-42).

5:23-32– Marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and His church.

1. V. 23-24- The husband signifies Christ. The wife signifies the church.

2. V. 25- Christ loved the church enough to sacrifice Himself for her.

3. V. 26-27- Christ’s desire is what’s best for the church.

4. V. 28-31- Christ nourishes and cherishes the church.

5. V. 32-33- Christian marriage shows the world the relationship between Christ and His church.

Since none of our husbands love us perfectly as Christ loves the church perfectly, there will be many times when we will need to extend grace and forgiveness.

Forgiving as Jesus Has Forgiven Us

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

To forgive as Jesus forgave, we must remember that the act of forgiveness takes place before the offender’s repentance. (Romans 5:8; 2:4)

To forgive as Jesus forgave, our mercies must be new every morning, just as His are. (Lamentations 3:21-24)

When we pray that God will make us more like Jesus, we have to remember that “He was despised and rejected by men…a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” (Isaiah 53:3) and that, “Although He was a son, He learned obedience through what He suffered.” (Hebrews 5:8) And, yet, He was still forgiving to those who caused the suffering.

When Jesus said, “Father forgive them” from the cross, He knew that the people who put Him there had not repented, and many never would. Most would go to their graves thinking they had done the right thing. Still, Jesus demonstrated a heart of forgiveness in the moment, and left the final accounting for their sin to His Father (Luke 23:34).

“Vengeance is mine. I will repay,” says the Lord (Romans 12:19). “To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.” (Romans 12:20) We are to “love [our] enemies and pray for those who persecute [us].” (Matthew 5:44). Leave God to deal with his heart. We must do what God has commanded us to do, regardless of circumstances.

When people came to Christ in repentance, He didn’t hold a grudge, punish, or demand penance. He didn’t keep a mental list of the ways people had sinned against Him to bring up as ammunition at a later time (1 Corinthians 13:5) . He graciously, lovingly, and completely forgave from the heart.

Additional Resources

Christianity + Submissive Wives = Domestic Violence? by Georgia Purdom

Genesis, Wifely Submission, and Modern Wives by Georgia Purdom

Marriage, Sanctification, Sunday School, Women

Godly Womanhood – Introduction ~ Sunday School Lesson ~ 11-3-13

sunday school

These are my notes from my ladies’ Sunday School class this morning. I’ll be posting the notes from my class here each week. Click here for last week’s lesson.

Godly Womanhood – Introduction

I. Proverbs 31

A. Structure

1. Two oracles, or poems

a. v. 2-9: The Wise King

b. v. 10-31: The Excellent Wife

2. Descriptive, rather than prescriptive, passage

B. The “cast” of Proverbs 31

1. Solomon

2. King Lemuel

3. King Lemuel’s mother

4. The excellent wife/woman

C. What can we learn from this passage that God desires of women and values in them?

An excellent woman…

1. …is rare (1)

2. …is precious (1)

3. …is trusted by her husband and is trustworthy in general (3, 11)

4. …loves her husband and treats him well (12)

5. …takes the initiative and works willingly, not resentfully (13,24

6. …works diligently, and isn’t lazy (14,18,19,22, 27)

7. …puts her family’s, and others’, needs ahead of her own (15)

8. …is organized and plans ahead (16,21)

9. …tries to contribute to bettering her family’s situation (16)

10. ..is strong (17,25)

11. ..helps the needy (20)

12. ..is the “woman behind the man,” and is admired by others for her character (23)

13. ..is characterized by dignity (25)

14. ..is characterized by wisdom and kindness, and grows others in these qualities through parenting and mentoring (26)

D. Results of being a woman of excellence

1. Gratitude from husband and children (28-29)

2. The rewards of her hard work and good character (31)

3. God is pleased (30)

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (30)

“The Woman is the Neck” from My Big Fat Greek Wedding

The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood