Category: Mailbag

Holidays (Other), Mailbag

The Mailbag: Halloween vs. Yoga?

Michelle Lesley

I read your article Should Christians Participate in Halloween? and I am hoping to get a point cleared up in my head. I don’t want to be legalistic, and hope not to come across that way. I am just very confused about it. I agree with you on every other theological point. But I don’t see this as [adiaphora] in the same way I don’t see practicing yoga as [adiaphora]. I asked you this same question last year and did not get a reply. Maybe I asked in an offensive way. Honestly want clarity on this issue. How is partaking in any way with a pagan practice any different than practicing yoga? Thanks in advance.

This is a really great question. I appreciate how you’re thinking this through and wanting to be biblically consistent. I want to be biblically consistent, too, so let’s dig into this:

I asked you this same question last year and did not get a reply. Maybe I asked in an offensive way.

Let me quickly address this point of policy first. Although I don’t respond to people who come after me in an angry, argumentative, attacking way, that isn’t the only reason I don’t respond to emails, messages, comments, etc. In fact, it’s not even the main reason, because that’s a very small percentage of the correspondence I receive. So it’s very unlikely that’s the reason I didn’t respond to your question. (I apologize, but I don’t remember receiving the question.)

The main reason I don’t respond to most of the correspondence I receive is that I simply don’t have time. If you’d like a longer explanation about that, click here.

How is partaking in any way with a pagan practice any different than practicing yoga?

It isn’t. “Partaking in a pagan practice” is the reason yoga is unbiblical.

But that’s not what my Halloween article said nor what it was about. I know you actually read the article, and I really appreciate that, but a lot of people either didn’t read the article and only responded (vehemently) to the title of it, or they skipped, missed, or didn’t understand these very clear statements in the opening paragraphs:

…Halloween activities available to you that do not violate scriptural principles or your conscience or cause you to become a stumbling block to someone weaker in the faith…

Please understand that when I say [should Christians participate in?] “Halloween-related activities,” I am including things like handing out candy and tracts to your neighborhood trick-or-treaters, participating in your church’s trunk or treat {assuming no sin is being committed and the gospel is being shared}, etc.

The article in no way suggests that it’s OK for Christians to take part in paganism or sin. It just doesn’t. In fact, the Scriptures I quote in the article as well as my commentary on them, and all of the additional resources at the end of the article explicitly say that Christians are not to take part in those kinds of things.

But sharing the gospel with the children who come to your door, the acquaintances you talk with in your yard, the neighbors your kids trick-or-treat from, or the families who drop by your church’s candy-fest because it’s safe and non-scary is not, in any conceivable way, sinful, demonic, unChristian, celebrating Satan, or any of the other epithets that come my way every year when I run that article. And it certainly isn’t participating in paganism. How could sharing the gospel in any circumstance be demonic or any of those other things? It’s blasphemous to say such a thing.

Dear sister who sent in the question, I know you didn’t mean it that way, but please indulge me a tangent for a moment: I think some of the others who commented on the article didn’t think things through enough to realize this is what they were inadvertently saying with their broad brush remarks – that sharing the gospel in the midst of evil is itself evil.

Do we not remember that Jesus was a guest in the homes of prostitutes, tax collectors, and sinners – as evil an environment to the “Christians” of His day as Halloween is to Christians today? Do we not remember it was the Pharisees who rebuked Him for doing so and for (supposedly) defiling Himself?

Jesus didn’t defile Himself by going into those homes because He wasn’t participating in, nor approving of, any sin which took place there. He met those people where they were, called them to repentance, and planted the seeds of the gospel. And that’s exactly what many Christians do on Halloween. (And they often receive from their fellow Christians the same Pharisaical judgment Jesus received.)

And this is the crux of the answer to your question, my sister. Participating in dark, evil, pagan, or debaucherous aspects of Halloween is just as wrong as participating in yoga. How is participating in non-sinful aspects of Halloween different from participating in yoga?

Think of it this way: A kid rings your doorbell on Halloween. You hand him a tract and some candy. That tract is the good news that the celebration of death, evil, and darkness all around him is wrong and that Jesus is the light of the world and the Lord of life. You’re leveraging the good news of the gospel against the evil, pagan, and sinful aspects of Halloween. When you do yoga, you’re taking part in paganism, cooperating with it, and tacitly approving of it – not fighting against it.

I don’t see [Halloween] as [adiaphora] in the same way I don’t see practicing yoga as [adiaphora].

That’s good, because while participating in non-sinful aspects of Halloween, such as the aforementioned, is an issue of adiaphora (Christian liberty), participating in the pagan (Hindu) worship ritual of yoga is not, so you shouldn’t see them the same way.

All of this, of course, is not to say that you can’t avoid Halloween altogether if it makes you uncomfortable. You don’t have to take part in your church’s fall fest or hand out tracts at your door. You can go out to dinner, go to a Reformation Day worship service, go to bed early, or whatever you like. But what you can’t do is bind the consciences of your brothers and sisters in Christ who want to do something on Halloween that isn’t sinful and might even be evangelistic. You cannot unbiblically judge them by your personal convictions. And you certainly can’t call them names or question their salvation as I’ve had the misfortune of seeing some professing Christians do. You have to follow your biblically-informed conscience on issues of Christian liberty. Your brothers and sisters have to follow their own consciences. You will answer to God for your decisions. They will answer to God for theirs.

Additional Resources:

Christian Liberty at A Word Fitly Spoken

Christian Liberty with Michelle Lesley at Echo Zoe Radio

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

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The Mailbag: When is it OK to leave a church that’s begun embracing false doctrine?

Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 12, 2016

The elders and pastor of my church have made it clear that they aren’t interested in my husband’s and my concerns about, among other problems, a new women’s study (by a false teacher) starting this month. He told me he would read the articles I sent him but that I was wrong. Is it OK to leave this church, and, if so, when? How long do we wait and not see change?

That’s a great question, and I’m afraid there’s no “one size fits all” answer. When a church begins slipping, biblically, and there’s a Christian in that church who’s wise and discerning enough to see it, God has put that Christian in that church to help biblically solve that problem, or at least to serve as a prophetic warning as to what God’s Word says about the issue and what will happen if the church does not correct its course.

Our very first priority in this situation is prayer. We must pray fervently for God to change the hearts of the pastors and other leaders, for wisdom to know how to best approach the problem scripturally, and for God to give us wisdom about how long to stay and when to leave. (For us married ladies, that decision ultimately falls to our husbands, so we need to be praying for them, too.)

When you’ve done what you can to help biblically solve the problem(s) and have consistently been rebuffed (and it sounds like that’s about where you and your husband are with this church), it may be time to leave. It is perfectly biblical to leave a church that is embracing false doctrine despite scriptural warnings (Titus 3:10-11, Romans 16:17-18, 2 John 9-11, 2 Corinthians 11:12-15, Mark 6:11, Matthew 7:6).

Sometimes, God will make it exceedingly clear as to when you should leave because the church will ask you to leave or, in some way, make it impossible for you to stay.

It sounds like you and your husband have tried to help this church. Just continue to pray for your church and its leadership, and for wisdom (especially for your husband) about staying or leaving. Then trust God to direct you (Proverbs 3:5-6).

If you do end up having to leave, make sure you immediately begin your search for a doctrinally sound church to attend. No church is perfect, but we need to obey God’s mandate to be faithful members of a local body of believers.

Additional Resources:

The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?

The Mailbag: How to Leave a Church

Searching for a new church?

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Christian online platforms…Home church…”I lost my temper”…Send in your pix!)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

I wanted to ask your opinion on which web host would be suitable to use for an online business? I have an online store and I currently use WIX, however, I recently found out they monetarily fund and support LGBTQ events and such. I don’t want our money going to support that. I did a lot of research and prayed, but I can’t for the life of me find a provider that is conservative. I know there will most likely be things I don’t agree with with pretty much any worldly web hosting company, but where do I draw the line? Is God okay with paying a web host who uses their funds to support anti-Biblical issues? I’m convicted of continuing to use WIX and I don’t want to continue with them. I originally left ETSY for the same reason. I just don’t know where to move my website! I would need an e-commerce provider too since I sell stuff. If you don’t mind me asking, who do you use? I see your website is Word Press, but I know you need a host for that too.

(Readers, if you have any suggestions of conservative and/or Christian blog or e-commerce platforms, please leave a comment at the end of this article.)

I completely sympathize with your dilemma. I don’t like my money going to support sinful causes like perversion, abortion, liberal politics, etc., either. You’re right, I do use WordPress for the blog, but they host it themselves. I don’t have a separate host, and I don’t do e-commerce, so I’m afraid I don’t have any practical suggestions there.

You’re correct, pretty much everything you pay for, whether it’s an online platform, the gas you put in your car, your pooch’s favorite dog food, even the device you’re reading this on right now, is owned or produced by a secular company that’s donating to or financing something that’s biblically objectionable. Even most so-called “Christian” companies probably support people or ministries that aren’t doctrinally sound. In practical terms, finding a company to patronize that doesn’t contribute to something unbiblical is almost as unlikely as finding a mermaid or a unicorn.

I can’t tell you where to draw the line – that’s a conclusion you (and your husband, if you’re married) will have to come to through prayer and listening to your biblically informed conscience – with each company you consider, but I think you may find some of the principles in my article The Mailbag: Should Christians Participate in Boycotts? to be helpful.

“Is God okay with paying a web host who uses their funds to support anti-Biblical issues?” Well, consider this – It’s not precisely the same thing as buying a product or service from a private company, but Jesus paid the temple tax, and we know from His clearing of the temple, His many rebukes of the scribes and Pharisees, and the fact that the temple leadership had Jesus crucified that He was well aware of the evil that tax money ended up supporting. And when the Pharisees asked Jesus, “Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” while their motive was to trap Jesus, the basis of this particular question they chose was probably similar to the basis of your question (not saying you’re a Pharisee – please don’t misunderstand): “Should God’s people give money to a pagan who does ungodly things?”. And Jesus’ answer was that they should pay their taxes. Like I said, it’s not exactly the same thing because taxes are an obligation and blog platforms are not, but it is something to study and consider.

Pray about it, trust God to guide you, and don’t sin against your conscience. You may also want to take a look at the principles for decision-making in my article Basic Training: 8 Steps to Finding God’s Will for Your Life.

My husband and I live in Canada. When the government placed our small town under lockdown due to COVID, not one church here remained open. Now that things have opened back up slightly, we are hesitant to join ourselves to a church that might, at any given time, close their doors at the whim of our government officials. Additionally, there are very few churches in our area and we have doctrinal concerns about all of them. But this leaves us without a church home.

We have started meeting together on the Lord’s Day with nearly 30 other like-minded brothers and sisters. We fervently seek the Lord’s wisdom and guidance and do not want to be disobedient in any way. We want to please the Lord in our worship together. My husband and I never conceived of starting a church, we just wanted to obey our Lord in continuing to gather as the church body when the “church institution” failed us. I’m desperate for guidance and have no idea where to turn to for help.

Well, sister, I’ve got good news for you. You do have a church home. You have a home church church home. When the church started out in the book of Acts, it existed in the form of groups of like-minded believers who met together in homes, often in secret, hiding from a persecutory government. The church is not the building, but the body of Believers meeting together in person for the study and preaching of the Word, baptism, the Lord’s Supper, prayer, worship, fellowship, and practicing the “one anothers”. In many parts of the world home churches are still the normal expression of the church due to persecution, and as persecution continues to increase, so will the underground church.

I’ve never started a church either, but let me see if I can point you to some resources that can help:

First, go to the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. Next:

  • Carefully comb through every single church search engine listed there to make absolutely sure you haven’t overlooked a doctrinally sound, established church within achievable driving distance of your house. (Home churches can be very susceptible to false doctrine, so you want to make every effort to join yourself to an established, doctrinally sound church if at all possible.)
  • If there simply does not exist an established, doctrinally sound church you can get to (even if it may not be terribly convenient) each week, scroll down to the “Church Planting” section, get in touch with Grace Advance, explain your situation, and ask them for help. Church planting is what they do, and I’m certain they can give you better guidance than I can.
  • As you’re going through this process of getting in touch with Grace Advance and following their counsel, read through all of the information under What to look for in a church (especially the links in the second paragraph of Six Questions for a Potential Church), so the men leading your home church understand, and perhaps can begin codifying a doctrinal statement on these issues for your home church. It may also be helpful to visit the websites of churches you know to be doctrinally sound and read through their statements of faith (sometimes called “doctrinal distinctives,” “what we believe,” “what we teach,” “constitution and by-laws,” etc.).

May God richly bless you and your church.

I recently lost my temper with a store employee and made a scene over something very stupid. It is a large corporate store and not one I frequent often, but this young woman is most likely from my surrounding area, and thus, I feel like I did not treat a neighbor well. I have prayed and asked God to forgive me for shaming His name and for treating another person badly for something that was not her fault. What else can I do? I feel terrible. I let my emotions overcome me, and it was completely unbecoming of a Christian woman.

Wow, praise God.

No, seriously…this is something to praise God for. Praise God that He convicted you of this sin. That’s one of the evidences that you’re a Believer and that the Holy Spirit is working in your life. Praise God that your heart is tender to that conviction and you want to do what’s pleasing to Him. Another evidence that you’re a Believer. Praise God that through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, He has indeed forgiven you for this sin and you stand righteous before Him. (You do need to accept and believe His forgiveness if that’s part of the reason you’re still feeling terrible.)

I would suggest you go back to the store, locate the employee, repent to her and ask her forgiveness. I would also suggest taking a small “peace offering,” like a gift card to a local coffee shop or maybe a batch of brownies you’ve made. You could also include a tract or a small gospel booklet. Frame your apology to her in a gospel-centered way, and, hopefully, this will turn into a witnessing encounter.

This last one isn’t a question submitted by a reader, but rather a request from me! :0)

If you or your women’s Bible study group are working through one of my Bible studies, I’d love it if you’d send me a picture of yourself or the group studying or discussing it. And if you could somehow include the title image for the study (see below) in the picture – maybe with everybody gathered around the image on a screen, or everybody holding it up on their phones, or print out a copy of the image and hold it up, or something like that – that would be fantastic. (These pictures will probably be shared on my blog and/or social media, so make sure everybody in the picture is OK with that.)

You can email the pictures to me here.

These are the title images from some of my studies. You can find them at the top of each lesson:

You can always find all of my Bible studies at the Bible studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

Thank you!

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

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The Mailbag: Potpourri (Ministry oversight…Elliot/ten Boom preached to men…G3…Alt-her-ing Scripture)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

Hello! I’ve just found you while looking for theologically sound Bible studies. I’m thankful to find your resources and look forward to reading further!

So far you’ve checked all my boxes in looking for someone who is seeking to be faithful to the Word. I would assume in being a proponent of complementarianism, that you are in a church that allows you, as a woman in ministry, to submit to the pastors and/or elders of your church… Can you please clarify this? In other words, are you receiving oversight outside yourself in your ministry? One reason I’m asking is our church has an elder that is over all our women’s ministries and find that as a good discernment check.

Also, where do you live? That question isn’t terribly important; I’m just curious.

I live in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. (You can find out more about me in the Bio tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.)

This is a super question, and I’ve received it a few times in the past, but I’d like to tweak it just a bit if that’s OK.

It’s certainly not a bad thing for a woman in a parachurch ministry like mine to have her doctrinally sound pastor and elders or some sort of ministry board oversee her ministry if she and her husband and pastor and elders all mutually agree that it would be beneficial. And if God miraculously gave my pastors several more hours in the day that they didn’t know what to do with and they called me and said, “Hey, we’d like to volunteer to do this for you,” I’d probably take them up on it.

But what I’d like to clarify is that, while this may or may not be a wise and helpful arrangement, it isn’t a requirement of Scripture (and I’m not saying that you think it is) for women or men in parachurch ministries, complementarianism notwithstanding. What Scripture requires is that all church members submit to the leadership of their pastor and elders:

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you. Hebrews 13:17

As a member of my church, I certainly strive to obey this instruction. And if my blogging / podcasting / speaking ministry were a ministry of my church, like the women’s ministry of your church, it would definitely fall under the purview of my pastors.

But it isn’t. My ministry is discrete from my church just like any other church member’s job or business. Furthermore, I’ve been a member of four different churches since I started my ministry, and, sad to say, some of those pastors and leaders weren’t even biblically qualified for their own ministries, never mind overseeing mine.

Next, it depends on what you mean by “oversee”. If you mean – Do I submit all of my articles, podcast notes, and teaching materials to my pastors for approval before I publish, podcast, or speak at an event? Do I check with them every time I make a decision? – no, and I would never think of asking them to do all of that. They’re busy being pastors. And, if my writing, teaching, and decision-making were so suspect that I needed them to do that, or that they felt they needed to do that, I would have no business writing and teaching on biblical topics.

Now, there have been a few times when I’ve asked for their input or advice. One time, I needed a little clarity on a certain passage. Another time (due to spiritual abuse at a previous church), I was super anxious that something I was writing might upset my pastors, so I ran it by one of them, and he essentially said, “That’s the same thing we believe. Calm down. We trust you.”.

And that’s basically the long and short of it. They know what I think, I know what they think, we’re pretty much on the same page about everything, biblically, and they trust me. And the same goes for my husband. And I trust that if I ever write anything that’s unbiblical or needs correction, they’ll let me know, and I’ll fix it. 

Where do you place speakers such as Elisabeth Elliot, Corrie ten Boom and the like who, while they spoke to audiences that included men, did not seem to be cut from the same cloth that some female speakers of today seem to be? Do you feel they were appropriate in speaking to mixed gender audiences?

Several people have asked me this about Elisabeth Elliot recently, so it’s possible there’s something making the rounds about her that I’m not aware of, but I think there’s an aspect of this question that’s really important for all of us to key in on:

God is no respecter of persons, and we shouldn’t be, either.

If something is a sin, it’s a sin – and it doesn’t matter who’s committing it. It’s just as much a sin for Elisabeth Elliot to preach to or teach the Bible to men as it is for Beth Moore as it would be for you or for me.

And it appears that Elisabeth Elliot1 did, in fact, make a practice of committing this sin. (Here are some videos of her preaching/teaching the Bible with men clearly present in the audience: here at 1:06, here from 0:00 and at 12:38, here from 0:00, here at 1:32, and there are many others.) So, at least in that one respect, she was “cut from the same cloth that some female speakers of today seem to be.”

Apparently, there were other serious problems with Elisabeth’s doctrine as well. From the article, Courage to Be Catholic?:

“[Elisabeth] continued, “…my brother…entered the Catholic Church some years ago. I only wish I had his courage.”…she admired the decision I had made to enter the Church, as her dear brother had! After she had sung the praises of the Catholic Church for several minutes, I worked up the nerve to ask Elisabeth why she did not follow in her brother’s footsteps. “Cowardice, I suppose. My listeners and readers simply would not understand.”

Of course they wouldn’t. Catholic doctrine is heretical.

It’s harder to decipher (at least from YouTube videos) whether or not Corrie ten Boom preached and taught Scripture to mixed audiences, but so far as I can tell, she did. Corrie is generally known for giving her personal testimony, and that’s not normally a violation of Scripture for a woman (see #14 here) unless she veers off into actual preaching. However there are several YWAM (Youth With A Mission) training videos like this one (0:49) which show a man and women on the stage with Corrie as she teaches them a biblical topic, videos which, I can only assume, were used to train both male and female YWAM staff.

And, in a video entitled The Holy Spirit Gives Power (June 8, 2016) the man introducing Corrie says at 2:55, “she has toured the world preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ, winning many to Christ by both her writing and her preaching” and she goes on to preach to what sounds like a rather large audience, which, it seems unlikely, was restricted to women. (Further, the man introducing her sounds very much like Billy Graham to me, and if Billy Graham ever introduced a woman speaker for a women’s only event, that’s news to me.)

Perhaps even more disturbing was Corrie’s appearance on Kathryn Kuhlman’s show. Kathryn was a rank heretic: a female preacher, faith healer, and, essentially, one of the “founding fathers” of what is now the New Apostolic Reformation.

I don’t think anybody asking this question is intentionally saying or thinking that there’s a different standard for our heroes in the faith than for us regular old ordinary Christians, but it’s a sneaky little mindset that can weasel its way in without our even noticing it. We need to keep a couple of things in mind:

First – Surviving a horrific experience, even with great faith, doesn’t automatically make a person biblically discerning, doctrinally sound, or qualified to teach the Bible.

Second- As doctrinally sound Christians, we need to be really careful not to do the exact same thing that disciples of false teachers often do: let our sentimentality or love for an evangelical legend override biblical standards and commands, or give our favorite teachers a pass on sin.

I’ve addressed this subject further in my article Stricter Judgment, Even for MY Favorite Teacher.

1Big thank you’s to my dear friend Elizabeth Prata (an Elizabeth you should be following) for the heads up on much of this info about Elisabeth Elliot.

Will you be at the G3 Conference? I’ll be there, and I’d like to meet you!

Sadly, no, and I’m kinda bummed about that, because, not only is G3 a fantastic conference, it seems like all of my buddies that I hardly ever get to see are going to be there.

I have a conference of my own in Montana the weekend before G3 and another in California the weekend after G3, so I’m already going to miss those two Sundays at my own church, plus I don’t like leaving my family any more than I absolutely have to.

I will be in Heaven eventually, though, and we’ll all have eternity to meet and greet and fellowship together as we worship around the Throne. So, if I don’t see you here, I’ll see you Hereafter. :0)

I have a dear friend in Christ who I know loves Jesus, trusts Him, and knows her Bible. However, she sent me something recently that really made me curious and I want to know if out of love, I should discuss with her.

What she sent me was this: The Lord’s beloved rests securely on Him. He shields (her) all day long, and (she) rests on His shoulders. Deuteronomy 33:12.

It was on a pink background with very pretty script. But I believe it’s wrong to alter Scripture to make it about me, as a woman. If God meant for it to say “her” or “she” He would have made sure it did. Am I being petty, or reading too much into a simple daily devotion thing that my friend I’m sure meant nothing but love by sending to me?

No, you’re not being petty or legalistic, you just have a higher view of Scripture and better hermeneutics than she does, and you’re right. Who in the name of arrogance are we to alter or adulterate God’s written Word so it’s more pleasing to us? There are actually two issues here:

First of all, there are many passages of Scripture which use universal male pronouns to mean everybody, humankind, men and women. For example (I just picked this one at random), Psalm 8:4:

what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?

Obviously, “man” and “him” in this verse don’t mean that God is only mindful of males or only cares for males. As women, we can correctly understand that this verse includes us. And we ought to be woman enough, mature enough, and have enough reverence for God’s Word that we don’t have to put it on a pretty pink background with flowers and a swirly font, and change the pronouns from masculine to feminine so that none of the girls get their feelings hurt.

But here’s the second – and in my view, more important – issue with this particular instance: Deuteronomy 33:12 isn’t one of those universal male pronoun verses. Your friend (or whoever created the image) is ripping it completely out of context. And she had to amputate the first part of the verse in order to do so. Here’s the whole verse:

Of Benjamin he said, “May the beloved of the Lord live in security beside Him Who shields him all the day long, And he lives between His shoulders.”

This isn’t some universally applicable verse, even if you’re a man. This is Moses blessing the twelve tribes of Israel prior to his death. Verse 1 of chapter 33 tells us just that: “Now this is the blessing with which Moses the man of God blessed the sons of Israel before his death.”

What your friend is doing is like finding a letter her dad wrote to her brother, scratching out her brother’s name, and writing in her own name instead. Yes, Dad loves her too, but this is her brother’s letter, and she’s stealing it.

Maybe this was just a one time “oopsie” in which your friend wasn’t very careful about what she was passing along on social media. We’ve all been guilty of that. If that’s the case, and everything else seems to be doctrinally sound, you could talk to her about it if you want, but I don’t see any harm in letting this one go. But if it seems more like a pattern or a downhill slide, yes, I’d pray for wisdom and an opportune moment and gently, yet firmly, talk to her about reverence for God’s Word, and rightly handling it.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Confessing past sin… Too much Calvinism?… “Fake it til you make it”)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

I confessed and repented of a certain sin after I got saved, but my husband doesn’t know about it. Do I need to confess that sin to my husband in order to receive God’s blessings or be considered a Proverbs 31 wife? And should he also confess his past sins to me? By the way, my husband is a pastor.

What a beautiful heart you have – wanting to be clean before the Lord and wanting to please Him!

There might be a few very specific scenarios in which it would not be wise to bring up a past sin to your husband, but, generally speaking, in a Christian marriage yes, you should be able to talk to your husband about your past sins (and he should also be able to discuss his past sins with you). But not to get God’s blessings or to be a Proverbs 31 wife.

Marriage is about trust. In the same way that Christian husbands and wives should trust each other enough to feel comfortable being physically naked around one another, we should also trust each other enough to feel comfortable “baring it all” when it comes to our past sins.

It sounds like this is a sin you simply haven’t told him about, but it should go without saying that you should not be lying to him about it or trying to cover it up. Those are direct sins against him, and if you’re doing that, you definitely need to confess and repent to him.

All of that being said, there can be more helpful / wise ways and times to talk to your husband about your past sin and less helpful / wise ways and times to talk to him about it, and you may want to get some help figuring that out from someone who can be more objective about it than you can.

Normally, I would suggest setting up an appointment with your pastor to get some pastoral counsel about it, but since your husband is your pastor, I would suggest locating an ACBC certified Biblical Counselor (not the same thing as a “Christian counselor/therapist”) who is not a member of your church (you don’t want your husband to be embarrassed or make it difficult for the counselor to sit under her pastor’s leadership) and set up an appointment.

Some denominations offer counseling services to pastors and their families, so you may want to contact your denominational leadership to find out about that. (I’m not sure what to tell you about other denominations, but if you’re Southern Baptist, contact your local SBC association or state convention.)

Hello! I found your website while trying to see if a Christian singer was a false teacher. I started reading over your beliefs to make sure that you weren’t a false teacher (I don’t mean that in a rude way, it’s just that I have to be really careful especially since I am only a teenager). I agree with everything except Calvinism. I was just wondering if our beliefs would still align enough to where your positions on whether or not people are false teachers would align with my beliefs. I can always ask my parents afterwards, but I just wanted to know basically if you talk about or reference Calvinist beliefs a lot. Thank you!

Wow. Just, WOW. Honey, your parents must be so proud of you. I know I would be if you were my daughter. I am thrilled – hear me: THRILLED – that you checked me out to make sure I’m not a false teacher before reading my stuff. Do you know how many adults don’t do that before following people? Most of them. I wish I had been as discerning as you are when I was your age.

Calvinism is not a factor when I sit down to evaluate whether or not someone is a false teacher, so that isn’t something you would need to worry about. In fact, there are some people on both my Popular False Teachers page and on my Recommended Bible Teachers page about whom I have no idea whether or not they’re Calvinists. There are even Calvinists I recommend against (such as Matt Chandler), or decline to proactively recommend (such as John Piper). I will say this, though – and, understand, this is a very general statement – having studied dozens of teachers, I find that those who adhere to Calvinism / Reformed theology are less likely, on the whole, to be false teachers than non-Calvinists.

I guess it depends on what you mean by talking about or referencing Calvinism “a lot”. From my perspective, I hardly ever mention it directly, but I’m sure it does come across indirectly in some of the terminology I use and the way I handle Scripture.

This is kind of humorous, but, probably about once a month or so, I get a message or an email from somebody saying, “Why don’t you talk about the false teaching of Calvinism?” or “I see you recommend John MacArthur. Don’t you know he’s one of those [gasp!] Calvinists?”. So I guess I’m not exactly beating people over the head with it if they didn’t know and I have to tell them straight out, “Yeah, I’m a Calvinist, too.”

I don’t know, I’m probably not the most objective person to answer this question. Let’s turn it over to my regular readers and you can see what they have to say in the comments section.

Readers – do you think I talk about
Calvinism “a lot” on the blog?

Answer in the comments, and help out this charming and discerning young lady.

Could you tell me where Scripture teaches “fake it till you make it” ?

“fake it ’til you make it”. A phrase easier said than done. But where stands it written? I would say this is not true. Michelle I trust your wisdom and knowledge, but this phrase…not so much. I asked sarcastically where I could find it in Scripture knowing it’s not written. I was hoping to have a response to my previous email, but no reply as yet. God’s word is based on truth not feelings. Trusting feelings when it comes to “fake it ’til you make it” I find is not sound wisdom. Allowing the Holy Spirit to change me is trusting in Him not myself…whether it’s fear or feelings.

These two comments (from the same commenter) were left on my article Fear Not: 9 Biblical Ways to Trade Worry for Trust regarding the phrase “fake it til you make it” in this paragraph:

Those worries may start creeping in, but you don’t have to set the table and turn down the bed for them. Push them right out of your mind, slam the door behind them, and say (out loud is helpful), “No. I’m not going to worry. I’m going to trust the Lord.” You’ll still feel worried at first, but “fake it ’til you make it.” Your feelings will eventually follow.

I’d like to address two issues regarding these comments, first the commenter’s attitude, then the content.

Attitude: First, I did not receive an email from you about this, so I can only assume “email” in your second comment actually refers to your first comment. However, if you had sent me an email, you would have to have obtained my email address here, where I clearly state (in bold type, no less):

“I regret I am unable to answer most e-mails
unrelated to speaking engagements…”

So if you had emailed me, you shouldn’t have expected a reply at all, much less on your timetable.

Since you commented, you should have read – in large font directly above the comment box:

“Before commenting please see the ‘Welcome’ tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. Comments are handled manually, so there will be a delay before approved comments are posted.”

So, a) you should have expected some sort of delay, and b) if you had clicked on the Welcome tab as instructed, you would have seen this:

The “Please click here…” hyperlink goes to an article further explaining my email and comments policy and why emails and many comments usually go unanswered. I have bent over backwards to make it clear to my readers that I can’t answer most correspondence and why, even though I really wish I could.

Furthermore, you sent your first comment three weeks ago and your second comment a week later. To give you a little perspective, the first question I answered in this article was sent in almost a year ago. The second one, a month ago. Some people don’t get their questions answered for months. Others never get their questions answered, because I simply don’t have enough hours in the day to get to everyone’s questions. I hate that, but that’s just the way it has to be.

Not realizing your initial question was sarcastic, I had saved it in order to answer it in a Mailbag article, but I’ll be honest, when I got your second comment, my gut level reaction was to just delete both of them. Being impatient, demanding, and snarky when you’re asking someone else to do something for you (i.e. answer your question) is neither becoming of a Christian nor very effective.

But since I had already decided to address the content of your question, I decided to go ahead and do that and also add the part about your attitude as a teaching moment for you and anyone else to whom it might apply.

Content: I thought most people in my audience would be familiar with the phrase “fake it til you make it” (and, indeed, in the four times this article has run on my blog, you’re the only one who has commented objecting to it), but I can see where it might not be the clearest wording in the world, especially for people who aren’t familiar with the common usage of the phrase.

No one who has read the entire article could surmise that I was saying that “God’s word is based on feelings,” or that I was saying people should “[Trust] feelings when it comes to ‘fake it ’til you make it’”. (I’m not really even sure what that means since the theme of that paragraph, that section, and the entire article is that we should not trust or be controlled by our feelings.)

“You’ll still feel worried at first, but ‘fake it ’til you make it.’ Your feelings will eventually follow,” simply means that we should obey Scripture (in this case the Scriptures that tell us to trust God) regardless of how we feel about it and trust God to eventually line our feelings up with His Word. I thought that was clear from the context, but if it was not, I sincerely apologize. I have added a footnote to the article with this explanation in case it’s unclear to any other readers.

UPDATE (9/8/21)

I received what I thought was a very gracious response from this reader. With her permission, I share it here:

Dear Michelle,

“fake it ‘til you make it”…here…

I ask your forgiveness. I had no intention of appearing impatient, nor demanding, nor snarky. Thank you for your very frank response and clarifying your answer to my question.

I am grateful for the knowledge and wisdom God has given you. My question was sincere as were my comments. And again I’m sorry if you took them as you did, as I had no intention to raise your ire in responding. I did indeed read the “welcome”, and again didn’t expect a response from your busy schedule and many emails you receive.

My heart was to speak as one sister to another. I have been told this phrase before. Words have consequences, and quite honestly for me, as I filter words and phrases through God’s Word, I am reminded to speak truth in love, not snarky, or demanding. We can all learn to be effective in our walk with the Lord by not jumping to conclusions that are incorrect, being teachable and gracious.

Blessings on you and your ministry.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.