Boys. Aren’t they phenomenal? My husband and I have five boys ranging in age from 12 to 28. They’re loud, they’re gross, they’re physical, and I wouldn’t trade them for girls in a hot minute. While I love my daughter and the precious relationship we have as girls, I genuinely feel like God specially crafted me to be a mom of boys.
But boys will be boys, and girls will be girls, and sometimes, as “girls,” we moms need to think outside the pretty pink box of femininity in order to relate to, and rightly raise, these extraordinary creatures God has blessed us with. Here are six ways I’ve learned through the years to raise a Godly man.
1. Remember you’re raising boys.
Despite what you might hear from the scientific community, boys and girls are not the same except for genitalia. The way God wired them to see and relate to the world, think, react, and solve problems, is completely different from the way God wired girls to do these things. In 1 Corinthians 16:13, Paul tells the men of the church at Corinth:
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
There’s a certain way that men (and boys) act, and it’s not the same as the way girls act. God made them that way, and we must parent them like they’re boys, not anatomically male girls.
2. Make way for Daddy.
There have been so many times I have been tempted to baby my boys over bumps and bruises or give them a light scolding for disobedience. It took a lot of lip biting to stand out of the way while my husband told them to walk it off or got out the paddle for correction. But husbands know better than we do what it’s like to be a little (or big) boy. Point your boys to your husband as an example, and make sure you’re not getting in the way as they relate to each other “man to man”.
3. Tell them to take a lap.
One thing that moms often don’t realize about boys is that they are wired to need physical activity for their emotional, behavioral, and educational well being. Require them to sit still and be quiet for hours at a time, and you may have a son who gets that need for physicality out of his system by acting out behaviorally. God created boys with a need to run, throw, and hit, so honor His design by letting them.
4. Show them what a godly woman looks like.
They won’t be able to find a godly woman to marry one day if they don’t know what one looks like. Show them. Study your Bible. Pray. Repent and apologize when you sin. Submit to your husband. Manage your home well. Be hospitable. Serve your family and your church. Give them a gold standard to shoot for.
Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. Proverbs 31:29
5. Instruct them, from a woman’s point of view, godly ways to honor women.
Because boys don’t think the way girls do, they need to be taught how women like to be treated by men. Boys tend to have an “every man for himself” mindset, so things like “ladies first,” opening doors for women, keeping bodily functions to themselves, and helping out around the house don’t always occur to them. They have to be proactively taught these things as a way of “serving one another in love” (Galatians 5:13).
(Oh, and by the way, they will never learn to keep bodily functions to themselves. Ever. Sorry.)
6. Realize the impact of your role in building godly men.
Samuel. Jesus. Timothy. Godly men, all. And every one of them had a godly mother – Hannah, Mary, Eunice – who raised them to love and serve God. Don’t ever think of yourself as “just a mom.” God has given mothers the enormous responsibility and privilege of pouring the gospel into little boys and raising them to godly manhood. Thank Him for that and steward your influence well.
Boys are strange and wonderful little beings. There’s nothing like being a mom of boys to drive you crazy, drive you to your knees in prayer, and drive you to rise to the challenge of being a godly mom raising godly men.
1. Briefly review the “middle parts” (ex: merciful, poor in spirit) of the Beatitudes, the “salt and light” passage, and the “heart of the law” passage in Matthew 5:1-12, 13-16, 14-20. Now read 6:1-18 in light of those passages.
What is the main theme of 1-4, 5-15, and 16-18? Explain how verse 1 serves as the theme verse for all three sections. Consider what might motivate someone to show off her deeds of righteousness. Would this be someone who genuinely considers herself to be “holier than thou”? Or would it be someone who just wants to fool everyone into thinking she’s holier than they are? Maybe both?
2. In the Beatitudes, Jesus lists the traits that define Christian character. In much of the rest of the Sermon on the Mount He fleshes out what many of these character traits look like when walked out in “real life”. Which of the traits (the “middle parts” – there could be several) listed in the Beatitudes is Jesus expanding on in 1-18?
How does being a prideful show off, especially showing off your righteousness / holiness, bland your saltiness? (5:13-16) How can forsaking self-righteousness and walking in humility make you saltier and brighter?
3. Review from our previous lessons (links above) the idea that the Sermon on the Mount is to the New Testament / new covenant what the Ten Commandments were to the Old Testament / old covenant.
Though pride, self-righteousness, and showing off are not specifically mentioned in the Ten Commandments, which of the Ten Commandments could be connected to showing off your deeds of righteousness? For example: What are you coveting if you’re showing off your righteous deeds to others? How could the praise of man become an idol?
Notice that, for the remainder of the Sermon on the Mount (through the end of chapter 7), Jesus drops the “You have heard it said…but I say to you…” framing of His teaching. Why do you think that is?
Despite dropping this framing, in 1-18 is Jesus still shifting the people’s focus from outward obedience to the letter of the law to zeroing in on the attitude of their hearts and the spirit of the law? Explain how humility and poverty of spirit should be the heart of our obedience to God’s laws.
4. Jesus could have admonished people not to show off their intellect, their wealth, their athleticism, or any number of other things in this passage. Instead, He chooses three practices of holiness: charity, prayer, and fasting. Why? Why is it especially important to God that His people not show off their righteous actions? Read the parable of the Pharisee and the publican. Explain how this story connects to 1-18 and demonstrates the value God places on humility / poverty of spirit.
What does Jesus call show offs throughout this passage? Which words and phrases in this passage describe the earthly reward someone showing off her righteousness is working for? Why should God give someone a heavenly reward if she is working for an earthly reward? If you are working for a heavenly reward, will you get an earthly reward?
5. What is the difference between not showing off in 6:1-18 and letting your light shine before others in 5:14-16? Think about what you post on social media, as well as your conversations with others in light of these passages. How do these passages apply to humblebrags and virtue signaling? “Humblebrag” and “virtue signaling” are worldly terms. What would be the biblical terminology for these unbiblical behaviors?
6. Some people think verses 5-6 mean that no one should ever pray in public or anywhere your prayers might be observed by others. For example: no one should lead a congregational prayer in church, you should not pray before a meal at a restaurant, no prayers before ball games, etc. Are these verses prohibiting that? Why or why not? Was Daniel violating verses five through six when he prayed with his windows open? Could verses 7-8 apply to praying in “tongues” as it is commonly practiced today? What about repetitive formulaic prayers like the Catholic rosary?
Did Jesus intend for The Lord’s Prayer to be recited or to be an example of how we should pray? Is there a difference between reciting the Lords prayer and praying the Lord‘s Prayer? Could reciting the Lords prayer repetitively turn into “heaping up empty phrases“? Write out the Lord’s Prayer using your own words, and check out my article After this Manner, Therefore Pray.
Want to learn more about fasting? I found this article – Is Fasting a Command? – very helpful and thorough. Grace to You has several good articles and sermons on fasting. Just go to GTY.org and put “fasting” in the search bar.
It has long been my perspective that the grit, wonder, and inspiration of true stories far surpasses anything in the fictional realm. And Paint the Wall Black only serves to bolster this belief.
Meet Juan, a dear brother whom God graciously saved out of a number of depravities. Listen to his story of serving Christ and ministering to others through his family’s business…and what happened when he stood his ground on God’s Word on Black Lives Matter during the 2020 riots. Bonus material after the movie: Jon Harris, of the Conversations that Matter Podcast, interviews Juan and Pastor Joe.
A couple of caveats:
The filmmakers nobly attempted the herculean task of bleeping or blurring out every audible or written instance of profanity and vulgarity. But as you will see, it was impossible to edit out all of them. You will see the F-word. You will see middle fingers flying. Many pagans express themselves in such ways. If you cannot handle that, please do not watch this film.
Featuring this film on my blog does not equal an endorsement of Metro Praise International church, which, from its website, appears to be Pentecostal. Though I appreciate their strong focus on preaching the gospel and don’t doubt their confession of Christ based on what I’ve seen in this movie, Pentecostalism holds to some doctrines which are unbiblical. If you’re looking for a church in the Chicago or Dallas areas please see my Searching for a new church? resource instead.
Good Monday morning, readers. It is an honor and a joy to serve you in Christ. Welcome to all the newbies and to you seasoned veterans of the blog.
Because some of y’all are new, you aren’t yet aware of all of the resources here to help you. Or maybe you’ve been around a while and haven’t noticed something that might be helpful. Let’s remedy that!
Second, be sure to familiarize yourself with all of the tabs in the blue menu bar at the top of the page. That’s where I keep the info I’m most frequently asked about.
Third, there’s a search bar at the bottom of every page (and one in the blue menu bar at the top of every page) which might help you find what you need.
And finally, let me get you new readers some answers to the questions several of you have asked. Some of you long time friends may have missed these along the way, so I hope they’ll be helpful to you, too!
I’m throwing this question in with this Asked & Answered article because it’s coming up soon and because, though I haven’t answered it in article form, I’ve been asked and have answered multiple times on social media. This is the first year women have been asking me whether or not they should attend, and I think that should give us all pause.
I am recommending against attending or viewing TGC’s (The Gospel Coalition) women’s conference for two reasons:
The two headline speakers this year are Jackie Hill-Perry and Jen Wilkin, neither of whom I would recommend. (Reformed / Calvinistic churches, I know a lot of y’all have parked your women’s Bible study classes exclusively on Jen Wilkin because you think she’s “safe,” but it’s time to take another look. Read the article linked to her name above.)
For the last several years, TGC has been moving more and more into the woke / social justice stream of evangelicalism. I’m not saying every single speaker at this year’s women’s conference is woke or into social justice, I’m just saying that’s the way the organization has been headed, so it would not be surprising if that kind of thing is espoused at the conference.
(And, not for nothing, but my goodness is it expensive!)
The Lord has graciously opened my eyes to the fact that I was following several false teachers. Unfortunately, I have accumulated a large number of their books over the years. My question is what do I do with them now? Do I donate them? I was thinking of donating them to the MOPS ministry at my church.
Amy and I also covered this question in our most recent episode of A Word Fitly Spoken.
(Also, if your church is hosting a MOPS group, your pastor needs to know that there are serious biblical problems with some in MOPS leadership and with their books/materials.)
A lot of unbiblical things are happening at our church, but my husband seems oblivious. I want to leave and find a doctrinally sound church, but my husband wants to stay. What should I do?
And can I just say to all spouses – husbands and wives (because I’ve gotten this same question from husbands too) – if your spouse lovingly comes to you, Bible in hand, and says, “I’ve got some serious biblical issues with our church,” listen. Talk about it together. Pray about it.
And if the only reasons you’re insisting on staying at the old church are non-biblical issues like friends, fun, you’ve been there forty years and you’re comfortable, the preaching and the music are pleasant enough, you don’t want to start over meeting new people at a new church, it’s close to home, etc., can I encourage you to give some serious thought to dying to self and trying to find a new church your spouse won’t be miserable in?
If you insist – for superficial reasons – on staying somewhere your spouse – for good biblical reasons – is so uncomfortable in, you’re being selfish. Wives who do this aren’t submitting to their husbands’ spiritual leadership. Husbands who do this aren’t loving their wives or leading them in a God-honoring way. Love your spouse and put him or her first.
I’m writing you in regards to your stance on the prohibition of women teaching men in reference to 1 Timothy 2 and did not find an adequate rebuttal in your FAQ document linked in several places on your website. I must respectfully disagree and gently request your consideration of the contextual and cultural cues of the time and in that specific circumstance in which it was written.
My stance on 1 Timothy 2 is to believe, obey, and teach obedience to plain, black and white, rightly handled Scripture. Women are prohibited from holding the office of pastor or elder, preaching to men, instructing men in the Scriptures, or exercising authority over men in the gathering of the church body because the Bible says so and means so, not because people are misinterpreting the Bible based on failing to understand the culture of Ephesus at the time.
First Timothy 2:11-3:7 does not say what it says because the Ephesian women were ignorant or disruptive or false teachers. It is a pastoral epistle, which means it is basically a “policy and procedure manual” for the local church – everywhere in the world at every point in history. The church has not been getting this wrong for 2000 years and, suddenly, we enlightened folk in 21st century Western culture are going to come along and set things straight.
This article should help: The Mailbag: Counter Arguments to Egalitarianism (and for readers not yet acquainted with what the Bible teaches about the biblical roles of men and women, I would encourage you to start by reading the articles linked in the “Additional Resources” section of that article).
I am looking for a new Bible. I was looking into the She Reads Truth Bible until I saw your article about the authors being associated with known false teachers. I am looking into The Jesus Bible and maybe the (In)Courage Bible but wanted to know your input on this. I really like the resources like maps, reading plans, and book intros in the SRT Bible. Do you have input on a good Bible with room to take notes and similar resources? Does one exist that doesn’t have input from those who follow false doctrine?
If you’re looking for a good study Bible you can’t do better than the MacArthur Study Bible. I also highly recommend the Faithlife Study Bible app (which is free). I’ve discussed both a little more (with links) here. If you have to compromise on something for a good study Bible, compromise on taking notes in the Bible. You can always get a separate journal or notebook for taking notes.
I want to get baptized. Who is allowed to baptize? Can a woman baptize? Does the person have to believe in the same basic doctrines as I do (e.g. women shouldn’t preach to men or be leaders in church, homosexuality is a sin, you must believe in the full gospel to be saved etc.)?
I’m so glad you want to get baptized. Everyone who has confessed Christ as Savior should be baptized. I think my article Basic Training: Baptism will answer a lot of your questions (don’t forget the Additional Resources section at the end).
You may be able to infer the answer to your last question from the article, but in case you need a little clarity: Yes, you and the person baptizing you should be pretty much in agreement on doctrinal issues. Not because that’s what qualifies someone to baptize, but because baptism is an ordinance of the church, normally performed by the pastor or an elder of that church, and you should be baptized into a doctrinally sound church whose doctrine you agree with.
My question is about women correcting or pointing out a false belief of Scripture or interpretation to men. Am I as a woman allowed to correct or advise a Christian brother if he is teaching/preaching or spreading something that’s not Biblically sound or correct?
Yes, with a couple of provisos.
First, since you mentioned you’re a new Christian, you need to be sure you are correct about what the Bible says on the issue and that he is definitely wrong. Study your Bible hard, see what doctrinally sound pastors and Christians you trust have to say about the issue, etc. As Davy Crockett once said, “Be always sure you are right, then go ahead.”
Next, be sure you keep the “golden rule” foremost in your mind. If someone had to approach you and tell you that you were wrong about something, how would you want to be approached? Treat the other person with the same love and care.
If possible, take the person aside privately to explain his error, maybe with another friend to support you. We have a great example of this in Acts 18 with Priscilla, Aquila, and Apollos.
If it’s in a group setting, such as a Bible study class, in which it’s not possible to wait until later to speak to the teacher alone about the false doctrine he has just taught, I’ve addressed that in #5 in my article Rock Your Role FAQs.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
The next morning, Pastor Mike graciously made the time to sit for a brief interview with me, which I’m making available to you today for informational purposes, especially if you’re Southern Baptist.
I’m sure there are some theological topics on which Pastor Mike and I don’t see eye to eye, so this isn’t meant to be an endorsement of anything that conflicts with my theology as outlined in my Welcome and Statement of Faith tabs, nor is the fact that Pastor Mike is appearing on my blog an endorsement of any of my theology that conflicts with his positions. This interview was simply a service both of us are providing to you so that you may know where Pastor Mike stands on the issues I asked him about.
That being said, as a brother and sister in Christ who share a passion for the sufficiency of Scripture, a disdain for so-called “soft-complementarianism,” and a desire to see the Southern Baptist Convention straighten up and fly right, I feel certain we have far more in common than not. I found Pastor Mike to be a warm and caring brother, and I commend him for taking a firm, biblical stand on some issues which, sad to say, will not earn him any brownie points in certain sectors of the SBC. That takes guts, and I respect that. I thoroughly enjoyed our chat.
Listen in on the audio player above or on my YouTube channel (audio only).
I know some of y’all like transcripts when I post audio. I was not able to transcribe Pastor Mike’s portion of interview, but you may read my questions – as well as a post-interview addendum to Pastor Mike’s answer to question #2 – here.
Many thanks to Pastor Mike Stone, the Conservative Baptist Network, the Louisiana chapter of the Conservative Baptist Network, CBN Steering Council member, Pastor Lewis Richerson, and Benjamin Lesley- producer, for making this interview possible.
