Divorce – Page 3 – Michelle Lesley

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Is it OK for pastors to be divorced?

Not just any man is qualified to be a pastor. The Bible sets forth a specific list of requirements for pastors and elders in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1. One of these requirements is that he must be “the husband of one wife.” Unfortunately, this phrase has sometimes been misunderstood to mean that pastors and elders must be married (which would exclude never married, divorced, and widowed men) or that pastors and elders must never have been divorced for any reason.

I pretty much agree with John MacArthur’s position in this article, which helpfully explains that the phrase “husband of one wife” actually means “a one-woman man,” not “never divorced,” or “wife required.” Unlike MacArthur, I might not say it’s “extremely rare” that it would be OK for a pastor to have a divorce in his past, maybe just “rare.”

I really think we need to look at it on a case by case basis, especially if the man was divorced for one of the two biblical exceptions: the wife’s infidelity (Matthew 5:32) or an unbelieving wife divorcing him (1 Corinthians 7:15). Although I respect an autonomous church’s right to set whatever policies it deems appropriate (as long as those policies don’t violate Scripture), I, personally, don’t think it’s right to deny a man the office due to his wife’s sin that he had no control over and may have done everything in his power to prevent.

I also think we need to look at how long ago the divorce took place and whether it happened before or after the man was saved. What about a man who was divorced 30 years ago due to one of the bibilical exceptions, but has been a godly husband to his second wife for the past 25 years? What about a man who was divorced 30 years ago, subsequently got saved, tried to reunite with his ex-wife but was rejected, married a godly woman, and has been a godly husband to her for the past 25 years? There are prohibitions against being a drunkard in the biblical qualifications, too. Would we deny a man the office, if, prior to salvation, he was a drunkard, but got saved and has been sober for 25 years? These are issues churches should work through prayerfully when considering a candidate.

A man already in the office of pastor/elder who goes through a divorce should step down for a significant period of time. If the divorce was for unbiblical reasons, he has probably disqualified himself. But even if it was for biblical reasons, he needs time to heal and to focus on helping his children. For the same reasons, I don’t think a man who has been recently divorced should be considered for the office.

If you have a question about: a well known Christian author/leader, a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Sin

9 Things that Are Still Sins Whether We Agree or Not

June 19, 2015August 4, 2019 Michelle Lesley

I do it all the time, Mother, and I’ve decided something-
it’s not a sin.

I heard this line several years ago on a popular sitcom, spoken by an adult daughter to her Christian mother about a behavior the Bible unambiguously calls a sin. I mean, it’s right smack dab in the middle of the Big 10; “thou shalt not” and everything.

It’s one thing to say, “I know it’s a sin, but I don’t care. I’m going to do it anyway,” but how depraved is the world when they think they – in God’s place – are the ones who get to define what sin is? And what’s even worse is that the church has begun to adopt this audacious depravity as well, whether approving of sin by fiat or by simply ignoring God’s word and letting sin slide without rebuke.

When it comes to what’s a sin and what’s not, God made up His mind a long time ago. And He’s not changing it, regardless of what you or I or Joe Politician or Jane Celebrity might think. Maybe we all need a remedial course in hamartiology, so let’s start with the basics. These things are all still sins whether the world and the church agree with God or not:

1. Homosexuality

Let’s just get it out of the way right up front. I don’t care how many celebrity “pastors” and “Christian” authors twist God’s word to say otherwise, or how many people declare themselves to be (unrepentant, practicing) “gay Christians,” or how many homosexuals declare that God made them that way, God’s word is clear: homosexual lust and behavior are sins.

2. Abortion

Abortion is the taking of an innocent human life. We don’t murder people because they’re small or sick or inconvenient or will hinder our sucess. God didn’t say, “You shall not murder, except when…” He said, “You shall not murder.” Period.

3. Extra-Marital (Heterosexual) Sex

Adultery, fornication, whatever form it might take, if you’re not legally married to the person you’re engaging in sexual activity – up to and including actual intercourse – with, you’re sinning.

4. Cohabitation

See #3. And don’t try to whitewash it by saying you’re living together but not sleeping together. A) The Bible says we’re to flee temptation, not move in with it, and B) we’re supposed to avoid every form of evil, even the appearance of it. If you call yourself a Christian and you’re shacking up, you’re living in sin (that’s why they call it “living in sin”). Repent and move out or marry up.

5. Divorce

Yep, still a sin, except in two cases: unfaithfulness or an unsaved spouse leaving a saved spouse. In those two cases the spouse who was wronged is not sinning and is free to marry again.

6. Swearing

The air is saturated with it. Foul language coming from our TVs, music, movies, social media, and the people we’re around all day. But expletives have no place in the vocabulary of a Christian. Is your potty mouth on Saturday the same one you praise God with on Sunday?

7. Taking God’s Name in Vain

It’s gotten to the point where we think so little of casually punctuating our sentences with, “Oh my G-d,” or using the name of Jesus as an exclamation that pastors are even doing so from the pulpit these days. God’s name is high and holy and should be spoken only reverently and worshipfully. How can we look people in the eye and call them to repentance and faith in a Person whose name we use as a cuss word?

8. Gluttony

We have almost completely amputated gluttony from the spiritual realm by cordoning it off as merely a physical or medical issue. We’ve renamed it “overeating,” but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a sin. God created good food for us to enjoy, but just as with all the other good gifts He gives us, He expects us to exercise Spirit-enabled self control when we receive it.

9. Female Usurpation

God makes it abundantly clear in His word that women are not to instruct men in the Scriptures or hold authority over them in the church. Women sin when they pastor churches, preach sermons in church, teach men in Sunday School classes, and hold other positions of authority over men in the church. Men, however, bear the primarily responsibility for this when they sin by failing to rebuke usurping women, or when women feel they have no other choice but to take on male responsibilities in the church because men are shirking their own duties before God.

We don’t get to decide what sin is. That’s God’s job. And all of us – whether we’ve committed one of these nine sins or not – are guilty of sinning against Him. That’s the bad news.

But, in Christianity, we never give the bad news without following it up with the good news. And, oh what wonderfully good news it is: forgiveness. Jesus paid for our sin at Calvary so that if we will only turn from it and trust Him, He will forgive us for all nine of these sins and countless others.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

Marriage, Sunday School, Women

Godly Womanhood – Sex, Marriage, Singleness, and Divorce ~ Sunday School Lesson ~ 12-8-13

December 8, 2013April 5, 2019 Michelle Lesley

These are my notes from my ladies’ Sunday School class this morning. I’ll be posting the notes from my class here each week. Click here for last week’s lesson.

Godly Womanhood – Sex, Marriage, Singleness, and Divorce
1 Corinthians 7

Background on 1 Corinthians:
Written by Paul to the church in Corinth (in southern Greece) circa A.D. 55. Aphrodite (Greek goddess of love) worship was the major religion. Gross immorality and drunken debauchery included: fornication, adultery, homosexuality, polygamy, concubinage, prostitution, and incest. Ch. 7 was in response to a previous letter from the church to Paul asking questions about marriage/sex.

7:1-2- What is the Corinthians’ question? Why would they ask this? How did Paul answer?

v. 1- Paul is restating a quote from their letter, not giving instruction himself. Because of the extent of the sexual corruption in Corinth (most in the church had grown up in this environment and didn’t know any differently), the baby Corinthian church has a skewed, confused understanding of sex and thinks maybe Christians should stay away from it altogether (even inside marriage). Paul has to hit the “reset button” on their theology of sex and show them it is a good gift of God in its proper context.

7:2-5- Parameters for a biblical theology of sex:

1. Sex is only to take place between a man and a woman who are married to each other. (2ff)

V. 2- “Each man his own wife/woman her own husband.” V.3ff all continue to assume sex inside heterosexual marriage as evidenced by the terms “husband”/”wife”. This automatically precludes homosexuality, prostitution, adultery, fornication, etc.

2. Both husband and wife have a right to reasonably expect regular sex in their marriage (3). (Assuming the health and capability of both.)

Notice that the husband is mentioned first- emphasizing that the husband should fulfill the wife’s sexual needs, not just his own. As in all other aspects of marriage, we serve each other unselfishly, and don’t use each other for our own gratification.

3. Sex is a gift that both spouses should give generously, and as an act of love and service, to one another (4).

This is the other side of the coin to #2. There should be a healthy and mutually agreeable balance, but we are not to be stingy in responding to requests for sex. Sex shouldn’t be dependent on the whims of “mood”. God gave us our bodies to serve in all aspects of our marriages, including sex.

Think about it: there are a lot of times we don’t especially feel like doing the dishes, cleaning up after the kids, etc., but we do it anyway and with a good attitude. What does it say to our husbands when they see us doing all those things because they’re important, but constantly turning down sex because we’re “not in the mood”? What if he constantly wasn’t “in the mood” to say “I love you,” or listen to you when you need to talk?

Notice that the wife is mentioned first here for emphasis as this can be an area more in need of improvement for women than men.

4. Do not deprive one another (5).

Sex, as in #3, is a gift we freely and lovingly give to one another. It is not a weapon, a reward, a bribe, or a bargaining chip. Would we use food as a reward, bribe, weapon, etc? Any break in normal sexual activity must be by mutual agreement, and even then only for a short time for SPIRITUAL PURPOSES. (Again, assuming the health of both. This particular verse doesn’t address the incapacitation of a spouse.)

5. A godly sex life inside of marriage is a safeguard against temptation to sexual immorality (2, 5-9).

Yes, there is sexual temptation even in the best of marriages, but how much more would there be without a godly sexual relationship in marriage? We are not just serving a physical need, but also a spiritual one- helping each other avoid temptation.

Being single is a good gift of God, and there are advantages to it (later in chapter), but if the temptation to immorality is too great, it is better to get married and have that sexual outlet in place.

7:10-11- We are not to desire and seek out divorce. Related passages: Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-9, Genesis 2:24, Malachi 2:16

“Not, I but the Lord” Paul is reiterating what God has already spoken. Repentance and reconciliation is God’s desire, not divorce.

7:12-14, 16- What if one spouse isn’t saved? Related passage: 1 Peter 3:1-2

“I, not the Lord”: New revelation. God had not previously spoken on this. New Corinthian believers were confused and thought perhaps they should divorce unsaved spouses to marry saved ones. Just as 1 Pet. 3 says, spouses and children can be won to Christ through the testimony/behavior of the saved spouse.

“Made holy” doesn’t equal “vicariously saved.” It means God will be working in lost spouse’s/children’s lives toward salvation through the testimony of the saved spouse. They will also benefit from the blessings that go along with being married to someone who is saved (having a spouse who is faithful, kind, forgiving, etc.) and constant exposure to the gospel.

7:15- God does not hold divorce against a Christian (as sin) in this situation.

There are only two instances for “biblical divorce”: Infidelity (see Matthew passages above) and an unbelieving spouse leaving. In this situation, it is not the Christian seeking divorce, but the lost spouse. The Christian is a victim of divorce, not the initiator. The Christian spouse should be living in obedience to the Lord and doing everything he/she can to keep the marriage together, but notice: “God has called you to peace” Every situation is different, but a point comes when continuing to fight for the marriage can violate the peace God calls you to, and you have to let go and leave things in God’s hands.

7:17-24- God saves people “where they’re at” for a reason.

God knows the situation/time of your life you’re in when He saves you. One reason for this is so that people in your life (spouse, co-workers, friends, etc.) can see the results of Christ saving you, which can open the door for you to share the gospel with them. God doesn’t save you just to save you- He saves you to save the people around you. One of those people could be your lost spouse.

Unless your hobbies/job/friends are inherently sinful (you’re a hit man who likes to hang out with dope dealers at the strip club), you don’t necessarily have to dump everything in your life when you get saved. You don’t have to quit your job to become a missionary or dump all your old friends and replace them with church friends. You could be how God saves them.

7:6-9, 25-40- Singleness and marriage are both good gifts given to different people for God’s sovereign purposes.

Marriage is a good gift for protecting from temptation and for raising Godly children. Singleness has the wonderful advantage of allowing one to concentrate more time on prayer, study, and ministry.

Additional Resources:

What Are Biblical Grounds for Divorce? from GotQuestions.org

The Best Thing Out There on Singleness from CBMW

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

Fireproof (movie)