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This article was originally published on a collaborative women’s blog I used to write for years ago. It wasn’t as narrowly focused as my blog is, on women’s discipleship, and one of the opportunities that afforded me was to try my hand at writing recipes.
Although I only published two or three of them, I enjoyed it. I like to cook and experiment with different foods and techniques. I like to collect existing recipes and tweak them until they’re my own. And sharing that with others is just plain fun!
When I originally posted this recipe for cinnamon rolls, it got a great response, social media-wise. People shared it on Facebook and Pinterest, the article itself got several comments, and it was even the most viewed post of the week on another blog that linked to it. It was awesome, and I’m so grateful to everybody who shared it.
But it got me thinking.
That recipe got tons more attention from Christian women than anything else I had ever written before about the Bible, salvation, or any other gospel-centered topic. In fact, recipes, memes and viral videos comprise a lot of what comes across my news feed. God’s word? Not so much. And, as a Christian woman, I had to stop and ask myself a question:
Reading, collecting, and writing recipes is fun. It can help me serve my family, friends, and church better when I cook for them, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with it.
But how much time am I investing in things like reading and sharing recipes or playing online games or watching TV or reading novels or any of the thousands of things we do every day that take up time but have no eternal significance? None of those things draw me closer to the Lord or train my children in godliness or feed my marriage or evangelize and disciple others or build up the body of Christ.
Am I spending too much time on fluff and not enough on the things that really matter?
Am I spending too much time on fluff and not enough on the things that really matter?
We all need some down time. God made that clear when He set aside the Sabbath as a day of rest and worship back in Exodus 20:8-11. He doesn’t prohibit relaxation, He commands it and calls it good. But God’s ratio of work to rest is six to one. One day of rest for every six days of work. And as with so many of God’s other good gifts–food, money, fun, fellowship–my sinful flesh will knock things completely out of proportion in order to gratify itself.
My cinnamon rolls are phenomenal (just sayin’!) but only as an occasional treat. If they constituted a major part of my regular diet, I’d be very unhealthy. It’s the same way with what I feed my spirit. If I’m constantly feeding on mental and spiritual junk food, I’ll be a very unhealthy Christian. I won’t have the time or the desire to exercise by serving God and those around me. Worse, I won’t have an appetite for what is supposed to be the staple of my diet: the Bread of Life– Christ. But if I keep Christ as my main dish and all of my side dishes, snacks, and desserts in healthy proportion to Him, I’ll be fit and ready to take up my cross daily and follow Him.
And that’s a recipe for success, in God’s eyes.
If I keep Christ as my main dish and all of my side dishes, snacks, and desserts in healthy proportion to Him, I’ll be fit and ready to take up my cross daily and follow Him. And that’s a recipe for success, in God’s eyes.
Who doesn’t love a lazy Saturday morning? It’s a great day to lounge around in your jammies with the family and enjoy a relaxing breakfast together. These cinnamon rolls are a hit with my kids. They ask me to make them nearly every weekend. The great thing about them is that they don’t take very long to make and they also freeze well, so you can make them Saturday morning or in advance.
Ingredients: 4 c. baking mix (eg: Bisquick) 1 c. milk (add a little more once the dough is mixed, if you need it) 3-4 T. mayonnaise (Optional, but I’ve found that the rolls are much drier without it, especially when using skim, 1%, or 2% milk. If you leave it out, increase the milk.) 1/2 c. butter or margarine, softened +/- 3/4 c. brown sugar cinnamon Icing (see below) Yield: approximately 18 rolls
Preheat the oven to 425°. Combine baking mix, milk, and mayonnaise to make a soft dough. Dust your counter top (don’t forget to clean it first!) or pastry mat with baking mix and knead the dough for about a minute. (If you don’t have a timer but do have more than one child, just time it from when Child A wanders into the kitchen and asks, “What’s for breakfast?” to when Child B walks in and asks the exact same question. That’ll be about a minute.) Roll the dough into a large rectangle, approximately 14″ x 18″.
With a rubber spatula, spread the softened butter over the dough, being sure to go all the way to the edges. Crumble the brown sugar over the butter, spreading it as evenly as you can (it may take a little more or less than 3/4 cup), and sprinkle cinnamon over the brown sugar. Make sure they both go all the way to the edges, too.
Starting with one of the longer sides, roll the dough up, jelly roll style.
(If you want to freeze the dough this is one good place to do it, especially if you don’t have much freezer space. Wrap the rolled up dough well in plastic wrap, or cut in half or thirds to put in gallon sized freezer bags.)
Slice the roll into pieces that are 3/4″ to 1″ wide.
These things will come out of the oven absolutely cemented to your baking sheet, so grease it up any which way you can. I’d recommend spraying a non-stick pan with cooking spray, putting about 72 layers of parchment paper on top of that, and then spraying the whole thing again. Seriously, they are VERY sticky, so spray your pan really well or use parchment paper. Lay each piece flat on the baking sheet* and bake until the edges start turning brown (about 10-15 minutes).
*(Here -before baking- is another spot where you can freeze the dough if you have room for a baking sheet to sit flat in your freezer. Instead of baking, just cover the unbaked rolls on the baking sheet with aluminum foil and freeze.)
While the rolls are cooling slightly (8-10 minutes) on the pan, make the icing. (If you put the icing on as soon as they come out of the oven, it will melt and run all over the place.) Depending on how many rolls you ended up with and how much icing you like, you might need more than one batch.
Buttercream Icing
Ingredients: 1/4 c. butter or margarine, melted +/- 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar 1/2 t. vanilla hot water
Whisk all ingredients together except for the water. Add the hot water a few drops to a teaspoon at a time to bring the icing to a stiff but spreadable consistency. If you don’t mind the extra calories (Hey, we’re already at about a scrillion of them– will a few more really matter?), soften up about half a block of cream cheese and beat that in there, too. (You’ll probably need to add more sugar and a little more hot water if you do.)
Spread the icing over the top of the rolls. (If you have any left over, just spoon it into a freezer bag or container and freeze for next time.)
It’s a great question, and a decision that shouldn’t be entered into lightly.
I know that there’s an urgent need for foster parents, so I hate to exclude anyone who’s willing, but at the same time, Christians must be governed by Scripture first, and practical considerations afterward. And in this case, God’s design for the family demonstrates that single women should not adopt and should not foster (except, perhaps, in cases of temporary emergency).
God has numerous reasons for confining sex to marriage, and one of those reasons is that sex results in children. When a married woman gets pregnant, the baby already has a built in set of parents – a father and a mother. That’s the way God designed things because God knows children need both a father and a mother.
But that’s not all – mothers need husbands/fathers, and fathers need wives/mothers. Until you have children, you cannot fully grasp how challenging, physically exhausting, frustrating, and emotionally draining motherhood can be, even under the best of circumstances with a husband. You also have no idea what a joy motherhood can be, and how your loneliness will exponentially increase without a husband to share that joy with.
Compounding the stress on a single foster mother is the fact that children who need foster care have usually spent quite some time in a horrific home situation. They’ve been abused, neglected, abandoned, exposed to drugs, violence, and other unspeakable atrocities. Those things do great damage to children, and, as a result, they often arrive at their foster homes with severe emotional and behavioral problems. And you won’t have a husband to help you. All of that will fall on you to handle, alone.
Consider also, that, unless you’re independently wealthy, if you’re a single woman, you’re going to be working full time. You’re going to take a child who needs extra attention, who’s likely to have been neglected or abandoned and turn around and abandon him again to a daycare or babysitter every day while you’re working. Even if you work from home, your attention won’t be fully focused on him. He doesn’t need that. He needs to be someone’s first priority for a change.
A foster child needs to be someone’s first priority for a change.
Perhaps the most important thing to ponder is this: What’s your motive for wanting to foster or adopt? Is it because you want children, and, without a husband, this seems like the best way to get them? Or, is it because God has given you a desire to help and minister to hurting children? In other words, is your motive “me-focused” or “ministry-focused”?
Is your motive “me-focused” or “ministry-focused”?
Forgive me for being overly direct, but if your motive is me-focused, single or married, you are the last person who should be fostering children. Me-focused people are what lands children in foster care in the first place.
God didn’t create children to make you feel fulfilled. We all want things in life that God has said no to, and God’s prescription for that is not to try to circumvent His “no” with loopholes like foster care, but to learn to be content in the circumstances in which He has placed us.
…I learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in abundance; in any and all things I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:11-13
God didn’t create children to make you feel fulfilled.
If you think your motive might be me-focused, may I make a suggestion? Take your eyes off your desire for children and refocus them on studying, meditating on, and memorizing Philippians 4. (Yes, the whole chapter. It’s only 23 verses long. You can do it!)
If your motive is truly ministry-focused, there are a number of ways you can minister to children besides becoming a single foster mother. Scripture tells us…
So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.
Galatians 6:10
…so start with your church. Set up an appointment with your pastor or the appropriate elder and explain your desire to minister to children with your church’s support.
Ask about ways to get involved with the children’s ministry at your church.
Volunteer to teach or help in children’s Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, Bible Drill, parents’ night out, or other children’s ministries.
Are there single parents in your church who need a hand with the kids from time to time?
Are there married couples -especially those who live far from family- who would welcome an “adopted” aunt or grandma (or at least occasional free babysitting) for their children?
Are there disadvantaged children who attend children’s outreach activities at your church whose parents aren’t members? Perhaps you could befriend the parent(s) and help out with their children.
If you already minister to children connected to your church and still have time to do more, look into ways you could minister to children in your community without parenting them.
Maybe there’s a parachurch or community organization (for example: Big Brothers / Big Sisters or something similar) that needs volunteers.
Does your denomination have a children’s home or orphanage? (Mine does.) Contact them to find out how to minister to the resident children.
Though, generally speaking, single women should not foster or adopt, exceptional or emergency situations involving family or close loved ones may arise that make it necessary: Your unmarried sister is sent to jail for 18 months, and you’re the only relative who can take her children in. You’re 22 and somewhat established in a good job and a decent place to live, and your parents die in a car accident, leaving behind your 16 year old brother who will be grown and out on his own in a few years.
In exceptional or emergency situations, I would urge you to first consider if you are truly the only option. Children in these situations still need a mother and a father, and the mother and father need each other.
If you are, indeed, the only option for these children, set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel, ask about any resources he’s aware of, and ask your church for prayer, help, and support. You’re going to need it, and the children in your care will too.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Ladies, do you believe in woman’s intuition? Do you have it? I’m not talking about premonitions– having a feeling that some future event is going to take place- I mean intuition. Being able, for example, to sense from a friend’s tone of voice that she’s having a bad day, noticing from the body language of two people who are “just friends” that romance is brewing beneath the surface, or discerning the tension between two people who are seemingly cordial to one another.
Maybe men have this “super power” too, but I’ve noticed it more with women. I believe it might have something to do with the way God has hard wired us. Nothing against men here (y’all are awesome in your own masculine way), but we women generally tend to be more sensitive to and concerned about other people’s feelings, we listen “between the lines,” and we hear and analyze tone of voice more. It’s one of the great things about the way God has created us that helps us as we nurture, comfort, and care for others.
But lately, I’m noticing that this “super power” of ours can also be a super problem.
Our sensitivity to tone (of voice, of writing, someone’s demeanor, etc.) is a hindrance rather than a help to us when we refuse to evaluate the content of what someone is saying to us simply because his manner of speaking, writing, or behavior has offended our sensibilities. This is especially harmful when that content is biblical truth.
Our sensitivity to tone is a hindrance rather than a help to us when we refuse to evaluate the *content* of what someone is saying simply because his manner of speaking, writing, or behavior has offended our sensibilities.
I have recently observed several instances of this, all involving women who, at best, found it difficult (with some outright refusing) to put aside their feelings of offense at the writer’s or speaker’s tone in order to compare the content of his speech or writing to Scripture to see if it might be true. (And, by the way, the speech and writing I’m referring to here are sermons, commentary, and articles, not someone writing or speaking to these women personally.) I can sympathize. It’s happened to me plenty of times.
Often, when we hear a fellow Christian put biblical truth bluntly in black and white and it rubs us the wrong way, our first reaction is to quote part of Ephesians 4:15 and chastise him for failing to “speak the truth in love.” But is that the only point of Ephesians 4? Let’s take a look at it in context:
And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
Ephesians 4:11-16 (emphasis mine)
When I was in elementary school, one of the reading comprehension tasks we were often assigned was to find the “main idea” of a piece of writing. So, what is the “main idea” of this passage in Ephesians 4? I’ll even make it multiple choice (my favorite!).
Is the main idea of the passage:
a) Teachers and preachers should speak the truth in love so that they will not offend anyone.
b) A discussion of the different types of leadership roles in the church.
c) Christian leaders are to equip church members to grow to spiritual maturity which builds spiritually healthy and unified churches.
While the passage touches on some of the ideas in a and b, the main point is c. We’re to grow up. We are to listen to preachers, teachers, and writers who rightly handle God’s word, even if we come across one every now and then who steps on our toes with his demeanor or tone.
And it’s important to remember that just because our feelings are hurt doesn’t necessarily mean the other person sinned or did anything wrong. Sometimes you and I take things the wrong way because we’re not listening, we’re not understanding, or because we’re incorrectly reading our own hurts and past experiences into what the other person is saying. And none of that is her fault.
Sometimes the reason we’re offended is because the other person is speaking or writing simply and directly without wrapping her words in fourteen pillows of feelings-coddling. (Believe it or not, this is the way people used to speak all the time before feelings became such an idol in our culture. You could just say things without all the caveats.) We’ve grown so used to everyone walking on egg shells and tiptoeing around everyone’s feelings when we write and speak, lest anyone be “triggered,” that when someone simply says what she has to say without beating around the bush, we take offense that she hasn’t bent over backwards in her wording to make sure our feelings haven’t been hurt. And that’s not her fault, either.
And finally, sometimes we think -or claim– our feelings have been hurt by the other person’s tone, when, really what’s happening is that the Holy Spirit is convicting us, or we know she’s right in what she’s saying but we’re too proud to admit it. And those things aren’t her fault, either.
Just because someone says something and you get offended doesn’t automatically mean she’s at fault. Sometimes the fault is yours.
Just because someone says something and you get offended doesn’t automatically mean she’s at fault. Sometimes the fault is yours.
Look, I know it’s hard. There are people out there who offend me sometimes, too, but persevering through the offense will grow us into mature women of Christ and make our churches healthier.
Statistically speaking, more women regularly attend church these days than men. And when I say “more,” I mean 61% women to 39% men. Can you imagine the impact it would have on the health of our churches if all of those women were pursuing spiritual maturity through biblical truth and sound doctrine?
Instead, we are often like a little girl in a burning building. The fireman is vehemently insisting that the little girl come with him to escape, and she refuses to move because he hasn’t said it nicely enough.
We are often like a little girl in a burning building. The fireman is vehemently insisting that the little girl come with him to escape, and she refuses to move because he hasn’t said it nicely enough.
Ladies, I say this to all of us (including me) in love, because true love is desiring what’s best for someone:
It’s time for us to grow up. It’s time to stop taking our dollies and stomping home from the playground in a huff every time somebody speaks or writes strenuously. It’s time to stop crying about our hurt feelings, put on our big girl panties and be women.
It’s time to stop taking our dollies and stomping home from the playground in a huff every time somebody speaks or writes strenuously. It’s time to stop crying about our hurt feelings, put on our big girl panties and be *women*.
Discerning women. Berean women. Women of God’s word. Women who can handle having our feathers ruffled and come out on the other side stronger for it.
Too often, we make the mistake of equating a soft tone of voice and a sweet disposition with “love”. But many of the people who speak with this kind of “love” are not speaking the truth. They are smooth talking, charismatic con men selling snake oil for our souls.
Too often, we make the mistake of equating a soft tone of voice and a sweet disposition with “love”. But many of the people who speak with this kind of “love” are not speaking the truth.
If we’re not careful, we can become people who “will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths” (2 Timothy 4:3-4), or “weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 3:6b-7), or even “children unwilling to hear the instruction of the Lord; who say…“Do not prophesy to us what is right; speak to us smooth things, prophesy illusions,” (Isaiah 30:9-11).
We forget that our Master, the perfect embodiment of love, didn’t always speak softly and act politely when the gospel was at stake. Because there are things out there that are much more important than our feelings, and biblical truth is one of them.
There are things out there that are much more important than our feelings, and biblical truth is one of them.
1. What are some attributes or character traits of a godly mother from Proverbs 31 that we can emulate? In today’s lesson, rather than attributes to emulate, we’ll be focusing on God’s instructions to obey for mothers. We’ll examine how we’re to regard motherhood and our children, how we’re to train our children in godliness, how we’re to discipline our children out of ungodliness, and the example we’re to set for our children. Some of these instructions can also apply to childless women in their relationships with their spiritual children (i.e. younger women or children they disciple) and others. As you read over today’s passages, explain how childless women might apply some of these Scriptures.
2. Examine the first three passages (Psalm 127-Titus 2) together. What do these passages say about how we are to regard motherhood and our children? What should the attitude of our hearts be? In what sense are children a reward? How do we know that Psalm 127:3 does not mean that if you act in a way that pleases the Lord He will reward your good behavior with children? What does this verse mean? Is loving your children (Titus 2:4) simply a feeling of affection toward them? If so, why would young women need to be trained to love their children? When you finish today’s lesson, come back to Titus 2:4 and give a fully-orbed biblical definition of what it means to love your children.
3. Examine the next five passages (Proverbs 22-Ephesians 6) together. Why does God want us to train our children in godliness? Explain the phrase “in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6). How does the gospel figure in to training your child? Look carefully at the three Old Testament passages. At what age should we begin training our children in godliness and the Scriptures and how long should this training continue? Is Proverbs 22:6 an iron-clad guarantee or promise from God that if we raise our children in a godly home they will definitely get saved and turn out to be godly adults? Why not? (Scroll down to the Deuteronomy 21 passage if you need help.)
To whom are the Colossians and Ephesians verses addressed? Does this mean they don’t apply to mothers or that it’s OK for mothers to provoke their children, but not fathers? If they apply to both parents, why are they addressed to fathers? How are we not to deal with our children according to these verses? What does it mean to provoke your children? Why are we not to provoke them (Colossians), and how are we to deal with them instead (Ephesians)? Compare Ephesians 6:4b to the Old Testament verses in this section. How are they similar?
3. Examine the next three passages (Proverbs 29-Deuteronomy 21) together. What is the purpose of godly discipline? What are the biblical definitions of the words “discipline” and “reproof”? Are discipline, reproof, and training the same as punishment? Why or why not? What are some of the consequences of disciplining your child? The consequences of refusing to discipline your child? According to Proverbs 13:24, what motivates someone to discipline her child? What motivates someone to refuse to discipline her child? Are “love” and “hate” simply emotional feelings in this verse or an attitude, posture, or orientation of mindset toward the child? Look closely at Deuteronomy 21:20. Is this passage most likely talking about a very young child or an older child/teenager? According to the Deuteronomy 21 passage, does godly discipline always result in an obedient son or daughter, or can there be exceptions to the rule?
Why is it important to both train your child in godly ways and discipline him out of ungodly ways? Explain how this fits into the “put off the ungodly, put on the godly” model of biblical sanctification.
4. Examine the last five passages (Deuteronomy 21-Matthew 10) together. What do these passages teach us about the godly example we need to set for our children?
Sometimes we see implicit instructions to parents in passages that explicitly teach children how to treat and regard their parents. For example, if there were a verse that said, “Children, love your parents,” we could learn from that verse that we need to act in a way (lovable) that makes it easier for our children to obey that Scripture. Considering this concept, look at the Exodus 20 and Proverbs 1 passages. If your children are to honor you, in what manner should you behave? What should your teaching be like if your children are not to forsake it and to consider it a “graceful garland” and a “pendant”?
What is the context of Ezekiel 16? To whom is the parent/child metaphor in this passage addressed? Explain the phrase “like mother, like daughter”. Why is it important to set a good example for our children with our own behavior, and why was this a good metaphor for God to use in addressing Israel’s unfaithfulness to Him?
Examine the Deuteronomy 21 and Matthew 10 passages together. What is to be a mother’s highest priority – her relationship with her child, even the life of her child, or her love for, obedience to, and loyalty to Christ? Do you love Christ more than your child? If you had to choose between your child and Christ, who would you choose? What message does it send to our children when we show and tell them that we love Christ more than we love them? How can you demonstrate to your child that your highest love and loyalty is reserved for Christ?
Homework
Examine each of the instructions in Deuteronomy 6:6-9. Make a list of practical ways your family could put each of these instructions into practice and discuss it with your husband. Together, pick one of these practices and implement it with your children this week.
