Christian singles – Michelle Lesley

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The Single’s Advantage
by Bob Wheatley

I used to think Paul was ridiculous.

He was God’s chosen apostle, a mouthpiece to the Gentiles, yet I somehow still found him offensive. What caused me to scoff at this heralded saint? It was not the beatings, the shipwrecks, or the hardships he faced. It was not his devotion, conversion, or capacity for love. Oh no. My contempt for this man stemmed from one page of Scripture, and a teaching that I loathed to my core.

Addressing the Christians at the church of Corinth, the apostle Paul once wrote:

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am … I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided … I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. —1 Corinthians 7:8, 32–34, 35 ESV

I could not believe what my eyes were reading. How could anyone believe that being single is better than being married? That thought seemed so foreign, so impossible to me, that it actually caused me to doubt my own level of faith.

If I couldn’t be joyful in singleness, then was my faith far weaker than I thought it was? Was I less of a Christian if I struggled with singleness?

But then, sure enough, my excuses came to the rescue. I knew that Paul had navigated his entire ministry without a woman at his side, but the truth is, Paul had a connection to the Lord that we cannot fathom—and all for good reason, of course.

The risen Jesus had physically appeared to Paul on the road to Damascus (Acts 9). As most theologians will attest, it was also Paul who had seen God, face-to-face, when he was caught up into the third heaven (2 Corinthians 12).

Those excuses were my reason to not take Paul’s words seriously.

Who knows, Paul? I joked to myself. Maybe even I could forsake companionship, sex, and the blessings of marriage if I too had been snatched into heaven!

But that wasn’t true. If I’m being honest, I did not want to go deeper with God.

I really just wanted a wife.

Without experiencing a miraculous vision on the road to Damascus, I would not allow Paul’s words to dissuade me.

But then, everything turned upside down.

My Hero of the Faith

One afternoon, I was reading a book by Eric Metaxas¹. The book was called Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. This book told the story of a German pastor, living during World War II under the Nazi regime. The name of this German was Dietrich Bonhoeffer¹, and his testimony would change my life.

I had never experienced a book like Bonhoeffer.

Like most readers, I often resonate with characters in a book in some form or fashion. It is one of the things I love most about books. Whether fiction or fact, novel or biography, I find nuggets and nuances that can bind me to characters.

It was C. S. Lewis² who once said, “In reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself.” And yet, my reading of Bonhoeffer felt deeper than that.

With nearly every word I read, I saw a clearer and clearer reflection of myself. It never stopped! Whispers and subtlety soon gave way to weirdness.

Dietrich’s spirit, habits, passions, and faults—somehow, I possessed them all:

His mind operated in black and white

His tongue often spoke in absolutes

His bedroom, like mine, was fit for a Spartan

In this young, fiery pastor, I had found a more righteous, more accomplished, more intelligent version of me.

Though separated by time and a great many miles, I had found my new hero of the faith. But the game would soon turn sour.

The Single’s Advantage

I soon came across a different quote, and it ended my honeymoon instantly. This quote was made by another pastor who was a mentor and friend of Bonhoeffer’s.

He found the young Dietrich to be “quite outstanding,” and he praised him with the utmost enthusiasm. But it was the subsequent line, coming just one sentence later, that challenged my view of the world.

Still speaking of Bonhoeffer, the pastor said:

“He has in addition the special Pauline advantage in that he is unmarried.”

The Pauline what?

There I was, reading Bonhoeffer, still enchanted by a wiser and much grander “me,” only to be confronted by my greatest private struggle. Like Bonhoeffer before me, I, too, was unmarried. My extended season of singleness—which had lasted for years at that point—felt like more of a punishment than a “Pauline advantage.”

And yet, there I was, reading of another man—and a godly man, at that—who affirmed Paul’s words from 1 Corinthians 7. Heckel praised Dietrich Bonhoeffer because he was single.

How could that possibly be?

As I pondered that question, I considered Paul’s words that had irked me so much. “I say this for your own benefit,” he had said to his readers. And what benefit did he say that singleness could bring?

“An undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:35 ESV).

Paul’s words had presented a fork in the road. They forced me to wrestle with some sensitive questions: Could I call myself a Christian while ignoring Paul’s letter? How might my life have to change if his opinions were true? And then, the most dangerous question of all:

What if my singleness was an advantage?

That was the day my quest began. I had made my decision, right then and there, to simply take Paul at his word. I would try to find purpose in my season of singleness.

Top Three Advantages of Being Single

What happened next was nothing short of radical. I decided that I would no longer be consumed with seeking a wife. Instead, my focus would be much simpler than that: I simply would focus on Jesus.

Day by day, I saw my character being changed from the inside out. What once felt like torture turned into a blessing.

I ended up writing an entire book on the subject, but here are the three top “advantages” that I’ve found in my singleness:

1. MORE TIME FOR GOD

The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.” —1 Corinthians 7:32-34 ESV

I have a number of newly-married friends who have affirmed this reality for me.

Sometimes, these friends simply do not have the time to read their Bibles in the morning. They lose out on quiet time. They can’t pray as much as they did while unmarried.

The single Christian—although potentially facing more loneliness—certainly has more time to seek the Lord.

Are you taking advantage of the time that you have?

2. MORE TIME FOR YOU

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” —Ephesians 2:10 ESV

Relationships take up a lot of time. In both dating and marriage relationships alike, our time must be shared with the person at our side.

When our interests are “divided,” we have less time in the day to serve our church, discover our passions, develop our skills, advance professionally, or wait on the Lord to reveal His will.

In your season of singleness, you have the unique ability to discover your gifts, talents, passions, and burdens.

What works do you think God has “prepared in advance” for you? Ask Him to guide you to His will for your life!

3. MORE TIME FOR SUFFERING

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. —Hebrews 12:11 ESV

I realize that this claim might feel stark, but stick with me here.

Make no mistake, it is actually suffering, not pleasure, that develops our character into holiness.

In fact, Hebrews 2:10 even says that Jesus Himself was made perfect through suffering.

By walking through our seasons of singleness, God is molding and shaping us into His image.

All pain is painful, but not all pain is harmful.

You can trust your Father to make the most of this season.

Final Thoughts

Thanks to the apostle Paul and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I took a radical approach to my season of singleness. I made a concerted effort to give Jesus my heart. Nothing was off limits. Everything was His. My heart, soul, mind, and strength were focused on the One that I longed for.

What I had not realized before is that in my season of singleness, God has given me the time and space to seek Him, walk with Him, and grow my trust in Him.

And then, one day, after months and years of seeking the Lord, the reality finally hit me: I was living the Pauline advantage.

And now, you can be as well.

¹Note from Michelle: There are doctrinal/biblical issues with both Eric Metaxas and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which the reader may research on her own if she wishes. The publication of this guest post should not be construed as my recommendation of either of these men as doctrinally sound teachers to follow.

² Note from Michelle: C.S. Lewis

Bob Wheatley is a bestselling author, keynote speaker, and former professional athlete. His work has been featured on Way-FM, The FISH, KCBI Christian Radio, ESPN, FOX Sports, and various other international outlets. He lives in Nashville, Tennessee.

Bob has graciously offered the audiobook version of his book, Single-Minded: Finding Purpose & Strength in Your Season of Singleness, free of charge to my readers. Thank you, Bob! Click HERE to download.

Mailbag, Parenting

The Mailbag: Should single women foster or adopt children?

June 3, 2025June 2, 2025 Michelle Lesley

Should single women foster or foster to adopt?

It’s a great question, and a decision that shouldn’t be entered into lightly.

I know that there’s an urgent need for foster parents, so I hate to exclude anyone who’s willing, but at the same time, Christians must be governed by Scripture first, and practical considerations afterward. And in this case, God’s design for the family demonstrates that single women should not adopt and should not foster (except, perhaps, in cases of temporary emergency).

God has numerous reasons for confining sex to marriage, and one of those reasons is that sex results in children. When a married woman gets pregnant, the baby already has a built in set of parents – a father and a mother. That’s the way God designed things because God knows children need both a father and a mother.

But that’s not all – mothers need husbands/fathers, and fathers need wives/mothers. Until you have children, you cannot fully grasp how challenging, physically exhausting, frustrating, and emotionally draining motherhood can be, even under the best of circumstances with a husband. You also have no idea what a joy motherhood can be, and how your loneliness will exponentially increase without a husband to share that joy with.

Compounding the stress on a single foster mother is the fact that children who need foster care have usually spent quite some time in a horrific home situation. They’ve been abused, neglected, abandoned, exposed to drugs, violence, and other unspeakable atrocities. Those things do great damage to children, and, as a result, they often arrive at their foster homes with severe emotional and behavioral problems. And you won’t have a husband to help you. All of that will fall on you to handle, alone.

Consider also, that, unless you’re independently wealthy, if you’re a single woman, you’re going to be working full time. You’re going to take a child who needs extra attention, who’s likely to have been neglected or abandoned and turn around and abandon him again to a daycare or babysitter every day while you’re working. Even if you work from home, your attention won’t be fully focused on him. He doesn’t need that. He needs to be someone’s first priority for a change.

A foster child needs to be someone’s first priority for a change.
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Perhaps the most important thing to ponder is this: What’s your motive for wanting to foster or adopt? Is it because you want children, and, without a husband, this seems like the best way to get them? Or, is it because God has given you a desire to help and minister to hurting children? In other words, is your motive “me-focused” or “ministry-focused”?

Is your motive “me-focused” or “ministry-focused”?
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Forgive me for being overly direct, but if your motive is me-focused, single or married, you are the last person who should be fostering children. Me-focused people are what lands children in foster care in the first place.

God didn’t create children to make you feel fulfilled. We all want things in life that God has said no to, and God’s prescription for that is not to try to circumvent His “no” with loopholes like foster care, but to learn to be content in the circumstances in which He has placed us.

…I learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in abundance; in any and all things I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:11-13

God didn’t create children to make you feel fulfilled.
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If you think your motive might be me-focused, may I make a suggestion? Take your eyes off your desire for children and refocus them on studying, meditating on, and memorizing Philippians 4. (Yes, the whole chapter. It’s only 23 verses long. You can do it!)

If your motive is truly ministry-focused, there are a number of ways you can minister to children besides becoming a single foster mother. Scripture tells us…

So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.
Galatians 6:10

…so start with your church. Set up an appointment with your pastor or the appropriate elder and explain your desire to minister to children with your church’s support.

Ask about ways to get involved with the children’s ministry at your church.
Volunteer to teach or help in children’s Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, Bible Drill, parents’ night out, or other children’s ministries.
Are there single parents in your church who need a hand with the kids from time to time?
Are there married couples -especially those who live far from family- who would welcome an “adopted” aunt or grandma (or at least occasional free babysitting) for their children?
Are there disadvantaged children who attend children’s outreach activities at your church whose parents aren’t members? Perhaps you could befriend the parent(s) and help out with their children.

If you already minister to children connected to your church and still have time to do more, look into ways you could minister to children in your community without parenting them.

Perhaps emergency foster care or respite foster care would be an option.
Maybe there’s a parachurch or community organization (for example: Big Brothers / Big Sisters or something similar) that needs volunteers.
Does your denomination have a children’s home or orphanage? (Mine does.) Contact them to find out how to minister to the resident children.

Though, generally speaking, single women should not foster or adopt, exceptional or emergency situations involving family or close loved ones may arise that make it necessary: Your unmarried sister is sent to jail for 18 months, and you’re the only relative who can take her children in. You’re 22 and somewhat established in a good job and a decent place to live, and your parents die in a car accident, leaving behind your 16 year old brother who will be grown and out on his own in a few years.

In exceptional or emergency situations, I would urge you to first consider if you are truly the only option. Children in these situations still need a mother and a father, and the mother and father need each other.

If you are, indeed, the only option for these children, set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel, ask about any resources he’s aware of, and ask your church for prayer, help, and support. You’re going to need it, and the children in your care will too.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: You can’t always get what you want, but Jesus is all you need.

April 23, 2024April 20, 2024 Michelle Lesley

I found this article because I am a Christian single 37 year old woman. I have yet to meet a man that would be a suitable partner. And by that I mean everyone I’ve dated over the last two decades has shown major red flags I can not in good conscience ignore. Impossibly entitled/self oriented, pushing for sex without commitment/marriage, all taking no giving, general apathy, not marriage minded, secret addiction issues… You name it. I’ve seen it. And as soon as I do see it I don’t stick around long. I really have done everything I can think of and stayed out of trouble.

In any case, the church has no great answers for single women who are running out of time and followed all the rules so to speak. What is life even supposed to look like without a family… without a husband? Are we to marry bad men if good ones aren’t available? Are we to forgo the joys and meaning of rearing our children and creating life? The highest and most sacred calling the church asks of women? I feel quite powerless, and I’m beginning to get twinges of resentment towards men in general for failing me and many other great women. All the families and children that will never be. Life’s natural and beautiful progressions and chapters cannot take place without a good husband. The enormity of the grief I’m beginning to feel if I don’t meet someone in time is beyond comprehension. If you were to get a call one day and learn your husband and children all died… It’s like that. Except you didn’t even get to have any time with them in your life at all. Let that sink in before you judge or talk someone out of making the best out of a less than ideal situation to make a family. Get mad at the men. No one wants to do it alone. I’m sure this wasn’t her preferred plan. Or start speaking to what God’s plan is for single women. Cause mathematically there’s more single Christian ladies than single men and this outcome is quite inevitable and predictable. Yet the church stays quiet or rails on about getting married which causes a great silent pain in many hearts like mine… To whom shall I marry?

My dear sister, my heart goes out to you in your pain. Although I felt much the same way before I met my husband, I was much younger than you are, and I was not single as long as you have been. So, I won’t say I know how you feel, because I don’t. But I do sympathize. I understand that your pain is very real, and though I wish there were something I could do to alleviate it, I can’t.

But Jesus can.

I don’t mean that in some trite, Pollyanna way. I mean that in the way Scripture means it. You must find your contentment, your completeness, your satisfaction, in Christ, despite your circumstances. And that goes for all of us, because all of us suffer in one way or another. So let’s all take a look at God’s way of working through these types of difficult situations.

You must find your contentment, your completeness, your satisfaction, in Christ, *despite* your circumstances.
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You must be born again.

I’m not accusing you of not being a Christian because of your question or the way you expressed yourself. But I don’t know you. And on the internet: anyone can claim to be anything, a lot of people don’t have a biblical definition of the word “Christian,” and there are a lot of false converts out there. So I never assume that someone who says she’s a Christian has actually been born again. Besides that, I just like sharing the gospel.

If, for some reason, you (or anyone reading this) have never heard the biblical gospel and responded to it in repentance and faith in Christ, you must do that today. Immediately. Your eternity is at stake. Additionally, you will never find the peace and contentment you seek if you are not in Christ.

Click on the What must I do to be saved? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, and prayerfully work your way through it. When you get finished with that, work through my Bible study on assurance: Am I Really Saved? A First John Check Up.

Become a faithful, active, member of a doctrinally sound local church.

Not just any church. A doctrinally sound church.

If I had to guess from some of the thoughts and phraseology in your comment, I would guess you’re either not in church right now or not in a doctrinally sound church. Why?

In a doctrinally sound church, you don’t find that “everyone” of the single men are “impossibly entitled/self oriented, pushing for sex without commitment/marriage, all taking no giving, general apathy, not marriage minded, secret addiction issues…”. Generally speaking, men like that aren’t saved and don’t hang around doctrinally sound churches.

Additionally, if you were in a doctrinally sound church, you would have been taught and discipled not to date men like that because they’re most likely not saved, and Scripture commands you not to be unequally yoked in marriage with an unbeliever.

Furthermore, this: Let that sink in before you judge or talk someone out of making the best out of a less than ideal situation to make a family. Get mad at the men... is patently unbiblical. I realize you may have just been venting and didn’t really mean it, but you did not learn this line of thinking in a doctrinally sound church. This is pragmatism and bitterness. Christians do not “make the best out of” anything by sinning. Christians obey God even when their flesh wants to do something else. And my telling a Christian that is not “judging,” it’s biblical instruction.

You need to immerse yourself in a doctrinally sound local church immediately.

I want to be very clear that I am not telling you to join a good church in order to catch a good husband (although you certainly have a much better chance of that if you’re in a good church).

I’m telling you to join a good church a) because it is every Christian’s obligation and privilege to be joined to a doctrinally sound church, and b) because a solid church will train you, help you, encourage you to learn to be content in Christ, and will comfort you in your pain when you’re having a rough day.

Click on Searching for a new church? in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. If you’re already a member of a church, start reading the resources in the What to look for in a church section, and see if your church matches up. If it doesn’t, or if you’re currently disobeying God’s command not to forsake the assembly, repent and scroll back up to the church search engines section. (I’d recommend starting with Founders first, then G3, then The Master’s Seminary, then the others.)

Pursue Christ, not a husband.

…The highest and most sacred calling the church asks of women?

The highest and most sacred calling a doctrinally sound church will call women and men to is to pursue Christ. For a church or an individual to put anything ahead of pursuing Christ is idolatry.

I know what you’re going through grieves you, but you’re going to be even more miserable if you continually focus on what you don’t have – a husband and children – than what you do have as a Believer – Christ. Discontent – in any circumstance – only makes things worse. Believe me, I’ve been there.

You’re going to be even more miserable if you continually focus on what you don’t have -a husband and children- than what you do have as a Believer- Christ. Discontent -in any circumstance- only makes things worse.
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Focus your life on pursuing Christ. Get up every day and study the Word. Spend copious amounts of time in prayer. Faithfully attend and serve your church. Share the gospel. Disciple younger women. Be consumed with Christ and you won’t be consumed by discontent.

Be consumed with Christ and you won’t be consumed by discontent.
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RSVP to the Pity Party:
☑️ Will Not Attend

Brace yourself. It’s time for a little tough love. For all of us:

Suck it up, buttercup. Yes, your suffering is real and not unimportant. Yes, it’s excruciating at times. But nowhere in Scripture will you find God saying that self-pity is a godly pastime. And you’re not the only one out there who’s suffering. Look to Christ. He suffered far more than any of us, yet He didn’t feel sorry for Himself. In His season of greatest suffering, He served.

…Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

Therefore, let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.

1 Peter 2:21b-23, 4:19

Recently, I was reading several related psalms, and I noticed the repeated phrase, “I will lift up my eyes”. Stop the narcissistic navel gazing and lift your eyes up to Christ crucified for your sins, raised for your justification, ascended into Heaven, and seated at the right hand of God. And then look around you at the people He would have you serve, following in His steps.

Self-pity leads to bitterness. Just say no.

You can’t always get what you want.

We all have to face up to the fact that just because we want something doesn’t mean that’s what God wants for us. You may never get married. Some women are unable to bear children. I have a friend who has been disabled all his life. There are lots of things he wanted to be able to do, physically, that he’s never been able to do. I have another friend who will never have grandchildren because of the choices her children have made. God is denying me something in my own life right now -maybe permanently- and it’s extraordinarily painful.

We all have to face up to the fact that just because we want something doesn’t mean that’s what God wants for us. And He is still good.
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And He is still good. Everything He does in our lives is for His glory and our good. He knows what’s best for us. The question is,

will we submit to what He wants rather than insisting on what we want?
will we trust that He knows, far better than we do, what’s best for us?
do we want Him more than we want that thing we’re so desperate for?

Being a Christian means surrendering everything we are, and everything we want, to Christ to do with as He pleases. What do we get in return? We get Him. And He is far more than enough.

Being a Christian means surrendering everything we are, and everything we want, to Christ to do with as He pleases. What do we get in return? We get Him. And He is far more than enough.
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Let’s get specific…

What is life even supposed to look like without a family… without a husband?

It is supposed to look like a godly single woman pursuing Christ, being content in Christ, and loving and serving her family, friends, and church.

Are we to marry bad men if good ones aren’t available?

Of course not. Even pagans know better than that, and certainly no doctrinally sound Christian or church would suggest such a thing, especially when the Bible commands otherwise.

Are we to forgo the joys and meaning of rearing our children and creating life?

Yes. If God doesn’t see fit for you to marry, you are absolutely to forgo those joys and meanings. You are to joyfully open your hand, let go, and sacrifice those things to Him knowing that He has something different for your life. Something that will bring more glory to Him and will consequently be better for you.

I’m beginning to get twinges of resentment towards men in general for failing me and many other great women.

Stop that right now. That is, indeed, sinful resentment. Repent of that. You also need to examine your heart and consider whether or not your desire for marriage has risen to the level of coveteousness. Demanding, idolizing, and fretting over something God has told you “no” about right now is coveting. If that’s what’s happening, repent.

“Men in general” have not failed you or anyone else. Stop blaming them. God is sovereign over every atom of this universe. If He wanted you to be married right now, you would be.

All the families and children that will never be.

There are precisely the number of families and children God wants there to be. God decides that, not people.

Life’s natural and beautiful progressions and chapters cannot take place without a good husband.

No, marriage’s natural and beautiful progressions and chapters cannot take place without a good husband. Just because you don’t have a husband doesn’t mean you don’t have a life. You have a life that, right now, is to be lived for the glory of God as a single woman. And that life is not devoid of beauty. God don’t make ugly, honey.

The enormity of the grief I’m beginning to feel if I don’t meet someone in time is beyond comprehension.

Yes, your grief is valid and real. It is also to come under the lordship of Christ and not consume you. When grief overwhelms you, praise Him. Worship Him. Thank Him. Remember His promises. Ask Him to get that grief under control and put it where it belongs: at His nail-pierced feet.

Ask God to get that grief under control and put it where it belongs: at His nail-pierced feet.
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I would encourage you to read through and pray through the Psalms, especially the ones in which the psalmist cries out to God in the dark night of his soul. Nearly all of them end with him praising God. And so many of those psalms, and others, encourage us to “wait upon the Lord”.

Waiting upon the Lord is not running ten miles down the road from what He’s currently doing in your life and hollering after Him to hurry up and catch up with you, while you impatiently tap your foot and drum your fingers. Waiting upon the Lord is what we see Israel doing during their forty years in the wilderness. When the pillar of cloud set out, they would follow it to their next destination. When it stopped, they set up camp and waited for it to move again. A day. A couple of weeks. A few months. Whatever length of time it took.

“In time” is God’s time. Trusting Him includes trusting His timing.

Trusting God includes trusting His timing.
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If you were to get a call one day and learn your husband and children all died… It’s like that. Except you didn’t even get to have any time with them in your life at all.

It’s nothing like that. Refusing to be content in Christ in the season of life in which He has currently placed you is not comparable to grieving the loss of my husband and children. Now, if, after I had lost them, I refused to be content in that new season of my life, that would be comparable.

Let that sink in before you judge or talk someone out of making the best out of a less than ideal situation to make a family.

Again, this is not biblical. You are speaking from fleshly grief and self pity, not from the mind of Christ or the Word of God. You’re lashing out at me because you’re hurting.

When I tell someone that the Bible says something is sin and she can’t do it, I’m not offering my biased, subjective personal opinion and pragmatic advice, nor am I “judging” her. I’m telling her what God says because I love her.

You can’t make the best out of a bad situation by sinning. You can only make the best out of a bad situation by obeying God’s Word. Sinning just makes a bad situation worse.

You can’t make the best out of a bad situation by sinning. You can only make the best out of a bad situation by obeying God’s Word. Sinning just makes a bad situation worse.
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Get mad at the men.

No. It is not “the men’s” fault that you’re single or that the woman in the IVF article defied God’s plan for the family or chose to abuse a child by intentionally denying him a father. Stop blaming other people for the season of life God has sovereignly put you in, bow the knee to Him, and find your contentment in Christ.

No one wants to do it alone. I’m sure this wasn’t her preferred plan.

Is that what she’s going to say when she stands before God on Judgment Day? “So what if I defied You? I didn’t want to do it alone. This wasn’t my preferred plan.”.

This is pragmatism and excuse making.

Or start speaking to what God’s plan is for single women.

Honey, I’m one of the few doctrinally sound voices out there who is speaking to what God’s plan is for single women. And married women. And divorced women. And widowed women. And childless women. And women with children. And disabled women. And able bodied women. And women who stay home. And women who work outside the home. And…

Single women aren’t a special class of Christian, and neither are any of the other categories I just named. God’s plan for all of us is to wake up every day and live in obedience to His Word in whatever circumstances He has sovereignly placed us in. Period. That’s God’s plan for you, single woman.

And furthermore, I did speak specifically to what God’s plan was for the single woman in the IVF article and you didn’t like it. You accused me of being unsympathetic and judgmental. You can’t have it both ways.

Cause mathematically there’s more single Christian ladies than single men and this outcome is quite inevitable and predictable.

Sin. God’s will. Obedience to Scripture. None of these things are determined by statistics, by the ends justifying the means, or by pragmatism. They’re determined by God’s written Word.

Yet the church stays quiet or rails on about getting married which causes a great silent pain in many hearts like mine.

Forget what “the church” is or isn’t doing. You don’t have to listen to “the church,” you only need to concern yourself with your church. If your church is either unbiblically staying quiet or unbiblically railing on about getting married, talk to your pastor about your concerns and, if nothing changes, find a doctrinally sound church.

If your church is teaching biblically about marriage, you’re the one who needs to change. Ask God to help you. Stay in the Word and in prayer. Set up an appointment for counsel with your pastor. Find a godly older woman in your church – preferably one who’s single, if possible – to disciple you.

If you’re currently forsaking the assembly, sweep around your own front door, stop blaming “the church,” repent, and join a doctrinally sound church.

To whom shall I marry?

You’re asking the wrong question. Stop coveting a husband and start asking God how you can bloom where He has planted you. How you can glorify Him by submitting your will to His. How you can honor Him by your obedience to Scripture.

God never promised us a bed of roses on this earth. He told us to count the cost.

Now let’s all pick up our crosses and get moving. There’s Kingdom work to be done.

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.

1 Corinthians 7:17a

Biblical Womanhood Bible Study

Imperishable Beauty: Lesson 13- The Beauty of Single Sainthood

January 23, 2019August 28, 2019 Michelle Lesley

Previous Lessons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

Read These Selected Scriptures

For the past few lessons, we’ve looked at biblical womanhood in the family – our roles as daughters, wives, and mothers. Today, we’re rounding out this portion of the study by examining the unique and honorable biblical role of the single woman. Next week, we’ll begin looking at biblical womanhood in the church setting.

(For the purposes of this lesson, we are simply looking at how a woman who is not currently married – regardless of how she came to be unmarried (never married, divorced, widowed) – can honor God in her daily life as an unmarried woman. We will not be delving into the various biblical/unbiblical aspects of divorce, whether or not never married women want to get married, whether widows today should remarry, etc. Those sorts of things are beyond the scope of this lesson and can be dealt with elsewhere.)

Questions to Consider

1. Briefly review Lesson 11, question 1 (link above). What were some of the character traits you listed from Proverbs 31 that should be traits of a godly woman regardless of her marital status? Today, we’ll be taking a look at some other qualities of godly single women and God’s instructions to them.

2. Examine the Luke 20 passage. Is marriage a temporal (earthly) state or an eternal (Heavenly) state? What will be the marital status of everyone in Heaven? How does the temporality of marriage demonstrate that being married and being single are simply two different avenues for serving Christ during our earthly lives?

3. Examine the Isaiah, Matthew, and Galatians passages together. Which two groups of people does the Isaiah passage talk about? (3) What was a eunuch? Go to the Matthew passage. In what three ways does verse 12 say that people can become eunuchs? How could the phrase “made eunuchs by men” apply to someone who is involuntarily single (wants to marry but hasn’t had the opportunity)? What does the phrase “made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” mean?

How would the people Isaiah was addressing have understood the term “foreigner“? (3)

Think about the supreme importance Israel placed on marriage and offspring, and the importance they (should have) placed on separating themselves from pagan people from foreign nations. What would the social status of eunuchs and foreigners have been in the eyes of the average Israelite? What word does verse 8 use to describe them?

Yet, how does God view eunuchs and foreigners who love Him and are faithful to Him? (3-8) Does He judge them by their nationality or marital status? Is there a “back of the bus” section of the Kingdom for foreigners? (3a) Are eunuchs worthless to God because they have not married and borne children? (3b) What promises and comforts does God give these “outcasts”? (4-7) What is their worth in God’s eyes?

Galatians 3:28 is sometimes described with the phrase, “The ground is level at the foot of the cross.” Explain how this applies to salvation and membership in the Body with regard to the concept “there is neither single nor married”.

Unmarried church members sometimes lament that they are treated as second class citizens by their church families. How should these three passages inform the way married church members value, love, fellowship with, and include unmarried church family members? How should these passages inform the way single church members participate in the church body and reach out to and bond with brothers and sisters who are married?

4. Study the 1 Corinthians passages. Was Paul married or single at this point? (7-8) What is his preference regarding Christians marrying, assuming they can faithfully carry it out? (7-8) What word does Paul use to describe both marriage and singlehood? (7) Is this a positive word or a negative word? List some ways marriage and singlehood can both be good gifts when harnessed for the glory of God.

In your own words, what does verse 9 mean? What is the implicit instruction to single people about sex in this verse?

Look at 32-40. What are some of the reasons Paul’s preference (7-8) is for Christians to remain unmarried? What are some of the ways married people could be distracted from serving Christ? What are some ways single people could be distracted from serving Christ? (9, 36-37) List some ways you can, whether married or single, have an “undivided devotion to the Lord” and be “anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit.”

5. Study the 1 Timothy passage. Strictly in its immediate context, what is this passage about? What are the responsibilities of the church toward elderly widows? Toward young widows? What is the responsibility of the widow’s family to care for her (4,8,16)?

Now let’s take a broader view of this passage and examine it strictly for the godly and ungodly character traits and behaviors it describes. Make a list of the godly character traits and behaviors of a widow. Make a list of the ungodly character traits and behaviors of a widow. A widow is, fundamentally, a woman who does not currently have a husband. Could these character traits and behaviors apply to non-widowed unmarried women? What can you learn from this passage about pleasing God in your life as a single woman? What is the church’s responsibility toward single women? What is the single woman’s family’s responsibility toward her? What is her responsibility toward her family?

Homework

Consider the relationship between singles and marrieds in your church. Brainstorm some ways you as a single woman could reach out to, fellowship with, and disciple married women in your church. (Married women- vice versa.) This week, pray about, (and, if necessary, talk to your pastor/elders about) how you could put one of these ideas into practice.

Suggested Memory Verse

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Galatians 3:28

Sovereignty of God, Trust

Blog Swap ~ I Haven’t Been Trusting the Lord

April 8, 2015April 18, 2019 Michelle Lesley

It’s time for another awesome blog swap! Blog swaps give me the opportunity to share other talented bloggers with you, plus offer you fresh content that’s a great supplement to our regular fare here. If you’d like to do a swap, click on the link above for more information.

I’m happy to be introducing another new blog to you today: Highly Sensitive Christian. Highly Sensitive Christian is a blog about one woman’s journey as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), a condition not many are familiar with. (You can find out more about HSP here.) Highly Sensitive Christian has some great articles on coping with HSP, how to relate to people with HSP, living as a single Christian woman in your thirties, and other fantastic Christian Living articles.

It’s one of these Christian Living articles I wanted to share with you today. Recently, God made me aware of the fact that when I pray, I often “micromanage” Him, spelling out exactly how, when, and what I want Him to do to answer my prayers. I realized this demonstrates a lack of trust in His wisdom and sovereignty. “Coincidentally” Highly Sensitive Christian has a great article on this topic that – while written from the perspective of a single woman desiring to be married – I found helpful. I hope you will, too.

Do I trust the Lord to know and be concerned about the desires of my heart? Yes. Do I know that he wants what is the very best for my sanctification and growth? Of course. Do I believe that He will give me a fulfilling life, whether single or married? Definitely.

But…

Do I believe that the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, holy Lord of all creation will remember that I desire to be married, if I don’t worry about it constantly and remind Him about it every 30 minutes or so? Well, no. I haven’t been believing that. So, I’ve been reminding him fairly regularly.

Head on over to Highly Sensitive Christian and check out this awesome article, I Haven’t Been Trusting the Lord.

How can your prayers demonstrate more trust in God’s sovereignty?