Category: Throwback Thursday

Parenting, Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday ~ The 10 Commandments of Parenting- 9

Michelle Lesley

Originally published July 14, 200810 Commandments Parenting 9

9.
Thou shalt be forgiving.

“bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” Colossians 3:13

Imagine a home where there was no forgiveness. Anger and bitterness would reign supreme. Old wounds would be nursed and rehearsed. Grudges would be held tightly as treasured friends. Is this kind of home healthy for anyone, let alone children? Is it Christlike?

Of course not. In our homes, the place where we are most inclined to let it all hang out, forgiveness is even more vital than in any other venue. If you have a husband and/or children, you know that the people who live in your house are going to mess up. Royally, at times. And guess what? So are you.

How will you want to be treated when you mess up? I’m guessing that while you’ll understand your family will be disappointed in you, you’ll still want them to find it in their hearts to forgive you once they work through that disappointment. In obedience to the “Golden Rule” (Luke 6:31), therefore, you’ve got to extend forgiveness when your husband or children offend you.

When we forgive each other, we paint a picture of God’s forgiveness. Just as God does not condone our sin when He forgives us, the forgiveness we extend on the human level does not mean that the offender’s actions were OK. It is merely a way of saying, “I’m going to let this go instead of continually holding it against you.”

God deeply values forgiveness. It is the entire reason He sent His Son, Jesus, to earth and allowed Him to be brutalized to death. Jesus endured all that pain and degradation so that each of us could be forgiven for offending God. And, if God could go through all of that to forgive us, how could we – out of love for Him – ever refuse to forgive our loved ones?

Christmas, Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday ~ 8 Christmas Tradition Do-Overs (and Do Over and Overs!)

Michelle Lesley

Originally published December 18, 2014

I love being one of the “older sisters” in the Christian blogosphere.  Reading about other writers’ young children brings back sweet memories of when mine were that little. It also gives me the opportunity to occasionally bring in the “been there, done that, here’s how I would go back and do it better if I could” perspective. And that’s what I’d like to share with you today.

I wish I had realized as a young mother that once you start a Christmas precedent, or fail to start one, it can be really hard to change later. Looking back over 20+ years, here are some Christmas traditions and precedents I would go back and change, and others I’m glad we started early and kept.

1.
I wish we had minimized gifts.

Instead of showering each child with several gifts, large and small, I think I would either do one “large” gift plus stockings (candy and dollar store type items), or two to three small to moderate gifts, plus stockings, per child. Not only does limiting the number and price of gifts cut down on the holiday “gimmes” so you can refocus Christmas on Christ, but there are a couple of practical reasons this can be helpful. First, if your family is still growing, you may end up with too many children (we have six) for multiple gifts to be financially feasible. Second, family finances aren’t foolproof. Your husband could lose his job. You could decide you want to be a stay at home mom instead of working. Anything could happen. If your kids are used to tons of gifts every year, a financial setback will make Christmas disappointing.

2.
I wish we had given more experiences and fewer material gifts.

We’ve all bemoaned the kids getting a toy they’ve BEGGED for for months only to play with it for a few days and tire of it. Not only that, but toys can take up a lot of space. And think back to your own childhood. What do you remember and appreciate more, the material gifts you received, or the memories of spending special time with your family? Plus, experiences can be spaced out over months and weeks and can be enjoyed all year long (and they don’t even have to be wrapped!). How about giving each child a calendar for the new year with things penciled in on certain dates? An afternoon at the skate park. A day trip to the aquarium. Lessons he wants to take. Mother-daughter mani-pedis. A family outing to a local festival. Making cookies together. It gives everyone something to look forward to.

3.
I wish we had done Advent. 

I’m a lifelong Southern Baptist, and, not to sound too old and codger-y, but, in my day, we really didn’t do Advent (a lot of SBC churches still don’t). I was in my 30’s before we began attending a church that even did Advent candles on the Sundays leading up to Christmas. And I was in my 40’s before I became aware of all the wonderful devotionals and worship activites available for families to enjoy together during the Christmas season. Nightly family worship is a great way to bring the focus of Christmas back to Christ.

4.
I wish we had “rescheduled” our December baby.

Don’t get me wrong here. I would still have my son, just in January, if possible, instead of December. Of course, pregnancies can be unpredictable, and babies are a blessing no matter when they arrive, but as anyone born between Thanksgiving and New Year’s can attest, birthdays around the holidays tend to get lost in the shuffle. It is extremely difficult to schedule a child’s birthday party in December and have anyone attend because everyone is already committed to Christmas parties, family activities, and traveling. December birthday presents and parties also add to the expense of the holidays.

5.
I’m glad I did a yearly Christmas newsletter.

I started doing this the first year we were married. While most folks write a little blurb about what each family member has been up to since last Christmas, my format is a bit different. I do twelve little blurbs, hitting our family highlights for each month of the past year. When I’m finished, I send them out with my Christmas cards. I also keep a copy and put it into my “newsletter notebook.” Now, we have a complete family history. My kids love reading back through them every year, and it has also been helpful to us for record-keeping and filling out forms (remembering which year we moved to a certain house or when a child sustained a particular injury, for example).

6.
I’m glad I didn’t do a “theme tree”.

I have seen some absolutely gorgeous Christmas trees. There’s a color scheme. All the ornaments match or coordinate. Maybe there’s a sports or regional or literary theme to it.

My tree kinda looks like a tornado hit a pre-school, made its way through a Hallmark store, and sucked up a souvenir shop before landing in my living room. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s a memory attached to almost every ornament. The ones from my childhood. The ones we bought on our honeymoon and the time we went to Disney World. The ones the kids made in Sunday School. And all the children have certain ornaments that are “theirs,” (we mark them with their initials and the year) that they made or that were given to them. And one day, when they grow up and get married, one of their wedding presents will be a box containing all of “their” ornaments to hang on their own trees, so they can take some memories with them.

7.
I’m glad we have some family traditions
that are unique to our particular family.

There are some traditions that are common to lots of families, but it’s the ones that no other family on the planet does that can be extra special. For example, last year, after we got home from our annual family outing of picking out our tree, we sat around the table together and had hot chocolate. And chips and salsa. (I know. Weird, huh?) My 12 year old remembered this a whole year later and begged to do it again. It’s those little things that go the extra mile in binding you together and giving your family a unique identity.

8.
I’m glad we handled Santa Claus the way we did.

We decided before we had children that we would not lie to them about the existence or omniscience (he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good, etc.) of Santa Claus. The Bible says that lying is a sin, period. There’s no exception for jolly old elves who pass out toys (or for tooth fairies or Easter bunnies, for that matter). But there’s nothing wrong with the fun of Santa as long as he arrives on the scene without lies or claims to attributes only God possesses. So we sang Santa songs and told Santa stories, but on Christmas Eve, our children knew it was Mom and Dad filling the stockings. When they were very small, my husband or I would don a Santa hat and say something like: “You know how you like to play pretend? Well, mommies and daddies like to play pretend, too, especially at Christmas! Now it’s time for you to go to bed so we can pretend to be Santa Claus.” So far, no one is in therapy from us handling the Santa Claus story this way, plus there were no conspiracies with the older children to keep the secret from the younger ones, and no moments of devastation as each child grew up and found out the truth.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AT SATISFACTION THROUGH CHRIST.

Well, that’s my list.
What are some things you’d like to do over
-or do over and over- at Christmas with your family?

Parenting, Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday ~ The 10 Commandments of Parenting- 8

Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 30, 200810 Commandments Parenting 8

8.
Thou shalt set a good example
for thy children
by thine own Godly behavior.

“…walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,” Ephesians 4:1-2

Do what I say, not what I do.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Actions speak louder than words.

Practice what you preach.

Which of those maxims seem to ring true when it comes to parenting? For years, every childrearing expert who has come along has reminded us that modeling the behavior we want our kids to exhibit is one of the most effective ways of shaping them. Of course, if you’re a mom of a child who is old enough to walk and talk, you already know that modeling works, because, for better or for worse, you’ve already heard your own words fly out of your child’s mouth or seen him imitate you at some point!

Your kids will imitate you. My kids will imitate me. How do we use that knowledge to pour godliness into them? The Bible tells us that we are to be imitators of Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1; Ephesians 5:1-2). We need to strive for godliness in our own lives until we can say to our kids, as Paul said to the Corinthians, “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.”

They need to see us studying our Bibles and spending time in prayer. They need to see us resist temptation. They need to see us set aside our own desires in favor of serving others. They need to see us exhibit love, humility, kindness, patience, forgiveness and mercy. They need to hear us building others up instead of criticizing and gossiping. They need to see us work through problems with our husbands, families and friends in a godly way. They need to see us admit when we’re wrong and seek forgiveness.

So, in the spirit of that old children’s song:

Oh, be careful Mommy’s mouth what you say
And be careful Mommy’s feet where you go
And be careful Mommy’s hands what you do

Not only is “the Father up above…looking down in love,” but our little ones are looking up at us too.

Parenting, Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday ~ The 10 Commandments of Parenting- 7

Michelle Lesley

Originally published June 9, 200810 Commandments Parenting 7

7.

Thou shalt consistently and lovingly
discipline thy children.

Whoever spares the rod hates his son,
    but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24

These kids today! Every generation since Adam and Eve has probably said it. Certainly today, you can’t throw a rock out the window without hitting half a dozen ill-behaved brats. We’ve all cringed at the temper tantrum-throwing child seated at the next table in the restaurant, or watched a mom in the store tell her little sweetie “no” a dozen times, only to finally give in to his demands. Heck, most of us have probably been that mom on occasion.

Hundreds of books, both Christian and secular, have been written on the topic of how to discipline children, but much rarer are the writings about why we should discipline them. As always, the easy answer to that question for the Christian is: “because God said so”. But why does God tell us to discipline our children? Because discipline teaches our children that we love them.

The most important way we can love our children is to lead them to salvation. Learning obedience to parents not only teaches them about sin, law breaking, punishment, and repentance, it also teaches them the concept of setting aside their own desires in favor of submitting to the authority that has been placed over them. This has direct application to the spiritual construct of salvation. Salvation does not take place until, through faith in Christ, we repent of our sin and submit our will to the authority and Lordship of Christ and commit to follow and obey Him.

First John 4:20 says: “If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” I really believe this principle generally applies to obedience as well. One of the things I tell my kids when I discipline them is that, although I don’t enjoy punishing them or letting them suffer the consequences of their actions, I have to do it because I want them to start learning, through obeying me, how to obey God. I’m flesh and blood standing right in front of them, clearly telling them what to do and what will happen if they don’t obey. If they can’t obey me, how in the world are they going to learn to obey God, whom they can’t see or hear with their eyes and ears? Conversely, if a child has been lovingly and consistently disciplined, how much easier will it be to introduce him to the concept of submission to God’s authority?

Another vital spiritual principle that discipline helps teach is an understanding of sin, its consequences, and punishment. A child who has been disciplined knows what it means to be guilty of breaking the rules. He also knows that because he has broken a rule, some sort of undesirable consequence will follow swiftly. A child who has not been disciplined believes he does no wrong and that the world around him should be catering to his wants and demands. Which child will be able to grasp the idea that he is a sinner in need of salvation? Which one will understand contrition, eternal punishment, and eternal reward?

Teaching obedience also teaches our children that we are concerned about how they fare with others. My children have come to me in the past and told me that they don’t like being around certain friends of theirs who constantly misbehave. On these occasions, I very carefully (to ensure that they don’t become critical or develop an attitude of superiority) explain to my children that this is one of the reasons Daddy and I teach them good behavior. We don’t want them to experience the sadness that misbehaving child is sure to feel when he realizes that people don’t want to be around him. We teach them that we love them enough to want others to delight in them.

Discipline shows love for our children through concern for their safety. If my child doesn’t obey me when I tell him not to run into the street, he could be killed by an oncoming car. If he runs into the street and then stands there and argues with me when I tell him to get back on the sidewalk, he could also be killed.

Many years ago, when I was teaching school, a kindergarten student of mine was killed in a house fire. He didn’t die because he was unable to get out of the house. He was rescued, unharmed, and was told not to go back into the house. This little boy, notoriously disobedient, went back into the house. He died as a result of lack of discipline.

I have told my children these stories on occasion, not to scare them unnecessarily, but to show them just how serious the consequences of disobedience can be. All the spiritual principles in the world won’t matter if a child isn’t alive to learn them.

Love your children by disciplining them. Show them love through their physical safety; show them love through their social well-being; and show them love through their eternal security

Calvinism/Arminianism, Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday ~ What is Reformation Day?

Michelle Lesley

Originally published at
Satisfaction Through Christ
on October 10, 2014.

reformation day

The Protestant Reformation. Outside of Biblically recorded events and the closing of the canon of Scripture, it is arguably the most important event in church history, and one of the most important events in world history as well, yet many Christians today are unaware of this landmark incident in their heritage which birthed the Protestant church.

The year was 1517. A monk named Martin Luther gripped his hammer and nailed a list of biblical grievances against the Roman Catholic Church to the door of Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany, much like we might post a notice to a community bulletin board today. These 95 Theses protested the Catholic Church’s unbiblical policy of selling indulgences,  part of an effort to raise funds for the building of St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome. The Catholic Church had created the idea of the Treasury of Merit, sort of a “bank account” of merit deposited by Christ, Mary, the saints, and others as a result of their good works. When church members sinned, they could purchase an indulgence, which was akin to asking the Church to “transfer funds” from the Treasury of Merit to the sinner’s account. The indulgence basically excused the sinner from a certain amount of time in purgatory and/or temporal punishment for that sin.

In addition to protesting the sale of indulgences, Luther’s 95 Theses called the Catholic Church to conform to Scripture by abandoning its unbiblical practices and teachings regarding the doctrines of salvation, religious authority, the nature of the church, and the essence of Christian living.

95Thesen

Luther’s calls for reform spread quickly throughout Europe, inspiring the likes of church fathers Ulrich Zwingli (Zurich), John Calvin (Geneva), and John Knox (Scotland) to join the effort in their own locales. As they worked to address the issues raised in Luther’s document, these men codified what we know today as the “Five Solas of the Reformation,” the basis of Protestant church doctrine. The five solas are:

1. Sola Scriptura– Scripture alone is the basis for all church doctrine, belief, and practice. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

2. Sola Gratia– Salvation is by grace alone. It is an unmerited gift of God based solely on His goodness, not our own (because we don’t have any). (Ephesians 2:8-9)

3. Sola Fide– Salvation is through faith alone. Faith is a gift bestowed by God. We are saved only by placing that faith in Christ’s finished work on the cross, not by doing good works or by any other attempts to earn salvation. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

4. Solus Christus– Salvation is found in Christ alone. As Acts 4:12 says, “And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

5. Soli Deo Gloria– God saves man for God’s glory alone, and Believers are to live our lives to glorify Him alone. (Romans 11:36)

One of Luther’s most cherished ideals, from which we still benefit today, was that common people should have access to both the Scriptures and worship services in their own language. Prior to the Reformation, the Bible was only available in Latin. Likewise, all masses and other church services were conducted in Latin. Luther translated the Bible into German, and was later followed by William Tyndale, Myles Coverdale, David Brainerd, and others who translated the Bible into various languages.

On Reformation Day, we commemorate the work, zeal, and sacrifices of Luther and the other reformers. Reformation Day is observed on October 31.