Category: Mailbag

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs

Michelle Lesley

I get lots of great questions, and sometimes, they’re the same questions from lots of different people. So I thought today it would be fun, instead of answering just one person’s question, to answer lots of people’s questions. Here are the top 10 Mailbag questions readers most frequently ask:

1.

“Do you know anything about [Christian pastor/teacher/author] or his/her materials? Is s/he doctrinally sound?”

The best way to find out if I’ve written anything on a particular teacher is to put her name (make sure you spell it correctly) into the search bar, which is located at the bottom of every page of the blog. You can also check the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab and the Recommended Bible Teachers tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) to see if the teacher’s name is located there.

If you need answers on a certain teacher right away, and I haven’t written anything about her, you will need to do the research yourself, which is a skill every Christian needs to hone anyway. (You should never just take my, or anybody else’s, word for it that a particular teacher is or isn’t trustworthy.) In case you need a little help getting started, I’ve described how I do my research, complete with some quick litmus tests and shortcuts in my article Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring It Out on Your Own. 

If I haven’t written an article about a teacher you see as problematic who’s reaching a wide audience, you’re welcome to send me her name along with any links you may have to her unbiblical teaching or behavior. If I get enough questions about a particular teacher, I’ll probably write an article on her.

2.

“Can you recommend a good
women’s/children’s/teens/particular topic Bible study?”

No. On principle, I do not recommend what I call “canned” (book, workbook, DVD, etc.) Bible studies- not even doctrinally sound ones. The church has become so utterly dependent on books and materials written by others that the majority of evangelicals have no idea how to simply pick up the Bible and study or teach straight from the text of Scripture. I may be the only one to stand against that tide, but I’m standing against it. We need to, as a general practice, cut out the middleman and get back to learning and teaching straight from the Bible itself.

If studying or teaching directly from Scripture is new to you, I would encourage you to check out the Bible Studies tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, which explains more about my philosophy of Bible study and provides numerous resources to help you learn how to study or teach the Bible itself.

One of the resources you’ll find is all of the Bible studies I’ve written. They are all free, all suitable for individual and group use, and you are welcome to print out as many copies as you need. My studies are learn-by-doing “training wheels” that teach you: how to study/teach the Bible in a systematic way, the kinds of things you should be noticing in the text, the kinds of questions you should be asking of the text, and how the various parts of the Bible fit together to tell God’s grand story of redemption through Christ. Work through a study or two. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll be ready to unbolt those training wheels and study or teach on your own without needing to rely on anyone else’s materials any more – including mine.

Here are a few additional resources:

The Mailbag: Can you recommend a good Bible study for women/teens/kids?

The Mailbag: “We need to stop relying on canned studies,” doesn’t mean, “We need to rely on doctrinally sound canned studies.”

McBible Study and the Famine of God’s Word

3.

“You shouldn’t be warning against [popular false teacher]
for [X,Y,Z] reason!”

Sorry, but that’s not what the Bible says. The question isn’t, “Why am I warning against them?”. The question is, “Why aren’t you?”

Answering the Opposition- Responses to the Most Frequently Raised Discernment Objections

4.

I’m trying to find a doctrinally sound church. Can you help me?

It is my delight to help my brothers and sisters find a solid church. Please check out the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

If you’re newly saved and/or coming out of the New Apostolic Reformation, prosperity gospel, New Age, Catholicism, Mormonism, etc., I would strongly recommend reading through all of the resources in the “What to look for in a church” section of that tab before beginning your search for an actual church. You need to know what makes a church doctrinally sound (or not), and those resources can help.

Notice that there are multiple church search engines at the top of that tab. If you don’t find something in your area at the first search engine, go to the next one, and keep going until you’ve exhausted all of them.

Keep in mind that doctrinally sound churches are becoming scarcer and scarcer. You may have to drive longer than you’d like to get to one. It may not meet all your preferences. You might have to try a different denomination than you’re used to. The most doctrinally sound church you can find within achievable driving distance may have a few biblical “warts” (for example: a generally solid preaching/teaching church but the women’s ministry uses materials by false teachers). It is possible that God may put you in that less than perfect church to sanctify you, or for you to help bring about biblical change.

Sometimes people e-mail me asking if I can help them find a church. Your best bet is really to use all of the resources at the “Searching for a new church” tab. I want to reassure you that, unlike Walmart, I don’t have any churches in the back store room that haven’t been stocked yet. With the exception of a handful of churches my readers have recommended that I haven’t had a chance to vet yet, everything I have is out on the shelves at that tab. :0) (I would also encourage everyone reading this – if you attend a doctrinally sound church, click the link above and see if your church is listed on at least one of the three most popular church search engines: Founders, G3, and/or Master’s Seminary church search engines. If not, talk to your pastor about submitting your church’s information to one or more of these so people can find you! You are also welcome to submit your church for inclusion on my Reader Recommended Churches list, but that list doesn’t reach nearly as many people as the aforementioned other three do.)

If you’ve made a good faith effort at the “Searching…” tab and have exhausted all of the resources there, and you still can’t find a passable church within achievable driving distance, you have two options (one of which is not giving up on church and staying home): move to an area that has a solid, established church, or look into church planting.

If you’re considering moving for a church, do everything in your power to make sure that church is solid and is going to stay that way. Find out about their history. Watch their worship services online regularly for a few months. Set up a Zoom call with the pastor or elders, explain your situation, and “interview them”. Don’t be shy to ask any, and as many questions as you need to. You’re picking up your entire life and moving based on what they say. Churches are apostatizing at an alarming rate. The last thing you want to do is move somewhere for a church you thought was sound, only to have it take a turn toward sin or false doctrine six months after you get there.

Personally, I think church planting is the preferable option for at least two reasons. First, you don’t have to go through the hassle, logistics (“Will I be able to find a job in this new place?”), and emotional upheaval of leaving family and friends behind that comes with moving. Second, if you’re in an area where you can’t find a good church, neither can any of your neighbors. You could be the person God uses to bring a solid church to an area without a gospel witness. How amazing would that be? Pick up the phone or fire up your email and start contacting the church planting organizations listed. Explain your dilemma. Ask for their help. If none of the church planting organizations can help, contact the nearest doctrinally sound church, explain things to the pastor, and ask about his church planting a church in your area.

5.

(I’m combining two questions here because the answers to both, and the resources for both, are similar and overlap.)

The leadership at my church is kicking off a new Bible study using materials by a false teacher. What should I do?

It breaks my heart that this is, indeed, a frequently asked question. Please see my article The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?.

My friend is following a false teacher. How can I help her see this? 

Here are some resources that can help:

Words with Friends: How to contend with loved ones – at A Word Fitly Spoken (many additional resources linked here)

Words With Friends by Amy Spreeman

Clinging to the Golden Calf: 7 Godly Responses When Someone Says You’re Following a False Teacher 

6.

My church uses …
or
I’m looking for a new church,
and I found one that’s really sound, except they use…
Bethel / Jesus Culture / Hillsong / Elevation music
or other music from heretical sources.
What should I do?

Please see my article The Mailbag: How should I approach my church leaders about a false teacher they’re introducing?. You can find information about Bethel, et al at the Popular False Teachers & Unbiblical Trends tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page. Some other resources that may be helpful:

Why Your Church Should Stop Playing Bethel, Hillsong, Elevation and Jesus Culture

The Mailbag: False Doctrine in Contemporary Christian Music

7.

Whaddaya mean women can’t preach to men? Of course they can!

Again, sorry, but that’s not what the Bible says. I would strongly encourage you to read all of the articles in my Rock Your Role series, which examines the Scriptures dealing with the role of women in the church. (Remember, for Christians, God’s Word is our authority, not our feelings, opinions, and preferences.) I would suggest starting with these:

Jill in the Pulpit

Oh No She Di-int! Priscilla Didn’t Preach, Deborah Didn’t Dominate, and Esther Wasn’t an Egalitarian

Rock Your Role FAQs

The Mailbag: Counter Arguments to Egalitarianism

8.

Why isn’t Teacher X listed at your Popular False Teachers tab?
Does the fact that she’s not listed mean she’s doctrinally sound?
Why isn’t Teacher Y listed at your Recommended Bible Teachers tab? Does the fact that she’s not listed mean she’s a false teacher?

Please understand that these are not comprehensive lists of every false teacher or doctrinally sound teacher in existence. There are thousands of both, so that would be impossible. Also, don’t jump to conclusions about any teacher who’s not on the list. The absence of a particular teacher’s name on either list says nothing definitive about whether or not I would recommend that teacher.

The articles I’ve written about false teachers have mainly been in response to readers inquiring about them. In other words, if you don’t see a particular teacher’s name on the list, it’s probably because I haven’t been asked about her, I’ve been asked about her but haven’t had time to get to it yet, or for one of the reasons below.

The teachers on the recommended teachers list are those I’ve personally listened to or read at enough length that I feel comfortable endorsing them. Most of the teachers on the list trend toward being Calvinistic/Reformed and cessationist because I believe this is the most biblically correct view of Scripture, and because, in my experience, those of these persuasions are generally more discerning about associating with false teachers, and more expository in their teaching. (Of course there are some non-Calvinist/Reformed pastors and teachers who are stellar in these areas. I’ve had the privilege of knowing a few personally.)

There are a few other reasons you might not see someone’s name on either the false teachers or the recommended teachers lists:

• My articles on false teachers are nearly always about teachers: who are well known (thus the “Popular” in “Popular False Teachers”), who women in my particular audience – average American evangelical women – are most likely to follow, and whose materials are being used in those average American evangelical women’s churches. It takes multiple hours of research to vet teachers, and I have to invest those hours into the teachers who are deceiving the greatest numbers women in my audience.

• I don’t tend to write articles on teachers who are so blatantly heretical and/or are so well known for being heretical that it should be obvious (unless I feel there’s some compelling reason to do so). This is why you won’t see, for example, Kenneth Copeland, Benny Hinn, or Nadia Bolz-Weber on the false teachers list. Kenneth and Benny are fairly well known for being prosperity gospel heretics, and a 30 second Google search should make it obvious to most Christians who aren’t already familiar with her that Nadia is a liberal heretic. And, again, your average American evangelical woman isn’t following people like this, and her church isn’t using their materials.

• Normally, I don’t write about contemporary teachers who are dead, especially if they’re not particularly popular with my demographic. This is why you don’t see names like Mother Teresa or David Wilkerson on the list.

9.

I have a dire and complicated family/marriage/church situation,
can you help me?
Can you mentor/disciple me?

I deeply wish I could answer “yes” to all of these inquiries. I’m a helper. I want to help people. But I also know that in most of these situations, I’m not the right person for the job. So my answer to these inquiries has to be “no”. I cannot engage in counseling or discipling/mentoring relationships via e-mail.

The first reason for this is that my primary duty before the Lord is to care for my husband, children, and grandchildren, to manage my household, and to be a faithful church member. That takes a lot of time and energy. And if you’ve ever read my e-mail policy, you know I don’t even have time to answer most of the e-mails I receive, let alone the time that’s required to properly disciple, mentor, or counsel someone through a difficult circumstance.

But the second reason I’m not the right person for the job is that all of these are the job of the local church. It’s not right for me to get between you and your pastor when you need counsel or between you and an older sister at your church when you need to be discipled. You need someone who can walk with you, face to face, for the long haul, through these situations. Relying on me would be cheating yourself out of connecting with the person at your church who could be there for you the best and help you the most.

And, finally, especially in dire counseling situations such as abuse, extreme marital problems, or complex issues at church, I’m not familiar with the laws and resources in your area, I’m only hearing your side of the story, I’m not getting all of the details, etc. Your pastor or an older sister at church is there. They can better help you navigate the intricacies of the situation and provide you with more effective solutions than I can.

10.

I’d love to come hear you speak in person. When will you be speaking in my area?

As soon as someone sets up an event and invites me! I am delighted to speak anywhere I’m invited and that can host me.

The best way to be sure you’ll be able to make it to one of my conferences or events is to set one up at your church (or in conjunction with another local church(es)) or parachurch organization. I know that probably sounds daunting, but I’ve spoken at lots of small churches with limited resources, and it might not be as difficult as you think! I’ve also provided lots of helpful hints and resources at my Speaking Engagements tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) so you don’t have to break the bank or re-invent the wheel.

The second best way to keep up to date on whether or not I’ll be speaking in your area is twofold:

  1. Go to my Speaking Engagements tab and scroll all the way to the end of the page where it says “202- Calendar”. I list all of my upcoming speaking engagements there, along with where they’re located and registration information.
  2. Subscribe to my blog via email. From time to time, I’ll create an article listing all of my upcoming events, their dates, locations, and registration information.

Hope to see you soon at an event near you!

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Church Roles and Ambiguous Anatomy

Michelle Lesley

 

I’m curious to know if someone who is medically intersex should be considered a man or a woman for the purposes of appropriate church roles. I’m not sure if the Bible addresses that or not. 

According to the National Institutes of Health, “Intersex is a group of conditions where there is a discrepancy between the external genitals and the internal genitals (the testes and ovaries). The older term for this condition is hermaphroditism.” In other words, a person could have XX chromosomes (genetically female) and ovaries, yet the external genitalia appears male (i.e. penis instead of vagina), or vice versa for a genetic (XY) male. There are also some other genetic anomalies that result in intersex, and a wide variety of genital anomalies not related to sexual identity that fall under the category of “intersex”.

(And just so we’re all on the same page here, “medically intersex” refers to a congenital abnormality– a birth defect. It does not mean, nor does the reader who sent in this question mean, a physically/genetically normal man or woman who has decided to mutilate his/her body with surgery to appear to be the opposite sex. That’s different. Also, the reader who sent in the question is not asking whether or not a medically intersex person may be saved or may be a church member. She is only asking how the biblical roles for men and women in the church {i.e. preaching/teaching/leadership roles} apply to a medically intersex person, so that is the question I’m answering.)

But because “intersex” has become something of a catch-all term for a so many genetic defects related to chromosomal abnormalities and/or internal reproductive organ abnormalities and/or external genital abnormalities, it’s nearly impossible to answer a question like, “How common is medical intersex?”. But even the (now defunct) Intersex Society of North America (an advocacy group, which we can probably safely surmise would be fairly liberal/over-generalized in its statistics) estimates that only .05-.07% (half of 1%) of babies at birth have genitalia so ambiguous that they require a consult by a sex specialist, and far fewer end up needing surgery to correct these anomalies.

Now, keep in mind that, as I said, that .05-.07% is the total estimate for a wide variety of reproductive and genital anomalies, many of which do not affect sexual identity. So the number of people who are genetically female with male genitals or genetically male with female genitals (what the reader who sent in this question is referring to) is only a fraction of that .05-.07%. In other words, it’s an extremely rare condition.

So, take that very tiny number of people and add on the qualifiers for this reader’s question. The medically intersex person has to get through the narrow gate of salvation (because unsaved people don’t have “church roles,” as they’re not part of the church, and, naturally, shouldn’t be serving or leading in the church in any way whatsoever). Now your numbers have gone from tiny to tinier. Now, whittle those numbers down even further: the person not only has to be saved, but has to have a doctrinally sound understanding of the roles of men and women in the church, the person has to desire a position of leadership or servanthood in which the biblical role of men/women is an issue (for most positions in the church, it generally isn’t), the person has to be otherwise biblically qualified to serve in that role (e.g. above reproach, sober-minded, etc.), and the person has to find and become a member of a doctrinally sound church that actually follows the Bible’s teachings on the roles of men and women in the church.

Now your numbers have gone from “tinier” to, “Get me the strongest electron microscope in existence.” Statistically speaking, this is never going to be an issue in any doctrinally sound church.

But it’s interesting to think about.

There isn’t a Bible passage that describes medical intersex and whether or not a person so afflicted may or may not serve in the role of pastor, elder, deacon, preaching to/teaching Scripture to men, holding authority over men, or older women teaching the younger women (the church roles assigned to either only males or only females).

The closest the Bible comes to addressing this issue is in Leviticus 21:16-23, which says that a man with crushed testicles may not serve as a priest in the temple. However, this passage does not apply to the question at hand for a couple of reasons, which are abundantly clear if you read the passage in context.

First of all, “crushed testicles” is only one condition in a litany of other physical abnormalities which disqualified a man (only men could serve as priests) from the priesthood. And the reason for this had nothing to do with sexual identity. The reason men with physical “blemishes” couldn’t be priests was basically the same reason that when you brought an animal for sacrifice, it had to be perfect, free of any physical defect: It symbolically pointed ahead to the perfection of Christ. Christ was not only the unblemished Lamb of God, our perfect sacrifice, He is also our perfect high priest. That’s why both the Old Testament sacrifice and priest had to be “without blemish”.

Second, although there are some similarities between the Old Testament temple and the New Testament church, they are two distinctly different entities with different qualifications for leadership. This is easy to see if you compare some of the requirements for the Old Testament priesthood with the requirements for pastors of New Testament churches. Other than the fact that the pastorate is restricted to men, there are no physical requirements for pastors. Certainly we would not say that a man who is blind or has psoriasis is disqualified from being a pastor strictly on the basis of those conditions, would we? Yet these men (and others with all types of physical “blemishes,” including crushed testicles) were disqualified from the priesthood.

So, having no direct biblical passages to go on, here are a few thoughts…

  • Such a unique situation that isn’t directly addressed by Scripture will need to dealt with on a case by case basis by the pastor, elders, and church leadership.
  • The medically intersex person who meets all of the qualifiers I outlined above should set up an appointment with his/her pastor, explain the medical condition, explain whether he/she has been living as a man or a woman, and why, and get pastoral counsel on which positions of service or leadership would be appropriate.
  • I would think it would be helpful for the medically intersex person’s current pastor to contact his/her former pastor for insight on how the situation was handled at his/her previous church. The current pastor might end up making different decisions than the previous pastor, but getting the benefit of the previous pastor’s experience would seem to me to be beneficial.
  • The medically intersex person seeking to serve the church has probably already established an identity (dressing, behaving, considers him/herself as, presenting as) as a man or a woman in his/her daily life. Taking that into consideration and weighing all of the other factors and details, church leadership may prayerfully consider it appropriate to let this person function in the church as the sex he/she identifies as. In other words, if the person has established an identity as a woman (she considers herself a woman, dresses/acts like a woman, her family, friends, and others consider her to be a woman, etc.), it could be an appropriate decision to allow her to function as a woman in the church, following the Bible’s role for women in the church.
  • Another appropriate decision the church leadership might make would be to err on the side of caution and help the medically intersex person find a place of service that is not impacted by the Bible’s parameters for men and women in the church. Here and here are a couple of good jumping off points.

If the medically intersex person and his/her church leadership prayerfully come together seeking wisdom from the Lord, and trying to discern what is pleasing to the Lord, there is one biblical certainty about this situation: they can trust Him to direct their path.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag, Marriage

The Mailbag: Regrets, I’ve had a few…more.

Michelle Lesley

Your article The Mailbag: Regrets…I Still Have a Few is excellent! I have a related question…what if the thing you regret isn’t a sin? What if it is a decision you made that now you wish you hadn’t made? I don’t know how to deal with something like this.

Thank you!

It’s always good to try to think these things through biblically. I’m glad you’re doing that! It’s a little difficult to answer without knowing what the circumstances are, but sometimes that’s good because it allows me to take a more “general principles” approach that can help other readers out with their own situations. So here are some principles we can all consider in a situation like this:

⇒ Get out your Bible and make absolutely certain that whatever you’re regretting isn’t a sin, because we have to deal with sins one way and non-sins another way. When the reader mentions “something you regret that isn’t a sin,” I’m thinking of things like: “I wish I had taken job A instead of job B.” “I wish I hadn’t moved so far away from my extended family.” “I wish we had homeschooled our kids instead of putting them in public school.” Things like that are not sins. Things like, “I wish I hadn’t committed adultery and ruined my marriage,” are.

⇒ Spend some time in prayer and in Scripture examining your heart about why you regret the decision you made. Maybe the decision itself wasn’t sinful, but the regrets you’re having are? Do you wish you had taken that other job because you’re coveting the higher income it would have given you? Do you wish you had homeschooled so the other moms would look up to you and admire you?

Or maybe what’s motivating your regret isn’t sinful. Maybe you regret being so far from your extended family because you were the only gospel influence in their lives. Maybe you now see that taking the other job would have allowed you to spend more time with your kids. Only you and God can sort out the motives of your heart.

⇒ Is there a way to fix things in a biblical direction? If what’s motivating your regret is sinful (pride, coveting, etc.), job one is to repent and ask God to change your heart about the situation. If your regrets aren’t sinful, is there anything you can do to alleviate the situation in a godly way? Could you cut back on your hours to spend more time with your kids? Video chat with your extended family more often to continue being that gospel witness? Think about whether or not there’s anything you can do about the situation.

⇒ Be content:

…I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. Philippians 4:11b
…But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. 1 Timothy 6:8
…Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
…O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. Psalm 131:1-2

⇒ Trust God’s sovereignty- especially if, at the time, you were trying to make the most godly decision you could make and be as obedient to Him as you knew how to be. God has put you in the situation you’re in right now for His glory and your good. You didn’t end up where you are by accident. And the God who has brought you to where you are is capable of using the decision you made that you now regret to bring Himself glory, to do something for you, in you, through you, or with you, and maybe even to minister to someone else.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. Proverbs 3:5-7

⇒ Move forward, and keep striving to make godly decisions in the future.

But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, Philippians 3:13b-15a
Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:3-5

Dwelling on regrets isn’t spiritually healthy. We certainly never see God praising anyone for looking back on the past and fretting. (After all, look what happened when Lot’s wife looked back! :0) There’s nothing you can do to change the past. All we can do is press on and live today for the glory of God.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag, Marriage

The Mailbag: Masks in church- Do I submit to my husband or my pastor?

Michelle Lesley

 

Help! I feel torn between two biblical commands, and I don’t know what to do. Our church has started meeting together in person again. The leadership has strongly requested that everyone wear masks. E-mails have been sent out about it, there are signs all over the church requesting that people wear masks, etc., and though it has been mentioned a few times that they will not ask anyone to leave if he/she isn’t wearing a mask, it’s pretty obvious the powers that be want everybody wearing masks.

My husband is very anti-mask. Although he is OK with wearing them where required by law, it’s not legally required in churches where we live, and he doesn’t want me to wear a mask in church. He has explained his reasons to me for his position. I think they are wise, valid reasons, and I actually agree with him. In addition to his reasons, I struggle against anxiety attacks and claustrophobia, which masks make worse, and mentally fending off these attacks makes it extremely difficult for me to focus on anything else, like worship or the sermon.

I believe the Bible is clear that I’m to submit to my husband. However, the Bible is also clear that we’re to submit to our pastors/leaders. And what about dying to self and putting the wants/needs of others (such as my fellow church members who are fearful of catching COVID) first? I’m so confused. What should I do?

This is a really great question. It’s so encouraging to me that you want to do the godly thing in this situation.

But before I begin answering your excellent question, unfortunately, in the zeitgeist we live in that’s even affecting Christians, I’ve got to fence this discussion for all of my readers with two parameters:

1. There will be no pro-/anti- mask arguing in the comments section of this article nor on any of my social media platforms, nor will I read or answer any e-mails/private messages arguing your position on masks. Any such e-mails, messages, or comments will be deleted. The way I’ve seen many professing Christians – on both sides of the issue, mind you – comporting themselves online about masks, is, frankly, appalling, and I refuse to lend my platforms to that kind of behavior.

2. This article will deal with the biblical topic of submission in marriage. Every time I address this issue somebody brings up the “But what about abuse?” argument as if the sin and exception of abuse negates the biblical rule of submission. (Very much like when the topic of abortion comes up and people automatically bring out the “But what about rape/incest?” argument.) It doesn’t. Abuse is a sin and a separate issue from submission that must be dealt with in a biblical way. Abuse has nothing to do with biblical submission even though some abusers evilly (and abusively) try to connect the two. At any rate, abuse is not today’s topic. Today’s topic is about a woman in a healthy Christian marriage who wants to obey our Lord’s command to all Christian wives in non-abusive marriages that we are to submit to our husbands. If you’d like me to address the topic of abuse in a future edition of The Mailbag, please send in your question. And if you’re being abused, get somewhere safe immediately, and reach out to your pastor, church, or a good Christian friend for help.

 

Any Christian who studies her Bible has, no doubt, surmised that submission to authority – to God, to our husbands, to our pastors, to our governmental officials, to our employers, and children to their parents – is a big deal to God because He discusses it and instructs us on it so often in Scripture. But how do we juggle our obedience to all of those authorities, especially when obedience to one might conflict with obedience to another?

Well, the first thing we have to recognize is that there’s a hierarchy of authority in our lives. The authorities in our lives are not all on an equal plane. Some of them outrank others.

God outranks everybody. We obey Him regardless of what any mere human might say about it, and regardless of what it might cost us. Peter may have stuck his foot in his mouth a lot, but he hit it right on the nose when he told his “pastor” (the high priest), who was ordering the apostles to disobey God’s command: “We must obey God rather than men.”

But what about your dilemma? You want to obey God by obeying both His command to submit to your husband and His command to submit to your pastoral leadership. Neither your husband nor your pastor is asking you to disobey God. But submitting to one would mean not submitting to the other. It’s a Catch-22, right?

Not really, because for a married woman, her husband outranks her pastor in the chain of command of authority in her life. I think we probably all get this, intuitively, but, if it helps, consider the following:

• God established the family long before He established the church. It was the very first structure of authority He set up as a unit, and is the foundation of human society and relationships.

• The assemblage of God’s people – both Old Testament (Israel) and New (the church) – is contingent upon the family in several regards: God is our Father – we are His children, Christ is the bridegroom – the church is the bride, the twelve tribes of Israel were literal family lines and their elders were heads of clans and families, only men from certain family lines could serve as priests and Levites, a pastor must be the husband of one wife and rule his home and children well or he is disqualified from the pastorate, wives are to consult their husbands at home rather than disrupt a worship service with questions, and so on. The family isn’t contingent on the church the way the church is contingent on the family.

• The bond and vow of marriage outranks your less binding relationship to your pastor and church. When you married your husband, you made a vow before God and man to be loyally and faithfully bound to him for the rest of your (or his) natural life. When you consummated your marriage, you entered into a one flesh union with your husband. That’s a much more profound commitment to your husband than the commitment you have to your pastor and church.This is why the act of pursuing a divorce is nearly always a sin, while, comparatively, the act of leaving a particular local church (though you might have sinful reasons for doing so) is not.

• And as far as loving your neighbor or putting others’ wants and needs ahead of your own – your husband is your nearest neighbor. What about loving him? What about dying to self for him? It is far more important, both because of the depth of your commitment to him, and for practical reasons of familial peace under your own roof, that his wants and needs outweigh the wants and needs of Miss Tilly in the third pew.

So, what does this mean for your mask situation? It means you need to submit to your husband. Certainly, a godly husband would be willing to talk with you about his reasons for his decision and discuss your convictions about submitting to your church’s leadership. Perhaps your husband would think it’s a good idea for him (or both of you) to discuss the matter with your pastor. One godly husband might then decide to let you decide for yourself what to do regarding masking at church. Another godly husband might, after prayerfully receiving your input, still decide it is wisest for his family not to wear masks. You respectfully give your input and then back off, praying for him as he makes the decision he believes will most honor God and for which he will have to answer to God. And when he makes that decision, you graciously abide by it.

And my guess would be that if you have a godly, doctrinally sound pastor, he would tell you basically the same thing. I can’t imagine a good pastor telling a wife who’s seeking to obey Scripture that she needs to submit to him over submitting to her husband.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Doreen’s vision, Bible apps, ESV Women’s Study Bible, Women teaching on Zoom)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question. I also like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

In these potpourri editions of The Mailbag, I’d also like to address the three questions I’m most commonly asked:

“Do you know anything about [Christian pastor/teacher/author] or his/her materials? Is he/she doctrinally sound?”

Try these links: 
Popular False Teachers / Recommended Bible Teachers / search bar
Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring It Out on Your Own
(Do keep bringing me names, though. If I get enough questions about a particular teacher, I’ll probably write an article on her.)

“Can you recommend a good women’s Bible study?”

No. Here’s why:
The Mailbag: Can you recommend a good Bible study for women/teens/kids?
The Mailbag: “We need to stop relying on canned studies,” doesn’t mean, “We need to rely on doctrinally sound canned studies.”.

“You shouldn’t be warning against [popular false teacher] for [X,Y,Z] reason!”

Answering the Opposition- Responses to the Most Frequently Raised Discernment Objections

Just a brief note to all of my readers to kick off this edition of The Mailbag. I really love and appreciate y’all. I don’t say that enough but I do – deeply. One of the things (among many) I appreciate is that upwards of 99.99999999% of you have read my e-mail/messages policy (linked in the first paragraph above) and the information at the Contact & Social Media tab (in the blue menu bar at the top of this page), and you have been extremely understanding and gracious when it comes to my limitations regarding answering individual e-mails/messages. Thank you!

But for the handful of folks out there who haven’t read and followed the directions at those links, may I just gently and lovingly say this: demanding that I answer your e-mail/message immediately, or sending me multiple copies of the same e-mail/message over the course of a few days isn’t going to work for me, or for you. If you have an emergency situation or one that needs an immediate answer, you need to contact your pastor or a mature brother or sister at your church for help.  That’s one of the functions of the local church.

I wish I could answer everyone’s questions right away, but as I’ve explained at the aforementioned links (which everyone seeking my e-mail address is asked to read before they e-mail me), I can’t. I get too much mail to be able to do that and have time to properly care for my family, home, and other responsibilities.

Thanks again for your understanding and grace, and keep sending me those e-mails/messages! I love hearing from y’all even if I’m not able to answer you personally.

I have some concerns about Doreen Virtue and the “vision” of Jesus she had that supposedly led her to Christ. I came out of the New Age movement and something just doesn’t “sit right” with me as a discerning Christian about that. And now, you and other Christians have endorsed her book? I’m just seeking the truth as I do with every other subject I research.

Seeking the truth and doing your research is awesome! That’s just the kind of thing I love to hear from my readers!

The thing about doing research is that you have to consider the source and make sure the sources you go to are reliable, trustworthy, and handle Scripture correctly. I’m sorry to say that many of the online “discernment” resources out there (including the ones you mentioned in your e-mail, but others as well) are not. Many of them exhibit zeal without knowledge, and some exhibit knowledge without love. (I know I have crossed these lines at times, myself, which I am sorry for. God is still working on me and growing me in that area.)

You and other discerning readers have surely noted the signs of these types of “ministries”: attacking doctrinally sound pastors and teachers, speaking/writing in a vicious, enraged, or biting tone, failing to provide in context and rightly handled evidence to support their assertions, reporting their opinions as fact, exaggerating or extrapolating from something a teacher said or did in order to make their case, and so on. It is just as much a part of discernment to examine “discernment” ministries as it is to examine the teachers they are critiquing.

Having never heard of her before, I first “met” Doreen Virtue when she and her co-host Melissa asked me to appear on their YouTube podcast to discuss the role of women in the church. Doreen and I kept in touch afterwards and have become good friends.

Doreen has thoroughly explained the issue you mentioned in her videos, her book, and to me and many others personally. As Doreen was coming out of the New Age movement and turning toward Christ, she had some sort of experience which she believed at the time was a vision of Jesus. She said at the time that this vision turned her further toward Christ.

As Doreen has continued to grow  she has progressively come to a biblical understanding of her experience, and now believes the vision was demonic activity that happened before she actually got saved. She does not believe she was saved by this vision, but by the preaching, teaching, and reading of the Word. Doreen hasn’t had any more experiences like this since she’s been saved, and she certainly doesn’t encourage this type of experience – quite the opposite, in fact. She speaks against it. As I’ve listened to Doreen’s videos, read her personal testimony in her book, and chatted with her privately, I can see how God has grown her in holiness and sound doctrine in the short time she’s been saved, as evidenced by the fruit she displays.

Have we forgotten how far God has brought us in holiness and the knowledge of the Word since we have been saved? Haven’t we all repented over dumb or unbiblical things we used to believe when we were unsaved or new Christians that we now look back on in shame? Why wouldn’t God do the same thing for Doreen? I mean, let’s remember that she was totally immersed in a demonic system her entire life until Christ saved her in her 50’s, and she has only been saved less than three years now. It’s completely understandable that God would have to undo all of that as He grows her. Where is our mercy, grace, and patience for babes in Christ?

If you feel confused regarding conflicting information about Doreen, I would encourage you not to listen to what others are saying about her (even me) and go straight to the horse’s mouth: watch Doreen’s videos – including her most recent concerning the “vision”: Unpacking Doreen’s vision with Pastor Chris Rosebrough of Fighting for the Faith – read her wonderful book, Deceived No More (which I was honored to write an endorsement for and highly recommend, and which she has already edited to clarify the part about the vision), follow her on Instagram or Facebook, and let her speak for herself. And if you make a good faith effort to do all of that and you still have a question, message her and ask.

If you’re honest, objective, and compare what Doreen says and does with rightly handled Scripture, I think you’ll find your answers.

I am a new Christian and am wondering if you know of a good Bible app? I have been using YouVersion, but today’s video featured Joyce Meyer, and I am unsure how I feel about it. 

Great question – and welcome to the family!

Readers, this is one of the reasons I recommend against YouVersion. You may recall from a previous Mailbag article that I explained that YouVersion was developed, and is maintained, by Craig Groeschel’s Life.Church. He has preached at Joyce Meyer’s women’s conference and is immersed in relationships and ministry partnerships with numerous other false teachers.

For Bible app recommendations, check out my article My Favorite Bible & Study Apps. 

Would you recommend the ESV Women’s Study Bible? Some of the contributors are Jen Wilkin, Lauren Chandler, Ann Voskamp, Trillia Newbell, and Kristyn Getty.

I’m so glad you asked and brought this to my attention. I have been seeing the ads for that Bible, but I didn’t realize all of those people were contributors. I attempted to find a list of all of the contributors, but was unable to do so. So just going on these, I would say, no, I can’t recommend the ESV Women’s Study Bible.

In addition to the problems with Lauren Chandler, there are issues with Jen Wilkin, and Ann Voskamp is flat out a mystical false teacher.

I haven’t thoroughly researched Trillia Newbell, but just from seeing a few of her tweets from time to time on Twitter, I’m concerned that she might be leaning toward the woke/social justice movement. She’s also friendly with and supportive of Beth Moore (once tweeting “I thank God for you, too!” to Beth), Priscilla Shirer (here, here), and possibly other biblically problematic teachers, so, at the very least, there are a few red flags.

I’d recommend you invest in a much better study Bible, like the MacArthur Study Bible. You can also get the Faithlife Study Bible app for free. I use both of those regularly and they’re both very good.

Love the clarity of your writing! I am curious how you apply commands against women holding authority and teaching to online situations. Is it also sinful for a woman to teach Scripture over YouTube or Zoom? This seems to be a huge issue right now. Thanks! 

Super question, and thanks!

The reason this is a huge issue right now is that many churches have temporarily begun moving many of their regular “in person” activities to livestream, YouTube, Zoom, Skype, etc., due to COVID restrictions that prevent members from gathering together easily. Likewise, many Christian conferences have had to move to video because of gathering restrictions and difficulties.

All of that being the case, we need to follow the biblical principles we would be following if we were meeting face to face. A woman should not be preaching the Sunday sermon for your church just because it’s going to be on Facebook Live instead of people gathering face to face in the sanctuary. I’m not going to teach my co-ed Sunday School class just because we’re “meeting” together on Zoom instead of in our Sunday School room. A Christian conference should not have women preaching the main sessions if those sessions would be co-ed if the attendees were all in the room together.

If it is not something that would normally be a violation of Scripture, in the face to face gathering of the church – for example: a woman speaking at a women’s conference that had to be moved online, or a woman teaching a children’s Bible class on Zoom – then it’s perfectly fine to do it online.

Readers, in case we’re tempted, let’s be sure we all keep in mind here that the goal in Christianity is not to see how close to the line of sin we can get without accidentally putting a toe over, or to find some loophole in God’s Word that lets us do what we want. The goal is to get as far away from the line of sin as possible, and to look – not for loopholes – but for ways we can better obey Christ.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.